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Clark pulled ineffectually at the shackles around his wrist, trying yet again to loosen them even though the previous seven attempts had already failed. Just inside the right cuff he could feel a slight ridge, where he assumed the blue Kryptonite was fitted.
“At least they used blue instead of green,” he sighed slumping against the wall in defeat.
“What was that?” his cellmate asked, sprawled across the floor looking oddly comfortable for someone who had been zapped out of his home without warning and locked in an alien prison with a virtual stranger.
“Nothing Mr Wayne,” Clark muttered.
“You need to relax Kent. Trust me, this isn’t my first rodeo. First rule of kidnapping, don’t stress. It never helps and just tires you out.”
Poor man. Despite the otherworldly method of extraction, he probably still thought this was just a normal kidnapping.
Oh, Clark realised with a twinge of guilt, Bruce probably thought this was about him! That he, the billionaire, businessowner was the intended target and Clark was just an unfortunate reporter who happened to be near him at the time. He didn’t realise that the opposite was true; that Clark was the target and Bruce the bystander. As evidenced by the kryptonite shackles.
“Mr Wayne I’m so sorry.”
Bruce tilted his head up to look at Clark, curiosity shining in his eyes. “Hmm?”
“I’m so sorry you got caught up in this. This…” he waved his hand, gesturing to the room around them, “it’s all my fault.”
“How do you figure?”
Clark swallowed nervously. Was he really going to reveal his greatest secret to this man?
Yes, he decided. It was his fault Bruce was in this mess. He deserves to know.
“I…I’m not just a reporter Mr Wayne. I mean I am a reporter but…that’s just one side of my life. The truth is, we were taken because they were after me. Because…I’m Superman.”
Wayne stared at him for a brief moment, face blank, then nodded in acceptance. “Alright.”
Alright. Clark huffed, shoulders untensing, he’d been expecting a bit more of a reaction than that but, ok, this was fine.
“Whilst we’re confessing things,” Bruce continued, shifting to sit against the wall, mirroring Clark himself. “I’m Batman.”
The words took a second to register and when they did Clark deflated in frustration at the obvious sarcasm. “No. Mr Wayne, please understand. I’m serious. I really am Superman.”
“I understand,” Wayne responded, lips quirking in amusement.
“My powers are being hindered right now due to something in the manacles. Otherwise, I would have broken us out of here and gotten you to safety.”
“Of course. I know Superman wouldn’t have just sat here doing nothing if he wasn’t being weakened in some way.”
“No, I wouldn’t.”
“And I would have gotten us free if they hadn’t taken my lockpicks.”
“Mr Wayne. Please take this seriously.”
“I take everything seriously Superman. I’m Batman.”
“Look, it’s obvious you don’t believe me…”
“I do believe you.”
“…but I really am Superman, and I want you to know that whatever happens I will do my best to protect you.”
“Since your powers are being hindered it seems to me that I’ll be the one protecting you.”
“Right,” Clark sighed, not bothering to argue.
“Because I’m Batman.”
“Sure.”
…
“Hey Superman?”
Clark groaned and turned to face the other man, to show he was listening. They had been here at least 24 hours now and being cut off from his powers was making him exhausted.
"You’ve met Wonder Woman, right?”
That, wasn’t what he’d been expecting.
He had met her in fact, they’d worked together a few times in the past and Clark had been extremely impressed by the warrior princess, he hoped that she was out there, aware of this abduction, and working on a way to save them.
“Yes,” Clark admitted, wondering where this question was heading and hoping the known playboy would keep his comments on Superman’s fellow hero respectful.
“What would you get her for Christmas?”
“What?”
“She gave me a battle axe last year. I don’t know how to match that.”
“She…what?” Clark sat up and frowned at the other man in confusion. What was he talking about?
“I don’t know if I’ll ever have use for a battle axe of course, but it was still a nice gift, very good craftmanship. I think she figured it would be appropriate for a fellow warrior.”
Fellow...? Oh right.
“Because you’re Batman?” Clark muttered, closing his eyes in exasperation.
“Right.”
“Ok.”
“So, what would you get her?”
“I don’t…” This was ridiculous Clark decided. “Mr Wayne, I don’t think Themyscirans celebrate Christmas.”
“Neither do I. I’m Jewish.”
“Then why would she get you a Christmas present?” Clark challenged, pointing out the obvious hole in his foolish narrative.
