Archive of Our Own ^beta

Of all the foods in the world, the one Taehyun can one hundred percent say he hates the most is potato salad. There’s something about the way mayonnaise sticks to irregular pieces of potato making it look like junk that makes him loathe this particular dish. If he had to rate it on a scale of one to ten, he’d give it one minus for sheer petulance — and for the fact that this is Soobin’s favorite dish, which means the fridge is full of it for at least a week.

There’s a plastic plate filled to the brim of potato salad in Taehyun’s lap, smelling and looking incredibly unappetizing. He grimaces as he sticks the plastic fork in one of the solid potatoes, appetite disappearing completely while staring at it. He shakes his head, placing the plate beside him on the steps of the staircase, pretending to ignore the existence of all the potato salad in the house. Who looked at this hodgepodge and thought this would make a great party food?

It’s been almost three weeks since Taehyun moved to Seoul, thanks to an already expected divorce and a job offer his mother simply couldn’t refuse. Exactly in this order, as weird as it sounds. So here’s Kang Taehyun, living for free in his aunt’s home, sharing a bunk bed in his cousin’s room. Taehyun hasn’t seen his aunt since he was eight, barely remembering the woman’s face when he arrived at her house. It’s weird to live with family members he hasn’t seen in a long time, barely knows anything besides their name and relation.

To be quite honest, Taehyun would rather share the guest room with his mother than Soobin’s bunk bed. He likes to think that it’s some type of divine provation to live with Soobin in a room that sometimes looks like a dirty shoebox, things thrown on the floor and shelves full of trinkets. This is probably something that will teach him how to strengthen his nerves and teach him to have eternal patience. The thing is, Soobin isn’t bad — he is bad, but not in the way Taehyun says —, he just has a clashing personality compared to Taehyun’s. He simply can’t go a day without annoying Taehyun with bad jokes and calling him by nonsensical nicknames on a daily basis.

Faint sunbeams warmth is slowly fading, even if the sun is still pretty proud in the sky. The icy wind blowing through the open window sends shivers through the exposed skin of his arms, a reason for him to stand up and go away, but he doesn’t move an inch. Music is coming from the basement, Taehyun can listen from the place he’s seated, the same Michael Jackson record playing for the second time in a row on the player his aunt leaves there. Taehyun vaguely remembers Soobin saying it belonged to his father, which explains why it’s far from the woman’s eye range.

The first thing Taehyun discovered on his second day living in the Choi house is that the basement isn’t just a basement. It’s obviously packed with boxes and things Soobin’s mother doesn’t want to see or deal with, but in the midst of all that, is Soobin’s secret HQ. Just a codename for the place where he gets together with a few friends to play Dungeons & Dragons and listens to his cherished Michael Jackson records when his mother isn’t home. Overall, the place where you’ll find Soobin in his free time.

Taehyun wouldn’t say he’s bitter just because he particularly hates the things his cousin likes the most, it’s just a common clash of differences between two people. Taehyun thinks D&D is the most boring game in the world, doesn’t like Thriller all that much and avoids going into the basement as if the place is the plague. He made the terrible mistake of going inside once when he was still a newcomer in the house and he bitterly regrets it to this day. The whole place smells of sweat, moldy pepperoni pizza and hot Mountain Dew.

Today, Soobin is throwing a party. But the party is nothing like a party.

At least, not what Taehyun expected from a party. It’s just a small gathering with his friends to discuss D&D tactics, listen to the same damn album while drinking Cherry Coke — a drink strictly forbidden inside the house, but Taehyun uses his older cousin's privilege to buy it in order for a few hours without Soobin bothering him. He can casually hear the arguing and shouting between Soobin and his friends over the music loudly playing.

In these moments, no matter how much Taehyun likes to pretend, he sort of envies his cousin. The few friends he had are back in his hometown, talked with him in the first week but gradually stopped calling until the phone no longer rings for someone wanting to talk to him on the other side of the line. Taehyun just sighs and tells himself it doesn’t make much difference since he’s not coming back anytime soon. What’s the point of keeping old stuff with him? 

Of all his nineteen years living in his hometown, the only things Taehyun brought with him were his impeccable collection of The Spectacular Spider-man comics, stored in little plastic bags so they wouldn’t crumple on the trip (something that became the main target of Soobin calling him as nerd as if he isn’t one too); A t-shirt of an american basketball team that Taehyun has no idea what’s the name of and that he rarely wears, but it was a gift from his father before he filed for divorce (living proof his old man never cared enough to know that Taehyun likes soccer more than basketball); A mixtape with rock hits that he made for an old crush he used to have but never gave it to him because the boy made it very clear that he’d never be a faggot like him. Taehyun kept the mixtape for himself, never listened to it after doing it because he didn’t have a walkman, doubts he’d listen if he had one while knowing that those songs were for someone as shitty as his old crush.

All this stuffed into two old cardboard boxes that he found in one of the kitchen cupboards of his old house. To think that his entire childhood and teenage years fit into just two simple cardboard boxes should make Taehyun anguished and angry, but he can’t feel anything. Actually, he’s still not feeling anything while thinking about it. It’s like he’s numb to the feeling, at some points he even thinks his life before Seoul is just a memory slowly fading.

He doesn’t feel sad over moving to the hectic city. Despite some negative points that he already knew he’d face, his aunt treats him nice and Soobin sometimes is manageable. His aunt lets him eat whatever he wants and brings VHS movies almost every weekend, discards from the blockbuster she works at. There are positive points in moving to the city after all. There’s still no familiarity in this house and living together with people he’s slowly getting to know, but Taehyun no longer feels like an elephant in a room full of ants.

His new life is monotonous and boring, but it’s not bad. He has no idea what to do, but doesn’t let himself think about it all the time. In the meantime, Taehyun can do whatever he wants, spend all day by himself, leave and come back whenever he wants, spend all his time sitting on the porch or lying on the couch in the living room. It sounds boring and unproductive, but Taehyun couldn’t care less sometimes. If Soobin, who’s a year younger than him, can spend an entire afternoon holed up in the basement playing games, then Taehyun is determined to stay in the same place until he gets tired of it.

“Hey, we’re going to start a match in a few minutes, wanna play?” A girl asks, standing shyly near the door that leads to the basement. She’s wearing a black skirt with white polka dots and a red t-shirt; long, brown hair up in a high ponytail, swaying slightly every time she turns her head.

Taehyun doesn’t remember her name, but knows her face. She’s one of the only girls he has ever seen attend the weekly D&D meetings, always making a point of inviting Taehyun to join them. He vaguely remembers Soobin saying that this girl thinks he’s handsome between spoonfuls of microwave lasagna — they rarely eat anything fresh, since his aunt and mother work until late and they’re both too lazy to cook anything that isn’t getting ready in less than 15 minutes.

“D&D isn’t really my thing, y’know,” he replies, flashing a polite smile.

“Yeah, Soobs said that you’re not a big fan,” she giggles, fidgeting with her skirt. She looks down at her own feet, Taehyun noticing that she looks slightly sheepish upon hearing his answer, as if she was expecting him to stand up and accept the offer readily — “She thinks you’re cool, wants to play with you,” Soobin said between the mouthfuls of lasagna, ham and cream slightly falling from his mouth while he talked.

“I’m sure he didn’t say it like that,” Taehyun huffs a laugh, trying to improve the mood.

“If I remember correctly, he said you’re a virgin loser who’d rather spend all your time jerking off for Peter Parker,” the girl looks up at him, chuckling.

“Soobin is so funny when he tries really hard,” Taehyun sighs, he already expected his cousin would say something like this.

“He’s funny, but only sometimes,” she says, a smile tugging the corner of her lips. “But don’t tell him that, he’ll make way worse jokes.”

“My mouth is a grave,” he zips his mouth, winking at her.

The girl smiles, in that shy, girlish way that would probably make anyone fall at her feet at that moment. Before coming to the painful and totally difficult conclusion that he didn’t like girls in that way, Taehyun used to wonder if something was wrong with him for not being able to act dumb and embarrassing upon seeing girls act like Soobin’s friend is doing. Well, at least now Taehyun knows fully well that nothing’s wrong with him — even if several doctors around the world have strong arguments to prove otherwise.

“Are you sure you don’t want to play?” She tries once more, sounding hopeful.

“Better not,” he shakes his head, trying to sound apologetic. “But go out there, kick some dragons’ asses and throw people in the dungeons or whatever you guys do in that game.”

The girl lets out a soft laugh. “See you ‘round, oppa.”

Only when the girl is out of sight and probably at the end of the stairs leading down to the basement, Taehyun remembers her name. He remembers hearing one of Soobin’s phone calls with his friend, his cousin repeating the name while trying to help his friend muster the courage to confess. Choi Jisu, big dark hair, shy laughter and quiet voice, the only girl Soobin can talk to without embarrassing himself.

The only time Taehyun leaves the house is at night. In the old days, he used to walk around the neighborhood until he got lost and had to find a payphone to call his mother or aunt to come help him — on worst nights, he had to put up with Soobin laughing all the way back home. It’s an adventure of some sorts, walking aimlessly through Seoul streets, bright lights and people around him, such a contrast from the place he used to live before. Taehyun still doesn’t have a favorite place to go whenever he leaves his aunt's house with nothing but Converse in his feet and a few bucks his mother leaves for him every morning before going to work, but if he had to go to the same place over and over again, he’d probably choose the diner he found during one of his walks.

The diner place is large, a sort of American-themed thing with pink and blue neon lights meeting in long lines, the name sign always turned off. After the third night in a row going there, Taehyun found out that the owner, a position that changes almost yearly, didn’t have money for a new sign, so they kept the broken one. From a sincere point of view, the place is on the brink of bankruptcy. A themed diner that once was prestigious and famous, now left to rot with the same old clients and all the broken stuff left behind. It's junk, but Taehyun likes it.

He visits every night at nine, right before his aunt starts scolding Soobin for not doing his homework. The first night he stepped in, he was hoping the place would be crowded with people at this time, but it’s always empty. A few people scattered around here and there, never more than three or four customers. Not like Taehyun is complaining about it, the lack of people gives him a free pass to the jukebox — one of the only reasons he goes to that monotonous place instead of staying on the couch watching reruns. The machine isn’t new per se, but it has all the genres and music Taehyun likes.

Unlike the usual silence echoing in the large space, there’s music playing in the diner tonight. Everybody Wants to Rule the World fills the lonely place. Beomgyu, the waiter that Taehyun only discovered the name after his fourth consecutive night visiting since Beomgyu apparently hates wearing a nametag — “You think I want people knowing I work in this big junk? Hell no!” He said the same night Taehyun asked for his name. He’s behind the large counter, leafing through a brand new Teen Beat in an almost tedious way. Beomgyu never looks at the door when the bell rings, something Taehyun came to learn with time.

Taehyun silently makes his way toward one of the tables with a padded seat that stopped being soft a long time ago. Even though things are falling apart, something about this forgotten diner gives some sense of tranquility to him, one of the few places where Taehyun feels at ease. He never picks the menu up, a waste of time since food ordered after eight is reheated — according to Beomgyu, the cook spends the night relaxing, a name the man kindly gives to smoking marijuana in the back of the building.

In a few minutes, the waiter is standing next to his table, a bored look on his face and notepad in hands. Beomgyu is a pretty boy, and Taehyun doesn’t think that only because he’s into dudes or anything, it’s just common sense, something that pops into your head whenever you look at him. Beomgyu is all dirty sneakers and long legs, shaggy hair with blond highlights almost touching the shoulders of his baby-blue uniform. He has small eyes with long eyelashes that close almost completely when he smiles, looks deadly whenever he’s bored and full of brightness when he’s talking about something he likes.

“The usual?” Beomgyu asks in lieu of greeting, voice equally tired and bored.

The usual is a strawberry milkshake, the only fresh thing coming out of the kitchen at that time — and Taehyun’s favorite milkshake flavor. He nods, smiling politely at Beomgyu before the boy sighs and leaves to the kitchen with heavy steps. Taehyun can only imagine how extremely tedious it must be to work the night shift here, few customers, long hours having to deal with complete solitude. Taehyun feels a little sorry for him, wondering if his short visits are the peak of the boy’s night in this shithole.

Looking around, he notices a person sitting at one of the empty square tables in the middle of the large hall. Their feet, covered in black buckled boots, are perched above the table, swaying slightly to the rhythm of the music playing. An untitled book covers their face, a tuft of black hair with pink highlights being the only thing Taehyun can see. This person looks exactly like the emo punks he sees on television and on the streets sometimes, all leather and black and scary energies.

Beomgyu comes back with the milkshake a few minutes later, calmly setting the glass on the table and throwing his body on the adjacent seat, massaging his temples with a huff. Taehyun sips his milkshake greedily, waiting for the artificial strawberry flavor to sit on his taste buds. Even if the food sucks and the ghostly atmosphere is dismal, Beomgyu’s milkshakes are the other reason for Taehyun to keep going here instead of the record store a few blocks from here. Beomgyu himself is the third reason, which closes the number of reasons for Taehyun to visit the diner.

