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It happened first with Florida. It always happened first with him. He waltzed in one morning, arms wrapped around both of the Dakota twins. He wasn’t quite tall enough to loop his arms over their shoulders, so he just had his arms around their waists. They were his personal escorts, up until when he sat down at his usual spot at the breakfast table and declared very loudly, “South is the better twin.”
It all started with a conversation between killer twins as they ate their morning cereal.
“I bet I could suck York’s dick better than you.” South had randomly challenged. North paused for but a moment, spoonful of cereal hanging outside his mouth.
“What?” the male Dakota twin asked, forcing the spoon into his mouth. South took a swallow of her morning coffee-very strong, just like her-and said it again.
“I said, I bet I could suck York’s dick better than you.”
“South, where is this coming from?” North asked, completely confused and exposing it.
“Don’t pretend you haven’t been. I know you, I know him, and I know your dumb gay ass has been fawning over him since day one. I just think I’d be better at it.”
“First of all, no. Second of all, no. And third of all, no you wouldn’t.”
“Is that a challenge, North?” South asked, beginning to stare him down. North forced another bite of cereal and a swig of coffee-extra creamy, so South wouldn’t steal it-before he met her eye.
“The last time I challenged you to anything, I lost a good chunk of money and woke up with a few scars-some of which I still have, by the way.”
“Then I guess I am the better twin.” South shrugged nonchalantly. She knew that North couldn’t resist a chance to make himself look like the better twin, and that his ego would kick in any second. North held it in very well, but internally his gears were spinning. He wanted to be-needed to be-the better one. Besides, South was just as gay as he was-she had probably never sucked a dick in her life.
“You’re not the better twin.” North growled, but he had taken too long. South had backup in the form of CT, who was joining them at the table.
“What are you two fighting about now?” CT asked, and before North could say it was nothing, South said it yet again.
“I bet North I could suck York’s dick better than he could, and he’s afraid to challenge me on it because I’m right.” South smirked from across the table, slurping down the rest of her coffee.
“I never said I wouldn’t challenge you on it.” North snapped in his own way. To CT, it looked like he was being perfectly pleasant. To South, it looked like he was going to launch at her and fight this out with fists. South didn’t even blink twice.
“So you’re going to…what, exactly?” Connecticut asked over her coffee-just the teeniest bit sweet, like her. South beamed at her, donning a pair of bedroom eyes.
“I’m going to win.”
“Win what?” asked agent Wyoming, entering in the mess hall and heading straight to make himself coffee-it was tea, just how he liked it. He walked in with a very un-chipper agent Florida, who stole the entire coffee pot and walked with it to the table that was slowly gathering attentions. South explained one more time.
“I bet North I could suck his boyfriend’s dick better than he could, and he’s afraid because he knows I’m right.” South knew her best bet was to rile him up until he initiated the challenge-and he would. She knew he would. She knew her brother.
“He isn’t my boyfriend, and no you couldn’t.” North snapped back. Well, South could tell he was snapping. To the others, he looked amused, apart from this look in his eyes-
“Don’t you remember last time we started challenges?” Florida asked from his pot of pitch-black coffee. After three large and very audible gulps, he set the coffee pot down on the table and stole Wyoming’s tea, taking a large sip before the British man stole his tea back.
“This isn’t going to be like that. It’s just a one-off to prove I’m the better twin.” South said, rolling her eyes at Florida.
“Yes, but York’s going to say North is the better twin regardless.”
“How did you know she was talking about-“ CT started.
“Who else is North Dakota fawning over?” Florida answered with a smirk and a shrug. South grinned at him, and then at her brother, who wrinkled his nose at her.
“All I’m saying is that if you want to know who the better twin is, you have to do more than just one test. Best of three, that sort of thing. I’m more than willing to offer up myself as a candidate!”
“Florida, that won’t be-“ North started, determined to shut it down.
“When and where?” South said loudly to cover up her twin.
