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The red letters stare back at him, blaring past the glowing screen and blurring through the never-ending tears that welled in his eyes.

Younghoon (12)

A puddle has started to form on Hyunjae's phone screen, and he promptly wipes it away with the sleeve of his hoodie. Younghoon's hoodie, he realizes a moment after. Hyunjae doesn't even remember how long he's been sitting in this corner just crying his eyes out, it had to have been hours by now. And he doesn't think the tears are ever going to stop. His mind must've stopped working earlier right when his heart had hit the floor and shattered into a million little pieces. Hyunjae doubts he would ever have the time to pick up all those shards of his broken heart, much less haphazardly piece them together. He will just have to learn to live with the cracks and empty spaces there.

Hyunjae muffles a scream, biting so hard down onto his lip, the tell-tale metallic taste of blood seeps into his mouth. The last thing he wants right now is to worry his other members or any poor unsuspecting staff staying after-hours at the company with his wailing. Shit, he knows that his eyes will be puffy tomorrow morning from all of this—there's no way nobody would notice the disheveled state of him. There's no way Younghoon won't see just how broken he left him.

Younghoon. Hyunjae can almost picture him running up and down the halls of the company searching for him, hands in his hair as he rattles every locked door. The pinging of his phone just won't stop and Hyunjae's tempted to look at them but he fears his heart might not be able to take it.

new text message from Hoonie 💗 (34)

Hyunjae's locked the door to this dance practice room and he's really hoping Younghoon doesn't try to break the door down. He's huddled up against the corner of the room, knees pulled up all the way to his chest as he cradles himself. Hyunjae hadn't really thought through what he was doing at the time, just knew he needed to get himself out of the situation as fast as he could. He didn't stop when Younghoon called after him.

The night was a blur of memories at this point

Hyunjae remembers Younghoon calling to tell him that he would be staying late at the studio to wrap up a song he was working on. He hadn't thought anything of it until he was talking with Sangyeon and he told Hyunjae all about how hard Younghoon had been working on his song. The clock had read 9:20 pm at that point, and Hyunjae knew his boyfriend well enough to know he wouldn't have gotten a nutritious meal in yet. He remembers making a simple fried rice meal, with little sausages shaped like octopuses, and an omelette with a ketchup smiley face on it. Hyunjae even remembers checking his hair to make sure he looked pretty for when he went to deliver dinner to his boyfriend. He remembers not bothering to knock on Younghoon's studio door because he usually never did. The last thing he remembers is seeing a girl on his boyfriend's lap, perched on him like she belonged there, and Younghoon's hands on her body. No, actually, the last thing he remembers is Younghoon's horrified face as he turned to see Hyunjae there in the doorway. Everything after was blurry, he might have dropped the lunchbox in shock. His legs had carried him away from the scene in instinct and he was too shocked to speak before he turned away. Hyunjae faintly remembers Younghoon pushing the girl away and trying to run after him.

Next thing he knows, he's weeping on the floor and his phone is ringing and it won't stop.

missed call from Younghoon (1)

missed call from Younghoon (3)

missed call from Younghoon (6)

It won't stop.

Part of him wants to give in. Secretly, he knows if he answers and listens to what Younghoon has to say, part of him knows that he might just forgive him and act like what he saw never happened. Hyunjae always liked to think he was strong and independent, and whenever posed with hypotheticals like the situation at hand, he always answered with self-respecting responses. How does he find himself so weak now? Love weakens Hyunjae.

The sound of his phone's ringtone starting up again startles him, Younghoon is calling him again. And it's almost unbearable at this point—his confliction—so without much thought, Hyunjae shoves his phone away. It slides across the floor and hits the wall. He doesn't even care that its brand new because Younghoon bought it for him and it might make him more content if it just broke. He's yet to admit to himself that he is angry at his boyfriend right now, always had a problem with blaming the other person. Hyunjae knows that he has the right to be enraged at catching Younghoon cheating, but a little voice in his head tells him its his own fault. Was it me?

"i'm so stupid" Hyunjae whispers, to no one, to himself. The floor is so cold but he's kinda gone numb now, his body feeling like its floating somewhere. The only thing he can think to do now is to pull his knees closer to his chest, hugging himself.

Stupid, he refuses to acknowledge that all the love and the sunshine in his relationship with Younghoon was so shallow, so bendable that it could be broken that easily. Hyunjae doesn't want to accept that all those days and nights he spent intertwined in Younghoon's embrace were meaningless, or at least less meaningful than Hyunjae had considered them. To Hyunjae, every moment was sacred. But he guesses, to Younghoon, they were just replaceable. And the crazy thing is, Hyunjae didn't even see it coming, his boyfriend wasn't retreating, or acting different, or pulling away, everything was normal, great, perfect even.

For a moment, Hyunjae gives some thought to what the fate of their group would be, how The Boyz would function with the weight of this hanging between two of their members. Hyunjae doesn't think he would be able to go on if he becomes the reason his members have to give everything up. Then again, Hyunjae doesn't know if he can function being around Younghoon all the time, dancing, singing, taking photos, posing, pretending. Hyunjae shakes his head, because there's just no choice there, he has to cope with his broken heart, mend it over time, coddle it in his delicate hands because his members worked too hard to lose it all over his failed love story.

At the thought, Hyunjae places a hand over his chest, because he swears that his heart really started to hurt. "How could he?" is all Hyunjae can whisper under his breath, shaky and barely audible. But the tears stream once again, and Hyunjae can't help it. Momentarily, he must've forgotten the very real chance that Younghoon was still roaming the halls for him, because he lets it all out. He sobs loud, yelling incoherently as the walls of the dance practice yelled back at him, echoing his wails. Hyunjae's hands are gripping his hair, fisting until his scalp physically hurts.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Hyunjae snaps his head to the loud banging on the door.

"Hyunjae?" comes a loud booming voice from the other side.

He catches his breath, cursing himself out in his head because he really doesn't want to see his boyfriend right now. How could he forget that Younghoon might be able to hear him from outside, he hates himself right now. So, he musters up all the courage he has left, "go away Younghoon" he yells back.

"Hyunjae hyung" the voice calls again, banging once more and rattling the doorknob, "it's Juyeon"

With a sigh of relief, Hyunjae feels his heart calm down. ‘Juyeon. It was just Juyeon.’ Hyunjae sniffles once more before standing up with wobbly legs and making his way to the door. In a way he couldn't explain, Hyunjae was actually relieved that Juyeon came to find him, a wave of calm washing over him as he went to unlock the knob of the door, twisting and opening.

But the moment he takes one look at Juyeon, and the moment he sees Juyeon's face contort into concern, eyebrows furrowed, Hyunjae breaks down. "Hyung" he hears, softly, before he's feeling large hands cupping his face and gentle eyes looking into his own. "What happened?"

And really, Hyunjae must look gross right now, tears streaming down his cheeks, puffy eyes, nose red, but Juyeon doesn't seem to care at all, as he pulls him into a hug when Hyunjae doesn't answer, or rather can't bring himself to answer. Hyunjae just buries his head into Juyeon's neck, crying into his skin and letting himself be propped up against the younger because he doesn't have any strength in him right now. Juyeon just holds him there, in the middle of the doorway, for a good few minutes. He lets Hyunjae cry it all out and he doesn't complain. Juyeon smooths his hands down his back, soothing and comforting and everything Hyunjae needed right now. But soon enough, Juyeon pushes for answers.

"Please tell me what's going on" Juyeon whispers, gently pulling Hyunjae away from him and looking him in the eyes once again, "please"

Hyunjae gulps, considers, before pulling Juyeon into the room and shutting the door again. "okay" he whispers as he goes back to sit down in his corner of the room. Juyeon follows but lingers back a little, taking it all in as he stands and watches Hyunjae shrink. He stops where Hyunjae's phone lies on the floor, bending down and reading as the screen lit up.

"Woah, why aren't you answering Younghoon hyun..." Juyeon trails off as realization seems to dawn on him. His head snaps back to Hyunjae who has his head burrowed between his propped up knees. "....is everything okay between the two of you?" Juyeon tries again.

Hyunjae shake his head silently, and he hears Juyeon sit down in front of him. He can see Juyeon's shadow, hands hesitating before placing them on top of Hyunjae's own. Juyeon waits respectfully for Hyunjae to finish wallowing, waits for him to finally lift his head and speak.

"I caught him cheating on me"

...and the silence that falls between the two boys is deafening. The statement lingers as Hyunjae watches Juyeon's eyes go through so many emotions in a mere few seconds. He really hates to be the one that ruins Younghoon for him, a hyung he respected and looked up to so much, he hates to destroy Juyeon's image of him. Now, Hyunjae gives Juyeon a little time to process, before the other is gulping and opening his mouth again.

"Why would he do that? He loves you so much" Juyeon asks, not really to Hyunjae, asking to make sense of the situation.

Hyunjae really does't have the answer to that question, the same thing he's been trying to figure out for the past hour or so. "I don't know" he whispers, "Juyeon, I don't know" and he's breaking down again, tears hitting the marble floors.

And he tells Juyeon everything, from Younghoon's call, to his packed dinner, to the moment he opened that studio door. Hyunjae sees Juyeon get tenser with every word he speaks and he ignores the fist Juyeon is curling at his side. The other's jaw is locking as he looks down at the floor, just trying to keep up with everything Hyunjae's throwing at him right now. Hyunjae accepts that this must be hard for him too, him and Younghoon are like brothers.

