Chapter Text
Takina had never given the passage of time much thought. She was Lycoris, and living on borrowed time, after all. If she was lucky, she would live pass the age for active duty, gain a chair in the administrative office of the DA. If she wasn’t, well, such was the life of a Lycoris.
But it was completely different when it was someone else’s borrowed time, and suddenly two months had never seemed so heartlessly cruel, hopelessly short. She had been acutely aware of each second, each breath, each heartbeat; acutely aware of how time slipped mindlessly past, like water, like sand through her fingers, how much faster it seemed to speed up the more Takina tried to catch hold of it in her hands. And she had been flabbergasted by how unaware the people around her had been about the passage of time, as though it was completely normal to be going through every day just like before, as though Takina was the only one who felt just how much closer the end loomed with each passing day.
And now, it was later. Four months and two weeks later actually, and it had been the longest months of her life. A whirlwind of planning, of action, bargains struck, promises made and broken, changing of alliances; sleepless nights, days past in waiting for the next phase, and the next, and the next, wondering if the end goal would ever be reached. If it would be reached in time. Always, always, acutely aware of the passage of time.
And then, more waiting. For news, for a familiar voice, a message or a call. Wondering, always wondering, if everything had worked out in the end.
She wondered how she had lived through these past few months.
“Takina, move aside!” a voice called, suffused with cheer, brimming with happiness, cutting clearly over the general background buzz of activity and conversations typical of a busy evening in LycoReco. She looked up from the sink of plates she had been washing just in time to see Chisato carrying a stack of plates as high as her head, wobbling dangerously. Instinct had Takina leaping forward, steadying the stack from the other side, taking most of its weight off of Chisato.
“What are you doing?” She snapped, “You’re supposed to be taking it easy. We just got you back today and you’re supposed to be sitting down and…”
“But it’s boring.” Chisato whined, “and it’s not a big deal, my heart can take it. It’s not like it’s…”
“Sit. Down.” Takina hissed, a ringing in her ears.
“But Takina…”
“I’ll tie you down myself.”
“Oh-kay, I have a lot of things to say to that but I’m just going to refrain…”
“Chisato.” Mika poked his head in, as calm and quiet as always, “Stop giving Takina a hard time.”
“But I’m not giving her a hard time.” Chisato started to say, but something on Takina’s face must have gotten through to her, because she fell silent, relinquishing her hold on the plates and holding up her hands in a gesture of submission. With a curt nod, Takina turned from her back to the sink.
It was like she was dreaming, as though the world around of her was submerged in water, the scenes and noises blurred, washed out. It was over, Takina reminded herself. All her efforts had borne fruit. The DA got what they wanted, but to Takina it had been a lot simpler than that. She had not cared about bringing down a terrorist and keeping Japan safe – it had been too big, too impersonal, for it to mean anything to her. Her own goal had just been to save Chisato. And she had succeeded. Of course, she had known for a while that Chisato would live, but it was one thing to know that objectively, and another to have the girl right here in front of her in the flesh. Chisato was here, her time no longer measured by the passing of each second, her current heart would sustain her for as long as she needed. She was safe and alive and happy and everything was back to normal. Tomorrow, Takina would go back to the DA - with Chisato back, the excuse Mika had given Kusunoki that he needed Takina's help was moot -, but today she would stay here, orbiting around Chisato, to give herself some time to get used to the fact that it was over, so that her subconscious would stop waiting for the other shoe to drop, to stop counting the seconds as she had done for the last few months.
Funny, to have survived on nothing but hope for so long, only to find it inadequate now that she had her wish materialised within arm's length.
“I think that’s enough.” Chisato said, grabbing on to her hand, rising her voice to call into the depths of the shop. “Kurumi! Take over for Takina, will you? She’s done for the night!”
“Her shift’s not over yet!” Kurumi shouted back, petulant.
“Takina doesn’t even have a shift!” Chisato shouted back. Still holding on to her hand, she dragged Takina out from the kitchen, waving to the patrons on their way to the back room. “Get changed. We’re going home for the night.” She said, uncharacteristically serious. At Takina’s silence and pointed look, she threw up her arms, “Alright! We’ll stay here for the night because you obviously have a thing about my favourite safe house. We’ll borrow the spare room. Just change out of that uniform. You’re dead on your feet.”
