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Charles has his good days and bad days. So far the last three have been bad days.
What makes it all worse is his extremely caring boyfriend who has yet to see him on one of these days. Erik has been sending him messages and calling him frequently, wanting to meet up, but Charles has been trying to dodge them as much as he can.
It’s nice, really, truthfully. But right now, he’s just afraid of how Erik will react to him like this. He worries he’ll find it too much, he will run away and never look back. That’s the last thing he wants, so it’s best to just stay away for now.
After all, Erik thought he was getting into a relationship with a guy who was physically in great shape, or at least, didn’t spend half his time in a wheelchair, in too much pain to walk, too weak for his legs to hold him up. To tell him differently now… well, it could ruin everything.
Hearing his phone, Charles sighs, knowing immediately it's Erik as he reaches for it. He’s been at his desk in his office at the university for hours, trying to get some grading done, but decides he’s done enough for a break—especially one involving talking to Erik for a few minutes.
“Hello?” Charles says with a smile.
“Hello, Liebling,” Erik replies and Charles can tell he’s smiling too. “Want to go to dinner this evening?”
Charles bites his bottom lip. Truthfully, he would love to spend time with Erik, preferably at one of their flats. Maybe cuddle and just exist in the world for a while. But he can’t do that, can he?
“I don’t know,” Charles replies with a sigh, “I have grading to catch up on,” He looks around at his desk. It’s true, there’s still a stack of papers on his desk, but he’s about done with what he’s planning for today.
“Oh,” Erik whispers and Charles can hear the disappointment in his voice, “Okay, well…tomorrow? I just…if this is something we need to talk about, then let me know? I want to know if I’ve done something wrong. I love you.”
It’s only been three days. But they had been seeing each other daily for the past two months so this has been a change. Charles can’t blame Erik for worrying about this, he would too in the other’s position.
“Erik, I love you too, darling. Why don’t you come over to my place in a couple of hours? We can cook dinner together and eat,” he offers.
“Are you sure?” Erik asks, “I don’t want to push you or anything if you really don’t want to. I just want to know what’s going on and if you’re okay.”
Charles sighs softly, “I’m okay, just a little stressed right now. Come on over, I should have enough in to cook something and we can talk then if you want to. We can play some chess too.”
“So I can cook and then we can play chess?” Erik asks, voice lightening up a little, making it clear he’s smiling. “Sounds good to me, Schatz.”
Charles smiles, it does sound nice, now that he’s thinking about it. He’s missed Erik more than he had realized. Maybe they should think about moving in together.
That would again just bring up the question of how he could tell Erik about his situation though. He might be able to hide it for tonight, or he can at least try, but if they live together Charles knows he won’t be able to keep it a secret. One night will be hard enough.
He can deal with that later though, a problem for future Charles to deal with. For now, he returns to his work, figuring he can get another hour of grading in before he has to leave.
As soon as Charles gets home, he checks the time. Half an hour before Erik should arrive, just enough time, he decides, as he makes his way into the bathroom and turns on the hot water. A warm bath should do wonders if he’s going to act normal. It typically lessens the pain, though it’s far from a permanent solution.
He removes his shirt before carefully pushing himself to his feet, wincing as he puts pressure on his legs and sliding his pants down before moving into the bath, breathing harder than he would like, thanks to the pain and effort of even the short walk and sitting down.
It just further shows how he has to keep this from Erik. He feels bad enough that this is his reality, how would someone like him feel about this? Erik runs every day, and spends at least four hours a week in the gym, he’s healthy and fit and Charles…isn’t. He doesn’t even pretend to have a healthy diet and, sure, on his better days he might walk the short distance to work, but it’s hardly an hour daily run.
Sometimes he feels like an old man, and Raven doesn’t do anything to help him in that area, constantly insisting that he is, despite only being thirty-two. He just happens to like sweaters, and books and tea, and quiet nights in. He struggles with chronic pain after an accident and sometimes can’t stand to walk over two or three steps at a time. Or uses a cane. At one point it was a walker, but that wasn’t something he could do really well, seeming to make everything more difficult rather than easier.
Sighing, he rubs his hands over his face. The muscle tension in his legs might be easing, but in the rest of his body, it’s only building. Mentally, he goes over everything he needs to do. Get out, dress, put his chair away, try to make it back to the couch, and wait for Erik. Once he arrives try to find a reason to stay seated most of the night without looking suspicious. It’s going to be hard but he thinks he can do it.
