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I haven't felt this way I feel
Since many a year ago
But in those years and the lifetimes past
I did not deal with the road
And I did not deal with you, I know
Though the love has always been
So I search to find an answer there
So I can truly win
Every hour of fear I spend
My body tries to cry
Living through each empty night
A deadly call inside
-Storms, Fleetwood Mac
The moon had just begun to peek out from behind the cloudy night sky and illuminate the sleepy town as Ryker ambled down the well-worn path to the Blue Moon. The toyherbs Murakumo had planted last spring were now in full bloom, swaying in the breeze and wafting a sweet scent throughout the air. As Ryker’s booted foot landed on the inn’s cobblestone walkway, he noticed Martin standing awkwardly near the entrance.
Geez, he looks even dumber than usual. What’s he doing, standin’ there like a post?
The blacksmith apprentice was leaning against the wooden fence, wearing a rare smile on his face.
Ryker brushed by him with barely a nod. He wasn’t in the mood to argue at the moment, and to be honest, the stubborn idiot actually looked happy for once. Ryker might not love him, but he wasn’t about to ruin his good day either. He was about to push through the inn’s doors when he heard a familiar, musical voice that froze him in his tracks.
“Hi, Martin! I hope I didn’t keep you waiting. Let’s head in!”
Sheesh, don’t tell me she’s hangin’ out with that stick-in-the-mud..
He stood and watched as his favorite ranger joined his rival at the gate.
“You didn’t keep me waiting,” Martin softly said, putting his gloved hand on Alice’s back and guiding her towards the inn’s entrance.
Her wavy blonde hair glimmered in the pale moonlight as she strolled closer to him. “Hi, Ryker,” Alice called, smiling at him as she passed through the door which Martin held open.
He let the door drop closed as Ryker stood dumbly in the threshold.
Too stunned to speak, he quickly followed the couple inside.
“Yo!” called out the jovial innkeeper. “You two havin’ a good evenin”?
“Yes,” the young blacksmith said, a shy smile lighting up his face. “Thank you for letting us stay the night, Murakumo.”
What the hell? Stay the night?!
“No prob. The baths are nearly empty tonight, so make yourselves at home.”
Yourselves? As in, the two of them?!”
Martin and Alice headed upstairs to their respective genders’ baths while Ryker stood rooted to the spot.
“Kumo?” he muttered through gritted teeth.
“Heya, Ryker! Good to see you. What can I-”
“Don’t even start!” the silver-haired man ground out, eyes smoldering under his hood. “Are they staying here together?!”
“Who?” the were-animal asked, feigning ignorance.
“You know who, damn it!! Martin and Alice!”
“Oh, them?” Kumo drawled, his mouth curling into a wry smile. “Sorry, pal. That’s confidential. I can’t go ‘round givin’ my customers’ personal information away. I ain’t fuelin' any gossip!”
If looks could kill, the violet-haired innkeeper would have just taken his last breath.
His tail swished as he suppressed a chuckle. “I’m sure ya understand. I have a reputation to uphold. What happens at the Moon stays at the Moon! Bahaha!”
“Well that’s a nothing answer” Ryker spit out. “Geez, what kind of place is this? Don’t tell me you’re gonna let them stay in the same room, are you? T-they’re not even married!”
Murakumo laughed. “Didn’t expect to hear that kinda old-timey thinkin’ comin’ from you, Ryker!”
“ W-what the hell is wrong with you, Kumo?” Ryker exclaimed. “Gah! You’re running an inn, not a brothel! Where the hell is their chaperone?”
He choked back a guffaw. “Their what? ”
“Did I stutter? Their CHAPERONE! Who’s gonna make sure there’s nothing untoward going on here?!”
“Bahahaha!! You’re kiddin’ me!” Kumo rolled his head back and let loose his signature deep-throated laugh as Ryker speared him with a glare. “I didn’t realize that two consentin’ adults needed a chaperone to enjoy a night in peace!”
A night in peace… Damn it. Martin and Alice are really doin’ this. They must.. They have to be in love. Alice wouldn’t do this with just anybody.
Ryker never thought - he never imagined the two of them would grow romantic feelings for each other. Now the undeniable evidence stared him right in the eyes. They must have been becoming close for quite some time, and he’d been too damn stupid to see what was in front of him. He swallowed convulsively. The realization made him feel sick. He felt like he was about to cry.
