Chapter Text
Sat 2 Oct, 8:02
Unknown Number: hobbit is home dw
Unknown Number: and I saw what happened
Unknown Number: just so u kno
Kurt: hi sorry who is this?
Unknown Number: ah shit
Unknown Number: it’s sebastian
Kurt: oh right
Kurt: sorry but what are you talking about?
Unknown Number: I got blaine home so don’t panic
Kurt: oh right
Kurt: thanks
Unknown Number: I saw what happened before he stormed off
Unknown Number: kno u won’t wanna talk to me abt it but fuck him
(Seen 9:41)
Tues 5 Oct, 19:16
Evil meerkat: what the fuck
Evil meerkat: know it’s not my place but u two are still together fr?
Kurt: no it’s really not your place
Evil meerkat: u don’t even sound like urself rn wtf r u doing
Kurt: you don’t know what I text like
Kurt: can’t you just leave it
Evil meerkat: i may not like u but even i have lines
Evil meerkat: that shit was awful
Evil meerkat: ur an idiot to go back to him
Kurt: oh fuck off
Kurt: I’ll block you
Evil meerkat: fine stay with the dwarf
Evil meerkat: makes no difference to me
(Seen 20:22)
Thurs 7 October, 18:22
Kurt: what did you see
Evil meerkat: outside scandals?
Evil meerkat: only caught the end of it but u had to fight him off
Evil meerkat: too far even for me
Kurt: he was drunk
Evil meerkat: fuck that
Evil meerkat: i saw him after he wasn’t that bad
Evil meerkat: not that it matters btw
(Seen 23:03)
Sat 4 Dec, 11:05
Evil meerkat: congrats on sectionals
Evil meerkat: i can’t wait to destroy u at regionals
Kurt: oh please
Kurt: now we have my girls back you may as well withdraw now
Kurt: avoid the embarrassment
Evil meerkat: the secondhand embarrassment?
Evil meerkat: it’s so sweet ur thinking abt how u losing will effect me
Kurt: did you pull something? cus that’s a stretch even for you
Evil meerkat: oh cus i workout?
Evil meerkat: wow didn’t think u noticed
Evil meerkat: really can’t take ur eyes off me huh?
Kurt: gross I’m taken
Evil meerkat: wait seriously
Evil meerkat: not to beat a dead horse but u can’t be serious
Kurt: why are you so upset about this?
Kurt: literally wtf is your problem with me and Blaine? cus you’ve had a problem with me since we met
Evil meerkat: it’s not the same now
Evil meerkat: if ur gonna stay with him then fine
Evil meerkat: my conscience is clear that’s all i care abt
Kurt: clearly not since you’re still on it
Evil meerkat: someone has to
Kurt: no???
Evil meerkat: yes
Evil meerkat: did he even apologise?
Kurt: it’s been months why do you care?
Evil meerkat: so that’s a no
Evil meerkat: he didn’t sound apologetic on the drive home
Evil meerkat: ever wanna get over him just drive him home drunk
Kurt: driven him home plenty and still love him
Evil meerkat: how cute
Evil meerkat: im gonna be sick
Kurt: why the fuck am I even talking to you?
Evil meerkat: cus nobody else knows
Kurt: fuck off
Evil meerkat: “fuck off” still messaging me back aren’t u?
Evil meerkat: i kno it’s still messing with u
Evil meerkat: i may not like u but im gonna stay team “anti assault” so
Kurt: ffs that’s not what happened
Evil meerkat: then what did, princess?
Kurt: nothing, meerkat
Evil meerkat: oh how cutting
Evil meerkat: and how avoidant
Evil meerkat: lmk when his spell wears off and u wanna deal with his highness’s drunken lapse
Kurt: lmk when you learn what boundaries are
Evil meerkat: i know them just don’t believe in them
(Seen 13:25)
Sat 25 Dec, 13:09
Evil meerkat: happy xmas
Kurt: ??????
Evil meerkat: rude
Kurt: happy christmas
Evil meerkat: better
Evil meerkat: how’s the tv special going?
Kurt: 1 how do you know about that
Kurt: 2 why do you care???
Evil meerkat: 1 i own a tv which sometimes has a tv schedule and ur on in like half hr
Evil meerkat: 2 i dont
Kurt: fine
Evil meerkat: ok fine
Evil meerkat: i wanna be able to gossip to my grandparents abt it theyll love it
Kurt: wow you really broke that easy?? thought it’d take more
Evil meerkat: yeah yeah
Evil meerkat: the drama?
