Chapter Text
When it first begins, Rui hasn’t exactly opened his eyes.
He sort of floats into consciousness, in that dreamlike way where there’s no real beginning or awakening. He just sort of appears, to an environment that believes he’s been there the entire time, to a beach of purple hues, to something that makes sense only to him. There are no palm trees, the water is practically still, the clouds are pink against a lilac sky, and there he is, standing off to the side. As if he’s peering into his own dream, his own mind.
This is a common occurrence for Rui, to be an onlooker in his own imagination. He’s never been a star, neither in nor out of sleep, but rather the director. He changes the story he watches every other night, directing from the sidelines, his feet digging into sand that feels more like grass than anything else, the air still.
There’s something different about tonight, though. A figure.
Something - someone - is seated at the edge of the unmoving seashore, arms wrapped around their folded legs as they gaze out at the sea, seemingly unaware of Rui’s presence.
Rui blinks. Who?
He decides to walk over, feet against grain that makes no sound, until he stops just behind the figure. And by now. By now there’s a low swoop of fear in his stomach, back and forth and back and forth because he knows. He knows who it is.
“Tsukasa.”
The blond boy’s head whips around, eyes meeting Rui’s. And then he’s gone. He doesn’t fade or disintegrate or even disappear. He’s just there one millisecond and gone the next.
Rui stands alone on his empty beach. Gulps.
Tsukasa. In his dream.
Interesting.
+++
“Let me get this straight. Tsukasa was in your dream last night and now you’re… freaking out?”
Rui rubs a hand over his eyes, glancing over at Nene as she watches him with a look that reads a lot like You’re kidding me. “...If we’re going to severely water it down, then yes. That’s the issue.”
“Doesn’t sound like much of an issue to me,” Nene shrugs, pointer finger winding around the hair near her face. “People appear in dreams all the time. Just the other night I had a dream that you and Emu went to space, and then I woke up because it was like woah. For a split second I actually thought it happened, because, y’know. That seems like the type of dumb thing you guys would do.” She huffs. “Dreams never make sense.”
“Mine do,” Rui tries to explain, though some small part of him is sure she won’t understand no matter how many times he repeats himself. “It’s like- I- Like I direct them. I control them, I decide what happens, but then he was there. As soon as I was there, Tsukasa was too.”
Nene shakes her head. “So you had a normal dream for once? I’m still not following what’s so weird about this.”
“What’s weird is that Tsukasa showed up and I don’t know why.”
“...Do I need to explain my space dream again? Because I don’t know why that happened either.”
Rui sighs. “No.”
They walk in silence for a bit, Rui kicking pebbles along the sidewalk as Nene travels beside him, deep in thought. Eventually she perks up.
“Maybe it was your subconscious.”
Rui raises an eyebrow. “My subconscious?”
“Yeah,” Nene nods, almost smiling at her revelation. “Like part of your brain wanted Tsukasa in your weird lucid dream thingy.”
Rui considers this. Nobody has ever appeared in his dreams against his will before, but perhaps there’s a first time for everything. “Why Tsukasa?”
“Maybe he’s just determined to annoy you every second of the day and at night.”
Rui smirks. Sounds like Tsukasa. “I wouldn’t say annoying.”
“Well why would you be thinking about Tsukasa?” Nene wonders. “Like- enough for him to show up in your little personal world thing?”
And Rui knows the answer, but he shrugs and says nothing. To admit to Nene that his feelings for Tsukasa have developed into something… more, as of these past few weeks, would be more revealing than any dream. So he keeps his little crush to himself and lets Nene continue to mutter hypotheses under her breath until the sign for Phoenix Wonderland floats into their line of vision.
Of course when Rui’s dream goes haywire, he has to face the cause of said chaos at practice the next day. He hasn’t caught a break since he joined this troupe, met Tsukasa on that roof so long ago, but he likes it that way. Usually.
So he and Nene wander into the park, all the way back to the stage where Tsukasa and Emu are already waiting, animatedly discussing something that is definitely dangerous, judging by Emu’s wide gestures and loud use of onomatopoeias.
When the two finally notice the arrival of their friends, they light up. “Rui, Nene!” Emu calls. “We’ve got an idea!”
“Oh boy,” Nene mutters, and Rui hums in agreement.
Whatever outlandish suggestion Rui is about to hear certainly won’t be out of his range. No matter how dangerous or impossible the task may seem, Rui will get it done. He would prefer to go all out, even expanding on the risk of almost every idea, but Nene or Tsukasa usually stop him.
“What is it now?” Nene asks once they’re all onstage. “And if you say anything involving sharp objects, I’m out.”
“We’ve decided that our new show needs something new!” Tsukasa announces, looking rather proud. Rui’s stomach flips at the smug grin, and if Nene could sense it, she would surely ask what’s wrong.
“Something… new?”
“Yes! Something we haven’t done before, something to bring the audience in, invest them with pathos they can’t tear their gaze away from-”
“Get to the point, Tsukasa.”
The blond clears his throat. “We need romance.”
Rui freezes. Nene cocks her head, clearly having expected something different. “Why romance?”
