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When Steve opened the door, at 3 in the morning, he probably just fell out of bed, but his hair still looked perfect.
Well, it was a mess, but a good mess. Other people spent ages trying to get their hair to fall this way, and Steve Harrington, that beautiful bastard, just woke up like this. Literally.
Eddie really had no choice but to be in love with him, did he?
"Uh...hi," Eddie said and leaned against the door frame because, quite frankly, his body was not really in the state to stand up straight right now and, for once, it actually wasn't because of his absolutely dumb (and very gay) feelings for the guy in front of him.
"Oh god, Eddie!" Steve said, completely awake all of a sudden.
Probably because he noticed Eddie's busted lip and bleeding nose, the scratches all over his face and the fact that, well, like mentioned, he wasn't able to stand up straight.
"Shit, what happened to you?" Steve pulled Eddie inside his house after the initial second of shock had passed and slid under his arm for support.
Eddie laughed dryly and ignored the way that his stomach began to swirl because he was this close to Steve. His body didn't even seem to care that he was in a lot of pain right now, there was always enough capacity left for him to get nervous around him.
"Well, I thought that the dark of the night might be enough so that I could go out to the gas station and buy new cigs," he said and wined a little when Steve accidentally dug his finger into a forming bruise on his waist.
"Sorry," Steve said and Eddie waved him off.
"S'fine," he panted and took a deep breath when Steve steered him upstairs. "Turns out," he continued. "It's not. I ran into Jason's idiot minions and they decided that I should pay for what I've done to their big idol." He scoffed. "They didn't buy the story for a second."
"Well shit," Steve said. He guided Eddie into his bedroom and then the adjoined bathroom. There, he made Eddie sit on the edge of the tub and disappeared into his room just to come back two seconds later with a stool in his hands.
He sat in front of Eddie, scooted close and closer until his legs were practically tangled with Eddie's and took his chin in his hands. "They really got you good, huh?", he asked but Eddie could hardly concentrate on answering or nodding or even just reacting in any way, because he was too distracted by the way Steve's gentle fingers felt against his skin while they twisted his head first left and then right so that Steve could get a better look.
"Hm," he hummed in agreement and took a deep breath. "Steve, I'm...I'm sorry I'm just showing up unannounced and shit I just...I didn't know where to go. My uncle's out of town and I couldn't...I mean."
"Hey, no, man, don't apologize," Steve said in the softest voice, looking deep into Eddie's eyes. Eddie swallowed and winced because his throat had taken some hits, too.
"I'm glad you came here." Steve smiled and Eddie's heart flipped upside down.
"Okay," he just breathed and Steve nodded.
"Alright, Eddie, off with your shirt," he said and grabbed the hem. "Can you move your arms?"
Eddie nodded, trying to just concentrate on the pain and not Steve because too much of Steve made breathing even harder than his burning rib cage made it anyway.
Together they pulled his shirt off and, honestly, Eddie had imagined so many different scenarios in which Steve was undressing him, but this was not one of them.
Steve scanned his whole upper body and face with a very concerned look and Eddie ran a little hot under the gaze. Or because of the fists thrown against his jaw and cheekbones and...everywhere really.
"Alright, I'm gonna get you an ice pack for the worst hits to your face and head, and some ibuprofen for the pain and then I'll patch you up. And you're gonna sleep here, no discussion."
Eddie just nodded and Steve left. In the time he was gone Eddie tried to focus on anything but the throbbing pain in his head and the way his lungs burned and how dizzy he felt. It didn't really work. Like Steve had said, they got him good.
Steve got back, gave him a glass of water and a pill to swallow, and instructed him to press the ice pack to the left side of his face that seemed to look worse (it felt worse, too) while he started rummaging through countless drawers. Then he was back in Eddie's space, a lot of first aid type of things on the toilet next to him, bandaids, bandages, disinfecting sprays, and cocked his head to the side, a calculating look on his face.
"Can you...do something with..." He gathered Eddie's sweaty and dirty curls in his hands and bit down on his lower lip, thinking.
Eddie was dizzy as fuck and pressing an ice pack to his face but he still had to actively keep himself from staring. Steve was just that beautiful.
"You have a hair tie?"
Eddie just raised his left hand and Steve took the hair tie off his wrist and put Eddie's hair into a ponytail, best he could.
