Archive of Our Own ^beta

The first time a flower appears on Yeonjun's skin he looks on in confusion. The second time a flower appears he cries. Yeonjun has lost count of how many flowers now decorate his body. 

He grimaces as he lifts a fork to his lips, almost dropping it as a sharp pain radiates through the back of his bicep.

Beomgyu’s eyes flick up and he peers at Yeonjun in a combination of concern and curiosity. “You just got another one, didn't you?”

Yeonjun doesn't answer immediately but he knows that the answer is yes. He sets down his fork with a sigh and stretches his arm in front of him, twisting it to get a better look. Sure enough, painted on his skin is a new flower. This one is small and blue, and Yeonjun shifts in his seat so that Beomgyu can get a better look at it.

“Know what this one is?”

Being friends with Beomgyu has many perks - none of which Yeonjun will admit, but one of them being the man’s knowledge of flower meanings.

Beomgyu looks at it for just a moment before nodding. “Yeah, it’s a windflower,” he says slowly, his brow furrowing. 

Yeonjun sighs. “I’m going to guess that one doesn’t have a good meaning, either?”

Beomgyu shakes his head. “It stands for fragility. It’s commonly a symbol of forsaken love.”

Being friends with a mythology obsessed botany major certainly has its perks. “Forsaken love,” Yeonjun mutters with a shake of his head, popping a piece of kimbap into his mouth. “What does that even mean?”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Beomgyu chides, wrinkling his nose at Yeonjun’s apparent lack of manners. “And also, maybe try broadening your vocabulary. Forsaken means abandoned or deserted.”

“I know what forsaken means,” Yeonjun grumbles. “That means a lover left them. Why did they have a lover if they have a soulmate somewhere out in the world?”

“You take everything too literally,” Beomgyu sighs, shaking his head. “A lover doesn't have to mean a significant other, Junie.”

Yeonjun raises an eyebrow in question and Beomgyu rolls his eyes. 

“ Think , Junie. Would you say you love people right now?”

“Of course,” he answers automatically. His lips pull up into a teasing grin and he leans closer to his best friend. “Is this your way of baiting me into saying I love you, Beomgyu? I'll say it freely, you know that. I love you, Beomgyu-ah.”

Beomgyu throws his plastic knife across the table at Yeonjun, who narrowly dodges it and stares back at his friend with an expression of mock hurt. “Stop being dumb for one second,” Beomgyu says, but his voice lacks any real bite. “I'm saying your soulmate could have been abandoned by someone that they love.”

Yeonjun blinks back at him, all signs of his earlier playfulness gone. “Oh,” he says softly. “I didn’t think of that.”

“They probably saw it coming though,” Beomgyu muses, popping a piece of kimbap into his mouth. Despite the way he chided Yeonjun for it, he doesn’t even bother to finish chewing before he starts speaking again. “Just two weeks ago you got the pink ones next to the windflower, right? Remember what those are?”

Yeonjun looks helplessly down at the back of his arm and tries to rack his brain for the meaning of the delicate pink flowers that had seared their way onto his skin two weeks prior, but he’s drawing a blank. “I’ve got nothing,” he admits. 

Beomgyu doesn’t seem surprised by this. “They’re begonias,” he explains. “They’re actually seen as an omen of bad luck, but more specifically they can also symbolize negligence. Your soulmate probably knew something like this was going to happen if they felt the pain so strongly that it ended up on your arm.”

Yeonjun frowns, thinking about the many flowers that decorated his body. “How many flowers do you think I’ve put on my soulmate?” he asks curiously, deciding that wondering about that is a lot less depressing than wondering why his soulmate had put so many flowers on his body.

Beomgyu merely shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe two or three? It’s normal to end up with a few flowers on you.” He points to the delicate pink flower that takes up most of his left bicep as if to make a point.

“I think I have more flowers than I do clear patches of skin at this point,” Yeonjun counters, rubbing his arm self-consciously.

His best friend nods at that, his gaze turning thoughtful as he takes a drink of water. “Yeah, what you have going on is not normal,” he concludes, rather unhelpfully. “I feel bad for your soulmate and I don’t even know them.”

Yeonjun doesn't blame his best friend for the way he responds, but his lips twist into a frown all the same. It's easy not to think about the flowers decorating his body when he's spending time with friends, and he keeps his skin covered on days he knows that he's going to be out, but at the end of the day when he catches glimpses of his flower-painted skin in the mirror, he can't help but wonder what his soulmate is going through.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Yeonjun goes a month without a new flower appearing - it's one of the most peaceful months he’s experienced in a long time. He gets a new flower the day he meets Soobin. Hours after the flower blooms on the back of his calf - “A yellow rose,” Beomgyu gasps, “that symbolizes infidelity, you know.” - Beomgyu’s friend Kai calls him frantically, which is exactly how they end up with the new boy in their apartment.

Soobin is a quiet boy with light blue hair the same color as the blue windflower on the back of Yeonjun’s bicep. “Thanks for inviting me,” he murmurs a little sheepishly, ducking his head as he speaks.

Yeonjun wonders if it’s absurd to want to put someone taller than him into his pocket. He decides right then and there that he doesn’t have the heart to tell Soobin that he wasn’t quite invited by Beomgyu or himself, and instead pulls his lips into a small smile. “Of course, Soobin. We trust Kai’s judgment….mostly,” he tacks on with a grin, delighting in the way Kai’s eyes widen in mock offense. “Any friend of his is welcome.”

It’s a stretch - anyone who knows Yeonjun knows that it’s a stretch - but luckily for Yeonjun, Soobin doesn’t know him at all. Soobin smiles, his brown eyes shining with what Yeonjun thinks is a glimmer of hope, and suddenly Yeonjun doesn't feel like he's lying anymore - in a split second he has decided that Soobin truly is welcome. “Thank you.”

Yeonjun waves away the thanks with a flick of his hand and Beomgyu gives him a strange look. “Want something to drink? Should we order food? It's not a hangout without food.”

“I want pizza!” Kai shouts.

Beomgyu rolls his eyes and walks further into the apartment, yelling over his shoulder about how he's going to kick everyone's ass at Mario Kart, and Yeonjun’s heart feels full.

They learn that Soobin is very good at Mario Kart. They also learn that Soobin is very competitive. He hunches forward, controller gripped tightly in his hands and his brows furrowed in concentration.

“Distract him!” Beomgyu screeches, tightly gripping his own controller. He's steadily falling behind Soobin, who has started laughing uncontrollably. 

“That's cheating,” Soobin counters between laughs, but he doesn't seem particularly bothered.

“Beomgyu isn't above cheating,” Yeonjun says lazily, stretching out on the couch beside Soobin. “Anything is fair in Mario Kart.”

Soobin’s eyes seem to light up at this and suddenly Yeonjun isn't sure if admitting this was a good idea. “I'll keep that in mind,” he hums a little too happily. Yeonjun decides that opening his mouth was a bad thing.

“Bad move, Yeonjun,” Kai confirms through a mouthful of pizza. “Very bad move.”

They don't get a chance to learn how Soobin plans to use this new information to his advantage. Yeonjun stretches out again and his joggers get pushed up his leg, revealing his calf and the edge of a flower that's inked into his skin there.

Soobin looks sideways, presumably to talk shit to Beomgyu, and his eyes catch on the yellow rose that had inked its way into Yeonjun’s skin just hours earlier. His lips part into a small o and that's all the time that Beomgyu needs to rush forward and push Soobin off the map. Beomgyu cackles with glee, completely unaware of what happened, and Yeonjun flushes as he quickly pulls the leg of his jogger back down and over his calf.

Soobin seems to realize what he's done and a faint blush spreads across his own cheeks. “I-I’m sorry,” he stammers.

Yeonjun smiles and shakes his head, waving his hand dismissively. “It's fine,” he says, hoping he sounds nonchalant. It's not, and Soobin knows it.

Later in the evening as Kai and Beomgyu screech at each other over who's cheating and who's not Soobin leans over towards Yeonjun. He clears his throat and speaks quietly, keeping his gaze trained on the hands that he wrings nervously in his lap. “I’m sorry about earlier,” he starts. 

“Really, it's fine,” Yeonjun says. He winces at how fake it sounds even to his own ears.

Soobin smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes. “It's not,” he says simply, unafraid to let Yeonjun know that he sees right through him. “But I promise I didn't react like that for the reason you think.”

Yeonjun waits for Soobin to look up at him and raises an eyebrow in a silent prompt for him to continue.

“I know the flowers aren't supposed to be anything to be admired… but I think they're pretty,” he admits quietly, still refusing to meet Yeonjun's gaze.

