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Everyone is born with a mark on their left wrist.
For Jiyeon, it's a simple flower, one in mid-bloom with its petals still partly curled. It's not particularly ugly or pretty, just an inoffensive symbol that Jiyeon takes no special interest in. Rather, she forgets her mark as it hides behind an accessory band, a wristwatch, or even the extended sleeves of an oversized hoodie. It's when the fabric slips, showing the mess of lines and shapes, that she remembers that she even has the mark – that everyone has a mark.
Everyone is born with one, a design that is uniquely their own, but not everyone has more than one dotted across their skin with no particular rhyme or reason.
Jiyeon doesn't have any other marks besides her own unfurling flower, but she does take notice of Hyunjung's string of stars that prettily trail down the back of her left arm. Its appearance is sudden, materializing in their second year of middle school. It contrasts greatly with Hyunjung's own mark, a spiral that ends with a line that slashes through the middle of the pattern.
"Whose mark is that?"
It was an innocent question – or so Jiyeon had thought.
Hyunjung, instead, had soured immediately, her face tightening as she scowled.
"Nobody's."
It definitely wasn't a nobody, but Jiyeon hadn't wanted to push her further. Not when Hyunjung was chewing on the end of her pencil, breaking the wood between her teeth with a loud crunch.
She had let it go, and Hyunjung too had never brought it up again.
(Jiyeon later learns that it belonged to a pretty underclassman with the best posture she's ever seen.
Hyunjung cries when they graduate, but the stars never disappear.)
//
The first time Jiyeon sees her mark on someone else is when she suddenly gets a letter shoved in her face in her first year of high school. It's the dead of winter and it's cold as hell outside, but the sudden confession from a boy in her class had helped numb her from the biting chill.
"I like you."
It's a simple confession. He's a nice kid, average grades, average social circle, just... average. Jiyeon honestly doesn't remember much about him. But she does remember how he had pulled up his shirt, a shaking finger pointing to the flower that painted the side of his ribs.
"Oh," Jiyeon felt winded. "That's mine."
The boy (she doesn't quite remember his name anymore) nodded. "It is."
"Sorry?"
Jiyeon had felt bad making him cry, but the relief of the rejection she had given outweighed the guilt of permanently tagging his skin with the proof of his unreciprocated affection.
//
The marks, they learn in class throughout their mandatory education years, are their own private identifiers – everyone's is different and everyone has one. The fucked up thing, Jiyeon thinks, is how they transfer.
The moment you fall in love, the mark of your loved one is placed upon your skin at random.
When Jiyeon had first learned that she had immediately thought of the man at the convenience store who always wore a mask to cover the three solid black stripes that wrapped neatly around his cheekbone. She had seen it when he had pulled down the mask briefly to sip water.
It made sense then, the mask.
//
Jiyeon makes it until the last year of high school before she attains her first mark.
It's a simple dash that lines her outer thigh, one that could easily hide behind her clothes. It's also the first time she realizes she likes girls, but that fact comes as less of a shock than the girl that the dash is attached to.
Lee Luda is a pretty underclassman who smiles like the sun and Jiyeon was so sure she could see the rays of light whenever they made eye contact.
They hold hands a couple of times and even go as far as to share their first kiss together, but that's as far as they manage to go.
Luda never gets Jiyeon's mark, no matter how hard Jiyeon wills it to happen.
Instead, they separate as summer sets in; Luda is the apologetic one whose frown still looks as beautiful as the first drops of snow and Jiyeon finally understands why Hyunjung had cried as hard as she had at their middle school graduation.
Jiyeon had cried for the first time then too and she's sure she would never cry harder than losing her first love.
//
Sojung is the first person she meets that has more than a couple marks littered across her body.
Jiyeon is in her first year of college now, studying dance and performance. It's fun, or so she thinks because she doesn't have much to compare it to.
Sojung is Hyunjung's roommate studying music composition, but they quickly add her into their circle, effectively converting their best friend duo into a best friend trio. Jiyeon doesn't particularly get along with her own roommate so she crashes in their room at any available moment. Hyunjung and Sojung always grumble, but they have an extra futon stashed under their bunk bed just for her so Jiyeon assumes they don't actually care much.
They naturally become closer, opening up in a way their emotionally stunted high school selves would have never allowed for. And on one drunken afternoon when Hyunjung is passed out in one of their many comfortable bean bags, Sojung goes around to show Jiyeon the marks she's collected throughout the years.
Sojung's own mark, Jiyeon thinks, is the prettiest she's seen yet. It looks like a planet, something akin to Saturn, but colored in with waves of intricate lines.
"Cool."
"Right?" Sojung smiles, obviously pleased with Jiyeon's response.
There are tattoos on her shoulder blade, ankle, nape, chest, and right palm: "This one is from my tutor in middle school, a childhood friend, my first boyfriend, my first girlfriend, and an upperclassman from high school."
Jiyeon trails her fingers lightly against every mark, drunkenly imagining the scenarios as Sojung continues to talk of how every mark came to be. It's a fun collection of stories for the most part and Jiyeon comes to learn the girl's entire life history through the drawings on her skin.
Hyunjung wakes up in time to listen to Jiyeon talk about Luda. She pats Jiyeon's shoulder awkwardly in a way Jiyeon knows is supposed to be comforting but feels as though Hyunjung had just decided to brush dirt off her shirt instead.
It's endearing in how very Hyunjung-like the whole gesture is.
Sojung listens enraptured. Then, she pours Jiyeon another shot at the end of her recountation of lost love.
Sojung, too, gives herself a glass of soju and provides Hyunjung a cup of water so she can join in on the cheer.
"To love."
Hyunjung lifts her cup first, followed by Jiyeon who joins along with a deep exhale.