“Well obviously she doesn’t know that I’m Jewish. I assume she was just trying to be friendly by observing common American customs.”
“By giving Batman a Christmas present?”
“Why not?”
“She didn’t give me a Christmas present,” Clark pointed out. “Why would she give one to Batman and not Superman hmm?”
“Maybe she didn’t think Kryptonian’s celebrated Christmas?”
Clark frowned, upset by that thought. “I celebrate Christmas,” he sulked.
“Ok,” Bruce nodded. “What would you like for Christmas?”
“I don’t…just stop…please?”
He did stop. For about five minutes.
“Should I get her a weapon too?” Bruce mused aloud, “Would that be too obvious? She clearly has her own. Or maybe some jewellery? Does she wear jewellery? When she’s out of costume I mean? Cost is no issue of course so I’m not limited for options. Or would an expensive gift seem shallow? Maybe I should handmake something? Like pottery? Have you ever tried making pottery? I could make her a vase with her picture on it, Hercules style.”
Clark frowned, torn between irritation and interest. He loved Hercules, it was his favourite Disney movie. It was unsurprising that he’d always connected deeply with the story of the boy with super strength who fell from the sky only to be adopted by farmers and grew to be a hero. Clark would love a vase with his picture on it, Hercules style. That would be so cool!
“Go to sleep Mr Wayne,” he grumbled, turning away again.
…
“Who do you think is faster, you or The Flash?”
“He is. We tested it.”
“I wish I could have seen that.”
“You couldn’t have. Even if you’d been present.”
“Show off.”
…
“Is Green Lantern an alien too?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
…
“# # I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that will get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves # #”
“If I had my laser vison right now, I would cauterise your lips shut.”
“Wow. Dark. Are you sure you’re the blue boy-scout?”
“I’ve never been a boy-scout.”
“I was. Sort of. My butler looked up all the achievements and then ran activities to entertain me during the summer breaks. He even added some extra skills once I’d mastered all of the official ones. I learned a lot from it.”
“That’s…sweet. I think.”
“It’s why I’m always prepared.”
“Sure.”
*gasp* “Bat-scout!”
…
“Fuck, marry, kill; Martian Manhunter, Green…”
“No!”
…
“What do you think they want with us?”
“I don’t know Mr Wayne.”
“Do you think we’ll be rescued?”
“I hope so.”
“Do you think Wonder Woman will carry me out of here in her arms bridal style?”
“Oh, for goodness-sake you…no…you know what…she won’t…she’ll be carrying me.”
“Hehe, ok, ok. I’ll take Hawkgirl.”
“You get Green Lantern.”
“Pass.”
…
“Clark? Superman? Are you awake? You’re looking kind of pale buddy. Kent? You ok? Kent?”
…
Clark woke up to bright lights over his head and immediately panicked, his body instinctively rising into the air and entering a defensive stance.
“Woah, woah, woah” an alarmed voice shouted and a green glow filled the room, making Clark panic even more, certain that the kryptonite was about to floor him. He swooped back covering his face to shield against the attack, for whatever good it would do, still too disoriented to coordinate a counter attack.
Clarity returned slowly and Clark blinked away dots in his eyes, realising in parts that he wasn’t feeling the nauseating effect of the green rock he expected, in fact he felt great, better than he had in days. He was awake, he was energised, he was flying! As soon as he realised, gravity reasserted itself and his feet slammed into the floor with a thud. Clark looked to his wrists, noting that the manacles were gone at last, and in front of him, it wasn’t kryptonite at all, it was Green Lantern, using his ring to form a shield. Clark must have startled him when he jumped up.
“I…sorry,” he muttered feeling guilty. “What happened?”
A brief scan of his surroundings revealed he was back on Earth.
After a pause to confirm he was back to normal Green Lantern dropped the shield. “You were kidnapped by aliens.”
“I know that part. What happened after I lost consciousness? How did I get back here?”
“Uh, I don’t know. I was notified when the ship was seen near Earth but then it flew away, I had no idea it had taken anyone. Then it landed back on Earth three days after it left. Wonder Woman, Martian Manhunter, and I went in to investigate and found you in the medical bay passed out and all the aliens locked in the cells. I'm assuming you did that?”
Did he? No. “No…I…" Who? "Bruce…”
“Bruce?”
“He…there was no one else on the ship? No humans?”
Bruce. What happened to Bruce?