"Okay. Let me see." He gently pushed Eddie's hand with the ice pack out of his face to inspect his injured face and head and Eddie just let him and watched best he could.
Then Steve started touching his upper body and arms and Eddie didn't know if the dizziness now came from his head injuries or just him.
"What are you doing?" he asked and Steve sighed.
"Making sure nothing's broken. Especially no ribs," he explained.
"Oo. Yeah, sure. Honestly, I think I'm good. Just a lot of bruises and scratches and breathing's a little hard but other than that..."
"Yeah, but still," Steve said, but he seemed fine with how Eddie's body had reacted. Or felt. Whatever.
The ibuprofen started kicking in after a few minutes and Eddie really started feeling a little better.
Steve had taken a washcloth and was gently cleaning his face and even though Eddie was in pain, he just closed his eyes and enjoyed the soft touches.
Make the best out of the situation, right?
And Steve really was extremely gentle. He knew exactly what to do, he cleaned and disinfected, put bandaids over stuff and healing ointments on bruises and Eddie just focused on breathing and watched him.
He watched the way Steve was completely focused, the way his hands were steady and fast, his eyes trained on the cuts and scratches and never once looking up at Eddie's eyes.
And that's when it occurred to Eddie.
Steve was way too good at this.
And by this he didn't mean just first aid or bandaging wounds because hell, the Upside Down bullshit seemed to be going on a while, Steve wrapped up in it since the start, but he meant this exact type of injuries.
Steve Harrington knew exactly how to fix someone up who's taking a beating. Hell, he had even known how to palpate Eddie's upper body to make sure no ribs were broken.
That was not really common knowledge or something he'd have learned from babysitting the Party all the time. And he had all of this, the bandages, bandaids, antiseptic shit, he had all of it here in his own fucking bathroom, and lots of it too. Even medical thread and needles.
And then there was the thought.
He didn't have to think about if he was right or not, he knew he was.
Steve didn't talk a lot about his parents or the fact that he hated his own home and was barely in any of the so called "family" pictures that just featured the Harringtons faking a smile to the camera in front of golf and beach clubs all around the world.
Maybe — and the maybe in that sentence was only to give Steve's parents the benefit of the doubt they clearly didn't deserve — Steve Harrington was so good at taking hits, because he just had way more practice than he should have.
And Eddie didn't mean getting beat up by Jonathan and Max's douchebag brother (sorry, sorry, no ill talking of the dead) (but let's be honest that guy was an asshole).
Eddie meant something way way worse.
Something he had a little experience of his own in, but that had only been one time, the night they kicked him out and he found himself on Wayne's doorstep, crying with a busted lip. And that had already really messed him up.
But Steve...well, Steve was almost twenty now and he still lived in that house.
Eddie felt a deep sadness creeping its way up his chest and settling into the corner of his heart that had been dedicated to the man in front of him for some time now. Before he could stop himself Eddie grabbed the hand that was disinfecting one of the bigger scratches on his stomach and Steve stilled in his movements.
For the first time since he started, his eyes looked up to meet Eddie's.
"Sorry, did I hurt you?" He asked and Eddie shook his head because really, Steve did all of this with such practiced ease, it was so gentle Eddie could hardly remember the way harsh fists and ugly sneakers had ripped his skin open just some moments ago.
"No," Eddie said and had to remind his voice to work. "No you didn't hurt me at all, I just..." He couldn't really focus on what he wanted to say, didn't know, really, because how the hell do you tell the man you're in love with that you just figured out something horrible about his life and that you're there for him, without really talking about it, because it's a very sensitive topic?
"You're so good at this. Steve," his brain seemed to settle on saying after a couple of seconds and he bit down on his lip (and winced because his habits hadn't caught up with the painful cuts in his face) to keep himself from overthinking it.
The implication was there. There was no denying that. It hung around the air, lingered there while Steve looked like he was the one somebody had just been kicked in the stomach until bruises started to form.
"Eddie." His voice was quiet, so incredibly quiet, it wasn't even really a whisper anymore. He curled his fingers around Eddie's, like he needed something, anything to ground him, looked at their linked hands, then his other one, stained with Eddie's blood, anywhere really, anywhere that was not Eddie's face.
He looked so young in that moment. Small, almost.