"And to heartbreak."
//
The first year of her college life passes in a blur. Jiyeon quickly becomes accustomed to the new work-life balance (or the lack thereof).
They hurtle into their second year with the three of them deciding to live together in a triple rather than risk random assignment once more – Jiyeon shudders at how awful her roommate who should shall never be named had been about cleaning and respecting shared spaces, but that's all in the past. Now, she's living comfortably with her two best friends in a room definitely made for two children or one adult.
Hyunjung is reunited with the owner of the trail of stars in the beginning of their second year. Jiyeon finally gets a name for their middle school, now college, underclassman: Park Soobin.
Soobin is bright and cheerful, a little louder than Jiyeon had expected, but kind. She also has incredible posture, which Jiyeon recalls immediately from her memory bank after meeting her again for the first time since middle school graduation.
(Jiyeon also starts to understand why Hyunjung had never taken on another mark besides Soobin's. They’re almost perfect for each other in the way they banter, in the way they look at one another as though everyone else had simply disappeared off the face of the Earth. Jiyeon doesn’t understand the intricacies, but she gets it. She really does.)
Hyunjung only wears long sleeved shirts around Soobin, but the latter never questions why. It’s a known secret that’s never voiced in the air and it seems that’s the preferred way of working around the issue of the starry mark.
Jiyeon thinks it's kind of funny watching her friend sweat through the layers, but she has enough empathy to keep ice cream stocked in their shared mini fridge for Hyunjung to cool off with.
It’s the second semester during finals when Hyunjung finally wears a short-sleeved shirt again.
Jiyeon had glanced up from her hunched position at the school library when Hyunjung had shuffled into the seat across from her. To her shock, the girl had dressed in a plain white t-shirt and ripped jeans.
She lifts a single brow, curiosity stopping the busy scrawl of her pen mid-stroke.
Hyunjung replies with the biggest smile Jiyeon has ever seen.
The answer comes soon enough as Soobin joins them at the table, pulling out her own notebooks and laptop from her backpack. Jiyeon quickly sees the glimpse of a familiar spiral with a slash through it painted on Soobin’s forearm as though Hyunjung herself had delicately traced her own mark into the girl’s skin.
And to some degree, Hyunjung had etched her affections deep into Soobin just as Soobin had years prior.
Jiyeon lets out a soft snort, though she’s more than overjoyed for the newfound couple.
“Congratulations,” she says.
Hyunjung and Soobin beam.
\\
It’s the third year when Jiyeon sees Luda again.
Jiyeon is at the freshmen orientation party, helping Sojung hand out the “my name is” sticker name tags after losing a stupid drunken bet.
A stream of new faces pass in a blur, but only one sticks out like a sore thumb.
Jiyeon feels her throat dry when Luda approaches her.
They hadn’t kept in touch with each other since the break-up, but Jiyeon feels her heart stir in an intimately painful sort of way. It’s been two years since she’s last seen Luda, but the shooting rush that glances through her chest hasn’t changed.
Luda is the first to break the silence with a careful smile.
“Jiyeon unnie, hi.”
Jiyeon feels the world stop spinning for a moment as she deliberates between throwing her arms around the smaller girl or running away and never looking back. But the fantasies of the could-be shatter as Luda tugs at her collar, exposing the tell-tale signs of a mark.
A black hole opens in the ground beneath Jiyeon’s feet and she feels gravity itself take ahold of her feet, cementing her to the ground.
So she answers, breathless – numb.
“Hi.”
“You look well,” Luda says pleasantly though her tone is kept forcibly light. Her eyes glance over Jiyeon, drinking in every detail before returning to her eyes. “How are you doing?”
“I’m–” Jiyeon glances about, taking in Luda’s new appearance. She had cut her hair and grown out her bangs, but nothing had changed besides the superficial. Her smile still is as beautiful as the sun, blinding Jiyeon with its radiance. “Good. I’m doing good.”
Her eyes return to the mark that poked its way just barely above Luda’s flattened shirt collar. Luda, following the angle of her gaze, pulls down her shirt to expose the mark in full.
The universe has a funny sense of humor because it’s a circular spiral with extended lines: a sun.
“You have a mark,” Jiyeon says dumbly.
Luda nods, part-bashful, part-apologetic. “I do.”
“Congratulations… or I’m sorry?”
The girl chuckles, the sound airy and soft. “The former. She’s a year younger than I am, a high school senior. We started dating last year, right before graduation.”
Jiyeon fights back a wince. “Oh. Uh, congrats – again.”
“Yeah.”
Luda gives her another smile, though all Jiyeon sees is the shadows of guilt – trepidation – pass across her features. It darkens the brilliance and Jiyeon wishes she hadn’t been the cause of the downcast.
“You don’t have any new marks.”
It’s a question posed as a statement.
Jiyeon doesn’t particularly know how to answer. So she shrugs, giving a lopsided smile as she waves her hand in a vague motion. “Busy with school.”
Luda nods once. Her expression clouds and becomes impossible to read.
“Well, I can’t keep the line waiting,” Luda takes the sticker from Jiyeon’s hand, making sure that their fingers never graze. “I’ll see you around, Jiyeon unnie.”
“Yeah,” Jiyeon takes a shaky inhale, trying to keep from falling apart. “I’ll see you around.”
\\
She falls apart eventually.
The freshmen party is raging inside. One of the seniors had provided alcohol for the newest members and Jiyeon had managed to sneak a bottle in her jacket pocket as she made a hasty exit. The soju is lukewarm and tastes mediocre at best, but the burn it gives as it hits her empty stomach helps her forget the painful thumping in her heart.
She sits on the curb of the sidewalk, using a broken stick to draw circular spirals into the dirt as tears dot the corner of her eyes.
