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The first thing Kim Dokja saw upon waking up that night was Yoo Joonghyuk's face in the chair next to the hospital bed where he was. That wasn't uncommon, since he'd awakened from his coma there was always at least one of his companions there with him, all the people he never thought he'd have the chance to see again.
Kim Dokja still hadn't gotten used to the feeling of knowing they were really there, reachable and real. Every time it still felt like a miracle.
Looking at Yoo Joonghyuk he noticed that he now had some gray hairs among the black strands. The last years were tough for him and that showed on his appearance.
And yet Kim Dokja couldn't help liking his gray hairs. It reminded him of the best times he spent in the subway car seeing Joonghyuk from the 0th turn. How good it felt to see him getting older and being happy. How he never got tired of watching him even on the most mundane days after the scenarios ended.
As if pulled by his gaze Yoo Joonghyuk opened his eyes. He looked at the clock on the wall and said:
"Kim Dokja go back to sleep, it's still too early."
“All I do here is sleep.”
He was still too weak, according to Lee Seolhwa and Eileen, it would still be weeks before he was released from the hospital, and there would still be months of physical therapy after that.
“Do you want one of the books that Yoo Sangah and Han Sooyoung left for you?”
“Not now, maybe later.”
"Alright."
Yoo Joonghyuk stretched his arms, and watching the movement Kim Dokja remembered how Han Sooyoung said that sleeping in that hospital chair had wrecked her back the night before.
"You know you don't have to take care of me, right? You don't owe me anything."
"I'm here because I want to be."
“Are you sure it's not because you want an excuse to see Seolhwa-ssi? Honestly you're moving way to slow, I really thought you guys would be married by now."
For a moment Yoo Joonghyuk looked at him as if he was the dumbest creature on earth.
"What?" Kim Dokja asked.
"I'm trying to understand why you would say something like that when you know how I feel about you... You must know, no even you could be that stupid."
Kim Dokja took a deep breath realizing he had made a mistake, he really didn't want to be having this conversation. He knew what everyone else thought about the nature of their relationship, and how apparently now even Yoo Joonghyuk had become convinced.
It was the elephant in the room that he had already decided he was never going to mention, but apparently Yoo Joonghyuk had other plans.
"I know what you think you feel, but I disagree."
Yoo Joonghyuk looked at him with so much anger that Kim Dokja almost expected to hear one of his classics "Kim Dokja I'll kill you" that had once been so common in their early days. But instead he found himself hearing:
"Kim Dokja I love you. That's not a debatable matter, it's a fact. If you decide you'd rather not be with me you can do that, but after all I've done to get you back, having you questioning what I feel is not only annoying, it's disrespectful. I know who I am and I know what I feel and what I want."
Kim Dokja wasn't sure how much time he spent silently processing the words, only it was long enough for the anger on Yoo Joonghyuk's face to dissipate and be replaced by an expression he couldn't quite decipher. It was ridiculous that he'd spent so much time looking at him and yet there were things he didn't know.
"And what I want doesn't count?"
"It does count. But what do you want?”
The answer was easy, it was the same answer from the beginning: to see him happy. And once he had been so sure of how that happiness would look like, but now everything was much more confusing. Life was just so much simpler when he looked at Yoo Joonghyuk and saw a character instead of a person.
"Tell me what you want, and I'll tell you if there's any overlap with what I want."
Yoo Joonghyuk got out of the chair in front of him and sat on the edge of the bed, and looking him in the eyes said:
"I want for you to get strong and healthy enough to leave this place, I want to get the big house you once said you wanted for us, with enough bedrooms for all of our companions, I want to have a nice kitchen for me to make meals for us that are good and healthy. I want to see you everyday happy and safe. I want to never have to see you die again, because I've done this far more times than I can handle."
Without realizing it for a second Kim Dokja smiled thinking about the life he described. The next second he felt his eyes misting a bit, he looked up trying to disguise this without much success.
“You deserve better than me. Honestly after everything I have no idea how you don’t hate me.”
“It’s not about what I deserve, you asked me about what I want. Can’t you get it through your thick skull that there will never be anyone that I could possibly want as much as I want you?”
Kim Dokja really missed the 4th Wall, now he just had to feel everything, all the pain, all the sorrow, all the love, all the longing.
“I really want to kiss you right now.” Yoo Joonghyuk added after a few seconds of silence.
"Okay."
"What?"
"Okay you can kiss me."
And very quickly, as if he feared that if he wasn't fast enough that Kim Dokja would change his mind, Yoo Joonghyuk held his face between his hands and brought his lips to his.
And for Kim Dokja ir felt so good and also so much more than he deserved.
The kiss ended after a few seconds, but Yoo Joon Hyuk didn't pull away too far, leaning his forehead against his, feeling his breath against his face.
"Too bad this isn't being streamed, we would have won so many coins for that. Uriel would probably have drained all of Eden’s coin supply."
"Shut up you're ruining the moment."
Kim Dokja found himself laughing for a second, looking at his beloved protagonist, the man who saved him, the man who loved him.
"Do you love me too?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked.
"I thought you wanted me to shut up."
"Answer me."
"Yes. Obviously. What a stupid question."
"Will you stay with me?"
"If that's what you want."
"It is."
"Then I’ll stay."
Yoo Joonghyuk smiled and kissed him again.
And for a long time he continued kissing him, and when he stopped, he lay on the hospital bed that was way too small for two people and fell asleep with his head on Kim Dokja's chest, listening to his heartbeat and feeling his fingers caressing his hair.
Kim Dokja stayed awake a little longer, once again noticing the gray hairs now present in Yoo Joonhyuk’s head.
It had been so nice to see him getting older and happy that other time, and it would be nice this time too.
Maybe even better.