Work Text:
Tim stared at his reflection in the full length mirror, always shocked at how well he managed to fix his eyeliner and mascara. While other aspects of his make-up had required lessons from his various gal friends, his eye makeup skills were apparently all innate talent. The wig was a rich hazel brown and went just passes hid shoulders, and he’d styled it to perfection. The red blouse had been another deliberate choice, tailored perfectly to conform to Tim’s own proportions, but with enough give in the chest that the fake breasts would look draw the eye without seeming unnatural. The slate pencil skirt was actually Steph’s recommendation, and he owed her a drink for it, as it brought the outfit together. He’d opted for two-inch, sensible heels, because as much as Tim might had been put through the ringer by the ladies to walk in stilettoes, Caroline Hill preferred a sensible and comfortable heel. All in all, Caroline was ready for her stake out, and maybe a steak while she was out.
“Tim…just…wow.” came a gobsmacked voice from the doorway. Tim looked to see Bernard in an obscenely well-tailored charcoal suit with a black turtleneck, practically drooling at Tim. Tim had to fight back a flush as he felt Bernard’s eyes raking over him, undressing Tim as he went.
“So, I take it I look presentable then?” Tim asked, nervously twisting as a strand of hazel hair.
“Tim…honestly if this wasn’t a case you’d been fixated on, I’d be tempted to say let’s just skip the whole thing and take this to the bedroom.” Bernard answered.
“Sir! I’ll have you know that I am a good Christian woman.” Tim gasped offended.
“Good to know.” Bernard leered with a sly smirk, “I’m also a good Christian, I’m very happy to get on my knees for Jesus.”
Tim snorted into laughter, trying very hard not to smudge his work.
“Babe, that was terrible, please no more jokes like that while we’re on the stake out.”
“I’m serious though Tim!” Bernard protested as Tim picked up his clutch bag for the evening, Bernard meanwhile rested his hands on his hips. “It’s his V! It’s so well defined!”
“Bern, seriously…you need help.” Caroline laughed as she linked her arm through into Bernard’s.
“Please Ms. Hill, you try saying no to those cum-gutters.”
“You know I could just ask Kon to help with this right?” she threatened.
“You wound me babe. Kon’s as subtle as a brick.”
The restaurant wasn’t the most exclusive in Gotham, but Myotis had made headlines for its innovative takes on classical dishes while also incorporating some examples of fusion cuisine. Tim had meant to bring Bernard here on a date a few times while they’d been together, but alas a vigilante slash executive’s timetable was often hectic and this places often didn’t have availability at the last minute. It was actually a surprise that Tim had managed to land a table without name dropping, though he supposed hacking the booking system may have been a touch underhanded. But he needed to observe Mallory in this setting. The Antiques Consultant seemed to have a lot of business meals at high end venues, and seemed to have just too good a bank account for anyone working in an above board antiques consultancy. Tim suspected the Black Market. And if Mallory just so happened to be eating at a restaurant that he wanted to take Bernard too? Well, two birds and one stone came to mind.
The Uber pulled up to the restaurant and Bernard, bless him, played into the role of the dashing date and opened the door for Caroline, and offered an arm to help her step out of the car. Tim picked them good it seemed. For this area of the Diamond Quarter it wasn’t uncommon to have a few celebrity spotters out, but Tim was quite happy that no one would recognise him when he was sporting what he thought was perhaps one of his best aliases.
Stepping into the foyer, Caroline Hill and Bernard Dowd waited for the Maitre d’Hotel to greet them and escort them to their table. Both had been offered a glass of champagne as they entered, and though neither were over twenty-one, this was Gotham. It shocked Tim how much he was enjoying being Caroline this evening, with Bernard standing over him and guiding him like a true gentleman. Tim was a bit put out that there was an ulterior motive to being here tonight. Maybe they could do this another time though, without the stake out, but maybe with more make out. Tim bet that Bernard would look fantastic wrecked and streaked with lipstick kiss marks over his cheeks and neck. Huh, seemed Tim had a kink he wasn’t aware of before.
Tim was too caught up in their own musings to notice the sneaky phone shot of the couple by a passing busboy as they made their way into the restaurant proper. But that was a problem for later, as Caroline Hill and Bernard Dowd were seated at a table with an almost unobstructed view of Mallory, and a menu to die for.
