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“…I’m gonna do it.”
“Sir, I think this is childish.”
“Don’t listen to her, Boss! It’s an unspoken rule that you gotta follow. Chief should have known better!”
“It is? I don’t remember reading a rule like that…”
“Falman, it’s not an actual rule. Havoc is just joking.”
“I wish he wasn’t. I can’t watch this, you guys—the kid’s gonna kill us…”
Six military officers crowded around the couch in Colonel Roy Mustang’s office, bickering as a seventh softly snoozed away, blissfully unaware of the quiet debate happening around him. Speaking of which, the usually-formidable boy was curled up like a harmless small animal on the plush sofa sitting against the wall, opposite of the Colonel’s desk. It was a strange sight.
It all started earlier.
The building had been filled with the casual, easygoing atmosphere of a warm Friday evening. All work had been completed for the day, including the ever-elusive report from the Fullmetal Alchemist. However, somewhere between giving his report and preparing to leave the room, the kid had zoned out while sitting on the couch.
Over the course of a few minutes, sitting became a half-lidded slouch, which then transitioned into the adorable position of being curled up like some sort of kitten.
Which led up to now.
Roy Mustang was crouched down to Edward Elric’s level, a conflicted look in his eyes as he held an uncapped black marker up in the air only a few inches away from the boy’s face.
“I want to do it so bad,” he whispered urgently, his clenched fist shaking in desperation.
“Then do it! C’mon!” Havoc cheered on.
Roy just glared, hand still hovering indecisively.
“You know, it’s kind of adorable how much you’re hesitating. Ed wouldn’t give it a second thought if the positions were flipped,” Breda remarked.
“Which is exactly why I think you should let loose, Boss,” Havoc added.
“I’m staying out of this…” Fuery surrendered.
“Sir,” Hawkeye said, her tone dripping with unamused warning. “Let him sleep. He clearly needs it.”
“I’m not gonna wake him,” Roy reassured, before a smug glint formed in his eye. “I have steady hands, Lieutenant. You should know that.”
To the rest of the team’s shock, Riza only rolled her eyes. Had Roy made a comment like that without his paperwork already done, the woman surely would’ve unloaded her sidearm into his temple.
“Children, all of you,” the woman shook her head.
Havoc snickered. “That wasn’t a no, Boss. I think you should do it.”
“Okay okay, shhhh!” Roy slowly inched the marker closer to the boy’s bare skin, brainstorming where and how he should begin.
Fullmetal was breathing gently as he slept, his golden hair braided back behind his head and revealing his young face like an eager canvas. It was so tempting.
“Are you really gonna draw phallic symbols on a underaged subordinate's face, Sir?” Falman whispered warily.
Roy dropped the marker.
“Falman!” Breda hissed in exasperation, facepalming. “Don’t say it like that, you're making it sound so creepy! There’s other types of graffiti you know!”
“Sorry.”
Roy huffed, picking the marker back up, before he flicked his eyes to the corner of the room where a familiar suit of armor was standing silently, reading a book. The younger Elric brother hadn’t said a word, despite being present the entire time.
“You’re not gonna stop me?” the man asked incredulously.
Alphonse looked up with a noticeable glimmer of surprise from his soul-fire irises. “I’m his brother, Colonel. If I were in your shoes, he’d already be covered head to toe in ink.” The armored boy giggled as he closed his book, before gently setting it on the floor. “However,” his tone suddenly dripped with warning.
Roy swallowed instinctively.
“—Brother hasn’t been sleeping very well lately. I knew it would only be a matter of time before he crashed, and considering how safe he feels here, I’m not surprised that he drifted off in your office,” Al explained, nonchalantly dousing Roy’s heart with ice water. “If you take advantage of his willing vulnerability for a completely harmless prank, I’m totally fine with that. But if you wake him up, I’ll kill you,” the young boy finished casually.
The threat was abrupt and unexpected from the usually sweet younger Elric brother, but at the same time, every soul in the room believed it without a doubt. Breda even let out a low whistle at the room’s tone shift.
“…Okay, maybe you can do something else. Something less…risky?” Havoc laughed nervously, still side-eying Al.
“I agree,” Falman stated.