Yeonjun doesn’t mean to, he really doesn’t, but he can’t stop himself from scoffing. “Do you look at your own and find them pretty?” he asks a bit too bitterly. Soobin stays silent for a moment and Yeonjun worries that he’s gone too far. His mouth opens and closes uselessly as he tries to figure out a way to take back what he’s said, but ultimately he doesn’t have to. 

“I don’t have any,” Soobin admits in a voice that’s almost too low to hear.

Yeonjun gapes at the boy. “You what?”

“I don’t have any,” Soobin repeats, his voice a bit firmer. Yeonjun blinks back at him for a moment, stunned into silence, and Soobin smiles sadly back at him. “That’s about the response I tend to get, yeah,” he says with a small nod.

It’s now Yeonjun’s turn to feel flustered. “I-I’m sorry,” he stammers, his face heating even as he sees amusement dancing in Soobin’s eyes. “I just… didn’t expect to hear that.”

“No one does,” Soobin says with a chuckle, but it sounds hollow. He crosses his arms over his chest and sighs, letting his head lean back against the couch. “Twenty-two years old and not a single sign of my soulmate.”

Everyone has heard of it happening - someone being born without a soulmate. Yeonjun has always believed it was just a tall tale because surely everyone has someone that they’re destined to be with. “It could just mean that your soulmate has had a really good life,” Yeonjun tries. “The marks only appear when something bad happens, you know.”

Soobin nods but it doesn’t seem like he believes it. “That’s true,” he allows. “That’s what Kai tells me, too. I can’t help but get nervous sometimes though, you know?” Yeonjun can’t quite agree because he doesn’t know - he doesn’t have a single clue. He nods nonetheless, and this seems to pull a laugh out of Soobin. “You could at least try to look like you understand,” Soobin scolds half-heartedly.

Yeonjun at least has the decency to look embarrassed, the tips of his ears going red as he nervously scratches the back of his neck. “I, uh, I actually have the opposite problem,” he admits quietly, surprising even himself.

Soobin looks over at him with wide eyes. “What do you mean?”

Yeonjun hesitates for a moment before bending forward and pulling up his joggers and letting Soobin see the full flower that covers his calf. He pulls his joggers up even farther until they get caught just over his knee, but it’s high enough for Soobin to see the edge of another flower inked into his thigh. “I have… a lot of flowers,” Yeonjun admits as he pulls off the hoodie he’s wearing and exposes his flower-covered arms. “More than most people consider normal.”

Soobin leans towards Yeonjun almost without thinking, his eyes carefully tracing every flower tattoo that he can see. Typically Yeonjun shies away from the attention, wary of the pity in everyone’s eyes once they notice the state of his skin, but Soobin doesn’t look at him like that. Soobin looks at each flower with a sense of awe almost as if he’s admiring art. He opens his mouth as if to say something and then quickly closes it, glancing apologetically at Yeonjun despite the fact that he hasn't said a single word.

Yeonjun can’t help but chuckle. “You were going to call them pretty again, weren’t you?”

Soobin’s face flushes as he nods. “They are,” he murmurs quietly, so quietly that Yeonjun almost doesn’t hear it.

Yeonjun looks down at his arms and takes a moment to trace each flower with his gaze, stopping to appreciate the way the flowers appear on his skin as if they had been painted with watercolors. He takes a moment to appreciate how vibrant the colors are and how they stand out against his skin. “Maybe they are,” he allows, speaking nearly as quietly as Soobin. He can tell Soobin hears him by the way the other’s lips curve up ever so slightly. “But they’re sad too.”

Soobin nods at this, finally leaning away from Yeonjun and resting his back against the couch again. “I guess they are sad,” he agrees. He’s speaking quietly still but his voice sounds sadder now.

Yeonjun notices the difference immediately and he looks over at Soobin with a frown. “You’ll get some, Soobin,” he says. “Don’t worry.”

Soobin smiles at this and shakes his head. “I hope I will,” he says, “but that’s actually not what I was thinking about.”

Yeonjun thinks that the moment they’re sharing is too fragile for the environment they find themselves in, but the yelling of Kai and Beomgyu in the background are almost comforting in the certainty they bring that the conversation he’s having with Soobin won’t be heard. “Then what are you thinking about?” The question comes out softer than planned and Yeonjun worries that Soobin won’t hear him, but the small sigh that the other releases lets Yeonjun know that he was heard.

“I worry I’ve put too many flowers on my soulmate.”

The quiet admission stuns Yeonjun and he’s not quite sure how to react. Soobin is speaking again before he can even think of a response.

“I can deal with the fact that I’ve had a lot of sad things happen in my life, but I don’t want those things marking my soulmate. I don’t want them to be negatively impacted by them, you know?”

“How would that negatively impact your soulmate?” Yeonjun questions, his brow furrowing. “Of course they’d be sad when they realized they got another flower, but it would only be because they’re worried about you.”

Soobin lets out a laugh at this which confuses Yeonjun even more. “Yeonjun, you’re very kind but you’re not very convincing.”

“Why not?” Yeonjun counters, his lower lip jutting out into a pout.

Soobin just laughs more. “You completely cover your body because you don’t want people to stare at the flowers on your body. You hide yourself. I worry that my soulmate will be ashamed of the flowers on their skin,” he admits, his voice going soft again. “That they’ll be embarrassed by the attention that they get for them. I can only hope that the things that have happened to me haven’t hurt my soulmate…if I even have one.”

“You have one,” Yeonjun says immediately. “I know you do.”

Soobin raises an eyebrow at him. “How would you know?”

“I just do.” Yeonjun says it like it’s true, like it’s something certain, because to him it is. He looks at Soobin and thinks to himself that there’s no way someone as kind as him doesn’t have a soulmate. He knows that the world can be cruel - the flowers painted on his skin are a reminder of that - but he doesn’t think it’s so cruel that someone like Soobin would end up without someone to call his own. 

Soobin must recognize the certainty in his Yeonjun’s voice because he looks at the boy curiously for a moment before relaxing into the couch cushions, letting out a soft sigh as he does so. “I hope you’re right, Yeonjun. I really do.”

“I am,” Yeonjun says airily, his tone lighter as he smiles brightly at Soobin. “I always am.”

Later that night after Kai and Soobin have left and Beomgyu has long since fallen asleep, Yeonjun stands in his bedroom and stares at himself in the mirror. He wears nothing but boxers and allows his gaze to travel across the flowers inked across his skin in a new light. He traces each one carefully and commits to memory their shapes and colors. As he lies in bed and lets sleep overtake him he thinks to himself that he’ll ask Beomgyu their meanings again, and this time he’ll remember them.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Yeonjun gets halfway through his lunch before finally glaring at Beomgyu. “Would you pick your jaw up off the table and eat already?” he snaps.

Beomgyu, to his credit, isn’t even remotely bothered by Yeonjun’s attitude. He slowly closes his mouth, his gaze never leaving Yeonjun’s face even as he - finally - picks up his chopsticks. “I’m not sorry,” he says simply, looking down at his plate as he mulls over which piece of food he should shove into his mouth first. “This is a momentous occasion and I refuse to let it go unacknowledged.”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Yeonjun grumbles, but he knows that he’s wrong. It is a big deal.

“Choi Yeonjun,” Beomgyu starts, and Yeonjun has to resist the urge to roll his eyes. “I can’t remember the last time I even saw your biceps - they look great by the way, good to know you’re still working out.”

Yeonjun rolls his eyes but his features soften. He’s grateful for the compliment because he recognizes it for what it is - a gentle way of praising him for getting out of his comfort zone and taking a step towards not caring about what others think. Beomgyu is funny in the way that he acknowledges things and the way that he compliments people, but he’s also perfect at understanding that the disguised compliments and assurances are exactly what Yeonjun needs. “Of course I still work out,” he huffs. “I can’t get lazy like you.”

“Yah,” Beomgyu complains, his cheeks stuffed full of rice. “You’re not supposed to insult someone after they compliment you. Anyway, all I’m saying is you look nice when you’re not drowning in a hoodie.”

You look nice when you’re not hiding yourself away. Yeonjun hears the unsaid statement. His heart aches at the thought of it. He decides to roll his eyes again instead of dwelling on the feeling. “It’s hot today,” he says simply, as if that has ever stopped him from donning long sleeves before.

Beomgyu is kind enough not to bring that fact up, merely shaking his head in response. “Kai said he wants to join us for lunch,” he says instead, effectively changing the subject.

Yeonjun raises an eyebrow. “I’m nearly done with mine. Where the hell is he?”

Beomgyu shrugs. “It’s not my fault you inhale your food like it’s going to run away. Don’t look at me like that, it’s true!”