“I’m tired of this shit, hyung,” Beomgyu sulks, staring at the ceiling.

“I can imagine how boring it must be to stay here,” Taehyun says.

Despite their strange friendship dynamic where they don’t know absolutely nothing about each other, Taehyun isn’t the type to talk so comfortably to anyone. Not that he’s an antisocial weirdo who can’t make conversation and thinks he’s better than everyone else around him, he just doesn’t know exactly how to act. Taehyun likes to think that talking to people is like dancing, while he’s waltzing, everyone else is dancing a style that he doesn’t know. This is one of the main reasons why he still doesn’t have any friends in Seoul except for Beomgyu — not like they can be called friends, mates sound like a better term.

“Believe me, hyung, what you imagine is not even a third of the reality,” Beomgyu snorts, pulling the milkshake glass close and taking a long sip. Taehyun doesn’t protest, the boy seems to be having a more dicey day than usual.

“Why don’t you quit then?”

Beomgyu sighs, moving the straw with his fingers. “I wish it was that easy.”

“Isn’t it?” Taehyun asks, eyebrows furrowed. “Leaving jobs looks so easy on TV.”

“I think you’re spending way too much time indoors,” he chuckles.

“Maybe.” Taehyun pulls the glass back, the straw going straight to his lips. “Soobin threw a party today.”

“Wow, one of Soobin’s famous parties,” Beomgyu mocks, huffing a laugh. “I bet it wasn’t the type of party you thought it’d be.”

Beomgyu knows Soobin from high school, the two are the same age and have almost all their classes together, and were lab partners last year according to Beomgyu. They’re not friends nor are they colleagues, they even pretend to be strangers when they’re out of class, the opinions they have about each other are so strong that one would think they hate each other profoundly. Taehyun has no idea what Soobin thinks of Beomgyu, but the other boy was quite vocal when Taehyun commented they’re related — “He eats with his mouth open, smells like a basement full of sweaty basketball players when he doesn’t even play ball and thinks Michelle Pfeiffer is ugly. Who in their right mind thinks Michelle Pfeiffer is ugly? Did he even see her in Scarface? He’s a fucking loser.”

“Five whole hours discussing D&D strategies in the stinking basement,” Taehyun says, pushing away the thought of the full plate of potato salad he left in the sink.

“It had music at least?” Beomgyu takes the last sip of the milkshake, sucking the pale pink foam until it makes a loud noise. They look at each other and giggle, the man sitting nearby not batting an eyelash to them.

“Michael Jackson,” he replies, Billie Jean faintly playing inside his head from the many times he’s heard it since moving. “He played Thriller like three times in a row, that’s now even his best album.”

“Since when do you listen to MJ songs to know which album is better?” Beomgyu raises an eyebrow. “I thought you didn’t like his songs.”

“It’s not that I dislike or anything, I just didn’t pay attention before,” Taehyun shrugs. “Besides, if you lived with Soobin, you’d listen to it constantly.”

“Don’t curse me like that!” Beomgyu slaps Taehyun’s hand that was on the table. “Imagine the nightmare it must be to live with a whole Choi Soobin.”

Taehyun is about to make some joke when the diner doors open abruptly, the strength in that simple move is so big that it almost breaks the bell and the door altogether. Two men in hideous neon sweatshirts enter, looking suspiciously at the hall. Beomgyu doesn’t mind them, makes no effort to get up and asks what the two guys want. Taehyun follows their steps, eyes glued to the figures.

“Where’s Choi Yeonjun?” One of them yells, spitting the angry words through the peeled wallpaper walls. “Where’s that asshole?” He snaps his fingers one at a time, looking a lot like one of the cartoonish villains on television. Taehyun doesn’t know whether to laugh or be a little scared.

Tears for Fears is replaced by heavy drums and guitar strings, the opening melody of a song Taehyun knows all too well. Kiss plays on the jukebox, dropping the calm and quiet mood from before, almost if the object knew the mood change in the place. Beomgyu still doesn’t care, fingernails painted with peeled sparkling blue nail polish looking way more interesting. Taehyun keeps looking at the person sitting nearby, feet no longer moving to the sound of the new music playing.

“How can I help you gentlemen tonight?” They say, putting the book down calmly.

It’s a boy, maybe the same age as him or Beomgyu. His voice is slightly high-pitched, a hint of mockery in his tone, an equal mock grin in his lips. From where Taehyun is he has a privileged vision of the boy’s face and he’s kinda impressed. He was expecting black eyeliner and a bunch of piercings in every possible part of his face, but he finds nothing besides a small ring in his nostrils, almost unnoticeable if you don’t pay attention to it. A face Taehyun would never associate with the voice he heard, a face that he can’t take his eyes away from. The boy closes the book with enviable calm, putting his feet down slowly, the view of a torso covered in an equally buckled leather jacket.

“You son of a bitch,” the same guy who shouted says, walking at a quick and heavy pace toward the table. He pulls the leather jacket boy by the collar, making his stand against his will. “Who do you think you are to mess with my sister?”

The leather jacket boy gives a humorless laugh in response, head thrown back and shiny teeth showing. Other guy stays near the door, keeping watch in case someone comes and sees the whole scene that it’s bound to happen. Taehyun laughs mentally at their idea, that guy is wasting his time thinking that someone will come to the diner at this hour. Guy number one shakes the boy, his scornful laugh kept ringing in the diner after the first punch collided with his face. Taehyun wouldn’t say he was startled by it, even if the slightly embarrassing gasp that escaped his mouth says otherwise. Guy number one doesn’t notice, too focused on the punches. Beomgyu looks at Taehyun with a silent plea for him to pretend he’s not seeing what’s happening.

“You think you’re all that, brat,” guy number one spits, unleashing more clumsy punches at the boy’s face. “If you mess with my sister again, I”m gonna fuck you up.”

“Who’s gonna stop me? You and your sissy punches?” The boy mocks, spitting blood on the floor. Taehyun watches front row the beating he’s taking, a goreish show he didn’t pay to see. The boy’s nose is bleeding, purple and green mixing together in a bruise on his cheek, a cut on his lower lip. Yet, he keeps laughing like it’s the funniest thing in the world.

It’s a macabre view, the type Taehyun could easily see in all the action movies his aunt brings home from the blockbuster.

“You wanna die?” guy number one says, getting ready to throw another punch.

A loud whistle echoes as the jukebox stops playing. Guy number two signals to the other from the doorway, someone is probably coming. Guy number one abruptly drops the boy’s body, who falls flat on the floor, still laughing at the whole thing in a very disturbing way. Taehyun looks away, slightly uncomfortable with all the blood and still trying to understand everything that just happened in a blink of an eye.

“You better not mess with my sister again, you piece of shit,” he points a finger in the boy’s face. “I swear that next time I’ll kill you.”

Just as quick as they appeared, the two guys disappeared out the door. Taehyun stays still, wondering if the scene was real or some crazy daydream after watching so many fight movies that week — Soobin’s favorite, the only thing they have in common apparently. The boy keeps seated on the floor, running the back of his hands over his bleeding nose, sniffs and chuckles the only sound in the diner. Beomgyu stands up from the seat, looking more tired than before. Taehyun remains in the same place, mind undecided whether to be surprised or confused.

Beomgyu drags himself to the boy on the floor, his feet almost not leaving the ground while he walks. The diner is completely silent, in an eerie way that makes him unsettling. Taehyun can perfectly hear the sound of the soles of Beomgyu’s sneakers rubbing against the floor with each step. He stops in front of the boy, giving a light kick in his leg as he crosses his arms, clicking tongue and shaking head like a disappointed mother.

“You outdid yourself this time, dude,” he says, clapping his hands twice as if the occurrence is deserving of applause. “Chansung’s sister, really?”

“She asked me to the fucking party,” the boy huffs, rubbing his bloody nose in a failed attempt to stop the bleeding. “You think I’d do anything but kiss her?”

Beomgyu raises a brow. “You really want me to answer?”

“You have so little confidence in me, Beoms,” the boy pouts, glaring at Beomgyu. They sound friendly, talking comfortably even if Beomgyu looks annoyed by the idea of having to talk with the bloodied boy.

“Get up, dipshit,” Beomgyu says with an eye-roll, offering his hand. When the boy stands up, Taehyun notices how tall he is compared to Beomgyu. “Go clean yourself. You’re scaring the only guy who gives me tips in this hellhole.”

He points with his head in Taehyun’s direction, only now the boy seems to notice his presence. Taehyun receives a broad smile coming his way, pearly teeth stained red, something that was supposed to look friendly turning to be slightly scary. He grimaces, putting a smile that comes out too weird instead of friendly. The boy stays in the same place, an exchange of glances between them that takes too long for Taehyun’s taste and comfort, but he doesn’t look away — number one rule in Taehyun’s book, never look away in a glance battle, he’s not a weak wimp. The boy is the first to turn away, boots hitting the floor as he walks to the bathroom per Beomgyu’s command.

For a few minutes neither Beomgyu nor Taehyun says anything, lips closed tight and minds thinking of exactly what to say to break the weird mood that’s roaming the diner. Taehyun is kinda processing all the information in seeing someone get beat up in front of him for the first time, Beomgyu is massaging his forehead, trying to scare away the headache in the form of a boy inside the men’s room. He walks over to Taehyun, both staring at the drops of blood painting the checkered floor.

“Sorry you had to see that,” Beomgyu says sheepishly.

“It’s chill,” Taehyun comments nonchalantly. “Still too shocked to react.”

“Hyung, is this your first time watching a fight?” Beomgyu chuckles.

“No?” He replies, sounding unsure even to his own ears.

“Congratulations hyung, you just saw a dude being beat up for the first time!” Beomgyu beams, patting Taehyun’s shoulder with fake excitement.

“I didn’t expect it to be something… so vivid,” he comments.

“Puff, this one is not even closer to the old fights he used to have,” Beomgyu says, pointing his thumb in the bathroom’s direction. “The one you saw? Child’s play for him.”

Now that Taehyun thinks about it, he doesn’t remember ever seeing this boy on any of his other visits to the diner or in his neighborhood — not even in his late walks through empty streets. Well, maybe he should’ve looked for someone getting beaten up in alleys, that’s a place that seems fitting for this unknown boy. Taehyun glances at the bathroom from afar, mind still buzzed by the bloody nose and strangely friendly smile.

He turns to Beomgyu, blurting, “Who’s this guy?”

“Choi Yeonjun. A complete asshole, kinda douchebag too. A nice guy sometimes too,” Beomgyu replies absent-mindedly, arms crossed and eyes glued to the drops of blood on the checkered floor, probably wondering how he’s going to clean that up.

“Bleach, but don’t get carried away. A capful should be good,” Taehyun says, staring at the blood drops as well. Beomgyu hums in knowledge, chewing his lower lip before murmuring a thanks. Taehyun doesn’t want the topic to stop there, his curiosity too spiked up for him to lay it low. “I wonder what he did to the guy’s sister,” he says thoughtfully, hoping Beomgyu will take the bait.

Call him a gossiper, but Taehyun enjoys knowing about everything surrounding him. He prefers the term curious rather than gossiper, sounds a little more harmless, more understandable. All the old ladies in the neighborhood keep Taehyun up to date with all the information he needs — he also prefers the term exchange of information rather than gossip. At this point, he’s almost a new addition to the gossip club they have going on, he’s sure Soobin would tease him for the rest of his existence if he knew about it — even if Soobin himself is the biggest gossiper he has ever seen.

“Probably dumped her and broke her poor heart,” Beomgyu says, not sounding surprised. “It’s part of his catastrophic nature.”

This time Taehyun allows the topic to come to an end, no more information needed for him to put the pieces together. Beomgyu sighs and turns around, walking to the restrooms, leaving Taehyun behind in the same place. Taehyun’s mind travels through Yeonjun’s name and the damage he left behind when he broke that girl’s heart to the extent of being punched for free in this fifth-rate diner. Beomgyu’s answer didn’t help a lot, there’s empty places in the puzzle where Taehyun needs to fill it with speculation. Underneath his curiosity, the friendly, creepy smile permeates the free spaces, etched in his mind.

Beomgyu is already close to the doors when he whistles, drawing Taehyun’s attention. “Hyung, don’t think too much ‘bout it. Yeonjun isn’t worth it,” he advises. Taehyun is about to retort with how ridiculous it is that he thinks he’ll be thinking that much about a guy like Yeonjun, but Beomgyu doesn’t give him time to speak before adding, “The milkshake is on the house today. Boss doesn’t care about this place anyway. See ya, hyung.”

He enters the men’s room shortly thereafter, leaving Taehyun once again in that lonely, silent hall. He stares at the blood drops that are already dry, looking more brownish than red, maybe thinking a little too much about what had happened. He gets up from the seat, taking a few bills from the pocket of his green jacket and dropping them on the table next to the empty milkshake glass. Taehyun takes one last look at the men’s room and walks out the door, making his way back home through the chilly night.

