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Following him out of the ballroom was not the first mistake of her stay at Aubrey Hall. Yet, Kate supposed it was the greatest mistake she had made this night. Or was it agreeing to dance with him? Or revealing her plan to return to India?
Kate could barely grasp onto a single thought while Lord Bridgerton stood so closely. His breath ghosted her cheek.
“Say you do not care for me,” he whispered, voice low. Her heart hammered from her chest to her throat as he continued. “Tell me you feel nothing, and I will walk away.”
She had never felt so lightheaded. Off-kilter. Conflicted. Her inner voice screamed at her to push him away, but her entire body fought to press herself closer. To revel in the heat of his frame.
“I feel…” Tell him you feel nothing, Kathani. Tell him, now. “I feel…”
A knock at the door disrupted the intensity of the moment and they both leapt away from one another. There was another rapid knock along with Lady Bridgerton’s voice, “Anthony? Dearest, are you in there?”
They waited, panicked, until they heard her footsteps disappear.
“Oh, this is not —” Kate shook her head and pressed a hand on her diaphragm, trying to will some air into her body. “This is insupportable. We cannot continue this, this —”
“This what?” Lord Bridgerton pushed, his eyes wide. “What is this, between us, Miss Sharma?”
They stood apart waiting for the other to speak first. Enough. Enough of this.
“You will end your courtship with Edwina, immediately, my lord. You will release her from this farce of a courtship.”
He sighed deeply, and pressed his fingers along his brow. “It is my duty —”
“My sister fancies herself in love with you, my lord!” Kate scolded, and he dropped his hands and flinched at the accusation. “If not presently, then eventually. She genuinely believes that if she plays her part as a doting wife, love will follow. Despite your coded language. Despite your description of duties. Marriage, courtship. To Edwina, a man only offers such things if he has strong affection for a woman.”
Anthony looked at her and Kate tried to communicate her desperation through her eyes. Begged him to see the truth in her plea.
Kate continued, nearly shaking. “She is young and naive and – and it is my fault for putting such falsehoods of romance in her mind —”
“Please Miss Sharma, do not —”
“And as such, I must rectify my failure. Tell her, plainly, that you are not marrying for love. And please, let her down gently. Please, Lord Bridgerton.” Kate’s throat tightened and she took a deep breath, “ Anthony .”
His mouth parted at the use of his given name, and Kate wondered if she pushed too far. For a man who swore off love, Lord Bridgerton wore his feelings on his face rather plainly. His expression flitted from surprise to confusion to resignation. He shifted his gaze to his feet, and Kate felt relief she hadn’t felt in weeks.
“Very well. I will speak to her before you leave in the morning.”
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Thank you.”
When she opened her eyes, she saw his gaze back on her. It was piercing and intense, nearly stealing her breath again. She watched the muscle in his jaw twitch, and Kate had the urge to sooth the tension with her hand. To tell him that all will be easier once they part.
“Goodnight, my lord.” She turned and walked out of his study, walking straight to her lodgings. Only allowing any tears to fall once the door to the room shut behind her.
“I do not understand,” Edwina said, face falling, “Did I do something?”
Anthony had never felt like such a cad as he sat across from Miss Edwina, her looking more her age than ever before. Her eyes were wide and glassy. He pressed his right thumb into his left palm and held back a rueful laugh at his own expense. Anthony swallowed and glanced over Miss Edwina’s shoulder to meet Daphne’s gaze. The Duchess did not even pretend she was not aware of the underlying reason she was chaperoning his private conversation with the debutante. It was clear to her as soon as Anthony spoke to her without their mother closeby. His sister’s expression encouraged him to continue.
“Miss Edwina,” Anthony sighed, “You have done everything perfectly. A true diamond. I fear it was my own bullheadedness that has put us in this position. I thought…I thought I made my intentions clear at Lady Danbury’s soiree. I cannot give you love. And I do not think that is what you truly desire. And it certainly is not what you deserve.”
She shook her head and tried to smile, “Lord Bridgerton, I heard what you said that night. You were honest with me.”
“The number of years that would have passed in our marriage would not signify. Certainly, admiration and high-esteem would develop. However…” Anthony swallowed, unsure if there was a way to word his truth without it sounding harsh.
“However?” She pushed and he cleared his throat and closed his eyes. The memory of Kate standing in front of him flashed before him, urging him to end it.
“I decided to court the Queen’s diamond before you were even named. Feelings of love and romance. Of passion…They were never going to blossom between us. I — I am deeply sorry, Miss Edwina, for any falsehoods made in my pursuits.”
He watched as tears welled in her eyes. Not knowing what to do, he pulled out his handkerchief and offered it to her. She looked at it and let out a slight laugh.
“Even now you are a perfect gentleman,” she muttered and guilt pressed his chest.
Shaking his head, he replied, “I am unsure a perfect gentleman would act as I have acted thus far.”
At that, Daphne sighed and walked toward them. Any pretense of ignoring their conversation dropped as she sat beside Edwina and held her hand.
“Miss Edwina, may I offer some advice? From one diamond to another?”
After a nod, Daphne pursed her lips and took a deep breath. “As young women, we are taught only how to attract a proper husband. We practice smiling a certain way. Embroidery. Dancing. Unfortunately, all of these lessons are the opposite of what one needs to find true love. If what you desire is a love match, you must forgo your years of training.”
“Why?” Edwina answered, brows furrowed. In truth, neither did Anthony and he studied his sister’s face. Daphne’s eyes glazed over momentarily, her mind in the past, before smiling softly to herself and returning to the present.
“For it will not matter if you are the perfect dancer or fluent in three languages. Because to allow someone to love you is to completely reveal your true self to another person. Your flaws, your fears. Odd quirks. You must trust that they will love you for all of it.”
Edwina’s eyes widened and Anthony felt a pit in his stomach form as well. Fortunately, Daphne’s focus was on the young woman in front of her. “I wish someone had told me that before my debut last season. I thought love would simply fall into my lap. Especially as the proclaimed Diamond. As it were, love rather snuck up on me in the most unexpected way. It was also tremendously difficult to navigate. It still is, at times…But it is worth it.”