Kurt: Artie being a dictator as usual
Kurt: had some dream abt the star wars special but it’s under copyright so we have a bad rip off
Kurt: sets are gorgeous and musical numbers are great so you’re in for a treat
Evil meerkat: i get to appease my gran and scope out the competition
Evil meerkat: an xmas miracle
Evil meerkat: nervous?
Kurt: we’re starting soon
Evil meerkat: good luck
Evil meerkat: oh wow what a lovely couple how nice and not awful at all
Evil meerkat: wow the star wars is pretty on the nose my gran is loving this
Evil meerkat: blonde dance girl is fire i love her
Kurt: and we’re cancelled :(
Evil meerkat: just saw the schedule change
Kurt: glad someone seemed to like it
Evil meerkat: my gran liked it very much
Kurt: not you?
Evil meerkat: i like the confidence it gave me that we’re beating u at regionals without a sweat
Kurt: can’t let me have anything can you
Evil meerkat: u may start getting greedy
Evil meerkat: i already have to deal w trent
Evil meerkat: can’t juggle 2 divas
Kurt: trent isn’t that bad
Evil meerkat: u would say that
Evil meerkat: it’s like a divas union
Kurt: you’re such a child
Evil meerkat: oh i am so wounded
Kurt: sadly I have better things to do that talk to you
Evil meerkat: unlikely. what?
Kurt: watching paint dry
(Seen 16:19)
Sat 1 Jan, 00:03
Kurt: happy new year
Evil meerkat: were u thinking of me?
Kurt: I hate you
Evil meerkat: happy new year
Mon 3 Feb, 14:44
Evil meerkat: ur bf is an idiot
Evil meerkat: giving u a warning but we’re taking michael
Kurt: michael?
Evil meerkat: jackson
Kurt: ffs
(Seen 14:52)
Monday 3 Feb, 19:32
Kurt: we’re not letting this go
Kurt: the others are really pissed
Evil meerkat: good blaine was an idiot
Kurt: at you not him idiot
Evil meerkat: god he really has people wrapped around his finger
Kurt: don’t talk abt him like that
Kurt: besides you liked him too
Kurt: enough to mess with us over
Evil meerkat: ur not wondering why he asked me out to lunch then?
Evil meerkat: when u had so many fights abt it
Kurt: I was being possessive
Evil meerkat: i was trying to steal ur boyfriend??????
Evil meerkat: mostly cus ur fun to annoy
Evil meerkat: but u weren’t possessive
Kurt: wow just who I wanna hear that from
Kurt: why even go for coffee?
Kurt: you sound like you hate him
Evil meerkat: i do
Evil meerkat: i think he’s a slimy loser and an idiot and he treats u like shit
Evil meerkat: and loath as i am to say it i hate u less now
Evil meerkat: ur like a little hamster i get to watch run around it’s cage in circles all the time
Kurt: lovely
Kurt: they’re gonna try and fight this out y’know
Evil meerkat: let them try
Evil meerkat: u know how the warblers can be
Evil meerkat: now the ideas in their heads it’s in stone
Tues 4 Feb, 23:47
Kurt: slushies??? really??
Evil meerkat: ur lucky
Evil meerkat: any other time id have suggested we put rock salt in
Evil meerkat: really mess up ur outfit
Kurt: tell me you’re kidding
Kurt: that could have blinded someone
Kurt: it WOULD have blinded Blaine
Evil meerkat: okay but i didn’t
Evil meerkat: besides
Evil meerkat: not my fault he has a saviour complex
Kurt: he just wanted to protect me
Evil meerkat: from a slushy
Kurt: it was nice
Evil meerkat: it was weird
Evil meerkat: esp since he overreacted
Evil meerkat: did he cry?
Kurt: don’t be a prick
Evil meerkat: he totally cried
Kurt: why haven’t I blocked you?
Evil meerkat: im charming
Evil meerkat: look none of us really care abt michael
Evil meerkat: for the guys it’s just head games
Kurt: wow didn’t see that coming at all
Evil meerkat: shush
Evil meerkat: i just wanna teach blaine a lesson
Evil meerkat: that doesn’t work if u all keep coddling him tho
Kurt: that’s not fair and not your place
Kurt: besides it’s not like anyone is his biggest fan rn
Kurt: finn is super pissed but seems a bit swayed by earlier
Evil meerkat: u know he did that to get off the hook right?
