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The first time he notices, he doesn't think much of it. It’s just a fact. Eddie is a touchy person with everybody but him.
Steve shouldn’t be so hurt about it. It’s not like he's super close to the man. Sure, he feels a little bit fluttery around him, sure, he catches himself staring at him a lot when he’s around, and sure, maybe he wanted to kiss him, but he’s not close with him. It’s whatever.
It’s not whatever. Weeks pass, and things don’t change, and Steve gets more and more frustrated. He doesn’t know what he expected- whether he thought that maybe when they formed more of a bond, he would touch him more, or what. But he doesn’t.
He thinks maybe he just doesn’t want to initiate touch with him, so Steve tries, slinging an arm around his shoulders or gently elbowing him. Every single time, Eddie would pull away as if he had been burned, and Steve would be left feeling sick to his stomach.
Steve is a touchy person. That’s a fact, too. He doesn't show it, not really, but others can tell. They’re not as blind as he thinks they are. Robin notices how his lips turn up at a simple brush against his arm. Dustin notices how he sighs happily when any of the kids hug him. Almost everybody notices how hurt Steve gets when Eddie doesn’t touch him.
Steve’s heart hurts. The situation reminds him of his parents in a strange way- pretending to love him, to care about him, refusing to touch him, leaving him alone. Eddie must hate him, because why else would he be acting like that?
The thought of Eddie hating him made his stomach turn. He tried so hard with him- he complimented his weird game he played with the kids, he watched the scary movies he wanted to watch even though Steve hates scary movies, he even made him the gross lemon cookies he wanted. He tried so hard, and he got nothing in return.
Eddie hated him. That must be it. Eddie hated him, and was trying to let him down gently. Maybe Eddie had figured out how he felt about him- maybe knowing Steve had feelings for him was the breaking point.
When he had mentioned it to Robin, she scrunched up her face in that way she does when she thinks he said something stupid. “I really don’t think he hates you,” she replied. He shrugged, and she scoffed. “Steve. I’m out to him, and he doesn’t care, so it’s not like hes homophobic or anything.”
“It’s one thing to have a lesbian friend, its another for the guy who hangs around you to have a huge crush on you. He must be so uncomfortable.”
Robin opened her mouth, but shut it, eyes darting around the room as if looking for something she could say that could make it better. In the end, she sighed, shaking her head, and wrapping her arms around him. “He doesn’t hate you,” she said again. He didn’t believe her.
He doesn’t say anything to him about it, but he draws back a little. He almost thought he could see a twinge of hurt in Eddie’s eyes when he left their movie night early, almost thought he could see sadness when he said he was too busy to hang out. It must have been his brain seeing things it wanted to see.
He watches from afar, instead, standing away from everyone at the cookout, staying back and trying to avoid talking to Eddie while he hugs and jokes around with and loves everyone around him. Everyone but Steve.
He felt a sting in his chest. Of course Eddie doesn’t love him the way he loves Robin, or Dustin, or the other kids. He doesn’t even love him in the quiet way he loves Nancy and Joyce and Hopper. He doesn’t love Steve at all.
He should have known it was coming. He should have known it was coming. He should have known it was coming. He knows this by now. Nobody loves Steve Harrington, that’s just a fact of life. The grass is green, the ocean is salty, nobody loves Steve Harrington. He’s stupid to have ever thought they did.
He leaves early. When he got home, a tiny part of him hoped maybe somebody would call, or show up, or do something to show they cared about him. But the phone stayed silent, and the driveway empty except for his BMW, and Steve was still as alone as he had always been.
He cuts himself off. It’s bad, he knows it’s bad, but it’s the best thing he could do, right? Everyone was better off without him. Robin, Dustin, Hopper, they’d be happier if he stayed holed up in his big tomb of a house, away from them. Especially Eddie.
The phone rings almost constantly for a few days. Robin asking where he was, messages getting more and more desperate until he can hear her crying on the other side of the line, asking where he was and what had happened and if she had done something wrong.
Every fiber of his being urged him to stop this, to go over there and answer and apologize and promise he still loved her, she was still his best friend. But he didn’t. This would be better in the long run.
Other people call, too. Dustin, first worried and then angry, yelling at him for abandoning them because he was supposed to be his brother, and he had left. Hopper, threatening to kick the door down to his house and give him a talk if he kept it up. Joyce, asking if he was okay in that motherly way she does. Max, calling him a coward for running away, yelling at him and sobbing because he was their brother too, and he was being an asshole.
He deletes all the messages except for one: Eddie’s. Eddie left one message. He wasn’t crying or screaming at him like some of the others- instead, he just had this heartbreaking sadness in his voice. Asking him to come home He keeps that one, selfishly, listens to it when he misses him. Sometimes he plays it just to hear his voice again.
It's a week of loneliness before people start showing up at his house. Banging on the door, yelling, begging him to let them in. He always stood on the stairs when that happened, far enough away tat they couldn't see him, but close enough he could hear them.
Everything hurts. It was like high school all over again. He had abandoned everybody that ever showed care towards him, and he was alone again. The visits to his house don’t stop, don’t get less common. Every single day there's someone at his house.
Steve hopes they stop coming. His self control is running out and it took everything in him to avoid opening the door and falling into his best friend’s arms.
His self control disappears when Eddie shows up on the other side of the door.
Three knocks ring out through his house, and he stands on the stairs as he always does, waits for whoever it is to start talking.
“Steve,” and oh shit. Oh shit. That’s Eddie, right there, only a few feet away from him. He aches to open the door, to see his face again. He needs to. “Steve, we’re all worried. Nobody knows what happened. You just- you just stopped showing up, you quit your job, Steve. You haven’t called anyone back, what happened? Did somebody do something?” He pauses, taking a breath, and Steve can hear his voice shake. “Did- did I do something?”