Takina wanted to say more about safe houses, namely they were only safe if they remained uncompromised, but Chisato grabbed her hand again, dragging Takina behind her. LycoReco had a wing set aside as living quarters, and it was to here Chisato dragged her. “Get ready for the night, we’re going to laze around in our pajamas, watch a movie, and just relax.” She grabbed clothes from their emergency pile, pushed them into Takina’s arms, and pushed Takina into the bathroom. As the door shut behind her, a feeling of urgency overtook Takina. This… would be a problem, if dread and anxiety filled her stomach every time Chisato left her sight, it would be detrimental to her every day activities, especially during missions. She could not afford to be distracted like this anymore. Chisato was safe, it was over, and Takina was a fully reinstated member of the DA. Starting tomorrow, she would be back at DA headquarters, and Chisato would be here in LycoReco. She could always visit – she refused to be a stickler for the rules like Fuki was – but she had to get used to not having Chisato around anymore.
With time and distance, her life would go back to normal. It would be enough to know that Chisato would be alive and okay and living her life the way she chose to live.
Still, she got ready in recorded time. It seemed that Chisato had commandeered one of the spare rooms for their use that night. The older girl had already laid out futons, side by side, set up a laptop – probably stole it from Kurumi – for movies. “You’re fast. Pick something while I get ready for the night.” Chisato grinned at her, grabbed the night clothes she laid out for herself, and it was all Takina could do to stop herself from following after her into the bathroom, for no other reason than to stay close.
Yes, this was a problem. She had to do something about this separation anxiety. The fact that they would be separated come tomorrow did not help. She was counting again, counting down the seconds, the breaths, the heartbeats to the end of their time together before her inevitable return to DA headquarters.
She had barely gotten used to the idea that the danger was over, that the wondering was over, that Chisato was safe. To be separated again in such a short time was unbearable.
She sat in seiza on one of the futons, silently counting down the seconds. How long would this counting continue, she thought vaguely. First, it was counting down towards success or failure, life or death; then counting down to more news, more leads, more clues to Chisato's whereabouts. Now it was counting down to the next time she saw Chisato, the next confirmation that she was alive and safe and happy and…
“Takina?” Chisato stood at the door, wearing a simple sweater that was so huge it hung off one shoulder, and a pair of shorts barely peeking out from the bottom of it. She looked soft and vulnerable like this, and Takina was thrown back to four months ago, at the DA’s checkup center, Chisato sitting in a chair bathed in orange sunset, when she first learnt that her partner would have only two months left to live.
“Takina, stop.” There were hands reaching out for her, drawing her into a warm embrace. “It’s alright now. You can stop now, it’s over.”
“Aren’t we… going to watch a movie?” Takina said. Her own voice sounded far away, as though she was listening in from somewhere apart from her own body.
“Yeah… have you picked anything out?” Chisato’s voice was soft, rumbling in her chest against which Takina’s ear was pressed. Takina shook her head numbly. “That’s okay. I’ll pick then.” She let Takina go, and Takina gave a shudder at the sudden cold. Chisato rose to switch off the light, leaving them both bathed in the blue white light from the laptop screen. Then she was back again, drawing Takina down into her lap, leaning over her to reach the laptop.
Takin didn’t know which movie was running, the noise of it fading into the background. Chisato was solid underneath her, her hands gentle as they carded through her hair, mindlessly braiding it. It was as though the world outside the room had ceased to exist. There was only the darkness and relative silence of the night, the warmth of the girl beneath here.
At this time, two days ago, Takina had thought Chisato was lost, that she would never see the other girl again; that after all she had done, for the DA, for Japan, she had still lost the one thing she really, really wanted.
“Takina.”
Her face was wet, she realized with a sudden jolt as gentle fingers wiped at her cheeks. More tears replaced those wiped away, refusing to be stopped. Chisato put her arms around her, drew her close, reclined against the mess of pillows she had prepared for herself with Takina on top of her, Takina’s face in her neck. No one had ever done this before, held Takina like this. The experience was jarring, the pull of it on her heart felt overwhelming and terrifying in its intensity.
