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It’s been two years since Elio and Oliver decided to break up. Or rather, since Oliver confessed that he wasn’t ready for a long-distance relationship. And with him heading off to college soon, there was nothing Elio could do to change things.
They had been together for just over a year by then, and they had only just started telling people. At first they had kept it quiet, not only because Oliver hadn’t come out yet, but because they knew people would have something to say about him not only dating a guy, but someone younger too. And on top of that, Oliver was nervous to have his Professor find out that he was dating his son. But as their relationship got more serious, they knew they couldn’t keep it a secret much longer. So Oliver had come out, and he had even introduced Elio to his parents. To Elio this only reassured him that their relationship was strong, and that it was going to last for a long time - if not forever.
Not long before Oliver graduated, he was starting to withdraw, though. And after yet another argument, Oliver had finally told Elio the truth. He wasn’t ready for a long-distance relationship, and he wanted to be able to focus on his first year at college, without any distractions.
Elio knew that it was just an excuse, though. He knew that Oliver loved him, but that college was a fresh start for him. He would meet new people, and there would be opportunities there. Or, as Elio knew, he wanted to be free to sleep around, and not be tied down anymore.
Elio had had no choice but to accept Oliver’s excuses, so as Oliver was preparing for his graduation, they decided to call it quits.
The break-up hurt Elio more than he wanted to admit, but the fact that he didn’t have to see Oliver every day now that he was graduated and off to college did help. And for two years he got to tell himself that he had accepted what happened. That he was over it.
Now that he has started college himself, and he knows that there’s a risk of running into Oliver again, it’s getting harder to deny the truth, though. He had almost decided to go to a different college, just to avoid Oliver. But running away wasn’t going to fix things, was it?
He hasn’t seen Oliver since the day he graduated, and he doesn’t think he’s ready to see him now. So since moving onto campus, he has tried to hide in his room as much as possible. His roommate didn’t seem to notice at first, but it’s been weeks, and when Elio rejected yet another invitation for a party, he had grabbed the book out of his hands and thrown it into a drawer. This was the time to live life, and Luke - the roommate - wasn’t going to stand by and watch Elio waste this time by hiding.
Of course Luke had run off and abandoned Elio as soon as he spotted a girl he had his eye on, so now Elio is left standing in the corner - feeling awkward and alone and wishing he hadn’t hidden away so much, as maybe then he would actually know any of these people.
He is just about to finish his drink, and then probably head back to their room so he can finish his book, but just as he’s about to set down his cup, a familiar figure steps through the door. Elio drops the empty cup, and for a moment it feels like he can’t breathe. Because this is what he was trying to avoid all this time - this is what he was so scared of. But now that he sees Oliver - together with a boy who is obviously his date - it doesn’t hurt half as much as he thought it would. He still, more than anything, wishes that he were that boy, but Oliver looks happy. He is smiling, and he is greeting everyone as though they’ve been friends for years. He doesn’t hesitate to kiss the boy who’s at his side, and Elio is shocked to realize that he’s smiling when he sees it. Not because he’s happy that Oliver moved on, because it still hurts like hell to see him with someone else, but because he knows how long it took for Oliver to accept himself. To see him like this - like just years ago he wasn’t shaking with nerves the first time they held hands in public - it makes him feel proud.
That doesn’t mean that he wants to stand here and watch Oliver make out with his new boyfriend, though. So he pushes through a group of girls, hoping to be able to leave the party without Oliver or Luke seeing him. But just when he’s about to head out, he looks over his shoulder to take another look at Oliver, because he has no idea when and if he will see him again.
“Elio?” Oliver asks, when their eyes meet. “You’re…”
Elio flashes a small, uncertain smile, and part of him wants to run out the door and not look back. Forget about this and pretend he didn’t see Oliver. But the look on Oliver’s face - one he can’t quite figure the meaning of - makes him stay.
“You look great,” Oliver finally says, even though they both know that that’s not true. Elio was in bed, reading a book when Luke had dragged him to this party, and he is wearing dirty sweatpants and a t-shirt that probably should have been thrown out years ago.
Elio can tell that Oliver is finding this moment as awkward and as painful as he is, so he tries his best to force himself to smile. To fake his way through it, as Oliver is trying so hard to do.