“It most certainly is no-”

“It’s true,” a new voice interrupts. Yeonjun scowls as he turns to find Kai walking towards their table, a devilish grin playing on his lips. “For someone who’s studying to be a chef it’s astounding what little time you spend actually enjoying your food.”

Before Yeonjun can protest he hears a loud cackle that doesn’t come from any of them. It’s only then that he notices the blue-haired boy trailing just behind Kai. Yeonjun’s lips turn down into a full pout. “You guys are going to make me look bad in front of Soobin.”

Beomgyu cackles in response as Kai drops into the seat next to him, leaving Soobin to sit timidly beside Yeonjun. “He was bound to find out eventually.”

“There’s nothing to find out,” Yeonjun mutters, but his complaints fall on deaf ears. Kai and Beomgyu have already started complaining about physics and if there’s one thing Yeonjun has learned it’s that nothing can stop them once they’ve chosen to travel down this path.

“There’s always something to find out,” Soobin says with a small smile, his gaze trained on his tray.

Yeonjun looks sideways at the boy, shoving a piece of food in his mouth as he does so. “That sounds ominous,” he notes around a bite of food.

Soobin can’t seem to help but laugh and he nods in answer. “It is,” he affirms, finally looking sideways at Yeonjun. The words might seem chilling coming from anyone else but the sideways grin on Soobin’s face looks nothing but cute. “I like your t-shirt, by the way.”

It’s an offhand comment that would likely mean nothing coming from someone else but Yeonjun thinks he understands what Soobin’s getting at. “It’s kind of old,” Yeonjun says, looking down at the faded design on the front of it.

“I think that’s part of its charm.”

“That’s also part of Yeonjun’s charm,” Beomgyu points out, a bright smile on his face. “Being old, I mean.”

Soobin seems caught between a laugh and an apology that he has no reason to give but Yeonjun pays him no attention. “Yah!” he yells, pointing his fork threateningly across the table. “I’m not that much older than you!”

“You’re still older.”

“Then why don’t you pay me any respect?” Yeonjun counters, his voice still raised.

Kai has already fallen into a laughing fit and Soobin looks between the two in mild curiosity, his concern fading and turning to amusement as he realizes that their fight isn’t anything serious.

“I give respect where respect is due,” Beomgyu says seriously.

It takes both Kai and Soobin to hold Yeonjun back from throwing himself across the table at the younger boy. It doesn’t help that Beomgyu stays in his seat and cackles loudly as if his very being isn’t in danger.

“Do you always let him rile you up like this?” Soobin asks Yeonjun with a small smile once they’ve finally gotten the older to calm down.

Yeonjun doesn’t miss the amusement swimming in his brown eyes. “He just has a way of getting under my skin,” Yeonjun grumbles, stabbing rather violently at a dumpling on his tray.

“I have a theory,” Soobin hums, his gaze is turned back on his food but Yeonjun can tell that he’s extremely invested in whatever he’s about to say.

“You’ve seen us interact twice now and you have a theory?” Yeonjun scoffs, but his tone is teasing. He can tell that Soobin understands by the way his lips pull up into a grin. “Let’s hear this theory of yours.”

“I think you let him get under your skin.”

Yeonjun raises an eyebrow. “And why would I do that?”

“Easy,” Soobin says, looking over at him again. “To make him laugh.”

Yeonjun pauses in chewing his food and looks incredulously at Soobin, his brows furrowed and his lips pursed. “Beomgyu does an amazing job of making himself laugh, if you haven’t noticed. Why would I try to make him laugh?”

Soobin laughs at this and nods in agreement. “Believe me, I’ve noticed,” he says with a grin. “But that’s not really the point. You indulge him, Yeonjun. I can see the way your gaze gets all soft when he laughs - even when it’s at your expense. You like to see him happy.”

Yeonjun would like to tell Soobin that he’s wrong. That he just doesn’t know him and Beomgyu well enough and actually everyone knows that Beomgyu is the bane of his existence. But while that statement may very well be true, Soobin’s observation runs even truer. Yeonjun cherishes Beomgyu more than he will ever admit to the younger and he does, in fact, allow Beomgyu to push his buttons for the express purpose of seeing him smile. So Yeonjun says nothing. He sits there and lets a small stupid smile take over his features as he watches Beomgyu start an argument over nothing with Kai, and when he finally turns to face Soobin he finds the boy already looking at him with a knowing smile.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he finally tells Soobin, but they both know that he does.

Soobin nods. “I must be wrong,” he says, his serious tone contrasting sharply with the smile that still plays on his lips. “As you so correctly pointed out, I’ve only seen you guys interact twice. What would I know?”

“What would you know,” Yeonjun murmurs, unable to stop himself from chuckling at the words. Soobin says nothing but the smug smile that overtakes his features speaks volumes and Yeonjun finds himself wondering how he can be so easily read by someone who hardly knows him. “You know what I think, Soobin?”

Soobin quirks an eyebrow up at the question and cocks his head to the side, silently prompting Yeonjun to keep speaking. 

“I think you’re too observant for your own good.”

Soobin chuckles at this and nods, turning his attention back to Beomgyu and Kai. “I’ve heard that before.”

Yeonjun doesn’t doubt it.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

“What do you guys think of Soobin?” Kai poses the question one day as the three of them are lounging in Kai’s shared apartment.

Yeonjun can feel Beomgyu shift to look at Kai, his head turning in Yeonjun’s lap. “What about him?”

Kai shrugs his gaze still trained on the TV as he zooms around Rainbow Road, completely unconcerned with the fact that Yeonjun is hot on his heels. “What do you think of him? Do you like him?”

Beomgyu is the first to answer. “He’s quiet.”

Yeonjun can’t help but laugh at this and he shakes his head, sparing Beomgyu a quick glance. “You say that like it’s a bad thing,” he says, his tone laced with amusement. “Not everyone can be as noisy as you, Gyu. I think his silence is good. He balances out the rest of you.”

Beomgyu scoffs in fake offense but the sound is drowned out by the laugh that Kai lets out. “You might have a point,” Kai says, ignoring the way that Beomgyu squawks in protest. The younger pushes himself off of Yeonjun, ignoring the way that the older curses at him when he ends up flying off the map due to Beomgyu’s disregard for the controller in his hands. “You seem to like him, Yeonjun.”

Yeonjun hums in response, a quiet acknowledgement of the statement. Somehow the sound is enough to make Beomgyu grin - Yeonjun instantly feels nervous.

“You’re relaxed around him,” Beomgyu notes, plucking the controller out of Yeonjun’s hands after he inevitably loses his race against Kai. “It’s unusual.”

Yeonjun scowls. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What do you mean, ‘what’s that supposed to mean’?” Beomgyu counters, raising an eyebrow at him. “It means exactly what it means. Since when are you so comfortable around strangers?”

Yeonjun shrugs, folding his arms across his chest in a position that he knows is more defensive than it needs to be. Of course he knows what Beomgyu is getting at. Despite the fact that he is popular - according to both Kai and Beomgyu, Yeonjun himself would disagree - and gets along well with his peers, he isn’t one to open up easily. He can’t remember how long it took for him to open up to Beomgyu. He should have known that his best friend would have noticed the easy way he talks with Soobin - as if he’s known him for far longer than just a few days.

Surprisingly, Kai is the one to spare him from his own discomfort. “Soobin has that effect on people,” he says easily, a smile playing on his lips. “He’s just so easy to like. So easy to love.”

Yeonjun won’t admit it but he agrees. “How did you meet him?” he asks instead. The question feels safe.

“Taehyun.”

“Ah, the mysterious roommate,” Beomgyu says, waggling his eyebrows. “Can’t believe you get to meet his friends but you won’t let him meet yours.”

“T-that’s not true,” Kai counters. Yeonjun swears he can see the faintest blush dusting the tops of his cheeks. “Your schedules just never line up!”

“This has been going on for too long for it to be a coincidence,” Beomgyu sniffs. “There’s no way it’s not intentional.”

“Why would it be intentional?” Kai all but screeches, sounding offended. Too offended.

Yeonjun knows that he should play nice - Kai did just save his ass after all - but he can’t help the way his lips curl up into a sly smirk. “Relax, Beomgyu,” he says lightly. “Kai would never keep someone from us intentionally.” A look of relief washes over Kai and Yeonjun almost feels bad that he’s about to rip it away - almost. “Not unless he, oh I don’t know… has a crush on them.”

Kai’s face falls instantly - it’s all the confirmation Yeonjun needs. He wants to shout that he knew it all along and maybe pretend to be upset that Kai tried keeping this hidden from them but he can't. His breath hitches and then suddenly he's doubling over with laughter, leaning to his side and resting on Beomgyu who's also too busy laughing to act offended. 

