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1. Taking care of Sunwoo when he’s travelling
Sunwoo was a needy growing boy. He thrived off attention, not necessarily in the wrong way, but more akin to a teenager (that he was deprived of the experience) who needed as much love as his brothers could give to fill the void of his wallowing homesickness.
My heart is fluttering, baby.
This was, of course, not an exception with travelling.
Despite everything, Changmin hated to admit that he unironically loves travelling with their youngest. He provides all the entertainment needed, no matter the city they’ve landed in for concerts or official content. Perhaps there it was the disparate and unfamiliar atmosphere when they were allowed to travel purely for pleasure. A lack of staff, constant 24/7 surveillance, schedules or a lack thereof. Changmin loved it.
He didn’t really love it when he was put in charge of waking up his bunkmate at the ungodly hours of 3 in the morning for a 6 am flight to Okinawa. Because as much as he may be slight, the smidgest bit whipped for his boy, even that couldn’t combat the energy it took to wake Sunwoo.
“Yah, Kim Sunwoo.”
He rubbed his eyes drowsily, running a hand through his horrific bed hair as he briefly enjoyed the morning silence and the quiet shuffling from Jacob and Younghoon. With the experience of living under the same roof for 4+ years, he threw a particularly hard pillow at the other’s sleeping figure.
“Wake up!”
Jacob, bless him, gave Changmin a rather pitiful glance out in the doorway as he watched the other struggle. With a heavy hand and the satanic sadistic intent within him, Changmin slapped the living shit out of Sunwoo’s arm.
“FUCKING CHRIST ALMIGHTY-”
Changmin quickly slapped a hand over the other’s mouth, shushing him just as noisily.
“Get ready in 10.” He gave the boy a quick ruffle before getting up himself and dressing.
Sunwoo was oddly mature for his age. Changmin wondered if it was due to his upbringing as the elder sibling, or maybe he just had to grow up too quickly in the brutal period of being a trainee. His heart clenched as he saw Sunwoo acting so cool and brazen both on and off camera, but the occasional moments of seeing The Boyz’ maknae truly acting his age was when he truly felt happy for the other. It’s why they couldn’t help but dote on Sunwoo. The image of their cool but beagle-like member when he first joined the company was something that burned into Changmin’s mind.
It was rather adorable when Sunwoo trailed after Jacob and Younghoon in the airport, eyes permanently half-lidded with tiredness, tinted red from the number of times he had rubbed them to stay away. Changmin found himself (completely) enamoured at the slight pout the other had whenever he would practice his broken Japanese with Younghoon, the way he would timidly wrap his hand around any of his hyung’s arms as they walked. The twinkle in Sunwoo’s eyes and grateful smiles when Changmin bought them ice cream almost made his heart melt right then and there.
The incessant pips of Sunwoo were akin to a puppy calling for attention from its benevolent owners. Nevertheless, of course, they’d try their absolute best to take care of their youngest, it was their duty after all.
“Hyung! Look at the ocean line!”
“Hyung! Shouldn’t we eat here, it looks really nice!”
“Hyung! Hyung! Can we get this?”
“Hyung! I forgot my swimsuit!”
Changmin sighed, rubbing his temples as he dragged Sunwoo along with Jacob and Younghoon to another store as he grumbled about responsibility and organisation. Younghoon and Changmin, in comparison to the other two, had significantly less energy in travelling from store to store, but as a holiday he couldn’t complain about the activities. As it may be it was probably his fault for not helping Sunwoo pack, recalling the many times they would go on overnight trips for comeback content and he would end up bringing a single toiletries bag half-full and one pair of underwear that probably hadn’t been washed.
Jacob chuckled at Changmin’s exasperated expression lined with adoration. Changmin furrowed his eyebrows at the eldest, “What, Cobie-hyung?”
He shook his head, grinning, “Nothing, nothing.”
Changmin gave him an incredulous look. He did look fairly ridiculous with his fish shoes worn over black socks in 30-degree weather.
Jacob shrugged, bringing out his phone and taking a picture of the two of them, sending it off to Kevin. “I haven’t seen you happy in a while.”
Sunwoo exited the store, a wide grin splashed across his face as he excitedly conversed with Younghoon about his newly purchased fishy bathing shorts. Younghoon, equally as amused, slapped him on the back before taking Sunwoo’s hat off and messing up the younger’s hair unabashedly.
“Younghoon, bullying those who are smaller than you is ungentlemanly to the weak!” Jacob exclaimed.
Sunwoo protested, shouting at their tallest member, groundless insults barrelling from his quick-witted tongue. Changmin couldn’t help but silently reach up to the (unfortunately) taller boy, fixing his flyaways by simply running a hand through and readjusting the hat again to fit properly. He couldn’t bare to drag his eyes off the other’s smile that really, really did shine brighter than the sun. Their deobi’s endearment of calling Sunwoo the sun held too close to the truth. No matter where they were, he always glowed even in the dimmest moments they’d had. He was always a form of motivation when Changmin or any of the members truly were in their lowest moments, somehow Sunwoo always knew what to say at the moment, or would break the tension in the room with some stupid joke his brilliant brain would blurt out.
The more I look at you,
the more excited I feel.
It's perfect, love
He suddenly felt his own heavy gawking be reciprocated out of the blue. With the discrepancy of a cat who just turned over its owner’s mug off the table, Changmin looked away and coughed with blatant fabrication.
“Hyung? Is there something on my face?”
He shook his head, “Ugliness.”
Sunwoo gasped, shouting another curse and slapping Changmin on the shoulder, “Oi!”
“Hey! Don’t disrespect your hyungs!”
“Hyung that was rude! Repent!”
The younger huffed, with obviously no lingering malicious intent behind his words.
Changmin gratuitously sighed, tearing his eyes away from Sunwoo’s charming bratty attitude. He ended up buying Sunwoo a pair of glasses and food later in the day. Arm in arm with Sunwoo, they walked across the bridge in Okinawa as Younghoon and Jacob passed by local shops for more trinkets and whatnot. The night was graced with cool salty air from the ocean, in isolation from the typical city light pollution, the sky was littered with endless galaxies that reflected on Sunwoo’s already twinkling golden eyes. He was falling so bad for this bratty kid under the Okinawa skies, or maybe the wall he had built ever since 2014 that he strengthened in 2016 ever since. Regardless, it sent his heart into a silent frenzy as he felt Sunwoo grip his arm out of habit as they quietly roamed the Okinawa streets.
