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To my dearest, Neil Perry,
I know that you will never be able to read this because you’ve already passed on, but I never got to express how I truly felt about you, so I guess now will just have to do. Although you are somewhere far, far away from here, I hope with every fiber of my being that these words of mine can still reach you somehow. There’s things that I need to get off of my chest. Things that I’d thought were better left unsaid when you were still here with us, but I now realize that, having not said them, has caused me to have unimaginable regrets. You see, I wrote you poem. I’ve written many for you, actually, but I never dared, not even in my most unbridled, zany reveries, to ever read or show a single one of them to you. I was afraid that what I feel for you might not be reciprocated, and I certainly didn’t want this to be yet another case of tearful, unrequited romance. Though, even if you had felt the same as I do, a love like ours in a world like this isn’t respected. It isn’t allowed..But, maybe there could have been a way for us to work it out. The unfortunate thing is, this is merely one of many burning inquiries of which I’ll just have to live with knowing that I can’t ever get the answer.
Anyway, what I’ve got here is a poem I picked from my personal favorites of my collection of compositions I’ve written specially for you, this one is titled, “Morosely.” I hope you like it.
Splendidly, deliriously joyous were the days I spent by your side.
And morosely are the days of the present; the days that I spend without you.
You see,
Ever since my birthday,
The day you encouraged me to throw that desk set into the air,
I realized something about myself.
That something is that I was in love.
I am in love.
I have been ever since that day.
That day which I fell so deeply,
For you,
Neil Perry.
But, I couldn’t say it.
I had to pretend that I didn’t feel that way.
A boy,
Making another boy’s heart sing with feelings of romance?
Of yearning?
Pining?
And in an all boys’ school, too?
To admit my feelings
Would be akin to being sentenced
To a lifetime of incarceration.
Even the death penalty would be more merciful.
So, morosely are the days that I live presently.
But still will I always be nostalgic
For those days of yore
Those days that I spent
With you.
Sincerely, Todd Anderson
P.S. I will remember you always, both in my memories and in my heart.