They sat in silence, aware of the ticking clock nearby which signaled the near end of this conversation. Anthony knew his sister well enough. She was saying all of this for his benefit as well. It sounded dreadful, baring one’s soul to another, all for love. Love, an emotion that had the power to destroy a person whether or not they deserved such retribution.
Her words did not sway his opinion though…They did, bring about thoughts of the night he shared with Kate, talking about his father as well hers. How peaceful it had felt, to be so understood with so few words.
“Thank you, your Grace,” Edwina said, standing up to curtsy. “I appreciate your honesty. As well as yours, Lord Bridgerton.”
Neither of them were able to look at the other, but Anthony still stood and bowed. “You will find what you are looking for, Miss Edwina. I am sure of it.”
At that, she gave a somewhat reluctant smile and made her way out of the room. Daphne watched her leave and eyed Anthony carefully. She walked toward him and placed a hand on his arm.
“It was the right thing to do, brother.”
“Yes,” Anthony replied, feeling oddly bereft. “I suppose so, sister.”
Edwina remained quiet on the carriage ride back to Mayfair. All she had said to them before their departure was that the Viscount ended the courtship. That the Duchess promised to sway the rumors in her favor to preserve her good reputation. That she was fine, and wished to not speak of it anymore.
Kate waited until Lady Danbury and her mama both fell asleep before she spoke.
“Are you alright, Bon? Truly?” Her chest tightened at the frown on her younger sister’s face, guilt twisting her stomach. Edwina turned her gaze away from the window.
“I am not heartbroken, like I thought I would be. Rather, I am…reassessing what I thought to be true.”
“You did nothing wrong, Bon.”
“Lord Bridgerton said much the same.”
At that, Kate felt relief that he took heed of her words from the night before. It was quickly followed by another twist of guilt.
Tracing a pattern on her skirt Edwina continued speaking, “The Duchess said something similar as well. They were both rather honest. Surprisingly, so.” She sighed and smiled softly. Somehow looking older and entirely too young at the same time. “I will be well, Didi. We shall shed no more tears over Lord Bridgerton.”
Edwina leaned over and gently squeezed Kate’s hand. Kate smiled weakly, and Edwina went back to staring at the countryside. Unaware of how her words hit Kate so squarely in the chest.
Three days.
He made it three days without jumping onto his horse to race after Miss Sharma. Of course, two of those days were spent at Aubrey Hall finishing some work with his tenants. The third was spent in a carriage on its way back to Mayfair. Still, Anthony reasoned while riding through Hyde Park at the break of dawn, he could have forsaken his work and made his way back to the city immediately after she left.
So. He did in fact exert some restraint. He could have stormed over to Lady Danbury’s house to call on Miss Sharma as soon as he arrived last night. Instead, he had dinner at Bridgerton House, worked again, and went back to his lodgings.
Really, Anthony showed great restraint considering he could think of nothing else since he watched her carriage leave Aubrey Hall. Considering he could hardly think straight in his study, the memory of their last moment there so vivid, it haunted his dreams.
Against his better judgment, Anthony could not resist reuniting with Miss Sharma. There was no way around it. He needed to speak to her again. He needed to hear her voice. He would not be able to go through his typical responsibilities without a respite from their separation.
He rode his steed through the park, following the same trail where she first raced past him. He briefly wondered if he had repressed his need to see her too much, as Anthony felt abnormally anxious that morning. It wasn’t until he caught sight of her riding cloak as he rode into the more densely wooded area that Anthony felt he could breathe properly again. His stomach began to settle as he neared. The tightness of his chest finally loosened.
Kate. Kate. Kate.
Dear God, what is happening to me?
“Miss Sharma,” Anthony said, quietly. He saw her shoulders tense at his voice, and was desperate to see her face again. She turned to look at him, surprise and outrage clear across her expression. It made him grin, like the fool he had become.
“Lord Bridgerton,” she said, brows furrowed, “You cannot be serious.”
He feigned confusion. “I am afraid I do not know what you mean.”
She pursed her lips in consternation. “You know exactly what I mean, my lord.”
“Can a man not take a morning ride? I spent most of yesterday cooped up in a carriage.”
“And you chose this park?”
Anthony made his way closer to her, worried that if he moved too quickly she would run away. He suppressed his grin, quite poorly based on Kate’s increased irritation.
“Well, I have always ridden in this park. Along this trail. It is usually clear of anyone else, you see. It is most peaceful.” He paused. “Do you not think so, Miss Sharma?”
Kate huffed, frustrated. “You are infuriating.”
“I believe the same could be said of you.”
They eyed each other until she nudged her horse forward. Anthony quickly matched her pace and they rode in silence. He studied her profile.
The loose braid allowed the sunlight to reveal notes of red and brown in her hair. Her skin glowed. Yet, it was impossible to miss the bags around her eyes. She was tired. Likely not sleeping well.
“Why are you here, my lord?” Kate asked, exasperated. “And do not tell me it is simply a morning ride in the park. You sought me out.”
There was no point in lying. Not anymore. “Yes, I did.”
“For what reason, then? To apologize? It is not necessary. I assure you, my sister is not heartbroken. She is…more subdued.” Kate furrowed her brows even more, as though talking through the change for herself. She shook her head. “But she is well. If anything, she has matured. Been made less ignorant of the way society works.”
“I am genuinely glad to hear it,” Anthony replied, quickly. “Though it would never have worked between us, I have grown to admire her. She rather reminds me of Eloise and Francesca.”
Kate glanced at him, taking note of his purposeful comparison to his younger sisters. He held her gaze and after a moment, she stopped her horse. Waiting for him to answer her question.
“We did not finish our conversation. At the Hearts and Flowers ball.” Her eyes widened and his bravado began to fall. He pushed himself to at least finish what he started. “I do not…This pull between us. I do not know what it is, nor what to make of it. What I do know, is that it is no simple infatuation. It will not pass in due time as it is too powerful. Too intoxicating. I cannot find the strength to resist it. It is maddening how much you consume my very being.” Anthony took a breath, exhaling quickly. “I will stay true to my word. I will leave you alone if you truly feel nothing in return. However, I must know if I am alone in this, this desperation. Please, Miss Sharma. Do not toy with me, and speak plainly. Please.”