2. Taking care of him when he’s sick
Of course, sickness was inevitable, and in this case, almost expected from their arduous and draining journey of finishing Road to Kingdom. But it didn’t mean Changmin couldn’t panic. Hell, as much as he adored the staff of Crek.Ker and how grateful he is to the newly founded success they achieved through it, he saw his fellow members, brothers, suffer physical, and mental stress-backed breakdowns at 4 am as they tried to learn a MAMA level performance in just over a week. Changmin still shivered at the recollection of staying up with Juyeon and their dear choreographer, Mihawk, perfecting moves beforehand to have more hands helping out. In those weeks he barely got over 10 hours of sleep in total. Sunwoo, even more so, had suffered through boundless hardships through being their ‘designated stuntman’ (despite being the proclaimed biggest scaredy-cat amongst their members). Changmin’s heart squeezed at the sight of all his members’ anguish, everyone returning to the dorms, wordlessly crashing into their respective sleeping arrangements and passing out from pure exhaustion.
It’s why the second he saw a pained expression grace Sunwoo’s face and a distressed quiet groan in the practice room, Changmin forced everyone to stop in midst of the Stealer’s 2nd verse. The Boyz had a particularly difficult time dealing with injuries, especially with the initial scare of Hyunjun’s ankle years ago that progressed into the worst case scenario ever imagined. An event that caused a part of each member's heart to be ripped out as they sent him off to his endeavours that would no longer concern them anymore despite years of acquaintance and what they could call a family.
“Sunwoo, you okay dude?” Eric called from the ground, quickly standing up to check on their other maknae.
Hyunjae turned around, a worried glance looked at Sunwoo’s way, who was shaking his head as he was bent over gasping for hair from their endless choreography practice. Sangyeon gulped, calling for a proper break for the staff as Hyunjae and Jacob grabbed the basket of water bottles over.
Changmin watched from afar, finding difficulty in approaching the other, but still able to voice his concerns. Maybe he had pushed them too hard in practice, maybe he shouldn’t have forced all this unintended pressure down his member’s throats because he was so harrowed by the possibility of disappointing their newly found fans from Road to Kingdom, despite objections of those thoughts from Chanhee on those late nights.
Their diligent manager, bless him, took a reluctant Sunwoo from the ground and brought him to sit by the mirror.
“It’s fine, it’s really nothing, I swear. I’ll be okay.”
Changmin scoffed, without a thought snarking on that comment, “That’s what Hyunjun said the first time.”
Chanhee cursed, smacking his best friend on the back of his head. It was rightfully deserved. He was in a strange, horrible mood recently, all in preparation for The Chase, and he couldn’t help but place that burden on every member. The group took a collectively longer break and took it easier on the choreography for the rest of the night, before returning to the dorm at 2 am. As they returned and for the first few days of their new album promotion period, all seemed to run as smoothly as they wished. Stage incidents were fewer, with the trauma of Road to Kingdom making them almost desensitised to such issues coming up. Changmin’s mood lightened up significantly, finally coming to his senses about his previous actions and words that perhaps harmed more than helped at the moment.
On another one of those nights, after a late practice for Mcountdown, Changmin knocked on their shared room door, knowing Kevin was with Jacob doing whatever Canadians do together. Out of nowhere, he heard a pained groan strangled out, once more, from that all too familiar voice. In a rush, Changmin burst through the door in a hurry, heart stilling as he saw the sight of his beloved younger member on the ground, clutching his neck and head with white brazened knuckles and stiffened arms.
“Someone get manager-nim!” He yelled out to the door, hearing footsteps start to quicken in the background. Sunwoo’s frame shivered at the noise, curling into his body somehow even more.
Changmin held his breath, before gently lifting Sunwoo’s head and whispering in the stablest tone he could hold, “Sunwoo, Sunwoo are you with me?’
Sunwoo shook his head, whimpering and cursing under his breath. In the moment of weakness, he heard Sunwoo utter in the most heartbreakingly fragile and feeble tone he hadn’t heard since their trainee period, “Hyung, it hurts.”
Changmin nodded, exhaling a shaky breath as his heart tried to calm at the sound of hastened footsteps of their manager approaching the room. With his equally unsteady hands, he ran his fingers through Sunwoo’s head in his intimate familiar manner, shushing the boy’s cries as he brought his member closer to his chest. He kept stroking the other’s hair, mumbling shaky groundless reassurance as their managers finally came and brought Sunwoo to the company car for the hospital. The rest of the members stood in the dorm, worry plastered on one another’s faces as they idly waited for news of their beloved brother. Eric had never looked so distracted and distressed before. The tense atmosphere of even their most energetic and brightest boy feeling anxiety failed to soothe any of their hearts as they tirelessly waited, despite only a few hours to go till their pre-recording for Mcountdown would start.
After what seemed like centuries passing, they received a call from their manager.
“It’s just a bad sprain he probably got from practice. Nothing too serious nor needs anything more than rest.”
In a collective exhale of relief, the members sighed graciously. Eric almost looked like he was about to burst into tears as he muttered thanks of the god from his endless motor of a mouth into Jacob’s shoulder. Haknyeon called out for everyone to have an early night, himself feeling more than elated at the news as he returned to his room. With a silent agreement, the members broke off into their respective rooms, save for Eric who crashed with Juyeon and Younghoon for the night.
Changmin couldn’t help but feel tonnes of guilty weight resting on his own shoulders, as he realised the implications of such injury and the origin. Chanhee wordlessly rubbed his back, squeezing his shoulder in comfort en route to their rooms.
.
After another day of fatiguing recording, eyebags littered all 10 of the members so dark that the makeup noonas scolded them for it. The day was made just slightly better with a reassuring message of Sunwoo’s current state mid-way through the live broadcast. On return to the dorm, Changmin made sure to tag along with Kevin as they purchased heat pads, take away Samyetang and eel sushi on sale.
