Work Text:
Now
“Where’s Chay?” Kim asks, fully aware that he isn’t home. Yet, he needs the confirmation that Porsche and Kinn do not know.
“Asleep in his room,” Porsche shrugs, but looks a bit oddly at him.
“You’re sure?” Kim raises one eyebrow.
“Check if he’s home,” Kinn intervenes, suspicious of his brother’s line of questioning and the look he gives them. Looks like his brother isn’t a total lost case.
Awkwardly the brothers remain standing silently in the living room as Porsche rushes upstairs to find what Kim already knows to be true.
“He’s not here,” Porsche yells frantically from upstairs, then he comes running back down. “Where the fuck is he?” Porsche looks at Kim.
“We need to talk,” Kim tells Kinn and Porsche and nods his chin in direction of the couch, asking them to sit down while he remains standing.
Two weeks earlier
Kim has barely pulled onto the highway, when he already has to pull off again, so he can pull over and put the car in park. He feels like he can’t breathe, his heart is hammering against his chest and his hands are shaking. He tries to tell himself that he isn’t crying and isn’t feeling anything, but the road blurring in front of his eyes is telling another story.
“Have you ever loved me?” Chay’s question is playing on repeat in his head, followed by Chay’s gasp when Kim pulled his hand away. He is glad, he did not turn around to look at the sobbing boy and he wishes he had. Seeing the misery close up maybe would have helped to give him the final push to accept just how dangerous it was for Chay, if he was around.Then again, looking at him and seeing Chay’s misery might have been a bad idea, because Kim isn’t sure he would have been able to walk away.
Chay has a way of getting under his skin and make him feel, like nothing and no one Kim has encountered before. There’s an innocence and pureness in Chay that is so rare and that needs protection at all costs; even if the costs are Kim’s heart and his sanity.
He takes a couple of deep breaths and forces himself to think about the investigation and about what else he needs to do, who he needs to talk to and who else could be a suspect.
The distraction Kim wished for comes in a different form than anticipated, when a day later, he finds out his father is involved in the coverup of Chay’s parents’ accident. Or murder? Kim isn’t sure. He knows his father and doesn’t know him at all. He knows enough to stay away from him as much as he can and he doesn’t know enough to truly judge what his father could want with Porsche and Chay. Why Porsche? Why does he want him around Kinn? Why hire him in the first place? Why let him stay close when Kinn’s love for him is obvious to everyone around? It just makes his brother look weak.
Kim’s investigation quickly hits a dead end, now that Big is dead, sacrificed himself for Porsche. Kim has no one inside the house anymore to use the options of investigation the mafia compound offers. He has no access to surveillance feeds or sealed documents from his own apartment. And showing up at the family home would surely get his father’s attention. After everything he has learned about him, that’s the last thing he wants. With Chay staying there at that house, him showing up would cause so many problems and none of them would help his investigation. Chay is safe there as long as he is seen as harmless and innocent, totally clueless. If his father finds out that Kim has a history with him, if necessary his father will start using Chay not only against Porsche, but also against him. Kim has too many people that haunt him at night, he doesn’t need one more, for whose demise he is responsible, especially not sweet Chay.
Sometimes at night, Kim curses Porsche for joining their world and staying in it because of Kinn. Loving Kinn means associating Chay with their family. Kim gave up Chay to keep him away and now he’s deeper involved than ever before with Porsche being Kinn’s official boyfriend. Kim hates it- And he envies his brother for having the man he loves, when he himself can’t do that.
Two days earlier
Kim manages to stay away from the house and from Chay for more than a week. He hasn’t seen a glimpse of him, has no idea what is going on in his family and hates it. It’s just when he knows that Chay should have the first orientation day at university, that Kim can’t stay away anymore. He’s just going to school right? Like he should do a lot more often, to be honest. It’s ridiculous how many classes he skips for no reason at all. He has some acquaintances at school - he wouldn’t call them friends - and he likes what he chose to study. Music in every shape and form is always interesting to him and if he was someone else, he would attend every lesson and join every group project. But the family business gets in the way. Being kidnapped, beaten up, having killed and nearly being killed one too many times. Sometimes he can barely find the energy to get out of bed. Sometimes he’s not hungry for days. Sometimes all he wants to do is drink and fuck and be violent until the pictures in his head get replaced with new ones or none at all.
Chay was a beautiful way to keep the demons away, but he doesn’t have that anymore. He’d rather face all of it alone and add a couple of horrors more to what keeps him up at night, than have Chay encounter any of it once more.