Jiyeon is nearly finished with the bottle when she meets Son Juyeon for the first time.
She’s openly crying at this point, surrounded by spiral suns that encircle her feet. Her chest feels like it’s on fire and she can’t stop the tears from flowing freely down her cheek and hitting the ground. She’s shaking – what had started as heartbreak had transformed midway into an ugly sense of betrayal, of anger, of deep, lingering sadness.
Jiyeon, motivated by the emptiness of her now depleted heart, chugs the rest of the bottle and chucks it to the side.
The glass bottle shatters on the pavement.
“Whoa,” a voice calls from the distance. “Someone is having a bad time.”
Jiyeon peers up, narrowing her swollen and red eyes.
“Are you OK?”
The owner of the voice is a girl – Jiyeon assumes she’s a freshman considering she’s never seen her before.
“Go away,” Jiyeon hisses, wiping the sleeve of her shirt aggressively against her face to clear the tears and snot.
She, however, doesn’t. Instead, the girl sits, placing a gentle hand over Jiyeon’s own.
Jiyeon startles but doesn’t move. Her eyes round, taking in the girl’s appearance properly.
The first thing that comes to her attention is Juyeon’s eyes, kind and gentle. The second thing she notices is the number of marks that decorate her skin. Her exposed arms bear at least five marks combined and the other visible patches of skin all contain a portion of marks. There must be at least twenty, if not more.
Jiyeon blinks, looking down briefly.
The lopsided name tag reads Son Juyeon.
They sit there in quiet contemplation; Jiyeon manages to shake herself from the shock of the girl’s sudden but not entirely unwelcome touchiness and Juyeon just waits for Jiyeon to finish crying, her presence a silent comfort against the loudness of the party nearby.
“You should go back inside,” Jiyeon says after a minute. She’s sufficiently calmed down now, but she keeps her head bowed to avoid looking at the girl. Instead, she looks at one of Juyeon’s many marks – this one on her arm resembles a crescent moon.
Juyeon, however, responds with a shrug. “You seem in need of company and I’m more than willing to be it.”
\\
They talk – sort of.
They’re sitting in the dirt. Jiyeon thinks briefly about how she’ll have to do laundry when she gets back, but that thought quickly gets overtaken by the stupid sun mark that plagues her mind.
Juyeon watches as she draws another circle in the sand with her finger.
“Is that your mark?”
Jiyeon shakes her head.
“Whose is it?”
Jiyeon shrugs. “Don’t know.”
Juyeon blinks.
“Oh.”
Jiyeon returns to drawing suns.
Juyeon watches for a moment. Then she joins her, drawing her own version of the mark on Luda’s neck.
Jiyeon frowns. “You got it wrong. The spiral is to the left.”
“You seem to know a lot about this mark despite not knowing the person,” Juyeon says.
Jiyeon doesn’t respond.
Juyeon opens her mouth to continue, and Jiyeon, not wanting any more questions related to the sun, deflects with a question of her own.
“Why do you have so many marks?” The question comes from curiosity, but it’s also a bit mean-spirited. But Jiyeon is buzzed and a drunk Jiyeon isn't particularly concerned about caring for a stranger’s feelings.
Juyeon, however, takes it with ease. “I got it the only way you can.”
Jiyeon narrows her eyes.
Juyeon keeps the easygoing smile on her face. She never falters, not even when Jiyeon presses her finger against the striped band located right beneath Juyeon’s exposed collarbone and trails it down the entire length.
“Is this your way of hitting on me?” Juyeon jokes, chuckling.
Jiyeon shrugs. She feels numb and in desperate need of something to fill the expanding void in her. Juyeon isn’t exactly bad looking – quite the contrary, really – and Jiyeon is drunk enough that she doesn’t care about the repercussions at all.
Juyeon’s eyes flutter to Jiyeon’s lips and that’s enough for Jiyeon to grab her by the collar and pull her into a kiss.
\\
Juyeon is already awake by the time Jiyeon opens her eyes.
Her mind is groggy and she can still taste soju in the back of her throat. Gross.
Juyeon hands her a cup of coffee and an ibuprofen for the headache Jiyeon feels creeping up. “Lucky for us, my roommate didn’t come back last night.”
Jiyeon catches Juyeon’s mark for the first time, finally taking notice of the pattern on her left wrist. It’s a geometric shape resembling a diamond, flattened and stretched, the ordered lines paralleling the center perfectly.
“It’s not very pretty,” Juyeon says matter-of-factly.
Jiyeon doesn’t respond, though her silence becomes quiet acknowledgement.
Juyeon just laughs.
“Yours is nice.”
Jiyeon glances down at her own mark, the flower and its unfurling petals frozen mid-bloom.
“You think so?”
Juyeon reaches down, long fingers wrapping around Jiyeon’s wrists. She tugs gently, pulling at Jiyeon’s arms until her wrist comes in contact with Juyeon’s lips.
“Yeah,” Jiyeon can feel Juyeon’s breath travel the length of her hands and down her arm. “I do.”
They exchange numbers once Jiyeon is dressed.
Juyeon is leaning against her door dressed down in a comfortable hoodie.
“Text whenever.”
Jiyeon nods. “OK.”
And then she leaves.
\\
They do text – sometimes.
It’s never anything more than a “are you free tonight?”
Juyeon prefers they just meet rather than spend time texting and Jiyeon likes how straightforward she is about communication.
They don’t particularly converse much except for the usual small talk. Rather, it's hands on skin pressed feverishly against one another as they attempt to close the physical gap between them. It’s annoying how much taller Juyeon is, but she quickly gets over any real irritation the first time Juyeon literally sweeps her off her feet and throws her onto the shitty college mattress, towering over her in bed in a way Jiyeon hadn’t known she was into.
