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Castiel had a dull ache in his chest and cold dread pooling in the pit of his stomach. Dean was hiding something from him. He was sure of it.
Castiel's husband was acting suspicious. At first, Castiel chalked it up to his own paranoia: The pair had been married for a little over three years, and had been together for much longer than that. They had endured their share of highs and lows in that time, but they came through their trials stronger for it. And, in all that time, Castiel couldn't recall the last time his husband kept a secret from him.
The changes in Dean were slight at first, but once Castiel noticed the differences, he began to pay more attention to the little things. He began to notice the purple shadows under Dean's normally verdant green eyes. He noticed that Dean seemed to be up in the morning before his alarm - which it normally took a force of God to rouse Dean before he had at least his four hours. Castiel knew the other man was stressed in his first year of residency, but this seemed to be something more.
Sure, Dean had been stressed, but it had been three weeks since the two of them had been intimate. Yes, there were affectionate hugs and warm kisses pressed between coffee-flavored lips, but nothing beyond that. And, just the other night, Castiel caught his husband hurriedly hanging up the phone when he walked into the room, Dean’s face flushing slightly and his eyes averting in guilt.
“Do you think he’s cheating on me?” Castiel blurted out the question to his brother, Gabriel, during a late afternoon lunch one day.
“Wh-what?” Gabriel asked, practically spewing his chicken salad sandwich across the table in his shock. “What the hell are you talking about Cassie?”
The younger brother ducked his head, embarrassed that he admitted his biggest fear to the older Novak.
“Nothing,” the darker-haired man mumbled. “‘M just being silly.”
Gabriel looked at his brother, his amber-hued eyes serious, considering instead of sparkling with their normal mischievous glint.
“Are you seriously asking me that question about Dean Winchester?” Gabriel asked, coolly, almost sounding angry at the younger man. “You are many things little bro, but I never took you to be monumentally stupid.”
“He’s hiding something from me,” Castiel retorted, anger and defensiveness coloring his tone, making it harsher than it should have been. “And why the hell do you always take his side? You’re my brother, you’re supposed to give me unconditional support.”
The older brother’s face softened fractionally as he took in the worry in his kid brother’s face. He didn’t know why the other man always jumped to the wrong conclusions.
“That boy loves you more than anything in this world,” Gabriel said, hazel eyes never breaking from stricken blue. “I defend him because I see the love he has for you; the love you don’t see him giving back to you. If I ever thought - even for a moment - that he would betray you or hurt you, I would make sure his body disappeared and no one was able to find the body. But, I know that’s not the case. Hell, I don’t think that boy’s so much as seriously looked at another person with interest since you guys were teenagers.”
Castiel felt hot tears stinging at his eyes. He knew he was being ridiculous. Dean was the most loyal and loving man he had ever met; his husband would die before willingly hurting Castiel. But, the younger Novak couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.
“I don’t want to lose him,” Castiel choked out, losing the battle at holding the salty tears from streaking down his face.
“Hey, hey,” Gabriel said, voice and actions remarkably gentle for the usually exuberant goof of a brother. “You’ve got yourself all worked up over nothing. Have you talked to him about your concerns?”
The younger man shook his head. Of course he hadn’t mentioned his fears to Dean - he didn’t want his husband to think that he doubted him, even though he kind of did at the moment.
“C’mon,” the shorter man said with resolve, throwing some money down on the table to cover their meals and tips. “Dean is working a shift at the hospital today, right?”
“Y-Yeah,” Castiel said shakily, blowing his nose into a napkin from his tray.
“Let’s go see Dean-o and you guys can hug it out,” Gabriel said, pulling his little brother to his feet. “Of course, if you are gonna do more than hug it out, I think you should get a room, or let me sell tickets, or tape that shit - because I gotta admit, there are people who probably would think that is all kinds of hot and we could make a fortune.”
“Gabe!” Castiel chastised his brother, turning about six shades of scarlet.
The older man chuckled good-naturedly, happy to see a smile on his brother’s face, and herded him toward the door and to his car.
The drive to the hospital only took about fifteen minutes, and in that time, Castiel found himself waging an internal war. He didn’t know what he wanted to say to Dean. How do you ask the love of your life if he is having an affair.
Noticing his brother’s dark and brooding face, Gabriel tried for a diversion.
“Where’s Deanny-Beanny working today?”
“Pediatrics,” Castiel replied with a smile. After Dean’s own struggles with gastric cancer when he was a teenager, the green-eyed man decided he wanted to be a doctor. For the longest time, he struggled with what area of medicine he wanted to practice. However, last year, as part of a required turn in the children’s ward for his residency, Dean realized he found his niche. The young man always had an affinity for children, and youngsters always seemed drawn toward Dean like moths to the flame. Castiel always chalked it up to Dean having to grow up so fast and practically raise his younger brother, Sam. Dean just brushed it off and said that kids can just sense one of their own.