It was unusual to see Kate so unmoored, Anthony realized. She had always been so collected, so ready to spar, but now — her eyes were wide, and her lips parted, shocked and surprisingly afraid. She looked at him as if he’d unleashed a curse that would swallow the entire Earth, rather than admit ardent feelings of passion. Finally, after a prolonged silence, her face became slightly guarded once again. She took a deep breath, and pursed her lips, glancing around her as though expecting her sister to jump out from behind a bush.
Raising her gaze, Anthony saw her fortitude return, despite her forlorn expression.
“You are not alone in this…situation, my lord,” she said softly, “I often find myself thinking back to our first race here. Wondering what may have happened if we had met again at the conservatory only a few moments earlier. Or perhaps a few moments later. Perhaps, we would have found ourselves with an entirely different outcome.”
He brought his horse closer, lost in the layers of the present moment. How her anguish matched his own. The joy in finally knowing that she yearned for him as well. The relief that he was not entirely alone in this maddening ordeal he had created for himself. The incredible urge to wrap her into his arms and press his face into her hair. The thoughts and feelings passed quickly in a swirling mass around them, and only them.
Anthony could not change his actions from before, though he wished desperately that he could.
“I have no means of going back to before, Miss Sharma,” he said, “But perhaps, at least while we are here in these woods, we can try again. Start over, from the beginning.” She looked at him, confused, and he continued with a teasing grin, “You are simply a lady taking a morning ride. I am a handsome gentleman who has crossed your path.”
At that, Kate let out an amused scoff and Anthony’s grin widened. Encouraged, Anthony continued to paint the picture, “I have just seen you racing through the park, entirely too fast. I assumed you must be running away from some terror. Or maybe you have lost your lady’s maid.”
“Then I would tell you that you need to meet more accomplished women riders.” Kate lifted her chin and smirked, “Though I suppose that is more the fault of your country than yourself.”
“And I would gladly take the reprieve and then compliment you on your excellent horsemanship.”
They smiled at one another, Anthony feeling relief at her amusement. And then, Kate nodded and cleared her throat.
“I suppose…Should we cross paths again, you may pace your ride alongside my own.”
Anthony’s heart hammered in his chest, feeling near giddy at the indulgence she was offering. She was offering time. Time to start anew. To have another chance.
“Well then.” He tipped his hat and moved his horse away. “Until we cross paths, miss.”
Kate bowed her head, “Until then, my lord.”
She took off, turning back toward Mayfair while Anthony stayed where he was, relishing the freshness of a new day.
“You did not!”
“I did,” Anthony said, proudly and Kate laughed.
“Oh, I cannot imagine the look on Lady Danbury’s face.”
“She was enraged, to say the least. The comparison to a dragon had never been so apt.”
“Well, you are the one who destroyed her precious rose bushes.”
“I was eight!”
“Excuses, my lord. Excuses.”
“So you were a perfect angel at the tender age of eight?”
Kate hummed. “I did not make such a claim. I once dumped a rather large lassi on the head of another palace worker’s child.”
“And what did the offender do?”
“The boy claimed that I could not possibly be able to hunt with my father as girls are too weak to even handle a long walk through the woods.”
“Ah, so he deserved it.”
“Quite right.”
Silently, they agreed to not speak of the responsibilities. Kate avoided speaking of Edwina as much as possible. Anthony never mentioned finding a wife or begetting an heir, which Kate appreciated. She tried not to think of their lives outside of their serene mornings.
He made her laugh more than she expected, and vice versa. Lord Bridgerton was awfully charming, and she disliked how much she enjoyed his charms. Kate began to notice how his eyes crinkled when he regaled her with stories about his youngest siblings, Hyacinth and Gregory. Kate admired how thoughtful and careful he was when it came to his parliamentary duties. He was passionate about honor and his family.
He surprised her. Lord Bridgerton, despite appearances, was incredibly caring and gentle.
She saw it in the way he asked questions about her well-being and how affronted he was by the conditions of her passage from India. Kate found herself feeling badly for judging him so harshly before. And feeling more and more admiration for the man she was beginning to know better than anyone else.
“Alexander.”
“Alexander?”
“You do not think it fits my demeanor?”
“It is rather plain.”
Anthony laughed. “I will take that as praise then.”
“Anthony fits you. That is what I will say.”
He had not heard her speak his name since Aubrey Hall. It sounded lovely. “What about you? Why the name Kate?”
She smiled. “Kate is not my true name. My name is Kathani. A Tamil name given by my birth mother. Kate is a shortened name chosen by my sister when she was rather young. Our names were too dissimilar, apparently.”
“Hm.”
“Yes?”
“It is very like you to take a name for your sister. That is all I will say.”
They rode in silence.
He grinned. “Kathani.”
“Anthony.”
He was acting differently. It was rather unavoidable, despite Anthony’s efforts to hide his clandestine meetings in the woods. His mornings changed the way he carried himself throughout the day. He found certain irritations easier to bear. His long list of tasks was not as taxing when he could look forward to the next morning. During dull parliamentary meetings, he was able to think back to his pleasant morning himself rather than dread the next hour.
Anthony simply felt lighter. Warmer. More excited to wake up and go about his days.
They had yet to speak about it, what it meant that they saw each other every morning. That they both felt a strong attraction toward one another. Certainly there was a spark, a pull. However, Anthony was not even sure Kate held any significant affection for him.
There was no doubt in his mind. Anthony could not claim his feelings as simply desire any longer. He craved Kate’s opinions. He wanted to make her laugh. He wished to fix any and all of her problems, even though Kate would never let him treat her as such.
He could no longer pretend she aggravated him. Kate Sharma turned his world on its head. The future he planned, the one he so clearly envisioned the day after his father’s burial, was now a distant memory.
And still — despite his world shifting beneath his feet — Anthony came to realize he much preferred this future. This change in pathways. How could he not? For this new path, despite its haziness, included Kate. And a path without her was not for Anthony.
“Did you happen to see the results of the latest races?”
“You really do enjoy winning, do you not Miss Sharma?”
“Well, I have yet to truly experience a loss, so I suppose I have nothing to compare this feeling to, my lord.”
Anthony let out a loud laugh and Kate let out a chuckle. They looked at each other.