She likes feeling cared for – likes the way Juyeon caresses her gently as though she’s made of porcelain, likes the way Juyeon temporarily fills the widening vacuum of space growing inside of her.
Their relationship is purely physical; Juyeon never kisses her outside of sex and Jiyeon never even attempts. It’s nice, the clear line they’ve drawn between them.
They never talk about anything and Jiyeon hopes they will never have to.
\\
It’s autumn when a new mark appears on Sojung’s skin.
It’s an arrow that tapers at the end, lines splitting so it looks like there are six short feathers attached. It’s small and pretty, wrapping nicely around Sojung’s calf.
Hyunjung is the first to notice.
She whispers it to Jiyeon first, who then immediately decides to confront Sojung despite Hyunjung's flailing hands.
Sojung, luckily, already knows.
"Her name is Nam Dawon."
Dawon, it turns out, is a first year student in the vocal performance department. She's also friends with Juyeon and, much to Jiyeon's horror, best friends with Luda.
They meet accidentally again when Sojung officially introduces Dawon to them. The scene: a nice brunch cafe nearby campus, the time: a Saturday afternoon, and Jiyeon: hungover with a bright red hickey dotting the side of her neck barely covered by the hodgepodge concealer she threw on last minute when Hyunjung had pointed the mark out to her.
Dawon is kind enough not to say anything about Jiyeon’s disheveled appearance but Sojung does send her a swift kick of disapproval to the shin.
Jiyeon bites back a whimper. She deserved that.
They're halfway through brunch when Luda appears.
Hyunjung had asked Dawon a couple of questions before falling into a silence so awkward that Jiyeon can't help but apologize to the younger girl for their friend's admittedly insane behavior.
Dawon takes it well with a smile and a laugh and Jiyeon decides that she likes Dawon enough that she has to ask why a girl like her is dating Chu Sojung of all people.
"I'm going to kill you," Sojung brandishes a dull butter knife which Jiyeon easily knocks back with her own. The knife goes flying through the air, landing on the ground right by Luda's feet.
Jiyeon has to take a moment to focus, making sure that her eyes aren't deceiving her.
But there Luda stands, wearing a pretty sundress with accessories to match, looking both incredible and incredulous.
"Luda!" Dawon is the first to react, standing up to wrap her friend in a tight hug.
Luda reciprocates, though her gaze remains on Jiyeon's owlish eyes for another brief moment.
"I saw you from outside and wanted to say hi."
The two girls chat for a little and Jiyeon knows Hyunjung and Sojung are freaking out around her, but Jiyeon hears nothing besides the rush of blood pounding against her eardrums.
The conversation lasts either for one second or one hour, Jiyeon isn't sure. But what she is sure of is the way Luda's eyes linger on the hickey on her neck when she turns to say goodbye. She doesn't say anything, thankfully, but the brief spark of recognition and amusement (Jiyeon isn't quite certain on how to interpret it) has her sinking deeper into the table seats.
Luda leaves, and Jiyeon feels the need to go bury herself in a ten feet deep hole.
Sojung and Hyunjung take the opportunity to fill in the details for the confused then shocked then apologetic Dawon; Jiyeon, on the other hand, uses the time to order a round of mimosas for the table.
Nobody says anything when Jiyeon gathers all four glasses into her arms, slamming back one drink after another.
\\
The rest of third year passes in a blur. Things change and people shuffle in and out, but Juyeon remains a constant in Jiyeon's horrendously full schedule.
They don't really hang out outside of the sex thing, but they are friendly when they see each other outside.
Jiyeon is invited to a party that she’s forced to go to by Soobin of all people, but she willingly agrees once Soobin also coerces an agreement from Hyunjung to attend. It’s fantastic because even if the party is a total bust, Jiyeon can just stand in a corner and watch Hyunjung as she’s forced to make small talk with strangers – her greatest nightmare and Jiyeon’s greatest pleasure.
And that’s precisely what she’s doing, giggling in a drunken daze with Sojung by her side as they watch Hyunjung fumble not one, but two red solo cups. Soobin dodges the mess with ease, quickly wiping up the spill and sweeping Hyunjung behind her back with a single arm to shield her from any more forced conversation. Hyunjung melts with relief, pressing against Soobin’s slim back as though every bone in her body had decided to stop working all at once.
This is also when Jiyeon spots Juyeon amongst the crowd. She’s hunched over slightly, making intense eye contact with another cute girl who looks happy to have Juyeon’s attention.
Jiyeon, however, doesn’t particularly care.
“Hey,” she calls out, tapping the girl on the arm.
Juyeon whips around, hair flying in her face. Her eyes go wide in recognition and then she’s quick to wrap Jiyeon up into a firm embrace.
“Jiyeon unnie!”
Jiyeon returns the embrace with light arms, though she does nuzzle her nose affectionately against the other’s cheek. She takes the opportunity to let her lips graze Juyeon’s ear as she whispers an invitation back to her room, and she takes sadistic delight with how Juyeon’s body stiffens beneath her hands – how the Juyeon’s hands cling a little more against the small of her back, her fingertips snaking in beneath the fabric of her clothes.
Juyeon mumbles a quick apology to the girl she was just talking to before she takes Jiyeon by the hand, leading her out of the cheers of drunken students and into the quiet of the dorm hallway.
\\
Jiyeon knows all of Juyeon’s marks by this point. They’ve become intimately aware of each other.
She knows about the teardrop shaped mark on Juyeon’s ribs, the splatter of asterisks that look like paint on her back, and even the infinity mark that’s stamped on the heel of her foot.
