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For as long as Tsukasa could remember, his little sister had always been in this hospital. On this white sheet, among the toys that he dragged into her room almost every month. Always in this ward, which you can only enter, because you can't get out. However, Saki always smiled no matter what. After all, she has such a good older brother – he always helps and supports her, visits and brings sweets along with lush bouquets of flowers.
The younger Tenma adored flowers and soft toys.
Tsukasa walked towards her ward prepared every time. With a smile on his face, with a memorized script in his head, with the right equipment in his bag or even pocket. The sister's happiness meant the happiness of the whole family. It was it that helped create the illusion that everything was fine, that the elder Tenma didn't return to a lonely, empty and cold house, that mom and dad didn't stay so long at their damned work when will they ever gonna take a vacation and spend some time with their son?, that Saki didn't have to, at times, breathe through an oxygen mask.
His sister's happiness was more important than his own happiness. Therefore, Tsukasa did everything and even more to support it under any circumstances.
Shows... Saki loved shows, and her brother knew it well. He saw how joyfully she smiled, when she looked at shining actors. It was then that the elder Tenma decided for himself that someday he would become the same. Become a star. He will also give people happiness so that their families continue to be the best, the strongest, the most ideal. Just like his own.
Tsukasa straightened his back and smiled as he opened the door of the snow-white ward. He will be strong for his sister, he will smile and laugh, even when he himself is hurt, sad, lonely and cold. Someone is obliged to do this, so that the family is whole and united. It just so happened that this fate went to the eldest son. Although, no, not like this... he himself has chosen such a fate. He's a future star, stars can do anything.
At least the guy thought so.
When he opened the door this time, for some reason Saki was lying on the bed. She almost seemed to hide in a corner and, muttering something under her breath, tried to calm down. It was clear by the fact that the girl leveled her breathing. As if just recently she sobbed uncontrollably. But Tsukasa knew what to do even in situations, where his sister was ill, when she, cursing her own fate, wept bitterly.
He should just perform a show for her. It worked like a spell for all troubles. It always helped — quickly and without fail.
"Saki, are you okay?" a stupid question, but it was the only way to attract his sister's attention.
She twitched sharply. As if she had just realized that she wasn't alone in the room. Then she jumped up and looked at her brother in surprise. Her eyes were swollen, and her cheeks were red, but already dry. So she really did cry, but before the teen's arrival. Tsukasa couldn't hide the sadness in his eyes — it was a momentary weakness. He, as if with pity, looked at how quickly Saki wiped her eyes, then smiled brightly again.
"Today I brought you your favorite snacks. Will you?" Tenma continued, still thinking about how soon he should start his new show.
"Uh... I'm not hungry."
The blond grew sad, but this time didn't show it. Still, it was much woese for Saki. Always, his sister had it worse than him, so he had no right to complain about his life. Toya also had a hard time. Even some of his classmates... fate didn't give them anything good at all. Therefore, Tsukasa always smiled, because he knew that he must be grateful to everything that he himself had: health, a large house, good parents, and especially such a wonderful sister.
"Hey, Saki, you know," the guy suddenly said, putting all the snacks on the bedside table, "I have a riddle for you. What do you think is the name of the best captain in the whole world?"
"Eh?.. C-Captain?"
"Exactly, exactly! Can you guess his name with me?"
But today, his sister seemed to be... not in the mood. Instead of starting to guess, for some reason she lowered her head down. Tsukasa, clearly not expecting such a strange reaction, was even lost for a moment. However, he quietly cleared his throat and continued on his own. Even if Saki wasn't enthusiastic, her brother still needed to make her smile.
It, after all, was the only thing Tsukasa had been capable of all his life.
"It's probably hard to guess this," the teenager joked, and then laughed happily. Today he had to instantly switch to the role that he himself came up with, "Ha-ha, that's fine, milady! My name is Captain Mamoru, the scourge of the seas and even the skies!"
"Is that so…" the blonde muttered, although it was clear that she was barely holding back. She obviously had no interest in watching her big brother's new show.
"There are rumors that I can fly, but none of the mere mortals can unravel my secret. Why can I fly and they can't?" the girl suddenly took a deep breath. So sudden that even her lungs started to hurt, "Really interesting riddle, isn't it? Ha-ha-ha! What do you say, milady?"
Saki for some reason suddenly squeezed the sheet between her fingers. She was completely silent. But it wasn't a pleasant silence, yet, on the contrary, like the calm before the storm. Tsukasa, still trying to keep a smile, tried to reach out to his sister. He even opened his mouth to ask if everything was okay, but her voice interrupted him,
"Why do you hate me so much?" she suddenly asked. Her brother blinked in surprise, "Do I mean that little to you? Is it really so funny for you to see me like this?"
Tsukasa stopped smiling. Instead, he gave his sister a very serious look as he desperately tried to understand what she was talking about. He just wanted the best for her. Wanted to help, to cheer her up.
As he always did.
""Why can I fly, but they can't?"... You're laughing at my illness, right? Are you laughing that you can do whatever you want, and I have to suffer in this hospital?!" suddenly, the girl, whose eyes shone with tears, broke into a cry.
The elder Tenma seemed to have lost his voice. He tried to say, "no, it's not like that, you don't understand, I just wanted to joke about fairy dust, I wanted you to play along with me, so that we can be a fairy and a captain," but nothing came out. Young sister's words clung to Tsukasa's throat with their clawed paws, and then choked him. The guy himself didn't understand at what point he, for some reason, began to lack air. He only saw genuine fury in Saki's eyes.
And he understood: it was he, who made her feel such emotions. Emotions that Tsukasa had never seen before.
"Saki, I didn't… you don't underst…"
"I understand everything! You just love knowing your sister is sick! Love knowing that I will always depend on you and mom, and dad!!" the girl continued to shout, not at all listening to her brother's words. At that time, he couldn't even swallow the lump in his throat, "Do you know what it's like for me? I also want to go to school, I want to sing and dance, I want to be with Icchan and the others, but... in the end, I have to see you come here every day with your stupid shows!.."
It seemed that these were just some pathetic words, but Tsukasa's world seemed to crack and began to crumble like sand.
The blond suddenly trembled. It was like he was hit. Very, very painfully. Somewhere in his chest, or maybe in the stomach – he himself didn't understand, because the pain quickly spread, like a fire, throughout his body. The tips of his fingers went numb, and exhausted, Tsukasa could only unclench his hands in the way that only dying people did.
"Stupid shows?" he repeated to himself, as if trying to clarify, whether he had heard his sister for sure, "Maybe she just didn't like tonight's performance? Although I haven't had time to start it yet... and still, maybe I picked the wrong plot."