Juyeon doesn't speak when Hyunjae is done either, just blinks blankly at him, a hint of tears welling up in his own eyes. But by the end, Juyeon almost looks angrier than Hyunjae himself is. "Juyeon-" he reaches out for his hand but the other is reaching for Hyunjae's discarded phone and bringing it up to his face.

"Can I?" and Hyunjae knows he's referring to the text messages from Younghoon that he hasn't been brave enough to open himself. He nods, because he would rather just gauge Juyeon's reaction instead of facing it alone.

Hyunjae intently watches Juyeon's face as the screen light illuminates his face in the dim practice room. Juyeon's eyes scan up and down the phone, finger scrolling down the multitude of text messages. His eyebrows furrow, he bites his lip in confusion, his eyes darken, and he's scoffing before closing the phone. ‘Oh no’, Juyeon looks pissed.

"Please don't be too mad at him" Hyunjae blurts out, and he doesn't even know why he said that. His eyes widen at himself and at Juyeon's expression, that is asking him what the hell he's talking about, "i-i just mean i don't want this to create problems between the two of you b-because he probably just made a mista-"

"Stop defending him" Juyeon spits out, and Hyunjae can tell he's holding back his anger, "just please don't make excuses for him- he cheated on you Jaehyun-ah!" Hyunjae winces and he immediately sees Juyeon regretting his tone.

Hyunjae sighs, "No, i know- i just-" he has no idea what to say, because he really didn't expect him to be one protecting Younghoon's reputation right now, "he's not a bad person okay? he deserves a chance to- to-"

ring! ring!

Juyeon and Hyunjae both snap to the ringing phone between them. The caller ID reads Younghoon and he doesn't know why he does this but Hyunjae reaches for the phone before Juyeon can.

"Don't do it" Juyeon whispers, glancing from Hyunjae to the phone, then back to Hyunjae. He shakes his head, "Don't do this to yourself"

Exasperated, Hyunjae, who has been ignoring Younghoon's calls the whole night, argues for no good reason, "Maybe I should at least give him a chance to explain" and he accepts the call, finger pressing the green button before he can hesitate.

A voice from the other side, a disheveled voice, comes through, "Hello? Hyunjae? Thank god you picked up" Hyunjae and Juyeon are both silent, "h-hello? baby please- are you there?"

The pet-name softens him, and Hyunjae is about to speak, "ye-" but Juyeon snatches the phone from him and takes it into his own hand.

"Don't call him again" Juyeon spits into the phone speaker before he ends the call.

Even Juyeon looked surprised at himself as he stares blankly at Hyunjae, who has a hand raised to his mouth. Hyunjae is actually thankful that Juyeon stopped him from giving Younghoon what he wanted, muttering out a small "thank you" before he felt himself being pulled into Juyeon's embrace once again.

And they sit there like that for another hour, on the floor of the dance practice room. It neared midnight until Hyunjae thinks his tears have drained all the water in his body and his eyes start to feel heavy. Juyeon's hand never stopped smoothing down his back, or gently massaging his skin, or carding through his hair until Hyunjae pulled away. He can't really put into words how thankful he is that Juyeon was the one to find him sobbing in the corner of the dance practice room, but he tries. "Thank you" he says again and again, but Juyeon only pushes it off, "of course"

The streets are dark when they exit the company building and walk the few short minutes to their dorm building. Juyeon keeps a hand on Hyunjae's shoulder, just there, making him feel safe and warm, even on this cold night. He squeezes his skin when they reach the door of their dorm, because they both don't know what lies waiting for them behind the walls of their home.

"He's back" Hyunjae mutters, because he spots Younghoon's shoes, looking like they had been thrown off his feet, but there, on the floor in front of the door.

Juyeon sighs before he looks at Hyunjae, a beat later opening the door and stepping in. The hand on Hyunjae's shoulder stays there, unwavering. The two of them walk through and the slight chatter they hear dissipate when they enter, the tell-tale click of the door way too loud. Juyeon and Hyunjae haven't turned the corner to the living room yet, still hidden behind the wall that separates the rooms, and this has to be the slowest time has ever felt for Hyunjae. Because when they finally cross the threshold into the living room, there he is. There they all are, surrounded on the couch, some with red eyes, some staring blankly, but all huddled around Younghoon, whose head snaps to Hyunjae when he walks in. He can feel Juyeon's grip tighten on his shoulder as the two freeze there.

After what feels like an eternity of staring, someone finally breaks, "Jaehyun" Younghoon sighs and he sounds relieved. And in reality Younghoon's voice was probably wasn't that loud at all but it sounded so incredibly heavy in that moment.

The members don't know where to look as Younghoon stands up and walks toward Hyunjae. His hands reach out to grab him but Juyeon jerks him back. Hyunjae just feels so weak, so he gets pulled. "Please" Younghoon pleads and he tries again but this time Hyunjae is the one who steps back.

Juyeon holds him closer to him, and his other arm comes to thud against Younghoon's chest, pushing him away, not with too much force but it got the point across. Sangyeon stands up immediately, wary of what might happen next. All the members are dumbfounded with what to do next and Hyunjae's head is hung down.

"Jaehyun-ah talk to me" Younghoon tries again but Juyeon's hand doesn't move, creating space between them. "Please just let me explain- I can explain everything I swear-"

"No" Hyunjae whispers, and that's all Juyeon needs to grab Hyunjae and push past Younghoon. Juyeon's shoulder thuds against Younghoon's, and he goes to set Hyunjae down onto the couch and leaves Younghoon, standing there.

The members immediately surround Hyunjae instead, some going to hug him and some just staring at him warily from the side, like they were too afraid to touch him, in fear he might break. Eric and Sunwoo cling onto him from either side and they don't let go. Jacob cards through his hair, leaning against his back. Haknyeon and Changmin are frozen on the floor in front of him. Kevin is whispering comforting words to him, and Chanhee looks stunned and so incredibly worried, and he has tears in his eyes. Sangyeon is standing, observing Juyeon and Younghoon, who have their backs to each other.

Younghoon spins around abruptly as he decides to try to reach Hyunjae once again. Juyeon stands in front of Hyunjae and all the other members like a bodyguard, covering them from Younghoon's view, "just- please just let me talk to him" he pleads to Juyeon.

"No" Juyeon crosses his arms, "we can talk instead" he announces before he brushes past him and outside the front door, slamming it loud enough for everyone to wince.

Younghoon looks startled, his round eyes wide as he looks to Sangyeon for help but their leader doesn't seem to have much empathy for him at the moment. "Alright" is all he mutters before he's following Juyeon out the front door.

When the door closes again and Younghoon is out, it finally blows over. Sangyeon steps up to Hyunjae and the members are clearing for their leader to sit next to him. Sunwoo who was originally latched onto that side of Hyunjae doesn't let go, instead opting to back-hug his hyung instead. Sangyeon puts a reassuring hand around his shoulder and Hyunjae can't dam his tears any longer. He lets himself cry on the crook of Sangyeon's neck as the older smooths down his hair. No words are exchanged but Hyunjae knows his sentiments.

Hyunjae wipes away his tears and Eric tucks some hair behind his ear, "D-did Younghoon tell you guys what happened?" to which everyone nodded, reassuring him that nothing was of his own fault. "I'm so sorry...We ruined everything for all of you and- and-"

Sangyeon shushes him, letting him quiet down once again before telling him that "Everything will be alright" and not to worry about anything, "Hyung will take care of everything"

The sound of something clattering loudly outside their dorm has all 9 of them turning their attention to the front door. Realization dawns on all of them at the same time but Hyunjae is the first to get up, rushing outside. The rest of the members follow behind him, clambering and tripping over each other in panic. Hyunjae exits their dorm but sees no one, so he turns the corner into an alleyway. He didn't even bother putting on his shoes, running barefoot in the hopes of catching the situation he hope hasn't turned ugly yet.

Hyunjae turns the corner and is faced with the one thing he was hoping to not see right now. Younghoon is on the ground, leaning against a metal trash can (that must have been the noise) and Juyeon is standing above him, fists clenched at his side. They don't see Hyunjae yet, so Younghoon gets back up and throws a punch at Juyeon. Hyunjae's too stunned to speak right now so he can only gasp as he watches Juyeon hit Younghoon back. It's not until he sees blood dripping down Younghoon's chin that he interferes.

"STOP" he yells, more like sobs, as he falls over and down onto his knees. One of the members, he's not sure who, comes up behind him and tries to get him back up.

The rest of them reach the scene as well, faces horrified as they see Juyeon and Younghoon tackling and grabbing each other. Sangyeon and Jacob sprint forward, grabbing one of the boys each and separating them. By this point, Younghoon and Juyeon have stopped trying to struggle out of their hyungs' holds, seeing Hyunjae sobbing on his knees because of them. And that's the last thing Hyunjae sees or remembers before he's falling and his eyes are closing shut.

He wakes up in his bed, tucked in with a warm blanket and a hot pack on his forehead. Hyunjae sits up, the hot water pack landing in his lap and he finds Kevin, Eric, and Haknyeon sitting on the couch in front of him, all of them looking sleepy and leaning on each other. Hyunjae looks at the clock, 3 am.

"Hyung! You're awake" Eric rushes onto the bed, "a-are you okay? how do you feel? do you need anything?" he looks back at Kevin and Haknyeon, "Hyunjae hyung's awake!" he yells, even though the two already see it.