“You too,” he says. He glances over to Oliver’s boyfriend for just a split-second, but when he looks back at Oliver, he knows that he’s been caught. Oliver doesn’t introduce him, though. He just flashes a pained and apologetic smile.
Elio has a thousand questions he wants to ask - so many things he has wondered since last seeing him. But this isn’t the time for it, and if he’s being realistic, there is no point in any of it.
“Elio…”
“I’ve got to go,” Elio says, and before this moment can grow any more awkward or painful, he turns around and he heads out of the door.
Elio didn’t get much sleep, as he kept tossing and turning, thinking about what Oliver would have said to him, hadn’t he run off. Part of him hoped that Oliver would have done the big ‘Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life’ speech, but in the end he had come to the conclusion that Oliver was probably just going to tell him about his boyfriend.
It doesn’t matter, he figures, because from now on he won’t be going to any more parties, and as long as he stays in his room, he won’t have to see Oliver or his boyfriend again. But just as he has picked up his book, his phone buzzes. He’s expecting to find a text from Marzia or his parents, but it’s from an unknown number, and it isn’t until he opens the message that he sees Oliver’s profile picture pop up.
Hey, this is Oliver. Your roommate gave me your number last night. Want to grab a coffee later?
Before Elio can reply, another message pops up.
It was good to see you again last night. I’ve missed you.
Elio isn’t sure what to make of his messages, because does this mean that he wants to be friends? For a long time that is what Elio had hoped for - that one day they could be friends so at least they would still be in each other’s lives - but after last night’s awkwardness he’s not sure if it’s a good idea. But as much as he suspects he will feel worse after seeing Oliver, he can’t tell him no. So he sends him a quick text, and within seconds, Oliver sends him the name of a coffee shop and a time.
Of course Elio was too early, but he couldn’t stay in his room, driving himself mad, wondering why Oliver would want to see him. Was he going to tell him off for going to college here? Was he going to bring his boyfriend to introduce him? Was he going to stand him up, because in the end he decided that he didn’t give a fuck about Elio after all?
Elio checks his phone again, but just as he opens a game to pass the time, Oliver steps into the coffee shop. He gives a quick wave, before ordering two coffees, and joining Elio at his table.
It’s obvious that neither of them know what to say, but Elio thinks he has every right to keep quiet, as he wasn’t the one who wanted to meet. That was Oliver, yet he is sitting there, awkwardly staring at the table while nervously fumbling with his hands.
For two long years Elio wanted nothing more than for Oliver to call him or text him - for him to ask him to meet so they could talk about what happened, and perhaps even fix things between them. But where his fantasies had happy endings, this is real life, and he can’t let himself get his hopes up. So he needs answers, and he needs them now.
“Why did you text me?” he asks, sounding colder than intended. “Why now?”
“Because…” Oliver seems to hesitate, and when they get their coffees brought to their table, he keeps quiet for a moment, before continuing. “Because seeing you last night made me realize that I fucked up.”
It’s exactly what Elio wanted to hear, but the words don’t bring him any joy. Oliver still dumped him so he could sleep around, and he still has a boyfriend, so the words feel meaningless.
“You didn’t want to be with me, Oliver.” Elio shrugs. “You wanted to fuck around, so…”
“That’s not true,” Oliver quickly says, but from the blush on his face it’s obvious that Elio’s suspicions were right. “I was scared, okay? I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship, but…”
“You were ready to be with me before you left for college,” Elio points out. “You were fine being with me before. So don’t… just stop making excuses. We both know that you wanted your freedom, not because you were scared, but because you didn’t think I was enough. You wanted to be with other people.”
Elio is shocked at how angry and upset he is, because he thought he had dealt with his anger a long time ago. But seeing Oliver again, it has brought back everything. Good and bad.
“I fucked up, Elio.”
“Yeah, well…”
“I love you,” Oliver says, and it’s such a big thing to say, yet he says it so easily that Elio isn’t sure how to react. “... and I know I messed up when I broke up with you.”
“What about your boyfriend?” Elio points out. Because as much as this is what he wanted to hear, he definitely still hasn’t forgotten about the boy he saw Oliver making out with last night.