Juyeon has sixteen marks in total, which is the most Jiyeon has ever seen on a person. They’re all visible, but Juyeon also doesn’t seem preoccupied by wanting to cover them up in any way.
Jiyeon has asked about it once earlier in their… relationship and Juyeon had simply shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don’t see a reason to.”
Now she’s absentmindedly tracing the one on Juyeon’s stomach, a four-leaf clover, when Juyeon asks, “Is that Luda’s mark?”
Jiyeon glances down at her naked thigh, eyes trained on the dashed line marring her otherwise flawless skin.
“Yeah.”
“Are you still in love with her?”
It’s a serious question. Juyeon doesn’t look at her, but Jiyeon can feel the weight behind her words, the burn of her gaze.
“I don’t know.”
It’s the truth, but Jiyeon doesn’t know how to properly articulate that she had and probably would always love Luda. She was her first love, her first everything. But whether Luda’s mark on her skin was a faded scar or a cover for a festering wound is still to be seen – and Jiyeon isn’t willing to lift beneath the covers and find out.
Not now at least.
Juyeon lets out a sound, something like a noncommittal grunt.
They go back to their mindless silence. Jiyeon starts tracing another one of Juyeon’s many marks, fingernail lightly dragging against the black outlines before she replaces her hand with her tongue.
They don’t really say much after – they can’t really converse, not when Jiyeon’s too busy trying to see if she can sink her teeth in all sixteen of Juyeon’s marks.
\\
Winter and spring roll around with little fanfare.
Jiyeon finishes her third year showcase and bows to a standing ovation.
She goes back home briefly, spending time with her parents and high school friends (including Hyunjung who mostly mopes and whines about missing Soobin). The days pass as Jiyeon spends them lounging about in a gentle laze, happily drinking up her youth as her parents pamper her as though she were a child once more.
Nothing particularly changes when she returns to campus except for the fact that she finally gets a single. Hyunjung lives on her left, Sojung on her right, so they’re still effectively roommates but now with a lot more space.
They’re all back to a familiar rhythm; everything slips into place even as the timeline accelerates to accommodate job searching and senior final showcases.
Juyeon, despite having only texted twice during the whole break, comes over the first week.
Jiyeon is the one to reach out, but what she doesn’t expect is for Juyeon to come equipped with a movie loaded on her laptop, a basket of fried chicken, and some alcohol to wash it all down.
They do something else besides sleep together for the first time, and it’s a welcome change. Juyeon hasn’t changed over the break besides spontaneously dyeing her entire head a shade of faded silver, but Jiyeon thinks it looks good on her.
Really good.
They watch a movie, eat fried chicken, get a little drunk, and then it’s business as usual.
She missed having Juyeon’s weight on top of her, sturdy and warm.
“Do you have any new marks?” Jiyeon asks teasingly as Juyeon nips at her shoulder playfully.
“No. Do you?”
Jiyeon grins, mischievous. “Why don’t you find out?”
(“You don’t!” Juyeon reports after a very thorough examination that leaves Jiyeon breathless and disheveled.)
\\
Jiyeon finally meets the sun girl early in the school year.
They’re in the same department so it’s bound to happen sooner or later, but Jiyeon doesn’t expect to happen as suddenly as it had.
Jiyeon is in the corner of the department’s party room, watching all the new faces filter in. No one particularly stands out except for three girls who congregate into the space adjacent to her; one (Dayoung, she thinks is her name) is particularly loud and it catches Jiyeon’s attention enough for her to turn her head and stare.
“Shut up!” The tallest of the three (Yeonjung, her name tag says) shoves her palm against Dayoung’s face. The third girl is laughing at the whole exchange, but she does little to stop the chaos from occurring.
And that’s when Jiyeon sees it again: the sun.
The third girl, Yeoreum, has the sun etched on her left wrist.
Realization knocks the breath from Jiyeon’s body and she stands winded, shocked.
Dayoung is the first to notice her staring. She stops yelling and punches her two friends, using her large eyes to point in Jiyeon’s direction.
“Guys, guys, we’re being too loud!”
Yeonjung and Yeoreum immediately turn to face her. All three bow simultaneously and sputter a slew of apologies, most of it unintelligible.
Jiyeon, taken aback by the sudden change, blinks, amused more than anything else. They must have assumed her staring as a form of silent scolding – very underclassmen behavior. She rips her gaze from Yeoreum’s wrist and replaces whatever look she must have had on her face with a trained smile.
“Don’t worry about it.”
The three relax immediately, their expressions a mix of relief and chagrin. They’re definitely freshmen and the way they react to her further cements the fact that they’re still full of life and buzzing with excitement.
Jiyeon thinks they’re adorable.
They’re about to wander off when she taps Yeoreum’s shoulder.
“Hey, do you know Lee Luda?”
Yeoreum looks shocked, eyes widening cartoonishly. Jiyeon suppresses a chuckle.
“I’m assuming that’s a yes?”
Yeoreum nods, clearly too astonished to voice a reply.
Jiyeon waves her hand dismissively. “I just went to the same high school is all. It’s nice to see an underclassman here.”
She smiles, and this time, Yeoreum reciprocates.
The sun mark suits her, Jiyeon thinks. She really does light up the room.
This is also when Jiyeon notices the mark on Yeoreum’s right arm – a simple dashed line identical to the one Jiyeon has on her thigh.
Jiyeon bites her lower lip. She doesn’t feel the need to cry anymore and the thorn that had previously lodged itself in her heart had all but disappeared, leaving behind only a scarred puncture of what once existed. It hurt, and she assumes it always will, but it’s no longer unbearable.
It no longer consumes her the way it once had.
Instead, she smiles, agreeing to exchange phone numbers with Yeoreum (and Yeonjung and Dayoung, too, as they shove their screens in her face before she can say anything).