“You know, Changmin, you shouldn’t worry so much.” Kevin hummed, swinging the heavy bag of snacks for the members lightly. “This much anxiety is gonna cause early on-set of wrinkles.”
Changmin chewed on his lip, “But-”
Kevin raised in eyebrow, “He’ll be fine.”
“He’s like, a big baby.”
Kevin deadpanned, “He’s literally 2 years younger than you and is turning 21 this year.”
Changmin waved his hands animatedly, “So?! He can’t even remember when to take his meds or what time to wake up for schedules? Of course he worries me.” He added, “Us, the members. And you know, he’s gonna feel terrible as well! It’s only been 3 days since we came ba-”
“Yeah?” Kevin, with his free hand, opened a pack of Pepero, nonchalantly shoving one into Changmin’s mouth to stop him from rambling. “I think Sunwoo would bully you till eternity if he knew how worried and enamoured you are with his wellbeing. It’s sweet.”
Changmin scowled, “I just, I just think I probably played a part in this.”
“You’re a bit emotionally stunted, I’ll give you that.” Kevin munched cheerfully.
He smacked Kevin’s hat off with a flick, a curse he couldn’t understand was let out from Kevin at the action, “What’s that supposed to mean, you love-sick fool?”
“May God deliver his worst punishment to you for such thoughts.” Kevin grumbled.
At every opportunity he could, he would linger in his room with Kevin and Sunwoo, either being an overly doting hyung by spoon-feeding Sunwoo the chicken soup or honey lemon tea. In reality, perhaps Changmin did overreact in the moment of when he found Sunwoo on the ground. But now, Sunwoo was about to smack the living hell out of Changmin for making him feel like a child and Changmin is excessively devoted mother. Changmin was determined to personally nurse his fellow roommate back to perfect health, as he personally felt the guilt of allowing such event to happen, despite constant reminders from Kevin and Chanhee disregarding it.
“Changmin-hyung, the doctor said I’m literally recovered.”
Changmin waved a report given to him by the manager, “No, your doctor said continued bed-rest is what you need.”
“I don’t even feel the pain anymore! I probably just moved my head in the wrong direction or something!”
The older man hit Sunwoo on the head lightly with the end of the chopsticks he held, “Yah, Kim Sunwoo! Keep your ass on that bed or so help me god I’ll take a piece out of you!”
A love with you is the reason
I don't want to wake up from my dream
Sunwoo grimaced, “I hate this fucking family.”
In the corridor, he could hear a chorus of “We love you too,” from 9 voices around the dorm.
“CHANGMIN-HYUNG I’M LITERALLY A GROWN ADULT-”
“SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND DON’T YELL AT ME!”
The tired screech of their dear vocalist Chanhee echoed from the room connected to theirs, “STOP YELLING I’M TRYING TO FUCKING SLEEP-”
“SHUT UP CHANHEE I KNOW YOU’RE JUST WATCHING NAYEON FANCAMS!”
“FUCK YOU!”
Sangyeon’s resounding voice boomed from the doorway, “ANOTHER SOUND AND YOU THREE ARE PAYING FOR DINNER!”
In an instant, silence finally graced the dormitory. It was astounding they had yet to receive a noise complaint.
Changmin stuck his tongue out to their leader, copied immediately by Sunwoo on the bed. Sangyeon, with the heaviness of a 25 year old amongst literal children, dragged himself back to the living room couch.
Sunwoo grinned, “It’s a wonder why he hasn’t started growing white hairs. He’s so old.”
“I heard that!”
Sunwoo unabashedly blew a raspberry. Changmin chuckled at the response, “Well he might’ve, maybe it’s just covered up by the copious hair dye we’re enslaved to.”
Sunwoo nodded thoughtfully, before lying back down on the pillows and opening his phone to whatever social media to mindlessly scroll. In their hectic promotion schedule, it was still nice they had time like these. Members scattered across the dorm in various locations, waiting for dinner quietly by watching TV, playing League like the true toxic gamers half of them, or being smart and sleeping like Chanhee.
Changmin fumbled with his fingers, after finally setting down the finished Samyetang and chopsticks. He stroked the beagle boy’s newly dyed and cut black hair. He had to admit, the red hair was still his favourite of Sunwoo’s colours. It matched Sunwoo’s fiery attitude and mentality, fortified with strength he wish he possessed, a perfect combo of Sunwoo’s sultry powerful rap and aura on stage. But the short black hair reminded him so much of 2016, a freshly cut bowlcut on top of 16 year old with pure hopes and dreams driving his passion for the stage. How innocent he was, how he was a prodigy, how goddamn cute he was that it drove Changmin crazy thinking about it. His restraint of not just taking a bite out of Sunwoo’s head from his unfiltered cuteness deserved an award.
His mind decided to suddenly supply him with a flashback of what he said to the boy in his hands just a couple of days ago. Right, he had yet to apologise.
“Sunwoo.”
Sunwoo looked up from his phone with those beagle eyes, “Hm? What is it hyung?”
Fuck. He was going to cry at those eyes. He probably did already.
“I-I’m…” He coughed. As incapable as he is at expressing his emotions like a normal human being, he knew he had to follow the all-knowing Kevin’s wise words of “Don’t be a pussy” for once in his life.
“I’m sorry for what I said, about Hyunjun. And saying the other stuff as well.” Changmin looked away, “I wasn’t in the right mind. I wasn’t thinking properly, and this isn’t an excuse for what hurt I might’ve caused on you, and the rest of the members.”
Sunwoo’s face was unreadable. Changmin felt the insistent urge within him to bolt out of the room and consider beginning a new career of clownery with the circus, it was fitting.
“Sorry. Sorry I’ll take my leave.” His hand left Sunwoo’s hair, his body about to stand up and run from their room before a strong incessant grip held onto his bracelet-covered wrist.
Sunwoo choked out a laugh, shaking his head, “Changmin-hyung. It’s fine. I understand, okay?”
