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The alarm went off at four fifteen in the morning. Dispatch reported a twenty three year old male having chest pain. The moment Magnus heard it, he already knew who they’d be going to see. He met his partner at the truck and yawned as he pressed a few buttons until the address of the call was finally shown.
He wasn’t surprised with what he saw. He closed the console and started driving without looking at the map again. He almost said nothing but then, he glanced to the side and remembered that Catarina was on family leave and his new partner, Simon, had never been to one of Alec’s calls before.
“We’ve been to this apartment a few times,” Magnus explained. ‘A few times’ was putting it lightly but he didn’t think Simon needed to know that. There was a rightful stigma against patients who called as much as Alec did. “Young man with severe anxiety. He’s sweet and genuinely thinks he’s dying every time.”
“So, it’s probably anxiety?” Simon summarized.
Magnus hesitated as he responded. He didn’t like to guess before they arrived. It was bad practice. There was always the chance Alec was genuinely having a heart attack tonight and not experiencing one of the many times he woke up in a panic, worried his heart would stop any moment. “Most likely,” he replied eventually. “But we’ll still check.”
Simon nodded and Magnus could tell he was busy going over his assessment in his head. Simon was always worried he’d mess up, despite the fact that he’d studied more than most new EMT’s Magnus had worked with before.
After a short drive, they pulled up to Alec’s apartment. Magnus flipped the lights off after he knew they’d shone in the windows. He wanted Alec to know they’d arrived but there was no reason to leave the lights flashing when Alec was inside anticipating he’d die any moment.
Magnus had never experienced anxiety like Alec did but he couldn't imagine bright flashing lights would help.
They hopped out of the truck. Magnus gestured for Simon to leave the stretcher and equipment behind. Alec’s apartment was one floor. Should he really be having a cardiac crisis, Magnus was sure Simon could run back outside and grab it.
Magnus rapped his knuckles on the front door before he opened it and walked inside, calling out an ‘EMS’ that was far more relaxed than his usual greeting. He hardly looked around. Scene safe, BSI, every scene, every time - but Magnus had been here many times and thus far, Alec had failed to pull a gun or release his attack dog on them.
Magnus stepped into the dimly lit bedroom and the first thing he saw was Gideon. Alec’s service dog sat in his lap, peering out as Magnus and Simon made their way inside. He cocked his head and Magnus could almost see the moment Gideon realized he knew who Magnus was. His tail thumped against Alec’s leg in excitement but he didn’t move from Alec’s lap, like he had a couple of times before.
Gideon was a good service dog. He calmed Alec down and stayed with him when he was panicking but he was also a puppy and thus, still in training. That meant that he sometimes grew too excited and forgot he had an important job to be doing. Magnus tried not to look at Gideon again.
Behind the puppy, Alec sat looking mournful. Magnus could see the panic in his face but that was momentarily dampened by the guilt.
“I’m sorry,” Alec insisted as he pressed his palm into his eye and took in a sharp breath. “I know it’s nothing. It’s always nothing but I just - “ Alec’s breath shuttered. He stumbled over his words as he tried to explain, as he always tried to explain. “It always feels so bad.”
Magnus knew that some of his colleagues were annoyed when Alec called. He could sympathize, especially when Alec’s attacks hit him so early in the morning or so late at night. It was frustrating when you came to help an emergency that wasn’t actually happening but that didn’t mean Alec could help it. He wouldn’t be calling if he didn’t think he had to. The fact that he’d been fine the previous ten times he’d called didn’t matter to his anxiety.
This time, it might be real. This time, he could really die if he didn’t call.
“That’s what we’re here for, Alec.” Magnus assured him.
He made his way over to Alec’s side as he gestured for Simon. He tried to ignore the puppy that started whining and squirming across Alec’s lap as he tried to get Magnus’ attention.
“This is Simon, he’s helping me out tonight. So, why don’t you tell us what’s going on?”
Alec took in a sharp breath before he spoke. He hardly looked up. “It’s just my chest. I took deep breaths. I tried to calm down but it won’t go away and it’s been hours.” Alec pressed his palm harder into his eye. Gideon, who finally seemed to remember he was supposed to do something here, heard the frustration in Alec’s voice and started to press into his chest again, nuzzling into the soft fabric of Alec’s shirt.
Alec pressed one hand to the dog's back and kept the other to his face.
“Your chest, so it hurts? Can you describe it? Does it feel like last time?” Magnus asked, though he knew the answers before Alec spoke.