The brothers rode the elevator in silence to the Pediatrics ward. Walking purposefully toward the nurse’s station, Castiel caught sight of Lisa, one of the regular nurses on the floor and one of Dean’s favorites to work with because of her warmth and compassion.
The dark-eyed nurse looked up at the approaching footsteps and grinned when she saw the two men approaching.
“Hey Cas and Gabe,” she greeted warmly. “How are y’all doing today?”
“Good, Lise,” Castiel said, smiling back happily. Being at Dean’s work was putting him so much more at ease. “How are you?”
“Can’t complain, looking forward to the little one getting here and getting off my bladder, though,” she replied patting her gently swelling baby bump with a smile. The nurse was expecting her first child with her husband Victor. Dean was just as excited as the couple and usually took every opportunity to make sure Lisa was taking care of herself.
“I’m surprised Dean is letting you up here all by yourself, I thought he’d be mother henning you to death,” Castiel said.
“Oh, he would be,” the dark haired nurse replied good-naturedly, “but today was his final consult with Dr. Lafitte.”
“Dr. Lafitte?” Castiel said, brow creasing in confusion. “Is Dean working on a case with him?”
It was Lisa’s turn to furrow her forehead in confusion.
“Dr. Lafitte,” she repeated, as though Castiel should be more than familiar with that name. At the other man’s continued blank stare, Lisa sighed, she really didn’t know what to do with these Winchester-Novaks. “Maybe Dean refers to him as Benny, since the two of them were friends before all of this began.”
Shaking his head in the negative again, Lisa’s eyes widened slightly in horror and she began to bite her lip nervously.
“My fault,” she stammered. “I must have gotten his schedule wrong. I’m sure Dean will be back shortly.”
Gabriel and Castiel watched the color drain out of the pretty nurse’s face as she realized she revealed something she shouldn’t have. Gabriel’s heart sank to his stomach - his brother-in-law was hiding something, but he didn’t think it would be an affair, Dean wouldn’t flaunt something like that so openly. Obviously whatever his secret was it was something that Lisa thought his family should know about - damn self-sacrificing idiot.
While Gabriel was trying to make logical conclusions about what Dean was hiding, all of Castiel’s insecurities rose to the surface again. This was proof that his husband was cheating on him.
“Who the hell is Dr. Lafitte?” Castiel practically snarled, the venom in his tone had Lisa flinching backward.
“Cas,” she tried, “maybe you should wait and talk to Dean. I don’t think I should be the one to tell you anything.”
“What?” he flung back, uncaring how loud he was getting, or the fact that he could be disturbing a whole floor of sick children. “I don’t have a right to know who my husband is fucking?”
“Castiel!” Gabriel reprimanded, “that’s enough!”
“No,” the younger man howled, ripping his arm from his brother’s grasp. “You told me to have faith, to believe that Dean loves me. What a friggin’ joke! I bet he and Dr. Lafitte have a good laugh about how gullible his husband is while they screw like rabbits in the medical closet.”
“Actually, chief,” a husky southern drawl rumbled from behind Castiel. “We talk about white cell counts and life expectancy.”
Castiel and Gabriel whirled around. The Novaks found themselves face to face with a man slightly shorter and broader than Castiel with icy blue eyes and hair so closely cut it almost was shaved.
“Who the hell are you?” Castiel demanded.
“I’m the man you’ve been talking about, brotha,” came the calm reply.
“I’m not your brother,” Castiel fumed.
Gabriel, sensing Castiel’s temper was going to erupt spectacularly in just a moment, stepped in between the two men. Though he lacked the other men’s height, attitude was something the shorter man had in spades.
“Before we all start measuring dicks and marking territory, why don’t we try to figure out what the hell is going on here,” Gabriel said. “Because I don’t want to try to come up with bail money or an alibi.”
Castiel didn’t want to back down, but the other man stepped back amiably. Gabriel had a sense he might be getting a little control of the situation when he heard a distinct voice behind him gasp in horror and shame.
“Cas!”
Dean had come round the corner, hoping to catch up with Benny. He needed to coordinate with him and Lisa to make sure his schedule was clear for the upcoming consultations and procedures. He was just finishing buttoning his lab coat when he looked up to see his husband and brother-in-law standing in the hallway; from the looks of things, Castiel was a minute away from punching Benny or Gabe.
