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Ever since the spider bite I've always felt like I have been stuck in a dream, like reality doesn't exist anymore and all this only exists in my head. Sometimes I wonder when I'll wake up, and i wonder how long it would take me to forget all of this, just becoming another forgotten dream. My mind almost stops functioning when I see a video of myself in Spiderman form, swinging through the streets of queens, a real hero.
That's not me though, that's not peter parker.
Spiderman means so much, people look up to Spiderman, they view him as a symbol of goodness, someone who makes them feel safer. I'm not him, I run away from things and look at the floor when confrontation happens. I wish I was more like my other personality, the one that matters, but they just seem so far apart my brain just can't pull them together, always reverting back to the lesser of the two. When I do become him, become the amazing spider man, I start to forget peter parker, and it all starts to feel real again, the automatic reactions and witty comebacks just come so naturally, I save a cat, I save a kid, people are thankful and I make the people in my life that know who I am under the mask proud.
Spiderman makes it worth it for me to wake up , he gives me a reason to forgive myself for being weak and to take care of myself so he can be his best.
I owe him that, and so much more.