Still, Kim wants a glimpse of Chay from afar, just to see him live his dreams and study music at university. Kim has no doubts that Chay got in. He aced the first part of the test and the professors will love his performance for the second part.
“How is that kid? Why did he disappear?” His classmate asks and Kim instantly panics. He hopes for a moment that he means someone else.
“Who?”
“That kid that you tutored. You know that he passed the practical exam, but he didn’t come in for an interview exam.
Kim’s brain short-circuits. “Huh?”
“Yeah, he’s the promising one. The teachers were also confused. You didn’t know?”
No, Kim didn’t know and he feels … he doesn’t know what he feels. How could he let this happen? But what actually happened?
Is there trouble at the house again? Did his father intervene? With a family like his, there are a thousand possibilities that could have come between Chay and his dream of studying. Kim can’t do anything to mend Chay’s broken heart, but he can make sure his mafia family doesn’t hold Chay back or put him at risk.
He does not attend a single class that day, because he has things to do. Namely, call Tankhun and after some exchange about his fish and tv shows, he finally weasels some info out of his oldest brother about what is going on. Porsche has moved out and has taken Chay with him. Kim is relieved. Kinn followed them and basically moved in with his boyfriend. Kim is confused. Tankhun thinks, because it's what Porsche thinks, that Chay has got into university and is a student now. Now Kim is worried. Chay lying to Porsche is the worst thing that could have happened and Kim has to find out why that is.
With both Kinn and Porsche living in one house with Chay they must know that the boy is not going to school. They must realise he is lying to them. Chay is not some trained manipulative liar like himself and as close as Porsche and Chay are, surely Porsche would pick up on… then he remembers Tankhun snide comments about Porsche and Kinn and how oblivious they are to the rest of the world, how wrapped up in themselves, how clueless and naive. Tankhun lets it slip that father seems to be up to something, but he doesn’t know exactly what, because with Pete still being gone, he is lacking some serious intel.
Kim promises to send over his newest song demos and hangs up. Now his head hurts from frowning and thinking so much.
Chay is lying and not living his dreams, Porsche and Kinn are oblivious idiots in love and he himself has no more pull in the house to do anything without his father not smelling it from four miles away against the wind.
Kim has no choice. In order to keep Chay safe, he has to act and he has to find out what the boy is up to.
Two hours earlier
It took him a while to find Chay, but finally sleeping in the car in front of their house, he catches him sneaking out of the house and getting in a car with some friends. The house is dark, so Kim suspects neither Kinn nor Porsche are home.
Underneath the lamppost, he can see that Chay has dyed his hair dark blue. It makes him snort, because usually it’s women changing their hair or hair color drastically after a break up. Only Chay didn’t go through a break-up. Or is Kim walking out actually the reason that Chay… Kim stops himself from going down that path any further. Surely, this is some late teenage rebellion against the changes in his life, or something similar. Kim starts the car and follows the teenagers to some club.
It helps, that the club belongs to the family and Kim slips in through the back door and demands access to the camera feeds. The employees know better than to argue with him. He watches Chay make a face at the first sip of his drink and feels relieved. It looks like drinking and clubbing hasn’t become a habit yet. The relief goes up in flames when he sees more people with the group and Kim recognises two familiar faces amongst them. They’re two of their dealers, very small and insignificant ones, but still not people he wants around Chay. His fists clench when he allows the thought of why they are showing up around Chay now to register in his brain. It can’t be a coincidence. His hands go to the small gun concealed at his waist, wondering who the bullets should be for: the scum dealing with drugs near Chay, or the person who most likely send them to be close to Chay. What would Kinn and Tankhun do if he killed their father?
When one of them pulls out the pills, he hurries out of the room and arrives at the group’s table just in time to slap the pill away from Chay’s lips. He gets a punch in, then another before one guy is out cold and the other finally recognises him.
“Don’t!” Kim warns him and his look is enough. For now he lets the guy live, but he might change his mind later. He has other problems though, and pulls Chay away from the group into a quieter corner near the exit.
“Why are you here?” Chay rips his hand away.
“What the heck do you think you’re doing?” Kim yells back and doesn’t only mean the drinking and the drugs. He means everything. The school, the lying, the hair…
“What I’m doing is my business.” Porchay says forcefully, but then his voice breaks and reveals his vulnerability. “Why are you doing this? I’ve never messed with you. Don’t mess with my business!” He demands and the message is loud and clear. Stay away, don’t come near me, leave me alone.