“Y-you're misunderstanding the situation,” Kai stutters, his face growing progressively redder. “That's not what's happening at all.”

Yeonjun hums in response and Beomgyu laughs harder. Kai screeches. 

It's at that moment that the doorknob turns and the front door opens. Standing in the doorway is a boy slightly shorter than Yeonjun himself with warm brown eyes and blonde hair, and he regards the three boys in the apartment with an expression torn between confusion and amusement.

“Um, hello?”

“Hello?” Yeonjun questions back, just as confused. 

“Hello!” Beomgyu says brightly. “Who are you?”

Kai groans in what sounds like defeat and the man in the doorway grins, gently shutting the door behind him. “I'm Taehyun and this is my apartment,” he says, amusement bleeding through his voice. “Who are you?”

Beomgyu gasps, his brown eyes growing wide, and ignores Taehyun’s question entirely. “The mystery roommate!”

Taehyun’s eyebrows raise just a fraction. “The what now?”

“That's Beomgyu,” Yeonjun cuts in, somehow resisting the urge to sigh. “I'm Yeonjun. We're Kai’s friends.”

Kai manages to completely ignore the introductions - and the fact that he didn't lead them. “You’re home early,” he blurts. “I didn’t think you’d be back yet.”

Taehyun hums in acknowledgement as he toes off his shoes. “Sunoo had to cancel his tutoring session today so I had no reason to stay out.” He pauses a moment after straightening his shoes and peers at Kai curiously, cocking his head to the side. “Did you not want me to meet your friends?”

Kai goes red again. “N-no that's not it,” he stutters.

Yeonjun figures the least he can do is save Kai like Kai had saved him earlier. “I think it's the opposite - he didn't want us to meet you. He thinks we can be a lot to handle.”

“I don't think that,” Kai grumbles as he breathes out a sigh of relief. “I know that.”

Yeonjun smiles. “He was trying to save you, really.”

Taehyun huffs a laugh. “How kind of him.” He makes his way over to the kitchen and digs through the fridge, calling over his shoulder to ask if anyone wants any drinks or a snack. 

Kai shoots Yeonjun a small smile of gratitude and Yeonjun smiles back before leaning over and plucking the game controller out of Beomgyu’s hands. “Rematch?” he asks Kai, ignoring Beomgyu’s whines. 

Kai grins at him. “You're on.”

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Soobin somehow becomes a regular part of Yeonjun’s life - as constant a presence as Beomgyu and Kai. With the unintentional meeting of Taehyun, he too ends up becoming a regular in their friend group. Yeonjun is surprised to find that he doesn’t mind. The presence of both boys is warm, and he thinks that they both compliment his already established friend group rather well. Lunch together becomes a regular occurrence on the days they all have a free afternoon, and Yeonjun finds that he rather looks forward to those days.

Soobin’s initial tentative seat next to Yeonjun becomes a permanent one, and Beomgyu manages to trick Taehyun into sitting between him and Kai.

“It is a sandwich!” Yeonjun hears Beomgyu insisting as he makes his way to the table, letting his tray clatter onto the table as a means of announcing his arrival. No one pays him any attention.

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” Taehyun counters. “When someone says, ‘Hey I want a sandwich’, there is absolutely no way you think of a hotdog.”

“That doesn’t mean that a hotdog isn’t a sandwich!”

“Not this again,” Yeonjun groans, sinking into his seat with less enthusiasm than usual. He may be able to find enjoyment in Beomgyu’s pointless arguments on a good day, but today is definitely not a good day. The back of his thigh still stings with the memory of the new shape that has seared itself onto his skin and he’s having a hard time finding the beauty in the white flower. He turns to complain to Soobin - the younger always seems to find amusement in his groanings - but is surprised to find that Soobin isn’t sporting the amused grin that usually graces his features during lunch.

Soobin’s lips are still curved up in a small smile but it's easy for Yeonjun to see that it's fake - a shadow of the happiness that Yeonjun has grown accustomed to seeing. There are shadows under his eyes and Yeonjun swears his eyes look a bit red. He places a hand on the younger’s thigh, startling him and making it apparent that he hasn’t been paying attention to a single thing happening at the table. 

“Are you okay?”

Soobin looks back at him and blinks slowly, almost as if he’s trying to decide whether or not he’s going to answer Yeonjun at all. Finally he does speak, shaking his head as he does so. “No,” he says softly. “Not really.”

“Can I help at all?”

“No, not really.”

Yeonjun isn’t exactly sad by the answer - in fact, he had kind of expected it - but that doesn’t stop a pang of sadness from shooting through him. He nods at Soobin and offers him a small smile. “Let me know if I can, okay?”

Soobin nods but it’s clear to Yeonjun that Soobin won’t be reaching out for help anytime soon. Before Yeonjun can dwell on it any longer Soobin tries to change the topic. “Were you trying to get my attention earlier?” he asks, diverting his gaze to the orange sitting on his tray. He grabs it and seems to roll it mindlessly between his palms, starting to peel it as he looks back up at Yeonjun. “Did you want to talk about something?”

Yeonjun thinks of the new flower on his calf and suddenly feels very silly. In the grand scheme of things, one new flower isn’t the end of the world - hell, ten new flowers wouldn’t be the end of the world. Yeonjun notices the pain on Soobin’s face that he’s trying to pretend isn’t there and decides that it deserves infinitely more attention than the flower inked onto his skin that doesn’t even hurt anymore. So Yeonjun decides that no, his day isn’t going that poorly after all and no, there isn’t anything very important he wants to talk about. “I can’t stop thinking about how you beat me at Smash yesterday,” Yeonjun lies, his lower lip jutting out into a pout. “I’m convinced you were cheating. I’m a Smash master.”

Soobin’s eyes widen in faint surprise and his lips curve up into a small amused smile. “There’s no way that’s true,” he says. “You were horrible.”

Yeonjun’s shout of outrage isn’t even slightly faked. “What do you mean horrible?!”

His outburst is enough to pull the other three out of their argument. Beomgyu turns his attention to his best friend with a sigh. “I don’t know the context of this conversation, but I agree with Soobin.”

“You traitor!”

“Yeonjun,” Beomgyu says seriously, “I would have had to have been on your side first to be considered a traitor.”

It takes Soobin and Kai both to hold Yeonjun back as Beomgyu munches happily on his apple and Taehyun watches the scene unfold in slight horror.

“I promise this is normal,” Kai is trying to explain to Taehyun, ignoring the obscenities that come from the boy he's physically restraining. “We're all good friends - these two really like each other!”

Taehyun looks unsure but he doesn't leave the table, which they all consider a win. 

Soobin waits until Yeonjun has calmed down from his fake outburst to speak again. “Yeonjun,” he says softly.

Yeonjun looks over at him with a raised eyebrow as if nothing had just happened. “Hm?”

“Has anyone ever told you that you're dramatic?”

Yeonjun pretends to think the question over as he sips on his juice. “Maybe once or twice,” he finally answers.

Soobin nods, pressing his lips together as he tries to keep himself from smiling. “I think the actual number is higher than that because you're very dramatic, but I'll allow it.”

Yeonjun scowls but Soobin is speaking again before he can even try to defend himself. 

“I like it.”

Yeonjun’s eyes widen slightly. “Huh?”

Soobin chuckles. “How dramatic you are. I like it.”

“Thanks,” Yeonjun murmurs, trying - and failing - to hold back his own smile. He decidedly ignores the warm feeling spreading throughout his chest. 

Soobin merely laughs again and turns to say something to Kai as if nothing had happened - and technically nothing had happened, but Yeonjun’s fluttering heart would say otherwise.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Yeonjun is convinced that Beomgyu is a demon who was sent to earth with the sole purpose of making his life more difficult than it needs to be. The demon had barged into Yeonjun’s apartment like it was his own - Yeonjun knew he never should have given him the spare key - and thrown himself on top of Yeonjun where he was trying to enjoy a morning in. 

“We have something important to discuss,” Beomgyu says, his voice muffled due to the fact that his face is currently smooshed against Yeonjun’s shoulder. 

Yeonjun pretends he doesn't understand. “Let me sleep,” he mumbles instead, further curling in on himself. He tucks his knees to his chest, effectively curling into a fetal position. 

Beomgyu doesn't care. He drapes his body further over Yeonjun’s, pressing his face harder into Yeonjun’s shoulder and wrapping an arm around Yeonjun's waist. “Junie, please,” he whines. “It's important.”

“It's 8am,” Yeonjun groans. “Nothing could possibly be this important. Why are you even awake?”

“I rise with the sun.”

“That's a crime,” Yeonjun grumbles, but his voice lacks any real bite.

