Chapter Text
Paradise was everything Thomas had imagined it to be, yet somehow it seemed dull. What was the point of being in paradise if Newt wasn’t here with him. It has been one day off from exactly one month in paradise, the other boys, Minho and Frypan, were starting to return to some kind of normality. At least, as normal as they knew how to be. Gally was a different story, Thomas could tell he felt outcasted, like he didn’t belong anymore. Thomas knew the haunted look in his eyes all too well. Minho had been trying to bring the both of them out of their shells, to Thomas that seemed impossible when the shell is all that’s left.
They’d planned a celebration, ‘one month free of WICKED’, Brenda had been the one to suggest the idea. Minho had begged him to show up, to try and have fun, he agreed though it felt against his will. He figured he could show up or be dragged by his ears.
Thomas was unsure of how long he’d been rooted to the beach, unmoving. But, as his thoughts subsided he realized the sun was no longer in his eyes, and the heat had been replaced with a cool breeze. It must have been a few hours at least. He decided it would be best to try and get some sleep before the following day's activities, however, as he went to stand the sound of sand shifting under the weight of feet could be heard.
He whirled around, already preparing for a fight. It crossed his mind that he might never feel safe anywhere. His eyes landed on a tall figure, black shaggy hair covering his eyes. He raised his arms as a sign he meant no harm, and continued on his track towards Thomas.
Thomas returned his gaze to the sea as he felt the presence of someone sitting down beside him. A long, tired sigh left him as he prepared for the lecture about to come.
“Hey Gally,” he said, the exhaustion clear in his voice.
“Hey,” His response was barely audible and Thomas could hear it in his voice that he hadn’t been getting much sleep either. The silence returned, only broken by the sound of waves and the occasional cricket. Thomas waited for the reprimanding that never came.
“If you’re gonna lecture me could you just get it over with?” Thomas asked, his voice laced with annoyance. “Why would I lecture you?” Again almost too quiet to hear.
“If you aren’t gonna lecture me then why are you here?” He didn’t mean for it to come out as harsh as it did but he was tired, and Gally didn’t seem to notice or care.
“I couldn’t sleep.” was the only response he got before the peaceful silence returned. It stunned him for a second, the fact that Gally was openly admitting he was struggling. Anyone with eyes could see he wasn’t okay, but Thomas thought he would die before admitting any kind of weakness. Especially to him.
The silence had become suffocating to Thomas, “do you ever wish,” he paused, considering getting up and leaving, in his peripheral he could see Gally turn to look at him, “do you ever wish you could go back? Ya know change the past, do it differently?” He heard Gally’s breath catch when he asked the question.
“Ya, I do,” The response was short but he could tell Gally had more to say, perhaps he was now the one considering leaving. “There is so much I would change, but…” he sighed heavily and full of frustration, “I mean, what’s the point of living with regret, at least that’s what Minho keeps telling me. God, I can’t go a day without thinking of every mistake I made. There is gallons of blood on my hands and there is nothing I can do to fix it…” Thomas realized he wasn’t just talking about Chuck now. He wondered how many ghosts were following him around.
“Ya… I get that,” Thomas responded, “I think, maybe, I deserved to die more than Newt ever did,” he didn’t mean to say it, not out loud, but he realized if anyone would understand that, it would be Gally. “I’m convinced that the only people who die, are the ones who deserve to live,” Gally’s voice had returned to the soft barely audible tone from earlier.
Thomas fell backward onto the sand so he was staring at the sky now. “I think I used to like astronomy,” he wasn’t saying it to anyone in particular but he noticed how Gally let his head fall back and began staring at the starry sky as well. “I had forgotten how they looked, I mean I knew about them and everything but… It’s different somehow.” Thomas remembered how the Glades night sky was devoid of anything, and to live there for three years, he can see how someone would forget what they looked like. As his train of thought continued he heard Gally fall back onto the sand, now in the same position as Thomas.
Gally was the one to interrupt the silence this time, “Thanks, by the way,” he said softly. Thomas could tell they would both be falling asleep on the beach tonight. “For what?” he asked
“Talking to me, not calling me crazy, I guess,” He wondered if anyone other than Minho had even attempted to talk to Gally. “I would be a hypocrite if I did, but it’s no problem,” He meant what he said but somehow it still came across as insincere, “and, thanks for listening to me too,” he concluded before slowly drifting into sleep.