That is, until there’s a knock at the door.
Charles knows it’s Erik immediately, not only because he’s the only one expected, but because of his mind as well.
He curses under his breath as he pushes himself to his feet and grabs a towel, trying to dry off quickly without tripping or falling. That’s the last thing he needs right now.
“Come in, darling, doors unlocked. I’m in the bathroom but will be out soon,” He sends to the other man. Seconds later, Charles hears the door open and feels Erik’s mind come closer, followed by a feeling of affection, tinted by concern.
Charles ignores that for now. He needs to find a way to get the wheelchair out of the room and back into the closet without Erik noticing. Almost an impossibility when one’s boyfriend has a metal-based power.
In the rush around the room, the pain starts to flare back up but Charles tries to push past it, pulling on underwear, shirt, and then his pants.
That’s when it all goes wrong. He trips over his pants leg and falls to the floor, barely managing to bite back a scream as his leg slams into the wall. He can do nothing but lay on the floor for a moment, hoping the pain will subside a little and that Erik doesn't hear him.
It was too much to ask for though as a knock at the door makes him sit up while his legs are still screaming in pain.
“Everything okay, Liebling?” Erik calls.
“Yeah, just fine,” Charles calls back, voice strained. “Just accidentally kicked the wall.”
“Alright, well, let me know if you need anything. Ice, hot water bottle, anything.”
Charles nods to himself, certain Erik knows something is going on now. “Okay, thank you.”
He waits until Erik walks away from the door and slowly moves back to his wheelchair, slowly lifting himself up into it. He wants to cry, he always does after moments like these. It’s all too much and he wants nothing more than to curl up on his bed, maybe with a hot water bottle, and cry until he falls asleep.
That’s not an option though, not with Erik here. His hands grip the arms of his chair until his knuckles turn white and then he pushes himself up. The chair is moved over to the slide where hopefully, Erik wouldn’t notice it, though he’s certain to already know.
Only then does Charles make his way out of the bathroom. Each step is agony, his hand goes to the wall in an attempt not to fall. His movements are more of a shuffle than a walk at this point, but he manages to make it to the couch before falling onto it, knees buckling under him.
He can’t see it, but he’s sure his face is red and he’s lightly coated in sweat. He can feel the tears in his eyes and closes them for a moment, hoping to stop the tears from falling. Erik is just a few feet away in the kitchen, with no walls between them, nothing to keep him from seeing the look on Charles’s face.
A few seconds later, there’s a hand on his shoulder and he slowly opens his eyes to look at Erik, standing bent over in front of him. The touch is soothing and, as much as he feels like he should pull away, all he can do is relax into it.
“Liebling,” Erik whispers softly, moving down to kneel on the floor in front of him. “What’s going on? Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
Charles looks at Erik, but only for a minute before his eyes fall down to his lap, a tear sliding down his cheek that Erik doesn’t hesitate to catch on his finger.
“Does it have something to do with the wheelchair in your bathroom?” Erik asks, almost hesitantly, and Charles nods once, leaning forward. He rests his head against Erik’s shoulder, eyes closing once again.
“Okay, do you need it? I can get it for you. I wouldn’t even have to move, I can stay here with you.”
Again, Charles nods and feels Erik shuffling, his arm going out and then the chair rolls into the room seconds later. After it’s parked, Erik’s arms wrap around Charles and hold him in place.
“When you’re ready to talk about this, we can, but only when you’re ready. I have one more question though. Is this why you’ve been avoiding seeing each other the last few days?”
Charles gives another nod. Tears flow freely down his face as his arms wrap back around Erik, holding onto each other as Charles cries the tears he has been holding back for days now.
The hand on his back, rubbing in circles helps to soothe him and calm him down a little at a time. These breakdowns don’t feel nearly as bad when they take place in Erik’s arms, Charles decides.
He doesn’t know how long has passed before he pulls back from the hug and uses the sleeve of his shirt to wipe at his eyes.
“Sorry about that,” Charles mumbles into his hands, which Erik takes hold of and pulls away from his face.
“Everything’s okay, Liebling,” Erik whispers to him, wiping his face again to make sure to get all the tears. “Now, is there anything else you need for right now? We can talk more when dinner is ready, if you want.”