“It hurts and it feels like I can’t breathe. It feels like something is wrong. It feels like last time but I just - just what if this time it’s real? And what if I didn’t call and I was having a heart attack and then, it was too late.”
Magnus was very doubtful Alec was having a heart attack. His skin looked fine, he wasn’t sweating - it was still possible but Magnus was at least reassured that Alec wasn’t gray. “Well, we can stop worrying about that because we’re here and if something happens, you’re in the best hands, right?”
Weakly, Alec nodded.
“Do you think you can walk out to the ambulance for me?”
Alec nodded again. He seemed relieved at the thought. He always did. He knew that in the ambulance, Magnus would do a 12-lead and if his worst fears were confirmed and he was having a heart attack, Magnus would know.
“Are you feeling light headed at all? You’re not going to fall, right?”
Again, Alec shook his head no but Magnus still reached to help him when Alec pushed Gideon aside and started to rise to his feet. Magnus walked close to his side as Gideon and Simon followed behind them.
At the truck, Magnus swung the doors open and let Alec climb inside. Gideon followed into the bed of the truck after trying to jump up twice. Once inside, he did a quick round of sniffling before Alec scooped him up. One of the first times Magnus had ever come to Alec, he struggled to step around the puppy countless times before Alec finally asked if he was allowed to hold him on the stretcher. Magnus had felt stupid for not suggesting it.
“Simon’s going to get some vitals on you while I hook up the 12-lead.” He skipped the rest of his spiel about stickers and how the machine worked. Alec was already unbuttoning his shirt. They’d done this enough times before. Once he was done, he tugged on his fingers before stopping himself and settling his hands in Gideon’s fur.
Magnus knew Alec was hardly listening to him now. He was thinking, relentlessly, about the fact that he could die and whatever the heart monitor said could confirm it in a matter of moments.
Magnus made quick work of setting up the monitor. On the other side of Alec, Simon was setting up the blood pressure cuff. Alec didn’t seem to notice what he was doing. He was too busy staring at the screen where his certain doom would be spelled out shortly.
“Keep breathing for me, Alec,” Magnus reminded.
Alec nodded, not noticing that Magnus had been trying to make him laugh. Obediently, he took a breath.
When the monitor was hooked up, Magnus reached for the screen. “Let’s see what we’ve got,” he murmured as he pressed the button. Magnus took a glance at Alec's vitals as he waited. They were all normal, for someone trying to stifle a panic attack that was.
Alec followed his gaze and scanned the numbers frightfully. He knew what was normal. He also knew what was not normal. His eyes widened. “Is my heart rate too high?” He asked quickly. His tone indicated to Magnus that he very much thought it was too high. Seeing the number alone made his heart rate shoot up more.
“It is a little high,” Magnus admitted quickly. “But I’m not surprised. You’re very stressed out. I said it was a little high last time, remember? But that it was normal for someone having a panic attack.”
Alec’s hands trembled. Magnus could tell his words did nothing to comfort him. “But what if it’s not high because I’m having a panic attack? What if something is wrong this time?”
Magnus gestured for Simon to turn the monitor away before Alec looked again and saw his heart rate had increased another ten digits. “Well, that’s why we’re checking your heart.” He tapped Alec’s chest, where the wires were still attached.
As if on que, Alec’s heartbeat appeared on the screen. Magnus gave it a quick glance. His heart was certainly pounding but there was nothing abnormal, certainly no heart stopping myocardial infarction like Alec always expected.
“Perfectly normal,” Magnus declared.
Alec looked at him hesitantly before he turned to watch his heart beat again. “Are you sure?” He asked softly.
Magnus looked to it again and double checked, even though he was sure the first time. “Yep. Nothing strange.” Gently, Magnus patted Alec’s arm. “You’re not having a heart attack. Does that make you feel any better?”
Alec thought about it for a moment before a soft breath left him. He nodded, though his brows were still stitched together in worry.
“Does your chest still hurt?”
Alec nodded without looking over.
“Alright. Do you want us to take you over to the hospital then? They can double check for you. Maybe, they can help you set up an appointment with your primary care to talk about some new medication. Did you ever call to talk about switching?”
Last time, Alec had mentioned his wanting to switch his anxiety meds. Unfortunately, doing so meant calling his doctor, which meant more anxiety.
Alec shook his head no and looked relieved at Magnus’ proposition. Some of the other paramedics who came tried to convince Alec not to go to the hospital but it really wasn’t their place. If a patient wanted to go, they were transported.
“Alright, take us out of here Simon.”