It hurts, even if it is exactly what Kim wanted just a couple of weeks ago, heck, a couple of days ago.
He doesn’t like the way Chay looks at him and he doesn’t like the way he looks. Where is this cut off sleeves, blue hair, thick necklace fashion coming from? Chay looks like some wanna-be thug, who they sometimes give jobs to when someone is in need of a beating and some minor threatening. And somehow he also looks like him, like Wik. This is not the Chay Kim knows, with comic print shirts, floppy hair and a smile so sweet it melted the ice around Kim’s dead heart.
“From now on, what you do is your own darn decision!” He brings the ice in his voice back, he can’t help it. He has never threatened Chay, never had a reason to, but he is too angry with him to react differently. Why did he rip his own heart in two and stay away from him, if the damn idiot chooses to throw away his life anyway? This, this look and this life with drugs and alcohol and crime is what Kim never wanted anywhere near Chay.
He wants Chay to study, go to university, have fun, fall in love and have a normal job and a normal family. Not this. Not him. And he thinks Porsche would agree. Porsche! Kinn!
He knows Chay will hate him even more for this, but he needs to talk to them. He doesn’t care, if Porsche beats him up afterwards for messing wit his brother or if Kinn will shoot him for upsetting his boyfriend. He just wants Chay safe!
By the time he arrives back at the house the lights are turned on. It can’t be Chay, who even if he left the club by now couldn’t not be here. Kim broke many traffic rules on the way and the speed of the car helped him cut the usual travel time in half. So Kinn and Porsche are back home. He parks the car, checks his gun once again just to be sure and then rings the doorbell. It’s Porsche who opens the gate, armed himself, but lowers the gun when he recognises Kim. They haven’t officially met yet, but Kim knows the bodyguards get trained to know the family members.
“Khun Kim, what brings you here so late?” He asks as Kim strides past him and towards the house, where he hopes to be able to talk without anyone listening in.
“Kim?” Kinn walks out of the kitchen, a glass of whisky in hand.
“Where is Chay?”
Now
“He’s not here,” Porsche yells frantically from upstairs, then he comes running back down. “Where the fuck is he?” Porsche looks at Kim.
“We need to talk,” Kim tells Kinn and Porsche and nods his chin in direction of the couch, asking them to sit down while he remains standing.
Kim wonders where he should start, but decides with the beginning, because if he jumps right to the end, Porsche might not want to listen to the rest before he rushes out to get his brother.
“Your brother never took the interview for university. He didn’t get in the faculty, even though all the teachers were excited to have him after his first presentaion.”
“What? No! That’s not… Chay wouldn’t…I drove him there myself.”
“Porchay has been lying to you. I don’t know where he spent his time the last two days, but it wasn’t at university. One of my juniors pointed it out to me, that the most promising new student never showed up. And just now I saw him at the Mirage, trying to get black out drunk. I kept an eye on him from the back room and intervened when Mik offered him some happy pills. Chay got upset with me for intervening and told me to get lost and mind my own business. I just thought you should know.”
Porsche looks at Kim like he hit him over the head with a sledgehammer. He blinks disbelievingly and Kim sees the moment the words register, because such horror shows on Porsche’s face that it would be comical in another situation.
Then he groans and hides his face in Kinn’s shoulder for a second. “I didn’t think this day could get any more fucked up,” Kinn sighs as he wraps one arm around Porsche and then drops a kiss on his hair, which makes him lift his head.
“Chay is lying to me. Why is he lying to me?” Porsche asks Kinn. “What am I going to do?” Kinn just keeps rubbing circles on his arm, but doesn’t reply.
“I’m gonna go,” Kim feels the need to excuse himself, because seeing his brother being so intimate and soft with anyone is not something he can take at the moment.
“Thank you, Khun Kim,” Porsche mutters, eyes now fixed on the floor.
“Wait!” Kinn stops him when he has nearly reached the door. So close. Kim freezes, because he knows better than to disobey a direct order from his brother spoken in this tone of voice. He hears steps behind him, then a heavy hand lands on his shoulder, turns him around and leads him to a chair, he is then pushed onto not so gently.
“Why?” Kinn asks simply. His eyes are hard, his hands in the pockets of his trousers.
“What are you asking? I think you need to be more specific, big brother.” Kim provokes him on purpose. Something inside of him is still itching for a fight, even if it is with his own brother.
“Why Porchay? How do you even know him?” Kinn spells it out for him and that’s when Porsche also looks up, his attention on Kim.
