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Kuroo Tetsurou was, frankly speaking, an awful sap, and Kei had yet to grow accustomed to that fact.
Or rather, he had yet to reach the point where he could admit it to Tetsurou’s face that it made him quite happy that Tetsurou went out of his way to make sure Kei felt loved and cared for.
God, Kei missed his dumb face.
The train ride from Miyagi to Tokyo was a long one spent on texting with Tetsurou and hiding smiles into his scarf from other passengers that could also be on their way to meet a loved one.
Kei wasn’t interested in their stories, however.
Not when the distance between him and Tetsurou grew shorter with every passing moment.
from: tetsurou
can’t wait for u to get here honeybuns
Sometimes Tetsurou really tested his luck and Kei’s patience with the exasperating (endearing) nicknames.
to: tetsurou
i changed my mind im not coming
Kei bit at his lower lip as he contemplated whether he was cruel enough to send that kind of message. He knew just how badly Tetsurou had been looking forward to this weekend; even now, Kei could recall the strained excitement of Tetsurou’s voice from the night before when they had last heard each other’s voice.
Kei sighed to himself, the beat of the music blaring from his headphones making him tap his fingers against the screen of his phone.
He had really been looking forward to this, too, amidst all the work as a third year high school student and as a captain of a volleyball team.
Adjusting their together time to fit in their schedules was hard, even when it came to online time. Homework, volleyball practice, friendships. Everything and anything seemed intent on pulling them away from each other, especially the distance.
They were working on it, though.
It required effort, but they somehow made it work.
to: tetsurou
we have talked about embarrassing nicknames already, tetsurou
Several times, in fact, Kei thought with a roll of his eyes as he waited for Tetsurou’s next message, a finger tapping at the screen absently.
It arrived surprisingly quickly – or, knowing Tetsurou, unsurprisingly.
from: tetsurou
u used to call me tetsu, kei
Kei could barely keep himself from snorting out loud, though his lips did twist into the barest of smirks. There was no question as to why he was dating this dork, but sometimes he wondered why Tetsurou even bothered with him.
Today was not of those times.
to: tetsurou
make sure you behave, and maybe I will.
Kei could almost picture the lame puppy-like expression on Tetsurou’s face, and it made him sigh out loud. Impatience wasn’t one of his vices generally, but it was hard to be patient when the scenery flashed by the window next to him, slowly turning into more city-like.
The music in his headphones slowly turned into something slower, something that Kei knew Tetsurou had uploaded into his music player during the previous visits. It had taken some time for Kei to get over the initial embarrassment that came in the wake of listening to cheesy love songs possibly from the last century, but in the privacy of his head, Kei could appreciate the flowing notes, the words of love that were exaggerated and promised too many things to be realistic.
Kei smiled into his scarf, eyelids fluttering shut for a moment as a smile spread over his lips.
He could hardly wait.
Nose against nose, hand in hand, smiles both wide and tentative.
“I missed you, Tsukki-“
“Don’t start crying yet, we’re still at the station.”
(“I missed you too.”)
The trip back to Miyagi was more solemn, Kei’s face buried behind the thick folds of the scarf for a different reason than hiding a smile.
The exhaustion of inevitable separation for who knows how long was taking its toll on him, and having the time to mull over the lost physical contact with Tetsurou was not helpful in the least in public transportation where people came and went and sat down where they could.
Had Kei been a little more irrational, he’d have asked Tetsurou to take the train with him to Miyagi so he could properly take Kei back home. Like non-long-distance couples did.
Instead Kei had to amuse himself by listening to the recording of Tetsurou’s voice from his phone. It was a silly habit Tetsurou had taken up – leaving messages to Kei’s phone while Kei was asleep or doing grocery shopping for Tetsurou’s lazy butt that had difficulties waking up before noon in the weekends.
This weekend had been no exception in regards to Tetsurou sneaking messages into his phone.
Headphones covering his ears, Kei smiled to himself as Tetsurou’s familiar voice began talking, the recording crackling whenever Tetsurou laughed.
“Six am should be illegal,” Tetsurou was complaining, his voice hoarse and sleepy, and Kei could imagine the droopy-eyed expression accompanying the exhausted tone. “Waking up at six am even more so. Fucking hell, man.”
Kei snorted quietly – if it was hard for him to get up in the mornings, it was doubly so for Tetsurou even despite the number of morning practices the university student and volleyball player has had in his lifetime. Well, Kei supposed it had its good sides as he got the chance to really look at Tetsurou without having to expect a smartass comment regarding his staring.
(“Yeah, I know I’m good-looking, but you should see yourself” wasn’t even the worst.)
Though there was not much to look at if Tetsurou had curled into the position where his head was stuffed into a pillow, its sides pressed over his ears.