"But you like shows… don't you, Saki?" the boy asked hopefully, his smile being way too crooked, "You always loved shows and smiled every time I showed you something interesting..."
The younger Tenma adored soft toys and flowers. And even shows... she must have loved the show, too.
"I'm tired of your shows. I've had enough. I'm so tired of all this!.." the girl continued to say through angry tears that burned her cheeks, while she squeezed the sheet in her hands with all her might. So that the hand even began to tremble in weak convulsions, "Why can't I be like you? Why are you always full of strength, energy and ideas, while I can't even go outside? I don't understand, brother, I don't understand..."
"Saki–"
"Why am I different? Why am I like this?!"
Tsukasa, not daring to move, just kept staring at her. Never in so many years had the teenager seen his sister in such a state. No matter what happened, Saki always smiled and believed in the future, that she would definitely get better and everything would be fine. What suddenly happened to her? Where have all the hopes and dreams gone? Maybe... her older brother didn't try hard enough for her? He didn't even know what he should do now. Comfort her, tell her some words of support, listen to her cries further? But what if she's gonna feel worse? After all, she shouldn't worry too much. Remembering this, the guy immediately tried to do at least something that, as he believed, should help.
"Saki, yeah… being sick is always bad," Tsukasa said in a soft whisper knowingly, "But everything will be fine. You'll be cured and so, you'll see your friends again. Ichika and the others... you have no idea how happy they'll be, when you finally get better!"
The girl sobbed bitterly,
"But I won't feel better, brother," she answered, exhaling raggedly, "No matter what I do, no matter how many things I endure... I never-never get better. I'm just giving everyone problems."
"This isn't true!! You don't cause any problems for me or mom and dad!"
Tsukasa knew this well. In their family, Saki was a very long-awaited and beloved child. The father really wanted a daughter – not that he was upset, when he found out that his firstborn would be a boy, and yet... Saki really could boldly call herself "the favourite one". That's why parents were terribly worried every time the girl coughed, lied in bed with a high fever, or fainted from the awful fatigue. The eldest son, of course, didn't blame them. He also loved Saki and understood that, because she was sick, she needed much more attention than he did.
It's just... for some reason it always seemed to him that if he was in his sister's place, not even a half of the money that went to Saki's treatment would be spent on him. Perhaps, his own selfishness made him think so, or maybe it was an obvious truth.
"If I weren't giving you problems, you wouldn't be coming here. Almost every day... shows, performances, songs... you do it on purpose, don't you?" again, her brother looked at her with sincere incomprehension, "Showing me that you're so strong, healthy, gifted, while all I can do is watch and clap for you?"
"I don't… it's not… but I thought that… why are you telling me all this just now?!…" at the end his voice broke into a scream, "Do you know how much I did for you alone? I always wished and still wish you only the best! And every day I... every day I worked on shows for you. I was so sure that you... that you like my shows!!"
"Liked them! Liked them, until I realized that you were just mocking me! Mom and dad noticed it too. They thought you might make a good actor, but in the end–"
"Saki, stop it!! I understand it's hard for you and..."
The younger Tenma looked at her brother with pain, disappointment and resentment all at the same time. But instead of letting herself calm down, the girl cried out,
"You do not understand anything! You will never understand how I feel, you can only think about your shows! If they really mean that much to you, then fine... but at least stop showing them to me!.."
Tsukasa froze. The pain continued to hurt in all possible places, but most of all – between the ribs. He wondered, why he suddenly became so sick? It felt as if his body was thrown into the cold and into the heat simultaneously. The boy still couldn't take his eyes off his sister. "So this is how she felt all this time?" he thought to himself, feeling how a heavy burden of guilt was gradually pressing on his shoulders, "Every day I made her force herself to smile and pretend? Is it... is it my fault? I wanted all the best for her, but in the end, I only made Saki suffer even more?!"
"...I," Tenma choked out, suddenly realizing that he was trembling, "...sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I didn't know… I'm sorry."
The girl's eyes widened in shock, when she noticed that Tsukasa was crying while wiping his cheeks with sleeves. It was only at that moment that the full meaning of what she had just said here came to her. Her older brother straightened his bag, full of all kinds of rags and toys for today's show, and quickly turned to the door.
Saki realized that, to put it mildly, she overdid it, that she did something really terrifying. She, although no longer liking shows, still understood with a prudent part of herself that Tsukasa really had been trying all this time only for her alone. What has gotten into her today? Could it be that the illness had taken its toll on her? The girl, trying to catch up with her brother, instantly jumped out of bed, but he had already left the ward. So that she couldn't catch him in the corridor, the elder Tenma began to hold the door handle with his hand.
"Brother! No, open up! Please, I'm sorry, I didn't say it on purpose, I didn't mean it!.." Saki shouted outside the door, while the teenager didn't even think about letting go of the twitching handle, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, that's not what I meant, I didn't mean to say that, I'm really, really sorry—"
Two nurses passing by noticed something was wrong at Saki's room and therefore quickly hurried to find out, what was the matter.
"Yamada-san, Hanako-san, I think my sister is having a panic attack. Take care of her, please," he said with a forced smile on his face, "Don't let her out of the room and, no matter what, don't listen to everything she says."
"Yes... of course, Tenma-kun. Saki-chan will be fine."
Tsukasa nodded to them and let go of the doorknob. The girl, still in her pajamas and with bare feet, finally opened the door, wanting to catch up with her brother. However, two nurses, deftly catching the blonde, tried to drag her back into the ward. The guy, meanwhile, was already running down the corridor as fast as he could.
"Brother, brother, stop! Please, wait... let go of me, you two!! No, Tsukasa, don't go! Don't leave me alone!.."
Soon Saki's cries became less and less audible. Tsukasa gave himself a credit: he had good willpower, because he really wanted to turn around and calm his sister for the umpteenth time. However, he had already clearly decided that for today the visiting hour in this ward was over.
He didn't remember how he got home. On foot or by bus, did it matter at all? The main thing is that, in the end, he still arrived at the right place for him. Into a house, which had its walls giving off a downright deadly cold, especially today. Tsukasa somehow forced himself to inhale and exhale with even greater effort. His bag seemed to have slid off his shoulder. But, either way, the guy already didn't care. About all these toys, the script, the roles, the prepared lines... with irritation, Tenma kicked the bag with his foot and went upstairs to his room.
"They thought you might make a good actor, but in the end-"
"...in the end what? Am I really that terrible?" the blond could only sigh in annoyance, "Have I really been making fun of Saki all this time? And didn't even notice it?"