Whether Yeonjun is worth it or not, little does it matter now. That guy is already etched in Taehyun’s mind like an episode of Charlie’s Angels recorded over Soobin’s birth tape — a mistake Taehyun hopes his aunt will never find out in the future.

After a whole month of moping on the couch, Taehyun decided to put an end to the monotony of living in front of the TV, eating reheated food and watching time pass way too slow. It’s time to change, to get away from comfort and face new environments — in this case, only close to the neighborhood and until twelve a.m. since Taehyun’s mother still believes he’s fifteen and curfews is an example that you’re doing a good job as a mother. Taehyun decides that the best way to make a new routine is to find a job that’s willing to hire a nineteen-year-old who finished school last year and has no experience to put on his resume and no desire to start college.

By irony of fate, the only place that accepts the almost desperate request of an unemployed Taehyun is the diner he often visits. Not the same place from before, since the new owner made the place more inviting. Taehyun even sees more customers at the counter drinking coffee and reading newspapers when he visits in the morning — with nothing but his empty resume and the hope of coming back home later employed. The padded chairs and seats still are the same, as are the black and white floor and the pink and blue neon lights, but now there’s a new sign with large neon red letters spelling Flavoroso. He’s sure there’s some pun underneath it that Taehyun can’t get.

The job at Flavoroso is relatively much better than at the old diner, according to Beomgyu, who was the only employee from the old diner the new owner decided to keep — it didn’t make sense to keep the old cook, especially after the rumors that he left cocaine too close to flour. Flavoroso has a larger number of customers in the mornings and evenings, a jukebox full of this year’s new releases and a paycheck that is better than the zero money he’s getting from lying his ass on the couch the whole day.

Taehyun works the afternoon and evening shifts, while Beomgyu works only the evening shift because his contract is only for a part-time job. Taehyun fixes the collar of his t-shirt with his name sewn on it in slightly cursive letters, grimacing at the terrible mix of red and green that is Flavoroso’s uniform — but it’s something he’s willing to go through if it means money on his pockets at the end of the month. There’s five other employees in the new diner slash cafeteria, people that Taehyun makes small talk and works along with. Wooyoung and Heeseung work part-time at night, Soojin in charge of morning shift, Yujin and Eunbi working together in the kitchen. Overall they’re nice people, there’s not much time for talking when the diner’s packed but they make do.

It’s been two weeks since he started working, and for some miracle, there’s not much to complain about. Aside from being extremely tired at the end of his shifts and having to deal with some indecisive or rude customers, he actually enjoys spending his afternoons and evenings at the diner. He can play whatever he wants on the jukebox when there’s few people in the diner, and apart from Yujin asking for Mariah Carey’s songs one after the other, it’s a good time.

Taehyun is leaning his elbow on the counter, drumming his fingers to the sound of a new Green Day song he doesn’t know, but has a good beat. He makes a mental note to see the name of the song in the jukebox later and go to the record store in the morning. Kai, his only possible friend, would be over the moon to show him the new records they got on the store. Taehyun’s new routine is basically work, listening to old and new releases on the jukebox — enjoy the rhythm of the old ones, look out for the new ones in the record store while Kai asks him a lot of questions about Soobin. It’s as boring as a routine can be, but Taehyun is happy with it nonetheless.

The doorbell rings but Taehyun doesn’t look up to see who’s arrived. In the first week, he always looked whenever the bell rang, as if it was necessary for him to know. Now, Taehyun just waits for the customers to sit down at the table and ring the little bell after they choose what they want. He thinks that the little bell is a blessing and a curse at the same time, since most ring it before they have decided what they want — especially kids, who are Taehyun’s biggest enemies when it comes to the table bell.

“Is Beoms here?” The new customer says, approaching the counter.

Taehyun tediously looks up, slightly surprised upon seeing the infamous Choi Yeonjun getting closer. His face is clean, a healing cut on his cheek and the old pink locks that used to be between the black hair replaced by a dark shade of blue. It’s weird to see Yeonjun after two months, without all the blood and maniacal laughter. The only things that remain the same are his leather jacket and friendly smile, shiny teeth on display to Taehyun. Yeonjun looks nice like this, his handsomeness really unmatched to any other boy Taehyun has ever seen in his life.

“Oh!” Yeonjun exclaims, looking surprised. “It’s you.”

“Yeah, it’s me,” Taehyun says, taken aback by the fact that Yeonjun recognizes him. “Can I help you?”

“Hey, what’s your name again?”

“I didn’t tell you my name.”

“Ah, so that’s why I don’t know,” Yeonjun giggles, leaning on the same space Taehyun is, face getting a little too close for comfort. Taehyun instinctively pulls away, for safety rather than discomfort. From the permanent smile on Yeonjun’s face, he doesn’t seem to care about personal space. He squints his eyes, trying to read the name sewn into the pocket of Taehyun’s t-shirts. “That’s a cool name, dude.”

Taehyun stares at him, amused. “You don’t understand what’s written, right?”

“Y’know, cursive letters are not my forte,” Yeonjun comments, picking up one of the toothpicks nearby and placing it between his lips.

“Taehyun,” he says before Yeonjun asks again, or loses interest in knowing him. Not that Taehyun is worried about it, but maybe he wants this boy to keep trying to get his attention.

“I was right. It’s a cool name,” Yeonjun smiles with the toothpick between his teeth.

“Can I help you with something?” Taehyun asks again, trying to change topics. He’s not that trained yet to some casual flirting with Choi Yeonjun, it’s a little too out of his comfort zone.

“I’m looking for Beoms,” he replies, running a hand through his hair as he rests his forearm on the counter, looking like one of the characters from Grease. Taehyun wouldn't say he's a Grease hater, but after watching it seven times in a row with Soobin, it gets tiresome. But he has to admit that something about John Travolta in black leather jacket made him put up easily with the seventh time watching.

"Beoms as in Beomgyu?" He asks, brows furrowed. Yeonjun only hums in answer, toothpick moving from side to side on his lips — not that he’s paying much attention to it. “School. He has extra flute practice on Thursdays.”

“Oh, I forgot he has that flute thing going on,” Yeonjun laughs to himself, probably an inside joke between him and Beomgyu.

Something that Taehyun noticed about Yeonjun is that he likes to stare at people’s faces. A lot. Taehyun doesn’t mind people looking at him from head to toe, it happens often because of his half blonde half brown hair and slightly childish face. He’s used to it by now, but Yeonjun stares seems to have a deeper meaning to it. It’s like he’s looking for what lies beneath Flavoroso’s abominable red and green uniform, it’s like an itch he can’t reach when he’s under Yeonjun stare. Irritating and constant.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in school too?” Yeonjun asks, sounding curious rather than judgeful.

“I already finished high school,” Taehyun grimaces.

“Really?” Yeonjun gapes. “How old are you?”

If this were one of the romcom movies Taehyun has watched on the living room couch for days and days, this entire conversation would be seen as flirting. Yeonjun, the charming bad boy who only has eyes for Taehyun, the cute waitress at Flavoroso. Except that Taehyun isn’t a girl, Yeonjun is a masochist jerk, this isn’t a romcom script and Flavoroso is the place he’d least like to be flirting with someone — especially on work hours. There’s something in the air, a different vibe to it. Not the straight romcom kind of situation that everyone is rooting for, but something implied in the way Yeonjun started talking since he got a good look at Taehyun.

Maybe Taehyun is needy and single for so long he’s starting to imagine things with the first handsome guy who gives him a hint of attention. At least it’s easy that Yeonjun gives him attention, if the guy didn’t bat an eyelash to him, things would be harder. Taehyun likes a little gay, drama in his life; that’s why he always choose the ones that ignores him.

“Eighteen,” he replies, one eyebrow arched. Yeonjun doesn’t look surprised, the smile at the corner of his lips as he pretends to look at the empty tables says everything. The diner won’t fill up for a few hours, until night shift finally starts. “Finished last year.”

“You’re older than me,” Yeonjun comments. “Guess I’ll have to call you hyung,” he winks mischievously. It’s so fast that Taehyun thinks it was only in his imagination.

In that week after what happened in June, when Yeonjun was beaten up in the old diner, Taehyun had forgotten about him. Yeonjun was just another guy who got beaten up among thousands in the world, there was no reason back then for Taehyun to dwell on it. Now, seeing Yeonjun again, looking so different and yet the same, in a place that is equally different and the same, is slightly tempting to Taehyun’s sharp mind. His head is already starting to create situations to keep him thinking about this blue-haired boy.

Taehyun isn’t an idiot, he can see that Yeonjun is strikingly handsome. He’s probably one of those stereotypical punks who listen to heavy music on their walkman, have walls full of band posters and throw cigarette butts on elderly neighbor’s lawn; picks fights at least three times a week as his favorite pastime and walk around in a I-don’t-give-a-shit facet. Despite all this clash of lifestyle compared to Taehyun, he can’t help but give Yeonjun a good look and be slightly attracted to him — c’mon, Taehyun is gay, single and thirsty, no one has the right to judge him.

“Shouldn’t you be in school too?” Taehyun says, ignoring the way he said hyung with a lilt in his voice.

“The keyword is should, ” Yeonjun replies in a playful tone. “Took the day off.”

“You took a day off from school?” Taehyun snickers.

“It’s a special occasion,” he hums, leaning fully on the counter like a little kid.

Despite being curious and sometimes a little gossiper, Taehyun doesn’t like to be nosey — even if he’s dying to know things that won’t make any difference in his life. Yeonjun could be celebrating some non-existent holiday as an excuse to skip class, maybe he doesn’t even have an excuse at all. Yeonjun doesn’t look to be the type to make excuses for his actions, he just does whatever he wants.

“May I know what the occasion is?” Taehyun comments, aiming to sound as casual as possible.

“It’s my birthday!” Yeonjun beams, closing his eyes and shaking his head in happiness. It’s a cute sight, Taehyun has to hold back his own smile.

“It’s your birthday?” Taehyun raises his brows.

“Yep,” he hums happily, moving away from the counter. “That’s the reason I needed to find Beomgyu. I always mess up his shifts and I rarely see him at school, we don’t share any classes, can you believe it? I don’t see him around the neighborhood either. It’s like we only meet here, so fucking weird.”

“Where does Beomgyu fit into your birthday, exactly?” Taehyun asks, confused by the sudden outburst of information. Yeonjun talked so much that it’s surprising. Taehyun was expecting the quiet, mysterious guy who speaks few words but is enough to make girls spread their legs instantly. As it seems, Yeonjun is way different from what Taehyun thought he’d be.

“Beoms is the only person who still cares about my birthday besides me,” Yeonjun says, turning back to Taehyun. “As a very kind soul that we don’t find anywhere, Beomgyu always makes me a free vanilla caramel milkshake on this important date. I usually come in the evenings, when he’s working. Guess I got the times wrong today.”

Taehyun didn’t think they would have such a strong friendship. It’s not like Beomgyu and Yeonjun seem to have anything in common. In fact, there’s nothing in common between them, as far as Taehyun can see. Still, the two seem to be pretty close from the only encounter Taehyun saw with them together. After all, which dude would go to the bathroom to help a guy who got beat up for hitting on someone’s sister? As it seems, Beomgyu would — and not only because he’s concerned over a blood-stained floor he’d have to clean later. Their friendship is a puzzle with many pictures that don’t seem to match, Taehyun would rather not waste his time on that.

“That’s nice of him,” he comments, drumming his fingers on the counter to the Green Day song that keeps playing, acting as the soundtrack of the scene. Taehyun isn’t sure that Green Day is a nice soundtrack for a romcom.

“Beoms is a nice guy,” Yeonjun sighs deeply. “Now I’ll have to wait for my birthday milkshake until he gets here. It’s still 3 p.m.”

Taehyun knows that Yeonjun is feigning his emotions, pretending to be crestfallen at having to wait until Beomgyu’s arrival, acting sad over a milkshake that will be in his hands eventually. Taehyun could ignore him, pretending not to care about Yeonjun having to wait until 6 p.m. Still, something makes him blurt out, “I can make you a milkshake.”

“Hyung, would you do that for me?” Yeonjun looks at him, an almost childlike gleam in his eyes. 

“Yeah, whatever,” he says, shrugging. Taehyun ignores the way Yeonjun calling him hyung makes him fuzzy.

Yeonjun leans on the counter again, murmuring softly, “For free?”

“You don’t like paying for things, do you?”

“It’s not that I don’t like paying,” Yeonjun pauses, resting his head on his hand while thinking. “Actually, it’s just it. I don’t like paying for things.”

“If you won’t give me tips, what do I get out of it?” Taehyun crosses his arms, shaking his head.

“My honorable company this Thursday afternoon.” Yeonjun lips twist in a big grin, batting his eyelashes at Taehyun.