They wave goodbye pleasantly and Jiyeon feels as though she’s floating on air, a wisp of emotions that even a gentle breeze could sweep away.
\\
The universe definitely has a funny sense of humor because later that day Jiyeon runs into Luda again.
Luda is by herself, busy tapping away on her phone. She’s leaning against the performing arts building, clearly waiting for someone.
Jiyeon, having just finished rehearsal, approaches her for the first time.
“Hey.”
Luda startles.
“Jiyeon unnie.”
“How have you been?” Jiyeon asks, trying to sound more casual about the whole thing.
Luda responds back cautiously. “Fine. Busy as usual.”
Jiyeon rolls her weight from the balls of her feet to her heels. She thinks about just wandering off, to continue avoiding Luda until graduation but she doesn’t want to.
There’s nothing much to discuss between them, but Jiyeon wants to properly close this chapter in her life.
Call her selfish, but that’s maybe what she’s always needed: closure.
So she says, “I met Yeoreum.”
Luda nods, as though having expected that. “Yeah. She told me.”
“I’m happy for you,” Jiyeon says with a level of genuine sincerity that even shocks even herself. Luda, too, looks surprised.
“Thank you.”
Jiyeon smiles, dipping her head slightly. Luda reciprocates with her own.
“Unnie.”
“Yeah?”
Luda rubs at the sun mark against her neck.
“I hope you’re happy.”
Jiyeon thinks she looks just as pretty as when they first met in high school, but she’s no longer blinding. Her heart hurts from the sudden absence of weight and she feels tears prickle the edge of her eyes, but it comes from a different source this time: of things that once were and never would be.
“Luda unnie?”
A voice calls from behind.
Yeoreum stands with her backpack straps held in both hands.
Jiyeon uses her appearance as her invitation to depart. She watches as they hold hands, naturally gravitating towards each other as if pulled by instinct.
“Bye, Luda,” Jiyeon says softly, waving once.
Luda waves back, but the shadows of the evening streetlamp make it impossible to parse out her expression.
“Bye, unnie.”
\\
Jiyeon cries for the third time, and last, time.
Juyeon is with her again, arm wrapped around her shoulder.
She’s grateful for the girl’s presence, for her sturdy body pressed tight against Jiyeon’s shaking self.
They stay like this for the rest of the night, with her head tucked into Juyeon’s shoulder and Juyeon’s finger lightly tracing Jiyeon’s half-bloomed flower.
\\
It’s the end of the month when she’s cornered by Sojung and Dawon flanking her left and Soobin and Hyunjung on her right.
They sit her down on a wooden stool, the only seating left in Sojung’s cramped room, staring down at her with matching expressions.
Only Hyunjung avoids her gaze, clearly uncomfortable with the staged intervention.
“Are you two dating?”
Jiyeon shakes her head.
Soobin frowns. She’s always been the most expressive when it came to her disapproval of her and Juyeon’s admittedly strange relationship, but Soobin had kept quiet for most of its duration. Until now, that is.
“I don’t want you to get hurt, unnie.”
Jiyeon winces.
“I won’t,” she says with confidence that comes mostly from the fact that because she can’t imagine Juyeon hurting anyone, especially not on purpose.
Sojung is the next to pin her with a stare.
“And you shouldn’t hurt Juyeon.”
Jiyeon bites her tongue.
That, she’s less sure of.
But she promises them a soft “I won’t.”
\\
Clearly she’s a liar because the following week, she breaks her promise.
Juyeon is back in her room, working on homework. She’s settled in Jiyeon’s desk and chair, looking so comfortable that Jiyeon almost thinks she’s in Juyeon’s dorm for a split second.
They had started spending more time together – less physical intimacy, more quality time just… hanging out, watching videos, and talking.
They’ve been talking a lot more in a way Jiyeon never never expected they would.
Juyeon still initiates most of the skinship, but now it’s less aggressive and more gentle. The previous shoving against the wall for a kiss is turned into a warm embrace that ends with Juyeon kissing the top of Jiyeon’s head in a way that makes her stomach do flips.
Jiyeon watches Juyeon’s hunched shoulders from her bed, mindlessly flipping through her textbook as her eyes remain trained on the slope of the younger girl’s form. It’s moments like these she suddenly gets an urge to kiss Juyeon – and always the impulsive one, she gets up to do just that.
She makes her way to Juyeon, wrapping her arms loosely around the girl’s shoulders as she kisses her from the base of her neck and up her jaw. She has to physically turn the chair and plant herself in Juyeon’s lap to finally capture Juyeon’s lips.
Juyeon reciprocates fondly, letting herself be dragged from her schoolwork and into Jiyeon’s needy embrace.
“What’s up with you?” Juyeon asks teasingly, pecking her on the tip of her nose.
“Just wanted to do this.”
Jiyeon pulls her in for another kiss, though it’s deeper this time.
They do this for awhile, pushing back and forth against each other until Juyeon’s hands are up her shirt and Jiyeon somehow manages to wrestle the jacket off of Juyeon’s form.
She manages to make her way down, refusing to part her lips from Juyeon’s heated skin. She goes further and further, stopping at every mark that Juyeon’s to nip at, as though that would magically erase them from the girl.
Jiyeon makes it to her knees, nestled in between Juyeon’s legs, before the younger girl stops her by gently tugging on her hair.
“Unnie.”
It sounds uncertain, but Juyeon doesn’t push her away so Jiyeon continues on.
She tugs at the girl’s sweatpants, inching them down when Juyeon inhales sharply. She grabs at the top of Jiyeon’s shoulders – a silent request for her to pause.
Jiyeon complies, smiling teasingly up at her as she presses a light kiss against her stomach.