“Y-Yeah,” Fuery stammered nervously.
Breda exhaled through his nose in amusement, and Hawkeye raised her eyebrow in a way that echoed “you think?”.
Roy sighed, lowering the marker with defeat. He didn’t feel like being murdered by one Elric brother, let alone both.
“Fine. I’ll think of something else.” The man capped the writing utensil and handed it to Riza, who put it back on his desk without a word.
“So now what?” Havoc asked.
Roy thought for a moment, before looking back to the younger Elric. “Hey, Alphonse?”
“Hmm?” The armor looked at him.
“How much longer will your brother be asleep, do you think?” He needed to know what kind of options were on the table.
“Oh! Unless he’s having a nightmare, Brother sleeps like a rock. He probably won’t wake up until morning,” Al responded.
“Are you serious?” Roy asked, before scratching his head. “Wait. Why shouldn’t I draw on his face again?”
“Because if you wake him up, I’ll kill you?” The boy reminded gently, making everyone shiver a second time.
Mustang was remarkably unfazed. “But you just said he sleeps like a rock?”
Al twiddled his giant leather fingers. “Well yeah, but at the same time, it’s like he can smell malicious intent. He just knows.”
“Of course he does,” Roy muttered, sighing before turning to his subordinates. “Any ideas, team? Preferably an idea that won’t unleash a hellish counter-attack from the Elric duo? I’m all ears.”
“Leaving him alone?” Hawkeye said dryly.
“Covering him in paper?” Falman said, scratching his chin.
“Taking a p-picture?” Fuery peeped, appearing guilty just for contributing.
“Putting his hand in a cup of warm water?” Breda joked, before the sound of a cocking gun behind his ear made him go stone faced.
“Maybe you can have Alphonse move him into a funny position?” Havoc suggested, unsure of himself.
Roy felt a frustrated groan start to crawl up his throat before a specific thought came to his mind, and he let out a muted gasp instead. “Actually, I might have an idea,” he said, pointing a finger up in a “hold on” motion.
Mustang excitedly rushed over to his desk, grabbing some fresh paper and his marker. With his signature steady hands, he pressed the inky tip to the surface, scrawling a message large and clear:
“Roy Mustang is the best commanding officer in the whole world!”
—Edward Elric, The Fullmetal Alchemist
Smirking deviously, the Colonel took the paper and carefully placed it against Fullmetal’s ribs. Then, to his shock, the kid seemed to unconsciously notice the paper and pulled it closer, snuggling it to his chest.
Everyone froze.
“Oh, isn’t this just perfect,” Roy cooed. He was grinning like an evil scientist marveling as his newest diabolical creation—except his “creation” was a sleeping teenager in the perfect position for a blackmail photo.
Rubbing his hands together in a manner that should have caused dramatic lightning to shake the building, Roy went back to picking through his desk drawers before pulling out a device he never thought he’d use. It was a gift from Hughes—a Polaroid camera.
“For when you finally get yourself a family!” Hughes had cheered happily.
Roy didn’t think about that remark too deeply as he eagerly lifted the camera up to his face, focused on his oblivious subordinate, and activated the device.
A soft click was heard.
As the photo was slowly printed out by the camera, Roy wondered if this is what Hughes had felt like during Elicia’s birth. It was the creation of something amazing—but this might be even better than a new life being born, if he was being honest.
Cradling the photo in his palms like he was holding the world’s most delicate piece of glass, Mustang carefully handed the photo over to Hawkeye. “Lieutenant, I want multiple copies of this made, and then returned back to me immediately,” he ordered.
Riza gave him an unamused look, but saluted with a “Sir!” as usual. Then, she spun on her heel and walked out of the office.
The door softly shut behind her as the woman left. Ed remained oblivious to it all, still snoozing.
“What now?” Havoc asked, raising his eyebrow at Roy. The others all turned to him as well.
The man just grinned, bringing the camera back up to his face. “Now, I take five more photos just in case she destroys that one.”
“—Um, Colonel?” Alphonse interrupted.
He pulled the camera back down with a nervous look. “…Yes?”
“What if you had someone else take the picture of Ed, as you posed behind him?” the boy suggested.