“Your honorable company usually walks hand in hand with blood on the floor. Not in the mood to deal with bleach today.”

Yeonjun pouts, tapping his lips. Taehyun doesn’t stare at his plump lips for that long, not at all. “You can sleep peacefully at night knowing that you didn’t deny a birthday boy something for free.”

Taehyun has a feeling that this discussion will last for as long as he eventually gives in. Yeonjun doesn’t seem the type to give up that easily on something he knows he can have if he tries to persuade the other party. Taehyun wouldn’t give up so easily if it wasn’t for the doorbell ringing, a new customer that he needs to attend to. If he had the chance, he’d let this discussion with Yeonjun go as far as possible.

“Vanilla with caramel?”

“That’s right, babe,” Yeonjun cheers, the victorious smile making Taehyun feel like a sore loser. Nonetheless, it’s lovely to see the boy’s joy over a simple vanilla with caramel milkshake.

“You can sit anywhere, I’ll bring it to you in a minute,” Taehyun says, moving away to the kitchen entrance.

“What the fuck is playing here.” He hears Yeonjun complain, walking to the jukebox to change the Green Day song that probably ended a while ago. The conversation with Yeonjun was so strangely amusing that Taehyun completely forgot somewhere in the way that music was still playing in the place. He turns back one last time before entering the kitchen. One last look at Choi Yeonjun, leaned in the jukebox while looking for a new song to play, same leather jacket and buckle-filled boots.

Inside the kitchen, Yujin and Eunbi are playing cards, so focused on their Rummy match to pay attention to Taehyun close to the mixer. The kitchen is clean, or at least as clean as the two girls can leave it between orders. Taehyun opens the freezer to get the vanilla ice cream, carrying the pot to a table and crouching down to get the toppings that are stored in a cabinet under the machine. Overall the kitchen is organized and Taehyun only needs to enter it on a few occasions, so it makes no difference to him.

“Is that Madonna playing?” Yujin says, looking with frowning brows toward the opening they have in the kitchen to put the dishes out for Taehyun to pick up.

Taehyun turns off the mixer, clearly hearing Madonna’s voice blasting in the diner lounge. It’s impossible to not recognize the voice and exciting beat, he wonders who in their right mind would play this song on a Thursday afternoon. Until he remembers that Yeonjun was walking to the jukebox after complaining about what was playing, confidently choosing nothing less than Madonna.

“Material Girl? That’s not one of her best,” Eunbi says, fishing a card from the pile and setting up a deck that will make Yujin lose in the next round. The prize is always a free meal, anywhere other than Flavoroso. Taehyun doesn’t like to assume things, but he feels that maybe Yujin loses only to go out on lunches and dinners with Eunbi — he played a match once with the girl, and she’s way better than when she’s playing with Eunbi.

“That’s one of her best songs,” Yujin retorts, sounding offended as she picks up the card Eunbi discarded.

Taehyun finishes the milkshake before having to listen to yet another of the girls’ famous musical discussions. A few days ago he had to listen for almost two hours to the reason why Wham! is one of the best duos in the whole world according to Eunbi. He puts the glass on a tray and walks out the kitchen, leaving the girls absorbed in their rummy match and discussions about Madonna’s best album. He can faintly listen to “Like a Virgin is her best album.” followed by a “Are you crazy, unnie? Like a Prayer literally exists.”, before Material Girl resounds through the dinner and he sees Yeonjun sitting with his feet up on one of the tables, fiddling to the rhythm. It’s like a deja vu from the first time he saw him.

Before moving to the table, he glances at the calendar hanging next to the door, looking for today’s date. September 13th. Taehyun mentally marks the date in his head, hoping he won’t forget even if it doesn’t make a difference. He knows nothing about Yeonjun, what difference does it make to know his birthday?

“I had no idea hyung and Yeonjun are friends.” It’s the first thing Soobin says in the morning instead of a simple good morning like any other person would do. He’s wearing his pajamas and a large blanket wrapped around his body, feet dragging in the kitchen as if he were undead. Soobin is sick, a seasonal flu that will pass in a few days, but he acts like he has been diagnosed with an incurable disease and has only three more days alive. Taehyun is amazed that Soobin hasn’t joined the school’s drama club, he’d do well in dramatic acting.

Taehyun is sitting on the stool near the sink in the middle of the kitchen. He can’t understand the architecture of this house, but at least it’s handy to put his mug in the sink without having to move. He takes another sip of the watery coffee his aunt made earlier, shuddering at the terrible taste. Soobin is leaning over one of the cupboards, pulling out a bowl and picking the cereal box.

“What?” Taehyun asks, too sleepy to understand what a mumbling Soobin said.

“I said,” Soobin pauses for a dry cough that sounds way too fake. “That I didn’t know you and Yeonjun are friends.”

Taehyun almost chokes on his coffee, feeling the warm liquid go down the wrong way. “Who told you that?”

“No one,” Soobin shrugs, creeping over the refrigerator for a milk bottle. “But I heard he visits the diner quite a lot.”

“Everybody visits the diner, Soobin,” he says, drumming his fingers on the porcelain cup. “Is the only interesting place y’all have here, and has cheap food.”

Soobin raises his eyes from the bowl full of cereal, staring at Taehyun. “Hyung, you know what I meant.”

Taehyun knows too well what he means. It’s no secret that Yeonjun’s visits to Flavoroso turned way more frequent compared to the sporadic times before Taehyun’s employment. At first, he thought it was just by chance, after all, Beomgyu is Yeonjun’s friend and he used to visit the other decadent diner the same amount of times. The thing is that Yeonjun doesn’t show up only at night, as one would conclude if he was going there only to annoy Beomgyu. Yeonjun shows up in the afternoons too, whenever he’s skipping classes or hasn’t bothered to go to school. They both know that afternoon is Taehyun’s solo shift.

Their friendship isn’t what Taehyun would call friendship. Yeonjun is more in the acquaintance side rather than friend, an acquaintance that sits at the counter and talks about things Taehyun didn’t ask about, but that entertains him anyway. He knows Yeonjun goes to the diner in the afternoon on some days just for the pleasure of disturbing Taehyun by ordering free coffee shots and putting bad music on the jukebox — if he has to spend more than an hour listening to Come on Eileen by Dexys Midnight Runners, he’ll consider quitting the job.

Even though Taehyun knows all this, he prefers to think that Yeonjun’s visits are only by chance. He doesn’t want to see too much where there is nothing, doesn’t want to imagine that Yeonjun stays close because of him. Taehyun wouldn’t say that he likes Yeonjun that way, but it’s sort of disconcerting to think that a handsome guy is spending that much time in a diner only for him. There’s a fine line that Taehyun can see, invisible but tangible.

“Actually, I don’t think I understand,” Taehyun says, getting up from his stool and throwing the rest of the coffee into the sink.

“You’re a hopeless case, hyung.” Soobin shakes his head, stuffing his mouth with cereal and milk. “I just want you to be careful.”

“With what?” Taehyun mocks. “You think he’s going to punch me?”

“Of course not, asshole,” Soobin huffs, the display of respect totally thrown into the sink with the disgusting coffee. “It’s just that he’s well known for going around breaking hearts.”

It’s interesting to see the way Soobin appears to be concerned for Taehyun’s wellbeing — that is, if it weren’t a nuisance that Soobin thinks he’s in love with Yeonjun. Soobin is one of the few people in this world who knows that Taehyun is gay, all because of a fateful afternoon when he went through his things without permission and found one of the magazines filled with naked hot men that Taehyun uses for handjob material sometimes. Not his fault, he’s still a man that has needs like any other. Since then, it’s weird that his cousin knows about his sexuality. Not that Soobin is prejudiced, they even had a talk about this sort of thing, one of the weirdest things that happened in Taehyun’s life. If Soobin is suspicious about this, it’s a sign that Taehyun has left some loophole for him to see that Yeonjun has been hanging around his head for a while.

“Why are you telling me this?” Taehyun tries to sound nonchalant, his heart beating a little too fast. The awkward silence in the kitchen has the same energy of being caught doing something wrong — of being caught hiding porn magazines in his part of their shared wardrobe.

“Just wanted to warn you,” Soobin says between chews, his nonchalance real compared to Taehyun’s.

“Thank, I guess,” he says, grimacing. “But I don’t like Yeonjun.”

“But you will, hyung,” Soobin comments, looking distracted. “Everyone always likes him, sooner or later.”

“Whatchu mean?”

“Nothing,” Soobin shrugs, another spoonful of milk and cereal in his mouth. “Anyway, last week I saw a girl crying in the hallway because Yeonjun dumped her after they kissed the other day. Believe me, that's a common occurrence. At least fifty percent of the school had their hearts broken by Yeonjun, that’s a high statistic. I just don’t want you to go through the same thing, hyung.”

Taehyun's eyes widened in surprise. It’s the first time Soobin has been genuinely nice to him without expecting something in return, his voice even sounding soft on the last words. As cousins who know the bare minimum about each other, their coexistence is based on give and take, some displays of respect here and there just because Taehyun is older. By far, it’s worked out perfectly for them, these four months are peaceful in their own way. It’s weird to have no catch, he keeps expecting Soobin to ask for something in return for his worry.

“Thanks, Soobs,” he says, scratching the back of his neck, suddenly timid. “That’s really nice of you.”

“I’m only saying that because I don’t want to act as your shoulder to cry on later,” Soobin scoffs. Back to their old dynamic, it seems. It’s better this way, they don’t know how to be affectionate with each other besides bad-mouthing and fast displays of worry. “Comforting cute girls? I’m in. Comforting Kai when he loses in Super Mario? Maybe. Comforting my nerdy, loser hyung who had his heart broken by Choi Yeonjun? Totally ridiculous.”

“Thanks for the warning, I’ll keep that in mind,” Taehyun rolls his eyes, walking out of the kitchen.

He stops, turning around to look at Soobin’s slouched figure sitting on one of the stools, savoring a cereal that’s already mushy. A doubt arises in his mind. In all the time he’s been working at Flavoroso, he has never seen Soobin set foot in the diner once. It’s the new favorite meeting place for all the students, but Soobin never showed up there. He has seen Lia and some of his other friends too, but never Soobin himself. How does he know that Yeonjun has been visiting the diner that often?

“Soobin, how do you know that Yeonjun is visiting Flavoroso that much?” Taehyun asks, one brow raised.

Soobin’s eyes widen, almost choking on his mushy cereal. “A friend told me,” he replies with a nervous chuckle, getting up from the stool and passing Taehyun away from the kitchen, almost running away — a stark contrast to the crawling way he was walking before.

Taehyun has a hunch that this mysterious friend of his has brown hair and works on a record store close to the diner, since he’s the only person who’s at the diner in the afternoons before having to go to his own shift. From Soobin’s avoidance, this is going to be a great topic for Taehyun to use as teasing material, since it’s no longer a secret that Soobin kinda has a crush for the tall and cute employee from Jung Discs.

If there’s one thing Taehyun really hates when it comes to working at Flavoroso, it’s taking out the trash. He doesn’t mind cleaning tables with spilled coffee and maple syrup, or scrubbing floors full of shoeprints, he even cleans the bathrooms without much complaint. He’ll do anything you ask, but don’t make him put the garbage bags in the back trash can. Just the knowledge that there’s at least three large bags waiting for him near the back door makes Taehyun feel a mix of anger and disgust stirring inside him.

The diner closed an hour ago. While Heeseung cleans the ladies’ room, Taehyun begins his walk of shame toward the bags that are waiting for him. He could have asked Wooyoung to take them out before he clocked out a few minutes agos? Yes, but the point is that nobody likes to take out the trash. It’s a war between the four teenagers when it comes to seeing who will have to deal with this torturous task. His being-the-oldest benefit doesn’t work in this context, so they resort to playing odds — by some trick of the universe, Taehyun always loses.

Taehyun snorts and whines as he grabs two bags at once, pushing the door open with his leg and using his body as a barrier to keep the door from closing. He walks a little weird, arms bending while holding the weight of the two bags. Taehyun sees no problem in taking the recyclables, which are relatively light and don’t stink as much compared to the two bags full of rotten food almost leaking from inside. He twists his nose as he walks awkwardly to the large garbage can relatively close to the door, thankful that he doesn’t have to cross the street.

He puts his hands on his knees, leaning over as he takes a deep breath after using his remaining strength to throw the bags into the can. It’s not that Taehyun is scrawny and weak, but this kind of work sure is strenuous for someone who hasn’t been to the gym for a long time. Besides the lack of time to go to the gym, carrying the trash bags out has been having the same functionality as lift weights in the gym — and the good side is that he’s getting paid for doing it.

