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Asta was right.
Things did start getting better.
It took some time for her to be able to look at him without feeling overwhelming guilt and she still struggles with nightmares but piece by piece she is starting to feel whole again.
She owes a lot of it to him.
If Noelle had been left to deal with the conflicting emotions that had plagued her mind since the accident then she would have chosen to keep herself locked away. To keep distance between her and Asta so that the risk of hurting him again was minimal.
But Asta doesn't let her do that.
He doesn't force himself back into her life, he gives her space when she needs it but he doesn't let her forget that he's here for her and that he does not blame her for what had happened.
In some strange twist of fate the accident seemed to have brought them closer together.
For example now when her brain plagues her with nightmares she no longer sits in stews in her own hateful thoughts upon awakening. Instead she trudges out of bed and makes her way down twisting corridors until she finds his door.
No matter the time of night he always answers and he never hesitates to let her inside.
She doesn't know why she started picking up the habit of visiting him after her nightmares but she's so glad she did.
Asta never forces her to tell him what's wrong or pries into what's pestering her. He also doesn't encourage her to sleep when it's clear that she's avoiding it.
Instead he stays up with her and the two just talk.
At some point she had become comfortable enough around him to accept his offer of joining him on the bed.
She values this time so much more than he can possibly know.
They spend whole nights talking about nothing in particular, shifting from topic to topic as night becomes day.
She learns more about him.
Learns about his own siblings and his childhood.
It is quite the contrast when compared to hers.
And yet she still notices him dodge certain topics or change subjects on a dime.
He's never confirmed it to her but she's been able to put together that Asta is only telling her the good memories. That there's more beneath the surface and his childhood was not entirely happy either.
Noelle often finds herself wondering about what he had told her the night after his first swim lesson.
"I did not like being thrown in like that...brought up bad memories."
"No-no not that. Older memories from Hage…not good ones."
Those words make her stomach twist with unease.
She hopes that whatever happened to him back then was not as bad as what her mind started to conjure up at night.
Speaking of said swim lessons he was getting better.
(Probably helped that she didn't jump in the water to save him the moment he started struggling now.)
To her surprise Asta is not a strong swimmer.
He can wade and paddle through water now but the moment he drives under is the moment he panics and at any given point he feels himself losing control he begins to flail.
Yami has been trying to drill into his head for weeks that panicking will only make him sink faster and make it harder for anyone to rescue him but Asta still struggles.
It's clear he doesn't care much for the water.
She hopes she's not the reason why.
It's through Yuno that she finds out she's not.
They're in the capital, giving their latest mission report when they bump into Yuno's team doing the same.
Asta's face lights up the moment he sees his brother and Yuno is much the same.
Noelle smiles fondly as the two begin to catch up and she does the same with Mimosa.
She's not sure how but at some point the topic of Asta's swimming lessons is brought up.
Yuno looks at Asta in surprise.
"I never thought you'd go near the water again." He says almost flippantly.
Noelle does not miss the way Asta tenses up at his words.
"Oh?" Mimosa asks innocently "do you have a fear of water?"
Asta opens his mouth to answer but Yuno gets to it first.
"He fell into the river when we were kids and nearly drowned, he's avoided bodies of water ever since."
Mimosa covers mouth with her hand "oh my!"
"I didn't fall in." Asta growls out dangerously.
Yuno merely rolls his eyes.
Noelle feels something in her twist.
Yuno isn't good at picking up on social queues he never has been but surely he can see the genuine distress that is wavering off his foster brother.
"I didn't!" Asta practically shouts.
"Everyone saw you-"
"They're lying, how many times have I told you that!"
"Why would they do that?"
"You know why!"
Yuno is about to rebuttal but it's at this time Noelle steps in. She swiftly changes the topic and tries to take focus away from Asta who is clearly not alright right now.
If the others notice that Asta doesn't join in the rest of the conversation then they don't say anything.
When they get home that night Asta is still quiet.
Unnervingly so.
It makes Noelle feel like she shouldn't leave him alone.
So when he offers a soft goodnight to her and begins to walk down the hallway she calls out to him.
"Actually," her voice makes him still "would it be alright if we hung out for a while? We don't need to talk but I don't think…I don't think I can sleep right now."
For the first time ever Asta hesitates.
It's only for a moment but Noelle still catches it.
"Of course." He offers but doesn't wait for her to follow.
Instead he keeps moving and Noelle silently follows after him.