Castiel’s eyes shot up the moment he heard Dean’s rich baritone say his name. The first thing he noticed was that Dean was straightening his clothes, yet another bit of proof that his seemingly devoted husband was cheating on him. No wonder Dean didn’t want to have sex with him any longer. Castiel was familiar, too safe; no, it was more exciting probably to experiment with Dr. Sexy over here, but still keep sweet little Castiel on the side.
“We’re done, Dean,” Castiel bit off, ignoring the look of devastation on the other man’s face. “You wanna fool around and cheat on me, make me the fucking laughing stock of your work, you go right ahead. Have this beefcake screw you to your heart’s content, but don’t expect me to stand by and watch you make a fool out of me.”
Gabriel watched his brother’s words pierce Dean’s heart to the core; he watched as tears pooled and spilled over his brother-in-law’s big green eyes, and he saw the large, white bandage on Dean’s hand. Gabriel had been around hospitals enough when Dean and Cas were younger that he knew the bandage was placed over a vein where an IV would have been placed.
Sucking in a breath, Gabriel looked at the doctor shooting daggers at Castiel, and realized that Dr. Lafitte’s lab coat indicated his department as well.
“Oh God, no,” Gabriel gasped, barely keeping himself standing upright.
Castiel stopped his tirade for a moment to look at his brother, concern marring his brow. He didn’t understand why Gabriel looked so pale all of a sudden; he looked as though he just was told his best friend died.
“Gabe, what’s the matter?”
“No, no, no, no, no,” Gabriel choked out. He looked Dean straight in the eyes seeing the truth there for all to see. “You don’t get to do this.”
Castiel was confused. He knew his brother loved Dean as much as he loved him, but Gabriel’s reaction wasn’t making sense. He didn’t seem angry at Dean, he seemed emotionally destroyed. Shouldn’t that be Castiel’s role in all of this - he was the one who just found out his husband was cheating on him.
The shorter man extracted himself from his brother’s hold and stumbled down the hallway until he was standing directly in front of the younger Winchester. He reached up and placed his hands gently on Dean’s shoulders and then rearing back to slap Dean soundly across the face.
“You asshole,” Gabriel said, his own tears spilling over. “Why do you never let anyone help you with anything?”
“I’m so sorry,” Dean replied. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to do.”
Gabriel pulled Dean into a tight embrace, one that the taller man almost immediately returned. From where he stood, Castiel could see his brother’s shoulders shaking as sobs wracked his frame. The young Novak stood, flabbergasted by what he had seen.
“Would someone like to tell me what the hell is going on around here?” Castiel said, still unconcerned they were having this family drama in the middle of the hospital pediatrics ward.
“Perhaps I could help, brotha,” Dr. Lafitte drawled, bringing Castiel’s angry gaze back to him. “My name is Dr. Benjamin Lafitte. I am one of the head oncologists here at the hospital.”
“Okay,” Castiel snarked, eyes still sparking with hatred toward the other man, “should I be impressed with your position? Should I be grateful my husband decided to cheat on me with the head of a department?”
“Castiel, shut the fuck up,” Gabriel growled, extracting himself from where he had tried to hug Dean to death. “Stop being such a prissy, insecure little bitch and listen to what the man is telling you. Really listen.”
“Fine,” Castiel grumped, sounding like a petulant three-year old who had been denied a favorite snack. In his mind, the blue-eyed Novak was wondering how quickly he could file separation papers, and where he could stay, since obviously Gabriel didn’t want him crashing with him. Of course Gabriel would take Dean’s side - as per freaking usual.
“Let me try this again, if you can try not to be a dick for a few minutes,” Dr. Lafitte sassed back.
“Benny,” Dean warned, “enough. This isn’t Cas’ fault. It’s mine.”
Castiel turned to look at his husband and something in what he saw caused him to stop. Dean didn’t have the demeanor of a man whose husband found out he was cheating. He had the bearing of a man who was weighed down by a great burden; a burden that he had shouldered alone for too long, but he was afraid to share his load.
“Tell me, then,” Castiel said, working to reign in his anger and his betrayal - he was betrayed both by his husband and his brother.
“I should have told you before now,” Dean started, carefully extricating himself from Gabriel’s death grip and walking toward his husband. “I just didn’t want to worry you before I really knew for certain. And, then, you were getting ready to take your CPA test, and I didn’t want to disturb your studies because you worked so hard. And, then, I just was scared as to what you would say and do. I never would have thought you would have jumped to the conclusion I cheated on you - because that is the last thing I ever would do.”