Vulnerable.
"Steve", Eddie repeated and Steve inhaled sharply.
"Look, it's not...it's not like they're home much," he said, small glance at Eddie's eyes, looking away immediately. Confirming what Eddie had almost prayed to be just a very wrong conclusion (and he didn't even believe in any god). "I see them like three times a year. And Robin and I are gonna find an apartment anyway, I'll move out, maybe before they're even back."
Eddie studied him, saw the small crease in his eyebrows, the dark shadow on his face, just the pain he desperately tried to hide.
His thumb started to gently stroke the back of Steve's hand. He wanted to let him know that he was there. And that nobody could hurt him right now.
It seemed to work at least a little to calm Steve down, because he dared to look up and into Eddie's eyes.
"Umm, when-"
"I don't want to talk about it", was the immediate reaction and Eddie almost winced because of how much his heart tightened hearing the agony in his voice.
"I just-"
"Eddie! Can we drop it? Please?"
God, Eddie would do anything if Steve asked him like that. He looked up at him with pleading eyes, begging almost, and in any other situation this would do very different things to Eddie. But right now it was just a dagger to his heart, slashing it open, driving into it until all his emotions spilled out and left only pain.
Because this was Steve, strong and beautiful and fearless Steve and he was scared.
He'd let down his walls and for the first time Eddie could see how he really felt, deep down. How broken he really was. How he was messed up in a way and it didn't even have anything to do with the other dimension bullshit going on.
No, Steve's life alone, his normal life before everything with the Upside Down had started, had sucked.
All Eddie wanted in this moment was to take some of Steve's pain and make it disappear. Feel it himself, if it helped. Anything to straighten that specific crease in his brows and smoothen out the tension in his shoulders.
Eddie sighed and let his free hand gently fall on Steve's shoulder, let it rest against his cool neck.
"Yeah, sure, yeah, of course." He nodded, couldn't stop himself and moved his hand to gently cup Steve's cheek.
Steve leaned into the touch. Eddie's heart skipped a beat.
"Of course. Whatever you want, I'm just...I'm worried."
Steve's brows furrowed.
"Why?"
"Why- what? What do you mean, why?" Eddie was almost offended Steve would even ask such a question.
But Steve looked genuinely confused.
Eddie almost felt like crying. But this wasn't about him.
"Because you're my friend," he said, slow and with purpose. "I care about you."
At first, nothing happened. Steve just looked at him, his hand still tangled with Eddie's, his hair falling into his forehead, looking effortlessly perfect in the way only Steve Harrington's hair could (even when he was this emotionally distressed).
But then Eddie noticed the tears in his eyes.
"You...you care about me?"
The sheer disbelief in his voice made Eddie want to take him into his arms and hug him until he forgot that he'd ever felt lonely in his life.
It was almost as if for Steve it was normal that everybody would always come to him for help, and hide behind him when monsters were close, and make him drive them around town, but nobody even so much as cared for him in return.
Which was bullshit, obviously, but Eddie felt like Steve didn't know that. That for him it was just a fact, and he had to live and be fine with it.
Eddie needed to show him how wrong he was.
"Of course," he said.
"Ed-" Steve's voice cracked before he could even finish saying Eddie's name and then-
Well, then...
Then Eddie probably fainted from his injuries and started dreaming or something because there was just no other possible explanation for what happened next.
Because Steve lunged forward from the stool, pulled Eddie close and.
Well.
He kissed him.
Which just didn't make any fucking sense.
It wasn't like it was bad. Of course it was far from how Eddie had imagined their first kiss (which he had been sure would only ever exist in his imagination) but it was still Steve kissing him, soft lips on his, his hands tangled in Eddie's curls, his body pressed against Eddie's but...
But it was frantic.
It didn't feel real, it felt rushed and out of a place of pain and just...it didn't feel like Steve was kissing him because he wanted to.
It felt like he was kissing him because Steve Harrington was desperate for love and now Eddie had offered him the tiniest piece and Steve would do anything to keep it.
It broke his heart.
Eddie was in love with Steve, he was, he really really was, but he didn't...he didn't want him like this.
So he tried to regain control of his body that had frozen in shock, took Steve by the shoulders and gently pushed him a couple inches away.
"Woah," he whispered. "Hold ya horses there, cowboy."