Hyunjae pushes Eric's hands away gently, finding it in him to chuckle ever so slightly at his younger. "I'm fine, Eric-ie" and only then does he back away from Hyunjae, but instead cuddles into the bed next to him.

It seems the rest of the members must have heard Eric announce that Hyunjae was awake, because there's a startled rustling from behind the door in the living room. Sunwoo is the first one to slam the door open and dive onto the floor beside Hyunjae's bed and hold his hand. Changmin and Chanhee peak behind the door to observe him from afar. And then Hyunjae sees Sangyeon, slightly blocking two tall bodies behind him. Juyeon and Younghoon are standing there, heads peaking past the members into the room. They both have bandaids on their faces, Younghoon has a bag of frozen peas pressed against his cheekbone. He's content that they have at least stopped fighting each other, though the space between them still speaks volumes.

Hyunjae's breath hitches as he sees them walk towards the opening of the room as he gets mentally ready to talk to them. But Sangyeon steps in, turning around and placing a gentle yet firm hand on each of their chests, "Neither of you are allowed to talk to him right now, go to bed" he points to their shared bedroom, "Can I trust you two not to choke each other in your sleep?" he jokes, but he's also half serious. The members all watch as Juyeon and Younghoon retreat into their room, shutting the door behind them. They all wait silently to make sure there's no signs of another fight in there, but nothing comes so they relax.

"Jaehyun, you should get some rest too" Sangyeon pats him on the head, ruffling his curly hair, "everyone should get some sleep now, don't worry, I've cleared our schedule for tomorrow" he smiles, reassuring everyone.

Everyone files out of the room one by one, except for Sunwoo and Eric, who approach him, "Can we stay with you tonight?" Sunwoo asks and Eric nods along, puppy eyes pleading. Hyunjae can never say no to them so he just moves on his bed, patting his sides to gesture them to come join him.

That night, Hyunjae slept huddled between his two youngest dongsaengs. Before they fall asleep, he hears them sniffle and scan their worried eyes over their beloved hyung. Hyunjae closes his eyes and pretends to sleep, because he knows they won't until they see him rest. When Hyunjae hears evened breaths and soft snores, and when he knows Sunwoo and Eric are fast asleep, he slowly opens his eyes. His mind is racing and his thoughts won't let him sleep, and Hyunjae realizes that he's parched.

Ever so gently, he releases each of his limbs from Sunwoo and Eric's hold, making sure not to wake the little angels up as he climbs out of bed. Hyunjae's suspicions are confirmed when he sees Jacob and Sangyeon sleeping on the couch directly outside his bedroom, shaking his head at his worried hyungs. He tiptoes past them and into the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. Hyunjae bites his lip as he subconsciously slows down in front of the door to Juyeon and Younghoon's door. He lingers there, leaning a little closer. Hyunjae presses his ear against the door, ghosting over it as he listens in. He hears that the two aren't asleep yet, talking quietly in the dark night. Hyunjae can only hear soft murmurs so at least that indicated they weren't arguing, but still, he couldn't make out exactly what they were saying. Hyunjae passes by, gulps down a glass of water, and heads back to his bedroom.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out this was going to shake the whole dynamic of their group. And this was abundantly clear by the way everyone was acting at breakfast the next day. It was more like brunch really, none of them able to wake up before 11 from the long night they pulled. To try to cheer everyone up, Chanhee had made strawberry pancakes—Hyunjae's favorite—and gathered everyone to actually sit down and eat together. And all throughout breakfast, members were avoiding Younghoon like the plague, some even purposefully being subtly hostile to him. They placed Hyunjae and Younghoon on complete opposite ends of their dining table as they ate in silence, save for sweet Kevin trying to fill the space with random fishing facts. It's not exactly a mystery why the members would be wary of Younghoon, after all, they all knew he was the one who cheated on their beloved Hyunjae. He was the one who made him cry so much and hurt even more. Younghoon's eyes were sad the whole morning, like he was on the brink of crying at any given moment. Hyunjae had to admit that even now he ached to comfort him, he had been his boyfriend for over a year now after all. He doesn't even know their standing right now, are they still together? it is it a given that they were broken up? are they broken up? Hyunjae hasn't a clue.

Juyeon sat beside him, and at the sight of Hyunjae's face, he holds his hand under the dining table. Hyunjae accepted the warmth, squeezing the other's hand because it was comforting. He wonders what Juyeon and Younghoon talked about the night before, but he can see the redness in both their eyes that tells him they had cried. Younghoon stands up, pancakes barely touched on his plate and walks over to the kitchen sink.

"You're finished?" Chanhee asks him as he places his plate on the counter, with a full three pancakes still stacked.

Younghoon turns around, about to answer Chanhee, but instead he sees Hyunjae and Juyeon's intertwined hands under the table, and he freezes. His eyes are glued there and Hyunjae finally notices so he quickly lets go, out of instinct. "Yea, I'm done" Younghoon is talking about the pancakes but they all knew how to read between the lines.

They all watch Younghoon walk away and retreat into his bedroom and Juyeon's hand is coming up to rest at Hyunjae's back reassuringly. The members' eyes wavered, not quite sure where to look. Hyunjae parts his lips to say something but nothing comes out so he shuts his mouth again. They continue to eat their breakfast, Hyunjae thanks Chanhee, and they all disperse into their little corners of the dorm to try to enjoy the rest of their free day. Hyunjae opts for the couch, in front of the TV, where he had a clear view to the door of Younghoon's room if he decided to come out.

"Hey" Juyeon sinks down beside him, close to him, sitting on the couch.

Hyunjae manages a smile, "Hey" he replies, grabbing the remote and putting the TV on.

The two of them watch an episode of Knowing Brothers, and for a moment, everything seems almost normal. Before Younghoon ever confessed to him, before he accepted, before they started dating, before he caught him with another girl in his arms, and before the big fight. Juyeon and Hyunjae watch the comedy as they laugh like they did before it all. He feels Sangyeon's presence watching them, content. One by one, the members, all but Younghoon, flood into the living room and join them, laughter eventually filling the small room. Juyeon stays stuck by his side, an arm on the backrest behind Hyunjae.

He turns to face him, "Thank you, Juyeon-ie" Hyunjae whispers, so that only Juyeon would hear even with all their members around him.

Juyeon smiles, sweet and innocent, "For what?"

Hyunjae leans his head against Juyeon's shoulder, "For everything" and they're suddenly sharing a moment. A moment of comfort, as Juyeon finally lets his arm fall from the backrest to Hyunjae's shoulder and pulls him closer in a side hug.

"Juyeon" Sangyeon interrupts them, tapping him on his shoulder. He gestures for him to stand up, "I need to talk to you"

Hyunjae looks confused but sits up to let Juyeon go with Sangyeon. The leader leads him away from the rest of the members, talking to him in the hallway but they're too far for Hyunjae to hear what they're saying. Eventually, he says something to Juyeon which makes him go into his bedroom to retrieve Younghoon and bring him out as well. Sangyeon talks to the both of them and the three exit the dorm together. Hyunjae is worried, but he trusts Sangyeon to make the best decision for everyone and turns his attention back to the TV.

Sangyeon, Juyeon, and Younghoon don't return until the afternoon. Everyone is either taking a day nap or playing video games, but Hyunjae is sitting wide-eyed on the couch waiting for them. The door clicks open and close and Hyunjae is craning his neck to search for the trio. They walk into the dorm and separate naturally, Sangyeon is in the kitchen, Younghoon enters Chanhee and Changmin's room, and Juyeon is heading towards him. Before Younghoon went into the room though, he caught Hyunjae's eye and they seemed to immediately sadden.

"Where did you guys go?" Hyunjae asked, naturally making place for Juyeon to sit down beside him.

Juyeon shrugged, looking kind of embarrassed, "the CEO wanted to talk to us"

Hyunjae immediately started to worry, what if they just heard that The Boyz were going to have to disband because of them- "Oh my god, what happened?" his hands grabbed Juyeon's wrists.

"Sangyeon hyung had to tell management about our....fight, obviously, because" he points to the bruises and healing cuts on his face. "They gave us a good lecturing about how this can never happen again, but good news, we have the week off"

"Thank goodness" Hyunjae clutches his heart, falling into a hug as Juyeon catches him, "I would never be able to forgive myself if anything happened because of-"

"Jae can we please talk now?" Younghoon, who Hyunjae hadn't even noticed had approached them interrupted. Hyunjae unraveled from Juyeon's hold and looked up at his boyfriend. Ex? He doesn't know, he looks up at Younghoon.

Juyeon doesn't step between them this time, just leans back and lets them converse. Hyunjae glances to him but he seems to be staring off into nothing, then he looks back up at Younghoon, "Yea, yea, we can talk" he replies quietly and gets up to follow him.

Hyunjae's heart flips when he feels Younghoon take his hand in his own as he leads him into his bedroom. There's still a fondness there that Hyunjae can't get rid of so quickly. He finds a place to sit on Juyeon's bed as Younghoon sits on his own, they stare at each other face to face. Hyunjae is waiting for the other to speak first so he stays silent, swinging his legs off the edge of the bed.

"I fucked up" Younghoon finally speaks, "I fucked up and that's the whole truth. As much as I wish I had an excuse for doing what I did....I don't"

It hurts to hear that because if Hyunjae was being completely honest with himself, he secretly wished it was all a huge misunderstanding.