“That wasn’t my boyfriend,” Oliver admits, staring down at the coffee in his hands. “He was just…” He shrugs.
“A hook-up?” Elio guesses, making Oliver look up at him.
“I thought it was what I wanted,” Oliver admits. “Being free to… you know…” He sighs, obviously embarrassed and feeling awkward as hell to have to talk about this. But he continues anyway. “But I knew I had messed up as soon as I got here. I tried to do what I thought would make me happy, and yeah, I fucked around, okay?” he admits.
“So you regretted your decision two years ago?” Elio asks, but before Oliver can answer, he continues. “Then why didn’t you call me then? Why now? And why were you still…” He can hear how accusatory it sounds, and he knows that he has no right to be this upset with Oliver. They weren’t together, so Oliver owes him no explanation as to why he was still hooking up with someone last night.
“Why was I at the party with David?” Oliver guesses, and Elio gives a nod. “Because they’re distractions.”
Elio almost points out that Oliver didn’t want any distractions - that it’s why they had to break up. But Elio knows full well that he’s not talking about them being a distraction from his work.
It’s what you do, isn’t it?”
“Is it?” Elio asks, making Oliver look away in embarrassment. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“Because I was scared that you hated me. I mean, you have every right to hate me, but when I saw you last night, I wanted to apologize.”
“What do you expect from me, Oliver?”
“Nothing.” Oliver shrugs. “I have no right to expect anything after what I did, do I?”
It would be so easy to tell Oliver that he’s an asshole, and to get up and storm off right now. To let him live with his regret. But if Elio did that, he would have to live with it too. And as much as Oliver hurt him, he can’t deny that he is still in love with him too.
“I missed you too,” he finally says, referring to the text Oliver had sent him that morning. But when a nervous smile forms on Oliver’s lips, he quickly continues, “But how would I know that I wouldn’t be just another distraction? That next week you won’t decide that you want to be with other people, and you’re just going to end things again?”
“I don’t know,” Oliver sighs. “I can promise you that I’ve changed, and that things are not the same as they were. But I don’t know how… I don’t know what I could do to show it to you. Maybe we can be friends, and if we spend time together, you can see for yourself that I’ve changed, but…”
“Friends?” Elio chuckles.
“I don’t know, man.” Oliver smiles embarrassedly. “I’ve been thinking about this moment for two fucking years, but now that I’m sitting here, I have no idea what to say to you.”
Elio blushes at these words, because he figured that once Oliver was off to college, he would no longer have time to think about him. He’d be busy sleeping around, and his high school boyfriend would soon enough be nothing more than a distant memory. So to find out that Oliver has been thinking about him all this time makes him feel giddy, and he can’t help but smile.
He reaches out, and without hesitation Oliver takes his hand. He gently begins to caress the inside of Elio’s palm with his thumb, and for a moment this feels pretty damn close to the happy ending Elio had fantasized.
“There’s this party tonight…,” Oliver begins, and Elio can immediately feel his shoulders grow tense. “I only want to go with you, Elio. I meant what I said, I’ve changed.”
“Since last night?”
Oliver sighs, and he lets go of Elio’s hand. Elio knows that it isn’t fair to use last night against Oliver, though, and that he deserves another chance. They both do.
“I wasn’t happy with any of them,” Oliver admits. “The more I fu… the more people I went out with, the more I realized that I wanted to be with you. But I was a coward, and I was too scared to tell you. But I’ve told you now, so do with it what you want.”
“If we give this another chance,” Elio begins, a little hesitative, “Would you be ready to commit?”
“I’m more than ready, Elio,” Oliver laughs embarrassedly. “I’ve been waiting for this for two years.”
Elio has spent enough time with him, and they have been through enough for him to know that he is telling the truth. So he leans over the table and he kisses him - Oliver putting a hand on the side of his face, and making this kiss feel a little too intimate for it to take place in the middle of a coffee shop. But Elio has missed kissing him too much to let it hold him back.
“I think my roommate is going out tonight.” He smiles, Oliver moving his hand down to his neck, ready to pull him in for another kiss. “So how about we forget about that party, and we head over to mine instead?”