Dick Grayson leant against his motorbike in the Bat Cave, casually scrolling through his phone. It was one of the rare nights off for him, but with Babs helping Bruce out with case logistics and Damian away on a field trip with his school, Dick found himself without much to do. With Wally currently navigating a relationship with Linda and Hartley, he didn’t have time to spare for Dick. Donna was off world with Kyle and Garth, while Roy had taken Lian on a hiking trip near the Reserve he’d grown up on. And so: Dick was bored and with nothing better to do than laze around the Cave while Babs and Bruce discussed some case about a dodgy antiques dealer, which was lame.
Dick casually opened Twitter up and began to scroll the trending in Gotham tab. It was all rather quiet this evening, which made sense for a Wednesday he supposed but at the same time he wanted something to keep him entertained.
About eleven or twelve hashtags down Dick noticed something that drew his eye: #timdrakebf. Dick’s eyebrows knitted together as he wondered why Tim would be trending, he’d not hidden that he had a boyfriend for months and generally Gothamites has been proud of him. So why was this trending? Dick clicked on the hashtag.
BoredGothamBoy tweeted:
OMG @dothebuttsmatch jst wlked in 2 wrk w/ wmn + hvng rmntic meal!!1! Cnt blv hes cheeting on #timdrakebf!!! 20:12
Dick was taken aback and looked at the sneakily taken phone photo and yup that was Bernard with his arm around the waist of an absolutely gorgeous woman who was definitely not his brother. Dick saw red. How dare that little cheater, cheat most cheatingly on Tim?!
A few other retweets and comments had chipped in with what they thought of the situation, and rightly many were tearing Bernard a new one. Apparently a few celeb spotters had seen the guy earlier getting out of an uber with her. But where were they?
ParkRowHoe tweeted:
That’s Myotis! Who’s this bitch, that @dothebuttsmatch thinks they can cheat on @T_DrakeWayne with?! #timdrakebf #yeetthecheat 20:15
Dick agreed, Tim should yeet this cheat. God this was going to wreck Tim. He’d been so happy with Bernard for over a year and the scum just goes and does this?
The sound of an approaching motorbike drew Dick’s attention as he saw Jason pull up, in his own civvies too. Must have been bored as well without Roy and Lian around to keep him busy. Suddenly, the cogs in Dick’s mind began to whirl and click into gear. Jason and Dick had never given Bernard the shovel talk, had they? Maybe it was time to rectify that.
Dick smiled wickedly and stalked over to Jason before he could even take his helmet off.
“Littlewing.” Dick whispered conspiratorially, “Need your help with a little mission.”
“What mission Dick? Especially what mission that involves civvies and not a glock?” Jason asked.
Dick smiled evilly and showed the twitter feed to Jay, who rolled his eyes before reading and scrolling through a few tweets. As he went through more of them, his expression became murderous.
“Little prick thinks he can cheat on Tim does he?” Jason seethed, “Traumatising the kid is my job.”
“Right? And so brazen about it too.” Dick agreed.
“I do have my guns on me. Could make sure he doesn’t ever get a woman knocked up again?”
“Let’s not go that far” Dick cautioned, putting his phone back in his pocket. “But we never did give him a shovel talk.” He grinned.
“Are you saying crash the restaurant?”
“Yep.”
“Are you saying cause a scene?”
“Mhm.”
“Are you saying ice cream from Giovanni’s?”
“Yea…wait what? Umm…on the way back after we scare the little punk, big brothers style.” Dick confirmed.
“Get on your bike then Dickwing, there’s mint choc chip with my name waiting for me.”
Neither Bruce nor Barbara batted an eye as the two left the cave, speeding away on their bikes, too engrossed in discussions of Mallory’s international transactions, contacts and accounts. They really had to commend Tim’s make up skills and Bernard’s acting skills for agreeing to go ahead with this undercover mission. They’d even kept it quiet from the other boys as Jason and Damian would likely mock Tim for the disguise. And right now, Barbara did not want to deal with idiot boys. Sadly, she’d have to later.
The starters and mains had been divine, and Tim hated to admit it, but Bernard had played his part so well this evening. He’d not slipped up once and had also been keeping tabs on Mallory, using the contacts Bruce had given them to record any interactions the man had. And between him and Tim, they’d gotten good angles between powdering nose trips and the general course of the evening.