"And I don't expect you to forgive me, or take me back, or even....tolerate me but" Younghoon looks at him with those same eyes Hyunjae fell in love with, "please know I never stopped loving you"

There's an involuntary gasp that escapes Hyunjae that lingers in the air, louder than it truly was. "Okay" is all he says, voice so quiet that Younghoon barely heard it. Hyunjae nods and he fights to hold back tears, "Can I just ask one thing though?"

Younghoon sniffles, "Of course"

Hyunjae can barely get these next few words out, breath hitching and nose stuffy in the tell-tale signs of an oncoming breakdown, "Who was she?"

And there it is. The question on everyone's mind.

He can hear Younghoon thinking, and the sound of his nails as he fidgets, "She...." Younghoon shifts on the bed, "She's an ex girlfriend from high school, and I guess she got a job as a stylist here" he pauses, "When I saw her, I guess- ....I guess it brought back old memories"

Hyunjae bit down on his lip, he didn't want Younghoon to know his fragility, "So- so you still loved her?" he asked, and he knows the other can hear his voice cracking.

"No, not at all" Younghoon shakes his head, "I love you" and that somehow makes it worse to Hyunjae because Younghoon just admitted that he didn't even love the woman he cheated on him with.

"So" Hyunjae's eyebrows furrowed, "Why did you...?"

"I don't know, I can't explain what made me do that" a gulp, "but I knew the moment I saw your face there that I regretted ever even saying a word to her again"

Hyunjae blinks away tears because he doesn't know what else to do, "What do we do now, Younghoon?"

There's no answer for a good few minutes, because they're both thinking. But Younghoon finally speaks, albeit the hesitancy was apparent in his voice. "I know there might be no chance of this but.....if you would even consider taking me back, I promise on everything that I will make it up to you Jae" his voice is pleading, soft and weak.

He can't lie to himself, he considered forgiving Younghoon and moving on like nothing happened. But he knows he deserves better, so, "I can't do that"

The pin drops. The thread breaks. Younghoon's hope shatters.

"No matter how I look at it.....you hurt me worse than I've ever hurt before" Hyunjae continues, "and as much as I want to forgive and forget, as much as I....still love you" Younghoon's head snaps up at that, "I just can't do it"

Younghoon's head falls down and Hyunjae pretends he doesn't see the tears that stain his grey sweatpants. "I understand" is all Younghoon says before Hyunjae removes himself from the bed and out the room.

As soon as he exits the room, Hyunjae's back slides down the door and he falls onto the floor crying. He's sure Younghoon can hear him from inside and he doesn't doubt that he's crying just as much. Juyeon rushes to him but doesn't say anything, just holds him.

Their free week comes and goes just like that. Younghoon had a talk with the rest of the members and at least now, they don't act hostile to him anymore. Each day goes by and Hyunjae still cries on most nights, but every day gets better than the last. He and Younghoon are able to talk normally, less than they did before, but civilly. Snow starts to fall and Hyunjae presses his face against the glass and for the first time since everything happened, he smiles all by himself, not smiling to ease discomfort, or to not worry his members. He smiles, all alone.

And Juyeon.

Juyeon remains a rock in his life. He's there when Hyunjae needs him, every time Hyunjae needs him. Hyunjae likes to describe Juyeon as his 'guardian angel' because he always seems to be hovering around him, making sure he's happy. The second Juyeon spots a sad glint in Hyunjae's eyes, suddenly there's a bowl of ice cream in front of him, or his Nintendo Switch opened to Mario Kart, or a stupid anime meme. Juyeon makes him feel light in these heavy days and Hyunjae is eternally grateful. Juyeon stays up late at night with him, even when Hyunjae can see the other's eyelids threatening to close at any moment. He stays up with him and listens to Hyunjae talk, and rant, and cry. Part of him feels guilty to come to Juyeon and Younghoon's room late at night just to call for Juyeon, but part of him likes to make Younghoon miss him.

Hyunjae had to admit he's still trying to get over his ex, still trying to heal. Younghoon seems to be doing the same (Hyunjae walked in on Younghoon scrolling through photos of him left on his photo album the other day). It hasn't been easy at all, every little thing reminds him of Younghoon, so many firsts, so many milestones. It inconveniences him, really, because his life was shared with Younghoon's for a whole year. Like how Hyunjae can't drink coffee at The Spot anymore because that's where they went together. Or how he can't watch The Notebook anymore because it was their movie. Or listen to a single Taylor Swift song because they're all way too relatable right now. He shouldn't love him anymore but he can't help it. These things take time, and he can only try his best.

Too soon, their free week is over and its business as usual for The Boyz, their schedule is packed from the delays and they were bound for a few exhausting weeks. On 'Weekly Idol', they act like nothing happened: Sunwoo is being charming as all hell, Kevin is being his usual snarky self, Juyeon dances when he's told to, Younghoon winks at the camera....and Hyunjae, even Hyunjae manages to earn a few hearty laughs from the hosts. The next schedule, they go to MCountdown for promotions, Maverick, and as they sit in the waiting room, Hyunjae catches Younghoon stealing glances at him. Juyeon buys him a grape soda. Sangyeon reminds them that their fan-con is a few days, and they are all excited at the prospects of an offline concert for the first time in a long time. In fact, the last time they had an offline performance was the night Younghoon finally confessed his feelings to him. Hyunjae tries to swat the thought away and instead focuses on dancing and singing.

In the days leading up to the fan-con, Hyunjae's nerves are all over the place. It almost feels like he's debuting again he's so anxious. But before his doubts can eat him up, Juyeon is there with a comforting hand and even more comforting words. "You'll be great, trust me" and Hyunjae does, he trusts Juyeon with anything, he realizes.

The stage is rising up, and he can hear the chants of his fans shouting their name. "You can do this" Hyunjae tells himself, squeezing his fists. Bright lights and excited cheering invade his senses and he's finally on stage. For a moment Hyunjae panics a little, breaths shortening and he can feel a bead of sweat down his back. But he turns and he sees Juyeon, and he can breathe again.

It's inevitable that he crosses paths with Younghoon during the songs. Bloom Bloom, he dances where the choreography has placed him, which is right in front of Younghoon. He manages to shoot him a quick smile, friendly. I'm Your Boy, there's a part where Younghoon always finds him, wherever he is, and wraps his arms around him. Hyunjae doubts he would do it this time but he sees his ex walking towards him as his line approaches. But Younghoon only extends a hand to him, which Hyunjae takes and they dance around each other. And during Spring Snow, Hyunjae turns his head to dedicate a line to Younghoon,

Even if the moment of you and me passes by

Even in those lonely moments

It’s fine now as it’s no longer cold...

Younghoon smiles at him, and he feels a smile creep up on his own face. Their story had passed by them, but they're content because they've melted the ice wall that had formed between them and they can finally see each other clearly. The magic between them was fading, but that was okay because a healing flower of friendship was growing through that frozen ground.

There's one last song in the concert, and they have all danced so hard there's sweat drenching all of them. Offhandedly, Hyunjae wonders if their fans would still love them if they saw them up close like this. He pouts, he feels gross right now and now he's daydreaming about taking a nice long shower-

The soft touch of a towel on his cheek slightly startles and he opens his eyes to see Juyeon so close to him. "Here you go" Juyeon mutters, wiping the sweat off his face and Hyunjae can't help but to lean into the touch. Under the lights, Juyeon's eyes look even more starry, and there's a singular gold confetti on his nose that he doesn't seem to notice. Hyunjae doesn't fix it though, because it looks way too cute.

On the car ride back to the dorm, Younghoon is sitting in the seat in front of him. Hyunjae sees him take something out of his backpack and suddenly he's turning around and handing him an onigiri, "I bought it at the 7/11....it's fried chicken flavored" he says and Hyunjae takes it.

"Thank you" and it's simple gesture but he means it.

Hyunjae's parents are visiting Seoul for the weekend so he's made sure to take a leave from his schedule to make time for that. It's been a few months since the last time he went to Incheon, actually it was with Younghoon, and he missed his parents. He's made sure to tell them that he and Younghoon are broken up now, but he doesn't tell them why. And he's made sure to tell them not to bring it up under any circumstances. Mr. and Mrs. Lee arrive in Seoul at approximately 2:30 pm and they get to Hyunjae's dorm at 3:46 pm. They knock on the door, and Hyunjae is rushing so excitedly to the door, he slides around in his socks against the cheap wooden tiles of their floor. Like a child, Hyunjae jumps into his parents' arms and he's never been more happy to smell that awful hair spray that his mother wears.

The other members politely bow to Hyunjae's parents as Sangyeon hurries to make tea for them. Hyunjae's mother pinches Younghoon's cheek, because he's always had a soft spot for him. But Hyunjae's dad secretly has a favorite member, and that's Juyeon because they converse about sports or real estate or whatever else they talk about that bores Hyunjae to death.

"We should go for dinner soon" Hyunjae places a hand on his mother's shoulder after a quick glance at his watch. His mother gets up but his father is still too busy talking and laughing loudly with Juyeon that Hyunjae doubts he even heard him. Hyunjae rolls his eyes, in fondness, and tells his father again, "Appa we have to go for dinner"

"Oh right right..." and then Mr. Lee's face lights up indicating he's thought of an idea and Hyunjae and his mother share the same thought, oh no. "How about if Juyeon joins us?" Mr. Lee looks up at Hyunjae from where he's sitting, with an arm firmly on Juyeon's shoulder. Juyeon looks bashfully at him, cheeks red, and Hyunjae doesn't think he can say no.