“No. I scanned the whole ship. It was clear. Why? Was someone else taken too?” Lantern asked in alarm.
Clark was about to respond when he caught sight of the television in the corner of the makeshift hospital room he was in.
“Batman spotted in crime alley this morning, extinguishing rumours of his disappearance that had begun after several days without a verified sighting.”
“Oh,” he realised Lantern was still waiting on an answer, looking worried about the potential human victim. “Uh, no. No. I think I just, had a bad dream.”
“Yeah? You know you gave us a real shock there. When we found you, we thought you were just some random guy, almost sent you to a normal hospital. Then I scanned you with my ring to check for injuries and almost had a heart attack.”
“Oh, yeah.” Superman ducked his head and looked away bashfully, “Uh, Clark Kent,” he introduced, holding out his hand. “Nice to meet you out of costume for once.”
The green suit faded away leaving behind a flight suit, “Hal Jordan. Likewise.”
…
Clark floated down to the Gotham rooftop gently. “Hi.”
Batman looked away from his binoculars and turned around, showing no surprise at Clark’s arrival. “You’re looking better.”
“Thanks. I…um…thanks.” For getting us home somehow, he thought and trusted that it was understood.
“Don’t mention it.”
He couldn’t not mention it. There were still so many pieces missing.
“What happened?”
“You passed out. I called the guards. They came in to check on you. I over powered the first one. Escaped the shackles. After that it wasn’t hard to neutralise the rest of them.”
“It wasn’t?”
“You were right.”
“About what?”
“You were the target. They had no idea who I was. They got lucky when they frisked me and took my lockpicks. Weren’t expecting me to fight back and weren’t prepared for it at all.”
“You flew the ship back?”
“I threatened the pilot.”
Clark barked a laugh then rubbed the back of his head feeling embarrassed, “So you really are…you?”
“I told you I was.”
“I know but…”
“You thought I was joking.”
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t expecting the fearsome bat of Gotham to be quite such an annoying little shit!” he laughed, relaxing now the ice had broken.
Batman was smiling back at him. “Exactly.”
“It’s a good disguise.”
“Better than a pair of glasses?”
“Hey, it’s more than a pair of glasses!” Clark defended, “It’s a persona, a way of holding myself, a way of speaking, a…” he cut himself off at the bat’s smirk, “Did you know before I told you?”
“No.”
“Did you believe me?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” Looking back, Clark wouldn’t have believed himself if he’d been in the other man’s place.
“You seemed so sincere.”
Clark smiled at that, then frowned as another thought occurred to him.
“You left me!”
“What?”
“On the ship. After we landed back on Earth. You just left me in there.”
“No, I didn’t. I hid when the others arrived because I don’t want everyone knowing my identity, but I didn’t leave until you were safely in their hands. I’m hardly an expert in alien biology. I figured Manhunter and Lantern might be better able to provide you aide.”
“Lantern said he scanned the ship, there were no humans there.”
Batman just smirked, giving nothing away.
“Are you an alien?” Clark asked.
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Demon?”
“No.”
“Vampire?”
“No.”
“Magically enhanced fursona?”
“Now who’s an annoying little shit?”
“Oh, you have no idea Bat Boy! I owe you for three hours of that damned song. I’m just getting started here.”
“Get out of my city.”
“Are you a human-bat Hybrid cooked up in a Gotham laboratory?”
“No but I can introduce you to one.”
“What even is this city?”
“Says the alien.”
“I’m weird. You’re Gotham weird. Which everyone knows is worse.”
“How dare you.”
“I dare. I double dare.”
“I’ve made a terrible mistake revealing my identity to you.”
“Darn right. You’re stuck with me now.”
Clark was grinning as he continued to follow Batman across the rooftops, pretending not to notice that the bat was grinning too.
“Congratulations by the way,” Batman told him as they went.
“For what?”
“Wonder Woman did carry you off the ship bridal style.”
…
Later:
“Clark,” Lois asked sounding baffled, “why do you have a Superman vase on your cabinet?”
“Uh…”
“I never knew you were such a fan. Do you want me to introduce you?”
“Uh, no, no, I, um.”
“I have an idea, I’m due to interview him again next week. You can join me if you want.”
“Oh, well that’s very kind Lois but…I can’t. Next week I’m…uh…interviewing Batman.”
“YOU’RE WHAT??”
Oops.