Most of the times, though, Kei woke up with some part of his body stiff (for the love of everything, shut up, Tetsurou) as he was partially squeezed between the mattress and Tetsurou, who had rolled onto him in his sleep. Disentangling from the other was always the most annoying part of the morning, since nothing was worth the pain of numb arms and inability to take full breaths.
Tetsurou was a messy sight in the mornings, his hair even spikier and pointier than usual, limbs lying all over the place if they didn’t cling to Kei. Mouth open, breath warm, hair like a cat’s fur against fingers when Kei petted the strands with early morning fondness.
Kei shook that memory away, his breath stuttering as he listened to Tetsurou’s rough voice. The other people around him might as well have ceased to exist as he fell into the comfort of the familiarity that always followed the sound of the other’s voice. It wasn’t so much about the words as it was about the voice, Kei had come to realize at some point.
He just needed to hear Tetsurou’s exhales and inhales, the sudden pauses when Tetsurou would suddenly come up with something incredibly stupid(ly sweet), the softness that lingered when Tetsurou talked to Kei.
God, Kei smiled to himself as he sniffled – it was just a beginning of a cold, he told himself.
“Yeah, me cursing isn’t probably what you need to hear on your way back, babe, but shit. Sorry. I’m no good before my first cup of tea or coffee. Or even just fucking Coke. Should make Bokuto hook me up with a six pack of that again.”
Kei almost said “no” out loud. Almost.
“Waking up like this isn’t so bad when it’s you I wake up to, though. You look so peaceful while sleeping, you know – that wrinkle between your brows isn’t in sight, and you look… actually, you look pretty happy right now, and…” Tetsurou laughed, the sound giddy and quiet, and Kei’s heart skipped a beat. “I look at you and realize that I’m gonna have to let you go back to Miyagi, and I miss you already.”
Tetsurou’s recorded voice sighed along with Kei’s.
“Makes me a little selfish, saying these when you won’t listen before you’re on your way back home. I’m sorry. But… I really do miss you already.”
Missing something before it even went away. Kei couldn’t say he didn’t relate to that feeling himself.
Shuffling a little on his seat, Kei buried his face deeper into the warmth of his scarf, hiding away the redness of his face and the heart-wrenching urge to go back to give Tetsurou one more kiss, one more hug.
These visits were always too short.
Next time, Tetsurou didn’t take the train to Miyagi.
Instead, he did the irresponsible thing of letting Bokuto drive him to Miyagi all the way from Tokyo while blasting Fall Out Boy songs full volume and possibly shattering both their eardrums in the process.
It was stupid, it was highly irresponsible since they were who they were, but Tetsurou had to admit to himself he couldn’t take the sound of train racing on the tracks more than he absolutely had to. He’d be restless and impatient, fingers typing messages meant for Kei who usually was at the volleyball practice whenever Tetsurou’s train left Tokyo.
Instead of that, though, Tetsurou spent a few hours more in a car with Bokuto, who others would classify as a hazard in traffic but who was, in fact, quite a safe driver. Even if he kept saying “check this out, Kuroo!” and thus scaring the shit out of everyone that ever dared to step into his vehicle.
So there he was now, stuffed in the passenger’s seat beside Bokuto, singing to The Kids Aren’t Alright clumsily and with intentionally bad accents that made both of them crack up.
“And in the end, I’d do it all over again,” Bokuto sang, one of the only parts where they both calmed down and remained solemn throughout.
“I think you’re my best friend,” Tetsurou piped in, touching Bokuto’s shoulder briefly as to not distract him from driving but long enough to convey the sentiment. The rest of the song went in a blur, their voices loud and upbeat till the end.
“Shit, I think that’s enough for me,” Tetsurou gagged, fingers pressing against his throat when the song ended and the next one started. “I need to save my voice for Tsukki.”
“What’re you gonna do – serenade him?” Bokuto snickered, slightly out of breath himself as he took a turn to the left at another crossroads. “Dude, I think that’d disturb the neighbors.”
“Says the guy that did that for Akaashi,” Tetsurou laughed despite himself, leaning back against the seat and pretending it was as soft as the mattress of his bed. “His neighbors were concerned someone was ‘slaughtering an owl’, weren’t they?”
Bokuto rolled his eyes with an audible snort. “They’re hard on hearing, so can’t blame them for not understanding my great talent at wooing Akaashi off his feet.”
“Sweeping him off his feet by singing a gentle love song with the voice of a heavy metal artist, you mean.”
“Shut up, dude.”
Tetsurou couldn’t stop laughing for the next five minutes, chest heaving with the effort to breathe through the longing that itched at his heart more the closer they got to Miyagi.
“Theoretically speaking,” Bokuto began, pretending not to notice the shift in Tetsurou’s mood, “you totally should do a Katy Perry cover for him.”