Castiel looked at the familiar face staring back at him. He had stared at his husband’s features so many times over the years, mapping each cinnamon-fleck freckle, tracing the contours of his plush lips - Dean’s face was as familiar to Castiel as his own. When he looked into red-rimmed green eyes, Castiel saw nothing but love and honesty radiating from the other man.
“Cas, Gabe,” Dean said, turning to include his brother-in-law in their conversation as well. “I’d like you to meet Dr. Benjamin Lafitte. We are going to be spending quite a lot of time with Benny over the next few weeks and months.”
“You might be, but I sure the hell am not,” Castiel retorted, pulling away from his husband again.
“So yer the kinda guy who runs out when his husband’s been diagnosed with cancer, huh?” Benny’s Cajun drawl taunted Castiel. “Guess I woulda figured the man who landed Dean would be willing to stick around for the long haul.”
Castiel’s brain couldn’t make sense of what he heard. He felt like Alice who had just gone through the looking glass. Right was wrong and up was down. He couldn’t have heard what he just heard.
“I’m sorry,” Castiel said, trying to stop the buzzing in his head. “What did you say.”
“I am a colleague of Dean’s,” Benny replied, “but, right now, my relationship with him is of the doctor-patient kind.”
Castiel felt his knees going weak and the buzzing in his ears increased, growing louder by the minute.
“I’m so sorry, Cas,” Dean said, tearfully. “I should have told you sooner.”
“I don’t understand,” Castiel gasped out, overwhelmed by all the sensations. The lights were too bright, his breathing was too loud.
“I started feeling sick about a month ago,” Dean admitted, not able to meet his husband’s gaze. “I chalked it up to too many hours working and too much stress. About a week after I felt the first symptoms, I passed out in the doctor’s lounge; one of the other residents found me and called for help. By the time another doctor arrived, I was awake and sitting up. I asked them not to call you, I didn’t want you to worry - it was a week before your exam.”
Castiel cringed, remembering how obsessed he’d been with finding time to study. He wanted to make sure he passed his Certified Public Accountant’s exam, it was the last piece of the puzzle, and then he would be able to get a job as an auditor at one of the area’s most prestigious accounting firms, and he and Dean would be financially secure while Dean finished his residency.
“Lisa and Pam, one of the other nurses, convinced me to get checked out,” Dean continued, reaching out to grab his husband’s hand, both of them needing the contact at that moment. “During the exam, they drew some blood samples. The results came back slightly concerning, and based on my history, they asked me to see one of the oncologists.”
“Dean and I had worked together on a young patient a few months back and we were friendly,” Dr. Lafitte - Benny - chimed in. “He came to see me, and we prepared for a battery of tests, including a PET scan. The results came back conclusive - Dean has a growth in the lining of his stomach, all indications are the growth is a tumor, and based on his previous history, our guess is that it is malignant.”
“I was gonna tell you, babe,” Dean cried to his husband. “It’s just I had waited so long, I didn’t know how to break the news. It’s not like it’s something I can say over dinner … hey Cas, gotta have surgery to remove a possibly cancerous growth from my stomach, it’s like when we were seventeen all over again, could you pass the pasta?”
Castiel was shaking, he couldn’t control the tremors that were wracking his frame. Dean was sick. His Dean, his beloved had cancer. It was a miracle that Dean had survived the first time, Castiel knew their odds were not as good the second time around.
“When?” Castiel managed to get out past chapped lips. “When is the surgery?”
“Next week,” Benny replied, watching as Dean moved forward to wrap his husband in a tentative embrace.
Castiel flinched initially at the contact, but quickly melted into his husband’s arms. He was not going to lose this. No one was going to take Dean away from him.
“Okay,” Castiel said, steel lacing his tone. He wrapped his arms firmly around his husband, pouring his love and strength into the other man. “So, we kicked cancer’s ass once before, we can do it again.”
“Oh hells yeah,” Gabriel replied, stepping to the other side of his brother-in-law, drying his eyes and plastering a cocky smirk on his face.
“I love you,” Dean whispered to his husband. “so much. I am so sorry I made you doubt me.”
“Shhh, love, I love you, too,” Castiel replied. “You did nothing wrong. I am so sorry, I let my fears and doubts get away from me. I know better. I know you better than this. But, no more secrets, you just have to let me take some of the load.”
Dean nodded and leaned forward and brushed his lips over his husband’s, content in knowing his spouse was standing tall and strong at his side and that they would face this together. He was relieved Castiel could now help share the burden, and grateful he no longer had to try to hide what was going on. With his family at his side, he could beat this - he did it before, he could do it again, especially when he had so much to live for.
“Alright Lafitte,” Dean said with a jaunty grin of his own, his heart feeling lighter than it had in weeks, “we’ve got work to do.”