Work Text:
Eijirou had been living with Izuku for 3 years. They'd been 20 when they started dating, 22 when they bought an apartment together, and now they were 25. Eijirou couldn't have imagined what being in love with Izuku was like. It was one thing to pine after him for years, fantasizing about what could be, but it was a completely different thing to actually live it. Izuku was still the same ball of sunshine as when they first met, but now he got to experience waking up next to him most mornings and seeing him get all flustered when Eijirou kissed him out of nowhere.
When their relationship started to get more serious, Eijirou stopped watching the news when he knew Izuku was out doing hero work. If he wasn't on the field with him, watching him fight only proved to make him anxious. He couldn't rush out to help every single time it seemed like Izuku was struggling with a villain. He would want to though, so he keeps the news off when he's home alone. Their friends would tell him if Izuku got seriously hurt, there was no point in tearing his hair out watching news channels, waiting for bad news.
Eijirou wished he had been watching the news today though, then maybe he would have been prepared when Izuku walked through the front door looking wrecked.
Eijirou tried to think of the last time Izuku came home looking so utterly ... broken. He remembered a few months ago, he'd come home particularly frazzled after making a jarring breakthrough in therapy, but that was different. And Izuku hadn't had a therapy appointment, he was coming home from hero work.
The last instance of this look on Izuku's face after work was...
Oh. Shit.
"Zuku?" Eijirou called to him as gently as he could. If he was right about what had happened, he needed to make sure Izuku didn't perceive any disappointment or anger in his tone. He needed support and reassurance.
When Izuku didn't acknowledge his call, Eijirou looked and confirmed that Izuku had already taken his hearing aids out before getting home. That's weird, he thought, he doesn't usually like taking his aids out in public.
Eijirou got up from his spot on the couch and approached Izuku, where he was still fumbling with his shoes in the genkan.
"Zuku?" Eijiro made sure to raise his voice a little, and this time Izuku raised his head to look at him.
And, man. Eijirou would never get used to seeing the love of his life looking so broken.
Normally, Izuku was extremely expressive. You could tell what emotion he was feeling at any given moment, he wore his heart on his sleeve. Specifically, Izuku cried a lot. He cried in happiness, in sadness, in anger, in exhaustion, everything. Any heightened feeling had Izuku producing tears in a lot of cases.
So the fact that Izuku wasn't crying, wasn't even tearing up, was a bad sign. He looked really disconnected, and Eijirou was endlessly grateful that he'd made it home safely in this state. Dissociation and public transport were a dangerous mix.
Izuku's expression was hauntingly blank, staring ahead and looking at Eijirou but not actually seeing him. This was Really Bad.
"Zuku?" Eijirou kept his voice loud but gentle, "Do you know where you are right now, Love?"
Izuku blinked slowly a few times, perhaps seeing Eijirou a bit better.
"Izuku?" Eijirou prompted him patiently.
"Uh." Izuku's eyes flicked over their apartment before landing back on Eijirou, "Home."
Eijirou smiled at him, "Yeah, that's right. And where's our home, again?"
Izuku thought for a moment, "T- Tokyo."
"Good, that's completely right, Izuku. Can you come with me to the couch?"
Eijirou extended his hand for Izuku who took it with little delay, allowing him to lead him into the living room. Eijirou sat on the couch and coaxed Izuku to sit on his lap, collapsing into him and resting his head on Eijirou's shoulder, chest to chest.
Eijirou knew how to get him out of this, had done it several times before. It wasn't often, thank the stars, but he had practice grounding Izuku in a way that was gentle and not disorienting.
So, Eijirou started talking. About anything he could think of. As he slowly rubbed soothing patterns on Izuku's back and arms, he talked about the new interns they had at his agency that had been instantly scared to death by Bakugou. He talked about a show he'd been binging whenever he could get a day off. He talked about some shenanigans Kaminari and Sero had gotten into recently, and how Bakugou had fretted over them in his own extraordinarily angry way.
Slowly, but surely, Izuku came back into his body, Eijirou could tell by the way his silence turned into hums turned into short responses.
"Kacchan is bad at hiding how much he cares," Izuku mumbled into Eijirou's shoulder as he was finishing his story.
Eijirou chuckled quietly, partially in humor but mostly in relief, "Yeah, he sure is. You back with me?"