After somehow climbing the stairs, Tsukasa finally reached one of the three walls in his room. The one that was hung with diplomas, medals, awards, letters of thanks, even shelves with goblets. He worked so hard for all that praise and first places. Every item here says "the best", but did Tenma really deserve all of this?
"Tsukasa is a good big brother and a son, but don't you think this show obsession of his is getting out of control? Is it really possible for someone like him to become an actor?"
"Oh, c'mon, honey, don't worry. He'll outgrow it. After all, Tsukasa plays the piano very well... maybe in the future he'll become a music teacher like me. All isn't lost yet."
He remembered this conversation well. Quite by accident, overhearing it at night, Tenma, of course, tried his best not to take all the words spoken by mom and dad to heart. Still, they were just worried about his future, because they were good parents. They have the best, most ideal and strongest family. And this family would never think that one of its members is useless and worthless. No, it only happens in bad families. Tsukasa and mom, and dad, and his little sister are the best people in the whole wide world.
But for some reason, none of them were ever around. They were busy with their work, their lives were filled with problems, and Tsukasa didn't blame them. He just wanted attention too. As a future star, he must win the attention of every person around him. Everyone should look at him, because he, like all family members, is the best. Wasn't it so?
And yet, for some reason... Tenma continued to methodically remove every goblet and medal from the shelf, and every frame with a certificate or letter from the wall. He didn't need all that junk. Even without this, he will prove to the whole world that he is the best of the best. He will throw out every object that ever praised him in any way from his life. Instead, Tsukasa will begin to praise himself.
He himself will become a proof that he's the best, that he's the star of the future. Even if Saki would never see his shows again in her entire life.
***
For as long as Tsukasa could remember, Akito always seemed to have something like... the antonym of sympathy for him. It couldn't be called otherwise. No matter what Tenma did, the junior was very hard to break. He was either being rude, or he was pranking senpai, or just ran away at the first opportunity – what kind of person he even was?
Tsukasa honestly didn't understand how anyone couldn't want to be in the company of a person like him? He's the best, he's a star. But Akito didn't want to look at all this pathos. He felt sick every time senpai opened his mouth and praised himself as if he had just saved the world. From cancer or, for example, a meteorite.
Only in the rarest moments, when Tenma allowed himself to become more or less a normal person, his real self, did the redhead want to be near him.
It was very unusual for Shinonome to see Tsukasa being so... simple. Ordinary, without "show-offs", without bizarre phrases, without delirium in speech. Just a real person, who really looked kind and sweet in his own way. Even something in his voice and look changed, when that mask of a selfish star finally was falling off.
At some point, Akito realized that he either needed to tear off this mask to the end, or avoid Tsukasa until the end of his own life. Of course, at first the teenager chose the first option.
Avoiding senpai has become a fun tradition to some extent. An scolded them both, but that didn't make the running away part any less fun. In fact, this was also a kind of mockery of Tsukasa. He did't have strong and fast legs at all, and didn't know how to hide. But he had the talent to find Shinonome everywhere and always. It was as if Tenma really was some kind of guiding star that will light anyone's path and be nearby at any time. Ridiculous comparison, but Akito liked it. Thinking about it, the teenager even allowed himself to smirk kindly.
And honestly, Shinonome thought it would always be like this. That he, without interfering in senpai's life (and also not allowing senpai to interfere in his own), would simply be somewhere on the side, as if he was invisible to Tenma. However, some kind of opposite effect came out, because Tsukasa didn't want to disappear from Akito's daily life at all. More and more often he was invited to all these shows: in the park, on the street, even at school. And the teen should've been like Toya – that is, thanking for the opportunity to attend the performance and enjoy everything that happens there.
But for some reason, Shinonome kept looking at the blond with... disgust. It was a truly strange feeling. Where would he even come from? Senpai was such a good, wonderful person. Everyone seemed to love him, and then suddenly someone like Akito appeared.
It's not that Akito really hated Tsukasa – that would be too childish, he's not twelve years old. Just watching him perform was weird. Seeing a role in someone, and not a person, is what at times repelled Shinonome from watching many films or series, and especially shows.
It also made Akito think that sometimes he was looking in a mirror. Indeed, on stage, Tsukasa ceased to be himself: there was already a completely different person with a different name, facial expressions, voice, speech, even movements. And towards strangers, Shinonome felt nothing but irritation, because every time he had to behave politely with them.
To say, Tenma seemed to lie, but he lied gracefully, creatively. He let the audience plunge into the story, while he himself played a hero, whom anyone can empathize with, whom anyone can condemn, whom anyone can either love or hate. In all this, the redhead found echoes of himself.
How can he not feel disgust?
After all, the teenager himself lied, when he met new people. As soon as strangers became dear and close people, Akito began to lie differently. He pushed them away with his more angry, rude and unsociable persona. What for? Honestly, the guy didn't know that. It just came out automatically.
Fear of attachment? Don't be ridiculous, this is for girls only. No, maybe Shinonome just liked being that way towards those, who really wanted to take care of him.
Tsukasa was just one of those people. For himself, he decided that since it was impossible to please Saki (and even Shiho) with his shows, then he had to find another person who was the youngest sibling. Akito just fit this basic standard well. Perhaps, only because of the "Shinonome is younger, so I must play the role of an older brother for him" factor, Tenma tried so desperately to cling to the redhead, show him his performances, skills. And to close the hole that remained unfilled even after so many years.
But no matter what the guy did, Akito, like Saki and her friends (every time they came to visit, it was obviously hard for them to force themselves to be polite), he didn't like shows. They annoyed, tired and, probably, even enraged him. During all senpai's performances, the redhead was present as if Toya or Mizuki held a loaded gun to the back of his head. In other words, he looked like he was forced to. For a while, Tsukasa tried to ignore this open disinterest, but after some time, gradually began to give up.
No matter how much Tsukasa pretended to be someone else, someone more perfect, he still couldn't please people. And if no one likes his "best" personality, then no one will definitely like his real one.
Playing Torpe in front of a large audience, which included Akito, the blond thought that this show didn't evoke any emotional response from his junior. Everything was in vain. Just like a couple of years ago with Saki. So, Tenma wasn't going to invite the redhead to his performances anymore. As well as his own sister, whom he always forgot to give tickets, or just was "losing" them. If the blonde got into the show of the troupe somehow, then Tsukasa always believed that she did it solely out of pity or guilt. The boy looked lonely at the piano keys, remembering his mother's words, "Maybe in the future he'll become a music teacher like me. All isn't lost yet." But then Tsukasa shook his head, as if trying to convince himself, "No-no, I can't give up my dream now because of this. At least as long as I'm with Rui and the others, everything will be fine. I can handle it. I can still become a star of the future, can't I?"