Kumo must have sensed Ryker’s pure agony because the humor quickly drained from his face. Eyes filled with sympathy, he strode around the counter and put his heavy arm on the halfling’s shoulders.
“Hey man, don’t look so down” he soothed, squeezing him in a half-hug. “Things ain’t so bad. Alice is just gettin’ Martin to take a lil break from work, that’s all. People have been worryin’ about him lately. Ya already know he tends to work too hard and not take good care of himself. We figured Alice could loosen him up with two complimentary tickets to this good ‘ole place! Hey, you sure look like you could use some relaxin’. Why don’t you go take a dip in the baths as well? This one’s on me!”
No way. Being in the baths with boulder-brains would be as relaxing as laying on hot coals. I won’t be able to stand seeing that smug look on his dumb face. I’d probably end up knocking him upside the head.
“Nah, forget it. I’m going home.”
Ryker rushed out of the inn, too distraught to even thank his friend for his generosity.
Murakumo blinked as Ryker disappeared into the night.
“Bahaha! If I ain’t mistakin’, that boy’s head over tails.”
Misty air cooled Ryker’s flaming cheeks as he slunk along the shadows of Rigbarth. He was in his element, and he was gonna make damn sure he didn’t see or talk to another soul on the short walk back home. If someone innocently asked him how he was doing, he would probably snap, or worse, burst into tears.
He shoved his hands in the pockets of his cloak and reflected on everything that happened at the Blue Moon. Blinded by his shock and jealousy, he didn’t realize just how much of a scene he’d made. Just how much he said, and just how much he revealed. He realized, with a pit of dread growing in his stomach, that Kumo would definitely know his feelings for Alice now. The innkeeper wasn’t stupid, and Ryker had damn near bit his head off in there. He said they needed a chaperone ? Damn it. He was so stupid. He was sure that he sounded like some fussy old grandma, or worse, a love-sick fool.
Damn Kumo, always giving things away… Why the hell didn’t he give Martin some relax tea or something? Why, of all things, did he have to give him a night at the inn with Alice? Geez. I know Kumo’d never pressure her to do something she doesn’t wanna do, so.. She really must have feelings for that boulder-head. Ugh.
Rain had just begun to spill from the dark clouds above when he reached his front door. He could hear the pings and patters of droplets splattering against the tin roof. He entered and crept up the wooden stairs that led to his and Palmo’s bedrooms, unwilling to let a single creaky floorboard announce his presence. As much as he loved the man who had cared for him since childhood, he simply couldn’t handle his radiant joy and well-wishes tonight. He would surely ask about Alice, as he had done daily for the past three weeks, and the look of hope and expectation in the older man’s face would simply crumble him to bits.
Palmo had so much.. too much faith in him. He truly believed that Ryker and Alice were madly in love. The optimistic architect predicted that the young couple would get married, provide him with a multitude of grandbabies, and live the rest of their lives together in wedded bliss. Sheesh, he was already drafting plans for the home he’d build when they got engaged.
“OH FORTUITIOUS FORTUNE! With a few insignificant changes, I believe I can fit 12 bedrooms into a space originally designed for 3! Young Ryker, does your beloved have a preference for what wood I use in the laboratory?”
His insistence that they are not in love, not even dating, fell on deaf ears.
Gah. Can’t Palmo see that I don’t have a chance? I mean, Alice literally goes on a mission with at least one of the guys and gals every single day. That girl’s got options. Why the hell would she choose me?
Ryker silently shut his door, crept across the floor, and fell on his bed.
Ugh, it hurts. Everything hurts.
He curled his face into the wall and wiped his wet eyes on his sleeve.
The sprinkling of rain had transformed into a full-blown storm. He could hear the roof thundering under the fierce deluge. He squeezed his eyes shut as involuntary thoughts of Alice invaded his mind. He didn’t want to think about what she was doing right now. He didn’t want to think about what they were doing right now. Thoughts of the lovestruck couple sheltering from the storm together entered his mind unbidden. He wished he could sit in the downpour and fool himself into believing tears weren’t pouring from his eyes.
He sniffled.
Pathetic.