There it is. That infinite compassion and merciful true personality that made him fall head over heels in adoration. Simple words that caused his brain to spiral and his heart strings to tug so hard he feels like they might break if Sunwoo even looks at him with those eyes filled with such sincerity. Changmin should really get an award for acting at this point in keeping such a blank face on him, despite the internal meltdown that was happening to his brain.
Bloom, bloom, pow!
The moment I met you
I feel like my heart is bursting, wow, wow
3. When Sunwoo's in charge of cleaning
Shoo! Let's go up to the sky
And color the landscape with spring
As the seasons pass, so does time, once more, go by in a snap of a finger. After a tearful promotion filled with their 2nd ever music show win, and subsequent 3 more, they finally move. The old dorm possessed years and years of memories that could never be replaced, nor could the feeling of family that each member felt towards one another when living together. Regardless, despite the nostalgic grips, relief coursed through all 11 members when they heard the news. As much as boundless love for one’s members can hold a group, spending 24/7 in an apartment that could barely hold all of them with up to 3 members sharing one room wasn’t particularly comfortable. The splitting of the dorm saw the eldest Sangyeon, Hyunjae, Juyeon and Haknyeon move elsewhere. In 5 bedrooms of the old dorm, where the rest of the members resided, it was infinitely more comfortable and spacious. Though, initially, the lingering feeling of missing the other members still held. In both new apartments, silence was more prevalent than ever before. It was a jarring contrast to the past, but welcome nevertheless.
One thing that’s stayed constant no matter what, is how god awful Sunwoo is at cleaning and taking care of himself.
Bless Eric Sohn, Sohn Youngjae, who forced all of them to develop smart and efficient cleaning habits to prevent the dorm from looking like a rat’s nest. In comparison to TXT’s dorm, when Changmin went to visit Soobin and the rest of TXT, he thought they were doing pretty well. Sunwoo, however, has managed to develop one good habit and that was closing the toilet lid after he finished.
Changmin, Chanhee and Younghoon entered the dorm after a morning outing with Hyunjae and Juyeon, only to be graced with significantly more face masks stuck to the walls than usual. In addition, clothes were thrown haphazardly onto the living room, bathroom floor, both clean and dirty. Changmin could spot Younghoon’s sweater carelessly lying on the couch where it had most definitely been sitting folded this morning. Furthermore, bits of ramen packaging and dry noodles littered the dinner table, what seemed to be a half-assed attempt of washing the dishes laid in the sink.
Kevin, Eric and Jacob were out for the Daebak show currently and wouldn’t be returning till the afternoon. Which left only one person in the dorm as the sole suspect of such mess, and the only one who could ever do such in a short span of time without surveillance.
Chanhee yelled, “KIM SUNWOO! EXPLAIN YOURSELF!”
A mumbled shout of protest echoed from Chanhee’s room.
In a flurry, Chanhee stormed to the noise, gasping at the sight that bestowed him and Changmin and Younghoon who followed behind.
The scene was truly something. Sunwoo was lazily laying on Chanhee’s bed with ugg boots on, a shirt that was both worn the wrong way and inside out hung on his broad shoulders and trackpants that Changmin swore were not his. He was eating from a bowl of popcorn whilst watching something on Kevin’s laptop.
An incomprehensible jumble of words flowed from Sunwoo’s popcorn filled mouth, which roughly translated into, “I’m watching Jujutsu Kaisen!”
Younghoon cackled behind Changmin, tears in his eyes at the sight before pulling out a phone and taking a picture. He clapped both Changmin and Chanhee on the back before leaving to order lunch for all of them.
Changmin debated whether to save Sunwoo or let Chanhee rightfully throttle the younger’s neck.
“CHANHEE-SSI! CHANHEE-HYUNG DON’T EHFKS-”
Sunwoo choked, punching Chanhee in the sides to make him let go of his hair and neck as Chanhee shook him violently with the vigour of his ancestral asian mothers.
“First, you eat on MY bed, with SHOES ON?! Second, you leave Younghoon and Jacob’s laundry everywhere and leave a mess on the dinner table! THIRD- THIRD AND DEFININTELY NOT LAST! WHY ARE YOUR FACEMASKS MULTIPLYING!”
Changmin forgot how intimidating Chanhee could be, being one of the tallest members of the Boyz, in the moment he couldn’t help but be impressed on how loud Chanhee could be. Poor Sunwoo, but also, those habits needed to be gone.
“Sunwoo, you’re lucky Eric isn’t here. He would’ve murdered your ass.” Changmin chuckled.
Chanhee sighed, finally letting go of Sunwoo who sighed in relief. He exited to the room, before coming back shortly after with a laundry basket, a mop, a duster and a pan. Chanhee muttered a string of curses under his breath as stood cross armed, watching Sunwoo clean up his room until he was satisfied. Changmin decided to go to the kitchen to tidy up the table and finish the dishes.
In half an hour, Changmin could hear an exasperated sigh from Chanhee’s room before a loud slam echoed across the dorm. An abashed-looking Sunwoo exited the room, dragging behind him the spoils of his war, a finished popcorn bowl and the cleaning equipment.
“Hyung…”
Changmin looked over, drying the rest of the dishes as he saw the kicked-puppy expression of his beloved member. He had an inkling of knowledge on what was probably going to be asked. He quickly put the dishes back in the cabinets before drying his hands off. He tilted his head, grinning as he saw Sunwoo look away.
“Yes, Sunwoo-ssi?”
“Can hyung help your cute adorable amazing super talented maknae with the cleaning?” Changmin could see how it took all of Sunwoo shame to spit out such words. Sunwoo knew his weakness, and as much as Changmin almost felt like throwing up at aegyo, he was still whipped to the heavens for this boy.
Changmin nodded amicably, lifting a finger to tilt his dongsaeng’s face to look back to him. It was horrifically endearing for his heart, and it made him both gag and fill of fondness for the other. “I’ll collect the laundry for you and help with moping because I’m in a good mood.”
He poked the black haired boy on the nose, “You, however, need to scrape all those disgusting little face masks off of the walls and door.”
