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Ace is dead.
Ace is dead.
Ace is dead.
Ace is dead.
Luffy has told himself this over and over and over and over.
He’s told himself this until his throat felt raw and his eyes grew dry of tears until he grew numb to it all.
Ace is dead.
People die.
Luffy’s known this since he woke up and his big brother Sabo was no longer there, has known this since Merry had a fiery grave, since Ace died in his arms. Luffy knows that death is inevitable, he knows this, he knows this, he knows this.
He knows this, but it had never gotten easier. Seeing his crew all alive and healthy and smiling after they had been taken away after two years of fearing they hadn’t lived, Luffy had been so relieved. He had spent hours staring at his crew, basking in their changes, in their laughs and smiles and in their voices. Strong and thrumming and telling their own stories. It had almost pulled a veil over his eyes, that death was inevitable, but he was able to prolong it.
Seeing Law bleeding, arm gone, voice a rasp, Luffy had been reminded of how easy death was. It was so easy; life could disappear in the blink of an eye. He had placed his ear over Law’s chest when he had woken up in Rebecca’s home, Law on the floor by him and dozing. Law had argued when Luffy had pulled him into the bed, but all it had taken was one shaky please and he had settled onto the covers, had lifted an arm and Luffy had snuggled into him.
He smelled of disinfectant, the irony smell of blood, and something that so entirely Law.
Law had brushed nimble fingers through his hair, had muttered something about Luffy being oh so ridiculous, kissed his temple when he thought Luffy had fallen asleep, and Luffy had remembered how his heart soared just like Law’s did and he had fallen asleep relieved and with a smile.
(His dreams weren’t one of blood and war and Ace.)
His crew is alive. They will stay alive. Luffy will protect them.
Law is alive. He will stay alive. Luffy will protect him.
But Ace?
Ace is dead.
Ace is dead.
Ace is dead.
Luffy has said it hundreds of times, has thought it hundreds of times.
Ace is dead.
He’s grown numb to saying it.
Ace is dead.
He was too weak to protect his older brother.
“Ace is dead.” Luffy had told Otama, his voice void of emotion.
He’s said it enough times for his entire life.
But Ace is never coming back. He will never show up again, never laugh and ruffle his hair, never smile at him in that stupidly fond way that Luffy had taken for granted because Ace is his big brother, he’s strong, he’s capable.
Ace is dead.
He died in Luffy’s arms.
And sometimes – sometimes when the light hits his hands just right, Luffy feels his blood was still staining his skin, too.
“Luffy-ya,”
Luffy looked away from where Otama was laughing with the villagers who they had just given food. He smiled at Law’s direction, it felt strained and fake and he wondered if he could see it.
“Shishi, sorry Torao, you can scold me later–” Luffy started.
Law grabbed onto his hand, skin rough yet grasp gentle and fuck it’s been almost two months since he’s seen him. Luffy’s missed him so much.
“Come with me,” Law said plainly, letting his hand go after a squeeze, turning on his heel and walking away. Luffy followed after him, sending a wave to Zoro as he did so and his swordsman nodded with a cautious look in his eye.
Law wandered between two buildings, turned after a few steps in, crowded him into a wall, and pressed his hands against his cheeks. The surgeon turned his head to the left, to the right, up and down, and Luffy let him do so without any complaints.
“Your virve card started to flame,” Law said, and his voice shook just barely.
Luffy knew how it felt, seeing that card wither.
Ace is dead, his card didn’t exist anymore.
“I’m okay.” Luffy said because he had to be.
He was the captain, he had responsibilities. He was strong.
He hadn’t been able to protect Sanji.
Law thumbed at his cheek where a healing bruise sat. It had been caused by Sanji and later by Katakuri. Luffy didn’t feel a thing, he didn’t want to. Sanji was back and he wasn’t leaving again, that was all that mattered.
“You were hurt.” He said. There was a bitter note to his voice, like he was blaming himself.
Luffy knew how it felt. He didn’t want Law to blame himself.
“I was reckless.” Luffy said, reaching up to hold onto wrist to the hand cupping his cheek.
“You were up against a Yonko.” Law nearly hissed, “Your virve card burned several times.”
“I’m sorry,” Luffy whispered.
Law nodded, a quick thing, and then lowered his free hand to pat at his arms and torso, checking for injuries. Luffy let him do his thing, knowing it would help Law feel better.
Luffy would be doing the same – he had done the same. He wasn’t sure what Law was to him – he had never felt something like this before but hearing his heartbeat could make everything else disappear for Luffy. He loved Law so very much, and he knew Law loved him too.
“You’re okay?” Law asked after a moment.
Luffy wanted to say that he was; he’s never been better.
But Sanji had left. Otama had gotten sick because of him. Ace is dead.
“No,” Luffy admitted, voice wobbling. How long has it been since he had admitted that to himself, let alone someone else? “I’m not okay.”
Law startled, “Where are you–”
Luffy planted his forehead onto Law’s shoulder, turning his face to the crook of Law’s neck and he inhaled his smell. It didn’t smell so much as disinfectant anymore, no blood either. It was entirely Law and dirt and wind. Law slowly wrapped him into a hug and Luffy clung to him.
“Sanji left the crew,” Luffy said.
Law tangled his fingers into Luffy’s hair, where he could. It felt so relaxing.
“Pedro died to help us. We almost didn’t make it out of there Law, I – I almost died–” Luffy felt the shaky inhale from Law more than he heard it, “And I couldn’t protect them.”
Law held him tighter. “You were up against a Yonko, you’re alive, they’re all alive. You did so well, Luffy-ya.”
Luffy wished he could believe that as much as Law seemed to be able to.
“Otama knew Ace.” Luffy said after a long moment of silence.
Law tensed and started to run his hand up and down Luffy’s spine. Luffy closed his eyes, relishing in the feeling.
“I’ve been thinking,” Luffy said softly, “I love Ace very much. When I lost him, it was like I lost myself, even with my crew being out there.” Luffy looked at the wall behind Law, trying to find the words, “When I saw you back at Dressrosa, with your arm gone. I thought you were dead, you know? That feeling I had when Ace died…it was there with you too.”
Luffy buried his face into the fabric of Law’s clothing, “I felt like I had nothing left anymore when I thought I lost you.”
Law shuddered as he leaned into Luffy. “I thought you were going to die.” He admitted, a whisper, “I thought you were going to die like everyone else I loved, and I…I want to die by your side. It’s ridiculous, we haven’t known each other for long.”
“We don’t need to.” Luffy said.
“No, I suppose we don’t.” Law sighed, it was fond to Luffy’s ears.
“Hey, Torao,” Luffy said softly.
“Yes?” Law asked, his fingers dug into the muscle of his lower back, massaging his skin, and it felt better than Luffy would have imagined.
“When we get out of here,” when, not if, “I want to be a little selfish.”
“You always are,” Law said, “What do you want?”
Luffy pulled back from his embrace just enough to meet Law’s eyes, smiling, “I want this alliance to be a permanent thing.” He said, “I don’t want us to end.”
Law smiled slowly, eyes crinkling, full lips rising, his gold-colored eyes softening so much Luffy felt like he would melt and–
“Can I be a little selfish too, Luffy-ya?” Law asked, his smile breathtaking.
“Yeah,” Luffy breathed.
Law softly murmured, “I want us to be a permanent thing too.”
Luffy smiled, a shi-shi-shi falling from his lips as Law rested their foreheads together.
Ace is dead.
Luffy hadn’t been able to protect him.
But Luffy would be damned if he wasn’t able to protect them.