The night is strangely silent, the kind where you can hardly hear cars passing on the street or cicadas in the few trees around. It’s a nice autumn night, but Taehyun swears he feels an icy wind from nowhere hitting his bare arms, he instinctively crosses his arms. It’s looks like a scene from the horror movies Soobin and he watch in the living room after 11, hoping that neither his mother nor Soobin’s will catch them — there’s an absolute rule of no horror movies in the house since Soobin watched Christine and spent more than months having nightmares of a killer car chasing him.

Taehyun feels that if he turns his head to the side, he’ll run into some Michael Myers-style maniac who only kills nineteen-year-old virgin, gay boys — which means that Taehyun is the number one target at the moment. Thankfully, all he sees out of the corner of his eye are two people very close, too close actually. Taehyun is sure they’re not just whispering, especially if their mouths are glued together. Honestly, he’d rather be seeing a maniac, not two people making out in the back of Flavoroso.

He stares absent-mindedly for a few seconds, standing in place when he notices that the person pressed against the wall has his eyes open, looking right in Taehyun’s direction. He knows those eyes all too well, that piercing gaze that’s been appearing even in his dreams lately. A look so mesmerizing that Taehyun can hardly move, he’s a fly caught in Choi Yeonjun’s web, about to be devoured with no chance to fight back.

Taehyun shakes his head, finally regaining his senses, walking stealthily back to the door, as quietly as possible to not draw attention. He’s sure Yeonjun would make a point to tease him for staring that long, a simple task like taking out the trash will become a reason to be teased for the rest of his life. Unfortunately, Flavoroso is karma in the form of a restaurant made of bricks and creaky doors. The moment Taehyun pulls open the back door, it makes a creak so loud that he’s sure even Heeseung, cleaning the ladies’ room, could hear it. Taehyun closes his eyes tightly and grimaces, cringing as much as he can, hoping Yeonjun and the other person didn’t see him.

Of course Yeonjun’s sharp eyes saw him.

“Oh, Taehyun-hyung?” He says in fake surprise, pushing the person away so that he can face Taehyun, who’s still cringing with his hand on the door.

“Taehyun?” The person in front of Yeonjun says, turning his face to look at him. Taehyun opens his eyes one at a time, taking in the figure of a guy, maybe a little older than him, wearing a denim jacket that he can only make out because of the yellowish light from the lamppost near them. He looks nice under the poor lighting, not Taehyun’s type per se, but if he had the chance he’d also let this guy press him against the back wall of Flavoroso.

It takes some time until it dawns on him what was happening. Yeonjun’s body was pressed against this guy. Yeonjun was being kissed by this guy. Yeonjun was equally kissing this guy back. Yeonjun was clearly staring at him while kissing a guy.

“He works here,” Yeonjun says, putting his arms around the guy’s neck, smiling as he looks at Taehyun. He hasn’t stopped looking at him at any point.

Taehyun nods in lieu of greeting, taking one last look at them before scurrying through the door quickly, cheeks so hot that Eunbi could easily fry eggs on them. He still has two more bags to put out, but he refuses to go outside while Yeonjun and the guy are there, probably going back to the make out session Taehyun got in the way. If he concentrates hard enough, he can almost hear the sound of their mouths making contact — not in the creepy way, more like in the jealousy way if he wants to be sincere.

He walks back to the counter, thinking about anything other than Yeonjun. Other than the way he looked at him while kissing some random guy. Other than the way he smiled at him when he put his arms around the guy’s neck. He shakes his head, trying to shove away any thoughts about what it’d be like to kiss Yeonjun, to be kissed by Yeonjun.

Yeonjun walks the front door minutes later, not giving a damn about the sign that clearly states that the place is closed, walking confidently to the counter where Taehyun is filling the straw holder while waiting for the others to clock out together. The Smiths is playing on the jukebox, he has no idea who put it on, probably Wooyoung since he’s always humming songs by them. Taehyun is so focused on the straws he doesn’t notice Yeonjun’s arrival, only becoming aware of it when the guy takes one from Taehyun’s hand and puts it in his mouth like a cigarette.

“Did you put this atrocity to play?” Yeonjun asks as a greeting, the straw swinging sideways in his lips.

Taehyun blinks a few times, looking at Yeonjun, eyes visible staring at his lips. He has spent the minutes since what happened on the backs filling his mind with bullshit to keep it away from Yeonjun. Now that he’s here, disrupting all the progress Taehyun has made, it’s way difficult to shove the thoughts about him away. Taehyun can faintly hear the alarms in his head going off, all the little Taehyuns controlling his head running around, everything on fire while DANGER: YEONJUN goes off in the background.

“No,” he says, ignoring the madness that’s going on inside his head. “You don’t like The Smiths?”

“Jesus, hyung, who likes The Smiths these days?” Yeonjun scoffs, moving away from the counter to the jukebox, just like he does every time he comes into the diner and it’s playing a song he dislikes. It’s becoming another part of Taehyun’s routine, watching Yeonjun walk to the jukebox and put on some pop song that doesn’t match his style at all.

Taehyun shrugs. “Kai likes it.”

“Well, Huening Kai has a terrible taste for music, which is ridiculous since he works in a record store,” Yeonjun says, taking a coin from his jacket pocket.

“Soobin likes it too.”

“Your cousin is a hopeless case. Besides, he only listens to this excuse of a band because Kai makes him do it,” he leans into the colorful jukebox, searching for what he wants to hear tonight. “I’m sure it was Wooyoung who put that, he’s another hopeless case and he’s not even listening to this to impress someone like Soobin’s doing.”

Before Taehyun can ask how Yeonjun knows that much about Soobin, an upbeat song starts playing in the place, sounding louder than usual due to the emptiness of the diner. Yeonjun turns to Taehyun, a big smile on his face as he walks back to the counter in lighter movements, dancing to the music. Taehyun can’t hold back his own smile this time, it’s not everyday that you see a person dressed like Yeonjun dancing to Take on Me.

“A-ha is much better, I suppose,” Taehyun mocks.

“Don’t you dare badmouth a-ha,” Yeonjun threatens, an index finger pointing at him. “They did a lot for us by releasing this masterpiece.”

Taehyun holds the straws tightly in his hand, listening to the upbeat pop song filling his ears, watching an excited Yeonjun moving his head from side to side smoothly in a rhythm totally different from the music. It’s interesting to watch, Taehyun even catches himself smiling wider as he watches the boy, hiding it whenever Yeonjun turns to him, winking blatantly at Taehyun.

“I’m not sure you noticed, but we’re closed Yeonjun,” Taehyun says as the song reaches the first chorus, eyes never leaving Yeonjun’s relaxed figure. If the boss decides to sneak up on the diner now, Taehyun would probably be in big trouble for letting someone inside after closing hours.

“I know,” Yeonjun says, fingers drumming on the counter to the rhythm.

“You know that means no customers can come in, right?”

“I know what a closed sign means, hyung,” Yeonjun chuckles.

“Then why are you here?” Taehyun asks without wanting to sound rude, but he has this voice tone that makes him do it even when he doesn’t want to sound rude.

“Oh c’mon. I’m not a customer, I’m an honored guest here,” Yeonjun replies, biting the straw in his mouth.

“I’m sure that when you visit a place more than once in a one-month period, you cease to be a guest,” Taehyun says, distractly looking at the straws in his hand.

“That’s outrageous,” Yeonjun pretends to be offended. “I don’t come here that often.”

“Yes you do.”

“I don’t,” Yeonjun retorts. Heeseung passes near them behind the counter, walking into the kitchen with a bucket and mop in hand, the usual gleam in his eyes even if he’s dead tired. Yeonjun catches Heeseung’s attention with a whistle, the other boy looking at him with a raised eyebrow. “Heeseung, do I come here often?”

“That’s a serious question or a rhetorical one?” Heeseung replies without hesitation. Taehyun ducks his head to hide his chuckles, placing the straws into the aluminum holder. “Yeonjun, I saw you more times last month than my father all year.”

“You go to the same school as me, you see me all the time,” Yeonjun says in annoyance, stretching his neck toward the opening where the food comes out of the kitchen. “Call Yujin-noona or Eunbi-noona, they’re the judges here.”

“It’s no use, man.” Taehyun pushes the straw holder into the corner, along with the already refilled ones. “Everyone’s gonna have the same answer. It’s better to admit you come here a lot.”

Yeonjun makes a dumbfounded face at him, no answers on the tip of his tongue but still not ready to give up that easily. Yeonjun props his elbows on the counter, watching closely as Taehyun refills another straw holder, his eyes almost unblinking. It’s slightly distracting the way Yeonjun’s gaze catches his every move, lingering longer than usual on his face, making Taehyun unsettled, that same itch that never goes away coming back stronger.

“Do you want something?” Taehyun asks after feeling Yeonjun’s eyes travel over every visible part of his body behind the counter. He wonders if this is how mannequins feel behind their window displays. Taehyun would have zero aptitude to be a mannequin.

“Actually, I do,” Yeonjun says, leaning his chin on his hand. “But it’s not like you can give it to me.”

“What do you mean?” Taehyun knows that there’s some innuendo in Yeonjun’s words that he can’t quite catch.

“Nothing.” Yeonjun shakes his head, smirking. “Hyung, did you like what you saw?”

This time Taehyun knows exactly what he’s talking about even if he didn’t specify it, but he opts to pretend that he doesn’t understand. It’s not possible that Yeonjun is narcissistic to the point of wanting to know what Taehyun thought of seeing him being kissed by some random guy in the back of the diner. Taehyun is afraid that the moment outside was like his personal butterfly effect, everything from now on will be a consequence of the flapping of butterfly wings — or in this case, the consequence of seeing Yeonjun kiss a guy.

“What?” Taehyun pretends not to know what he’s talking about.

Yeonjun chuckles, playfully. “You know what I’m talking about, hyung.”

“About the kiss you were giving the guy outside?” Taehyun says, trying to sound nonchalant. Yeonjun only hums, eyes staring into Taehyun’s face as he peels the layers protecting him. “Speaking of which, where’s the guy?”

Taehyun looks past Yeonjun, pretending to be looking for someone outside the diner. He takes a moment to mentally thank the owner for not changing the glass doors, it just saved Taehyun’s of a lifetime embarrassment. Yeonjun doesn’t turn away to look outside, the only thing he wants to see is right in front of him. Taehyun twitches his nose, still looking past the boy, he feels that if he looks into Yeonjun’s eyes right now, he’ll end up doing the same thing he did outside.

“Probably in his dorm,” he shrugs. “Sent him away a little after you came inside.”

“Ah, about that,” Taehyun scratches the back of his neck, having the decency of looking embarrassed. “Sorry I got in the way.”

“I liked that you showed up, hyung.” Yeonjun takes the chewed straw from his mouth, running his tongue over his lips, opening a big smile afterwards.

Taehyun almost chokes, coughing to mask it. “Hope I didn’t mess up your chances with the dude.”

“It’s nothing serious,” he moves his fingers nonchalantly. “Don’t worry your pretty little head with it.”

“He’s not your boyfriend?”

“Someone sounds interested,” Yeonjun points out, a mocking laugh coming along with it.

Taehyun gapes. “It’s nothing like that. I just—”

“So, you’re not interested?” Yeonjun pouts. Taehyun has to close his eyes for a minute so his mind doesn’t ponder too much about the plumpness of his lips, about how soft it’d feel against his. “Did you at least liked what you saw?”

“Yeonjun—”

“Were you jealous?” Yeonjun wiggles his eyebrows, his pout gone much for Taehyun’s relief, replaced by a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Now that Taehyun is paying more attention to other parts of Yeonjun, he can clearly see a hickey on his neck, slightly hidden by the collar of his jacket, still easily noticeable.

At that moment he realizes that he has become jealous of a random guy. That he’s still jealous of that same random guy. If things inside his head were collapsing before, now is on the verge of a catastrophe; everything is on fire and the bucket he thought was water is actually alcohol, the fire spreading more and more. For once Taehyun is proud that he learned to mask a big portion of his emotions, otherwise Yeonjun would be able to see everything with his foxy eyes. Taehyun no longer feels like an insect caught in a web, he’s actually a small creature about to be devoured by a fox.

Taehyun squints his eyes. “Yeonjun, what do you want?”

“You’re really captivating, Taehyun-hyung,” Yeonjun sighs.

“Captivating?” He frowns, not understanding the confusing answer to his question. It doesn’t even sound like an answer when it makes more questions pop in his mind.

“Next time, I’ll make sure it's going to be you kissing me in the back.” Yeonjun winks, biting his lip. “Who knows, maybe you can even give me one of these, hyung.” He points to the hickey that Taehyun was staring at earlier. Yeonjun throws one last smile his way before turning and walking away without any more words.

Taehyun is so dumbfounded he doesn’t notice the boy leaving until he hears the doorbell ringing in the silence, the black-clad figure walking out into the night, far from Taehyun’s confusion. What the hell just happened exactly?