Sunwoo clasped his hands together, bowing 90 degrees to Changmin. Right before he was about to start, Changmin grabbed a hold of the younger’s shirt.
“Yah, Sunwoo, fix your shirt.” Changmin scowled, “You can literally see the tag poking out.”
Changmin reached for Sunwoo’s hair, taking out a stray piece of popcorn that somehow ended up entangled in those locks. “You’re a 21 year old this year, and you’re still hyung’s little baby, aren’t you?”
Sunwoo pushed his hand away gently, scowling at Changmin before pulling his shirt off to change, right in front of him. The audacity was staggering. Despite living together for years and basically been able to see everything and anything (they were in a group full of good-looking men of course there’s been some fantasies of some sort), it was still surprisingly to Changmin the amount of muscle Sunwoo had put up in recent months after finishing Road to Kingdom. He looked so much healthier, and happier with a bit more roundness in his cheeks. It filled his heart with happiness to see it.
You make my heart flutter beyond my control
You make my heart beat
Consequently, this wasn’t good for his brain either. Sometimes, Changmin’s delusional fantastical brain conjures up the thought that maybe Sunwoo’s doing this on purpose. Especially in recent weeks with The Stealer promotions, Sunwoo’s shoving his stupid newfound hotness discovered in Reveal into his face like it isn’t going to send him to cardiac arrest one day. Changmin gulped slowly as he took in the sight, blood suddenly rushing to cheeks as Sunwoo looked up from flipping his shirt the right way out, a knowing smile graced the other’s face. Sunwoo’s golden skin was highlighted even more from their recent trip to the beach. The deep tanned colour glowed as if it was painted by the Gods themselves. Sunwoo was a masterpiece, but somehow there was always the possibility he could get even more deity-like, even with this current predicament and how bloody messy his dongsaeng was. Even that couldn’t taint Sunwoo’s fucking washboard abs. Changmin cursed their gym rats, Hyunjae and Juyeon, for infecting half of the group into getting stupidly bulked up. Now he has to put up with accidentally catching Sunwoo half naked because he refuses to put a shirt on and try not to look flustered.
“Hyung likes the view?”
“Hyung would like you to shut up and get to work or he’ll let Eric know what you’ve done.”
Sunwoo suddenly froze, before quickly throwing the shirt on and getting to work with the face masks. Changmin sighed, rubbing his face tiredly before wetting the mop.
“Hyung! I can’t get them off!”
“KIM SUNWOO I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!”
4. When he’s working late
The Boyz were a group of 11 tired men who would honestly forgone going to Kingdom in exchange of some fucking rest from endless rehearsals and practice that ultimately left more of them injured since Road to Kingdom. It was, personally speaking, unfair for them to go into Kingdom having already come up with stages that surpass anything they’ve ever made. It made Kingdom a hallowing experience. The thought that every group was judging their every action, that each company has probably forced each group to watch and analyse their performance and make their own poor groups imitate and improve. It was a deserving ranking in the end, but Changmin couldn’t help but feel bitter when they were awarded with disappointing results comparatively with Road to Kingdom.
They learnt amiabally that the burden could not be born independently, nor could the responsibility of failures. Perhaps it was a good idea they had the (traumatic) experience of Road to Kingdom to prepare them for what seems like endless failures in the next hell trap. Changmin loved his members, and the members loved him and each other just as graciously, and he was forever thankful for them in trusting his judgement throughout practices. Kingdom allowed them to grow, to get beaten down and heal from the experience. Would he do it again? Hell no. Well, ignoring Hyunjae’s answer from that one interview.
Nevertheless, Crek.Ker decided that the best way to ride on Kingdom’s successful boost in popularity was to make them, along with the decisions from the other Kingdom participant companies, to force these tired men into another comeback. It was a smart business tactic, and the most logical path going forward, but Changmin was honestly sick of seeing all of his members working so hard they could barely eat or sleep.
Changmin was about to tear his freshly dyed bright red hair out at the utter chaos that was preparation for Thrill Ride. He loved this album with his whole heart, it truly was the cumulation of all the blood, sweat and tears that all 11 members had shed relentlessly over the past year and a half.
“Let’s take a break.”
Jacob and Kevin nodded, panting after yet another intense practice of Thrill Ride for approximately the 15th time. Changmin furrowed his brows, frowning at the other’s state, “Should we just end here?”
A look of gratefulness graced Kevin’s face, “Please.”
They had worked incredibly hard, considering none of them ever came from dancing backgrounds, they were on par with idol dancers, and even more so. A warm feeling of pride coursed through his blood as he waved the others goodbye before staying behind.
“Changmin? Are you okay here yourself?” The manager still in the room gave him a brief incredulous look.
He nodded, from the ground. He knew he looked like a little like death incarnated from the eye bags that could carry 2kg bags of rice and a stupid number of bruises across his body.
“I just need to go through it one more time.”
The manager, having been used to all of their overworking perfectionist tendencies, simply nodded, “Make sure to check on the others, they don’t look so good.”
Changmin hummed a reply, holding an arm up to his eyes before briefly passing out. The company was almost entirely empty, save for the rest of his members and the trainees he could hear with the non-stop practice from across the hall. After a solid 10 minute nap, Changmin jumped to his feet, throwing on a strewn jacket on the ground before tidying up the practice room and leaving.
His head was pounding from the mindless practice, but he knew one other was still struggling at this hour desperately. Days like this ceaselessly reminded him of his trainee period, though he’s beginning to think he’s just getting old with the constant return of his memories in that time.
At the same time maybe it was just the sheer trauma that the period inflicted on all 12 of them that they were only the person today with it.
As he walked up the stairs to the elevator, he paused, stopping to grab a few cans of coffee and strawberry milk from the vending machines. In times like this, he’s both grateful for the move of the company and misses the old practice rooms. There were memories contained within those walls, as is with the now split dorm, that would be lost to the sands of time, collecting dust in the back of their minds to never be accessed again. He wasn’t a particularly kind trainee, constant vigilance and pure grit fueled his pride that he built up within the company. That and his (hideous) long hair that he chooses to forget which made him a bit too cold to everyone around him. He couldn’t not work hard, after his sisters’ selfless sacrifices for their little brother.