“Breathe, Takina. It’s over now. I’m here with you. I’m not going anywhere.” Chisato whispered. Her breath was soft against Takina’s ear, her fingers gentle in her hair, her arm firm and tight around her waist. Her knees were drawn up on either side of Takina, effectively caging her in. Takina had never felt so enveloped in someone else in her entire life. She fisted her hands in Chisato’s sweater, buried her face further into the other girl’s neck. She was welcomed here, cared for, cherished. Loved.
Chisato was here. And for the first time in months, the tight band of panic and fear surrounding her chest loosened, and Takina breathed again. With that breath came the sobs, deep, violent ones, refusing to be stopped. But it was okay. This was Chisato, the kindest, most caring person Takina had ever met, who had leapt to her defense the very first time they had met, who had looked out for her, cared for her, comforted her, loved her.
For the very first time in her life, Takina let it all go, every muscle and tendon going lax as she gave herself over to the tears, to the embrace, laying herself bare, too tired to care. And, as she had hoped, as she had needed, Chisato caught her and held her through it all.
***
It was terrifying to see someone as strong as Takina break down like this. But Chisato was glad that she did. This was a long time coming, really. Her own eyes swimming with sympathetic tears, Chisato held the other girl to her, heart – artificial as it was - breaking at the anguished sobs.
“It’s okay, let it all out.” she murmured, a little mindlessly, a little incoherent from the overwhelming need to soothe the girl in her arms. “You’ve worked so hard and for so long. And you’ve done such a good job. I’m so, so proud of you. I’m so glad you’re here. I'm so sorry it took me so long to get here.” Something in her chest twisted at the way Takina was wiggling to get closer, as though wanting to merge them together. She kind of understood it, this intense need of getting closer, of pulling the other girl in and shielding her from any past or future danger.
Takina had worked tirelessly, diving headfirst into every phase of the mission, Chisato knew, all for the slightest chance that Chisato would live. And Chisato lived, as though pulled back from the brink of death by Takina through sheer force of will. It wasn’t that far from the truth, really. It humbled her that someone would think she was worth this much for just being her. The Alan Institute had saved her once, for her skill, for a purpose they had defined for her, chose for her. And here was this girl, going all out, pushing herself to the limit for her, with no other expectation except that Chisato would live and be happy. And then, when Chisato had left, she had put everything aside, left no stone unturned in her relentless search, followed her to where Chisato had never even thought she could be found.
Chisato would spend the rest of her life trying to make it up to her.
“You saved me. And you found me.” she murmured in Takina’s ear, holding her closer, closer. “I’m here because of you. And I’m going to be here for a long time, because of you. Takina, thank you.” She pressed a kiss to Takina’s forehead, let her lips linger there. She was so young, too young to have such a weight placed on her shoulders, too young to bear such grief, such fear. Chisato would bear them for her, bear them with her; and she would make sure Takina knew happiness, knew fun, knew joy. She would bring these things to Takina and patiently teach her to enjoy them; she would strive to be the source of these things in Takina’s life.
She didn’t know how long they lay like this, but the credits were rolling on the screen when Takina’s tears finally stopped. The younger girl remained slumped on top of Chisato, as though she was too exhausted to move. Gently, Chisato shifted her to the other side, so that her face was no longer pillowed on the damp patch on her sweater. She wiped at the other girl’s face with gentle fingers, getting rid of the last of the tears, chest aching at the dark shadows under Takina’s eyes, the sharp angles of her face. She had lost sleep, lost weight, Chisato thought, she would make sure Takina gain them back in spades. She would do her best to make the last few months fade in Takina’s memories by making so many more memories – happy ones – with her.
“Takina, I’ve asked for some downtime for you.” she whispered in the silence of the night, rubbing smoothing circles into Takina’s back. “I was planning to ask for a month off, but I think you would go crazy with boredom, so I shortened it to two weeks. It’s been approved. So we’ll be spending the next fourteen days doing nothing but sleeping and eating and catching up on movies, as well as taking a few shifts at the café if we really feel like it.” It was a testimony to how drained Takina was when she did not protest the downtime forced on her, merely nodded in tired acceptance.