“High Flier is becoming a well-decorated steed. My congratulations to you,” he said, still smiling. “Perhaps you could teach me how you place your bets for any future race.”
“And risk losing? I think not. Stroking my ego will do you no favors, Lord Bridgerton.”
Anthony barely attempted to repress his large grin.
“Did I say something amusing?”
“No, not at all. Your words prompted a different line of thought, that is all.”
“And you do not wish to tell me what it was?”
“Oh, quite the contrary. However, propriety dictates that I do not share such thoughts in front of a lady.”
Kate blushed, and her eyes widened. After a moment, she pursed her lips and schooled her expression once more. She smirked.
“Too right. It is why I shall refrain from sharing any similar thoughts with you, my lord.” At that he turned his head toward her quickly, and she bowed her head. Her smile coy. “Until tomorrow, Lord Bridgerton.”
“Good God, Ant. Are you whistling ?”
Anthony froze, feeling the purse of his lips he’d unconsciously started a few moments ago. He relaxed his face and lowered the newspaper in front of him. His siblings all stared at him in fascination and slight horror. Eloise was fully grimacing.
“What has happened to you?” she asked.
“I did not realize it was criminal for me to whistle. Apologies. God forbid I have a tune stuck in my head.”
“You never have tunes stuck in your head,” Eloise argued. Anthony scoffed.
“It is something that happens to everyone. I am not immune to such things.”
“I have always been under the impression that such frivolities could not linger in your mind. For they may distract you from your never ending list of duties,” Colin said, tilting his head.
“Having a tune stuck in one’s head is different from whistling a jolly song as you peruse the paper,” Benedict added. “You are…in good spirits.”
“Impossible,” Eloise countered and Hyacinth looked up from her cake.
“If you are in good spirits, perhaps we can discuss the possibility of getting a dog for the house. Dogs have been known to add even more joy to a household!”
“Is that so?” Anthony asked, feigning interest. “I have always heard that dogs are known to add hair and dirt rather than joy.”
“Well that is no different than what Gregory adds to the house.”
“And what do you add Hy? Other than complaints and poor pianoforte skills?”
Eloise let out a snicker which then egged on the bickering, allowing Anthony to cover his face with the paper once more.
He heard chairs moving toward him and he rolled his eyes.
“You have been in good spirits for the last two weeks or so.”
Anthony dropped the paper again and was face-to-face with Benedict and Colin.
“Yes it is rather odd,” Colin said, supporting Benedict’s previous statement. “Why would you be in better spirits when you have ended your courtship with the only debutante you have deemed worthy enough to marry.”
“Though I admire Miss Edwina very much, it was simply not the right fit. She wants a love match. I do not think the role of Viscountess aligned with her demeanor. At least, not with you all to manage.”
And it was true. Upon reflection, Miss Edwina had lacked the commanding presence and toughness required to corral all of the Bridgertons. It was the fault of all the debutantes of that season. They were too young. Too unprepared for what his family required.
“That still does not explain your cheerful mood, brother,” Benedict pushed. “You should be seething. Interviewing more young ladies. And yet, here you are, whistling over your biscuits and tea.”
They were all quiet and Anthony furrowed his brow, trying to discern the thoughts of his younger brothers. Colin broke the silence first.
“Is it possible…that you have found someone new?”
He clenched his jaw and took a sip of tea. As he folded the paper into his lap, eyes on making the creases sharp, Anthony replied, “You do know it is not actually necessary that I marry. Any heir you two may have is able to hold the viscountcy.”
At that their faces dropped in shock. Benedict shook his head. “What? You have never…” He blinked and sat up. “Are you truly considering leaving the viscountcy to one of our children?”
“I f we should ever have children,” Colin interjected.
Benedict continued quietly, “You have always proclaimed it your duty to beget an heir —”
“I am merely stating a fact,” Anthony said, curtly. He crossed his legs and folded his hands in his lap. “The line does not end with me. Gregory could marry and have the heir, for all we know.”
His brothers blinked at him, in a stupor.
“What in the devil has come over you?” Colin asked. “You are speaking as though you are an entirely different person. Are you well?”
Anthony had not genuinely considered this reality, but it had been burgeoning in the back of his mind. A realization he was slowly starting to accept as his truth.
The only woman he could ever marry swore to leave the country as soon as her obligation was done. Of course, Anthony was aware of the obvious solution. He could simply propose to her. Beg her to marry him. It was what he thought of at the end of every ride they shared.
And though he desperately wanted to know whether she reciprocated his adoration, he could not bring himself to ask. He could not stomach a complete rejection of his company. He could not bear the thought of her running away entirely, losing whatever she was willing to give.
Anthony gave a stiff smile. “I am well. No need to worry yourselves about my marriage prospects.”
Before either could respond, their mother walked in the door and chided them for not being ready for their promenade by the Serpentine. They all groaned and she sternly reminded them they were preventing any potential rumors post-courtship, manipulating all of the honor they felt toward protecting one another.
And so, they hurriedly readied themselves and took two carriages to the park and quickly attempted to find something to amuse themselves while their mother socialized with the other families. Under the tent their footmen arranged, the siblings began teasing and bickering with one another as they often did, enjoying their time together.
“Children! Look who has stopped by to join us.”
They all looked up and saw Lady Danbury arrive with the Sharmas. Anthony immediately looked toward Kate, stunning in a purple dress and a few locks of hair framing her face. Purple must be a favorite color , he mused. He had noted only a few days ago that she wore a purple dressing gown underneath her riding cloak. Perhaps he should bring some lilacs tomorrow.
“Lord Bridgerton,” Miss Edwina said with a polite smile as she curtsied. He returned her address, bowing his head, and hesitantly assessed her demeanor. She did not seem to hate him. Perhaps she hid it well.
“I do hope you are doing well,” he said, trying to imbue as much sincerity as he could. Her face softened and he felt relief.
“Thank you, my lord. I appreciate your kindness…” She lowered her voice, “As well as your prior kindness at your family home. I have taken your words, as well as your sister’s, to heart.”
He nodded, his throat a little tight. He was unused to being so open with his emotions in front of others. He had not yet even discussed their private conversation with anyone other than Daphne.