"Mhm."
Izuku raised his arms up to wrap around Eijirou's neck, nuzzling his face more firmly into the junction between Eijirou's neck and shoulders. Eijirou returned the embrace easily, happy that Izuku was no longer dissociating but still concerned about what he must have seen to have a reaction like that.
"Thanks, Ei." Izuku's mouth moving against Eijirou's skin tickles a little, but he can't bring himself to care.
"Of course. Do you want to talk about it or will that make it worse?"
Izuku is silent for a long moment, just breathing Eijirou in, before he lifts his head slightly to rest his chin on Eijirou's shoulder. "Casualties. People I couldn't save. I don't think I'll ever get the sight out of my head-- not- not of the bodies, I've seen plenty of them before, but of the look they give me. They- they look at me with this- this- desperation. Their eyes beg me to save them, but. But then I'm not- I can't--"
Eijirou is partially relieved when Izuku starts crying against him, because he's finally letting himself feel his feelings. Izuku has a tendency to throw all his emotions away when something big happens. A tendency to push them down until they come out the hard way.
But the sound of Izuku's pained sobs will never not break Eijirou's heart.
"It's going to be okay. You did everything, Izuku. Everything. You couldn't have done any more. You're still a hero. You've still saved so many people, Izuku. You're going to be okay."
Even now, Izuku still struggles with the idea of not being able to save everyone. 'Who am I if I can't save everyone,' he'd said five years ago.
"I- I wasn't--" Izuku chokes on his sobs, and Eijirou rubs circles on his back, "I w- wasn't- fast enough, a- and--"
"Izuku, you did everything. Those deaths aren't on anyone's hands except the villains'. It's not your fault. You're the best hero I've ever known, do you know that? Nobody blames you for what villains do. I don't blame you, Izuku."
With that, Izuku stops protesting and just cries into Eijirou's shirt.
He isn't sure just how much time passes, but the sun starts dipping below the horizon before Izuku's sobs peter out into hiccups and then shaky breaths.
"You're gonna be okay, Zuku. I'll make sure you're okay."
Izuku held onto him a little tighter in response.
Without warning, Eijirou lifted them both off the couch, not moving Izuku from his position in his arms. Izuku let out a small yelp, wrapping his legs around Eijirou's waist to make sure he didn't fall. Eijirou wouldn't drop him, though.
"We should get some food in you, Love. What do you feel like?" Eijirou carried Izuku to the kitchen, setting the shorter man on the counter and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. Usually, Izuku was almost 8 inches shorter than him, but like this, he was about eye to eye with Eijirou.
Izuku shrugged, "You can choose."
Eijirou knew Izuku wasn't okay. He was going to be, he was sure of that, but that wouldn't be for a little while. If he needed Eijirou to make decisions for him, like what they would have for dinner, he could do that for him.
Eijirou settled on making udon for dinner. He knew it was one of Izuku's comfort foods, and it was also relatively easy for one person to make so he didn't have too hard of a time convincing Izuku to just stay off his feet.
He did, however, notice Izuku rubbing his hands out of the corner of his eye. Eijirou hadn't known until after they started dating that Izuku very often had pain in his arms and hands, left over from all the broken bones he endured at UA. Eijirou made a mental note to rub his hands for him after they ate.
Once the udon was ready, they ate mostly in silence. Izuku was still exhausted, emotionally and physically, so they found themselves in bed rather early.
Izuku laid half on Eijirou's chest while Eijirou massaged his arms and hands. Eijirou was endlessly relieved that Izuku was starting to actually relax. He hadn't expected him to be able to sleep after the day he had, but Izuku seemed to be right on the cusp. Good. He deserves to rest.
"Eijirou?"
"Hmm?"
"I love you."
"I love you too, Zuku."
"Being a hero is really hard, and sometimes I feel like it's all for nothing, but... I don't know. I think coming home to you every night is the best thing to happen to me. ...So don't go anywhere... okay?"
"Of course, Izuku. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here. So long as you do too."
Izuku grabbed one of Eijirou's hands to give it a small squeeze, before all his weight settled on Eijirou in a way that let him know the man had fallen asleep. At least while he was asleep, Izuku couldn't hold the weight of the whole world on his shoulders.
Eijirou placed a soft kiss on the crown of Izuku's head. They'll be okay. Together.