“On the table next to my bed,” Charles replies, clearing his throat, “There’s a bottle with some pills, bring me a couple of them? And maybe some water?” He hates how unsure and worried he sounds, but he does feel that way. Like at any moment, Erik is going to get up and walk out, leaving him behind.
Erik, however, only stands up and goes into the bedroom. He comes back soon with a couple of pills in his hand, then moves back to the kitchen area to get him a glass of water. Charles takes the medicine before relaxing back on the couch.
“Thank you,” Charles mumbles.
“Anytime,” Erik replies, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Stay here and I’ll finish dinner. We can eat on the couch if you want, if it would be easier.”
Charles smiles and nods, watching Erik move back into the kitchen.
The next thing Charles knows, Erik is gently shaking his shoulder and he’s opening his eyes, seeing the man standing over him with a small smile.
“I hate to wake you, Liebling,” Erik says softly, “But dinner’s ready and I thought you’d like it still warm. Come on, sit up and we’ll get some food in you. If you’re still sleepy after dinner, we can skip the game of chess if you want.”
Charles slowly pushes himself up, using his arms to move his legs back onto the floor. Once he’s ready, Erik sits the plate on his lap before sitting down with his own, right next to Charles.
The two eat for a moment, and Charles wonders if it’s tense silence or if that’s just him. He needs to tell Erik, wants to, but where should he start? Eating works as a distraction for a moment but then he sighs, laying his fork down.
“You said we could talk more over dinner,” Charles points out, “Umm, sometimes I have bad days.”
Erik nods, looking over at him while chewing. Once he’s finished that bite, he says, “Only tell me if you want to and you’re ready.”
“I am. I want you to know and I think you might need to as well,” Charles informs him, “I was in an accident a few years ago. It messed up my back and legs causing chronic pain. Most days I’m okay, but some days it’s so bad that my legs are weak and they both hurt so bad that even standing is almost impossible. That’s what happened earlier. I was having a hot bath for the pain, got out, and fell. That certainly didn’t do anything to help.”
Sitting his fork down, Erik reaches out, laying his hand over Charles’s. “You know I don’t…mind, right? I love you, this isn’t going to change that. Do what you need to do, as long as you’re comfortable and safe. I don’t want to see you hurt yourself trying to impress me or keep up or whatever you’re trying to do.”
Charles nods, “I guess I just haven’t really been able to accept needing the help myself. The idea that someone else could accept it didn’t seem possible.”
“No matter what, I’m going to accept you. Just be yourself whether it’s with the wheelchair, or your telepathy, or anything else, Charles. You don’t need to keep things like this a secret from me. And if you need anything let me know.”
Charles looks over at Erik, “You mean if there’s something I can’t do you’ll do it for me.” He states, annoyance in his voice. “I don’t need you to reach the top shelves for me, Erik.”
“Okay, we both know that’s not true, I’ve seen you get step stools to reach them. But you should also know that’s not what I meant. I meant anything. Someone to talk to, someone to use your powers on, someone to tell you when your viewpoints are frankly terrible.”
Charles glares at Erik, though the mood is lighter and a smile is slowly appearing on his face as Erik smiles back at him.
“Anything, Schatz. I know you’re capable of taking care of yourself and doing what you want to do. You’re too stubborn not to.”
“I’m the stubborn one?” Charles asks, “Honestly, have you met yourself, Erik?”
“You see, you’re being stubborn right now,” Erik replies, earning a shove to his arm.
“So are you. Insisting I’m the stubborn one,” Charles says back, laughing as Erik moves their almost empty plates onto the coffee table and wraps his arms around Charles, pushing him back on the couch careful of his back and legs.
“You’re more stubborn than I am. Just listen to yourself. I’m just telling you the truth, not being stubborn,” Erik states, his hands going to Charles’s sides, tickling him, making the smaller man laugh out as he tries to push Erik away.
“You-“ He starts to say around giggling, “Stubborn.”
“What was that?” Erik asks, unable to keep from smiling as well, “You’re stubborn? Is that what you said?”
“Erik!” Charles calls out, wiggling around a little until the other man stops and leans down and kisses him instead.
Maybe Charles should have told Erik about all of this months ago. It’s already clear that things between the two of them are going to be okay.