“What’s wrong? Do you have a new mark or something?”
It’s supposed to be a joke, but the way Juyeon’s eyes cloud has Jiyeon swallowing thickly instead.
She feels the beginnings of a frown form on her face.
“Juyeon?”
The silence is enough of an answer.
Jiyeon blinks up at her, slow. Then she tugs at her sweatpants again, lowering it once more.
Juyeon snaps, pushing Jiyeon fully this time but it’s too late.
Jiyeon already saw.
It’s there, the familiar arch of a petal in mid-bloom.
Jiyeon’s heart falls to her stomach.
“Is that…?”
Juyeon inhales sharply. Her entire body stiffens.
“I have to go.”
Jiyeon sits on the floor, dumbfounded.
“Juyeon–”
She reaches out to grasp at Juyeon’s hand, but it’s already too late.
The door of her room slams shut, leaving nothing but Jiyeon on the floor with the image of her mark etched delicately on Juyeon’s hip.
\\
Juyeon starts avoiding her.
It’s sort of offensive how blatant she is about circumventing Jiyeon at any given opportunity, but Jiyeon can’t really fault her for it.
It hurts though, a lot.
Jiyeon tries to reach out but her texts get left on read and Juyeon never seems to be in her dorm whenever she comes knocking. This goes for a month before Jiyeon gets swept away in her own school work, too busy preparing for her senior showcase.
It’s excuses upon excuses, but it does help to replace the ache in her chest with the ache of burning muscles instead.
But Jiyeon keeps her eyes wide open, hoping that she could at least see a glimpse of Juyeon pass in her periphery.
Dawon is the first to comfort her. Jiyeon feels bad about putting her between a rock and a hard place, but Dawon just waves her apologies off with a kind smile.
“Do you miss her?”
Jiyeon’s body responds by folding together, legs pressed against her chest. Her head hangs forward loosely, forehead pressed against her knees as she nods.
She wants to ask Dawon if Juyeon talks about her – if Juyeon misses her just as much Jiyeon misses her.
But she doesn’t.
It continues like this until the end of the semester.
It’s the last day of finals and Jiyeon is standing in front of the mirror, stripped naked, examining every inch of her skin for the Juyeon’s diamond.
Her arms, chest, torso, shoulders are all bare – her skin is completely unmarked except for the single dashed line on her thigh.
There are no traces of Juyeon left on her body.
Jiyeon thinks the marks are bullshit.
So fucking bullshit.
\\
The semester ends.
Jiyeon does well in all her classes and she’s almost done choreographing her final performance. Sojung stays on campus to work on her project and Dawon is there with her. Hyunjung ditches her to spend the holidays at Soobin’s – Jiyeon curses her out, but Hyujung looks so genuinely happy Jiyeon isn’t annoyed for long.
Jiyeon doesn’t get to say goodbye to Juyeon before she leaves, but she does send her a text.
She’s left on read again, but that’s to be expected. At least Juyeon continues to read her messages.
But that’s how Jiyeon ends up back at home, lounging about, bored without anyone to entertain her.
Jiyeon knows she’s being mopey, but she does little to try and brighten her mood. Instead, she’s fiddling with her phone but not doing much with it besides scrolling through her photo gallery. She hesitates whenever a picture of Juyeon pops up and she’s assaulted with a torrent of emotions every single time.
“You should go outside,” her mother says one day.
Jiyeon doesn’t move from her curled up position on the floor.
“It’s cold.”
She can tell her mom is rolling her eyes, but Jiyeon doesn’t have the energy to care. “I’ve let you mope for two days. Now do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”
Jiyeon shrugs. “It’s a long story.”
“Does it have something to do with that new mark?”
Jiyeon snaps into a sitting position.
“What?”
“That new mark on your back.”
“What?”
“Are you a parrot?”
“No, no, there’s a mark? Where?”
Jiyeon hastily throws her phone at her mother, forcing her to take photos of her back.
The photo is blurry and taken at a weird angle, but Jiyeon can see it. She can see the stretched diamond and its geometric pattern nestled in the divet of her spine. Jiyeon feels her breath catch in her throat as she zooms in on the photo, tracing the familiar pattern with her finger.
It’s there. Juyeon’s mark is there on her skin, visible to everyone except her.
But it’s there – it’s there, it’s there, it’s there.
\\
The first thing Jiyeon does is yell: “I knew it!”
The second thing she does is text everyone she knows that she is irrefutably, indisputably, and undeniably in love with Son Juyeon.
Everyone responds with a range of replies: Sojung and Dawon genuinely congratulate her, saying something along the lines of “I knew it” and “happy for you” while Hyunjung and Soobin send her an sticker of a cartoon rabbit being choked with the message “you’re so fucking slow” written beneath. Either way, Jiyeon is happy to have such supportive and loving friends.
Jiyeon thinks about texting Juyeon the photo of her mark, but it seems wrong to do something so personal over the phone. Besides, she wants to properly apologize for everything she’s done.
The rest of the break is preoccupied with thoughts of how to talk to Juyeon again. Her head runs through multiple scenarios. One, her thoughts of grandeur where rose petals are scattered in her room and there are candles that spell the words “I love you” (this one is quickly ruled out by Soobin who warns her about the dangers of fire). Two, a handwritten letter slid under Juyeon’s door – it’s cute and simple, but it also runs the risk of Juyeon simply never opening the letter or missing it completely so Jiyeon rules it out.
And then plan three? Plan three is a free-for-all because the first day Jiyeon returns to campus, Juyeon comes knocking on her door.
They stare at each other for a bit: Jiyeon, shocked at the presence of the girl, and Juyeon, awkward and apologetic.