“Junieeee,” Beomgyu whines.

Yeonjun knows that sleep is no longer an option. He sighs and slowly uncurls himself, stretching out his arms and legs and smiling to himself as Beomgyu takes the opportunity to wind an arm tighter around his waist. “Coffee first.”

They sit on the couch in the living room that Yeonjun shares with his roommate, Yeonjun cradling a hot mug between his hands while Beomgyu sets his down on the floor beside him. “Are you sufficiently awake now?”

“No,” Yeonjun answers, ignoring the way Beomgyu rolls his eyes. He closes his own eyes and lets out a small hum of happiness as he drinks from his cup. Yeonjun doesn't open his eyes until after he swallows and finds a very impatient Beomgyu looking back at him. He can't help but chuckle softly as he relaxes into the couch cushions. “What is so incredibly important, Gyu?” he asks. His voice is laced with amusement but it's also soft and kind. 

“We need to talk about Soobin.”

Yeonjun raises an eyebrow. “What about him?”

“Your crush on him.”

Yeonjun nearly chokes on his coffee. “My what?” he asks incredulously.

Beomgyu smirks. “Oh, c'mon Yeonjun. It's so obvious.”

“O-obvious?” Yeonjun stammers. He can feel his cheeks heating up. “There's nothing to be obvious about, Gyu. I don't have a crush on him.”

“To your best friend in the whole wide world? Yes, of course,” Beomgyu scoffs, completely ignoring the last part of Yeonjun's statement. “To anyone else? Probably not.”

“I think my best friend in the whole wide world might be losing his touch. I don't have a crush on anyone.”

“Not just anyone. Soobin. You have a crush on Soobin.”

“I do not.”

“Yeonjun,” Beomgyu groans, throwing himself across the couch and effectively draping himself across Yeonjun’s legs. “Please stop lying to yourself. I am begging you here. As your best friend, please.”

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Yeonjun asserts, crossing his arms across his chest. “I don't like Soobin.” Yeonjun is lying to himself - he very much likes Soobin, he has just decided to ignore it. Sadly for him, Beomgyu is well aware of this fact. 

“I desperately need you to cut the shit,” Beomgyu says on a heavy sigh. “It's okay to have a crush on someone, you know.”

Yeonjun scowls, unable to stop himself. “Having a crush is pointless,” he mumbles, opting to look up at the ceiling rather than down at Beomgyu – he can feel the way the younger is frowning at him without even looking at him.

“You’re allowed to have fun before you find your soulmate.”

“It’s pointless,” Yeonjun repeats. “Why let yourself indulge in liking someone if they’re not the person you’re meant to be with?”

Beomgyu shrugs, his shoulders rubbing against Yeonjun’s legs. “Life is too short not to enjoy yourself, Yeonjun. Besides, you don’t instantly know if someone is your soulmate. You have to get to know them first. You’re not really letting yourself get to know anyone, now are you?”

Yeonjun’s scowl deepens and he finally looks down at Beomgyu. His friend is no longer looking at him, his eyes closed and hands folded across his chest. “What brought all of this on?”

Beomgyu cracks an eye open and peers at Yeonjun for a moment before closing it again. “Dude, I’m your best friend. I can see that you have a massive crush on that guy and I need you to act on it.”

“Why?”

Beomgyu sighs and opens his eyes, pushing himself off of Yeonjun’s lap and twisting so that he’s facing the boy. “I need you to listen to me and not be defensive for just one moment. Can you do that?”

“I suppose,” Yeonjun allows, taking another drink of his coffee. He lets the warmth of the drink wash over him and tries to let it relax him. He tries to ignore the way that his body automatically tenses at the turn that the conversation has taken.

Like the good friend that he is, Beomgyu sees right through him. “Yeonjun,” he says slowly.

Yeonjun holds back a sigh – he knows that voice. Beomgyu is using his ‘Yeonjun, I’m being serious’ voice. His friend only pulls out this voice when he thinks that Yeonjun is being either particularly stubborn or particularly stupid – sometimes both. “Yes?”

“I need you to start thinking of yourself.”

Yeonjun’s brow furrows. “I am thinking of myself,” he says slowly.

Beomgyu shakes his head. “No you’re not.”

“Gyu, yes I-”

“No, you’re not,” Beomgyu insists, his tone patient. “You’re scared and you’re letting that fear guide your decisions right now. I need you to actually do something for yourself – do something that you want to do. Take a second to let yourself even figure out what you want to do.”

“You act like I never do anything, Gyu,” Yeonjun mumbles, staring down at the coffee in his hands – he finds that he no longer feels like drinking it.

“I knew you couldn’t go a second without being defensive,” Beomgyu sighs, but there’s no real bite to his words. “Of course you do things. But you keep getting so hung up on this soulmate thing.”

“How could I not?” Yeonjun asks, his lower lip jutting out into a pout. “I’m reminded of it almost every second of every day, Gyu. You’ve seen my skin.”

“So much more of it lately, it’s very nice,” Beomgyu notes, ignoring the way that Yeonjun rolls his eyes. “I know the soulmate thing weighs heavy on you – and I know that it weighs heavier on you than it does the rest of us, I can see that.”

“Maybe not more than it weighs on Soobin,” Yeonjun hums thoughtfully – it was the wrong thing to say.

“Ah, there it is,” Beomgyu responds, a smile playing on his lips. “You don’t even realize how often you do it, do you?”

“Do what?”

“Mention Soobin.”

Yeonjun pauses, mouth open as though he’s going to deny it, but he slowly snaps his jaw shut as he realizes that Beomgyu is right. “No,” he says quietly. “I don’t.”

“Then let me tell you. It happens a lot. I mean, a lot. Yeonjun, you used to constantly be all ‘Woe is me, I have so many flowers on my skin’ , and I mean, none of us could say anything because yes you do and yes that sucks. But then you met Soobin and now you wear t-shirts like the rest of us, and even though you got a new flower on your leg last week – don’t look at me like that, of course I noticed – you didn’t say a word. Hell, you didn’t even ask me what it symbolizes.”

“What does it symbolize?” Yeonjun asks dumbly, still working to process everything else that his friend has said to him.

“I don’t know. I don’t remember what it is. That’s literally not the important part of what I was saying, like, at all.”

“I know, I know, I just got distracted,” Yeonjun says quickly, trying desperately to defend himself.

Beomgyu shakes his head but there’s a small smile playing on his lips. “Yeonjun, I don’t know what it is but Soobin makes you happy. I just want to see you happy, okay? I mean really happy. And I don’t know what it is about him but he brings something out in you. He makes you forget to be all sad.”

“He makes me think that these flowers are a blessing,” Yeonjun murmurs quietly, looking down at the flowers decorating his skin. “They’re a reminder that there is someone out there for me, you know? I don’t know what they’re going through and I really hope it gets better. But… they’re there. There’s someone out there for me.”

Beomgyu is silent for a moment, peering at Yeonjun like he’s seeing a new person. “I’ve never heard this perspective from you before. Slightly annoying, really, given I tried telling you this once.” Yeonjun shoves Beomgyu’s shoulder at this and his friend easily lets himself fall over onto his side, a laugh escaping him as he does so. “It’s true and you know it, jerk! I don’t know why things suddenly change when Soobin says it,” he says, pouting at Yeonjun.

Yeonjun shrugs, his fake scowl turning into something softer. “I don’t know,” he murmurs.

“I have a hint.”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“That’s what happens when you have a crush on someone.”

“I said I didn’t want to hear it.”

“Too bad,” Beomgyu says with a shrug, grinning at his best friend. “Just let loose, Yeonjun. I promise you that it’s okay.”

Yeonjun sighs, pouting again. “Don’t you think it’s disloyal, Gyu?” he asks, his lips pulling into a frown. “To have a crush on someone when I have a soulmate somewhere out there?”

“Yeonjun,” Beomgyu sighs, resting his head against Yeonnjun’s shoulder. “You don’t know who your soulmate is. For all you know, your soulmate is Soobin.”

Yeonjun snorts at this. “Now you’re just saying shit.”

“I am!” Beomgyu agrees enthusiastically, practically shouting. “Because technically it could be true! You’re never going to know who your soulmate is if you don’t open up to the people around you, Junie. Contrary to what your sappy ass likes to believe, you are not just going to know that someone is your soulmate by looking at them. You know you have to open up to someone to end up getting your matching tattoo with them, right?”

“I know, I know,” Yeonjun grumbles, reluctant to admit that his friend is right. Yeonjun is more than aware of how soulmate tattoos bloom – he’s asked his own mom to tell him the story of how his parents got their tattoo more times than he can count. He knows that he has to open up in order to learn if someone is the one , but something about the process feels wrong.