Once they reach his room Asta kicks off his shoes and strips himself free from his robe and jacket before lying onto his bed with a huff.
Noelle so desperately wants to ask if he's okay. Wants to pry and dissect his earlier conversation with Yuno to get answers but she doesn't let herself do that.
Instead she offers him the same respect he had shown her.
Noelle merely settles on the bed beside him and offers what little comfort she can through her presence only.
Asta is turned away, back to her and he fiddles with his hand while his eyes are lost in thought.
He's never been so quiet or subdued before.
It bothers her a lot more than she thought it would.
After what feels like hours he speaks first.
"I didn't fall in."
His voice is hesitant and barely above a whisper.
She looks over at him.
"Back at Hage you mean?" She asks softly "when you were a kid?"
"Yes." He shifts as if about to turn to face her but second guesses himself "I did not fall into that river."
"Then what happened?"
"I was thrown in." His voice is laced with an unexpected venom.
"What?"
Finally he twists around to look at her and Noelle can see pain and fear etched across his features as clear as day.
"I was thrown in." He says again.
"But…why?"
He bites his lip and looks down at his hands.
"Because they hated me…everyone in Hage thought I was a cursed child because of my lack of mana…they wanted to be rid of me."
Noelle feels her eyes widen "you mean-"
"They tried to kill me."
Asta's eyes burn with hot tears and thick emotions.
"I couldn't swim," he keeps going, "they knew I couldn't swim but that didn't stop them from holding me down as I was struggling to get out!"
Noelle doesn't know what to think or what to do.
Right now she just listens to his story.
"I remember not being able to breathe and clawing at their hands- trying to get out but they wouldn't let me up."
"What made them stop?"
Asta curls in on himself slightly "Sister Lily and Yuno showed up before they could finish."
"But if that's the case then why does Yuno think you fell in?"
"Because that's what the other villagers told them. They said I was playing by the river and slipped off the bank…claimed they were pulling me out when they showed up…my lungs were too choked with water to say otherwise."
"Asta-"
"When I could talk no matter how many times I told them that I was thrown in no one believed me!" His voice raises in pitch "those nice people saved you Asta stop making stories" he mimics "you're lucky someone was there to help you but if you keep crying wolf then next time no one will."
Noelle feels her heart drop.
"They tried to kill me! They nearly did and no one believes me!"
He falls silent for a moment.
"Not even Yuno."
…
"Why doesn't he?"
Asta scuffs "if I'm the curse then Yuno is the blessing. Everyone in Hage loves Yuno always has…they'd never mistreat him…he thinks they treat me the same…like we're equals…but we're not."
Noelle swallows thickly.
This is a lot of information to digest.
"Did the church ever-"
"No," Asta cuts her off "no they never treated me the way the villagers did but…they never stopped it either."
He grits his teeth "they don't believe me…anytime I tried to tell them that someone in the village did something to me they just…"
He doesn't finish the sentence.
Noelle looks at Asta's heartbroken expression and feels herself become enraged. She understands what it's like to be mistreated for nothing more than the circumstances of your birth and she can relate to Asta on a far deeper level than anyone else can.
And right now she thinks she knows what he needs to hear.
"Asta."
He looks at her half heartedly.
"I believe you."
His eyes grow wide and she can see disbelief spark across his face. For a moment he says nothing- does nothing as his jaw hangs limply open and he stares blankly.
Then those beautiful emerald green eyes fill with tears and he bites at his lip in order to stifle a sob.
Noelle does what he had done for her.
She doesn't panic or fret at the sight of his tears.
She just pulls him in close and rests his head on her chest-so he can hear her heartbeat as she holds him there.
Asta wraps his arms tightly around her and hides his face in her cloth. His cries are surprisingly quiet but they make his whole body shake and shutter.
He had been holding this in for such a long time.
The cards they had been dealt were unfair and cruel.
But at least they had brought them together.
Two lost souls being punished for merely being born. Hurt and scorned by the people who were meant to protect them. Hated for something neither could control.
They could find peace in each other.
Comfort and safety.
They could cry and wail and share all the bad things done to them but also sing and laugh and rejoice for all the good they can now achieve together.
Because she knows they will be okay.
She knows that she will never let anyone hurt Asta like this again.
And she knows that Asta will do the same for her.
Fate is fickle and cruel but in this twisted world it has done one merciful act of kindness for her.
It gave her Asta.