He saw the immediate regret in Steve's eyes, the sheer horror of the realization of what he'd just done, the fear and pain and it tore Eddie apart, it dug the dagger deeper into his heart.
"Fuck, I'm so sorry," Steve said and covered his face with his hands. "I'm so sorry." It almost came out as a sob and Eddie had to remind himself to breathe right now because it wasn't exactly easy for him either, seeing Steve like this. "I'm so sorry, Eddie, I messed it all up, fuck, I'm such an idiot, I'm so sorry, I didn't...I didn't mean it, please don't...I'm so sorry, I..." he rambled on and Eddie took a deep breath and cupped Steve's face in his hands.
"Hey," he said and hoped it was at least a little comforting, reassuring. "Hey, it's okay."
"No, no, it's not, I just kissed you, I'm...I'm so sorry, you obviously don't feel the same, I'm so sorry, I'm so embarrassed, I-" Steve rubbed his hands over his face and seemed so hopeless and embarrassed just like he'd said, and Eddie pulled him a little closer, didn't even have time to stumble over the 'feel the same' in Steve's rambling, because he just needed to make him understand that the kiss was not the problem here.
"Shh, Steve. Hey. Hey, calm down a little, can you do that for me?" Eddie brushed a strand of hair out of Steve's face and tried to make eye contact, hold it, tell Steve with his look that he didn't need to be scared.
"Steve," he said. "It really is okay."
"Edd-"
"No. Look." Eddie took a deep breath. "We're both extremely emotional right now. I just got beat up, you're tired and distressed, Steve, baby, you're almost crying. If I kissed you back now I would be taking advantage of you and I would never. Fucking. Do that. Okay? I don't want you to do anything you'll regret tomorrow. But you should never be scared to be vulnerable and yourself when I'm around, okay? You're safe with me."
Steve tried to get his breathing under control, nodded a little, looked up, deep into Eddie's eyes and he must have found something in there that grounded him, at least a little, because he managed to actually let his hands fall from his face and take a deep breath.
"Good," Eddie said. "Good. Breathe."
Steve nodded again and Eddie just held him, one hand on his cheek, the other on his waist, until he seemed a little less out of it.
"You're safe," Eddie repeated because it seemed like the thing Steve needed to hear now.
It took some time, at least five or six minutes but Steve managed to calm down. He took a couple of deep breaths and then he smiled a little. It was barely visible but it was there and if you knew Steve's facial expressions, you'd notice (and Eddie knew. He had spent way too much time staring at that pretty face).
"But you would?" Steve asked and his voice was bathed in something that almost sounded like hope. Eddie didn't really understand.
"I would what?" He asked and Steve visibly swallowed, but kept the smile on his lips.
"Kiss me back," he whispered.
And oh. Wow.
For a small small second the thought crossed Eddie's mind that Steve was only asking that because his ego had taken a hit when Eddie hadn't kissed him back, but he was ashamed of that thought immediately after, because hell, this was Steve, and Steve was just...good.
He was just a good fucking person and even if he only asked because he would take all the tiny bits of love he could get...Eddie was head over heels for him anyway.
If Steve still wanted him tomorrow he would jump at the chance. It didn't matter. He would never take advantage of Steve but he would let Steve take advantage of him all he wanted.
It was just that Steve never would.
And he looked at him so…hopeful. So soft and fond and like he actually had feelings for Eddie and Eddie just fucking melted.
"Oh god," Eddie sighed. "Yeah. Of course. Ask me tomorrow and I'll give you a thousand kisses and more." He brushed his thumb along Steve's lower lip (because he simply couldn't help himself. God, was it hard not to just give into all of his instincts and kiss Steve breathless right then and there). "I just need you to be sure."
Steve smiled a little wider and his eyes fell back into Eddie's lips. Eddie was dying over here. How the fuck could anybody not be in love with Steve Harrington? Even during a mental breakdown he managed to look this incredibly beautiful and be sexy and even seductive. Like...what the actual fuck? How was he doing that? How was he sending Eddie into cardiac arrest with just a flicker down of his eyes?
"I am. And I will be. I promise."
"Okay," Eddie said. "I'll take you up on that."
_____
Eddie woke up to the sound of a shower running and Steve singing wrong lyrics to an Abba Song. He smiled.