Clearing his throat he stepped away from Miss Edwina to allow his siblings to make their greetings. And if his sidestep led him to stand beside Miss Sharma, then so be it.
He kept his eyes down at first, to avoid any attention, before slowly bringing them to her face. Pausing to admire the scooped neckline of her dress.
When he finally met her eye line, it was clear she knew exactly where he had been looking. Her eyebrow was arched, but he could see she was trying to hide her amusement as well.
Anthony grinned. “Miss Sharma.”
“Lord Bridgerton.”
He continued to admire her, grinning even more at the way her breathing deepened. Her cheeks flushed with the intensity. She pursed her lips and he nearly chuckled at her annoyance.
Under her breath, she whispered, “You must stop.”
His eyes raked over her again, taking a deep inhale, suddenly overwhelmed by her lily-scented perfume. When he released his breath he shook his head. “It is you. You must stop.”
She let out a deep breath and shook her head back, one cheek sucked in to repress a smile. Kate looked down at her hands to readjust her gloves, and Anthony felt someone near them.
“I hope my brother is not vexing you too terribly, Miss Sharma,” Colin pestered.
Anthony rolled his eyes. He glanced toward Colin and caught the way his brother was glancing at them curiously. Their earlier conversation was evidently on Colin’s mind as he observed their stances. Anthony huffed, annoyed. Fortunately, Kate was unconcerned.
“Not yet, Mr. Bridgerton, though there are many more hours in the day. We shall see what may come.”
Colin laughed lightly and began inquiring over Miss Sharma’s menace of a dog. Anthony drifted in and out of the conversation as he scanned the Bridgerton tent. Miss Edwina and Eloise were chatting over the book that Eloise had brought with her, Benedict listening intently. Lady Mary and Mother spoke quietly with genuine smiles. Hyacinth and Gregory played with Newton, rubbing his belly and feeding him treats.
The two families simply…fit. He imagined what it would be like to have the Sharmas visit their house for tea. Imagined how Kate would win the hearts of every Bridgerton just as she had won his —
Anthony stiffened at his line of thought. Good Lord.
He swallowed, and glanced at Kate nervously, as if she had the power to read his every thought. Just as he did, however, Lady Danbury appeared by Kate’s side and tugged gently at her elbow. They bent their heads close to one another and Anthony watched the way Kate’s shoulder tensed more and more. Her posture was entirely too rigid, and he felt the aggravation radiate off her person.
He furrowed his brows and went to them, unable to restrain himself when it came to Kate expressing any sort of distress.
“Lady Danbury,” he said, announcing his presence.
Lady Danbury turned toward him with her brow so arched he nearly took a step back. She lifted her chin and studied him too closely. He wondered if Lady Danbury had been reading his thoughts, rather than Kate.
“Lord Bridgerton. Lovely weather today, is it not?”
“Yes, indeed.” Before he could subtly inquire after Kate, Lady Danbury interjected with a wide smile.
“Ah! Mr. Dorset!”
He turned around sharply and quickly pieced together what was happening. Anthony felt a surge of rage and possessiveness. No, he thought, watching Dorset bow toward Kate. Absolutely not.
“Dorset!” Anthony stated, entirely too loud. From the corner of his eye, he saw his mother and siblings flinch at the decibel. “What a surprise to see you here today. I do not often see you on a promenade.”
Dorset smiled, “You are correct. I do not often come out for such events. However,” Dorset paused, looking at Kate causing Anthony to fume even more. “I was hoping to persuade Miss Sharma to join me on a turn around the lake.”
Kate glanced toward Anthony quickly then replied with grace, “I am rather tired.”
Lady Danbury raised her own voice. “She would be delighted! ”
The woman nearly pushed Kate toward Dorset, only for Anthony to step between them.
“If Miss Sharma is tired, I do believe it would be best that she rest under the shade of our tent.” He turned toward Dorset, challengingly. Tilting his head he posited, “Or do you believe your wants are more important than the young lady’s needs? Rather ungentlemanly, Dorset.”
Dorset and Kate’s eyes widened at his interference.
Anthony smiled, smug. “Come, Miss Sharma.”
He placed a hand on her elbow to guide her back to the tent, but she yanked her arm away. Kate glowered at him. “Lord Bridgerton, I do not need you to speak for me.”
“I am not the one speaking for you, Miss Sharma. I rather think I am advocating for you.” Anthony did not understand. Why was she upset? He was saving her from Lady Danbury’s meddling. “You said you were tired.”
“I am able to make my own decisions, my lord. I do not need a man to dictate my actions.”
“I was not dictating your actions,” Anthony said, jaw clenched in frustration. Why must she always disagree? “You are certainly free to exhaust yourself, I suppose. Pardon me for attempting to make you more comfortable.”
Kate raised her chin, rather similarly to Lady Danbury only a few moments ago, and smiled at Dorset. “We can keep the pace of the boat ride gentle, can we not Mr. Dorset?”
Dorset’s mouth opened and closed rather foolishly. “Well, of course Miss Sharma. Though, I do not want to pressure —”
“Perfect!” Kate interrupted, smiling sweetly. “A slow turn around the lake sounds most relaxing.”
She placed her hand in the crook of his elbow and Anthony felt the vein on his forehead to throb in agitation.
“Miss Sharma!” Anthony started, but Kate’s voice overtook his own.
“Ah! There is an available boat right there.” She practically pulled Dorset toward it, the man glancing back toward Anthony in confusion.
Anthony stood there in shock and anger. His hands were clenched so tightly into fists, his nails dug into his palms. He took a few steps as though to follow them, but was stopped by Benedict’s hand on his shoulder.
“Careful now, Brother,” Benedict said quietly through a smile, “They are watching.”
He guided Anthony back toward the tent and it was only then that he realized how his behavior must have appeared. His face went hot with embarrassment as his eyes scanned the tent though careful to avoid his mother’s own warning gaze.
“Ah, I knew you would vex her eventually, Anthony!” Colin said, laughing. He looked toward the Sharmas and winked. “Always reliable, this one.”
Anthony swallowed, and looked toward the Sharmas as well. He grimaced at the curious and knowing gaze of Miss Edwina. She narrowed her eyes at him and smirked before turning away.