Steve doesn’t hesitate, scrambling over to the door and wrenching it open. Eddie jumps, eyes wide as he takes in his appearance. Steve knows he doesn’t look good, he hasn’t slept properly in weeks, he hasn;t been eating a lot, he hasn’t showered in days and his hair isn’t done.
“Oh,” he says, at a loss for words. Steve was right there, opening the door for him when he hadn’t even opened it for Robin.
“Why are you here, Eddie?” He says, voice rough from unuse. “I’m not worth it. You’re all better off without me. You- you’ll be better if I’m not there.”
“What? Steve-”
“You guys will all just leave like everybody else anyway.” And it was out there, the thing that had been in Steve’s head for weeks. If he left them nowm, he wouldn’t get a chance to leave him later. Hurt before he gets hurt.
“Oh, Steve-” Eddie starts again, but Steve cuts him off.
“No. Don’t act like you care. You don’t I know you hate me Eddie. You make it obvious. I’m sorry I felt that way, I promise I tried to stop it, but I couldn’t, okay? So just leave. I won’t make you uncomfortable any more.”
“What? Felt that way- what are you talking about?” He shook his head. “No, wait, one thing at a time.” He shoves his way past Steve, into his house, and Steve quietly shuts the door behind him, sighing.
“Okay, first. What the fuck, Harrington? Everyone was worried about you, and you just left! Nobody knew what had happened, or if you were hurt! You scared everyone!”
“Why do you guys even care?” Steve snarled, and Eddie took a step back. “You shouldnt fucking care about me. I’m King Steve. Steve fucking Harrington. That’s all I’ll ever be to you, isn’t it? That’s why you hate me so much, so stop trying and just get out.”
“I don’t hate you, Steve. Why do you think that? We all care about you, including me.”
Steve laughed. “Oh, yeah, sure. That’s why you always avoid touching me or hugging me or doing anything with me, and you do it with everyone else. I just-” he sucked in a breath, anger dissipating, replaced with sadness. “I just thought that maybe… we would be able to be friends. Even if I have those feelings. I’m sorry.”
Eddie looked frozen, brown eyes wide and confused, and for a moment Steve thought maybe he didn’t even know what he was talking about- maybe he hadn’t been avoiding touching him on purpose. Maybe he just did it. Steve felt that was worse.
Eddie’s face shifted to something else, realization dawning on his features. He opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again, but nothing came out. Steve scoffed softly, and he knew by the burning in his eyes he wouldn’t be able to hold it together much longer, but he had to, he needed to, he was not going to break down in front of Eddie.
“Oh, Steve,” Eddie said again, softer this time, and okay, maybe Steve was going to break down in front of Eddie because there was a lump in his throat and he tried to blink away his tears but only succeeded in making them fall down his cheeks and burn his skin and a sob clawed its way from his chest and Steve was broken.
Eddie took a step forward, cautious, and when Steve didn’t snap at him again, he took another. His arms reached out and hesitated only for a moment before he gripped the sobbing boy's shoulders tightly. “Steve, I need you to know that I don’t hate you, okay? I don’t. Not at all.”
“Then why-” Steve choked on a sob. “Why did you never touch me? You- you hugged all the others, you touched them, why not me? Did I do something? Is it just me? I don’t-”
“No, Steve, I promise. You- you didn’t do anything.” Eddie took a deep breath. “The reason I never touched you- it was stupid. And it hurt you and I’m so sorry. If I had known how it was affecting you- I wouldn’t have treated you like that. I was being an asshole. I just-” he sighed. “I thought maybe if I touch you as little as possible, the feelings I had for you would go away, y’know?”
Steve’s jaw dropped. “Wh-wha?” He stuttered, eyes wide.
“I liked you, Steve. I do like you. I just thought I’d never have a chance. I mean, you’re Steve Harrington. Why would you like trailer trash like me, right? Especially when I’m a dude.”
“You’re not trailer trash, Eddie,” Steve cut in, and Eddie laughed breathlessly.
“Stevie, I- I’m sorry. I really am. And I’m sorry I didn’t catch on until now. I’m sorry I made you feel like that, like you had to cut everyone off.”
They were both quiet for amoment before Steve broke the solence again. “They’re all really mad, huh?”
“Maybe a little,” Eddie answered. “But I thnk they’re more worried than angry. I mean, we all care about you a lot, and you just suddenly left, and stopped showing up to hangouts, and answering your phone, and- yeah. It was like you were gone, man. But, like, we knew you weren’t because sometimes when someone showed up at your door, they’d see your shadow on the stairs and know you were there. But you never answered.”
“I thought everyone would be better off without me.”
“That’s not true at all, Steve. Seruoysly. Robin’s been a mess. She hasn’t been coming to any group hangouts, either. Dustin was practically inconsolable, man, he refused to play dnd until you had come back. He hasn’t been to hellfire in forever. Max has been shut up in their trailer, I’m pretty sure the only person they’ve been talking to was Lucas.”
Steve felt guilt swirl in his stomach. “I was stupid.”
“Yeah, you were,” Eddie agreed. “But I was too, and so was everyone else. We should have realized you were hurting, Steve. I should have realized, and I’m sorry I didn’t.”
“It’s fine,” Steve started, but paused. “I mean, it’s not, but it’s whatever, you know? Nothing we can do about it now. It’s over. Who knows if the others will ever forgive me.”
“They’ll forgive you. We’ve all missed you. You might get some shit from them, especially Hopper, cause he is not happy his basically-son ran out on him, but everyone will forgive you. They’ll understand. And if they don’t, we’ll talk to them together, okay?”
“Together,” Steve repeated. “Yeah. I like the sound of that.”