“My quarters, tonight, if possible. I know neither of you are working tonight, and neither of you are scheduled to go anywhere. Come separately, no need to rouse suspicion.” Florida answered, grabbing the coffee pot from the table and rising to his feet. “Oh, and may the best twin win.” He added with a smile, setting the pot down on the counter and waltzing out. North glared at South, South stuck her tongue out at him, and Wyoming buried his face in his hands out of the sudden sense of dread.
“South isn’t the better twin.” Wash said after a moment of dead-silence over breakfast the next day. It lacked conviction, like his coffee-so sweet and so creamy, it essentially wasn’t coffee.
“No, South is the better one.” Florida replied back, shaking his head at Wash.
“Better one at what?”
“Better one at oral, for sure.” Florida answered with a laugh. Wash’s non-coffee exited his mouth. Maine’s one-pack-sugar coffee didn’t get past his lips. York’s lukewarm coffee spilt a single drop over his chin as he began to laugh uncontrollably.
“South? Really?” He asked through his laughter. Florida merely nodded. York stopped laughing.
“Wait a second-you’re not starting challenges again, are you?” Carolina asked from across the room, where she was pouring herself coffee-piping hot, like her. Maine shifted in his seat.
“I wasn’t considering starting another one, but now that you’ve brought it up-“
“Florida-“ Wyoming hissed. He didn’t want to deal with this again. He had enough of these goddamn horny Americans, he was not going to listen to them talk about sex at the breakfast table anymore. Maine got up from the table, moving to leave the situation entirely.
“As of right now, South’s the better twin. Don’t believe me? Just try it.” Florida said as nonchalantly as he could. And with an apathetic shrug, the Dakota challenge was born.
Surprisingly enough, it took practically no time at all for the Dakota challenge to catch on. Apparently, the idea of getting double-teamed by twins was extremely appealing, due to the fact that the very next day, the twins were escorting their next contender. What gave everyone pause was who was between their bodies.
“South’s the better twin still.” Carolina said, neither quietly nor loudly. York fought to keep that mental image out of his head-not because he found it disturbing, but because he was angry he hadn’t seen it firsthand.
“Two-love for South! How many are we going out of?” Florida asked, giving the female twin a high five as she sat down.
“Don’t care, so long as the original bet gets filled.” South locked eyes with North, who couldn’t keep his eyes from darting to York reflexively. York didn’t notice, he was too busy trying not to start his day with a massive erection.
“Original bet? There wasn’t a bet involved-“ Wash said, confused.
“The bet’s between us, Wash.” North muttered, hiding his flushed face behind a coffee cup. He couldn’t help his genetics, they made him turn pink rather easily.
“The original bet was who could suck off the team’s shitty-ass loc-“
“Between. Us.” North cut her off with a pointed glance. South acknowledged it, shutting up, but there was no way North could stop her from glancing over to York with a grin.
“How about it, eh York? You like my brother so much, how about a spin with the better twin?” She sounded like she was joking, but North elbowed her hard in the ribs anyway. York blinked a bit faster, and looked over to Carolina. Carolina only smiled and shrugged.
“Trust me, it’s worth it.” She whispered at him, and York sighed in defeat as he realized he was starting his day with a massive boner. Damn that mental image.
Over a cup of crudely made tea, Wyoming considered his life choices. He pondered how he had gotten all the way to this point, and if there was any way at all he could’ve changed the outcomes. Perhaps changed the outcome to something more tolerable, with a group of soldiers who cared about what they had to do more than seeking blind pleasure and risking their lives nearly every day. He could understand why everyone on this ship was practically buzzing with lust-after all, he knew the feeling. It wasn’t uncommon for someone who so often faced death to avoid thinking on it and distracting themself with someone’s flesh. He himself did it all the time, avoiding thoughts of mortality and danger with the distraction of intimacy. He could scarcely imagine coming back from risking his life and not flinging himself into Florida’s arms. Sex was the ultimate in avoiding thinking too hard on things.
However, understanding it and liking it were two completely different things.