This role seemed to be not be a role completely. In the actor's eyes, Shinonome saw something real, something true, something he always loved to see in his senpai. And, even if just a little bit, he liked this particular show. It's a pity that Akito won't get even a pitiful piece of a ticket to the next show anymore.
After all, Tsukasa himself said, "in order to grow, you must, firstly, proudly accept your weaknesses." One of his own weaknesses was people dear and close to him. He understood, realized and accepted it. That's why he didn't want to focus on getting the junior to enjoy his shows anymore.
Tenma didn't want that kind of weakness to control him so easily anymore.
"You really did a great job today, bro," Saki said as she and Tsukasa stood together at the exit of the theater, "You were so bright on the stage."
"Oh, really? Haha, thanks a lot! As a future star, I'm really honored to hear this from my number one fan!!" the blond replied proudly with a slightly wry smirk.
After finally leaving the hospital, his sister apologized many times. But no matter how many times Tsukasa answered, "what are you talking about, I don't even remember that, I have hold no grudge against you at all, silly!", Saki still couldn't remove the burden of guilt from her shoulders. It pressed from above and squeezed her from the inside at the same time. Every time she looked at her brother's smile, she was reminded of how he cried. More precisely, of how she brought him to tears.
Although now the older brother was smiling brighter than any person on the planet, it still seemed to Saki that somewhere in the depths of his soul he, endlessly apologizing, was crying. And how did he not lose the desire to perform at all, after that incident? How did he want to so joyfully communicate with his younger sister again?
Did he really just... forget?
"Really, brother, your acting skills are amazing, fufu~!" and she really mean this from the bottom of her heart, of her soul, with all possible sincerity, which she couldn't allow herself before, "Hona-chan even said that you seem to have become a different person. And, oh, you should have seen Shiho-chan's face!"
Tsukasa smiled at her gratefully as he himself reminisced about his very early childhood. When Saki really adored every creative idea that her brother could share with her.
"It's good that you can be with your friends again, Saki. You've been smiling so happily lately," the teenager said in a soft tone of voice that he was used to talking only with his sister, "I'm really glad. Happy even more than Torpe could ever be!"
"Brother…" the girl looked at him with sympathy, after which her face expressed genuine sadness, "I'm really sorry."
"Eh? What are you talking about?"
Sometimes Tsukasa liked to play the fool. Sometimes he really didn't understand what Saki was talking about. The girl herself didn't understand what exactly was happening now, but nevertheless she decided to explain,
"You know yourself that I shouldn't have told you those things. It was very selfish, even cruel. Back then, I had no control over myself and my condition... and while that doesn't excuse me, I hope you really will someday forgive me for what I said."
"Ha-ha-ha, Saki, what are you talking about? After all, I myself told you all sorts of nonsense, and assumed that I really understood what you had to go through every day. Anyway, how can I even be mad at the best sister in the whole world, huh?" the blond smiled back at her, and then lightly ruffled the girl's hair, "So don't fill your head with such stupid things! The future star will never ever dare to hold a grudge against anyone!!"
"And yet, mom said that you threw away all your awards. Even the decorations and toys in the room..." Saki thought to herself, but didn't dare to say it out loud, "I'm glad that brother has found his place, but still I really want him to be... a more open person."
"Brother, I… honestly, honestly enjoyed your show today," she whispered anyway. Tsukasa's gaze became quite a bit cloudy, as if he was in deep thought.
"I know," he nodded to her, then returned his usual smile to its place, "Okay, enough, let's go home already. Mom and dad will come soon!" and then the blond pulled his sister to the exit door.
Tenma didn't notice that not all of their acquaintances and friends left the premises at that moment. The two teenagers honestly didn't intend to eavesdrop. However... it turned out the way it did. And now, for some reason, both of them became interested in what exactly the siblings were just talkinh about.
"What "words" did senpai's sister mean?" Akito tilted his head to the side.
"I don't know," Toya shook his head in response, exhaling heavily. He seemed to be extremely stressed by the whole situation, "For as long as I can remember, Tsukasa-senpai and Saki-san have been like two best friends. They never quarreled, never fought, so... I can't even imagine what she could say to him."
"He-e-eh..."
"So even our perfect senpai has his problems?" the red-haired man reasoned to himself, but suddenly frowned in annoyance, "And there was something wrong with his eyes… it didn't look right. And he even performed especially well today. I've never seen him like this."
"Akito, are you okay?"
"Ah... y-yes, I'm sorry, Toya, I was just thinking," Shinonome replied with a nervous smile, "But, listen, could you… I don't know, tell me a little more about Tsukasa-senpai?"
Aoyagi's eyes instantly lit up like two bright stars. Yeah, he's ready to go all to talk about his great senpai.
"You don't have to tell everything right now. I don't mind listening for a while to... analyze something," the redhead added, looking away.
"Of course, of course, I'll be able to tell about all the impeccability of Tsukasa-senpai in the best possible detail! So, let's start with..."
***
The conversation about Tenma dragged on for some period of time. Even after the past sports festival, Toya still found something worth mentioning about Tsukasa. Of course, Akito could sometimes ask him to stop. And sometimes... he listened very attentively and built his own image of senpai in his head. After a couple of weeks, Shinonome came to the slight conclusion that who Tenma flaunts himself to be and who he really is are drastically different.
"Tsukasa-senpai sometimes looked very lonely. Especially in middle school," Aoyagi told him as he stirred his coffee, "I didn't always pay attention to this before, but…remembering my childhood and telling all this to you now, I understand that I overlooked a lot of things."
"He looked lonely, huh?.." the red-haired boy almost whispered to himself, and then looked at his friend, "It has something to do with his sister, right?
"I think yes. Something had happened between them – perhaps some kind of quarrel. I hardly believe it, given how harmoniously they live, but... anything can happen in life. You yourself know it."
Yes, of course, Akito knew. He always fought with a family member, so he understood a lot. But he didn't take offense at Ena. Everything she did caused, rather, some kind of irritation, created inconvenience in everyday, calm life. However, of course, nothing more. Besides, now his sister behaved already much better. Shinonome could safely say that all the fights with his sister had little effect on him. He didn't shy away from anyone, didn't flinch when was touched, and didn't cry when asked about his scratches.
Akito always just shrugged his shoulders and replied, "meh, all siblings do that." And yet it turned out that there is some other type – those, who always live peacefully and amicably. Shinonome looked at them with fear. How is it possible... to never insult each other, never fight with each other, never even contradict each other? Incredible. For a long time, Akito, like everyone else, believed that Tsukasa lived an ideal life: a kind sister, understanding parents, a huge house, a job in one of Tokyo's main parks. That's not a life, but a fairy tale, right?
