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Jo rang up the sale for two bottles of tequila and slipped the cash from her own pocket into the register. She glanced around to make sure Ellen wasn’t looking her way, tucked the bottles under her arm and filched two glasses before moving quietly out of the saloon.
There was music coming from inside Ash’s room so she rapped loudly on the door and tried the handle. The door opened to her touch and the music cut off as she walked in. Ash was reclining on his bed, hands clasped behind his head. He was dressed – finally – in black denim pants, a sleeveless t-shirt and a thick vest over that. The clothing concealed all of his injuries very well.
As Jo entered, he turned his head and smiled lazily. “If you brought liquor, come and join me, babe.”
“Don’t call me that,” Jo snapped: an automatic reaction. She sat on the floor next to the bed and poured two generous measures of tequila and offered one glass to Ash.
Ash knocked it back before Jo had even sipped hers. She poured him another, aware he was using the alcohol as a painkiller.
“Maybe next time,” she suggested tentatively, “you should take some backup. You know I could – ”
“I’ve got a sweet deal here,” Ash interrupted her. “I take you along on a hunt, I’ll be lucky if your mom – ”
“Oh, alright!” Jo snapped. Ash was right, but why was every man in her life so scared of Ellen? Didn’t any of them have any balls? “But seriously, Ash, you really got hurt out there.”
“So I’ll have some new scars.” He shrugged and finished his second tequila.
Jo, not wanting to be outdone, swallowed the rest of hers. She wasn’t accustomed to strong liquor and it had a hell of a kick, but it tasted okay. She refilled both of their glasses.
Three tequilas later, Jo found herself on the bed beside Ash, resting her head on his uninjured shoulder. He was idly playing with her hair. In his other hand, he held the second tequila bottle, now about three quarters full.
“Why do you still live here?” Jo asked. It wasn’t exactly the question on her mind.
“Why wouldn’t I?” Ash returned.
“Well...” Jo floundered a little, then screwed up her courage and said what was really on her mind. “You’re a genius with computers. You’ve got a great body when it’s not slashed to pieces. And you know how to fit in with...with city folk. Not like me. You could be making a fortune in silicon valley or something. Dating supermodels.”
Ash laughed, a real, loud laugh. “Hell, Jo, I don’t care about any of that. No more than you do.”
“I care.”
“No, you think you should care. If you wanted a boring job and a boyfriend, you’d still be in college. You know it, girl.”
Jo shrugged. He was right, but she’d been asking about him. Not her own choices.
Ash added, “Instead, you’re here. Stitching me together when I screw up, hustling hunters and making doe eyes at Dean Winchester.”
That stung. Jo sat up. “I never – ” she began hotly.
“Don’t get your panties in a knot. I get it. He’s like a movie star in a hunter costume.” He reached up to touch her cheek. “And you ain’t as subtle as you think.”
Jo felt herself flush with embarrassment. “That’s not fair,” she protested.
Ash ignored her words. “Listen, he’s a good guy. If all you want is a tumble, he’s the kind of guy who’ll show you a good time.”
“He doesn’t want me,” Jo pointed out glumly. She thought she’d moved on, but Dean’s rejection still stung. All the more because he never had the guts to say it. He just promised to call and then didn’t. She’d known he wouldn’t call, but she still spent a month jumping every time her phone rang.
Ash touching her cheek was distracting. His fingers were rough and callused but his touch was gentle.
Ash sighed. “Yeah, he does. He’s a decent man is all.”
Jo snorted. “Like Hell he is!”
“Do you want to fuck him?”
The blunt language coming from Ash was a little shocking. He so rarely used the F word. Jo couldn’t answer the question.
Ash’s fingers drifted along her jaw. “Little Jo. You talk a good game, but you don’t understand men.”
“So enlighten me,” she challenged.
Ash took another swig from the bottle. “If you want a roll in the hay with Dean, just be straight with him. He ain’t gonna kick you out of bed. He avoids you because he thinks you want more than that. He doesn’t have that in him. From what I hear, he’ll show you a good time, but that’s all. Enough, maybe?”
Jo grabbed the bottle from him and moved away from his touch. “From what you hear?” she repeated.
Ash grinned. “There’s nothing I can’t find out, Jo.” He shrugged, as if it didn’t matter.
She knew he was good at finding information. “But why would you care about that? Planning to seduce him yourself?”
Ash’s jaw dropped and for an instant Jo thought she’d hit the target. Then he shook his head. “I look out for you. A lot of hunters are...you know?”
Jo wasn’t sure she did know, but she nodded. “Well. Thanks. I guess. But you can drop it. I don’t want a pity fuck from anyone.”
Something flashed across his face before he hid it. Something Jo wasn’t sure she’d read right, but she thought she’d said the wrong thing.
