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Amity knew Luz had been “forgetting” to take her ADHD medicine.
Camila gave it to her every morning and Amity always saw Luz pocket it before running off to school. Well, more accurately run off to her bedroom after pretending to take it. Whenever Camila would turn around Luz would stuff it in her pocket. Then she’d down her glass of water and smile at her mom.
Nobody else noticed. Hunter had been learning how to sleep in more often, Willow and Gus were usually in the garden after they ate breakfast or weren’t awake yet, and Vee usually was helping Camila clean up so they paid very little attention to what Luz was doing with her medicine.
Amity however always woke up with Luz and spent the mornings with her girlfriend. And Amity noticed. She just didn’t know how to bring it up.
One day, while Luz was at school, Amity decided to go and find out what her girlfriend had been doing with the medication. The other day she’d caught Luz putting the medication underneath her bed in a plastic bag, though she was careful enough not to let Luz know she’d seen. The purple-haired girl didn’t really know how to handle the situation, and she was afraid if Luz knew she knew then the situation would only get worse.
But she had to say something, didn’t she?
Amity carefully peeled back the mattress only to find the plastic bag full of two months worth of medication was gone. The girl ran her hands through her hair, stressed. Luz had only left five minutes ago, and whatever she was planning to do with that medicine, well, she couldn’t have done much yet. Right?
Amity shoved a pair of Luz’s shoes on, grateful they were a similar size and easy to find, and then ran out the door of the Noceda household, trying to reflect if Luz had said anything stranger than normal recently. Anything to indicate what Amity was anticipating. Because, yeah, Amity knew that doing stuff like this usually meant…
But it couldn’t have come so soon, right?
“I’ll, uh…I love you guys!” Luz had said right before she left the house.
Amity smacked her head. How could she had been so stupid? Luz always said she’d see them later, but this time? She refused to say the words. She should have known.
Amity heard a twig snap in the woods nearby the old house they’d begun to remodel. Nobody other than her and her friends were ever in those woods, and Amity had a sneaking suspicion Luz would do whatever she could to keep herself near the demon realm, even if she…
Amity couldn’t even get herself to think that scary thought. Yet she still ran towards the sound, and there Luz was, bag of medication in hand, water bottle in the other. Instead of downing all the medicine Luz was just staring at it, contemplating the idea. She picked at the plastic, and then looked at Amity and sighed.
“I knew you knew,” Luz whispered. Her voice cracked as she spoke. “I know I’m weak for thinking like this, and I know I’m being selfish, but I just…”
Luz started crying as Amity lowered herself next to her girlfriend. She wrapped an arm around the other girl, pulling her close.
“You’re not weak, Luz,” Amity said, holding the girl in her arms. “And you’re not selfish either.”
“But I…” Luz cut herself off, unable to form the words. Instead she started crying harder, leaning into Amity’s arms even more.
Amity squeezed Luz tight. “You’re amazing, Luz. Both of us have been through so much and I don’t…” Amity choked on her words. “If you die, if you take your life-”
Luz squeezed Amity back. Amity continued to try and speak, though her words came out as a garbled mess. “Luz Noceda, I swear…Don’t you dare do this to me-”
“I won’t,” Luz mumbled, her arms still wrapped around Amity’s. “I couldn’t.”
Amity sniffles, her crying calming down a bit. “But you wanted to.”
“I did.”
The two girls sat there, in the forest, still crying, neither of them knowing what to say. Because what does one say when your girlfriend is crying in the middle of the woods on the brink of taking their own life? Is there really much to say?
Luz knew that Amity knew she wasn’t taking her medication. She knew Amity knew, and she knew Amity was going to try and stop her. And maybe that’s all she wanted. For someone to cry with her until their eyes were red and swollen. For someone to tell her she needed them there.
And that’s what she got.
So why did being alive still hurt so much?