It seemed that such a person shouldn't have problems. It was rather stupid to even think that something serious could happen to a constantly smiling jester.
"And since when did I start worrying and thinking about him so much?" Akito, honestly, didn't understand.
Shinonome often stared at senpai's face. Everything seemed to be the same, nothing has changed. But for some reason, the guy suddenly realized that he hadn't noticed one very important detail before. Something was wrong with Tenma's gaze. He dissociated from reality; was present in the real world, where he communicated with people in his usual loud manner, and at the same time – lived in his own thoughts.
It was strange to see him like this. Tsukasa was weird. But that's probably why so attractive at the same time.
"I'll probably leave practice early today," Touya said on the way to the café.
"Eh? Why so suddenly?"
"Tsukasa-senpai gave me a ticket for tonight's show. I wouldn't want to miss it, because, as Kamishiro-senpai said, it will be very interesting."
Akito looked at his best friend in slight confusion. No, of course he didn't mind at all if Touya went where he wanted. Especially when there was such a good opportunity. The teenager was worried about something else, "So senpai has tickets... but didn't give one to me?" he thought to himself, "That's... quite strange. Senpai usually tries to give them to me too."
"Uh… did he give Akiyama a ticket?" the redhead asked, trying his best not to sound suspicious.
"Of course. Even Ena-san and the rest of Akiyama's friends," Toya replied with a smile, after which he glanced at his friend a little worriedly, "Wait, you didn't get a ticket?"
Akito was silent. So why was he so upset at all? By the way, he absolutely didn't want to go to some stupid shows – he couldn't stand them. And senpai, who didn't even want to be his real self in front of other people, too.
And why was Tsukasa even pretending? All the time he speaks so loudly, laughs, calls himself a star and considers everyone his fan... is he really just trying to mock everyone so covertly?
"No, not really..." the teenager muttered, squeezing the strap of his school bag, "I just refused to take it."
***
Akito honestly didn't expect to run into Tsukasa's sister ever in his life. He heard a lot about her from Toya, and from the senpai himself, and even a little from the noisy Otori, but he had never encountered the girl in person. Up to this day. Late in the evening, almost before closing hours, Shinonome went to a cafe that his classmates advised him to. After all, he shouldn't just go to WEEKEND GARAGE everyday, should he? The teenager wanted variety, and now he got it.
The cafe was cute and very white. Not exactly to Akito's taste, but acceptable. Though, Tsukasa would've probably liked it here.
"Good evening, are you ready to order yet?" asked a pretty girl with two pigtails on the sides.
Just looking at her, Shinonome immediately thought, "she has too many familiar facial features." Even the hair looked the same. For a couple of seconds, the guy looked at her a little in a stupor, but then said,
"Err, uh… y-yes. Iced tea, please. And add lemon to it as well."
For a moment, it seemed to him that the girl whispered, "fufu, the order is exactly like a brother's" under her breath, but, perhaps, it was just his imagination. The waitress stepped back to pass the order to the kitchen. Akito, meanwhile, tried to switch off from reality for a moment and rest.
Yet there were just the same questions over and over again in his head. Why did Tsukasa suddenly distanced himself? After torturing his junior for the sake of the festival, he suddenly decided to pretend that Akito didn't exist? Who does something like that? And anyway... why didn't Tsukasa give him a ticket this time? Especially if the show was supposed to be very interesting. Shouldn't have the blond boy, in his usual manner, praised his own show and forcefully hand over the pass to it? All this was strange. Akito even began to feel... deprived and left out, or something.
Yes, he understood that he didn't treat Tsukasa very well, due to his own difficult nature. He blamed senpai for constantly pretending to be perfect in public, while he himself wasn't even able to speak without pompous rudeness. Akito himself was no better than this loud-voiced actor. He knew it all, he was perfectly aware of it all. And, probably, that's why he wanted to change Tenma at least a little. He wanted to evoke at least one reaction from the guy that wouldn't be exaggerated or feigned. With jokes about spiders... well, it seemed to work, but it became boring to see just the fear alone.
Shinonome wanted to see the real smile of senpai. Not the one that was created for the stage and career of the future star, but the one that made Tsukasa a living person. Akito was a person, who lived by the principle of "if you said it, do it", so he was already very obviously intent on changing something in that boy's feigned behaviour. Still, whatever one may say, Tenma was impossible to avoid. Even the redhead guy seemed to be attracted to this strange blond, although he himself didn't understand why.
Shouldn't things be different? Shouldn't Shinonome be the one, who's always running away and avoiding?
"Tenma-a, the tea is ready, take it to the customer!" he heard someone's voice in the distance.
"Yes, of course, right away!"
Akito looked at the same blond-haired waitress in shock. Her name was Tenma? "So, is she really?.. What a coincidence," the teenager thought to himself, watching the girl put a cup near him, "So that's who she is… senpai's sister."
"It's… um, sorry, but you're Saki Tenma-san, aren't you?" it came out a little awkward, but the guy still managed to ask her this question. The blonde blinked in surprise, but nodded.
"Y-yes, it's me. Er... do I know you?"
"No, but I know your brother, Tsukasa-senpai. And Toya's my best friend."
Suddenly, the girl's eyes sparkled with joy. There were no more visitors in the cafe, and the working hour was soon ending, so Saki was in no hurry to leave her client.
"You must be the Akito-kun they both told me about, right?" receiving a brief nod in response, the blonde broke into a pleased smile, "What a coincidence~! So glad to meet you here and finally get to know you!"
"Me too, Tenma-san. Senpai told me a lot about you. Only the good things, of course," he replied, sipping his tea.
"Oh, it's fine, Akito-kun, you don't have to be official. Just call me "Saki" or "Saki-chan"~ Whatever suits you better, fufu!"
Referring to someone in "chan" was very unusual for Shinonome. He even addressed his own sister by her first name only. Therefore, overcoming the desire to appear as polite as possible, Akito nevertheless turned to her by name.
"Saki, I have a… small talk for you. So have a sit.'
The girl was surprised, but still obeyed. With the client's permission, she sat down in the chair across from him.
"I know this is the first time you've seen me, but I'd like to ask you something about Tsukasa-senpai," she nodded back at him, as he continued, "It's about his shows so to speak. Previously, senpai behaved somehow differently: he showed off them to me, showed me all sorts of poses and movements. But suddenly he stopped doing that. He had another show a couple of days ago, and he gave tickets to everyone, except me. I don't know, if I offended him or not, so... maybe you know something?"
"I…" Saki breathed out, then suddenly smiled sadly, "I wasn't present during the show either."
Akito looked at her as if she were the eighth — no, even the ninth — wonder of the world.
"H-huh? What the... you didn't make it, because of a part-time job?"
