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Jinyoung heard footsteps, somehow sensing a feeling of rage contained in them, approaching his door. He tried not to give a damn, pretending not to be curious who was coming, but he couldn't help turning his head when the door opened with a loud bang.
It was Jaebeom, looking at him with eyes glistened with tears. Jinyoung was about to ask what happened, but the older had thrown himself on the bed. Stealing one of Jinyoung's pillows, he buried his head under it before letting out shaky sighs.
Ah, it's one of those days again , Jinyoung thought as he stood on his feet. Forget the assignment, they were still due next week anyway. Jaebeom was his priority right now and with this state of him, Jinyoung wasn't sure if the older could keep any longer to be comforted. So, he sat on the edge of Jaebeom's bed, softly placing his hand on his shoulder. Jinyoung didn't speak a single word. With just a hand on his shoulder, he knew Jaebeom had already heard him ask, "Why?" ever so softly through the touch. The tone that Jaebeom always loved.
It took quite some time to get Jaebeom to calm himself until the older finally got up into a sitting position, eyes puffy red and nose struggling to stop the snot. Jinyoung didn't move an inch, even though he knew they were unexpectedly too close. It was impossible not to have his heart skips a beat with the thoughts of inhaling Jaebeom’s scent or kissing his face at this distance. Jinyoung was trying to throw that feeling away. That was rude, he thought, and besides ….
“Mark said that she is already dating someone.”
Jaebeom had been crushing on his junior in Music Major.
It was the same girl he talks again. No matter how much Jaebeom brought it in every occasion he got, still it hurt Jinyoung. The girl’s name kept making a new wound on him over and over to the point sometimes, Jinyoung cried before sleep.
But that wasn’t the case right now.
He needed to act like the bestest best friend Jaebeom ever had. His own wound and feelings should be stowed away for a moment.
Jinyoung scooted closer. He knew well they weren’t the type who love skinship so much. But every time the older cried about his one-sided love, they made it an exceptional as those two understood that arranging words to comfort each other wasn’t enough and they were quite bad at it. Arms circled Jaebeom’s broad shoulders, bringing them to his chest. Jinyoung didn’t care if Jaebeom could hear his chest pounding loudly.
But, it somehow made Jaebeom’s breathing slowly stable. With soft caresses and thumb making small circles on his back, Jinyoung guessed that, maybe, his stupid feeling that was impulsively expressed through his heart could get Jaebeom comfortable.
“I don’t know what to do now.” Jaebeom sighed. “It will be hard to face her every day, especially when we’re in the same major.”
“Should I go with you too?” Jinyoung could feel Jaebeom slightly looking up at him, so he loosened his hug and met their gazes together. “I can take you to class and pick you up after you finish. So you won’t get the chance to see that girl.”
They both covered in silence for a minute before Jaebeom chuckled. “What are you? My mom?”
“If you think it that way, then I’ll take back my offer.” Jinyoung pouted as he stood up.
Jaebeom laughed as he wiped his remnant tears. Reaching for Jinyoung’s hand and pulling him in by his waist, Jaebeom said, “Okay, okay. I get it, don’t be sulky.”
The way the older’s arm on his waist did something to Jinyoung’s heart. He didn’t know if Jaebeom saw his face get redder or not because the one he could only feel was his face heated up.
“But, I have one favor.” Jaebeom gazed at him, almost pleadingly. In the usual situation, Jinyoung would act like throwing up with the man’s child-like behavior. It just doesn’t fit with his image, he thought. He almost did it, if the thought of seeing the man he loved sob wasn’t suddenly pop up in his head. “Please sleep with me tonight.”
“Are you that desperate and now decided to release it on me?”
“What do you mean, I won’t do anything!” Jaebeom removed his arm and quickly put some distance. A bit of rose tint filled the man’s cheeks prominently, making Jinyoung giggle.
The younger crawled up onto Jaebeom’s bed. As they set together under the duvet, it was Jinyoung’s turn to be hugged by the older. Strange, he thought. Jaebeom should be the one who gets hugged and being in comfort. But he didn’t want to sweat it anymore. If this was enough to make him better, then Jinyoung didn’t against it and hoped he could get to see the sunshine-like smile the next morning.
Turns out he doesn’t.
No matter how many times he makes sure his eyes. How many times he calls Jaebeom out. The said man is not showing. Even he can’t sense the man’s presence anymore.
Jinyoung is panicking. Throwing away the blanket, he stands and intends to go search for the man. But as his feet touch the floor, he realizes, there are no sun rays coming through the opened window. Instead, he’s welcomed by the darkness and moonlight as his company. He takes the advantage of the dim light to look back at his room. Indeed, there are two beds. But the one he was sleeping with doesn’t have the sheets on. And the things he has in the room are not as many as he remembers. It’s all his.
Oh , the sight strikes Jinyoung in realization. His eyes getting hot suddenly, feeling tears rolling down his face and chest being clenched so tight it’s hurt so much. Jinyoung can’t mutter any words. Just sobbing voice and Jaebeom’s name with incoherent pronunciation.
I’ve done it again . Jinyoung should have known. Every time the nights come again, Jinyoung stares at Jaebeom’s place where his traces are left. And unfortunately, that becomes his habit. Sparing his gaze again at Jaebeom’s bed with just the older’s blanket and pillows, Jinyoung’s throat can’t hold back anymore. What did I do? Tonight as well, I light up your light you left .
Regret comes washing through him like a wave. Memories flood his mind like a sudden time machine, reminiscing every moment, every conversation he had with Jaebeom. Especially the particular one, before they parted with each other because apparently, he found the older had finally engaged with the girl he’d been talking about. Jinyoung didn’t seek further explanations because his world had crumbled.
Engagement. One-sided love. Car crash.
It was the end for Jinyoung.
And the lovebirds must be having their time together now in heaven.
Jinyoung knew from the start. It’s impossible to make things last forever, like the open ending of a movie. But, from where did it go wrong, Jinyoung doesn’t even move a foot from the apartment. He’s still there, maintaining his remnant love for Jaebeom to not fade away like an old tape.