“Miss Eloise, have you read any books about archaeology? It is an incredibly fascinating field of study. The history of civilizations before us is enlightening. I just visited a museum exhibit on the topic with my mama. We saw fossilized remains!”
“Fossilized remains?!” Hyacinth exclaimed from her spot beside Newton. “Real ones?”
The conversation quickly turned toward the museum exhibition, and Anthony felt a flush of relief at the distraction. He nodded when Miss Edwina met his gaze a few moments later. She smiled, kindly, and he was struck by how much she reminded him of his own meddling, younger sister.
Their conversation was lovely. Mr. Dorset, all things kind. Yet, her mind wandered back to Anthony. Kate glanced toward the tent, only to see him glowering in their direction. Foolish, vexing man, she thought. Foolish, vexing man who cannot control how much he wishes to have my attention all to himself.
His admiration of her was entirely too obvious. He had to stop.
She did not want him to stop, not ever…But he had to stop.
“I have known Lord Bridgerton long enough to discern when he is in a competitive spirit,” Mr. Dorset said. Kate turned toward him. “He is vying for your affection.”
He stated it so matter-of-factly, that Kate knew that any denial on her part would be an obvious lie. She turned her head again, spotting Anthony once more nearing the docks with his younger siblings and Newton. Turning back to Mr. Dorset, Kate simply nodded. He narrowed his eyes, and then nodded.
“Pardon me. He is not vying for your affection, is he?”
At that, Kate scoffed. Her refusal on the tip of her tongue. Only to stop herself. Instead, she leaned back against the back of her seat and folded her hands in her lap.
“I apologize for putting you between our argument,” Kate said, avoiding his question altogether yet confirming his suspicions. “I did not want to mislead you by saying yes, but then…well. I do not take commands very well.” She was slightly chagrined by her behavior, though the man across from her showed no judgment.
“It is quite alright, Miss Sharma. You did try to deter my advances. However, your hostess was rather intent on us conversing this afternoon. In truth, I am surprised at her restraint. I expected her to push Lord Bridgerton aside with her cane.”
Kate laughed, not expecting such a visual from mild mannered Mr. Dorset. He laughed along with her, both of them more relaxed than before. He paused his rowing for a moment and looked at her.
“I hope all the best for your future, Miss Sharma.”
“Thank you. You are most kind. I am not sure Lord Bridgerton and I…” Kate swallowed, then shook her head. “Well. Either way. Thank you.”
“I know the rules of English society are rather restrictive. The Ton can be quite ruthless in their gossip mongering. However, if there are any two people who deserve happiness and respite, I believe them to be you and Lord Bridgerton.”
His words brought Kate back to the night in Anthony’s study. She shared her dislike of storms. He shared the cause of his panic when they had encountered a bee. All of the responsibilities they have shouldered from such a young age. Perhaps, Mr. Dorset was correct. Perhaps it was time Kate allowed herself a respite.
He watched Dorset bring the boat back to the dock. He watched as Kate smiled widely at a comment Dorset made. Her laughter with another man — well. Anthony lost his grasp on any common sense at that point.
It was not as though they were engaged. It was not as though they were even publicly courting. Or courting, at all. Anthony was upset, petulant, and out of his wits.
And somehow, all of those feelings led to him falling backward onto Dorset as they stumbled into the Serpentine.
That infuriating man had the audacity to fight over a silly little knot and landed himself in the bloody Serpentine. Her jaw dropped as she watched them fall, the two younger Bridgertons already bent over laughing hysterically. As soon as the men’s heads broke the surface of the water, Kate nearly walked over and yelled at Anthony for his silly pigheadedness.
Her mouth was set to scold him. Then…well. He started to undress. Threw off his jacket and waistcoat onto the dock. Then his cravat. Then he pulled himself out of the water. It was impossible not to admire the way his white shirt clung to his frame. She could practically see the pattern of chest hair spread across his chest and down his…
Good Lord, Kathani. Close your mouth! She scolded herself, and swallowed down the surge of desire. If she only had a fan to cool her face.
Infuriating man.
A hot bath and some warm broth brought Anthony some momentary peace. Naturally, it disappeared as soon as he joined his family at the dinner table.
“Anthony! Have you warmed up enough yet?” Colin yelled down the table.
“Must you yell?” Anthony sniped. “I am close enough.”
“Oh, have your ears been cleared of water already? I assumed you would need us to yell.”
“Yes, yes – let’s get on with it, then. Let it all out.” Anthony dropped his fork and leaned back in his chair.
Eloise sat up. “Do you think Miss Sharma’s dog has a personal vendetta against you only? Or perhaps a long list of nemeses?”
“I always wondered if a monster dwelled at the bottom of the Serpentine,” Colin said. “Did you perhaps see anything whilst enjoying your swim?”
“Colin, you may be joking,” Gregory piped up, “But I do genuinely think there may be a creature down there.”
“You would believe in that sort of thing,” Hyacinth replied to which Gregory answered by throwing peas toward her
“I think Mr. Dorset rather needed the dip,” Benedict said, finally adding on to the chaos. “After Anthony attempted to incinerate the man with only his eyes the entire afternoon. Dorset likely needed to cool down.”
“Alright, children. That’s enough of that,” their mother said from the other end of the table. She pursed her lips and looked toward Anthony, and he knew she had much more to say later on. She cleared her throat, “Perhaps we can discuss the invitations we have received today? There is a musicale coming up —”
“Oh, good Lord!” Eloise groaned. “Please, decline that one.”
“No, darling, I have already accepted that invite from the Cowpers.”
At that all of them groaned and began yelling over one another. It was not until Anthony was holed up in his study once again trying to work through some ledgers.
His mother knocked lightly on the door and came in without waiting. Anthony glanced toward her and then kept his head back down. “Yes, Mother?”
She sat down across from him and tilted her head to the side. Examined him, forcing Anthony to put down his quill and meet her eyes.
“You ended your courtship with Miss Edwina because of her sister.”
He deliberated before ultimately admitting the truth. “Yes.”
“Is this a fleeting, passionate tryst? Will we need to quiet any salacious rumors?”
Anthony huffed, instantly infuriated by how much she distrusts him as well as the dilution of his feelings toward the best person he has yet to meet.