Simon nodded and hopped out of the back of the rig. Internally, Magnus was thankful he didn’t actually have to do anything to Alec back here. Simon was a good EMT. He was not, if Magnus was pressed to criticize him, an amazing driver. Trying to set up an IV while Simon was driving felt like more of an impossible task every time Magnus tried it.
“All the same meds then, Alec?” Magnus asked as they started driving. “No new allergies?” He ran through his standard questions, making sure none of Alec’s information had changed but he skipped most of them and filled in the information himself. He didn’t even have to ask for Alec’s birthday. He’d memorized it the first time because it was a day off from his cat’s birthday, something he’d gleefully told Alec during their first transport.
Both of their birthdays were a week away. If Magnus wasn’t working, he planned to throw a party for his cat. If he was working, he planned to come home with every cat treat he could buy. “Doing anything fun next week?” Magnus asked as he kept charting.
Alec frowned, looking confused until Magnus finally looked up and clarified, “It’s your birthday.”
“Oh,” Alec scratched behind Gideon’s ear as he thought. “Uh, no, not really. My sister will probably come over.”
Magnus looked back down to his chart. He spoke without thinking. “Well, my cat is turning seven on Friday. Maybe, you’d want to come over and celebrate?”
For a moment, Alec didn’t answer and Magnus regretted every word.
He was in the middle of transporting Alec to a hospital. It was the most inappropriate time he could choose to try to hit on someone. It was probably an abuse of power and even though Magnus wasn’t quite sure about the legality of it, it was definitely out of place and could earn Magnus a strong reprimand if Alec decided to take it to his superiors.
“Are you serious?” Alec asked quietly.
Magnus glanced up to him. He stared, trying to gauge Alec’s reaction. It was hard but he didn’t exactly look mad. “If me asking isn’t horribly inappropriate,” he amended. He’d already asked. He figured there was no harm in digging his heels in and seeing what happened.
Alec’s face softened, like he’d thought Magnus was playing a joke on him right up until that moment. “That sounds nice,” he said finally. “Um, can I give you my…” Alec reached for his phone hesitantly but Magnus waved him off.
“Find me on facebook. You’ll recognize me.”
Alec glanced down to his phone, smiling softly as he opened the app. “I definitely will.”
They didn’t have another moment to talk about it because they were pulling up to the hospital. Magnus glanced at the monitor again, squinting as he tried to read it from the awkward angle. Alec’s heart rate was nearly normal. He documented it in his chart. “How’s that chest pain now?” He asked, already knowing the answer.
Alec looked surprised, like he was just now remembering why he was in Magnus’ ambulance. “It’s… better.” Suddenly, he looked worried again. “But I should probably go get checked out anyway, right? Just in case?”
Magnus nodded. “Sure, we’re already here after all.” He knew that any other answer would end with them going to pick Alec up in an hour. He’d convince himself that not going into the hospital was a mistake. He’d convince himself that the hospital would have found something, if he’d gone in and then, the panic would be back in full force.
As much as Magnus wouldn’t mind seeing Alec again, he’d much prefer it to be under different circumstances.
They walked inside together and Magnus gave report to the nurse, who was well aware of who Alec was. She was nice to Alec, as she had to be, but as they walked away, she rolled her eyes.
“He just panics,” Magnus murmured quietly.
The nurse sighed. “I know but he could do it on a day when we’re fully staffed.” She gave Magnus a weak smile before she was walking off. Neither of them stated the obvious, that they were never fully staffed.
Magnus turned to wave bye to Alec, who now sat in a hospital bed gnawing on his lip anxiously. Gideon was settled at his side, exhausted from all of the excitement and falling asleep.
As he walked away, Magnus wondered if Gideon had ever met a cat before. When he accepted Alec’s friend request a few minutes later, he sent Alec a message to ask. Alec responded in a matter of seconds and they texted for the rest of Magnus’ shift, when Magnus had a moment to glance to his phone anyway.
Gideon had never met a cat before. When Magnus didn’t respond right away, Alec slyly suggested he come over more often, for the sake of Gideon’s training of course.
Magnus smiled through the rest of his shift. For the first time, he was thankful Catarina was on leave because there was no way she’d ever let him live it down. It was only a few hours later, as they sat parked outside of a small coffee shop that always rushed their orders, that Simon laughed and murmured, “So, you like Alec, huh?”
Magnus closed his phone and put it down in his lap without responding. He took a swig of his latte as he glared. “He’s sweet,” he replied.
“And you’re sweet on him,” Simon replied with a chuckle.
For once, Magnus was happy when another call came in and their lunch was cut short.