“You moved him into our home and people at the faculty were talking about him. I caught the chatter.”
“Kim stop the bullshit. We both know you are never even at university.”Kinn’s patience seems to run out quickly.
“I wondered why father wanted Porsche so desperately as a bodyguard for you, even if he wasn’t qualified for shit. I ran into Chay by chance at first, because he apparently is one of my super-fans and decided to use his little crush on me to find out more, while tutoring him in guitar and singing. Turns out little Chay didn’t know anything about Porsche being a threat to any of us,” Kim tells the truth, or most of it, as dispassionately and as unbothered as he can.
His head flies to the right when a fist connects with his jaw. Kim licks his lips and can taste the coppery taste of blood on his tongue. He looks at Porsche who is stopped by Kinn from throwing another punch. Kim knows he deserves it, but also thinks about fighting back for a second. Maybe throw the chair he is sitting on? Instead he just calmly wipes the side of his mouth and feels the sting. It will bruise and icing it soon might be a good idea.
“You used my brother!” Porsche still isn’t done. He is struggling against Kinn’s hold, looks like he wants to murder him. Kim feels the blood trip from his nose down to his chin and then onto the floor. Ok, his nose might be the bigger problem in the long run, if Porsche managed to break it with this one punch. It was perfectly aimed, splitting his lip, bruising his jaw and also damaging his nose. Maybe he’s not as incapable as Kim thought.
The decision whether to fight back or not is taken out of Kim’s hands, when the door opens and Porchay stumbles in. At first he looks surprised by seeing the three men, then he rushes forward to Kim and cups his face with one hand that quickly gets stained with blood.
“What are you doing?” Chay yells at Porsche. His hand is still on Kim’s face and his touch hurts, but Kim still welcomes it. His heart starts beating faster and he can’t help but lean a bit into the touch.
“Where the hell have you been?” Porsche yells back at his brother and Chay’s hand falls away from Kim’s face.
“Out. Clubbing,” Porchay tells his brother.
“And since when have you been lying to me? Why didn’t you take your university interview? You are not enrolled!” Porsche continues.
Chay whirls back round to face Kim. “You know and you told him?” The betrayal is audible in his voice.
“You told me to fuck off and I had to know you would be safe!”
“It’s none of your business. You don’t care about me at all. You said you only tutored me because of my brother. You never loved me! So what do you want from me? You fooled me and played with my feelings. Just leave me alone,” Chay keeps yelling, but it’s less hatred and more pain now than at the club. Kim preferred the hate, because it hurt less than seeing what Chay took away from what he said.
“I’m with the mafia, Chay. You should not be anywhere near me or any of us. They took you for that reason.”
“You got me out!”
“Yeah, I did but I might not be able to the next time. You belong in school and with your friends, even though you should not be drinking and taking offered pills from some asshole.”
“I didn’t take them!” They are full on screaming now and Kim can’t even feel his nose anymore.
“You had opened your mouth! You would have.”
“What is it to you?”
“I didn’t say no, Chay!” Kim hopes Chay knows what he is talking about, because he does not want to repeat the words in front of the audience they have. “I was sorry I had to walk away, and I still am, but I did not say no.” Kim lets the emotions slip into his voice, he can’t help it. Chay looks at him with tears in his eyes, Kim’s blood still all over his hand.
“Here,” Kinn interrupts their intense eye contact by handing Kim a towel with ice. Kim hadn’t even noticed his brother leaving the room.
“Chay! What is going on? Where were you?” Porsche asks once again, his tone gentler.
“Why do you want to know now? You never ask me anything. You’re never here. I’m always alone! You come and you go, you move out, you get me kidnapped then move me to a mafia house and leave me there on my own all day, just to move back here and bring your boyfriend without asking. I lived alone for months and you didn’t know what I was doing at night or who I was with and now I have to tell you? Why is it always you making the decisions without even asking em what I want?” Chay’s anger is back, this time directed at Porsche.
“None of this has anything to do with you lying to me and not going to university. It was your dream, Chay!”
“No, me going to university was your dream, hia. You never asked me about mine. Just leave me alone, all of you!” Chay screams the last part and then runs upstairs, sobbing.
For a moment no one speaks and they all just listen to the crying that is coming from upstairs.
“You should leave. We’ll talk about this tomorrow,” Kinn decides as he looks at Kim.