They hadn't really talked a lot more last night, Steve only finished patching up the last bruise on Eddie's stomach and then he had taken him to the guest bedroom and hugged him for what felt like at least a minute before he left for his own.
And Eddie had actually fallen asleep immediately after lying down because no matter how much was going on in his head, his body had just been way too exhausted.
This morning everything still ached and burned but at least the throb in his head had died down a little.
Eddie sat up a little and yawned. He noticed that the door was slightly ajar, probably because that way Steve could hear him if something was wrong and couldn't help but smile. It pulled the cut on his lip a little but it was worth it.
And then his brain really caught up.
Steve had kissed him.
Like...he had actually kissed him. It hadn't been Eddie's imagination or the head trauma.
His heart rate started to rise and he took two deep breaths because he didn't know what would happen.
Did Steve actually mean it?
Eddie was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't realize the shower had gone off and the singing stopped. He only noticed when there was a soft knock on his door and somebody pushed it open wider.
"Hey," Steve said and he was only wearing sweatpants. As in...no shirt at all. His hair was damp and falling into his face and Eddie was just so fucking in love with him, he could die. Or cry. Or both.
"Hi," Eddie croaked back and Steve smiled. With the breakdown gone, back was confident and strong Steve, the guy everyone could always count on would run head first in a fight to keep them protected.
"How are you feeling? I put some water and aspirin next to you for your head. And if you feel like you need an ice pack for anything again, let me know." His voice was soft and his smile even softer and if Eddie had thought for a second that maybe Steve wanted to act like nothing had happened, then he didn't anymore. Because Steve seemed so happy and...well...he also seemed kind of unguarded.
It wasn't like he was being especially vulnerable right now, or any less the usual Steve, but something was just a little different.
Like after he had let his walls down in front of Eddie, he just decided to never put them up again.
Eddie wanted to give him a thousand kisses for that decision alone.
Steve came closer and sat down on the bed.
"I'm much better," Eddie said, eyes on Steve and Steve only (what else was new?). "Thanks to you."
Steve gave a dry chuckle. "Or thanks to my shit parents."
"Don't fucking say that," Eddie whispered and his hand caught Steve's before he could stop himself.
Steve immediately wrapped his fingers around it and looked him deep into the eyes. He turned, so he was completely facing Eddie and there it was, even stronger than before:
Steve, 100 % open and honest, not even fear of judgment.
He felt safe with him now.
Eddie was so fucking happy about that, he could barely breathe.
"Eddie," Steve said.
"Steve," Eddie said.
"I love you," Steve said.
Eddie didn't say anything.
He didn't know how.
"I didn't just kiss you because I was being emotional and needed comfort and you happened to be there or any of the other bullshit you might have thought."
Eddie could still just stare.
"Can I please kiss you again, only you'll kiss me back this time?"
No fear.
It was the hottest thing Eddie had ever witnessed.
"Steve." He found his voice and almost laughed. "Of course, yeah, holy fuck, please kiss me."
And Steve did.
He leaned in and softly pressed his lips to Eddie's and this time, fucking shit fuckity fuck, this time it was really goddamn incredible.
His lips were soft but firm and Eddie felt warm and safe and beautiful under Steve's right hand that had snuck its way up to his face and cupped his cheek and when he pulled him even closer and Eddie gasped, Steve slipped a little tongue in between his lips and-
Eddie really felt like he was flying.
Kissing Steve was more than he'd ever wished for, it was even better than his imagination, it was- wait.
"Steve, wait, Steve!" He broke away and looked up at Steve's eyes, panting.
"What?"
"I love you, too."
The concern in Steve's eyes washed away, made room for a wide smile, that turned into a smirk and then into a little laugh that Eddie was sure could make flowers bloom or the sun shine brighter or any sentimental bs like that, because of how beautiful it was.
He squeezed Eddie's hand and pressed another kiss to his lips, this one short but still sweet and beautiful.
"You do?" He asked and when Eddie nodded and said, "I really do." and saw the love blooming in his eyes the last tiny piece of doubt flooded from his heart.
This was not a dream.
Steve liked him back.
Loved him, even.
Sometimes…sometimes in a world of pain things were beautiful. And this…Steve Harrington kissing him, laughing and smiling, and loving him…was definitely beautiful.