It was only after two years that he’d meet someone who’d throw his whole sense of life off balance. Sunwoo, when he first entered the company, he didn’t at all care to know him too well, all too familiar with the trainee life and it’s impacts on children like him. Changmin felt sorry for the poor boy, because he looked so, so young. His limbs were gangly and awkward from the sudden growth spurt of the previous year. He couldn’t bear to see the world’s cruel nature to beat down someone so innocent who’s eyes were full of the night sky, and skin touched by Helios himself.
This feeling is unfamiliar, even I don't know it
Oh, you and I
Don't let go (I won't let go of you)
But then through the year, Sunwoo proved himself to be what helped piece The Boyz to what they are today. Him, and the late enterers of Chanhee and Kevin completed the 12 of them. Changmin finally, with a hair cut that was somewhat reasonable this time, also dropped his pride and started talking to the boy. As the only son, and youngest sibling of his own family, it felt odd to have others as dongsaengs. Yet, entirely out of instinct and an inevitable draw to the boy, Changmin found himself taking the maknaes, especially his boys, Eric and Sunwoo, under his metaphoric wing. Along with the rest of the members, they tried their utmost best to help them with schoolwork, managing such balance whilst still making sure they make their trainings and preparation for debut. Changmin would wake up for early practice, help Sunwoo get his tie right, before sending him off to the managers for a tiring school day and then, neverending practice till the next morning.
He finally reaches the 3rd floor, knocking on the door. Hearing a grunt of a response, Changmin entered.
“Hyung.” Sunwoo’s eyes were glued onto the paper in front of him. His voice was so meek, hoarse from what he could assume was screams through his ‘creative process’ to get words down onto paper. The room was only lit by the sole monitor showing a looped video of lofi beats to study with, muted. Scrunched up pieces of paper with traces of aggressively crossed out lyrics in both Korean and English. A few ripped pieces could be seen laying on the ground, with used pens littered around Sunwoo’s swivel chair.
His heart burned at the sight, an all-too familiar look on his member. Sunwoo’s back was hunched over so tense he could see his body in a constant state of tremor. He couldn’t bear to see what Sunwoo’s state looks like from the front if the back view almost broke his heart into a million pieces from his hardships and adversities of comebacks. Kingdom was tough for everyone, but seeing it up close on Sunwoo, it’s after effects, it was hallowing and made Changmin almost want to burst into tears at any moment in time. He wasn’t this open before, something had broken down from the larger than life weight that was placed on all eleven of them. He’d spent more nights crying into his member’s shoulders on the hardest of days.
He had gotten too emotional. Or maybe it was just enough and his heart wasn’t used to it being let out like a dam overflowing.
Changmin pulled the blanket from a second chair, draping it around his diligent maknae. He picked up the papers from the ground, collecting them into the recycling before moving the pens into their respective locations. Sunwoo’s frustrated cries were desperately muffled through his palm as he banged his fist on the table. In an instant, Changmin turned to his boy who grew into a man like in no time. That innocence was taken away in early 2017, when thrust into the debut preparations, but at the time he still retained that teenage spirit. Now, all Changmin could see was a man who was plagued with troubles he knew he couldn’t help with.
He bit his lip, before moving closer to his dongsaeng, running a hand through the other’s hair in an effort to soothe the other’s brilliant, brilliant mind. His arms brought the other gently up from the chair and desk, pulling them into his arms, encircling them around Sunwoo’s too thin waist. His hands found the other’s tanner ones, callouses and soreness from hours, days of writing, massaging them to the best of his ability to loosen the too tight muscles. Sunwoo had a few centimetres on him, he was still growing and Changmin was stuck at this height. But it wouldn’t change the fact he would always, no matter what, try to be there for him. His arms squeezed, bringing Sunwoo in a tighter backhug, placing soft wet kisses along the other’s shoulder. He didn’t realise his own tears flowing from his ducts without any resistance and dampening Sunwoo’s shirt, grasping the other’s hands even tighter. His heart pounded, Changmin was scared Sunwoo could feel it from his back from how desperate it was beating for them. In a choked voice, Changmin managed to strangle out a single muffled word.
“Sunwoo-ah.”
He knew there were days where sometimes Sunwoo couldn’t get those thoughts onto paper. He has them too, those bad days. Where he couldn’t get a single piece of choreography down no matter how relentless he practices. How those years of experience fail him because he just, isn’t feeling it.
The smaller of the two felt a comforting, reassuring squeeze from the other. Tear drops that Changmin could only just see, illuminated and reflected by the blue monitor light, fell onto both of their hands.
“Sunwoo-ah, look at me.” Changmin sniffed, apologising for the soaked shirt quietly.
Sunwoo, as obedient as ever, turned around to face his hyung. If Changmin didn’t think his heart was broken before, a shard of roughly cut glass had pierced his organ through. His hands found peace at the other’s moistened gaunty cheekbones. Their company fed them well, but he knew Sunwoo was willingly not eating anymore. It was a horrible habit they all had that always came to haunt them in the lowest of lows. Blinking through his own flooded eyelashes, he brought his thumbs up, wiping away forthcoming droplets. With his other hand, he ran it through the other’s hair, finding solace in the familiarity of such a situation that both had been in too often recently. He tried to neaten up his dongsaeng’s bedraggled hair, smoothing it down, combing one part to the side, letting him see his beloved’s face properly.
It didn’t matter whether his emotions towards Sunwoo were ever reciprocated. He knew The Boyz loved each other enough, and he loved them just as much. He wants to give Sunwoo tenfold the love he deserves, and even more. There will still be nights like this, where he’ll come and soothe the worries from Sunwoo’s eyes with a brush of his fingertips. Intimate moments where they could temporarily forget that time passes and their sorrows were just made up torments.
“Hyung, I’m tired.” Sunwoo managed to croak out.
Changmin nodded, continually wiping away the wetness on Sunwoo’s lovely tanned skin, softly speaking in the silence of just them.