Tim knew he’d probably get a lecture from Bruce later about the fact the two were drinking wine while on the mission, but they were committed to the role of excited grad students on a night out, and damn it, Tim had heard amazing things about the Malbec paired with the chocolate fondant and he was an adult damn it!
“You okay there Car? You seem lost in thought there for a moment?” Bernard asked as he refilled her glass, giving her a small and precious smile.
“I’m okay, just thinking about how much I’ve been looking forward to this chocolate fondant.” Caroline replied, giving the young man a smile of her own. For once, the mission was not Tim’s main focus as his peripheral vision faded away, and all there was was Bernard, and his wonderful, perfect smile.
“I told you that you’d been bingeing too much Masterchef: you’re always obsessed with the chocolate fondant.” Bernard laughed.
Caroline for her part laughed at the accusation, because it was true: Tim always drooled when the dessert was a chocolate fondant, even when the contestants messed it up. So caught up in her revelry, Caroline failed to notice the two figures that had come to stand behind Bernard.
“Oh, is that right? You’ve been bingeing Masterchef?” a familiar voice dripped with utter scorn, as Caroline looked up to see Dick furious. His eyes burning with rage towards Bernard. For a moment Tim was just stunned at what was happening, why were Dick and Jason here? Had something gone wrong and an emergency evac been ordered that Babs hadn’t told him about?
Tim had no chance to respond as Dick spun Bernard’s chair around so the blond was directly facing Tim’s older brother. Bernard, in fairness managed to affect not being flustered or thrown off at all.
“Good evening Richard. Jason. Are you here to try the chocolate fondant too? I’ve heard it pairs amazingly with a Malbec.” Bernard said casually, not breaking eye contact with Dick.
Tim frantically scanned the room, as he noticed other tables had all stopped their own meals and were staring, and some recording. Fuck.
“Maybe Bernie. But it looks like you’re here to sample something else tonight.” Dick bit out.
Yep that was a gasp in the background, just great. Tim rolled his eyes and took a frustrated swig of his wine, scowling into it.
Jason for his part had yet to speak, and instead looked Bernard’s guest up and down as they drank their wine and scowled. And something clicked into place.
Tim could pinpoint the exact moment that Jason pegged that it was Tim under the disguise, it was the initial dance of his eyebrows before the right one rose in what Tim translated as impressed. The fact that Jay’s expression turned to one of amusement after, meant that Tim was unlikely to have an ally in this. Jason was quite content to watch it all burn it seemed. Bernard too caught the small interaction and quickly surmised that Jason had realised while Dick hadn’t. Bernard’s eyes steeled ever so slightly, and Tim knew that his boyfriend was pissed off now at Dick’s accusations, given that they were honest ones.
“I’m afraid I’m not sure at quite what you’re intimating Richard?” Bernard said, brows knitting in confusion, but just the slightest uptick at the edge of his mouth.
“Oh I think you do, Bernard. I think you’re looking to intimate quite a bit.” Dick looked evil with anger, shoulders shaking. “You’re here, cheating on my little brother with this…this…”
Oh god, don’t say it. Tim prayed.
“This hussy.”
Jason winced behind Dick, and Tim too had to bite back a similar reaction, knowing that Babs was going to tear Dick a new one later. Instead, he did what Caroline would, he took in a deep gasp of shock and offence.
“I’d prefer it, Richard, if you would stop being a dick, and not call my friend a hussy.”
Dick didn’t take kindly to the name joke, and without missing a beat picked up the jug of crystal clear water and upended it over Bernard’s head. Many loud gasps filled the room and the fake click of several phone cameras shuttered and snapped the scene.
Bernard took a moment to be shocked, before composing himself and stood up, pulling his jacket tight and doing the button up. He extended a hand out to Caroline.
“Shall we Caroline? It seems I need a change of clothes.”
Caroline stood up and delicately picked up her clutch bag before closing her hand in Bernard’s outstretched one.
“It seems you do Bernie, I’m sure Tim won’t mind lending you a new suit when we see him tomorrow for brunch.”
“Wait…what?” that seemed to shock Dick out of his rage.
“Oh right, didn’t Tim tell you that he was meant to be here tonight but couldn’t due to a last minute work event?” Bernard quipped at Dick, smirking and seeming the victor even while drenched.