He rests his forehead against the cold surface of the counter, grasping on the conversation that didn’t last more than ten minutes to understand what happened. Did Yeonjun really indirectly said he’s going to kiss him next time? Can it even be considered indirect when Yeonjun was so direct about it? Taehyun’s head is spinning and spinning, gears moving around Yeonjun’s words, at the way he smiled and looked at him. He has no idea what he’s dealing with, he’s never been in a situation where a boy was so open about wanting to kiss him. Taehyun doesn’t have enough HP to get to the end of this mission without failing.

“Taehyun? What are you still doing here?” He hears Eunbi say amid the sound of keys rattling. “It’s closing time, sweetheart.”

He didn’t notice the time passing as he kept chewing on each letter that made up Yeonjun’s words. The jukebox has been off since the boy left, the silence in the empty place not all that inviting. In fact, no silence is inviting at the moment for him, he doesn’t want to be alone with his thoughts filled with Choi Yeonjun, kissing and plump lips.

“I’m waiting for the counter to swallow me up and make me disappear, noona,” Taehyun replies, forehead still glued on the wood.

“Teenagers,” Yujin is the one talking this time.

Taehyun wasn’t joking when he said that, he’d really like to be swallowed by the counter just so he doesn’t have to deal with the desire that Yeonjun has planted in his head. He never wanted to kiss a boy as much as he wants to kiss Choi Yeonjun right here, right now.

Taehyun is the only one working tonight. The long-awaited date has arrived for most teens who attend school, prom night. Of course Wooyoung, Heeseung and Beomgyu have taken the night off to enjoy the event of the year for teenagers, something as important as some national announcement. Taehyun spent last night listening to Soobin talk about prom without taking a break, walking around in his rented baby blue tuxedo and avoiding all questions from his mother and aunt about who he’s taking with him. Taehyun unfortunately missed the photo shoot before prom, but he’s sure to have plenty of bribery material on his aunt’s camera. He’s gonna have the time of his life later going through the pictures.

The clock on his wrist reads 7 p.m., diner has been kinda slow ever since he started his shift. So far, Taehyun has only served two milkshakes, a plate of blueberry pancakes and a cup of coffee. He’s scribbling shapes on the last sheet of his notepad, listening to another argument coming from the kitchen — probably the girls playing rummy once again, probably Yujin losing again later for the chance to take Eunbi on another date. It’s admirable to see the most competitive girl in the world giving up everything for another girl she likes, even if she doesn’t say it out loud.

Taehyun enjoys these few hours of rest as much as he can. And by enjoying, it means he’s dying of boredom while listening to the queue of songs Eunbi has put on the jukebox before going back to the kitchen. It’s not often that Yujin and Eunbi pull something on the jukebox, but on the few occasions, the choices were always something good — except when Yujin puts Don’t You Forget About Me on, that’s one of the songs Taehyun hates most in the whole world. He knows that in a few hours, when the prom is over to be exact, the diner will fill up with teenagers and he’ll only have the best of pop blasting.

He’s chewing on his pen when the doorbell rings, catching his attention immediately. Taehyun is so bored today he was waiting anxiously for a customer like he did in his first week. Any customer would be good, even if it’s only to order a cup of coffee and leave in less than five minutes. He never realized how boring it is to work the night shift without his friends until now, at least Taehyun considers them his friends.

What he didn’t expect when looking at the door is to see Yeonjun, violet streaks in his backcombed hair, wearing a simple black suit with his famous boots on his feet. It’s like seeing a completely different person that looks the same as always, as nonsense as it sounds. Maybe Taehyun is drooling so much over Yeonjun’s looks tonight that his mind can’t even think coherently.

Yeonjun has been living free in his head by now, ever since their proper meeting all those months ago. Taehyun thinks of him every moment his mind has any small break he has; during nights, he’s the only thing crossing Taehyun’s mind. He has gone as far as to dream of things that make him feel like a character in one of those teen romance movies, a walking cliché that makes him embarrassed. He dreams of kissing Yeonjun, of touching Yeonjun, of leaving marks on his body. Dreams so vivid that he wakes up in the morning bumping into Soobin’s bunk bed frame, wondering if it was all just a dream.

“Oh, you’re working today, hyung,” Yeonjun says, genuinely surprised to see Taehyun behind the same counter at the same time wearing the same uniform as every day.

“As usual,” he sneers.

“I thought you’d take the night off as well.”

“I don’t go to school anymore, did you forget?”

“I thought you’d be asked by some of the girls that come here often,” Yeonjun explains. “Who wouldn’t want to take a cool older, college guy to prom?”

“I’m not in college, Yeonjun,” Taehyun says between giggles, the first since he clocked in. “Besides, girls don’t like me that much.”

“Too bad for them.” Yeonjun leans on the counter, another round of stares about to happen. “At least I’ll have you all to myself.”

“What are you doin’ here?” Taehyun changes the topic, coughing. “Shouldn’t you be dancing now?”

“Y’know, prom is not my style.” Yeonjun shrugs, running a hand through his gelled hair.

“Really? You look quite dressed for prom in my opinion,” he says, pointing at Yeonjun’s suit.

Yeonjun raises an eyebrow, his endearing smile appearing to terrify Taehyun once again. “Hyung, were you looking at me when I arrived?”

“That’s not what I meant, punk,” Taehyun huffs. It won’t do any good to try putting other words, he had learned with time that once Yeonjun puts something in his head, there’s no one who can get it out. He bends words to have the meaning he wants them to have, an impressive talent in Taehyun’s opinion — even if it’s slightly annoying sometimes.

“You don’t have to be ashamed, hyung,” Yeonjun jokes, nudging Taehyun’s arm. The touch burns, as if Eunbi had poured a pot of boiling water on his arm. “I watch you all the time, so we’re even.”

“Yeonjun, what are you doing here?” Taehyun rubs his forehead, attempting to ignore Yeonjun’s hand still clutched to his arm.

“Can’t I visit my favorite hyung in his work?”

Taehyun rolls his eyes. “For real.”

Yeonjun seems to think for a second, looking up as he pursues his lips. He sighs before pulling his hand away from Taehyun’s arm, gesturing exaggeratedly around him. “I got dumped and came here. Not much.”

“The Choi Yeonjun got dumped?” Taehyun gasps in mock surprise. “That’s a new one.”

“Very funny,” he huffs. “I get dumped all the time. Only by Beomgyu, he’s the only one who can do it.”

“He was your date tonight?”

“We have this mutual agreement to always go to school dances together ever since the beginning of high school,” Yeonjun explains, picking on his fingernails. “It was the first time he dumped me to dance with another.”

“How does it feel to be on the dumped side rather than the dumper one?” Taehyun croons.

“I don’t care that much,” he shrugs. “But it hurted a little that he dumped me to dance with your cousin.”

“My cousin?” Taehyun gapes, brows furrowing. “As in Soobin?”

“Do you have any other cousins that go to school ‘round here?” Yeonjun mocks. “Of course it’s Soobin, dummy.”

That’s something he was not expecting to hear ever in his life. His head picks the information in bits, a child learning how to read. Yeonjun and Beomgyu going to prom together? Alright. Beomgyu dumping Yeonjun to dance with someone else? Totally understandable. This someone being none other than Soobin, the guy Beomgyu says almost religiously that he despises? His mind can’t grasp this as a fact.

“Beomgyu and Soobin?” Taehyun repeats, confused and surprised at the same time. “How?”

“Hyung, you never suspected?” Yeonjun raises a brow.

“I thought Soobin got to prom with Kai.”

“Actually, he got there alone,” Yeonjun comments, eyes gleaming mischievously when he looks back at Taehyun. “Want to hear some juicy prom gossip?”

“Hit me up,” Taehyun replies, a little too eager but he couldn’t care less.

“Let’s get you attuned to what was happening in the school’s gymnasium tonight,” Yeonjun wiggles his eyebrows. “Soobin got alone because he’s a loser who only plays D&D and never talks with girls. Kai was with a girl that I have no idea what her name was but I’m sure I kissed her on New Year’s eve.” Taehyun tries not to grimace at the thought of other people kissing Yeonjun — he’s still working on the jealous part, not sure how to deal with it when he never had someone to feel jealous over. “And Beomgyu was with a very handsome and cool dude.”

“I doubt Beomgyu found someone handsome and cool to go with,” Taehyun teases.

“Hey! I look very handsome and cool tonight,” he sulks.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“Back to the triangle thing those dudes have going on,” Yeonjun says, drawing a triangle in the air. “Kai’s girl said he was too busy drooling over Soobin to pay attention to her, so she told him to fuck off and be fruity somewhere else. And he did, taking Soobin’s hand and pulling him from the bleachers when a slow song was playing, romantic shit and all.”

“At least Kai had the balls to do something. If it was up to Soobin, they would go nowhere,” Taehyun comments, frowning next. “But where does Beomgyu fit into it?”

“Damn hyung, you really never suspected,” Yeonjun says.

“Suspected what?”

“That Beomgyu is head over heels for those two,” he replies, flicking Taehyun’s forehead lightly. “He has that hate thing going on with Soobin but he kept talking about him the whole last year when they were lab partners. And he drools and acts like a teenage girl whenever Kai is here. How have you never seen it?”

The truth is that Taehyun never saw any of that. Beomgyu isn’t somewhere walking around with his heart on his sleeve, his hate for Soobin sounded very real to be only concealed infatuation and he never saw him acting any different around Kai. Not like Taehyun’s been paying attention, spending time more worried about not showing his own feelings over Yeonjun and talking to said boy. It’s surprising to see Beomgyu being so in love to the point that everyone can see — it makes him wonder if the people around him can see how much he’s infatuated.

“I’m busy working most of the time,” Taehyun replies. “Besides, I’m not that good at paying attention to others’ feelings.”

“Can tell,” Yeonjun mumbles. “So, there I was, dancing with Beomgyu to the same slow song but his eyes kept going over the two giggling together in their own world. So I said, why don’t you go there? And Beomgyu said, there’s no place for me there. Which was bullshit, Kai and Soobin are equally dying to have Beoms in their arms. And I said just there, but he answered with a I’m not sure, YJ. I swear is—”

“YJ?”

“It’s how he calls me,” Yeonjun replies, cheeks lightly dusted by pink.

“That’s a cool nickname. Now I can believe Beomgyu got to prom with a cool dude,” Taehyun says, mesmerized by the blush on Yeonjun’s cheeks. Pink like the foam of his favorite strawberry milkshake.

“Hyung, let me finish my storytelling before you can shower me with praises,” Yeonjun complains, his tone playful. “Then the song changed to something more upbeat, and Beoms looked at me and said, that’s my cue. And that’s how he dumped me to dance with your cousin and Kai and I end up here right in front of you telling this heartwarming story about how three teenage boys had the time of their life dancing to Girls on Film and probably sucking faces in the corridors later when they start playing another stupid slow song.”

“Please, leave the sucking face part out of this conversation,” Taehyun says, shaking his head. “The thought of Soobin kissing isn’t appealing to me.”

“Would you rather listen to me sucking faces with someone?”

“So, you came here as your second choice according to this story,” he says, changing the topic once again. Lately Yeonjun’s been more active with his flirting, using every gap Taehyun leaves to make him timid and speechless. It’s a push and pull that’s been going on for a while, and Taehyun’s not sure he can keep this up for so long anymore.

“Basically,” Yeonjun shrugs.

“You’re implicitly saying that I’m your second choice?” Taehyun risks it, slowly playing the same game Yeonjun usually hands over the cards. He’s still unsure, but he decided that if Yeonjun can play this game so easily, then he can try it too — even if he turns back before going too far.

“Never,” Yeonjun says with widened eyes.

“But that’s exactly what you said.”

“Hyung, you'd always be my first choice,” he says, looking to the side where the empty tables are. “Especially to prom. I’d have asked you, if you weren’t a rushed dude who had to be born before me.”

If victory had a taste, it’d be what Taehyun is feeling in his taste buds.

“It’s a shame,” he replies, staring at the boy. He raises a brow, resting his chin on his hand. All his embarrassment from before gone in a flash, replaced by this weird confidence he’s feeling now. “But who can assure you that I’d say yes if you asked me?”

Yeonjun's eyes widen again for a split second, before the charming smile taking its claim in his lips as he looks back at Taehyun. Much more confidence this time, way stronger than the one that’s possessing Taehyun’s body. It’s a dangerous game, the one he handed the cards to, he can see it now. Taehyun has just woken up an ancient creature that will cause his ruin, he strangely feels proud of his achievement.

“I’m sure you would, hyung.”

Taehyun pretends to think for a second, an equally charming smile on his own lips. “I don’t think so, YJ.”

“What can I do to change your mind?” Yeonjun approaches, Taehyun doesn’t back away as he’d have done in the old days. He indulges, no more pushing, only pulling until Yeonjun is the one to back away.

“Maybe asking me.”

“Do you want to go to prom with me, hyung?”

“No.”