Here he was, a trained killer, an excellent sniper, thinking about which of the Dakota twins had actually been better at oral the night previously. Oh, how did he get roped into these things?
He had to admit, they were more…organized than he thought they would be. It wasn’t nearly as awkward as it could have been, considering the fact that they were blood-related twins who now knew what the other one looked like when-ugh, what an appalling thought. Wyoming himself had a brother, a brother whom he would never want to see mid-coitus. The fact the Dakota twins were okay with it was slightly disgusting to him, before he brushed it aside and decided not to think on it too hard.
The real question that needed answering was not the question of why or how, but the question of-
“Wyoming?” Florida’s voice brought him out of his own head, and he realized he’d been staring at a teacup for several minutes now. Those at the table had seen him come in with the Dakotas in tow, but he hadn’t actually answered the question that hung on the back of everyone’s minds.
“Sorry, love, momentarily deep in thought. What did you say?”
“I asked you-“
“About the Dakotas?” Wyoming cut him off, finally drinking the tea. It wasn’t very good, but it was something. Florida had a completely blank expression, but he nodded.
“Right.” Wyoming cleared his throat, aware of the eyes settling on him. These Americans were like vultures, he swore. They always needed distractions like these to keep from realizing that-
“Oh come on, knock it off with the dramatic pause and fucking say it!” leave it to South to be the one to break the carefully placed tension.
“Put me down for North.” He said as he chugged the rest of the tea. The male twin’s eyes widened, the female twin’s narrowed, and the corners of Florida’s mouth flew up into a curved smile all at once. He could’ve sworn he saw York bobbing his head in agreement, but was unsure if he was just seeing what he wanted to see. It was habitual to overanalyze every little movement, and-
“Well, two-one with South still winning! That’s best of three, isn’t it?” North said, a bit too loud for his normal tastes. He shrugged, but it looked awkward and fake. “Oh well, guess I was wrong, sis.”
“Don’t think it’s over just yet.” South practically growled at him-well, to North it was a growl. To the others, it was a scoff and an eye roll.
“You already won, what more do you want?” North asked. He knew putting South on the spot might entice her to surrender this little game of hers, but South was expecting it.
“I already told you, it’s not over until the original bet is decided.” The twins held a stare for a long moment, a conversation happening only between their matching eyes before North sighed heavily.
“Alright, whatever. You should learn to quit while you’re ahead.” North threatened. Only South caught the threat, but she read it loud and clear-North wasn’t going to give her another chance to back out.
South wasn’t the only one not getting chances out. The grand loser of the last round, Washington, decided he wanted to show everyone up and quit being labelled as the one who completely missed the point of the Maine challenge. However, Washington overlooked one important thing-participating in the Dakota challenge meant both of the twins at the same time. While originally, he had been okay with that idea, he had to admit it was awkward. Not awkward around North, awkward around South. Why had he been okay with South being anywhere near his dick exactly? Hell, why had he thought he would be okay with this at all?
“Actually, guys, I-“ Wash started, his awkwardness finally getting the better of him.
“What’s up?” North asked completely nonchalantly, as if the fact he literally had a hand on Wash’s dick was just a normal thing. Goddamn North for being chill through almost anything.
“How exactly is this going down?” he asked, praying his face wasn’t as red as it felt.
“Don’t worry, you don’t have to do anything. Just relax.”
“No, I mean-“
“What’s the matter, you backing out?” South asked, a familiar glint in her eyes. Wash knew it well, it was the look right before she would launch into a huge teasing campaign.
“Do you want out, Wash? It’s okay-“ North started. South was grinning like a Cheshire cat.
“No, no, I’m fine.” Wash said as forcefully as he could manage, looking down at South directly. “Besides, who would pass up on a chance like this? Trust me, this is something I’m going to remember.” South’s expression faltered for but a moment, as she realized also exactly what was happening. Wash felt instantly better about the situation, knowing that he was the one who got to dangle South giving head over her head forever.
“If you’re sure, then.” North said with a laugh, catching the exchange.