So that's how Juyeon ended up joining in on Hyunjae's family dinner. They're at a fancy restaurant—one of those restaurants that call themselves a Bistro and only serves fries that are cut thick and crinkly. An intrusive thought tells him that he and Juyeon look like a couple right now, with Hyunjae's parents. ‘What the hell am I thinking?’ There's a softness that he knows must be apparent on his face as he watches the way Juyeon tells his parents about a story, or a random fact, or really just anything at all because he had a way of capturing an audience. And when their food comes to the table, Juyeon is cutting Hyunjae's steak for him like it's natural and giving it back to him. Hyunjae doesn't miss the knowing looks his mother gives him all night.

Juyeon and Hyunjae walk his parents all the way back to their hotel and they walk together all the way back to their dorm. "Look" Juyeon points to a pink flower blooming on the sidewalk. Winter was melting, and the flowers are beginning to bloom. Spring is coming. Juyeon smiles at him with that pearly smile and his breath hitches for a moment. There's...something hanging between them and Hyunjae can't really put his finger on it.

Hyunjae lies awake that night trying to figure it out.

"Where's Juyeon, we're gonna be late" an exasperated Changmin puffs out in the living room, swallowing down spoons of cereal. They were due for an early morning schedule and if they don't leave in the next 5 minutes or so, their manager would be blowing their phones up.

Younghoon chimes in, "He was still asleep when I came out"

Sangyeon is grabbing something from the top cabinet hurriedly, "Can someone go check on him?" he requests and everyone is still sleepy themselves so they don't offer.

"I'll go" Hyunjae announces, and heads to Juyeon's room. He knocks, but there's no answer so he just enters.

There's a lump in the shape of Juyeon still on the bed, covered by the blanket. "Juyeonie~" Hyunjae hums but the figure doesn't stir. "Wake up Juyeonieeee~" he tries again and this time there's a groan. Hyunjae smiles, feeling mischievous, and he jumps onto the bed. He grabs the pillow from under Juyeon's head and hits the lump repeatedly.

Juyeon groans in annoyance, "Ahh~ stop that-" and he grabs Hyunjae's wrists and flips their positions so that he's the one pinned down on the bed and Juyeon is above him. Hyunjae blinks, doe eyes wide and looking into sharp ones. Something in Juyeon's eyes shift, glossing over as he stares down at Hyunjae.

It feels weirdly hot all of sudden so Hyunjae wriggles out of his hold, sitting up, but Juyeon is still above him, "W-we need to go soon..."

"...yea, yea I'll be right out" Juyeon finally gets off him, climbing out of bed.

Hyunjae rushes out of the room in light speed, accidentally slamming the door and catching his breath outside. His cheeks feel hot, and he's sure he must look like a tomato right now and he hurriedly tries to cool his face with his hands.

The grass under them is tickling Hyunjae and he's afraid that ants might get on him so he stands up to go into the little garden section instead. "Spring is here~ wahhh~" he exclaims, twirling around in the flower field. The group is out for the filming of another reality show and they have a few hours of rest time. Sangyeon arrives with a big plastic bag and dumps out all the cheap convenience store snacks onto the grass, a little makeshift picnic.

Younghoon, Changmin, and Chanhee are lying on the grass, blowing bubbles into the air with a little children's toy. Eric and Sunwoo are chasing each other around the field. Sangyeon is sitting down with a coke in his hand, catching his breath. Jacob and Kevin are trying to learn how to skateboard from the middle school children that are in the park. Haknyeon is immediately eating the snacks and has made his way through to his second sandwich. Juyeon is....nowhere to be found.

"Hey guys, where's Juyeon......" Hyunjae asks to the group but he turns around and sees Juyeon standing right behind him. He has something hidden behind his back but he's blocking it from Hyunjae's view.

Juyeon raises a hand, "I'm here!" he jokingly reports, laughing at the way Hyunjae rolls his eyes at him, "....this is for you" Juyeon reveals the yellow sunflower he had hidden behind his back and shoves it towards Hyunjae.

"Oh...thanks! .....What's it for?" Hyunjae asks, slightly confused but he can feel his heart thumping in his chest so he takes the flower in his hands.

There's a glint in Juyeon's eyes that tells Hyunjae he's thinking, and then he gives him a lopsided smile, shrugging, "No reason"

Both of their heads turn to the source of some music notes, where Eric has brought out his bluetooth speaker and put on his playlist, aptly dubbed 'cottagecore shit' . There's barely anyone else in the park with them, save for those middle school kids that look like they are sick of Jacob and Kevin. Hyunjae laughs as Kevin falls down on his ass.

There's a tap on his shoulder and he turns to see Juyeon, redder than he's ever seen him. Juyeon is blushing and flushing as he stammers "uhm....do you maybe like uh...wanna dance?" he asks Hyunjae, extending his hand.

"I'm sorry, what?" Hyunjae laughs, thinking Juyeon must be joking. But the younger doesn't retract his hand, oh. "O-oh....yea sure" Hyunjae lets his hand get engulfed by Juyeon’s.

He couldn't help but blush at the way his hand looks so small and delicate, fragile even, in Juyeon's larger hold. Hyunjae tries not to think too much about it but that proves to be difficult when Juyeon suddenly blurts out, "Your hands are really pretty"

And a small "thanks" is all Hyunjae can utter out before Juyeon is pulling him closer by his hand. Hyunjae stumbles over his feet, thudding softly into Juyeon's chest, and as a result, Juyeon steadies him with a hand on his waist. Hyunjae's breath hitches when he looks up at the other, who is staring right back at him.

They dance, right there in the middles of the dandelions and peonies. Hyunjae remembers kicking his shoes off so he can feel the grass under his feet and Juyeon does the same. Juyeon does admittedly almost plant face first onto the ground because he stumbles over his shoe. Hyunjae can only laugh because there is just something so endearing about that bashful face of his and that habit Juyeon has of scratching the back of his neck when he was embarrassed. The hand on his waist is comforting, as Juyeon always is, and Hyunjae doesn't even remember when he decided to claps his hands behind Juyeon's neck. It's natural, their movements, as they glide through the blades of grass and Eric's mediocre, if not a little basic, taste in music plays in the background. The sun is close to setting, hitting that magical moment in the day when the sky turns pink and blue altogether. Hyunjae doesn't know how that works but he does have the thought that Juyeon probably does, because he often finds that the younger had a curious mind that holds such random facts. Hyunjae loves that about him, ‘wait what?’, the fact that Juyeon has so many layers.

Hyunjae feels Younghoon's eyes on him, so he turns to look. Most of his feelings for Younghoon have dissipated, but of course, he did love him dearly so it couldn't possibly all be gone. 40%? Hyunjae thinks he has about 40% of love left for Younghoon. His ex boyfriend sees him dancing and he's smiling, but Hyunjae knows him well enough to see there's a hint of sadness in his sincerity. Hyunjae's hands unravel from Juyeon's neck, okay maybe 45%.

He feels sick. "I feel so sick" Hyunjae whines at Juyeon, whose lap he's currently sleeping on, "check my temperature, I must be burning". When he opens his eyes, Juyeon's face is the first thing he sees and the next is Juyeon's hand coming to feel his forehead.

Juyeon smiles, looks like he wants to laugh, "not even a little bit, you're practically ice cold" he teases. Hyunjae whines and hits his chest, turning his body away to face the TV instead.

"I'm not lying~ I really feel sick" Hyunjae continues, wriggling his body some more just to get the point across that he was upset. He pouts too, for good measure.

A hearty laugh, "okay okay I believe you, I'm sorry" Juyeon nudges him so he's facing him again. "You should get to bed then" he adds, Hyunjae nodding rapidly at the suggestion. When Juyeon gestures for him to get up though, Hyunjae feigns tiredness, he doesn't really know why, pretending to attempt to get up before 'falling' back down. Hyunjae pouts, and then not even a second later, "You need me to carry you?"

Hyunjae pretends to think about the offer, but it doesn't take long for him to answer, "yes please", he makes grabby hands up at Juyeon.

Juyeon's smile is so fond as he reaches down, he scoops Hyunjae up, surprisingly easily so. Hyunjae latches his hands behind the other's neck, and Juyeon carries him with a hand under his back and another one under his knees. It's all too natural, the way he molds into the other's hold, it's not awkward at all like Hyunjae thought it would be. Hyunjae guesses it must just be Juyeon's comforting presence. The younger carries him up from the couch to Hyunjae's bedroom, and he knows Younghoon will see from where he is sitting at the dining table. Weirdly, Hyunjae doesn't feel as self-conscious, as guilty about what he's doing. Granted, they are broken up and everything, but, he would never do something like this with someone else right in front of Younghoon a few weeks ago.

hmmm.....30%?

He doesn't think much more about Younghoon, instead he looks back at Juyeon, who he's surprised is already looking down at him. They've reached Hyunjae's bedroom, and Juyeon pushes the door open with his foot. He sets Hyunjae down gently onto his bed, sitting down next to him. Hyunjae feels like he's being pampered, and he loves it.

"Do you feel better?" Juyeon asks. He looks up at the younger’s face, that endearing smile, and Hyunjae realizes that he does feel better. But he still wants Juyeon’s attention.

“no, feed me”

Hyunjae feels like someone’s following him. There’s this ominous presence behind him, he can feel it somehow, as he’s walking down the small back alley. He curses himself for taking this shortcut, just because he wanted to eat ice cream from the 7/11 a few minutes away. Hyunjae’s been too petrified to actually turn around and look to confirm if there really was, in fact, some stalker following him, but he trusts his gut.