"Nope. My brother didn't give me a ticket," the teenager looked at her in shock. "Is that so?" was read on his face, "But you're his sister. Number one fan, as he calls you!.." "He doesn't like it, when I go to his shows. Even at home, if my friends aren't around, then he always practices only in his room and doesn't show me anything."
"…but Toya told me that senpai only likes shows because of you."
Saki, still smiling sadly, looked away. Akito quickly realized that he had touched on some serious and, perhaps, even painful topic. He was about to apologize for getting in other people's business, but the girl managed to interrupt him,
"Toya doesn't know this, but in middle school, my brother and I… you could say we had a fight. It was solely my fault. I said a lot of terrible things to my brother, one of which was, "I'm tired of your stupid shows, I don't like them anymore"."
"But, as I understand it, it's not true, right?.."
"Yes. Back then I was in the hospital... all alone, without friends, without a normal childhood. My brother tried to support me with his shows, and for a while I was indeed truly happy. But then…" Saki sighed sadly and glanced down guiltily, "I felt like he was mocking me. He showed me that he was capable of composing entire scripts, choreographies, sometimes even songs, until I could do none of it. I thought he was... just showing off a talent I never had."
The cup of tea shook nervously in Akito's hand, but he still managed to hold onto it. Any talk about talent and talented people always made him act like that. Just for a moment, but Shinonome felt as if he was listening to his own thoughts, and not the remorse of a stranger. After all, he himself, too, sometimes thought that senpai was pretending to be sweet and kind. Solely for the sake of having as many people around him as possible, so that he can laugh at all of them behind their back.
"I yelled at my brother, told him that he was just making fun of me all this time. Now I understand that it wasn't true, but back then…' the girl continued, "I was disgusted to watch his shows, because of this endless pretending. Someone would call it good acting, but for me all the roles seemed like strangers. At some point, I stopped recognizing Tsukasa as my own brother, at some point I... completely forgot what the real he was. And so, in my eyes, my brother became a selfish boy, who looked down on the sick me."
"I understand," the red-haired guy answered her, closing his eyes slightly, "It also sometimes seems to me that senpai created the mask of this ideal, good person for himself on purpose. That with words about the "future star" he's just trying to hide his narcissism and selfishness..."
"…and it looks like he thinks he's superior to other people in every way, doesn't it? Fufu, you and I are somewhat similar, Akito-kun. In middle school, I often thought of my brother that way."
Shinonome took another sip. It was such a pleasure to drink this tea. And it was even more pleasant to know that the elder Tenma caused such incomprehensible, mixed feelings to many people. After all, really, what was the real Tsukasa like? Still the same cheerful boy or was he terribly sad? Akito thought there must be somewhere in between.
And somewhere in between, it will be possible to find his real senpai.
"My brother just got lost. His dream, ambition, character, positive attitude and desire to help me mixed into one," the blonde suddenly continued, "He looks a little annoying, doesn't he? Loud-voiced, praises himself endlessly... besides, he's an actor. Ordinary people never know what actors have in mind."
"Yeah, you're right… we, ordinary people, don't know, if the actor is smiling because he's actually having fun, or because he just knows, how to be a master at doing it in any situation."
"Fufu, exactly, and that might be off-putting. Many people distrusted Tsukasa, some even avoided him, fearing that he might gossip behind their back. But my brother is good and very, very kind. He's a trustworthy person, who you can rely on, and he's also incredibly loyal. That's why brother would never ever really mock someone," Saki exhaled heavily, then smiled, "I'm really sorry that I didn't understand this at all in middle school."
For a moment, Shinonome thought Tenma said that last sentence on purpose. As if hinting, "I have already gone through this mistake, so I hope that at least you wouldn't repeat it."
"Y'know, I just recently realized… senpai looks like an open person, but when I listen to what he talks about, I understand that he doesn't share about himself at all. Always about some future, about you and Toya or shows," Akito said almost in a whisper, "He never even said why is he always eating alone. And, even if I asked him, he quickly changed the topic."
"Brother eats alone?" the blonde asked, "He… he didn't say a word about it. I always thought that he was in the class with everyone else, or at least with friends."
"As far as I know, he has no friends in his class. I mean, there is Kamishiro-senpai, but he's from a different class, and Kusanagi-san is in the first-years' building. And even they never ate lunch with him."
Saki, holding her breath, looked somewhere in the void for a couple of seconds. And then she exhaled heavily,
"God, I'm so stupid~! I thought that at least in high school he'll get it all together, but in the end... jeez, brother! Why does he never talk about what is really important?"
'Maybe he just has a hard time showing real feelings," Akito suggested casually, "I can understand him in a way."
"You… you're also dishonest with yourself and others, aren't you?"
At this, Shinonome only nodded guiltily, after which he told the girl about how he treated senpai in the first weeks after their meeting. Over time, his attitude towards the guy really changed, but to actually show this... Akito either could not, or was afraid. After all, he could never know what Tsukasa was hiding behind his kindness. What if he hated his juniors, but just didn't talk about it?
Who knows these actors and their shenanigans.
"I see," the blonde nodded, "In that case, Akito-kun, I need to ask you something. Please, stop acting the way I did."
"Saki–"
"No, listen," Tenma interrupted quickly, though she still looked and sounded polite, "I'm still ashamed of what I said to him then. Therefore, don't repeat my mistakes, don't tell him what you don't mean. One day you will regret it, but it will be too late."
The teen clenched his teeth as he stared in annoyance at his own cooling tea.
"But it looks like it's already too late. He didn't give me a ticket, he sort of stopped talking to me, so... why bother now?"
"Akito-kun, I know how hard it is, but… if my brother is even a little dear to you, then try to show him your real emotions, and speak your real thoughts out loud," and for some reason the girl suddenly smiled, "You can hide whatever you want from me. I won't even be surprised, if you start denying that Tsukasa is someone close to you, and yet... don't lie to him. Please, I ask this as his sister!.."
The redhead looked at her in surprise, and then smiled. For real. Still, it wasn't in vain that the blond praised his sister so much. She really is amazing. It's just a pity that both she and Tsukasa had to live with such a huge burden of guilt on their shoulders for so many years.
Well, it's fine, Akito will definitely try to fix it somehow. And he will probably start with himself.
"A person dear to me, huh?.." whispered Shinonome, smiling a little wider.
"Do you-u-u... fancy him? Do you? Did I guess it right?" the girl asked with burning interest, "If it's a secret, I won't tell him!! I promise, I promise!"