“Oh, I’m sure. Hey South, why don’t you go first?” Wash asked, relaxing entirely, putting his hands up behind his head and smirking. She looked about ready to strangle him, and the expression only intensified with Wash’s exaggerated noises of pleasure. North tried his darndest not to laugh as his sister gave her worst frenemy the angriest looking blowjob possible.
“North is the better twin.” Wash said the next morning. The other freelancers literally gawked at him, especially the normally-stoic Maine. Wash was beaming, and South scowling. North wiggled his eyebrows and muttered a “damn right” into his coffee.
“Wow, Wash, I didn’t expect-” Started Carolina.
“Didn’t expect what?” he asked, giving her the most challenging of stares. Carolina didn’t finish her thought. Wash puffed out his chest ever so slightly. Maine had the most jealous of facial expressions.
“So two-two, looks like we are tied up. Who wants to be the tiebreaker?” asked South in a loud voice, drowning out Florida, who had been trying to say the same. “York? CT? How about one of you?”
“I don’t want to get involved, even if it isn’t like the last one.” CT answered, shaking her head and sipping her coffee. Her left hand instinctively rubbed her hip, the memory of pain slipping into her mind. South met eyes with York. York blinked four times before he shrugged.
“Well, I suppose it couldn’t hurt. Unless you wanted someone-”
“Naw, York, you’ll be fine.” South said nonchalantly, getting up from the table and leaving before a rebuttal could be made. North got up and went after her, waiting until they were out in the hall before he snatched his twin sister’s arm.
“South, please, reconsider.” North asked as nicely as he could manage.
“What’s the matter, North? Afraid I’ll show you up?” South hissed.
“I don’t want you near him for the same reasons you don’t want me near CT. Please, sis, can’t we let this go? You’ve already won!” he was begging. How adorable.
“Tell you what, I’m not a heartless dick.”
“So you’ll end this?”
“What? No, bitch I’m here to win. But afterwards, we can do CT-trust me, she wants to, but not in public. How about that, huh? We’ll be even.” South offered while jabbing him in the ribs with her index fingers. She grinned. North frowned.
“South, this seems a bit-” North was uncomfortable with the idea of using people for sex-despite, of course, everyone in the project (including him) using each other for sex.
“North, it’s the best I can do.”
“No, the best you could do is not do this!”
“Let me think about-no.”
“South, please-”
“Better gargle some mouthwash for later tonight.”
“South-”
“See you later, when I win!” South cackled, strutting off. Her brother sighed heavily in defeat.
“Oi, York, you ready?” came South’s haughty question later that night. She had let her brother do all the preparation while she sat in a nearby chair, feet propped up next to York. York was oddly relaxed, at least for North’s tastes. He really wanted to just throw South out of the room and keep her away from York, but at the same time familial pride was at stake. North wished he had a better reason for agreeing to this, other than “south bet me on it”.
“Only if you stop giving me that ridiculous grin. Honestly, South, if I had known you wanted me this badly-” York replied with a cheeky smile. North honestly felt like he was dying inside.
“Oh shut up. North, move.” South spat, pushing her brother out of the way. North couldn’t bear to watch, but he couldn’t do anything about the noises-the delicious slurps, the loud swallow-fuck, he had counted on her choking at least a little bit. She had with Wash!
“North, hey, you okay?” asked York. His voice wasn’t as even and steady as it usually was, which meant South was having at least a small effect on him. Fuck.
“’M fine.” He replied quietly, smiling faintly.
“Hey, come on up here. We can still find a use for that mouth, yeah?” York suggested with a wink. North was happy to move away from his little pity party and up to kissing York. York moved one hand to wrap in North’s hair to kiss him better; the other went to South’s head to give her a helpful little push. Carolina had been right, after all.
Plus, it’s like they say. Good things come in twos.
Like, for instance, the two cups of coffee North brought for him the next morning. Two whole cups, just for him and done the way he liked them-warm, not hot.