Ash nodded. “Good,” he said, satisfied. “You can do better than him.” There was an edge to the statement that made Jo wonder what he was really trying to say. Did Ash not like Dean? She remembered his fingertips on her cheek, a gentle caress. Maybe it was just Ash being weird. Genius he might be, but he had the social skills of a five year old. Ash knew how he was supposed to behave; he just didn’t see why he should bother.
But why would Ash care if she got her heart broken? Why did it bother him that she was attracted to Dean? If it wasn’t jealousy... Or was it?
Jo met Ash’s eyes, drawing courage from the tequila to ask him, because now the thought was in her head she couldn’t not ask. “Ash, are you saying that...you...and me?”
The flush in his cheeks answered her question before he spoke. “I said you can do better. I know where I stand.”
“But...you want...us?” It was a weird thought. Jo had known Ash for a long time. Long enough that he was family to her, not lover material. But she saw herself again, leaning over his nude body, stitching his flesh back together. She remembered how flat his stomach was, the six-pack of his abs visible even as he lay back. She remembered the scent of his skin, fresh from the shower and the heat of his body so close to hers. She felt heat rising into her cheeks. Maybe it wasn’t that weird.
But he hadn’t answered her question. Jo looked into his blue eyes and found he wouldn’t, quite, meet her gaze.
“Ash?” she prompted.
“Yeah,” he grunted. It could have been an answer or just an acknowledgement. Jo couldn’t tell.
Jo took a drink and set the empty bottle down beside the bed. She leaned over Ash. Her long hair fell in a curtain around his face and she pressed her lips to his. Ash’s mouth was warm and soft and even though she didn’t part her lips or use her tongue, Jo could taste the tequila on his breath. She drew back a little, not sure how she felt. The kiss wasn’t setting her on fire, anyway.
Ash opened his eyes and looked up at her. He seemed relaxed, half-smiling, his pupils dilated.
Jo closed her eyes and kissed him again. Ash parted his lips under hers. She felt his arms pull her close, his tongue probing between her lips. A little uncertain, she relaxed against him and allowed him to open her mouth. It was nice...Ash could kiss. But it wasn’t what she imagined a kiss should be. Maybe it just wasn’t there with Ash.
Then his fingers brushed the back of her neck. His hand cupped her head and he kissed her more forcefully. His tongue thrust into her as his other hand slid down her side. His fingers brushed her breast. Jo’s body heated and she felt her breath hitch at the touch. She shifted against him, snuggling closer.
Ash yelped and pushed her away. She felt a moment of confusion then realised she must have touched his wound, hurt him. She moved back so she wouldn’t accidentally touch him again.
Ash closed his eyes, lying back against the pillow. “Oh, Kitten. No, no.”
“I’m sorry. I forgot.”
“No,” Ash said again. He pushed himself upward, propping himself up on one elbow. “I’m not him, Jo.”
“I don’t want you to be!” she protested.
“I mean, we’re not doing this.”
Although she hadn’t planned to initiate anything between them, and even now she wasn’t certain that she wanted him, his rejection still hurt her. Jo felt the sting of tears behind her eyes. Furious with herself, and him, she rounded on him. “You’re a fucking coward, Ash. Screw you!” She scrambled off the bed.
“Jo!”
Jo ignored him and took a step toward the door. Her foot struck the empty tequila bottle and she crashed to the floor, the alcoholic haze in her head slowed her reactions enough that she couldn’t save herself.
“Jo!” Ash was at her side at once.
Jo felt his hands on her as he tried to help her up, but he was clumsy, as drunk as she was. She rolled over onto her back. “I’m okay.”
Ash sat beside her. “You can call me a coward if you want to,” he admitted, “but I’m not gonna start something when we both know you’re leaving.”
She stared at him. “I’m not...”
“You’re gonna take off again. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon enough. You know you will.”
Jo understood then, what he meant. She would leave, next time she got a lead on a hunt she thought she could handle. And whatever else Ash might be for her, he would not be her hunting partner, because Ellen would never stand for it.
She had to choose. She could have him, or she could have the hunt. She couldn’t have both, and Ash knew she wouldn’t choose him.
It must have shown on her face, because Ash leaned forward and kissed her on her forehead. “Don’t sweat it, Jo. I ain’t going anywhere.”
Jo suddenly felt like a real shit. As if she’d made a promise and broken it, though she hadn’t. Like she’d let him down...or failed a test. She got her hands under her and scrambled awkwardly to her feet. “I...I’m gonna go,” she told him. She meant it as an apology.
Ash, still sitting on the floor, shrugged. “Sure.”
Jo stumbled out of the room, closed the door behind her and leaned back against the wall outside. She heard the click as Ash locked his door.
I know where I stand.
You’re gonna take off again.
I ain’t going anywhere.
Somehow, that seemed all wrong. It must be the tequila talking.