“I know, I know.” An equally soft smile tugged on his own mouth as he felt the other lean his head onto his shoulder. The blanket had long dropped off of Sunwoo’s back as he began to sob into his older’s comforting embrace.
Changmin didn’t know how long they spent there in the room. For as long as Sunwoo needed him to be there, he’d stay.
Come a little closer
I can only look at you (As if I could reach)
Come a little closer
I'm falling deeper for you
+ 1
When Sunwoo takes care of Changmin through the years
Loving Changmin meant loving with enough passion to keep up with the man himself.
Changmin was an unstoppable hurricane with no end in sight. It was almost comical on how staggering the raw intensity of his passion was, in comparison to such a small body.
Bloom Bloom Pow!
In storytelling fashion, he was enamoured with the older man on first glance. As much as recounts with nothing but horror and dismay when they ever mention those flowing locks, Sunwoo, in all veracity, would not be where he stands today without it. He was really only accompanying his school friend to an audition, where one of the staff had graciously asked if he wanted to attempt one too. He knew he had a good voice. He was in middle school, and had little care for traditional school. The possibility of being an idol had begun conjuring in his mind, but the chances of such success in an industry beginning to become more and more saturated always lingered as a worry. With all the tenacity a Korean 16 year old could muster, he sung his heart out despite oversleeping on his audition.
Sunwoo loved the thrill of life, which is why he still debated over the nights after passing his audition to take the chance of one dream or pursue his childhood soccer fantasies like Park Jisung. He heard from rumours spread by classmates of the horrors in entertainment trainee companies and regimes. He never was one to stick within the confinement of rules, more so, the mentality of “rules were meant to be broken” ruled every thought process.
But of course, this 2 years older hyung with his hair too long that it blinded him as he danced, this single man had changed the course of his life. Because of course it had to be the guy with the kinda dumb haircut.
You and the flowers bloom
And start to colour me
Because the second he saw this guy with passion overflowing every movement of his limb dancing his soul out to BTOB’s Wow. He was breathless. No air was left in his lungs as he watched this boy leading the company’s trainees. At introduction, Sunwoo was told he was one of the company’s first trainee. He was also introduced to what would be the future members of The Boyz. It was through Changmin he was given hopes and dreams, passion, to chase after this delusion of becoming an idol.
Brightly in my mind
You start to shine, wow, wow
Come as light
His hyung was a tiresome perfectionist who burdened himself with troubles not just his own. By debut, he always made sure to always make sure their youngest members were getting sufficient rest and dressed for school. He’d be there for Sunwoo whenever he called.
Sunwoo finished his teen years under the supervision of his loving hyungs who, despite worked to the bone for comebacks, would find a way to take care of him. No matter the number of arguments everyone would have in the stressful period of debut, no matter in the crunch members would say things they’d regret to one another, and no matter any of those hardships, they were always reliable.
Changmin was a constant. He was, at face, independent, strong-willed, and alongside Juyeon, helped The Boyz when they were without their choreographer, making sure every detail was executed to it’s utmost perfection until they had covered the practice rooms with a sheen of condensation from intense practice. Only through a drunken conversation with Chanhee did he ever learn the barest minimum about his hyung. Changmin barely ever talked about himself. Chanhee claimed that the years-long fortified walls from trainee life forced Changmin to strenuously practice in solitude till he found a semblance of self worth. That all of that independence and emotional stunted demeanour was an act that he held ever since he arrived at Crek.Ker.
In another instance of accompanying drunken Chanhee again, he spouted how Changmin was the only son of the Ji family, and had two older sisters who he hadn’t seen in years that got him through Arts school. When Chanhee had gone to meet them, he said he hadn’t ever seen Changmin cry as hard as that day he finally reunited with them in the flesh.
The Changmin he had painted in his own mind was essentially the antithesis of what Chanhee had described. A paradigm shift in his world as he realised his idol had cracks in that porcelain mask he had perfected after years. He saw this from his very eyes as he overslept at the studio, writing up final raps for The First to show their mentors. Right as he was about to head back to the dorm, he could hear the faint echo of music down the hall as he walked to the exit.
Of course it was Changmin. Except it wasn’t.
He was crumpled on the ground, invective words he would’ve never imagined to come out of the boy’s mouth held all sorts of incongruence to Sunwoo’s developing mind. He looked weak, a frail shell of the prideful dancer he worshipped in his mind. Sunwoo could’ve sworn he heard a whimper, cascading into a whirlwind of tears and anger as Changmin laid boneless in front of the practice room’s mirror. Hesitantly, Sunwoo considered his choices. Whether to risk death and ask his hyung if he was okay (which in hindsight wasn’t really a question that held meaning) or to exit the scene and forget he ever saw the sight.
In a moment of pure idiocrasy, Sunwoo gripped a towel, a waterbottle and the handle of the practice room. He knocked on the door.
“Hyung?”
Changmin’s eyes darted up, widening immediately when he registered who stood in front of him. The prodigy boy, the baby who shouldn’t have joined, the plump cheeks who had yet to see the changes of the rest of his body. His fight or flight wanted to kick in, he wanted to run away, but god was he tired. He could do no more than gratuitously accept the younger boy’s gifts. His mind had lost all semblance of sense and he began to cry into Sunwoo’s awkward embrace, just like he did with his sisters back in middle school.
After that night they never spoke of it again, but Sunwoo would’ve liked to have thought they did get closer when Changmin pulls him close one night as they’re walking their soon to be home in the dark.
Dazzling, blooming you
He grew a few more centimeters, finally bypassing Changmin and reaching just below Chanhee, the fullness in his cheeks slowly disappearing as the months went by. Over the years, Sunwoo learnt more about his hyung, and his blatantly obvious need for some kind of therapeutic catharsis for his perfectionist tendencies.
He made sure to take care of him, of course.
After practices, he’d always make sure to leave a few bottles or cartoons of peach juice or milk, a spare towel. Every now and then again, he’d come across Changmin rotting away in the practice room alone, or occasionally Juyeon, as they monitored each other. But when he was the only one left in the dead of night, he made sure to gently coerce both of them to get rest. Whether it be with a gentle tug on the arm, or guiltily using those eyes that he knew would make Changmin soft all over and follow whatever he says.