“Are you trying to seduce me or something? Because it’s totally working.” He joked, getting North to laugh ever so slightly. South rolled her eyes.
“Well, you seem to be in a good mood, chap.” Wyoming commented.
“Was until you starting talking, Wyoming.”
“Hey now, let’s not start the day off fighting.” Florida stepped in, sliding into Wyoming’s side. He smiled at him fondly, and the British man scoffed before shutting himself up with his breakfast. “Now then, York, what’s the big goofy smile for?”
“You know exactly what it’s for, Florida.” York answered, taking a sip of one coffee cup followed immediately by a sip of the other.
“Do tell!” Florida burst into one of his bone-chilling smiles. It was much too large for his face, and it always sent chills down people’s spines. Primarily, down Wash’s. He couldn’t stand that smile.
“As you all probably guessed, North is the better twin.” York answered. North was practically beaming sunbeams out of his face, he looked so happy to hear it. South didn’t even scowl.
“But my point goes to South.” Both the twins dropped their jaws and gawked at him. Maine finally turned more than his left ear to listen to the conversation. Wyoming set his breakfast down, and Florida tipped his head. Carolina didn’t even flinch.
“And why’s that?” Wyoming asked. The other freelancers waited on baited breath.
“Because she gave her best, and deserves a little appreciation.”
“Okay, what the fuck.” South said, pushing her brother out of the way to get into York’s view. “What the fuck is wrong with you? That is so unlike you.”
“I’m being nice, what’s wrong with that?”
“Says the guy screwing my brother.”
“We aren’t-” North started, but South ignored him.
“South, just accept it. My ultimate screw-you move is letting you win, but not with the satisfaction of being better. Suck on that.” York winked, drinking out of a coffee cup. South sat quietly for a moment, debating with herself.
“I want a rematch.”
“Come again?” said York.
“Bitch I said I want a rematch, you’re sitting right the fuck next to me are you deaf or some shit?” South practically screamed, pounding her fist on the table.
“South, calm down.” North said, rolling his eyes.
“You calm down! I demand this win be won properly, I will not hold myself to a pity vote!”
“Pity vote for what?”
All the freelancers turned. It was a rare occasion that their pilot, 479er, would come in and join them for breakfast. Maine immediately winced, moving closer to Wash until their arms touched.
“Oh, just some stupid thing South came up with-” North started, but South was still in a fury over York’s pity vote, and immediately spilled the beans.
“You remember that weird bet we had going on a while back about Maine, yeah? Well I struck one up with my brother here over who could suck off York better, cuz he’s so gay for him and all.”
“Wait-the bet was about me?” York questioned.
“South, don’t do it.” North warned.
“And York decides he’s going to be hi-fucking-larious and not play by the rules.”
“There are rules?” asked Wash.
“So you…what, exactly? You know what fuck it I don’t care. Unless there’s money involved.” 479er turned to Carolina, who raised her head with a fond smile for the lady pilot. “Hey, ship’ll be ready in just about an hour. Sorry for the delay, that fucking missile did a number on the engine.” 479er started her strut on the way out, pausing a foot or two before the door.
“Is there money involved, South?”
“There can be.”
“If Carolina and I don’t die, I want fifty bucks per head.” She didn’t wait another minute before strutting out entirely, spinning a set of keys around a finger.
“I love that woman.” South sighed to herself.
“Nice knowing you.” Maine said to North, who looked confused as all-out.
“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” asked York with the most confused expression.
“She’s crazy.” Maine answered. It was the most words he had ever said in the morning.
Of course, neither of the Dakotas had much to say the next morning either.
The set of twins were sprawled over the floor of 479er’s Pelican, sore and sweaty as hell.
“That…escalated quickly.” Underestimated South. She had no snark left in her. She had given all her fucks, she had no more within her.
“Yeah. Guess Maine was right.”
“Yeah.”
The two lay in complete silence for a while. Eventually, North looked over at South. Or South looked over at North. Or both looked at the same time.
“Truce?”
“Truce.”
And with that, the Dakota challenge was ended.