Yeonjun loves the idea of love and everything that comes with it. Since he was a kid he has daydreamed of the moment that he would meet his soulmate – he has dreamt of catching their gaze and simply knowing that they are the one. Everyone has told him that that’s not how it works, and on some level Yeonjun knows and understands this; but on another level he’s a romantic at heart, and a part of him can’t help but hold on to the fact that something deep within him will just know when he crosses paths with the person who’s meant for him.

“You’re precious, Junie,” Beomgyu says in a voice far softer than usual, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and squeezing. “Do you know that?”

“If you say so,” Yeonjun mumbles, trying to ignore the way that he can feel his cheeks heat at the earnest compliment.

“I do. And as you know, everything I say is right.”

“I don’t know about all th-”

“Everything I say is right!”

Yeonjun huffs a small laugh and nods, leaning his head against Beomgyu’s. “Right. Everything you say is right. Can we eat now?”

Beomgyu claps happily and nods. “I thought you’d never ask! Now go put your chef skills to work.”

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

It’s a Tuesday afternoon and Yeonjun is reminded that he is horrible at opening up to people. He is supposed to be studying with Taehyun and Soobin, but Taehyun has suddenly decided that finding a boba shop with Heuning Kai is more important – a shocking turn of events given Taehyun has said on more than one occasion that he doesn’t understand boba – leaving Yeonjun and Soobin sitting together at the library in silence. Nothing about it should be awkward – they’re both studying, silence is normal – yet after Beomgyu forced him to acknowledge his feelings, suddenly nothing feels right to Yeonjun.

“You’re quiet today,” Soobin murmurs, not looking up from his paper on the table. His brow is furrowed and his lips are pursed, and Yeonjun can’t help but think that he looks like the paper on the table has personally offended him.

“I’m studying,” Yeonjun replies. It’s a lie. Yeonjun has been staring at the same page in his textbook for the past twenty minutes, but honestly sue him for not being interested in art history.

Soobin snorts. “It does not take that long to read a page of that textbook. You’ve been spacing out.” He looks up at Yeonjun and raises an eyebrow in challenge.

Yeonjun ignores the way that the casual look gives him butterflies. “I needed a mental break,” he huffs, folding his arms across his chest. “By the way you’re looking at that paper of yours, you can use one too.”

Soobin chuckles and nods, leaning back in his chair and stretching his arms above his head. “Yeah, I definitely need a mental break. Are you any good at math?”

Yeonjun’s entire face scrunches up in distaste as he shakes his head. “I don’t want to see any numbers, please get them away from me.”

“You cook, you deal with numbers every day,” Soobin deadpans.

Yeonjun shakes his head harder. “Nope, it’s different. It’s completely different. Don’t so much as show me a math problem Soobin, I mean it. I might break out in hives.”

Soobin laughs and Yeonjun allows himself to smile just a little bit. “Who’s going to help me if you don’t?”

Yeonjun shrugs. “Ask Kai or Beomgyu the next time we see them, they can help.”

“Not Taehyun?”

Yeonjun snorts. “Taehyun is your friend, you should know the answer to that. He’s majoring in literature, Soobin.”

Soobin giggles at that. “He could be good at math still, you don’t know.”

“Oh, I do know. I know and so do you. If you have Taehyun help you, you’re going to fail.”

“That’s a tad bit harsh.”

“Soobin, sometimes the truth hurts.”

“You’re cruel,” Soobin says, but his lips are curved up into a smile so broad that his eyes are scrunching into little half-moons.

Yeonjun forgets how to breathe for a second. He remembers what Beomgyu said about being happy, about doing something for himself, and finds his mouth moving before his brain can even process what he’s about to say. “Want to go get ice cream?”

Soobin cocks his head to the side, peering curiously at Yeonjun. There’s an emotion swimming in his eyes that Yeonjun can’t quite place. “Giving up on studying that quickly?”

“Yes.”

Soobin grins and Yeonjun feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off of his shoulders. “Okay. Let’s get ice cream.”

And it’s not a date, it’s really not. But Yeonjun can’t help but notice the way that Soobin’s shoulder brushes against his own as they sit on a bench outside of the ice cream shop.

“You wore shorts today,” Soobin notes absently as he licks his ice cream.

“Huh?”

“Shorts,” Soobin repeats. “Along with a t-shirt. I couldn’t help but notice.”

“Looking at my legs?” Yeonjun asks, raising an eyebrow and batting his lashes at the younger. The response is automatic – it’s something stupid that he would say to Beomgyu, and somehow Soobin has already managed to feel like as comfortable of a presence as his best friend. Yeonjun isn’t prepared for the blush that quickly spreads across Soobin’s cheeks.

“N-no, that’s not it,” Soobin stammers. “I-I just. I just meant-”

It might be a tad bit cruel, but Yeonjun can’t stop himself from laughing. “I’m kidding, Soob,” he says kindly, smiling at the way the other’s eyes widen at the nickname.

“Soob,” he repeats slowly.

“Soob,” Yeonjun confirms, a smile playing on his lips. “Is that okay?”

Soobin nods slowly, his own lips curling up into a smile. “It’s perfect,” he says quietly, turning his attention back to the ice cream in his hands.

If Yeonjun feels warmth bloom through his chest then that’s his business and his alone. He opts not to respond, not trusting himself to not say something incriminating, and focuses on his own ice cream. Soobin leans a little more on him and Yeonjun quietly allows it, not even noticing the way his smile grows.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

“I think we need to do something fun,” Beomgyu announces one day during the middle of a strangely productive study session.

Taehyun ignores the outburst completely, turning to ask Soobin a question about his assignment, and Yeonjun blinks slowly at his best friend. “We are literally trying to study, Gyu.”

“Yes, and it’s so boring I think that I’m going to die.”

“And you guys call me dramatic,” Yeonjun mutters under his breath.

Beomgyu ignores him. “You guys cannot seriously tell me you’re having a good time right now.”

“Studying isn’t about having a good time,” Taehyun sighs, finally looking up from his laptop. “It’s about getting shit done.”

“Booriinngg,” Beomgyu sings. “I vote we do something else.”

“I don’t.”

“No one asked you, Taehyun.”

“That’s literally how voting works.”

“I vote to overrule you.”

“That’s not how it works.”

“You guys are going to give me a headache,” Yeonjun groans, slumping forward onto his textbook. Kai pats his back reassuringly.

“Beomgyu, we really do have to study,” Kai says in an uncharacteristic display of responsibility. Yeonjun suspects it’s only so he can look good in front of Taehyun.

Beomgyu sounds outraged. “You traitor!” he all but shouts, earning them plenty of dirty looks. Yeonjun slaps his arm in an attempt to remind him where he is but it doesn’t do them any good. “Not once in my life have I seen you defend studying! Who are you and what have you done with Kai?”

Kai flushes but tries to stand his ground, crossing his arms over his chest as he looks back at Beomgyu. “Studying is important, Beomgyu. We are here to study after all.”

Beomgyu looks horrified. He turns his gaze on Taehyun, his eyes narrowing. “This is all your doing,” he says, pointing a finger at the boy. “Kai was never like this until he met you. What have you done to him?”

Taehyun’s eyes widen and he puts his arms up as if in surrender. “I’m just trying to be a good student.”

“You’re being lame,” Beomgyu retorts.

“And you’re going to get us kicked out of the library,” Taehyun hisses.

“Good!”

“Do you even have an idea of what you want to do?” Yeonjun asks his friend, raising an eyebrow. He has been friends with Beomgyu long enough to know that more than half the time the boy has no actual plan in place, he’s just fidgety and wants to get up and leave.

“Actually, I do,” Beomgyu sniffs, surprising everyone at the table. “And I really wanted you all to come and do it with me because I like you guys. Well, most of you,” he amends, glaring at Taehyun.

Taehyun rolls his eyes. “What did you have planned, Beomgyu?”

Beomgyu smiles. “Let’s go to the zoo.”

Which is exactly how they find themselves at the zoo on a Thursday afternoon. Beomgyu runs ahead like the unofficial child of the group that he is, professing that he knows the best order to see the animals in and anyone who disagrees with him is wrong. Kai complains that he wants to see the penguins first because they’re arguably the best and cutest animal that anyone could possibly see at the zoo. Taehyun is busy reminding the group that they need to do their research when picking which zoo to go to because not all zoos are created equal. Yeonjun walks at the back of the group and tries not to have a mental breakdown.

“You look stressed,” Soobin notes from beside him.

Yeonjun ignores the way that Soobin looks more amused than concerned. “I thought going to the zoo with just Beomgyu and Kai was bad. I didn’t think it was possible for it to get any worse.”