He has no idea what to do.

It’s nearing 8 pm, not too late yet but certainly dark enough. Hyunjae’s hands shoved in his pockets fiddle with his fingers in nervousness, and his breath is starting to get shaky. Yes, he’s dealt with sasaengs before but never alone, never completely vulnerable and out of everyone’s eyes like he is now. Worse, it might not even be a stalker sasaeng, what if it was just a regular old criminal?

Before he can even register what it is he’s doing, Hyunjae’s fishing his phone out of his pocket and clicking on Juyeon’s contact. The phone rings, and he prays the other picks up. Hyunjae curses under his breath with every ring that isn’t interrupted, ‘fuck, please juyeon pick up’. It rings a little too long before it gets cut off by an automated lady voice telling him that the number he has dialed is busy now.

“fuck” Hyunjae, scared, whips his head around as discreetly as he can and he can feel the blood in his veins freeze up when he sees someone there. A man, a little taller than he was, maybe a little older too, dressed in all black with a hoodie pulled over his head. Yea, that’s a suspicious person if Hyunjae has ever seen one. Chills run down his back and the air suddenly seems colder around him. The night sky falls over him and the man behind him like a thick blanket, trapping them. Hyunjae’s hands squeeze around his phone in hopes that it might suddenly start vibrating with someone on the other end helping him.

The thoughts in his head are running a mile a minute, along with his heart. All possibilities flood into his head, and he even considers straight up confronting the guy. Sangyeon’s voice rings in his head though, and he reminds himself that the man could very well have a weapon that could easily overpower him. Hyunjae’s steps get a little faster, the pitter patter of his shoes on concrete audibly pacing faster, but he hears the footsteps behind follow at a similar pace. In a panic, Hyunjae gets even faster and he doesn’t know what his goal is but he sees a corner turn, ‘come on...’ he’s so close to the corner, he’s almost there and-

“woah!”

Hyunjae crashes into someone’s chest. For a second, he considers if the guy had secret magical powers that has allowed him to teleport in front of him, and he’s ready to swing hands. But his hands get blocked by a gentle grip on his wrist and he finally looks up, ready to see a horrible scary stalker face, but it’s-

It’s Juyeon.

“Hyung?”

“Juyeon?”

Hyunjae is still distressed, eyes wide and blown out and his fingers are gripping onto the soft material of Juyeon’s t-shirt, “Hyunjae, are you okay?” Juyeon questions, as the older shakes slightly in his hold.

“Juyeonie there’s someone following me and he’s been behind me for a while now and he looks really scary and I tried to call you but you didn’t p-pick up and i...” Hyunjae rambles on as he watches Juyeon’s jaw tighten at the mention of a stalker.

His hands rub up and down Hyunjae’s arms in a soothing manner as he pulls him in more and looks behind him, “calm down hyung...” his face scrunches in confusion, “but where’s the guy?”

“Huh? What are you talking about? He’s right there...” Hyunjae whips his head around to point out the stalker to get Juyeon to beat him up but he’s pointing to empty air behind him. The guy is not there. He’s gone. “wait....what, where did he go?”

“Are you sure you’re okay hyung?” Juyeon questions, a knit in his eyebrows.

Hyunjae nods, “Juyeon, I swear there was someone right there....” but the younger is looking at him all concerned, “...what? You don’t believe me? I’m telling you-”

“No no, I believe you, of course I do” Juyeon extends him arms behind Hyunjae and pulls him closer against his body, “I must have scared him away or something....I’m just glad you’re okay”

Hyunjae sighs, and he lets himself break. He sniffles into Juyeon’s shirt, beads of tears rolling down his face and imprinting dark spots into the fabric. His arms wrap around Juyeon in an attempt to feel his warmth even closer as cries into his embrace. “I was so scared...” he rubs his head in the crook of his neck, “....why didn’t you pick up?” he whines.

Juyeon sighs, hands patting Hyunjae’s soft, curly locks. “I’m sorry, you must have been frightened. My phone died right when I got your call, and the guys said you went out to get snacks down the street so I figured I would just catch up to you” he explains, “.....but I’m still sorry, I should’ve protected you”, and Hyunjae’s not completely sure but he swears he feels Juyeon press a small kiss on the crown of his head.

As the scent of Juyeon’s earthy cologne seeped from his jacket into Hyunjae’s skin, he couldn’t ignore the way it smelled just like home.

His eyes are glued on a little moon comic that no doubt Kevin has doodled on their whiteboard, the voice of their manager fading into the background. Hyunjae’s had little to no sleep, huddled up with Sunwoo and a cup of instant noodles under a blanket watching a horrifying Japanese film the night before. His eyelids feel so heavy and all he can think about is how easily he could fall into a quick nap right now.

“…..with Hyunjae, Juyeon, and Younghoon” their manager’s voice wakes him.

Hyunjae straightens up, curly hair sticking up all over the place, “what?”

Sangyeon smacks the back of his head gently—a wake up call— “W Korea photoshoot with Bermuda line tomorrow”

“oh” Hyunjae almost dismisses it until he realizes who he’s supposed to pose with. His eyes dart back and forth between Juyeon and Younghoon, who both look equally as alarmed. It’s not like they haven’t had group photoshoots since The Incident but this is the first Bermuda trio one since. It wouldn’t really be such a huge problem if they weren’t all too aware of the direction these photoshoots tend to go, which is the way of fan-service. Photoshoots with the three visuals of The Boyz often skewed to be more…..intimate.

The rest of the group meeting flies by Hyunjae, nervous eyes fully awake now and glancing at his ex-boyfriend from time to time. Their manager continues to assign schedules to the rest of the members for the coming week but the sound of Younghoon’s leg nervously tapping is too distracting for him right now. Before he knows it, his fingers have found his way up and Hyunjae is back to his habit of biting his fingernails.

“stop that” Juyeon’s voice provides from beside him, warm fingers wrapped around his wrist to prevent Hyunjae from damaging his nails any further.

Startled, Hyunjae flushes, “o-oh yea, sorry” he drops his hand. ‘Sorry??? Why the fuck would I say sorry??’ his inner voice scolds.

Juyeon smirks.

The meeting comes to a close, and the boys head back to the dorm for their one free day of the week. Hyunjae takes the chance to get some shut-eye and it was lights out for him as soon as his head hit the cushion of their living room couch, too tired to even make it to his own bedroom.

It feels like he just blinked and then suddenly

RINGGGGG RINGGGGG RINGGGGG

It was morning.

The shrill screech of Haknyeon’s ungodly alarm clock wakes Hyunjae up with a start. He sits up in confusion. ‘Wait….Haknyeon’s alarm?’ he assesses the space he wakes in, hands smoothing against his comforter, ‘When did I get in my bed?’ clearly remembering the state of carelessness he was in the night before when he gave up and stopped at their couch.

He brushes over it, and groggily gets up to finally put an end to that hell-raising alarm that is still ringing in his ear—and Haknyeon’s still dead asleep. Hyunjae finds his balance after his one hell of a sleep, dragging himself to freshen up in their bathroom. When he steps out of their room, a few members are already up and eating breakfast or are on their phones. Hyunjae nods good morning, voice too sleep-filled to talk just yet.

Hyunjae notices some of his members are smiling—suspiciously so—to him while he passed by them. It was sort of weird, but he figures he probably just has a drool spot or something. But then Sunwoo—who looks way too awake for someone who gets an average of 3 hours of sleep a night—straight up laughs in his face.

“What?” He finally protests, Sunwoo just laughs some more, shakes his head, and then reaches out to fluff Hyunjae’s hair. Realization then sets in, ‘no…….’

Hyunjae rushes to the bathroom, using his socks to slide against the wooden floors and stumble in front of the mirror. What he sees confirms his suspicions. Staring back at him is Hyunjae, but it was Hyunjae with the worst curly bed head hair he has had in months. There are wild curls sticking out from all directions, fluffier and more voluminous than he’s seen in it a while. He usually follows a meticulous hair care routine—a very time-sensitive one—that he has unknowingly ignored the night before, which lead now to…..this. Every time he attempts to flatten it down with his palms, it springs right back up, mocking him. He looks something akin to a poodle.

Finally accepting that his curls wouldn’t be going away until some heat tools were utilized, Hyunjae steps out with a permanent pout. He is just going to get a bowl of cereal and retreat to his room before anyone can-

A hand finds its way into his hair, messing it up even more, “morning puppy”

…well, before anyone could do that.

Hyunjae groans, metaphorical smoke shooting out of his ears. He stomps towards the kitchen, stomach grumbling after his epic slumber. He steals some fruit loops from Jacob’s cereal cupboard and pours it into a bowl, filling it with milk as well before plopping down onto a chair. Sunwoo is sitting across from him with a shit-eating grin. Hyunjae flips him off.

His expression softens when Juyeon saunters sleepily into the kitchen, grabbing a protein drink from the fridge and sitting down beside him. His eyes are drooping with sleep, and Hyunjae can’t shake the visual image that Juyeon looks like a sleepy cat, hands—paws—coming up to rub his eyes.

“hyunjae hyung” Juyeon calls, and Hyunjae responds with a shy smile, “your hair” his smile falls.