Everyone hesitated as Roy’s lips peeled back into a horrifyingly evil expression.
“Alphonse, I’m glad your brother is asleep right now, because I must say, you are definitely the smarter Elric.”
The suit of armor giggled at the compliment. “Thank you, Sir.” He paused, “I do have a request, though.”
“And that is…?”
“Can I be the one to take it? Please?” the boy asked eagerly.
Roy laughed at the simple question. “Of course, Al.” He handed the camera over. Alphonse excitedly grabbed it, and Roy quickly got into position.
The Colonel carefully moved behind the couch, leaning his weight against the back of it as he flashed a cunning smile right above Ed’s slumbering form. “Ready!” he whispered.
“Say milk~!” Alphonse said, before taking the picture.
A few minutes later, the whole team was cooing over the assortment of pictures displayed on the Colonel’s desk.
“I must say, this is the highlight of my career,” Roy said proudly.
Breda rolled his eyes, and Havoc laughed.
Alphonse hummed, looking at all the photos. One in particular stood out to him, and he picked it up. It wasn’t much different from the others, but there was a small detail that made him want to keep it.
In this picture, as Roy leaned in from above with a smug yet genuine smirk, Ed had the faintest sleepy smile on his face.
“Can I keep this one?” Al asked.
Roy’s eyes widened in surprise before closing with a soft grin. “Of course you can, kiddo. Consider it a thank you.”
Alphonse’s helmet would have flushed if it were possible, as he happily slid the photo between the pages of the book he had discarded onto the floor earlier. “Thanks, Colonel.”
The man hummed happily, before scooping up the rest of the photos on the desk and putting them away for safekeeping.
“Aw, man! I wanted one!” Havoc whined.
“Get your own blackmail, Jean. These are mine,” Mustang announced.
As soon as the Lieutenant opened his lips to defend himself, the door to the office opened up to reveal the return of Hawkeye.
Riza looked around at the remaining officers with a slightly surprised expression, eyebrows raised up the tiniest bit from their usual angle, as the whites of her eyes flashed for a millisecond. “Work hours are over,” she said slowly. ‘Why the hell haven’t you all rushed as far away from the office as soon as you were allowed?’ was the unspoken question, hanging in the air.
“We were discussing Fullmetal’s transportation arrangements,” Roy lied smoothly. “Seeing as waking him is clearly out of the question.”
Irises the color of warm honey erratically burned through every inch of Roy’s face, searching desperately to examine how much of his statement was true, and how much was not.
“Uh, Sir?” Feury called, pulling everyone’s attention his way. They all followed the trail of Kain’s questioning finger before taking notice of Ed.
Edward’s body was scrunched tightly on the couch, his brow clearly furrowed in a twist of dismay, discomfort, and fear. His automail twitched and clenched reflexively, and a few beads of sweat seemed to be forming on his forehead.
“Not again…” Alphonse whined, quickly moving closer.
“What’s the matter?” Roy asked, wary of Alphonse’s dreadful tone.
Al just shook his head. “This keeps happening—one minute he’s sleeping fine, then he starts to look uncomfortable, and then before you know it, he wakes up screaming. I’m sorry. He was actually sleeping well for a while this time, too…” the boy mourned.
As if nobody was around, Al crouched down and tenderly placed his thick leather hand in Ed’s hair. “Come on, Brother. You’re alright, I promise…” he whispered urgently.
Ed’s eyes darted behind closed lids as the boy let out a shaky breath from his nose. He didn’t seem any less uncomfortable or stressed than before.
Roy found himself frowning at the display in front of him. These boys could never catch a break, it seemed. Sure, he loved to mess with Fullmetal, maybe even purposefully piss him off a bit from time to time, but he didn’t like to see the boy in genuine unguarded distress. It felt wrong, like he was suddenly seeing something personal without permission.
“…Can I try?” Roy asked Al.
Everyone looked at him like he was a lunatic, but he paid it no mind. Sure, the kid seemed to hate him sometimes, but it was worth a shot, right?
Striding towards the couch with confidence, Mustang knelt down to Edward’s level. “Fullmetal,” he declared strongly, but soft. “You’re safe here.”