“Taehyun does have a point,” Soobin muses. “Not all zoos are created equal.” Yeonjun looks sideways at him and Soobin can’t seem to stop himself from laughing. “Oh, c’mon Yeonjun. It’s not so bad.”

“Yet,” Yeonjun grumbles, but his words have no real bite.

Soobin smiles. “It’s cute how you like to pretend you’re annoyed by everything they all do.”

Cute. Yeonjun hopes his cheeks aren’t burning. “I’m not pretending,” he sniffs. “It’s true. This is real irritation, Soobin. True anger. I don’t understand how I ended up befriending literal children.”

“And what about me?” Soobin asks, his brown eyes sparkling with amusement.

“What about you?”

“Do you consider me a child, too?”

Yeonjun pauses, considering. “You’re too well-behaved.”

“I could be your well-behaved child.”

“Is that what you want?” Yeonjun asks, raising an eyebrow.

This time it’s Soobin’s turn to pause and think. After a moment he shakes his head, looking ahead at where the three of their friends are bickering instead of looking at Yeonjun. “No, I don’t think so,” he says slowly.

“Then what do you want?”

“Soobin is the mom, of course,” Kai adds helpfully, looking over his shoulder at the two of them. Yeonjun should have known that at least one of his friends would be eavesdropping. “Which explains why we like him better.”

Soobin doesn’t have to think twice before moving to restrain Yeonjun, and he smiles as Kai runs away cackling. “Maybe if you wouldn’t try to attack our kids they would like you more,” he jokes.

Yeonjun sighs. “They wouldn’t. You’re just too likeable, Soob. Everyone will always like you more.” He smiles at Soobin to let him know that he means it and is rewarded with Soobin’s wide-eyed gaze. “I mean it,” he says. And he does.

Soobin looks unsure but he nods slowly. “If you say so.”

“Soob, when have I ever lied to you?”

Soobin blinks slowly at Yeonjun. “Never. I don’t think, anyway.”

Yeonjun can’t help the way his lower lip juts into a pout. “Don’t sound so unsure. I haven’t lied to you at all, Soobin.”

Soobin grimaces. “I’m sorry. It’s nothing personal, Yeonjun, I promise. It really isn’t about you. I didn’t mean-“

Without thinking Yeonjun leans over and places his finger just before Soobin’s lips, leaving just the slightest space between them. Soobin stops talking immediately. “I know,” Yeonjun says kindly, his lips curving up into a small smile. “I know it’s not. Don’t worry.” He drops his hand when he feels Soobin let out a breath and sees as the younger boy’s body relaxes. “Let’s not fight in front of the kids, okay? They’ll get the wrong impression.” He winks at Soobin and twines his fingers between the boy’s without thinking. He looks ahead at their friend group and doesn’t notice the way Soobin’s cheeks heat at the contact.

“T-technically we’re behind them,” Soobin stutters, letting Yeonjun hold his hand without complaint.

Yeonjun doesn’t answer. Instead, he throws his head back and laughs, and he relishes in the way that Soobin smiles back at him.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

To Yeonjun, hanging out with Soobin becomes as easy as breathing. He learns to read the other boy’s emotions almost as well as his own, delighting in his happiness and quietly mourning his pain. It’s because of this that he’s able to tell that Soobin is not himself when the boy approaches their lunch table.

Soobin approaches their table with his usual smile but Yeonjun can tell that the boy has something on his mind. He places his tray on the table and drops into the seat next to Yeonjun. Yeonjun puts on a smile for him and tries to ignore the way that Taehyun and Beomgyu are already arguing. “I’ve been dying without you, Soob,” Yeonjun says, going straight for the theatrics – it’s usually a sure fire way to get Soobin’s mood to improve. “I can’t control those two. They’re going wild.”

The smile that Soobin gives him doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Yeonjun has to bite back a frown – up until now, the nickname he created for Soobin had always managed to pull a smile from the younger. “Sometimes you just need to let kids be kids,” Soobin says with a shrug, pushing around the food on his tray. “Eventually they’ll learn.”

“Those two never will,” Yeonjun says, and he means it. Ever since their friend groups have merged, Yeonjun has come to terms with the fact that Taehyun and Beomgyu fighting is inevitable. Their fights are a sure thing – as sure as oil floating on water.

“They’ll learn to tolerate each other.”

Yeonjun seriously doubts it. He’s convinced that Kai will always have to play the middle-man and try to please both his friend and his crush – Yeonjun doesn’t envy him that position. “We can dream, anyway.”

Soobin smiles but otherwise says nothing. Yeonjun fights the urge to panic. He hums to himself instead, pushing his food around his tray just as Soobin does because he suddenly can’t find it in him to eat. “Hey, Soobin?”

Soobin looks up at him and cocks his head to the side. It’s a familiar gesture but something about it makes Yeonjun’s heart clench. “Hm?”

“Ice cream at my place?” It’s an invitation, but more than that it’s a way for Yeonjun to let Soobin know that he sees him. Ice cream at Yeonjun’s place is more than just hanging out – it’s venting, it’s ranting, it’s crying. Ice cream at Yeonjun’s place is a safe space. Ice cream at Yeonjun’s house is only offered when people are going through a hard time. Soobin knows this well and the true meaning of the invitation isn’t lost on him. Still, he hesitates.

“I-I don’t know if I’m feeling up to ice cream tonight.”

Yeonjun’s eyes narrow. He doesn’t pressure people, he swears he doesn’t, but sadness is radiating off of Soobin in waves so strong that Yeonjun fears he might drown in it, and he would be a horrible friend if he didn’t intervene – in fact, he’d be a horrible person in general if he let his crush feel this bad and didn’t do everything in his power to stop it. So Yeonjun decides to take matters into his own hands. “I asked as a courtesy,” he says lightly, and though his voice is steady and sure he’s making sure to give Soobin his very best puppy eyes. “This isn’t exactly up for debate, though. You’re coming to my place and getting some ice cream.”

Soobin looks like he wants to argue but he takes one look at Yeonjun and immediately deflates. He nods instead, putting down his chopsticks and abandoning his attempt to even pretend to eat his food. “Okay, hyung.”

Yeonjun can’t decide if he feels good about the victory or not. It’s not until they’re back at Yeonjun’s apartment with Soobin staring down at the bowl of ice cream in his hands that Yeonjun knows that – slightly forced or not – he made the right decision inviting Soobin over to his place.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong now?” Yeonjun asks softly around a spoonful of ice cream. He’s noticed that Soobin tends to open up best like this, when Yeonjun pretends that he’s more preoccupied with the ice cream that he’s shoveling into his mouth than the words that Soobin is speaking.

Soobin is silent a moment but Yeonjun doesn’t mind; he’s used to waiting for Soobin to gather his thoughts. “I need you to promise not to laugh at me,” he finally says quietly.

Yeonjun can’t stop himself from looking up at Soobin. The younger boy is still staring down at the bowl of ice cream he now holds in his left hand, and he’s fiddling with the spoon in his right hand – Yeonjun can tell that he hasn’t eaten a single bite yet. “I would never.”

Soobin looks up at him then, his wide brown eyes meeting Yeonjun’s own, and Yeonjun swears he can see something break in them. “I just… hyung, I just can’t help but worry I’m not going to find anyone.”

Yeonjun can see the pain in Soobin’s eyes – he can hear it in his voice – and he wonders why the younger ever thought that he might laugh at him. He puts his bowl down on the coffee table in front of them and turns to face Soobin fully. “You’re going to find someone, Soob,” Yeonjun says firmly, his voice taking on the same certainty that it held the fist time that he told Soobin this. “You have a soulmate, I just know it.”

“But that’s just the thing, Yeonjun. You don’t know it. You don’t know it and I don’t know it. None of us do. You know why? Because there is absolutely nothing to show for it.”

“Soob-”

“No, Yeonjun you don’t get it,” Soobin interrupts, his frustration bubbling to the surface. “You have a soulmate. And I know that you hate looking at those flowers, I know that you hate the looks that you get because of them, but you have them. I have absolutely nothing, Yeonjun, and I know exactly why that is.”

“Soobin don’t say it.”

“Why not?” Soobin demands, hastily rising from his seat. He still holds the bowl in one hand and clenches his spoon in the other but it doesn’t seem like he notices them. “It’s true, Yeonjun. I don’t have any flowers because I don’t have a soulmate. It makes sense,” he adds bitterly.

Yeonjun is too caught up by the venom in his words to address anything else. “What do you mean by that, Soobin?” he asks slowly.

Soobin raises an eyebrow. “Oh, c’mon now Yeonjun, don’t make me spell it out. That’s just cruel.”

“You can’t possibly believe that it makes sense.”