He hated crying. It reminded him of the scared, miserable child he’d been when he first arrived in Rigbarth. Palmo had tried so hard to cheer him up and show him love; that man had done everything in his power to make young Ryker smile. Unfortunately, the kindhearted architect couldn’t erase the misery of being abandoned by the only family he knew. Ryker spent countless hours in this exact position, sobbing into his pillow and wishing his family loved him enough to want him back.
Augh, can’t that crazy man see? My own family tossed me to the side. I’m not someone that Alice would choose.
Ryker never expected to fall for the golden-haired ranger. He’d tried to keep his distance in the beginning, but to his surprise, the woman was both persistent and delightful, undeterred by his standoffishness and willing to force him to become her friend whether he wanted to or not. As the months passed and seasons changed, they began a routine of talking nearly every day, exchanging gifts, and going on adventures together. The more he grew to know her, the harder it became to extinguish the spark that ignited in his heart. She was strong. She was resilient. She was beautiful. And Gods be damned if she didn’t make the best croquettes in town. In the year since Alice dropped into this sleepy town, the spark had long since grown into a fully formed flame.
Ryker definitely never expected Alice to fall for him, either. Even as the fire in his heart began to grow, he knew that his feelings were destined to remain unrequited. However, now that he knew she’d never be his girl, it felt… Different. It felt final. She would move on with the rest of her life. She’d date Martin, get married, and maybe even have some little mint-haired children. That was everything Ryker dreamed but never dared to hope that he would experience with her, and it would all be with someone else. The thought made him feel sick. The warmth in his chest vanished and left him with an empty hole in its wake.
Why Martin? That boulder-head can barely even glance up from his forge, let alone hold a conversation.
Deep, deep in his heart, past the dark clouds of jealousy, Ryker knew that Martin didn’t deserve his hate. Sure, he was a dull workaholic, and yes, the man was immensely irritating, but he really wasn’t such a bad guy.
But would Martin love Alice like him? Would he treasure her with all his heart and soul? Would he make her happy?
Ugh. If they got married, I bet he wouldn’t even bother to come home on time. Bet he’d just stay at the forge all day and night and leave her by herself.
Damn it. If Alice let me, I’d give every ounce of my heart and soul to her. I’m not perfect. Hell, I ain’t even close.. But I’d do anything in my power to make her happy.
I wonder.. If I’d have worked harder, focused on the right things.. Would things be different? Would she have picked me..?
Ah, probably not.
Ryker's melancholy thoughts were his only companions as the pattering rain and rolling thunder lulled him into unconsciousness. He enjoyed a surprisingly tranquil sleep as he dreamed about what could never be.
“WONDERFUL AWAKENING!!”
The booming voice gave Ryker only a moment to prepare before his door burst open, smacking against the wall and revealing his mentor, wearing a beaming smile and bearing an oversized wooden breakfast tray.
“Geez, Palmo.. What time is it?”
“It is time for you to begin this glorious day!”
“That answers nothing,” Ryker mumbled as Palmo set the tray down on his bed and plopped down next to it.
He picked up a croquette and dropped it into his mouth. “HEAVENLY! I am sure you do not mind if I join you for this feast of my own creation, young Ryker. Oh, delicious! Wonder of all wonders! I have outdone myself!”
Ryker curled the wool blanket over his sleepy eyes as sunlight streamed in through his window. He felt worn down and wasted away. He wanted to stay in his bed all day.
Someday he’d have to walk out the door and face reality. Someday he’d have to see the young couple in all their lovesick glory. Someday he’d have to leave this bed… but not today.
Palmo pushed a croquette under his nose. “COME!! Partake of this expertly-produced feast!”
“I’m not hungry. Thanks for cooking, though.”
He really was grateful to the man. Palmo was the most generous, kind-hearted person he’d ever met. Though they had no blood relation, he’d housed Ryker and treated him like a son for nearly 15 years. Right now, however, eating was beyond him. His stomach felt like it was filled with lead, and his chest felt like it was being squashed by an Elefun. His heart was being crushed to dust, and it was all he could do not to burst into tears in front of the man.
“You must nourish your body and soul, my dear boy! Then come downstairs and keep your mentor company. All this rain certainly puts a damper on my mood.”
“You sure, Palmo? I’d be pretty crappy company today.. I’m sorry. Ugh, today is going to be the worst.”
“GLORIOUS!” exclaimed the joyful, plump man.
“Huh?”
Palmo clapped his hands together and grinned. “There’s nothing worser than the worst!”