“Think about it,” Tsukasa starts, Emu excitedly nodding along next to him. “What ropes in the masses these days? What brings out emotion we have yet to draw from our audiences? What gets people invested?”
“Robots,” Rui answers.
Tsukasa blinks. “...No. Romance.”
“How are we gonna work that in, though?” Nene asks the logical question. “We already have the show planned out. I can’t really see any time for romance while Tsukasa is fighting a dragon.”
“That’s where we’re stuck,” Tsukasa says. “As you, Nene, are the queen, Emu is the dragon, and Rui is the mage… there’s no way to truly fit any subplot in.”
“So why don’t we add it into the next show?” Rui asks.
“Because this show needs an extra wow!” Emu answers with a grin. “Tsukasa said it’s missing a special something. What’s more special than romance?”
“A lot of things,” Nene replies. “Look. I’m okay with adding something like that but only if it makes sense.”
The group falls into a silence, contemplating Nene’s words. Rui wonders how they would write a romance even if they found a way to work it into the plot of the show. They’ve never tried anything like this before, and as far as he’s aware, none of them have ever been in a relationship. As it stands, they’ll be writing based off of what they’ve seen in movies and read in books… and if not that, then Rui’s mind-withering crush on their troupe leader.
There is absolutely no way we can make this work.
“Okay,” Nene says suddenly, interrupting Rui’s spiraling train of thought. “So obviously Tsukasa is going to be one half of the relationship because he’s the main character.”
“Correct,” Tsukasa confirms with a gleaming eye.
“And if my character is assumed to be married already, I’m thankfully out of the running,” she continues.
“...Thankf-”
“Which leaves,” Nene cuts the blond boy off, “the dragon or the mage.”
Another silence. Rui desperately does not want to act like he’s in love with Tsukasa onstage because he’s afraid of how much he really, really wants to act like he’s in love with Tsukasa onstage, which makes no sense. He’s not really looking to make sense right now anyway.
“The dragon,” he says before he can stop himself.
Three quizzical pairs of eyes. Nene cocks her head, eyes narrowed. “The… dragon?”
Rui shrugs, mind scrambling to justify why the hell Tsukasa’s character should fall in love with a dragon. “If we want to keep the audience’s attention, then perhaps we should play into their suspension of disbelief?”
He winces. Oh god that made no sense at all-
“I get it!” Tsukasa announces, and Rui visibly relaxes. “We should keep them guessing!”
“Wouldn’t it make more sense if he was with, I dunno, a human?” Nene asks, and her suspicious gaze is about to burn a hole through the side of Rui’s head.
Emu grabs the girl’s arm, sudden strength and excited smile pulling the attention away from Rui. “Think about it, Nene! Wouldn’t it be so cool if Tsukasa declared his love for the dragon and then I got to breathe fire everywhere?!”
Nene sighs. “How are those two things related?”
“Then it’s decided!” Tsukasa declares, because once Emu is on board, Nene is too. “The prince will fall for the dragon!”
And as soon as the words leave his mouth, ideas are bouncing back and forth. Emu doesn’t care exactly what happens as long as she gets to breathe fire, Nene is trying her best to turn Emu’s suggestions into a coherent storyline, and Tsukasa…
Tsukasa wants a kiss.
The ultimate ending! is what he says. The audience will cheer as the prince captures the dragon in a kiss, and then…
And then Rui stops listening.
Because as much as it hurts to think about, and as reluctant as he is to admit it, he wishes they had decided on the mage.
He knows he has no right to feel so let down when he’s the one who suggested the dragon in the first place, but some part of his brain, the part that contains all of his impossible ideas and shoot-for-the-stars thoughts, decides that maybe Tsukasa could have protested. Maybe he could have agreed with Nene when she mentioned the mage being a better option, maybe…
Maybe he could want Rui too.
+++
When Rui falls asleep that night, he isn’t really thinking about his last dream.
To be honest, he had been trying not to think about anything involving Tsukasa since they had wrapped up practice earlier that day. It didn’t take long for them to write a romantic subplot, and once they had it all planned out, Tsukasa and Emu had gotten to practicing right away. Rui had watched from the ground, giving staging directions and cues where he deemed them applicable. Nene had stood next to him, watching Rui more than the actors onstage, but said nothing as they left for the night.
Rui had also been trying to squash the small bubble of jealousy in his stomach and desperately hoping Nene couldn’t tell.
(She definitely had.)
All of this to say the dream had simply slipped Rui’s mind by the time he finally fell asleep. And he’s never had the same dream twice, so there’s really no reason to think about it anyway.
Until, that is, the beach appears in front of him, the same figure from last night sat in the sand and watching the water lap against the shore.
Rui doesn’t move. Tsukasa again? The boy doesn’t seem to notice Rui’s presence, eyes trained on the ocean before him. Rui thinks he hears a light humming, but can’t make out the tune.
And he knows he should be content like this, simply watching this dream version of Tsukasa for hours on end, but dreams have a funny way of giving false confidence. He’s moving before he knows it, and when he sits down next to Tsukasa, the boy looks up. His eyebrows raise and his mouth falls open just the slightest bit, but he’s still there, so Rui counts this as a win.
