Work Text:
To say Bucky was stressed would be an understatement. While Steve was busy on a mission he was being watched by Tony Stark. He knew the strained relationship between him and Tony due to his actions, but it never really affected him because Steve was always with him.
Steve had explained to him that whatever he had done while he was with HYDRA was wrong, but it was forgiven due to the abuse that he had experienced. Although he knew that emotions were a strong thing, he could not be sure what Tony’s reaction would be once they were alone.
Tony was working on something small and metal that was making quiet zapping noises. Bucky was careful to leave at least 6 feet of room between Tony and himself. He hoped that he would not hurt him, and he trusted that Steve would not leave him somewhere he would be harmed. Steve was good. That didn’t stop him from cowering into a more small and defensive position.
Bucky had stood quietly while Steve had explained to Tony that he needed to be careful with Bucky. Simple things like word choice and body language had a possibility to trigger all of the rules and conditioning that had been ingrained in his head through torture. When he was triggered he was rarely dangerous, it mostly put him in a very submissive state, taking orders out of anything anyone said to try and create the structure that The Winter Soldier thrives on.
“You know that you don’t need to be directly up my ass the whole time, right?” Tony’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts.
Bucky almost slips, truly he does. He takes a breath and reminds himself that he isn’t there. Tony is not his handler or even his superior, just a friend. A friend who has the tendency to be crude with his words.
“Yeah. Sorry.” Bucky replies, sitting at a stool that is on the other side of the work table Tony is currently at. He wished that he had a book or something to toy with in his hands, but Steve told him that Tony would have something for him to do if he got too bored and not to bring anything. He wished he would have put at least a length of rope in his pocket to mess with. He wanted to ask Tony if he had anything for him to do, but he was afraid Tony might want him to do something important or too hard that he might mess up. Watching Tony soldering whatever he was working on it was.
He hoped Tony wouldn’t get mad at him since he was watching him, but Steve said that Tony would be nice to him as they had talked about this before and Tony agreed that Bucky could stay in the lab if Steve was going to be gone. After a bit of rational thought and trust in Steve, Bucky settled down into the stool and observed Tony.
Tony seemed completely enraptured by what he was working on. Bucky could only begin to wonder what its purpose was. Perhaps it was a smaller component to a larger piece. Maybe for one of the bots that was roaming the lab, maybe something completely different. It startled Bucky when Tony’s attention suddenly shifted his attention from the metal to Bucky.
The soldering iron hit the table and clattered loudly as it fell from Tony’s hand. After the iron stills a loud sigh escapes his lips. His dark brown eyes pierce Bucky’s. Bucky’s brain snaps.
“Go! Jack off!” he rasps.
The Soldier is quick to fling his body off of the stool. He speeds off to the farthest corner of the lab and crouches down, letting his back stay against the wall. The Soldier definitely knows what it means when a handler says go. It means to get as far away as possible within allowed parameters. Jack off, though, is an entirely different story. He is aware of the name Jack, but he has no idea of what the relations it has with being off or “go”.
He can feel the intense fear through his veins. Had he missed a briefing? Is his brain starting to forget the programmed protocol? Does he need to ask for a wipe? Will there be one soon anyways?
He has a flash of a blonde man with blue eyes that seems so familiar in his head. The man was telling him that if he was ever confused on anything the time, the date, an item in his quarters, or even something random that he was remembering that he could just ask aloud to JARVIS. JARVIS was the man (Steve said super intelligent computer but computers can’t talk) in the walls.
A flash of the same man holding both of his shoulders tightly telling him that he needs to be good while he is gone, and that he was to return soon.
“JARVIS,” The Soldier mumbles as quietly as he can. “What is a jacking off?”
“The term jacking off is an english slang term for masturbating. The act of stroking one’s penis with a hand.” JARVIS’s British accent responded to his question in a similar volume to his own question.
The Soldier was concerned by the orders as it had never been ordered to do anything with its genitals before, but he was never to doubt a handler. He hoped he could please his handler and the blonde man.
He arranged himself to take off his jeans and shoes before kneeling on the floor with his shins and the tops of his feet pressing against the cold tile floors of the lab with his rear balanced on his heels. His penis was limp and leaning towards his right thigh. There was nothing gentle about the way he gripped his length and began to stroke it forward and backward.
JARVIS had not provided him any information or parameters about the grip strength, speed, or duration to this jacking off order. His conclusion was to grip as hard as he can and stroke himself as fast as he can until his handler told him to do otherwise in hopes of pleasing his handler and the man in his memories.
He could feel blood rushing to his penis and it began to stiffen and increase in length. He was not sure what this was exactly, but he knew that it was from the jacking off. He hoped that this was allowed as he did not know how to make it stop. A clear fluid began to leak out of the hole at the tip of his dick and he carefully angled it so that it would drip on his pants instead of the floor. He was not allowed to make a mess.
As he watched the sticky, thick fluid fall onto his jeans and create a small circle darker than the rest of the fabric he realized how dry the friction was on his genitals.
Oh.
He gets it now.
It was self punishment. He has been ordered to do this in the past but normally it involved a knife and there was someone supervising him while he did it. Cutting lines through limbs, removing fingernails, or even simple insertions. All come after doing something wrong.
The Soldier made a mental note that he was not allowed to know what his handler was working on when it came to projects or soldering, to sit on stools, or look his handler in the eyes. He couldn’t be sure what the exact cause was of the self punishment, but he knew that he never wanted to repeat this as he made his handler upset.