Yeonjun’s shoulders slump with the answer, head going back as a defeated sigh escapes his lips. Taehyun cackles, savoring the way Yeonjun is having a little taste of what he usually feels. When Yeonjun looks back at him, there’s a faint gleam in his eyes, but his smile remains exactly the same. Yeonjun is really handsome, deadly handsome, dangerously handsome, the kind that would be the main character in a movie and be adored by all the girls — and Taehyun, in complete secret obviously.

“You’re way more difficult than I thought,” Yeonjun admits, raising his hands in surrender.

“Now that you admitted that I’m not one of your easy dates, I’ll go to prom with you,” Taehyun says, moving away from the counter, the large space between them going back to its expected place. “Who knows, maybe it’s happening in some parallel universe where you prompose to me and I’m still in high school.”

“How likely is it to happen in this reality?” He asks, sounding oddly hopeful.

“Not much,” Taehyun replies sincerely. “Zero chances.”

For the first time, he wishes he had been born a little later or hadn’t graduated from high school in the right time with flying grades, just to have the chance to go to prom with Yeonjun. To dance to stupid slow songs and upbeat pop music, maybe even kiss him under the bleachers at the end of the night, go somewhere once prom ends with enterwined hands. Taehyun shakes his head, this is the most absurd thought that has ever crossed his mind when it comes to Yeonjun — and he has had many, even one where Yeonjun shows up riding a horse and takes him for a ride on the beach when the sun was setting.

“It’s a shame,” Yeonjun pouts, turning his face to the jukebox, as if it were calling his name.

“Where did you get the suit?” Taehyun asks before the silence can enter the small, invisible bubble that formed around them to the sound of Rich Girl. He wonders which of the two goofballs in the kitchen put that one to play next, putting his money on the line that it was Yujin who asked Eunbi to put it, she looks like the type to love Daryl Halls & John Oates.

“Oh, this ancient thing?” Yeonjun looks down at his suit, almost like he had forgotten he was wearing it. “It’s from my old man. I think he only wore it a couple of times, got it from a box in the back of his closet gathering dust.”

Taehyun doesn’t know much about Yeonjun’s life, just as Yeonjun doesn’t know much about Taehyun’s life either. They aren’t that close, there’s no reason to give out such personal information other than a few things here and there. This is the first time that he hears Yeonjun talk about his father, it’s strange to imagine him wearing something that his father wore as well — Taehyun has absolutely not even a sock that belonged to his father in his wardrobe. The suit looks nice on Yeonjun, even if it’s not his style. As much as Taehyun has fantasized five different scenarios where he pulls that suit off Yeonjun’s body inside the men’s room, he prefers it when he wears his famous leather jacket.

“I thought you’d wear your leather jacket to prom,” he comments, drumming his fingers on the counter.

“Couldn’t even if I wanted to. I lost it a few days ago, have no idea where it is,” Yeonjun admits vaguely, not a topic that he sounds excited to talk about.

Before he can say anything, a loud shout comes from the kitchen, taking the two boys by surprise. Taehyun recognizes the shout on the spot, it’s Eunbi’s characteristic celebration when they count the points after ten matches in a row — by the sound of it, she clearly has more points than Yujin. It’s a shout Taehyun’s ears are used to, he knows a discussion about which restaurant they should go to will soon follow.

“What the hell was that?” Yeonjun asks, trying to peek at the opening.

“Noonas and their game cards,” he sighs. “It’s always like that when customers are low around here.”

“They play cards in their spare time?”

“Rummy,” Taehyun hums. “They also make bets, loser pays for the winner’s dinner. They do that almost every week.”

“Let me guess, Yujin loses every time,” he remarks.

Taehyun frowns. “How do you know?”

“Please, she looks all smitten with Eunbi-noona. Of course Yujin-noona would use that as an excuse to take her on dates, even if she has to suck it up and lose a few matches to do it.”

“Finally someone who gets it,” he comments. It’s not like Yujin’s crush is a secret, but no one else seems to watch it like he does. Heeseung even seemed surprised when Taehyun briefly talked about it, saying that he never noticed it.

“It’s be kinda impossible not to notice.” Yeonjun rolls his eyes affectionately, clicking his tongue. “This diner is filled with people in love.”

“You talk as if you’ve never been in love,” Taehyun scoffs.

“If I was in love, you’ll be the first to know, hyung.”

“Why?”

He opens a big smile, eyes slightly closed. “Because I’ll be in love with you.”

Yeonjun speaks with such ease that causes Taehyun to widen his eyes and choke on absolutely nothing, coughing so hard his chest hurts. Meanwhile, Yeonjun is looking silently at the jukebox, like he hadn’t said something so dangerous — as if an almost confession hadn’t escaped from his mouth so naturally, in a way Taehyun would never be able to do. Yeonjun didn’t say he is in love with him, he just made a hypothetical situation where he’d be in love with him. There’s no reason to dwell that much on it, his mind can stop now with the overreacting thoughts flooding all his other thoughts. Things always look so easy whenever Yeonjun does it, Taehyun wonders how it feels like to be so carefree and confident all the time.

“I’m tired of Halls & Oates,” he says with a huff, pulling a bill from his pants pocket and walking over to the jukebox.

“Five?” Taehyun asks amidst the haze of unstoppable thoughts in his head.

“Hell yeah, babe. Five songs in a row for us tonight, hyung.” Yeonjun places the note inside, eyes glued to the jukebox while choosing the songs.

For us. Yeonjun’s clearly not thinking things through before saying them, such a Yeonjun thing to do. He’s completely different from Taehyun, who often thinks and rethinks until his words are exactly what he wants people to hear and understand, no hidden meanings. Maybe that’s why he likes Yeonjun that much, because he’s so carefree about everything, almost bordering on careless.

Wait a minute. He likes Yeonjun?

He doesn’t have time to think about the importance of admitting that to himself, Dancing Queen is blaring from the jukebox, scaring his self-confession away. Yeonjun has the biggest smile possible on his face, so infectious that Taehyun feels the corner of his lips moving involuntarily in a more contained version of the smile. He goes up to the counter dancing, his steps are not elegant, but he’s clearly doing it for fun rather than trying to impress. If he thought Yeonjun dancing to a-ha was something unbelievable, it’s nothing compared to seeing him dance to ABBA.

In fact, everything about Choi Yeonjun is unbelievable to Taehyun.

“ Dancing Queen? Really?” Taehyun mocks affectionately, watching Yeonjun approach with the same confidence and lightness he carries around with him.

“If you don’t go to prom, prom comes to you.” He waves his arms as ABBA continues to play, a hand reaching out to where Taehyun is standing, an unconventional attempt to ask him to dance tonight with him.

“You’re asking me to dance?” Taehyun says, not sure how to react. There’s too much going on in a short spacetime. This is the first song of the five Yeonjun has chosen, Taehyun has no idea what’s coming next if he accepts to dance. While it’s fun, it’s slightly scary too. What would he do if a slow song suddenly played?

“Of course,” Yeonjun replies excitedly, opening and closing his hand in a sign for Taehyun to come with him. “Where’s the fun in going to prom and not dancing?”

“You literally left before dancing,” Taehyun points out, still behind the counter. There are too many implications in accepting Yeonjun’s request, in following the direction he’s calling, in holding his hand and dancing in the empty diner. Taehyun knows that if he goes, there’s no turning back anymore.

“I’ll let you know I danced one song before leaving,” he says, still moving slightly to the music, still with his hand outstretched toward Taehyun. His eyes silently ask him to come closer, Taehyun’s body almost giving away. “My prom is happening here, right now. And I’d really like to dance with you, hyung.”

“Are you really going to make me do this?”

“C’mon, it’s your chance to be the dancing queen.”

“I don’t want to dance ABBA while wearing my work uniform,” he complains, crossing his arms.

“We can wait for Whitney Houston, if you want,” Yeonjun giggles, a sound that makes everything inside Taehyun vibrate.

He knows there’s no turning back, especially when he steps out from behind the counter and allows himself to be spun around the empty diner, whirling like a pawn in Yeonjun’s hands. It’s diving into the unknown, scary and exhilarating at the same time. Taehyun giggles amidst his awkward and clumsy dance steps, he’s not that proud of his lack of dance experience, but Yeonjun doesn’t seem to mind. He’s having fun too, doing equally awkward steps and singing the songs out of tune with the singers, giving up when Madonna comes, spinning back and forth together. Taehyun hardly notices the songs changing, enjoying the moment more than he thought he would.

When a slower song starts to play, they’re panting with silly smiles on their faces. It has been a while since Taehyun has had this much fun, he can’t even remember when was the last time he danced this much with someone. Yeonjun smiles at him before approaching, restless hands stopping close to an almost breathless Taehyun, silently asking permission to touch him. Taehyun responds by inching closer, one hand on Yeonjun’s waist and the other holding his hand. Yeonjun doesn’t hesitate to put his hand on Taehyun’s shoulder, the place burning. Something welcoming, something thrilling, something shivering.

Taehyun doesn’t know this song, but he likes the sound of it. He likes that Yeonjun is so close, that he’s having fun spending the night with him, that he finally understands all that’s been happening lately. In this serenity, he can think about things he left behind. He likes Yeonjun, there’s no denying it anymore. He wants to hold Yeonjun’s hand, wants to make him smile and laugh, wants to talk to him all the time, wants to kiss and hug him, wants to be next to him. Taehyun wants everything with Yeonjun. Taehyun’s heart beats faster at the realization that his infatuation with Yeonjun is bigger than he thought. 

Yeonjun leans his head against Taehyun’s chest, their height difference going completely forgotten at this moment. “Your heart is beating so fast, hyung,” he says in an out-of-place whisper. 

“I was dancing until now. Of course my heartbeat hasn’t slowed down yet,” Taehyun replies, thankful that his voice didn’t falter. Having Yeonjun this close is affecting him a lot more, his head spinning every time the smell of the mint shampoo and gel coming from Yeonjun’s hair hits his nose.

Yeonjun chuckles. “This place is going to be packed in a few hours.”

“Are you staying for the milkshake and pancake rounds to the sound of the best pop songs on the jukebox?” Taehyun asks in a playful tone, dancing through the open space with Yeonjun’s body glued to his, guiding them in circles out of his control.

“If you ask me, I’ll think about it,” he replies, sighing softly. Taehyun can see from their reflection on the glass windows that Yeonjun has his eyes closed, his breathing slowing down.

Taehyun moves his shoulder slightly, drawing Yeonjun’s attention. “You’re not sleeping, are you?”

“I’m not sleeping, dipshit,” Yeonjun complains. “I’m just enjoying this moment.”

“You talk as if this is the last time we’ll see each other,” he scoffs, holding Yeonjun’s hand a little tighter. He knows it won’t be the last time they see each other, but he doesn’t want to lose the closeness they have. God knows when Taehyun will be able to have Yeonjun like this again.

“I really like being close to you like this, hyung,” Yeonjun whispers, nuzzling a little closer to the boy’s chest. “I wish we could be like this all the time.”

At that moment, Taehyun realizes that he not only likes Yeonjun. Liking is too little for what awakened inside him at the sound of that confession. He’s in love with Yeonjun, the simplest and easiest way you can find this feeling, careless like the words that come out of the boy’s mouth. It’s love, the type where he’d dance for hours with Yeonjun if he wanted to, kiss him anywhere if he asked, repeatedly lose rummy matches for the chance to take him to dinner. It’s not just infatuation, it’s love. A love that makes him dizzy upon the thought of being close, that makes him want to listen to every damn pop song in the world if that would make Yeonjun happy.

He rests his chin above Yeonjun’s head, feeling the hard strands coated in gel prickling his skin. Taehyun closes his eyes, enjoying the moment too, hoping that none of the girls in the kitchen or anyone else is watching this intimate moment between them. Their personal bubble is around them again, a small world where only Taehyun and Yeonjun exist, nothing else matters for now.

Taehyun is definitely in love, he knows that he has just fallen into a dead-end maze called Choi Yeonjun. He intends to wander in it for all eternity, even if he gets nowhere.

Every Sunday Kai comes to the diner during lunch hours, sitting on his favorite stool while eating sunny side up eggs with a glass of orange juice. Something very American in Taehyun’s opinion, especially when Kai starts talking about his hometown as if he didn’t move to Seoul when he was three — the probability of Kai remembering anything from this early is absolutely zero, but Taehyun listens diligently to the boy talk about the sea and the scorching midday sun. Their friendship is easy like that, Kai talks and Taehyun listens, sometimes leaving a comment here and there, laughing at each other’s jokes before a nice silence envelops them. Of all the people Taehyun is close to by now, Kai is the one he can put the friend label on without feeling weird for assuming.

“Christmas is right ‘round the corner,” Kai says with his mouth full. “Did you finish your shopping list?”

Taehyun frowns. “Shopping list?”

“Yeah, hyung,” Kai swallows his eggs, gulping the rest of the orange juice in his glass. He always does that, saying that he needs to drink first before being able to eat. “Don’t tell me you forgot to make a Christmas shopping list?”