Well, in for a penny. Chisato hesitated, then bit the bullet, “I also put in a request for a partner.” Takina stiffened at this, her breath hitching. “Recent incidents have shown me that it’s better to operate with a partner after all. The DA has approved of my request, and all it needs is the consent of the person I requested.” Chisato nuzzled the girl in her arms, feeling her chest swelling with the tenderness she felt for her, “I always do what I want, and I’m a handful, I’m kind of sloppy and I whine a lot. But I think you already know how difficult I can be. So when Kusunoki-san calls you tomorrow, will you please say yes?” she blinked her eyes rapidly, trying her best puppy eyes.
Takina blinked, raising her eyes slowly to meet Chisato’s. “You requested… me?” There was confusion in her voice, a tentative hope that brightened her eyes. Everything inside Chisato simply flopped.
“Of course I did. Who else would I want?”
“So… I’ll see you every day? We’ll go on missions together?” Takina’s voice was stronger now.
“Yeah. Only if you say yes though. It’s perfectly fine if you want to remain in the DA. I know how much you wanted to go back, so you can just say no if you don’t want to…”
“I want to.” Takina said, firmly. She buried her face into Chisato’s throat again, nuzzling there like a petulant child, “I don’t want to go back to the DA.”
“Okay. Okay.” Chisato held on tight to the girl wiggling on top of her, so happy she felt as though she would burst. “I’ll be in your care then, partner.” She whispered.
“And I’ll be in yours.” With a satisfied sigh, Takina flopped on top of Chisato, her breathing warm against her neck. Her eyes were droopy, and she kept blinking as though trying to stay awake.
“You’re exhausted. You need to sleep.” Chisato told her. This was probably the first night in months that Takina could sleep peacefully, without the threat of a sudden emergency call for backup typical of large missions looming over her head, without the fear and uncertainty hanging like a dead weight in her heart.
Takina shook her head wearily. “Don’t want to.” She mumbled, rubbing her cheek against Chisato’s collarbone. “Don’t want to wake up and find that you’ve disappeared, that this is all a dream.”
Oh. How tired she must be, to have let down her guard like this, to say something so vulnerable like this. Chisato pressed her lips to the top of her head, “That’s not going to happen.”
“It already has. Over and over. For so many nights.” Takina said, resigned, and Chisato’s chest twisted. “Not this time. I’m never going to disappear again. I promise.”
She hooked a leg under the blanket, drew it up within reach, and spread it with one hand over them both. Gently, she carded her fingers through Takina’s hair. “Takina, do something for me? You don’t have to sleep if you don’t want to. Just… close your eyes and rest. I’m right here. You’ll see me every time you open your eyes.” She raised her other hand to Takina’s face, softly running the back of her finger down the bridge of her nose. She did this over and over, until Takina slumped fully against her, her breathing softening and evening out in sleep.
If this was the way to get Takina to fall asleep every night, then she would hold her every night, Chisato vowed to herself. Cocooned in warmth and the floral scent of Takina’s shampoo, Chisato let the gentle breathing of the other girl lure her into sleep.
***
Consciousness pulled at Takina, slowly, softly. She resisted, instinctively wary of the harsh, real world outside of the cocoon of her dreams. Here in her dreams, there was warmth and happiness and love, all of which she knew would disappear as soon as she opened her eyes to the cruelty of reality. She moaned as the pull persisted, tugging her insistently to the surface.
Something shifted beneath her. Arms tightened around her; a soft warm breath brushed against her skin as a soft pressure was pressed against her temple, as though someone had dropped a kiss there. “Shh, Takina. It’s early yet. Go back to sleep.”
Oh. She opened her eyes. There was a faint light shining in through the gap in the curtains. It was morning, and she was lying on top of Chisato, all but enveloped in the other girl’s limbs as the older girl clung to her like an octopus. For a long while, she stared down at the other girl, who held her gaze sleepily, patiently, with a faint smile and a hand still rubbing gentle circles on her back.
Then, Takina flopped back down, burying her nose in Chisato’s neck. “Downtime starts today?” she said, sleepily, smiling as she felt the rumble of a laugh in Chisato’s chest. “Yes.” Chisato said, her voice suffused with tenderness, “so go back to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
“Okay.” It felt good, that here in the real world, there was warmth and happiness and love, too. Now, in the stillness and silence of the morning, it was as though time had stopped, like the whole world had come to a halt, suspending Takina in the weightlessness of her joy as she basked in the arms of the person who meant more to her than anything else in the world.