Ed’s eye twitched again, but his face relaxed the slightest bit. It was progress.
“—You’d think I’d let anything happen to you while you’re asleep in my office, shorty?” Roy teased, sneaking a hand into the boy’s hair and giving it a light ruffle.
The team practically choked at his further attempt to soothe the sleeping alchemist, especially Havoc, who’s panic-stricken expression was screaming ‘Too far! Too far!’
Miraculously though, it worked.
Against all predictable odds, the tension in Ed’s face slowly drained, ebbing away along with the stiffness of his form. His bottom lip was released from the heavy burden of his upper teeth as the teen let out a humming breath, nuzzling deeper into the couch with a sigh. Roy’s written note crinkled slightly at the shift.
Mustang found himself fighting (and losing) against the warm smile that wanted to worm its way onto his face.
Everyone else’s jaws were on the floor, save for Hawkeye and Alphonse.
“A certain Lieutenant Colonel would be bothering the hell out of me if he saw that,” Roy chuckled. “I don’t even wanna know what Fullmetal is thinking in his dreams after hearing that, either.”
“I don’t know, Boss. He seems pretty content to me,” Havoc remarked.
Indeed he did. The kid was out like a light.
Alphonse hummed thoughtfully. “He really does like you, you know. You make him feel safe. All of you do, honestly.”
The office underwent a peaceful silence as they thought over Al’s words.
“We’re glad,” Hawkeye spoke, her eyes warm.
“Don’t worry kid, It’s our job,” Mustang said simply. “How else am I supposed to rise through the ranks if I’m not good at it?”
“Not everyone is such a softy, Sir,” Riza said, her eyes sparkling with mischief.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lieutenant,” he scoffed nonchalantly, facing away from everyone so that they couldn’t see the smile that had wormed its way back onto his face. “Now go home, all of you. You’re dismissed.”
With sly looks on their faces, the team slowly filtered out of the room, waving their goodbyes as they departed, until the only remaining people were Hawkeye, Roy, and the Elric brothers.
“—What about Edward? Did you decide on his transportation arrangements?” Riza smirked.
“Yes. I will be…taking him to his dorm, of course.”
“And what method do you plan on using, Sir?”
“I plan to walk the boys to their residence building, since it’s so late.”
“Walking?” Riza repeated, before gesturing towards the couch where Ed slept.
“Well, I, uh…” Shit.
“Oh well, I’m sure you have it figured out,” she said nicely, with a sarcasm only he could recognize. “Goodnight, boys.”
“Goodnight, Lieutenant Hawkeye!” Al waved.
“Yeah. Goodnight,” he said dryly.
And then there were three.
Alphonse grabbed his book and tossed it inside Ed’s forgotten suitcase by the door, which he then picked up with practiced ease. Then, without a second thought, Al almost went to scoop up Ed into his arms as well, before remembering that one of his hands was already occupied.
“—I can take that, Al,” Roy said, quickly rushing in to take the suitcase off of Alphonse’s hands.
“Oh! Thank you, Sir. I appreciate it,” Al nodded.
“It’s no problem at all,” he reassured.
Al slowly slipped his giant metal arms under Ed’s arms and legs before elegantly maneuvering the boy around his back, avoiding the spikes, and settling him into a surprisingly comfortable looking piggy-back position. Ed paid no mind, letting himself be moved like a limp doll, sleepily nestling his face against the back of Al’s helmet.
Once Edward was situated, the younger Elric spun towards Roy with an open hand to accept the suitcase back.
The older man shook his head. “—I wasn’t lying, by the way. I’ll gladly walk you boys home, if you want.” I’ll make sure you're safe.
Al froze, as if shocked at the genuine offer. “Really?”
He shrugged. “Yeah, why not?”
“Well, people usually don’t—I mean…” Al flustered. “It’s just that…not that Ed would say it, but that means a lot to us,” he said, bowing his head.
The Colonel nodded with a polite smile, and the picture of Ed flashed in his mind, alongside Al’s previous words.
“He really does like you, you know. You make him feel safe.”
Roy looked at the Elrics with a proud grin. “Don’t worry about it, boys. The feeling is mutual.”