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Aradia was used to seeing her daddy rip the walls apart. Every week or so he would stalk through the house, looking through every nook and cranny, knocking on walls, until he found something out of place and smashed it or started pulling wires out of the walls.
It had been going on so long that for a long time she didn’t even realize it was unusual. At least, she assumed that it was normal for mobsters. But when she asked Sollux about it, he told her that his dad never had to do stuff like that. They never had any wiretapping problems.
She wondered for a while if Uncle Slick was wiretapping them, until overhearing her daddy talk about having had to pull taps out of their headquarters. Slick certainly wouldn’t have bugged his own base. So it was a mystery, then.
That is, until one night, when Droog came home looking a little battered and with a determined look on his face. He made a bee-line for his room, and Aradia watched surreptitiously from the door as he tore the room apart, eventually finding one tiny mechanical device wedged between the moulding and wall behind Droog’s bed. He took it between his fingers and glared at it for a moment, before shaking his head and smiling ever so slightly.
“Clever as always, Inspector,” he said quietly, before putting it on his nightstand and crushing it under his alarm clock.
Inspector? Pickle Inspector? That nervous detective Droog kept bringing home with him?
Aradia stomped into the room. “Daddy!”
“Oh, Aradia,” Droog straightened out his suit. “Shouldn’t you be in bed?”
“The person spying on us this whole time has been Mister Inspector?” She asked, ignoring the question.
“Nothing to worry about,” Droog said, taking the smashed wiretap and dropping it in the waste bin. “He does this from time to time.”
“But why?”
“He worries. About my safety, about other people’s safety. It makes him feel better to know what I’m up to.”
“And you let him into our home?” Aradia shouted. “Knowing that he keeps planting these things, you keep bringing him here?!”
Droog shook his head. “Go to bed, Aradia.”
“But Daddy—“
“Bed.” He pointed out of his room. “Now. No arguments.”
Aradia furrowed her brow, considering arguing anyway, before giving up. “Yes, daddy.”
She sat in her bed, hiding under the blankets for a while, before making a decision. She tossed aside her blankets, grabbed the phone and dialed a number. Nepeta answered.
“Yeeeees? Inspector and Leijon household, this is Nepeta.”
“Nepeta, it’s me, Aradia,” Aradia whispered, hoping her father wouldn’t overhear her. “Listen, I need to talk to your daddy tomorrow after school. It’s really important.”
“Leave it to me!” Nepeta said, “You’re in capable paws!”
“Thanks, bye,” and Aradia hung up.
She laid down and stared up at the ceiling, planning in her head what she should say.
Aradia was, indeed, in capable paws. That morning at school Nepeta gave Aradia the low-down. She suspected, from Aradia’s voice, that this was something sneaky, so Nepeta had decided to be sneaky herself and told Inspector that she really, really wanted to hang out with Aradia. Eventually she got Inspector to call Droog and tell him that he’ll be picking Aradia up from school today.
Nepeta was pleased as punch. After all, this was pretty much like roleplaying for her.
After school Inspector did indeed pick them up, and soon they were outside a nearby café, eating cakes and drinking tea. Eventually Aradia cleared her throat and said to Nepeta, “Hey, Nepeta, do you want to maybe go pick out another slice of cake?”
“Oh!” Nepeta said, springing to her feet. “Yes! That sounds like a purrfectly good idea!”
Nepeta scampered into the shop. Inspector watched her warily, then looked to Aradia.
“Um… Y-Your father was hesitant about you seeing me t-today,” he said. “Is… is there a r-reason for that?”
Aradia put her teacup on the table. “Why are you stalking my daddy?”
Pickle Inspector went pale. Well, paler than normal. “I—I—I’m not… I-I mean, I… th-that’s such a harsh w-word to…”
“You’re the one that’s been wiretapping our apartment, right?”
“Ah, w-well, y-y-yes, yes, I have been, it’s just—“
“So stop.”
Pickle Inspector shook his head. “N-no, no, it’s not… I can’t just…”
“You don’t have to be worried about my daddy, he can take care of himself. And what he does to other people isn’t your business,” she said as calmly as she could, trying to mimic her father’s disposition. “Stop spying on him.”
“I… I don’t… I don’t think you understand.”
“So explain it to me.”
Inspector fidgeted, pulling at his sleeves. “Ahh… well. Your… your father, he is a—a very intelligent man. Very intelligent. And s-see, he gets bored. He a-appreciates a challenge to his intellect, b-but the police and his teammates don’t, ah, quite deliver.”
“So you…”
Inspector nodded before she could finish her thought. “I—I try to arrest him, he eludes me. H-he pulls heists, I try to stop him. D-do you understand?”
“This is just, what, a game?” Aradia asked incredulously. “You—you were spying on him! On me!”
“Oh! Oh, no. No. I’ve n-n-never put any s-surveillance in your room. Never. We—We have an agreement.”
Nepeta had walked back at this point, carrying a new cake. She placed it in the middle of the table. “See, see,” she said, “Daddy and Mister Droog are matesprits, but because of Mister Droog’s unique tempurrment, they have to pretend like they’re kismeses sometimes. It’s like roleplaying!”
“Ah, y-yes, s-s-something like th-that,” Inspector said, blushing a bit. “H-here, have some more c-cake. I know your father d-doesn’t let you have many sweets.”
Aradia glared at him, before sighing and accepting the proffered cake. She took a bite. “So. You and daddy are really matesprits?”
“Oh, ah, gosh,” Pickle Inspector wrung his hands, shrugging, while Nepeta nodded furiously. “I—I’d like to think so, I don’t know, has he… has he said anything?”
Aradia shook her head. He sighed. “I didn’t think so.”
“Don’t be silly, daddy!” Nepeta said through a mouth full of cake. “Mister Droog’s got crazy flushed feelings for you! A shipper has a sense for these things.”
“I can’t imagine he’d let you live if he didn’t,” Aradia said, feeling a bit defeated. “Most people can’t even get away with accidentally eavesdropping on him.”
“Th-thank you, girls.” He smiled and refreshed their teacups. “H-how about we do a little shopping after we’re done here? D-does that sound fun?”
Nepeta cheered. Aradia could tell when she was being bribed, but she smiled nonetheless.