Caroline Hill came around the table to face Dick Grayson, who only after truly looking at the young woman seemed to focus on her eyes before taking a shocked breath in.
Only to have it knocked out of him as he was slapped loudly across the face.
“I’d heard that you were meant to be a gentleman Mr Grayson. Seems I’d heard incorrectly.”
And without a backwards glance, Caroline Hill and Bernard Dowd left Myotis, leaving behind a thoroughly amused Jason and a shocked and increasingly worried Dick.
Bernard had barely gotten into the apartment before Tim pounced on him and forced his back against the nearest wall and hungrily devoured his mouth. Moaning into the kiss, Bernard tasted the wine, and smelled the perfume Tim had chosen earlier that night, a heady elixir of sensuality that had Bernard desperate for more.
“You were so hot there Bern…god the way you stared Dick down and didn’t flinch.” Tim whispered as he came up for breath before kissing down Bernard’s neck.
“Fuck Tim, I can’t think straight right now…” Bernard tried as his back arched up the wall from Tim’s ministrations. “Don’t stop…fuck never stop doing that.”
“Bed?” Tim asked.
Bernard could only nod.
Tim began to drag him towards their bed and went to take the wig off, only for Bernard to stop him. “Keep it on while you wreck me love.”
Tim’s pupils were blown wide as he threw Bernard on the bed.
Bernard’s recording set up wasn’t half bad for a non-professional one, and he was proud of it, even despite Tim’s offers to upgrade it all for him. It was his and it worked. The ring light was ready and the recording software all set up and just awaiting the click from the remote in his hand. Tim and he had done their make up to look their best on the video and sat together.
Bernard clicked record.
“Hey everyone so this is Bernard here with my boyfriend, the ever elusive Tim!” Bernard smiled, and pecked Tim on the cheek.
“Hey everyone!” Tim smiled at the camera.
“So apparently there’s been a bit of twitter drama over the last twelve hours that sadly we can’t ignore and Tim and I wanted to address. Yeah we’re talking hashtag Tim Drake BF or as it got called later in the evening GraysonGate. Which, we really need something new for scandals instead of just fixing Gate on the end.” Bernard said into the camera.
“Yeah, so it seems that Bernie…”
“Hate that nickname Timbo.”
“Shush you.” Tim scolded with a smile before looking back at the camera, “Bernard and our friend Caroline went out for food at Myotis last night, as it was one of the few times she was in State and we all wanted to meet up.”
“Mhm.” Bernard confirmed and nodded.
“Now, unfortunately, I got caught late with work deadlines and had to duck out of our dinner reservation at Myotis, which sucks because I’ve been dying to try their chocolate fondants.”
“He literally whispers about it in his dreams, can confirm.” Bernard nodded.
“That was never proven in a court of law. Anyway, I told Bernard and Caroline to go anyway, and it seems that someone took a photo of them and then went onto Twitter making false and frankly libellous statements. It turns out then that my elder brother saw these tweets and rather than checking with me, or trusting my boyfriend, decided to take matters into his own hands and frankly made an idiot of himself.”
“Also means that I didn’t get to try the fondant sorry babe.” Bernard chipped in.
“That’s alright, we’ll try and go another time. Either way I just want to put this out there: Bernard hasn’t cheated, I love him, and I trust him and Caroline with my life. That’s all I’m going to say on this frankly ridiculous matter.”
“Cheers babe, love you and trust you too.” Bernard said before kissing Tim quickly on the lips.
“Cool, right I am going to go and leave you to the rest of your video.” Tim said, getting up and leaving the room, closing the door softly on his way out.
Bernard smiled and turned back to the camera.
“Okay so with that out of the way, welcome back to ‘Do the Butts Match?’ I’m your host Bernard, and on today’s episode we’re going to take a deep dive into the truth about Nightwing, and why he’s actually the secret child of Plastic Man and Swamp Thing…”
Twenty minutes and two cups of coffee later, Tim hears his boyfriend leave the recording room and is taken aback to see him look forlorn.
“What’s wrong Bern?” Tim asked.
“We’re going to have to redo the whole video.” Bernard lamented.
“Why?”
“Well, Caroline’s wig was on the shelf and you missed the rather impressive hickey that occasionally peaked up from under your collar.”
“Damn it.” Tim complained.