“And that’s a good thing because..?”
“Because things can only get better and better! It will all be uphill from here, young Ryker!”
“Ah.” He was unconvinced. “Guess we’ll just have to wait and see about that,” he mumbled gloomily.
*CHING!*
The bell chimed as the first customer of the day entered the shop.
The exuberant architect jumped to his feet with surprising grace. “Oh, how the tremendous tides have turned! I must leave you. Enjoy the beginning of your worst of all days, my apprentice! I owe I owe, so off to work I go!”
Ryker could hear him cheerfully greeting the customer as he rushed down the stairs.
The depressed halfling seized the return of his solitude and shoved the covers over his head, wrapping himself into a cocoon of self-pity.
As he drifted into the beginning of another dissociative sleep, a loud, unexpected noise woke him and forced him out of bed.
*CRASH*
“OH NOES! WOE IS ME!”
…
“SHOCKING MISFORTUNE! WRETCHED DAY! OH, THE PAIN! THE PAIN!!”
Oh gods, Palmo!
Ryker stumbled towards the door. He wrenched it open, smacking his head in his haste. He dashed down the hall and swiftly cleared the wooden stairs until he stood in the shop. It was a miracle he made it to the bottom without tripping and falling to his untimely death. In his daze, it took him a moment to unravel the scene that lay before him.
Alice stood at the front desk, clearly stunned. She peered over the large wooden surface to see Palmo on the opposite side. He was sprawled out dramatically, looking like a beetle stuck on its back.
“He… he was walking and he just… fell right over!” Alice explained, quickly pulling out all of the healing supplies stored in her ever-stocked rucksack.
Palmo turned his head toward Ryker. “Oh Alice, it seems I am saved! My benevolent boy has come to my rescue!”
Ryker rushed to his side and crouched next to him, acutely aware of his disheveled appearance and Alice’s eyes boring into his back. “Are you okay? I heard your scream.. What happened?”
“Oh, it was a most unfortunate event! I believe I slipped on a nail!”
“Are you hurt? Is anything broken?”
“Oh noes, I believe I simply need some rest. You must take the reins and handle the shop today, my capable apprentice. Please, oh please! Say you will!” Palmo stared at him with pleading eyes.
“T-today?” he stammered, glancing back at the blonde ranger behind him. “I-I don’t know... Can’t we just take a day off? Any day but today.. I-I’m not sure I ca-”
Palmo writhed and flopped on the floor like a fish. “OH, THE PAIN! WHAT WRETCHED MISFORTUNE! THE AGONIZING PAI-”
“Gah! Okay, okay! I’ll take care of the shop today.”
The pain instantaneously disappeared from his body and a relieved smile spread across his face. “Splendiferous! Help me to my room, now. Can you carry moi?” The large man reached his hands up like a small child.
Ryker stared at him in amazement. “How strong do you think I am, Palmo? Geez… I’m not a God!”
Alice glided around the desk. “I can help you!”
Palmo waved her away with his hands. “No, no, thank you my dear, but we shall be fine! Your generosity is bounteous, as always! My dear Ryker shall be able to manage. Believe it or not, he is quite the strong boy, despite his rather frail and sickly appearan-”
“Alright, alright,” Ryker muttered as he bent down to help him up. “We get it.” He hunched over so the shorter man could wrap his arm over his shoulders.
“Oh, how strong and kind! Kong! Strind! Once a small and puny boy, he has grown into a benevolent man who still cares for his mentor!” He let out a few dramatic, wet sobs into Ryker’s arm.
Honestly. Could this day get any more humiliating?
The worn stairs squeaked under their combined weight as they climbed to the second floor and walked down the hall towards Palmo’s room. He noticed, with some suspicion, that the “injured” man walked easily and didn’t lean into him for support.
Ryker opened the latch and pushed the door open with his leg. “Well, here ya go. Go get some rest, ya big weirdo.”
Palmo unentangled himself from the young man and grabbed him by the collar of his cloak.
“Young Ryker!” he urgently whispered, his wide mouth spreading into a mischievous grin. “Go down and attend to our best customer. May the fantastic tidings of love be with you! Good luck!”
Palmo shoved him out of his room with surprising force and slammed the door shut. He heard the sound of multiple locks being engaged.
Ryker stood dumbly outside the door and glanced around the now-empty hallway.
What the hell just happened..?