“Hey–”
Jiyeon pulls her into her room before Juyeon can say another word. She pushes the girl onto her bed, straddling her hips so that she wouldn’t be able to escape. Juyeon is obviously shocked and the surprise slows her movements to a grinding halt. It’s only when Jiyeon starts undressing that Juyeon is jolted back into action.
“Unnie– What are you doing?!”
Jiyeon has her shirt halfway lifted when Juyeon grabs hold of her arms with strong hands. They’re in this weird tug-of-war where Jiyeon is trying to strip and Juyeon is preventing her from doing so, and it’s made infinitely worse by the fact that Jiyeon is sitting on top of Juyeon’s stomach the entire time.
“Unnie!”
“Let go and let me take off my shirt!” Jiyeon protests, wiggling her hips to disarm Juyeon.
It works, sorta, because she lifts her shirt another centimeter higher before Juyeon pulls it back down.
“No!”
“Yes!”
“I want to talk, not have sex–!”
“It’s not about sex!”
Juyeon hesitates, obviously perplexed by the entire situation, but Jiyeon is already running at full steam – too fast to slow down, too impatient to explain the situation. She uses the moment of hesitation to push off Juyeon’s arms and to throw her shirt to the side.
The article goes crumpling to the ground, haphazardly discarded.
Jiyeon takes one of Juyeon’s hands and places it on her back, right where the mark is.
“Unnie, I can’t do this with you–”
Jiyeon shuts her up by blurting: “I’m in love with you!”
Juyeon freezes. Only her eyes move, darting to examine every visible patch of skin
“But… you don’t have my mark?”
Jiyeon presses Juyeon’s hand harder against her back.
“It’s here.”
Juyeon scrambles into a sitting position, one that has Jiyeon sliding from her stomach onto her lap. She’s staring at Jiyeon with such obvious disbelief – her jaw drops open, eyes rounding as her eyebrows lift high. It’s the cutest thing she’s ever fucking seen and Jiyeon has to physically stop herself from kissing Juyeon right there and then.
“Can… Can I see?”
Jiyeon turns around.
Juyeon is silent the entire time.
Jiyeon tenses for a moment until she slips back into the warmth of Juyeon’s touch – she had sorely missed the familiarity of Juyeon’s hands, of her skin pressed against her own.
She can feel the tremble in Juyeon’s hands as the girl gently touches the diamond. Her fingers trace its many lines, going over the pattern once, twice, just to confirm it’s real.
Jiyeon sits nervously, growing more anxious the longer Juyeon keeps quiet.
Then she feels the first of many warm droplets against her back.
Juyeon is shaking harder, but now the deep inhales are accompanied by staccato breaths.
Jiyeon turns, immediately sweeping the girl into her embrace as she presses a gentle kiss against Juyeon’s tear-stained cheeks.
“I love you.”
Juyeon looks up at her with large watery eyes and a trembling lower lip. Jiyeon doesn’t mean to giggle, but Juyeon looks so adorable crying it’s impossible not to.
“Unnie,” Juyeon whines, pouting as she pulls Jiyeon close. One hand is pressed against the back of her hand while the other remains on the diamond on Jiyeon’s back, refusing to ever let go. “Unnie, I missed you.”
Jiyeon feels her own tears form at the edge of her eyes. She swallows thickly, poorly attempting to choke back her own tears as Juyeon openly sobs in her arms.
“I missed you too.”
\\
They have a lot to talk about, but the first thing Jiyeon wants more than anything else is Juyeon’s lips on her own.
The pattern is achingly familiar.
However, the addition of tears, hiccups, and the weight of words both said and unsaid pushes them off the familiar path and into uncharted territory – of something more expansive and vivid than any of their previous moments together. Juyeon repeatedly whispers “I love you" into Jiyeon’s ear the entire time and Jiyeon feels like she’s floating in air for more reasons than one.
Juyeon pays special attention to her back this time, kissing her up and down the spine. She spends a long time at her newly formed mark, admiring it so earnestly that it makes Jiyeon blush.
“Stop it, that’s embarrassing,” Jiyeon whines.
Juyeon just responds by laughing.
Jiyeon, in retaliation, colors in her flower mark on Juyeon’s hips, filling its petals with her own bright red spots.
\\
A month passes before Jiyeon gets accustomed to their new rhythm.
The weather is getting warmer so she switches from wearing jackets and long sleeves in favor of crop tops and dresses. (And it’s definitely not because Juyeon looks so happy and pleased whenever she sees her diamond peeking through from beneath Jiyeon’s clothes.)
“Gross,” Hyunjung says when Jiyeon recounts the details of the explosive confession to her. Her face is scrunched into a look of disgust, but Jiyeon takes it with stride. Sojung, too, gives her the same reception, grumbling “ew” at the end of Jiyeon’s account.
God, she loves her friends.
Even Luda sends her a text sometime later, saying she heard about it from Juyeon. It’s a simple congratulations with not much else but Jiyeon appreciates the gesture.
“What are you looking at?” Juyeon asks from across the table.
“You.”
They’re studying together for finals together, or rather, they’re trying to study because Jiyeon keeps getting distracted every three seconds to do literally anything else than write her essay.
Jiyeon turns off her phone and slides it into her pocket.
“Liar, you were busy texting.”
Jiyeon grins, doing her little nose scrunch that she knows Juyeon likes.
Juyeon tries to keep her scowl but it quickly fades into a good-natured roll of her eyes. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”
“I know.”
Jiyeon takes a moment to try and convince Juyeon to smile.
And Juyeon does, brightly.
Jiyeon thinks she’s beautiful, shining with the radiance of a glistening diamond.
And she knows, irrefutably, indisputably, and undeniably that Juyeon feels the same.