Did he like senpai? The one, who always was so proud, brave, perfect, brilliant... maybe there was something likeable in him, after all. But how to confess something like that to gum? For this Akito will have to work on himself and his own real feelings for some time. Not knowing what to say, in response, the guy only nodded very, very imperceptibly to her. However, this was already enough to make the blonde squeal with happiness.
"Thank you very much for talking, Saki It was really nice to meet you," the teenager said, then he drank the rest of his tea at once.
"Me too, Akito-kun!! Be sure to come here again, I'll always be happy to chat with you again~"
Shinonome nodded to her as she herself waved goodbye to him. Indeed, what a sweet and kind girl.
***
As soon as the sports festival was over and everyday life came to replace it, the redhead began to pry at least a tiny bit of information from senpai about his past. Sometimes, imperceptibly. Sometimes very, very noticeable. This, obviously, began to get the elder's nerves – he was asked about too important, personal information, which can lead to a bad outcome. Avoiding his junior day after day, Tsukasa looked as innocent as he could. It was as if he wasn't the one, hiding behind Rui's back or even quickening his pace so that Akito would soon lose him in a crowd of students. Did he not want to be on friendly terms anymore? Fine, it's okay not to talk, but... to not even see each other? Wasn't that too much? Shinonome couldn't understand what happened to senpai after that show with Torpe. Nothing seemed to have changed, nor should've it. After all, it wasn't him, who had a serious heart-to-heart talk with Saki. However, something clearly happened. The teenager was sure that he was somehow to blame for this, but what exactly did he do? Maybe he was just tiresome for Tsukasa?
Had Tenma really been pretending to be nice all this time, only to start acting like that later on? Or did the junior offend him with something? Perhaps, his attitude towards the shows, but... Akito was honestly ready to change. After all, he had already revised his perception of senpai almost completely.
The world, of course, hasn't turned one hundred and eighty degrees, but at least one hundred and ten for sure.
After school, Tenma helped the committee with school supplies. And again in his, as he called it, proud loneliness. He especially liked to stay in this state during lunchtime, when he admired nature, listened to birdsong, enjoyed delicious food in silence – and a bunch of other lies that he could think of.
"What are you doing?" Akito asked, suddenly appearing behind senpai.
"Aaaah!! Uh, wha... A-Akito! You scared me!" turning around, the blond yelled. He looked around and realized that they were alone in the corridor. Running away from here wasn't an option, the supplies were too heavy. The guy sighed, and then defiantly lifted his chin up, "I help the school, of course! We need to take some things to the basement so that they don't litter the classrooms. The future star handles it perfectly in his desired silence, fu-fu-fu!"
"Desired silence, huh?" the redhead thought to himself, "Who are you lying to? Your jaw almost twitched, while you were saying that."
"I see. So you mind if I join?"
"Eh, but, um... not at all! Of course, of course, Akito, let's go together!!" Tsukasa looked away in an instant. It was a small detail, but he seemed… ashamed to look at his junior? Did he feel like he did something wrong? "What's new in your life? How are the concerts going on?"
"Meh, it's fine. We work well together, and even An doesn't piss me off like she used to," Akito joked, although it was true.
Shiraishi didn't really seem annoying anymore. And sometimes even to her... yes, it was pretty interesting to talk to her.
"Ah, I understand. I'm glad you got on so well with her."
Tsukasa said this in a soft, somehow unusual voice. He clearly didn't want to appear offended, but for a brief moment it seemed to Akito that there was a touch of resentment in the senpai's tone.
"I mean, you and I get along well too, don't we? We talk, we eat together, I even go to your shows," the guy quickly realized that right now was his opportunity to bring the dialogue to the main question that had been tormenting him all day, "By the way, how was the recent performance? Unfortunately, I wasn't able to come."
""Unfortunately"? I thought you didn't like my shows?" the blond was genuinely surprised.
"I never told you that, senpai."
Tsukasa, not knowing what to say, decided to remain silent. He liked to talk, but sometimes it didn't lead to anything good. Nene and Rui, even Emu, had taught him that sometimes in this life it was worth it to just shut up. Going with the flow is, of course, boring, but this is what saved people from many conflicts.
"Senpai, seriously,” the junior continued with a less friendly attitude, "Why didn't you give me a ticket to your show? Didn't want to see me there?"
"Akito, I think we can discuss this another time. By the way, how is Azusawa? I haven't seen her in person for a long time, I'd like to know how she's doing–"
"I'm not kidding, Tsukasa-senpai. What suddenly happened? Have I become unworthy of your shows? Or you just can't stand me?"
"Akito..."
Tenma exhaled heavily, frowning. He seems to have realized that he won't be able to change the topic so easily and safely avoid an uncomfortable conversation. "Come on, come on. I can grow, only if I first proudly accept my weaknesses," the blond continued to twist this saying in his head, "Accept, I just have to accept my weakness. I'll tell him the truth and he'll leave."
"Why are you saying it like you really wanted to be there?"
Akito honestly couldn't figure out, if senpai was playing or not. The expression on his face was strange: either real surprise, or he was just pretending to be a fool.
"You don't like my shows. I tried, but I guess shows... they're just not for you," after which Tsukasa, for no apparent reason, smiled radiantly, "So why are you mad that you didn't get a ticket?"
"Enough already!" Shinonome suddenly broke into a shout, although he didn't expect this from himself. Why was he like this? Was he really angry? Offended by such a trifle? A small thing that obviously meant a lot to Tenma, "I never told you directly that I didn't like them!"
Senpai quickly supported the initiative to speak to each other in loud voice. He was good at it, thankfully.
"Oh, for god's sake, Akito! All your emotions are clearly written on your face!"
"And you, senpai, must be a genius that reads everyone by expressions. So what am I thinking now?"
"How should I know?!.. You're acting like you started the day off on the wrong foot."
"But you just said that "everything is always clearly written" on my face!"
Tsukasa took a deep breath and frowned angrily as he thought about what to say next. Now he really didn't mind the idea of walking down to the basement in silence. He only had to carry a couple of things, but no... Akito wouldn't let him even do that.
"What's wrong with you, really?! Why are you telling me all this now?" Tenma was already sincerely perplexed, not at all understanding what kind of animal bitten his junior today. Maybe a dog with rabies, because there was no other explanation for such behaviour, "You don't like shows! I was sure you never liked them! And that you're not interested in me at all either. Although, y'know, for a future star, thinking about something like that is extremely..."
"Can you at least sometimes talk about yourself as a person?"
Tsukasa blinked in surprise, then stopped. He stared at the junior with genuine bewilderment. A little more and he was even ready to tilt his head to the side, like a small puppy.