“Tsukasa,” he greets him, voice soft so as to not scare him away.
Tsukasa pauses. “Rui.”
And Rui almost wants to cry at how gentle the sound of Tsukasa’s voice is in his dream, how his name floats off his lips, because of course this is exactly how Rui dreams Tsukasa would say his name. Hushed. Tender. Light.
“What are you doing here?” Rui asks.
Tsukasa is still watching him, but now he tilts his head. “I’m not sure. This is your beach, isn’t it?”
“I suppose,” Rui hums. “But I’m not sure either.”
And they sit in the quiet, the sound of wind rushing through their ears even though nothing tousles their hair or clothes, the water teasing the tips of their toes. And when he really thinks about it, maybe Nene was right. Maybe this is Rui’s subconscious trying to reach the forefront of his mind, fighting against the crazy ideas and mundane thoughts of everyday life just to become known, just to tell him that his developing feelings need to be dealt with before they consume him whole, just to tell him everything he already knows.
And maybe he should listen.
“Tsukasa,” he repeats tentatively, and the boy glances over at him. “Do you think dreams have any meaning?”
There’s no response for a second, only the soft sound of Tsukasa’s thoughtful hum. “...Maybe. Although I think the dreams we hold while awake are more meaningful.”
“Interesting,” Rui murmurs. “My dreams are sometimes… bizarre, anyway. If there was any meaning, I suppose I’d have to dig to find it.” He looks over at Tsukasa, meeting his gaze. “What do you mean by the dreams we hold when we’re awake, though?”
“Like mine to be the biggest star,” Tsukasa explains, and that grin Rui loves so dearly flits onto his face. “My dream to put a smile on everyone’s faces means more than anything I could come up with in my sleep. Unless, of course, I were to dream about that exact thing, but then I would probably get so excited, I’d just wake up.” He laughs lightly, and Rui thinks he would do anything to make Tsukasa’s dreams come true. “What about you?”
“Hm?”
“Do you have a dream, Rui?”
And Rui wonders, how? How does he tell Tsukasa that he is, quite literally, the embodiment of his dream? That yes, he may lie awake at night thinking about shows or robots, but more often than not he’s thinking about what would happen if he had the courage to look his troupe leader in the eye and confess everything?
“You know my dream,” he says instead. “I would also like to put on the kind of show that brings people together.”
“Did you ever have a dream before that?” Tsukasa asks, hugging his knees to his chest. “Like, before we met? You don’t talk much about it, and Nene won’t tell me anything.”
“You ask Nene about me?” Rui asks with an amused smile.
Tsukasa, in all his dream-like glory, stammers. “W- Well it was only once! Or twice. I’m not sure.” He coughs, and Rui thinks he can see a blush. This really is a dream. “But that’s not the point! Back to my question.”
Rui shrugs. He doesn’t talk about his past very often because he doesn’t particularly enjoy thinking about it. His life, back when he only had Nene, was rather bland compared to now. And beyond what he has already shared with everyone… there’s not much else to say.
But it should be easier to explain in a dream.
“It was more of a… wish, than a dream,” he says quietly. “When I was young, all I really wanted was to be understood. I think after awhile I subconsciously built a wall between myself and my peers.” He shakes his head. “It was silly of me. To think that just because none of my classmates were fond of my ideas, nobody ever would be… if it weren’t for Nene, things would have been much worse for me back then.”
When he pauses to glance at Tsukasa, Rui is almost surprised to see the boy looking back with something like sadness in his eyes.
“There’s no need to feel bad,” Rui whispers, turning his gaze back to the soundless sea. “I’m fine now, aren’t I? I was fortunate enough to come across you and Emu. I don’t need everyone in the world to understand me as long as I have a few people who do.”
And it’s a bit therapeutic, to finally say it out loud. Even though it’s only a dream, it makes him feel better to confide in Tsukasa like this, to confront himself in a way he’s never truly been able to before. He feels warm.
“I guess nobody knew what they were missing out on back then, huh?”
Rui looks at Tsukasa, mouth poised to ask what he’s talking about, but the boy beats him to it. “I mean… it can be dangerous, yeah. And sometimes it’s scary to hear you talk about your ideas like you don’t really mind for my safety, but…” He shrugs. “There’s never a satisfactory reward without a great risk. And as a star, the most impressive thing I can do is push my own boundaries!” That gleam is in his eyes again. “In order to keep surpassing the audience’s expectations, I have to keep trying new things!” He looks over at Rui, and the purple-haired boy feels the excitement in his words. “And none of that would be possible without you and your crazy ideas!”
Rui thinks this is a compliment, but he tries not to linger on it when he feels a blush fighting to reach the surface of his cheeks. “Thank you, Tsukasa.”
“I’m serious, Rui,” the blond boy says, and he looks sincere. “And as long as you have the rest of us…” He trails off, eyes downcast before he gently, gently takes Rui’s hand in his own. “...As long as you have me.” He looks back up at Rui, and shit he can definitely see my blush now. “You’ll never have to feel lonely again.”
Rui is so stunned by his words that it only takes one blink for him to gasp into his own bed, eyes bleary as they find the ceiling above him.
Shit.