His penis was starting to burn with the back and forth motion with no lubricant to make it an easier slide. It was swollen and red, but it was still a bit floppy. He didn’t know if his handler wanted it soft or hard, as right now he had both going on. His whole body was flinching with the urge to stop the rubbing that was causing a pain not only on the affected area but his whole nervous system as it was such a sensitive area.
He heard movement from his handler from the soldering table. After listening closely he could hear muttering.
“God, I lost him. What the hell am I doing? I promised Steve I would watch him and keep him from going all Winter Soldier everywhere and I sent him away. Bucky, buddy, where did you go?” Tony asks, panic in his voice.
He recognized his title, but he didn’t know who Bucky was. Maybe another handler? Another Asset?
He decided to not speak or reveal his location as if he assumed his handler’s attention was for him while being punished he could risk making things worse. The soldier just wanted to please.
“Jesus, there you ar- What the Fuck?” His handler exclaims, not being able to avert his eyes from the war hero crouched in the corner choking his chicken.
The Soldier whimpered as he knew that something was wrong but he didn’t know what. Should he be doing it faster? Slower? Harder? Softer? He wished he could be good, he seems to mess up a lot.
“Don’t just stare at me and keep going. Stop!” Tony yells.
He didn’t know what he could have possibly done in order to make his handler want him to stop the punishment after he had messed up over and over, but he was not to question direct orders. He removed his hand and held his two hands together behind his back.
His handlers gasp at his almost already soft cock that was bright red with chafing and tingling made him flinch. It could possibly be a good thing that meant he had hurt himself in a way that pleased his handler, but with the way this whole ordeal has been going, he doubts it.
“Why the fuck are you wanking it without lube in the corner of my lab?”
The soldier felt fear rush through him again. He had done the wrong thing. His orders were to jack off, not wank it. He didn’t know the difference and he knew that right now was not the right time to ask JARVIS.
“Sorry, sir.” he mumbles to the floor, avoiding his handlers eyes.
“That doesn’t- oh, Oh! Jesus Fuck. I totally said that, didn't I? I told you to go and jack off. I triggered your shit.” his handler thought out loud, his face growing more and more worried.
He watched as his handler kneeled down on the floor in front of him, looking at his eyes. He tried to avoid it, but it was inevitable.
“Look at me.” he did as he was told. “It is okay. Everything will be okay.”
He wished he knew what was going on, but he had no reason not to believe his trusted handler. His handler never made mistakes. He took a deep breath to try and calm his body and mind, to fall back into the deeper conditioning of the Winter Soldier to do his best to please his superiors.
“Right now you are a little bit confused, but that’s okay. You are not with HYDRA. I am not your handler. Your name is James Buchanan Barnes. You are in the Avengers tower, and that means that you are safe with people around you that will support you. Do you have any questions for right now?” Tony explains, settling into a more comfortable position for his back, goodness he was not made for this anymore.
“No, sir.” The Soldier replies, not thinking much on what he was told for knowledge, trying to find orders through the words.
“Bucky, you are safe right now.” Tony assures.
“Yes, sir.”
“How about we get you back dressed? Maybe some lotion for your chafing.” Tony says, reaching over to dig in one of the many drawers in the lab, pulling out some fancy scented lotion. “Put this on very gently to your, erm, irritated area.”
The soldier does as he is told, rubbing the soothing cream onto his penis, trying his best to be gentle, to follow orders. Afterwards he continues to follow orders and carefully slips his jeans back on along with his socks and sneakers.
“Come on over here, bud. Let’s get you comfortable. Steve said you like blankets when you are confused. Let’s find you one.” Tony’s voice was almost soothing as he led Bucky to a couch on the opposite corner of the lab.
The soldier sits on the couch and is mildly surprised as he sinks down into the cushions. Tony comes back to him with a large piece of fabric that has fur on one side and a fuzzy fabric on the other. Was this the blanket? For him?
“Here you go, pal. Why don’t you go ahead and lay down?” His handler suggests holding his arms as far apart as he can while still holding onto the blanket, effectively spreading it out.
He flips himself down and onto his back, keeping his entire body straight with his arms directly by his side. This seems to displease his handler by his body language and he tenses up.
“Here, let’s try this instead.” Tony mutters and he sits down on the couch right above The Soldier’s head. He flinches when he feels hands on his shoulder, but he allows himself to be moved. He feels the handler move his head into his lap then the blanket spreads out of his body from neck to feet.
“Go ahead and get comfortable, Bucky. I know you are confused and I am sorry you are. It’s going to be okay.” his handler says softly while stroking his long hair out of his face.
He allows his body to relax and feels his breath even out. His handler is offering him comfort, and he knows he needs to relax to please his handler. He flips himself over so his face is facing his handler’s stomach and slowly nuzzles into a comfortable position. He likes this order.
“There you go.” Tony utters, moving his hand from brushing hair away to scratching his scalp, which wasn’t painful whatsoever.
The soldier allowed himself to give in completely to the order and stop thinking.
When he wakes up his face is snuggled into Tony’s shirt and stomach and he is perfectly tucked in with the softest blanket ever. The hand on his head feels different, a soft whimper escaping his throat and he shifts to readjust himself. He hears a snuffled noise from who he can only assume is Tony who has fallen asleep. So who is touching him? Another noise escapes his mouth.
“It’s okay, pal. Just me.” he hears the smooth voice of the person he trusts the most.
Steve.
He relaxes his body again. It is going to be alright.