Evil meerkat: slushiest on clothes come out easy and don’t hurt
Evil meerkat: he just has to play the martyr
Kurt: oh just leave him alone for god sake
(Seen 00:05)
Wed 5 Feb, 19:37
Evil meerkat: that girl is incredible
Evil meerkat: absolutely insane
Evil meerkat: but incredible
Kurt: I’m sorry I told her not to
Kurt: it’s not like you actually hurt anyone it was a huge overreaction
Kurt: I don’t know what she thought she’d get out of you
Evil meerkat: don’t fret u poor delicate thing
Evil meerkat: i scared the crazy lady away
Kurt: seriously if she was any trouble I’m sorry
Evil meerkat: eh
Evil meerkat: she just tried to intimidate me
Evil meerkat: think she shook some of the guys up but it really wasn’t any worse than us stealing ur plans
Kurt: if you’re sure…
(Seen 20:01)
Tues 15 Feb, 18:25
Kurt: can you be honest with me about something?
Evil meerkat: don’t like this already but sure
Evil meerkat: do what i can i guess?
Kurt: are you just being shitty about blaine as a new way to fuck with me?
Evil meerkat: he assaulted u
Kurt: that’s not an answer
Evil meerkat: yes it fucking is dont be difficult
Evil meerkat: no im not just trying to fuck with u
Kurt: and you really think I should leave him?
Evil meerkat: obviously yes
Evil meerkat: what is this abt?
Kurt: it doesn’t matter
Evil meerkat: yeah sure
Evil meerkat: that’s y ur asking me of all ppl
Evil meerkat: don’t lie
Kurt: fine
Kurt: I just got an offer from someone earlier and it made me realise
Kurt: maybe I’ve let myself think blaine is as good as I’m gonna get
Kurt: and maybe that’s true but it’s not like I’ll never be loved again? maybe?
Evil meerkat: okay woah
Evil meerkat: wtf mrs hummel i was expecting anger
Evil meerkat: specifically anger at me
Kurt: fine it doesn’t matter anyway
Evil meerkat: not so fast im listening!
Evil meerkat: what did this guy say?
Kurt: you really wanna know?
Evil meerkat: im nosy
Kurt: it was the guy who threatened to kill me
Kurt: he told me he’d always liked me and asked me out
Evil meerkat: wait wtf
Kurt: he’s still in the closet and always had a hard time with it so it was brave of him and I respected it a lot so it got me thinking abt everything
Kurt: what?
Evil meerkat: death threat????
Kurt: you didn’t know abt that?
Kurt: shouldn’t be surprised you never bothered to ask around abt me like you did blaine
Evil meerkat: 1 never asked around abt blaine I was just told cus thad wouldn’t stop moping abt him
Evil meerkat: 2 ive asked but nobody said that
Evil meerkat: ur better at keeping ur shit to urself than u realise hummel
Kurt: it’s why I transferred it’s not exactly a secret
Kurt: it’s water under the bridge now tho
Evil meerkat: that’s just water under the bridge??
Evil meerkat: ur too forgiving kurt
Kurt: you don’t have to tell me that
(Seen 20:01)
Sat 19 Feb, 11:03
Sebastian: u can’t seriously be on a date rn
Kurt: ?
Sebastian: Attached Image File
Kurt: creepy???
Sebastian: im just trying to enjoy my morning coffee i don’t wanna see that
Kurt: we’re just sat
Sebastian: well stop
Sebastian: if u have to “date” him then do it where i can’t see
Kurt: you’re so dramatic
Sebastian: i know u just kissed him to piss me off
Sebastian: i don’t hate him for my sake u realise that
Sebastian: why tf do i bother?
Kurt: you’re such a drama queen
Sebastian: and u look like if someone made an 8 year old watch all of drag race in one sitting
Kurt: and you look like chace crawford drawn from memory
Sebastian: uncalled for
Kurt: you literally started it
Sebastian: im not the one still dating a predator
Kurt: stop talking abt him like that
Sebastian: ill stop when he apologises
Sebastian: he still hasn’t has he?
(Seen 11:22)