“What.”
“I’m serious, bro. You ever heard of Unconditionally? I just,” Bokuto sighed, tilting his head forward a little in a moment of mild apprehension, “think it really fits how you and I feel about Keiji and Tsukki, y’know.”
“Uh, a Katy Perry song?”
“Dude, you ever listened to the lyrics?” Bokuto gushed, fingers tapping at the steering wheel as they got stuck on red lights for the fifth time during their small-scale road trip. “There’s this part about insecurities that I feel hits you and Tsukki pretty close.”
“Insecurities,” Tetsurou repeated, amused by how perceptive Bokuto could be on his good days. “Sounds about right.” Then again, Bokuto had the privilege of knowing Tetsurou almost as well as Kenma did. “Maybe I’ll give it a try next time I record Tsukki a message.”
“Send him my regards, bro.”
“You’re not staying with us? I told him you’d need the rest after such a long drive—“
“Nah, I’ll just sleep at Hinata’s. Wouldn’t want to disturb you lovebirds.”
“He’s your friend too, you know.”
“I’m not the one that’s been pining pathetically over the past weeks for a chance to spend time with him,” Bokuto interrupted, glancing at Kuroo before turning his eyes back to the road as he sped up once the traffic lights had hit green. “It’s been sad to look at.”
“I haven’t—“
“Dude. You have.”
“…”
“S’okay, though! It’s loooooove.” Bokuto smirked, and Tetsurou rolled his eyes as he resisted the half-hearted urge to shove at Bokuto with his elbow.
The words stayed stuck in his head, making his heartbeat accelerate.
It’s love.
Bokuto wasn’t wrong.
Leaving Miyagi behind him was hard, and this time the silence inside his head as he sat through the train trip was welcomed.
Exhausted in the best of ways, Tetsurou leaned his elbow against the side of the window, looking at the passing scenery without really seeing anything. His mind was too full of Kei to pay much attention to anything outside the sphere of lazy kisses earlier in the day (which had turned more frantic with the approaching departure of Tetsurou’s train) and the lingering warmth of Kei’s hand in his.
It would be a while before either one could visit the other, what with the nationals coming and several deadlines for essays that Tetsurou should have been spending the weekend doing.
There were several of those should-haves, but he didn’t regret his choice in the least. He’d pull through the rest – the gift of bullshitting was strong in him, after all.
Tetsurou smiled slightly at the red string tied around his left ring finger, the dark color a contrast to the snow white world outside the train. Knowing that Kei was just as bad as him when it came to sap warmed him up pleasantly, from the toes to the scalp.
“I’m not,” Kei had insisted when Tetsurou had commented on it, rolling his eyes in a show of exasperation, which was followed by a hands-on-hips stance that made Tetsurou snicker uncontrollably because what the hell, Tsukki.
Kei had bristled, embarrassed, but he had also explained himself quietly, fiddling with his fingers anxiously. “It’s a reminder that the distance between us doesn’t make it any less real,” Kei had mumbled, nose scrunched up like he was fighting off a bad case of stomach ache. “That it’s, uh, real. As real for me as it’s to you.” Kei lifted his hand, and only then Tetsurou had seen the red thread around corresponding finger.
Tetsurou wasn’t sure how to respond other than by making a sound resembling a dying screech of a cat.
Kei, well, he had stared at Tetsurou in muted concern, fingers twitching before they hid from Tetsurou’s view again.
The silence that had fallen into Kei’s room had been awkward, heavy with unsaid words and emotions. “It’s so you won’t miss me so much,” Kei had broken the silence after sitting down on the edge of his bed, looking at anywhere but Tetsurou as his cheeks burned under the other’s scrutinizing gaze.
Pressing his cheek against the window, Tetsurou’s eyes crinkled at the memory until they closed completely to the steady sound of train moving on.
He’d send Kei a text when he got back to Tokyo, but right now he wanted to relish in the immensely satisfying feeling of being in love and being loved in return.
He might be leaving Miyagi behind for the next weeks, but he left with the reassurance that he wasn’t the only one feeling devastated by the distance, feeling so weak against the emotion that he could only label as complete and utter surrender to love.
This was fine.
Tetsurou smiled and pressed a thumb against the red string tied around the ring finger, nudging at it with his nail.
It’s all about maintaining that connection…
There was a text message from Kei waiting for him when he got out of the train – what was surprising was that Tetsurou hadn’t noticed it.
Love you, the text said, and Tetsurou smiled as a flock of people passed him by, ignorant of the storm that brewed inside a boy barely in his twenties.
Love you too, Tetsurou returned, only afterwards wiping the corners of his eyes clean from the tear-induced pressure.
They would be okay.
This feeling of his heart being at two places at the same time would be fixed, one way or another.