His mother spoke in a warning tone again. “Anthony…”
“Quite frankly, I do not know how to answer you, Mother,” Anthony replied sharply. “It is fleeing only if Miss Sharma deems it so. She has yet to say whether or not she plans on remaining in England once her sister is wed. On my end, however, this is not some scandalous affair. I have never —” He took a breath, and tried to calm himself. It was too late to deny the fervancy of his feelings. Not after the debacle at the park today.
“I do not know what is in my future with Miss Sharma. All I know is that should she decide to return to India, I will begin to prepare materials for your first grandson for he will not be an heir of mine.”
They sat in silence and he waited for his mother’s typical cold disapproval. Imagine his surprise when he was met with a look of disbelief and hope.
“Do you truly love her?”
He had not said the words aloud yet, and did not want his first admittance to be to his mother. Anthony nodded, instead. His mother’s eyes lit up with excitement and she sat up.
“And what did she say? When you told her of your feelings?”
At that, he shook his head. “No, I have not — There has been no declaration of any sort.”
“You have not told her, yet? Anthony! How can you expect her to stay here if she does not know your true feelings?”
“I do not want to force her —”
“Staying with the person you love does not feel like a forceful hand. Anthony.” His mother sighed softly. “You will not know how she feels unless you tell her your truth. Then she can make the choice herself. But you must understand that if she returns your affection…You must know that you are worthy of that choice. You, Anthony, are enough.”
His throat tightened at her words, for he had not realized his true fear until she spoke them. A fear of not being quite good enough.
Yet later that night, while he laid in bed, Anthony came to a jarring realization. He was not sure if he ever would be good enough, for Kate was everything good, but damn it all, Anthony so desperately wanted to try. He wanted to try to be what she deserved. It felt like the honorable thing to do. The action that would make his father most proud.
Kate waited for a comment. Anger, perhaps. A glare.
She waited on the carriage ride home. Through dinner. Her stomach in knots. Surely, someone would say something. Someone would soon direct their gaze toward her, and demand an explanation for her traitorous behavior.
She waited and waited…and nothing. Nary a mention of anything untoward. One sidelong glance from Lady Danbury when she entered the carriage from the park. Though Kate had reason to match it, what with the woman’s meddling with Mr. Dorset.
Her patience wore thin and she could not take the anxiety anymore, waiting for her punishment. Taking a breath for courage, Kate walked over to Edwina’s door and knocked softly. After hearing her voice, she poked her head through the door to see Edwina sitting on her bed, reading.
“Is everything alright?” Edwina asked, marking her page as Kate went to sit on the bed across from her. Kate shifted her eyes to her hands, wringing in her lap.
“I…Bon, I have to tell you something.”
Sensing Kate’s rare distress, Edwina took her hands and squeezed them reassuringly. “Didi, what is it? Has something happened with Mama?”
“No, no,” Kate shook her head, “It is about…It is about Lord Bridgerton. And why he did not propose at Aubrey Hall — Oh, Bon. I am so sorry, I should have…”
Her voice trailed off when she looked up. Edwina was smirking, her face full of mirth. She let out a giggle, and Kate’s eyes widened. “You are laughing?”
“Yes,” Edwina replied, giggling even more. “Apologies, Didi, but I must relieve you of your misery before this becomes entirely too somber.”
“I do not think you —”
“Oh please, Kate! The Viscount is in love with you. Do not fret, I am aware.” At Kate’s shocked expression, Edwina subdued her amusement. She leaned back on her cushions and turned more thoughtful. “I have been thinking of our time at Aubrey Hall as soon as I realized his feelings at the park today. I should have noticed it then and there, but I was too caught up in my own ideas. You two are so alike! I think it is what I like most about him. His devotion to his family is only rivaled by your own.”
They sat in silence, a flurry of thoughts raging within Kate. “You must know, Edwina, that I did not try to win his favor in this way.”
“That much was clear,” Edwina snorted. “I would say you were attempting the opposite. And yet he fell for you anyway.” She sighed, dreamily, “It is rather romantic.”
“Bon!” Kate laughed in disbelief. Was she hallucinating? “I do not understand. How are you calm? You thought you were in love with him. You expected a proposal and I ruined everything!”
“What?” Edwina sat up and furrowed her brows. “Kate. You did not ruin anything. Why would you say such a thing?”
“Because it is my fault he did not propose. At Aubrey Hall, when we almost —” Here Kate flushed, and cleared her throat. “There was a moment, during our last night…When we realized our attraction to one another…I told him to end the courtship.”
“We will come back to this supposed moment soon,” the younger sister lifted her brows, then continued, “But I must first reject the notion that you ruined anything. Kate — You cannot control your heart. And now I am free to find my own love. My own romance. Just as you have!”
Is that what was happening? Her own romance? Kate thought back to every morning she shared with the Viscount. Every laugh, every small argument. The swell of affection and warmth she felt every time they greeted one another. Only the other day she had considered the idyllic nature of their rides together. How she would give anything to have these mornings with Anthony, every day for the rest of her life.
Kate swallowed. Her voice trembled, “I do not know if he loves me, Bon. We have not made any such declarations. Our conversations have skirted thoughts of the future. We have only confirmed feelings of…passion. Lord Bridgerton does not want love.”
“Well…that might have been the case before he met you, Kate. He cannot control his heart as you cannot control yours. One thing I know to be true, is that Lord Bridgerton is a man of action. Do you recall the soireé? And if his actions today said anything…” Edwina shrugged, a coy smile on her face. “If anything, seeing his love for you has restored my own faith.”
“How do you mean?”
Edwina shrugged. “I was feeling a bit despondent after Aubrey Hall. The Duchess shared some words of wisdom regarding her own love match. She said it happened unexpectedly, which left me feeling rather adrift. For if it happened unexpectedly, how could I know it would happen at all? But seeing you and Lord Bridgerton today…” Edwina laughed. “Goodness, talk about the unexpected!”
Edwina’s laughs increased, infecting Kate with her own bout of giggles.
It felt like a night from years and years ago, when they would dream about their wedding days and the men they may meet in the future. After their laughs settled, Edwina nudged Kate with her foot.
“So. Tell me of this moment at Aubrey Hall. And all of the moments afterward because clearly you have been talking with him since then, yes?”