Hyunjae rolls his eyes, “yeah yeah, I know” his hands come up to toy at a curl, “it’s a complete mess and it looks awful” he huffs. He knows his members are just playing with him, but honestly his hair has always been such a big insecurity of his, and little seemingly harmless comments actually take a toll on his self-esteem. And he really didn’t need to hear that from Juyeon, of all people.

But Juyeon shakes his head, “what? no, I was going to compliment it” he smiles, “it looks really…cute”

Hyunjae’s face turns pink and he malfunctions, “s-shut up” he pushes Juyeon.

“Oh yea, did you sleep well? I brought you into your bed from the couch because I was worried about your back” Juyeon, sweet as ever, asks.

“That was you?” Hyunjae’s eyes widen and blood rushes to his cheeks, “t-thanks”

It’s not long before he’s being rushed to head downstairs—with Juyeon and Younghoon in tow—to their van to make it to the W Korea shoot. The vibe in the van is a little awkward, some small talk was exchanged between the three but Hyunjae being wedged in between the two had set a weird air in the conversation. Thankfully, the studio wasn’t too far away and they were being whisked away briskly into hair and makeup.

“The shoot will be a summer concept, so you three will be in the garden having a day out” the director explains, “and you’ll be selling the youthful energy of young boys, so play some fan-service up between you guys”

Their outfits reflect the concept: Younghoon has on a green floral button up revealing a generous amount of chest and board shorts, Hyunjae is sporting a flimsy baby blue tank top that cut quite short revealing some stomach and white shorts, and Juyeon is wearing a purple Lakers jersey with some basketball shorts.

Some staff place props on a table for them on the side and stylists touch up their hair one last time before shooting officially starts. The director places them with Younghoon and Juyeon on either side of Hyunjae—because of course the powers that be like to make his life as difficult as possible. They’re in quite close proximity and somehow Hyunjae has ended up facing his ex-boyfriend.

Hyunjae audibly gulps when he meets Younghoon’s eyes. Their skin is touching because they’re both wearing shorts and they’re ridiculously close. He can hear the camera clicking away and the director’s voice, but they fade away when Younghoon gets closer and places a hand around his shoulder. He knows he’s just being professional and going along with the photoshoot’s concept but Hyunjae’s heart beats just a smidge faster.

“good, good…” The director hums, “Hyunjae, why don’t you try facing this way now”

It came as bit of a relief when he turns and meets Juyeon’s eyes instead. He can feel Younghoon’s presence warm and pressed up behind him but Juyeon quickly occupies his thoughts. He’s in that damn Lakers jersey with a basketball in one hand and the other one pressed beside him, leaning further into Hyunjae’s personal space. Juyeon smirks with an eyebrow quirked, and Hyunjae flushes pink.

The director is apparently loving it though, as the camera clicks continuously and he praises their chemistry, pushing for more.

Hyunjae thinks ‘fuck it’ and grabs the popsicle from the prop table. He leans back against Younghoon more, pressing their bodies together closer as he faces Juyeon and enjoys his popsicle. Hyunjae makes a show of wrapping his plush lips around the icy treat, the cherry dye staining his lips redder, all while staring straight into Juyeon’s eyes. The air between them changes, and Juyeon’s eyes darken trained on Hyunjae’s lips. He feels a hand snaking around his waist, though he isn’t entirely sure if it was Younghoon or Juyeon’s. Hyunjae feels powerful seeing Juyeon flush and stutter because of him.

The shoot rushes by in a blur and Hyunjae’s heart never stopped fluttering the whole time being trapped between his ex-boyfriend and someone who he’s potentially growing feelings for. The heat of the backyard and the heat of their gazes intensifies everything tenfold and Hyunjae’s feels like he’s being passed around in poses and he somehow ends up on Juyeon’s lap a few times. But now that the photoshoot is over and he’s sitting in his own personal waiting room, it all has felt like a fever dream.

“What the actual fuck just happened?” Hyunjae talks to himself, changing back into his clothes and wiping the makeup off. He shakes his head, trying to rid himself of the creeping dirty thoughts—most featuring Juyeon, and some featuring both Juyeon and Younghoon—and tries to focus on cleaning up.

But it seems like that isn’t in the cards for him anytime soon, because his door creaks open and in comes Younghoon.

“Hey Hyunjae…” he must of noticed his confused expression, so he comes to sit down next to him, “we need to talk”

“…okay?” Hyunjae responds, fingers fidgeting nervously, “about what?” he prompts.

Younghoon sighs, looking up at the ceiling like he’s afraid to look at Hyunjae in the eyes, “you like Juyeon, right?”

Hyunjae blinks. Then, he splutters, “w-what? where is this coming from?” he laughs nervously.

“look, it’s fine okay?” Younghoon looks sincere, “I’ll be fine….if you do like him, that is. I’d be happy for you guys” but he still sounds sad.

“Younghoon, stop. I….I don’t know if I like Juyeon, okay? I-I don’t even know if I’m over you yet-” the other gulps, “-but why are you suddenly bringing this up right now?”

The words struggle to come out of Younghoon’s throat, “It’s just….the way you were looking at him today. You…” Hyunjae waits, “You used to look at me like that before” he scratches the back of his neck nervously, “and Juyeon…he looks at you the same way”

Hyunjae, unsure of what to say and an incurable ball of awkwardness tries to laugh it off, “pffftttt w-what are you talking about, I don’t-”

“Hyunjae, please” Younghoon places a hand on his shoulder, “be honest to yourself, did your heart flutter more when you were facing me….or him?”

Sure, Hyunjae’s heart was beating fast when Younghoon’s breath fanned against his neck during the photoshoot, but it was practically doubling over and skipping beats when Juyeon’s dark eyes burned into his skin. Hyunjae knew the answer to that question but- “I…I don’t know…”

Younghoon sighs, “I need to tell you something…” his tone changes, “Back then, Juyeon and I both….fuck-” he tries to get out his sentence but it takes a couple tries before he can manage to get the words out. “Back then, before you and I started dating….we both liked you.”

Hyunjae blanks, “…..what”

“Juyeon and I both had feelings for you and we knew that we both did. He was planning to confess to you but I…” Younghoon’s eyes finally find Hyunjae’s after avoiding it for the past few mintues, “I begged him to let me confess first, and I promised that if you didn’t reciprocate my feelings, that he could confess too and shoot his shot” he paused, “but then…you did like me back, so he….”

There was silence between the two before Hyunjae spoke up, voice so small it was almost a whisper, “…so he never got to tell me his feelings”

“After we got together, he didn’t feel right telling you so he stayed quiet the whole time and I…I knew he was never really over it and that he was hurting seeing you with me but I-I tried to ignore it because….” his eyes were glistening with tears threatening to spill, “because I wanted you all to myself.” Hyunjae’s breath hitched as Younghoon continued, “but I fucked up- I really fucked up and I understand why Juyeon was so mad at me.”

Hyunjae shakes his head, “This is….too much” he sniffles, not even noticing when the tears started to fall, “w-why are you saying all this to me right now, Younghoon?”

A lump is stuck in Younghoon’s throat, “I know he still likes you, and I think that you’re starting to fall for him too, so-” his breath hitches, “-so I think you should give him a chance. and I really hope he doesn’t screw it up like….like I did”

Hyunjae turns away from Younghoon, eyes trained to the floor and tears staining his jeans dark, “please….I need a moment alone right now…” and only when he heard the squeak of the floor, felt the cushion lighten, and hears the door shut close does he let out a sigh.

‘Juyeon likes me?’ He thinks, emotions on a rollercoaster of feeling happy, betrayed, regretful, nostaligic, and every other emotion he possibly can.

On the drive back, Hyunjae’s eyes are trained on the back of Juyeon’s head the whole time, thinking of everything Younghoon had just dumped on him. Juyeon turns around to meet his eyes and those lovely eyes crinkle into a smile directed at him, and Hyunjae’s heart does a backflip. He thinks back on all those times Juyeon had done much more than what friends usually do for each other, and he keeps thinking about Younghoon’s words.

There’s 20% of his heart that Younghoon still occupies, and maybe…just maybe Juyeon could help him over that remaining space a little quicker.

“Happy Birthday!!!!” Hyunjae gets unceremoniously awakened by two Eric and Sunwoo sized lumps jumping on his bed and knocking the air out of his lungs. The two demons have bombarded his room with posters of his own face plastered all over the walls while he was asleep and he’ll never admit it but it kinda scared the living shit out of him when he first woke up.

The rest of the members slowly file in and wish him a happy birthday, some bearing gifts and some—ahem, Kevin—have forgotten to get a gift and have promised to make it up him later with baked goods. Hyunjae, surrounded by his members is caught off guard with how grateful he is to have them in their lives. But something’s missing.

“Where’s Juyeon?” Hyunjae asks, noticing that he’s the only one who hasn’t wished him yet.

Just in time, the lights flip off and Juyeon enters with a cake in his hands, candles glowing warm orange against his grinning face. Hyunjae’s heart feels just as warm.

“Happy Birthday hyung” Juyeon presents the cake to him, “make a wish!”

Hyunjae leans forward, clasps his hands together, and wishes for the boy in front of him. He blows the candles out and the lights flip back on to reveal Juyeon in a way-too-small-for-him party hat, with another one ready in his hand that he then fixes gently onto Hyunjae’s head. “Thank you” he responds softly, suddenly feeling like a shy middle schooler with a crush for some reason.

“What did you wish for?” Juyeon prods and the rest of the members tune in for his answer.