He knew Changmin hadn’t ever been placed in a position where he had to take care of those younger than him, so he became overly doting and worried for his maknae’s health. It was spurred to no end at the end of 2019 where they ended years of comfort and found ways to grow again as artists as they thrust themselves into hardships after hardships willingly as a form of distraction.
My season I've waited for, you
And when it’s already 2022, with Eric’s needed break, and The Boyz having briefly lost one of their own, Changmin’s pure white hair looked more as if it originated from the heavy weight he always held in his open arms. Sunwoo swore he spotted grey hairs already sitting on top of Sangyeon and Hyunjae’s hair, hidden by the gift of overwhelming hair damage with the harsh dyes. Jacob, a sweet angel gifted by god, had a section already beginning to turn white, which he knew came from somewhere within that he had yet to say. Sunwoo’s own heart wanted to jump out from his chest and meet all of his hyungs half-way. With Changmin, he knows they have some weird relationship that doesn’t seem so platonic or romantic. As much as he cares about his members, his heart jumped too much, skipped one too many beats and clutched at the idea of spending more time with that hyung. It was a weird inbetween that they shouldn’t be so comfortable within.
On nights where it truly was just the two of them in the room, he had never heard Changmin so much about everything and anything. Meaningless comments on the city they were in or the occasional deep confessional. Of course, as a responsible dongsaeng, he would forever be by his hyung’s side to comfort him in those times during the concert where air seemed to never come back to his lungs. And those times where one more song felt like an eternity of hell, passion for their fans and their cheers driving the pure will to just pull out one more bar, to finish that dance break and then take a break.
A love with you is the reason
I don't want to wake up from my dream
Winter came and went. Spring saw his love blossom greater than ever before. He wished he could have Eric with him physically, to get his exceedingly strong back slaps that sent him back into reality.
“Oh my god, this is ridiculous.”
Eric shouted over the phone, as if he was trying to get to Sunwoo purely with his vocal chords from Los Angeles to San jose.
“Why don’t you say anything?”
Sunwoo threw his hands up. Besides everything, it was nice to see Eric again even though it had only been two months. He didn’t look to full health, but it was better than a few months prior.
“Because, you try and change this weird pseudo relationship with a hyung you’re still terrified but incredibly whipped for!”
He shouted back, accusingly. Eric cackled, “Yo, I totally gotta tell Juyeon about this. Seeing you this distressed just made my day so much better dude.”
Sunwoo groaned, “You tell Juyeon, and Juyeon will tell Hyunjae. And Hyunjae will tell Younghoon who will tell Chanhee who will tell Changmin.”
Eric shrugged, “I dunno dude, just go makeout with your homie. Ain’t nothing gay with that.”
“I don’t care if it’s gay!”
“Then do it, no balls.”
Sunwoo sighed again, exasperated by this already Americanised Eric having another comeback.
“Alright! Alright, alright. Fuck you Eric you son of a bitch I love you. Come back healthy, okay?”
Just as he was about to end the call, the gods really had it out for him as he heard the hotel door click open, with a familiar white haired man bouncing across the room to Sunwoo.
“Sunwoo, is that Eric?” Changmin brought a hand up, waving enthusiastically, almost melancholically.
Eric grinned widely, giving a thumbs up to Sunwoo, before returning the gesture, “I gotta go Changmin-hyung, was nice to see you though!”
“Get better soon Sohn Youngjae. Juyeon and Hyunjae are too moody nowadays.” Changmin’s smile fell little by little as Eric gave his final goodbye, before finally hanging up with Sunwoo.
Sunwoo glanced up to his hyung, who presumably just got off of his outing with Chanhee. Changmin was standing by the window, his face and hair illuminated by a ring of the spring sun, bathing his pale skin in warmth he had the exclusive pleasure of seeing himself. Photographs couldn’t contain his aura that still radiated off of him. Even since 2016, Changmin always possessed a sort of glow he didn’t dare to touch.
“Sunwoo-ah, do I have something on my face?” Changmin tilted his head. May god forgive Sunwoo for the sin he wishes to commit to his elder.
Changmin’s eyes were a warm chocolate brown that reminded him of Changmin’s own overexcited dog. He had seen his hyung in the lowest of lows, the peak of his euphoria on stage and his happiest on holidays where they had no cameras or staff around. He had seen almost every face of Changmin’s, and Changmin, equally, had been there for his every fall.
But he of course took care of Changmin.
With a step, Sunwoo grasped the front of Changmin’s white shirt with as much care as he could muster, before pulling his hyung in closer. He could count the other’s eyelashes, he could smell the strawberry milkshake him and Chanhee would always order. He could feel his heart melt into liquid gold as he feels Changmin hitch his breath. His lips were a pink so delicate, it complemented his angelic features too fittingly. Doe eyes that held both years of sorrow and defeat, but more importantly, that everlasting passion that never rested. The burning intensity he still witnesses every time they’re on stage despite adversities neither could control.
Sunwoo mustered up that same tenacity he did years ago. He brought the Changmin’s body closer than they ever allowed before, bringing his own lips to find solace in Changmin’s.
.
For a second a rush of fear and dread filled his mind as he felt hesitance in the other’s hands that gripped tightly on Sunwoo’s forearms. His lips moved against still ones, albeit, only for a second before the white-haired man dived forward with that same passion he knew too well. Changmin’s hands found themselves on Sunwoo’s shoulders as he kissed with vigor he never thought he’d experience himself. They break apart only briefly to fill their empty lungs.
And for what felt like hours, Changmin let go. Tears had somehow leaked, as it always seemed to happen between the two of them. Years of history passed by in minutes.
At age 16, Changmin never thought he’d ever associate the word soulmate with someone.
At age 18, he met a boy who would be his whole future, and everything in between.
When Sunwoo finally opened his eyes, he knew this was what he desired when he chose the path he did. When Changmin’s teary, glistening eyes, full of love like no other lovingly watched his own, he knew comfort was a person.
Bloom, bloom, heart
The moment I met you
Love is coming
Coming like a dream