Kate repressed a smile. “We have met every morning since.”
“Didi!” Edwina squealed, and Kate hit her lightly with a cushion. They both laid down beside each other as Kate relayed her very first meeting with Anthony, all those weeks ago. It was the first time in years that Kate felt like Edwina’s sister only. Not a guardian, but a young lady whispering with her truest friend.
He worried that she would not meet him the following morning. After acting so boorish, Anthony worried he would have to storm into Lady Danbury’s home and risk the woman’s wrath to find Kate.
Fortunately, when he crested the final hill along his usual path, he saw Kate waiting in her usual spot. Except, rather than remaining astride her horse, he saw that Kate stood beside it, its reins tied to a nearby tree.
He matched her stance, and removed his hat. “I was not sure you would be here this morning.”
She raised her brows and tilted her head. “I feared if I did not appear you would wake up all of Danbury house. And though Lady Danbury has shown leniency with me, I do not think she would treat an early intrusion from you with much kindness.”
Anthony smiled widely at how well she knew him. How could he let her go without a fight?
“I apologize for my brutish behavior yesterday. I recognize you are your own person – I do not believe I have a right to dictate your actions.”
“Good. You should know I will not bend to any orders made by anyone, especially a man, Lord Bridgerton. I accept your apology.” After a moment, Kate’s expression softened and she sighed. “I suppose I should apologize, as well.”
“Oh?” Anthony said without hiding how pleased he was by her words. She gave him a warning look and he raised his hands.
“Perhaps I had an exaggerated response to your behavior…At least in the moment. I —” Here she looked at her gloves. “I did not want Edwina to realize our…feelings for one another. In my panic, I grew very angry with you. It was misdirected. And I should not have used Mr. Dorset in my fit either.”
The words settled around them, her admission to any mutual feelings causing Anthony’s pulse to quicken. He swallowed in an attempt to loosen the knot in his throat. “Is everything alright with your sister?”
She smiled widely, and nodded. “Yes. She and I spoke last night. All is well.”
“And what did you speak of?”
He took a few steps toward her, leaving a slight distance, not wanting to scare her. Anthony leaned his head down until he caught her eye. She was nervous. He wondered if she could see his anxiety as well.
“You must know what we spoke of, Anthony.”
“I must hear you say it.”
Kate shook her head, the small shake she did when she was uncertain or nervous. When she met his gaze, he saw her eyes were glassy and her brows were furrowed. He cupped her cheek, unable to resist comforting her, and he exhaled as she leaned into his touch.
Despite his own words, Anthony did not have the patience or the restraint to wait for her to say anything first. If anything, to alleviate any such pain from his dearest Kathani.
“I have been a coward these last weeks. No, that is not right.” He let out a self-deprecating laugh, “I have been a coward for the last ten years — swearing off love altogether. Hiding behind my misguided notions of duty. The words you overheard that night on the terrace, they were the words of a young man still recovering from his father’s death. Kate — My darling, Kathani…I love you.”
Her eyes widened. Before she could refuse, Anthony took a deep breath and pressed on, the words flowing out of him at a relentless speed, “You do not have to return it, nor do you have to accept it. And knowing you, you will not, but you must feel it. Because I do. I love you. There is no other woman I could possibly spend the rest of my life with, except for you. I do not wish to restrain you in any way, and should you decide to return to India I will accept your decision. However, I cannot let you leave without letting you know how deep my feelings are for you, Kathani Sharma. You…You are more than words can express, but I am willing to spend the rest of my life trying to find any such words that may convey how greatly I esteem you.”
Finally, Anthony stopped, his chest heaving at the weight of his words. He watched as she blinked quickly, and placed his other hand on her face to wipe away the tears from both of her cheeks. She took a deep breath, and he readied himself for heartbreak.
“If you are done speaking, my lord,” Kate gave a wobbly smile, “Then I must tell you…I love you, too.”
“You —?”
“I adore you, Anthony Bridgerton. Your arrogance and your stubbornness. Your honor and compassion. All of it, you insufferable and incorrigible man,” she laughed, and Anthony could not help but laugh with her. Kate leaned her forehead against his, and gripped his lapels tightly. Whispering, she said it again, “I love you.”
They stood like that, breathing in each other’s scent, appreciating the tranquility of this perfect moment. “Does this mean you will marry me?” Anthony asked.
“I believe you have to propose first,” Kate replied, wryly and Anthony immediately tutted.
“My goodness. I believe you are right, Miss Sharma —”
“Of course I am right. Have you not learned that already?”
He wrapped both arms around her and squeezed her tightly, releasing another laugh from both of them. Anthony shook his head.
“You are correct in that we are doing this in the incorrect order. Before any such proposal, I believe I must court you first.”
“Court me? What have you been doing these last few weeks?”
“Wooing you, of course.”
“Ha!” She barked. “Oh, of course.”
Anthony admired the glint of her eyes, and the wideness of her smile. He was eager to have the rest of society see her laugh like this, and to be the one who brought it out.
“And then,” Anthony smiled, “Once the entire ton knows of our courtship, I will propose and —”
“I will accept,” Kate interrupted.
Despite Kate’s declaration of love only moments ago, her confidence in accepting his hand nearly knocked the wind out of him. Without thought, he kissed her softly and felt her small gasp against his lips. When he tried to pull away to apologize, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him tightly against her. She raked her fingers through his hair, and he moaned when she tugged lightly.
“Perhaps we should stop,” he said, using an incredibly amount of self-control he had not known existed. Naturally, Kate upended it immediately.
“Perhaps we should go to a more secluded corner of the woods instead. If we are to be courting publicly, should we not savor this time alone now?”
At that, Anthony gladly admitted Miss Sharma was indeed, always right.
The Ton was rather scandalized at first, when Lord Bridgerton escorted Miss Sharma on a promenade. They were even more scandalized when the Viscount danced three dances with the lady at the Trowbridge ball.
Then, the stares and whispers faded as the days passed for it was clear that Lord Bridgerton and Miss Sharma were inseparable.
And so, when Lord Bridgerton proposed to Miss Sharma weeks later, it was not really so shocking. For what else should happen when a young lady and a handsome gentleman fall in love?