Hyunjae laughs, playfully hitting Juyeon’s chest, “Silly~ It won’t come true if I tell you!” he exclaims, the big grin that forms on Juyeon’s face making him smile even wider too.

Juyeon playfully pouts, “Aww, you’re no fun” he complains and then his hand swipes some cream from the cake and comes right up to smear cream onto the tip of Hyunjae’s nose. His eyes light up and his warm laugh fills the room.

“Oh my god, Lee Juyeon you’re so dead” Hyunjae responds with a swath of cream of his own and smears a huge blob of it all over Juyeon’s cheek. It was way bigger than he was intending and when he realizes his own doing, his eyes light up and his first instinct is to run.

The dorm soon becomes a wild zoo of the members trying to chase each other with cake on their fingers and it feels just like their trainee days again. Hyunjae takes this chance to escape from Juyeon, who has been right at his tail chasing him around trying to get revenge for his dirtied face.

“please spare me!!” Hyunjae screams as Juyeon closes in on him, heavy arms circling his waist from behind and pulling him back until his back is thudding against Juyeon’s sturdy chest. Hyunjae squeals and tries to pry away from him but Juyeon’s hold is keeping him still in place.

Juyeon leans down and whispers into his ear, “Gotcha” and it sends chills down his back. He suddenly turns Hyunjae around to face him and he’s now aware of how close they are right now. Juyeon grins victoriously at him as he brings his fingers up to his mouth to taste some of the cream, and it should technically be a completely innocent action but to Hyunjae’s mind that has been occupied with Juyeon, Juyeon, and Juyeon for the past few days, it was too much to function.

“….yeah” is all he can say before his hands go to reach to Juyeon’s that are placed around his waist.

Juyeon’s hands unravel from his hold, “oh sorry” he chuckles nervously.

The younger members then take him away for a few rounds of Mario Kart, and they tease him for losing for the first time in his life, but it’s only because he can still feel Juyeon’s searing touch on his body. He shuffles in his seat, eyes glancing to the side where Juyeon is sitting on a bean bag, cozy with a book and those glasses that make him look sinful.

Even when they go out for lunch, all he can think about his how unfairly pink Juyeon’s lips are when they’re munching on a piece of fish-bread, or how adorable he looks when his eyes light up when he eats something particularly delicious. Hyunjae finds that he keeps looking for ways to end up sitting next to Juyeon too, maneuvering his way to his side. Their thighs keep touching when they sit side by side and it doesn’t help when Juyeon places a hand high on his thigh to stop him from nervously bouncing his leg up and down.

And even though he’s not really a regular drinker, Younghoon and Chanhee have convinced him to buy alcohol for everyone so they can have a mini-party at their dorm that night. So they return back with some black plastic bags filled with clinking bottles and Sangyeon reluctantly sets up the karaoke machine per Eric’s relenting requests. Kevin stays true to his promise and makes chocolate chip muffins for everyone—which come out a little deflated given the amount of alcohol he consumed while making them—but were delicious nonetheless.

Everyone takes a turn at the karaoke machine and Hyunjae revels in his members embarrassing themselves with drunken choruses of slurring speech and disorientated dancing. He almost doubles over with laughter when Sunwoo and Sangyeon starts singing trot songs. Hyunjae has opted to stick to his one cup of alcohol, deciding to be one of the caretakers of the night. He looks over to see Juyeon sober too, leaning against the wall nursing a bottle of Sprite instead. And their eyes meet.

Juyeon walks to him, “You having fun?” he asks, shoulder pressed so close against his own.

Hyunjae beams, “mmhmm I am” he giggles at Eric falling over, “so much fun”

“I’m glad” Juyeon ruffles Hyunjae’s hair, and he leans into the touch, “you deserve it…you deserve the world” the last part almost a whisper.

He looks up at Juyeon expecting to see some semblance of a joke but he’s only met with sincere eyes, “really?” he whispers, hooking his chin on Juyeon’s shoulder, smiling.

Juyeon’s breath hitches, and he’s so close that Hyunjae can feel it against his skin, “….yeah. you really do”

None of the other members seem to notice their proximity, all in their own little bubbles, too busy to see the tension between them. Hyunjae is starting to lean in and Juyeon’s eyes fall onto his lips and god, does Hyunjae wants the other to kiss him so bad right now. They’re lips are so close right now and-

“Do you wanna go for a walk?” Juyeon interrupts, standing up and taking Hyunjae’s hand in his.

“huh” Hyunjae is confused, but he follows, “uh, y-yeah sure” he scrambles behind Juyeon as they walk to the entrance. He catches Younghoon’s eyes as they leave the dorm, and even intoxicated, he can see regret in them. 10% is still with Younghoon, and the smallest smidge of guilt invades him, but it’s gone with a tug of Juyeon’s hand.

The air outside is cold, it is a September night to be fair, but Hyunjae had been wearing a thin shirt around the dorm so he’s shaking like a leaf. He’s visibly shaking and he doesn’t even have to ask before Juyeon is taking off his own jacket and placing it onto Hyunjae’s body.

Hyunjae looks up as if to ask a question and Juyeon cooly responds, “You looked cold”

“What about you though?” he worries, Juyeon now in only one layer of clothing, Hyunjae attempts to warm him up by rubbing his hands up and down the other’s arms.

Juyeon shakes his head, smiling, “I’m fine”

“okay” Hyunjae smiles up at Juyeon, reaching up to fix a stray hair and tuck it behind his ear, “why did you want to go on a walk?” he finally asks.

“I….I don’t know really” he sighs, “I just wanted to get away from….everything, and I also- uh I guess I wanted to be alone with you” he chuckles, “I don’t know”

Hyunjae thinks seeing Juyeon all flustered like this is really cute, “Juyeonie~” he calls.

Juyeon looks down, “yes, hyung?”

“I think….” Hyunjae thinks Juyeon looks heavenly even under the harsh street lamps, “I think that I like you.”

…

“what?” Juyeon’s eyes widen, and his hands instinctively wrap around Hyunjae’s waist, “w-what did you just say hyung?”

With a soft chuckle, Hyunjae pinches Juyeon’s reddening cheeks, “Younghoon told me everything. About how you wanted to confess but he did it first. About how you never got to tell me” he watched as Juyeon’s eyes widened more, “and I realized how I’ve slowly been falling for you everyday”

“Hyung….are you being serious?” Juyeon’s hands rubbed up and down his sides, looking for any signs of a joke in the other’s eyes.

Hyunjae nods with a slowly growing smile, “y-yes I am Juyeon-ah~” he leans into his touch, the other’s eyes following his every movement, “so tell me, do you still like me?”

Juyeon sputters, eyes starting to crinkle into that devastating smile that he had grown weak for, “yes!” he laughs incredulously, “yes, yes I like you. I like you so fucking much” his hands wrap around the other, lifting Hyunjae off his feet slightly as he hugs him.

“Juyeon!” he squeaks, arms coming up to the other’s neck to hang onto something, “let go of me” he laughs into Juyeon’s chest.

The other just shakes his head, “nope, I’m never letting you go again” and Hyunjae swears he can hear Juyeon’s heart beat with his head against his chest. “Never again” he whispers again into the top of Hyunjae’s head, buried in his curls.

“I know…Juyeon-ah~ listen to me” Hyunjae pulls away gently, “I like you, I really do, but…” Juyeon’s smile falters a bit “I’m still going to need a little bit of time before I can fully dive into…this” he gestures between the two of them, “I-I’m still healing”

Hyunjae is honestly ready for Juyeon to flip out at him and leave him out in the cold right this moment and that reality is getting realer with every extra moment of silence that Juyeon doesn’t talk.

“Hyung” Juyeon hugs him again, “I don’t care how long you need” he kissed the crown of his head, “I’ll always be waiting for you” another kiss, “I promise”

The tears start to trickle down Hyunjae’s face, he’s never felt more comfortable in someone’s arms. “Juyeon, y-you’re so amazing” he bawls into his shirt, “you’re just so perfect” and he can hear the other chuckling fondly and cooing at him. He continues crying into Juyeon’s soaked shirt until big hands are pulling him away and cupping his face.

“You’re so cute” Juyeon grins, looking down at Hyunjae, with is curly hair and red nose, pouty lips and pink cheeks, drowning in his jacket. And he can’t take it anymore, so he leans in and connects their lips together.

Hyunjae makes a small sound against Juyeon’s lips and lets his hands fall around his neck once again, pulling him closer. The hands around his body are warm and soothing against his cold skin, and its so inviting and he just wants more. Hyunjae whimpers when Juyeon nips down on his bottom lip and he lets him explore his mouth more, leaning into his touch and pressing their bodies together. At some point, Juyeon pushes him against the outside wall of their dorm and Hyunjae’s hands mess up the other’s hair. Before they get too carried away and commit a public indecency outside their dorm, Juyeon forces himself to pull away.

“I want to stay like this forever” he chuckles “but we can’t or we would get hypothermia”

Hyunjae laughs, “you’re such a fucking idiot” his hand gets dragged back in by Juyeon.

And as he stares at Juyeon’s back, he thinks about all the events in his life that has led him up to this point. Younghoon was a big part of his past, and will always be, but now he wants to start looking to his future, to Juyeon. He thinks that last 10% will never go away, that it will always be reserved for his first love. But maybe Juyeon would occupy the rest of it.

“Juyeon” he taps his shoulder, and he looks back at Hyunjae, humming in response.

“yes?”

“Thank you”