“Ok,” Kim nods, because he’s really had enough for one night. But… “Just one more thing…” he wipes the towel over his face and hopes he manages to blindly wipe the blood away. “While I was investigating you, I found out that our father covered up the death of your parents. It was not a normal car crash they died in and I don’t know what exactly our father is planing. You should keep an eye on Chay. I don’t trust our father. I don’t think either of you are safe.” Kim slowly gets up. Suddenly everything hurts, not only his face.
“Wait! What do you know?” Porsche is the one to stop him this time.
“Porsche’s uncle gave us this picture earlier. Father tried to feed us some false story and nearly made us kill an innocent man, because he said a friend of his accidentally killed them by causing the car crash. He said he didn’t know about Porsche and Chay and covered it up.”
Kim snorts, unamused. “Since when does our father care about kids being harmed or orphaned? He never cared about us.” He takes the picture from Kinn and looks at it. Chay is just baby in it, but even now he’s still as cute. Involuntarily he smiles about his chubby cheeks, but the smile freezes on his face when he sees his father standing next to the family in the picture.
“What else have you got?” Kinn asks him and gently wipes some remaining blood off his face. He can't remember the last time his brother has touched him.
“Not much more. Big was trying to find out more, but since he’s dead…”
“We need more.”
“We have to talk to Khun. Also, to warn him. If we both investigate our father, he will use threatening Khun to keep us in line.”
Kinn looks like he wants to protest, but then he closes his mouth again and nods.
“I’ll try and talk to Chay in the meantime,” Porsche sighs.
“He needs you,” Kim tells him.
“What… how far did it go between you two? I need to know.”
“Nothing happened. I tried to keep him at arms length and cut off contact, when I knew he didn’t have any intel. But your brother is very persistent. I couldn’t always stay away,” Kim admits, because the situation over all calls for the truth. He is so sick of all the lies.
“You like him.” Kinn, who has recently re-discovered his softer side, points out. Kim glares at him.
“You should tell him.” Porsche surprises Kim. First he hits him in the face and now this.
“I’m not good for him.”
“True. But you like each other and you can make him go back to school,” Porsche shrugs. Looks like he isn’t as innocent and naive as Kim always thought.
“Why don’t you let Porchay make his own decisions for once? Stop plotting behind his back.” Kinn intervenes.
“He didn’t show up for his interview for his music studies!” Kim tells his brother.
“Maybe he needs some time to decide what he wants. You did too!”
“He lied, went clubbing and drinking,” Porsche takes over. “Nearly took drugs.”
“Which you have never done?” Kinn raises both eyebrows.
“Fuck you,” Porsche replies, but has a small smile on his face.
“P’Kinn is right,” Chay is suddenly coming around the corner of the stairs and apparently listened to their talk. “I want to know what is going on. And stop treating me like a kid. I’m 17 and I will make my own decisions.” Kim thinks he looks adorable with his hair all over the place, pout on his face and arms crossed in front of his chest. How will Kim ever be able to resist him now, that he basically has his brother’s blessing?
“Porchay…” Porsche starts protesting.
“Ok,” Kim agrees at the same time. Chay gives him a small smile and uncrosses his arms, even though his eyes are still hard. Kim flinches, because his lip hurts when he smiles.
“Will you get Khun or shall I?” Kinn asks him and interrupts their little moment.
“I can’t go there looking like this. Father would know I’m there, before I turn off the engine.”
Kinn nods.”I could go and pretend to get more clothes and stuff.”
“Khun won’t leave with you. You were there the last two times he got kidnapped,” Kim points out.
“I’ll go,” Porsche offers. Kinn doesn’t seem to like it, but has to agree that it’s the best idea. “I’ll text Arm that I’ll be stopping by to see him when his shift ends in fifteen minutes. That should be a good enough cover.”
“Be careful.” Kinn kisses Porsche softly.
“I will be,” Porsche vows. “Chay, maybe you could give Khun Kim another shirt. The ones in the wardrobe are fresh. It’s better if Khun Noo doesn’t see the blood. Kim can explain to you what you didn’t eavesdrop on.”
Chay doesn’t ask questions when Kim and Kinn explain what they know about the car accident that killed their parents. He stoically listens to it all and nods. He’s also still a bit drunk. And yet, by the time Tankhun arrives with Arm and Pol and they start out debating the car accident and also where the heck Pete disappeared to, Kim is wearing a white shirt with some Disney character on it, that smells like Chay and the boy is asleep in his chair, leaning against Kim’s shoulder. They will tell him the important things when he’s up and sober, so the fifth brother involved can also speak his mind and start building the trust between all of them.