"All the time, it's only "star", "future star". I'm not judging your dream, but don't you think you've forgotten that you're human?" Akito explained, but senpai still didn't understand him at all. Yes, it must be extremely strange for him to hear the real thoughts of a teenager, who usually behaved with him as rudely and detachedly as possible, "You always pretend to be strong, though you can barely carry these things now; brave, though you are afraid of insects; smart, though you barely even pass your tests; perfect, though..."
"I'm not pretending! I'm a future star, and it only makes sense that I ought to–"
"You're not ought to do anything!"
Tsukasa indignantly placed the junk box on the floor, then straightened out and glared at his junior sternly. "So, now I'm pretending?! Where did he even get this from? How can he even blame the future star for something like this?!" he resented to himself, "I... didn't I do enough? Even though I tried so hard, I always try so hard, and still..."
"Have you really forgotten? Forgot that you can live without pretending and smiling every second?"
"So you want to say that I am a hypocrite, that I can lie to someone?! That my feelings are not real?" the blond realized with horror, "For your information, Akito, I never lie to anyone! It's just your imagination, but... well, I won't blame you too much. After all, the future star is always perfect, so it's understandable that many people will have doubts about me," Tsukasa's frown gradually softened, and he smiled happily, "Ha-ha-ha, and yet for your concern, I, perhaps, will thank you. You're really a good junior!"
"A good junior you can't stand?"
Tenma nearly choked on air. He tried to object, but the redhead was already unstoppable. The guy remembered a lot of things: their first acquaintance, and further meetings, and even how they communicated now. But why? What was the point of all this conversation? Tsukasa didn't understand, he was already dizzy, he wanted to run, run, run–
"...and I understand that there were a lot of things between us, but why did you begin to avoid me?" Akito breathed out, "Do you really hate me now?"
Tsukasa loved being perfect. Still, only such a future star must be. He had to be strong for his parents and, of course, for Saki. Everyone loves strength, everyone loves strong, reliable people to be proud of. Sometimes, pretending to be someone you're not can be tempting. Because getting the approval, praise and happiness of other people is like a drug, it's addictive.
He loved to be the center of attention, he loved to be a star. It's always been like that... or so he thought. The guy doesn't remember. He forgot, as well as that quarrel with Saki, as if none of this had ever happened at all. Tsukasa was used to being the way he was now. Although he claimed to himself, "first accept your weaknesses, only then you can grow," he still couldn't come to terms with one terrible thought.
As soon as he tries to find his real self and act like an ordinary person, everyone will turn away from him: family, friends, acquaintances, fans. After all, for them there is only one single – correct – Tsukasa. The one that was so perfect, funny, cheerful, and the best. Akito obviously tried too hard to force Tenma to be real, so in a way the blond avoided him for that very reason.
But there was still one more.
"Why do you hate me so much? Do I mean that little to you?"
Shinonome didn't immediately realize that he had said too much. Suddenly, his eyes widened in shock as he noticed that Tenma was crying. With real tears. Senpai had cried in front of his juniors before, but only out of sincere gratitude. There was never any other reason behind his tears. Tsukasa, clenching his teeth, almost immediately began to wipe the hot drops from his cheeks, but this didn't help much. It was as if the same day was looming before him.
A white ward, a white bed, and Saki, who says she's tired of the show.
"Senpai? Senpai, what happened...?"
Akito tried to come closer to comfort the boy somehow, but Tsukasa interrupted him with a pained whisper,
"Please, go away. Don't look at me," still trying to put his face and especially his eyes in order, the guy said, "You shouldn't see me like that, I'm a senpai, a big brother, I should set a good example, I should be..!"
"Tsukasa-senpai..."
"Ha... ha-a-ah, what's wrong with me today? Why am I different? Why am I like this?" the blond muttered under his breath words that were exactly like the words of his younger sister.
"Why am I different? Why am I like this!?"
Shinonome took a deep breath. Well, he wanted to see a real senpai, so he got him. But, honestly, the teenager wasn't disappointed at all. And why would he be? On the contrary, although it wasn't worth rejoicing in other people's tears, Akito was grateful that Tsukasa still allowed himself to cry here. On any other day, he would probably have run away as quickly as possible. And now he was just standing there, like a frightened child, who was waiting to be pitied, hugged and reassured. He needed someone else's love and attention, just like air.
However, in Akito's eyes, these tears didn't destroy the "dignity of a star" at all, as Tsukasa himself said. No, they just made the guy more human.
Now the world of Shinonome has really turned one hundred and eighty.
Without further ado, Akito carefully took the senpai's hand in his own. At first, the blond even tried to resist, but after that he resigned himself to his fate. If you want to grow, first, proudly accept your weaknesses. Tsukasa wiped away the tears that burned his cheeks as he apologized. For what? He didn't know himself. Perhaps, for allowing to show himself from such a side. Perhaps, for making Shinonome think that he hates him. Perhaps, for avoiding him. Perhaps, because everytime he was afraid to see an upset and desperate Saki in the place of his junior.
But his sister wasn't bad. She suffered much more than he did, only she had real reasons to cry. Saki had never done anything terrible, so why was Tsukasa now crying, while remembering her? He himself had no idea.
All this broke his image of the best, the most ideal one, but at the same time, for some reason, brought relief. Was it even normal to feel so good, knowing that at least once in his life someone was just there? Even if that someone didn't like his shows...
What (or who) did Shinonome love then?
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" the boy continued to whisper in a low voice, while the words seemed to crumble in the air as soon as he said them.
Akito held his hand tightly all this time and probably didn't even think about letting go. He was ready to listen to anything, he would even be glad if Tsukasa confessed all his anguish. If it hurts, then he should say so. If he's lonely, then he should say so. Shinonome will listen, if it'll mean that senpai won't ever leave. The red-haired teenager kept thinking about what else he could do to help. To be honest, helping other people was always kind of awkward to him, none of Shinonome could normally show their concern for others. But still, Saki did ask of him, "If my brother is at least a little dear to you, then try to show him your real emotions."
Real emotions? What would he really want now?
"Senpai, can I hug you?" the teenager asked, still not letting go of the boy's hand.
"No, don't… I'll get your jacket dirty," oh, seriously now? Even now, he was thinking about that? "I'm older, I shouldn't show myself like that. What kind of a star am I, who would even need someone like me..."
Akito sighed tiredly and pulled the boy towards him. Tsukasa seemed to have completely stopped resisting, or had forgotten how to do it at all. On the contrary, he almost instantly melted into someone else's arms. He didn't blame the person, who, it would seem, had just brought him to tears at all... Yet, the guy never blamed anyone, and didn't even know how to hold a grudge for a long time. Shinonome didn't know how to properly help and comfort, but he understood that this was exactly what Tenma, who could only wearily put his head on junior's shoulder, needed now.
"...I would."