“You can’t possibly believe that it doesn’t,” Soobin snorts. “It would make sense. It would be better that way.”

“How could it possibly be better that way?” Yeonjun asks incredulously.

Soobin laughs bitterly. “If I had a soulmate, Yeonjun, they’d be as marked up as you are. Maybe even more.”

“And so what?”

“So what?” Soobin asks incredulously. “Oh, that’s rich coming from you. I would think that you of all people would understand. Would agree that it’s better that I don’t inflict that sort of turmoil on someone.”

“Soobin, you’re the one who told me that these marks don’t matter,” Yeonjun says angrily. “You’re the one who helped me see the beauty in them. So what if your soulmate is this marked up? You said it yourself – it’s just a reminder that there’s someone out there.”

“How hard did I have to work to convince you of that?” Soobin retorts dryly. “Trust me, it’s better this way. Besides, how could anyone love me?”

Yeonjun blinks back at Soobin, unsure of how to answer. He can think of a million reasons why someone might love someone – he can think of a million and one reasons why he does love Soobin – but somehow none of them seem like the right thing to say.

Soobin takes his silence as confirmation. “Exactly.”

Yeonjun shakes his head. “Soob, you don’t understand.”

“I understand perfectly,” Soobin says icily. “Thank you for this, Yeonjun. It’s been very comforting.” He moves to turn and Yeonjun is reaching out before he can even think about it, wrapping his fingers around Soobin’s wrist in an attempt to get him to stay.

“Soobin, you do not understand,” Yeonjun repeats, his voice more serious than Soobin has ever heard it. “How many times have I told you that you are wonderful, Soobin? How many times have Kai or Beomgyu or Taehyun told you? You are wonderful and you are so worthy of being loved. Someone out there does love you.” I love you.

“Someone out there isn’t comforting,” Soobin hisses, pulling his wrist from Yeonjun’s grasp. “Someone out there doesn’t mean anything to me. There is no one out there for me. I wish you would just let me accept it, Yeonjun. Let me grieve and let me accept this so I can move on.”

“I can’t accept it,” Yeonjun blurts. “I can’t accept it. There’s no way.”

“You don’t have to, Yeonjun. It doesn’t matter if you accept it or not. Just because you don’t doesn’t mean you get to keep me in this hopeless state. I don’t care what you think.”

Yeonjun feels it then, just a little bit. Just a small twinge of pain. “I need you to know,” Yeonjun cries, almost desperate. “Someone out there has to love you because I love you, Soobin.”

Soobin blinks back at Yeonjun, the anger falling off of his face and quickly being replaced with shock. “I-I’m sorry, what?”

“I-I don’t care about what has happened to you, Soobin,” Yeonjun rushes to say. He knows that this might be the only chance that he has to confess. He also knows that it might ruin everything between them, but it’s far too late for Yeonjun to go back now; all he can think is that he needs Soobin to understand just how loveable he really is – just how loved he already is. “If you say your life has painted your soulmate’s skin then I wish I was the canvas. I wish that it was me your pain was etched onto because I want to be the one who helps take it away. I want to be the one who’s lucky enough to call you mine, Soobin. Because you’re so incredibly wonderful. I tell you every single day and you just don’t seem to get it. You are incredible and you are so worthy of being loved – you are loved. I love you. I love you so much it hurts. And I’ve been trying not to focus on it because look at me Soobin, we both know that I have a soulmate. But the truth of the matter is, I don’t know who that person is. I can’t keep burying my feelings because there’s someone out there meant for me that I don’t even know. I’m sorry if keeping this from you has been selfish – I’m sorry if telling you is selfish. Even now I can’t decide if this is the right thing to do but Soobin, I love you. You are the one that my heart wants,” he says, voice breaking. He’s so caught up in his clumsy admission that it takes him a moment to notice the way Soobin’s eyes shine with unshed tears.

Soobin looks like he’s torn between taking one step closer to Yeonjun or ten steps out the door, turning and running and never looking back. Ultimately, he ends up standing in the same place and staring at Yeonjun like he’s never seen the boy before. “W- what did you just say?”

Yeonjun swallows. “Which part do you want me to repeat?” he asks quietly.

“Y-you… you love… me?”

“Yes.”

Soobin shakes his head slowly. “You shouldn’t,” he says, his voice barely louder than a whisper. “I am broken goods, Yeonjun. I am damaged. You deserve better.”

Yeonjun truly feels it then. It feels like there’s a sharp pain through his chest. Like someone is wrapping their fingers around his heart and squeezing it tight, somehow sending both a dull ache and a sharp bright pain through him. If Yeonjun thought being in love was beautiful, he learns that the feeling of heartbreak is just as beautiful in a cruel sort of way. He opens his mouth to say something – anything – but before he can even find the words to say Soobin is crying out.

The younger boy clutches his chest as he cries out, a pained and confused expression twisting his features. “What the fuck,” he gasps, his tears finally falling. Soobin looks down at his chest, peering down his shirt, and Yeonjun sees him pale. “No way…”

“Soobin, what is it?” Yeonjun asks, panic rising within him. “Are you okay?”

Soobin stands there, staring down his shirt in disbelief and shaking his head. “No way,” he repeats softly.

“Soobin, please tell me what’s going on,” Yeonjun pleads, torn between moving closer to the boy and staying right where he is.

Soobin finally looks up at Yeonjun, his brown eyes wide in a combination of disbelief and awe. “Say it again.”

Yeonjun’s brow furrows in confusion. “Say what?”

“Say you love me.”

Yeonjun stares blankly at him. “What?”

“Say it.”

Yeonjun takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I love you.”

And Soobin does the unthinkable. He smiles brightly at Yeonjun and nods. “I know.” Without warning he lifts his shirt over his head. Before Yeonjun can protest or even think to turn away Soobin is proudly pointing to a pink flower on his chest, right over his heart.

Yeonjun knows the flower – it’s the same one that’s inked onto Beomgyu’s arm. “Bleeding heart,” he whispers.

Soobin’s brow furrows. “What?”

“Bleeding heart,” he says louder, tearing his gaze away from the flower on Soobin’s chest and catching his gaze. “They symbolize a broken heart.”

Soobin’s lips part into a small ‘o’ as he looks back at Yeonjun, and Yeonjun can practically see the gears in Soobin’s mind turning as everything clicks into place. “You…”

Yeonjun crosses the small space between them and cups Soobin’s face in his hands. The younger boy is so startled that he drops his bowl but Yeonjun pays it no mind. “Don’t ever talk about yourself like that again, got it?” he breathes.

Soobin stares wide-eyed back at him and nods.

“I’m going to kiss you now, if that’s okay,” Yeonjun says shakily.

Soobin nods again. It’s all Yeonjun needs to surge forward and press his lips to Soobin’s. Soobin’s response is immediate. His arms wrap around Yeonjun’s waist and suddenly he’s pulling Yeonjun closer to him as if he can’t get enough of the older. Their lips press together almost hesitantly at first, the way they do when not yet used to another person, but as Soobin presses Yeonjun closer their lips slot together more comfortably. Yeonjun’s heart swells. This is what it means to love and be loved.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽∞☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

“Did it hurt?” Beomgyu asks from across the table, peering curiously at Yeonjun’s ring finger.

Yeonjun shakes his head. “It felt warm. Like my finger was near a fire.” He looks down at his hand and wiggles his fingers. He’s still not used to the small band of ivy that’s inked on his left ring finger, winding its way around his finger like it was meant to be. He smiles as he looks over and sees the matching vine inked into Soobin’s finger.

“Soulmate marks,” Beomgyu sighs, sinking back into the booth. “How disgusting.”

Yeonjun wrinkles his nose as Soobin laughs. “You’re just jealous you don’t have yours yet.”

“Nah, not really,” Beomgyu says with a shrug. If it were anyone else Yeonjun might doubt them but he knows that Beomgyu doesn’t mind the wait that comes with finding his soulmate. “Whoever my soulmate is, I’ll find them eventually. I’m just glad you finally found yours.”

“Because you love me?” Yeonjun sings, leaning across the table to get closer to his friend.

Beomgyu looks down at him in disdain. “Because now you’ll finally stop complaining,” he sniffs. “I wasn’t sure how much more complaining I could take.”

Yeonjun sulks as he pulls back and slumps against the back of the booth. Soobin pats his thigh in what Yeonjun knows is meant to be a gesture of reassurance but somehow he feels like Soobin is also laughing at him. “Some best friend,” he mumbles, but his lips twitch with the effort of repressing his smile.

Yeonjun listens to the familiar bickering of his friends now that they’re done teasing him as he leans into Soobin’s side, grateful that the younger allows him this small display of affection, and his heart feels full.