“I didn’t even know I needed to make one,” Taehyun retorts, refilling his empty glass with more juice.

“What about your mother’s present? Your aunt’s? Your cousin? Your friends?” Kai keeps going, taking this a little more serious than necessary. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those people who thinks a hug is a good present.”

“First of all, a hug is a good present. Not everything has to be material to be special, Hyuka,” Taehyun says, flicking his forehead. “I work six days of the week. I don’t have time to make a list, nor go around looking for presents.”

“You have a day off.” Kai raises a brow, a retort always ready on the tip of his tongue — his personal talent as the middle sibling in his family.

“I have more important things to do on my day off.”

“Like what?”

“Sleep,” Taehyun huffs. “Besides, I don’t want to turn into some cheap Santa and give presents to everyone I know.”

“Ouch. I had no idea you were a meany, hyung,” Kai pouts, pointing his fork at him. “Not even Yeonjun is getting a present?”

He thinks about it, worrying his bottom lip. He’s partially joking, he already had some ideas of presents for his mother and aunt, a little thing for Soobin and even something meaningless to Beomgyu and Kai. No big things, he’s not paid enough to buy fancy presents or go around showing off. But Yeonjun’s present is still a topic he has no idea how to answer. He keeps trying to find something to give him, throwing hidden hints for Yeonjun to pick up and tell him what he wants so Taehyun can finally stop overthinking about what to give him. Right now he can see how the lack of personal sharing between them complicates things. At the end of the day, Taehyun only knows the bare minimum he sees in the diner and what Yeonjun’s friends and colleagues tell.

“I don’t know what to get him,” Taehyun confesses, sighing.

“Let me be the light at the end of the tunnel for you, hyung,” Kai proclaims, pushing his now empty plate aside and swirling his glass. “Yeonjun isn’t difficult to please. Coming from you, he’ll be happy even if you gave him this special hug of yours you talked about.”

“Don’t say it like this, it sounds weird,” Taehyun complains. There’s a clear innuendo in saying special hug , especially if it’s a thing meant for Yeonjun to be on the receiving end.

“There’s nothing weird in hugging your friends,” Kai says, one eyebrow raising next. “Or is Yeonjun more than a friend, hyung?”

Taehyun still hasn’t talked to anyone about his feelings for Yeonjun, keeping it all for himself and hiding it the best he can. Until now, no one realized that he stares a little too much at Yeonjun’s lips or that he sometimes sighs whenever he daydreams about the other when he’s not around. His feelings are a secret, one that Taehyun is hiding inside a chest for no one to see — not even Yeonjun. He doesn’t want to pride himself in it, but he’s doing a good job in concealing his feelings and pretending that Yeonjun’s flirts and winks doesn’t make his heart beat faster.

“Are you gonna tell me a good present or not?” Taehyun huffs in faux annoyance, hoping the subtle change of topic goes unnoticed by Kai.

“A leather jacket,” he replies after squinting at Taehyun for what looked like minutes. “Doesn’t need to be new or anything, Yeonjun gets all his clothes from the thrift shop anyways.”

“Why would I buy him a new one if his jacket is lost in his house?” Taehyun says, brows furrowed. “Wouldn’t it be a waste of money if I get him one and he suddenly finds his other jacket?”

“Huh?” Kai stops his glass midway in the air, not taking the gulp of juice he was ready to take. He puts the glass back on the counter, a crease forming in his forehead where his free hand is scratching now. “Hyung, where did you get that from?”

“Yeonjun told me he left it somewhere, I think. I don’t remember his words correctly,” Taehyun replies, his confusion starting to communicate with Kai’s.

“Hyung, that’s not what happened,” Kai shakes his head. “Yeonjun didn’t lose his jacket, some assholes took it.”

Taehyun gapes. “What?”

“He hadn’t told you?” Kai asks, receiving the answer in the form of a light head shake from Taehyun. “Some asshole got angry that his girlfriend broke up with him because she thought she had a chance with Yeonjun. So he stole the jacket from his locker while Yeonjun was in PE. He’ll never find that jacket even if he wanted, that douchebag must have burned or thrown it in the trash.”

Taehyun has a lot of questions to ask, but Kai won’t have answers to any of them. He’s glad he knows the truth now, even if he had to know from someone else’s mouth rather than coming from Yeonjun himself. It’s not a big deal, why didn’t Yeonjun tell him that night when they brought the jacket topic? What did he think Taehyun would do if he knew someone stole it? Not like Taehyun can do much, but at least he’ll try to comfort him somehow, he knows how important that jacket was. Taehyun can’t help but feel slightly down after knowing the truth. Did Yeonjun not trust him enough to share this piece of information?

“So, leather jacket it’d be.” Taehyun says, shaking his head to scare the questions that keep popping in his mind. He smiles to mask his sadness, watching Kai finish another glass of juice and hopefully ask for another refill. “What do you want? Better take advantage that I’m in the mood to make my list.”

“You’re kinda late, the Christmas discounts are all gone by now,” Kai comments, gladly accepting the last orange glass. It’s Kai’s limit for Sunday lunches, three glasses of orange juice without being charged for the last two.

“Oh, that’s a bummer,” Taehyun says in faux dejection. “I was really looking forward to buying you a record with a fifty percent discount.”

“Hyung, I have an employee discount on records, there’s no reason for you to spend money on that,” Kai explains, playing with the condensation in the glass sides, drawing shapes on the fog. “If anything, I should be the one buying you a record with a fifty percent discount.”

“Keep your money, kiddo,” Taehyun says. “I don’t have a favorite record yet.”

“We're gonna find you a favorite someday, hyung,” Kai says in a beaming tone. “But if you want to give me something, you can get Soobin's wrist size for me.”

Taehyun frowns. "The hell you want Soobin's wrist size for?"

"Matching bracelets, duh,” he replies matter-of-factly. "Yeonjun helped get Gyu's size last week and my sister has this bead organizer and I bought some too, so. Yeah, matching bracelets."

That’s the most Kai thing Taehyun ever had the chance to hear. Using his paycheck to buy beads and make handmade matching bracelets for the guys’ he’s into, such a Kai thing to do that makes Taehyun coo at the thought of him spending the night after his shift sitting in his bed while sorting through colors for the bracelets. It’s cute, young love in its purest form.

"Handmade matching bracelets.” Taehyun can’t hide the smile blooming on his lips. "Wow, that's a big deal, huh. It's the equivalent of putting a ring on their fingers for us queers."

Kai blushes, looking at his empty plate in embarrassment. "Hyung, it's not that serious."

"You never told me how your prom night went,” Taehyun comments, trying to change topics so Kai doesn't feel uncomfortable. All he knows about prom night is what Yeonjun told him from their conversation before Yeonjun’s private prom happened in this same place. Taehyun isn’t curious per se, but he wants to be up to all the endeavors surrounding his three friends — not like he’ll admit aloud he considers Soobin one of his friends rather than his annoying young cousin.

"Not much happened," Kai shrugs, mumbling while still staring at his place. "Danced with Binnie, then Gyu, then the two at the same time. We drank punch, talked about music and books. Not that I read much, but Binnie likes to talk about them so I make an effort. Same with Gyu and movies,” he says, fidgeting. “It’s not difficult to just sit there and listen to all they have to say.”

"That's good. I'm glad you had fun." Taehyun says, eyes set on Kai's uneasiness. He's not that easy to read when it comes to emotions, something must be really bothering him to the point that anyone could see. Taehyun isn't sure if he wants to talk about it and he doesn't want to force him. For some reason, Kai thinks that he needs to tell everything to Taehyun just because he's older — even if he's not that adamant on sharing. "Anything more you want to share with class?" Taehyun adds, choosing an easy approach for Kai to refuse if he doesn’t want to talk about it.

"I kissed them." Kai confesses, the crease in his forehead deepening. "Behind the bleachers while Kate Bush was playing."

"Which one?"

"Watching You Without Me."

"Too sad for a first kiss soundtrack." Taehyun clicks his tongue, a small flicker of pride lighting inside him upon seeing the soft chuckle Kai lets out. "How was it?"

"Different? I don't know, still don’t have an opinion about it,” he replies, drumming his fingers on the counter. "I kissed Soobin, then I kissed Beomgyu. I watched them kiss too, it was kinda hot. We tried kissing at the same time but it was weird since only our tongues were touching and—"

"Keep it G, kiddo. I don't need visual representation," Taehyun grimaces, squinting at the words. "It doesn't sound that bad."

"Because it wasn't,” Kai mumbles.

Taehyun tilts his head. "So why do you sound so down while talking about it?"

"Hyung, have you ever been in love?"

The seriousness in the question takes him by surprise. Kai is no longer fidgeting and avoiding eye-contact, he’s straight up staring into Taehyun’s eyes, his brown sugar iris glaring at his hyung while trying to convey what he’s feeling. Kai isn’t an open book, but sometimes he allows a few people to read the words on his pages, to get a glimpse of how things work for him.

"Of course," he replies, biting his tongue to prevent the truth hidden inside him from coming out. I’ve been in love, I’m in love right now. The words never leave his mind, they’re not meant for Kai to hear anyways. "Who has never been in love?"

"Me," Kai admits, swallowing. "I've never been in love.” His voice trembles slightly, the weight of letting out what is supposedly a secret taking a toll on him. “This is the first time I feel this for someone.”

Today, Taehyun has the chance to hold the book in his hands and skim through pages that tells him a story of a boy who’s never been in love before, but it’s brave enough to admit his inexperience in this field. A boy filled with fears and concerns, but still holding tight onto the strange and marvelous feeling inside of him.

"Oh, Kai."

"Not only someone, but two people at the same time," Kai continues, no longer concerned in masking his worries. "I can't get it out of my head that I'm being greedy, wanting two boys instead of being happy with only one as it was supposed to be."

For the first time, Taehyun feels useless when it comes to comforting a friend. Whereas love is a field that Kai has no idea where to step without the ground crumbling under his feet, polygamy is where Taehyun’s own battle is happening. He knows nothing about it, not the type of topic society wants to talk about when monogamy is the chosen standard — not even getting in the topic that polygamous relationship involving only boys, that’s a topic that no one will ever talk about. His empathy couldn’t help all that much, taking the fact that Taehyun himself is monogamous and never been in a place where he wanted two people at the same time, felt the same for more than a person. Nevertheless, empathy’s gonna have to do it for now. Taehyun is adamant on never seeing that crease in Kai’s forehead appear again because of his feelings towards Beomgyu and Soobin. 

"There's nothing wrong in loving Beomgyu and Soobin at the same time,” Taehyun says, trying to sound as encourageous as possible when he has no idea what to say exactly. The only thing he knows is that he needs to comfort Kai in any way he can. “You’re not greedy because of that. You just have a big heart full of love that can’t settle with less. Isn’t better having two people being on the receiving end of all that love and being twice as loved back?

"But it's not right, hyung," Kai whines, one hand combing through his hair in a distressful way. “It’s already a pain in the ass to be gay, since everyone will fucking judge me all the time for loving a boy. Now, being in love with two boys at the same time? That’s like a fucking punishment.”

"Kai, let me get something into this little head of yours," Taehyun says, touching Kai’s forehead with his forefinger. "No one is punishing you other than yourself.” He moves his hand higher, stroking the boy’s head. “You don't need to keep hurting yourself for being who you are. You only love Soobin? That's alright. You only love Beomgyu? It's alright too. You love both of them? It's fucking fine."

Kai sighs. "But, hyung—"

"Listen, I know it looks scary now because feelings are fucking terrifying and you never know how the other party feels," he says, pretending his own worries are not slipping in those words. "But don't let fear take away something you really want. Do you want both of them?"

"Yes, hyung." Kai replies without a second thought. "I never wanted someone as much as I want them."

"Go ahead, so.” Taehyun says, messing his bangs before retreating his hand. “Make them a bunch of bracelets, even put a ring on their fingers if you want to. Kiss them in the record store backroom while a song you like is playing, spend all the time you want with them. Just, be in love like you want to," he breathes out. "People will always judge us, it doesn't matter if we're in the open or hiding in the shadows."

Kai seems to think about those words for a few seconds, the crease in his forehead slowly going away, the soft skin coming back to normal. Taehyun watches closely as a small smile forms in the corner of the younger lips, his worries subsided for now. It makes happiness flow inside himself, to know that he helped Kai, even for the meantime, even for a little bit. Kai’s smile is the prettiest thing Taehyun has ever seen in Seoul, it’s impossible to not want to see it all the time — well, one of the prettiest things.

"Thanks, hyung," Kai says, the smile still weak but it’s better than the despair that was painting his face. "That really means a lot to me. You're like my queer father figure."

"Don't ever say that again please. It sounds terrible," Taehyun grimaces. Kai’s high-pitched laugh explodes the mood it was around them before, no space for that anymore. "I'll get you Soobin's wrist size, only if you help me find a nice leather jacket for Yeonjun,” he adds, changing topics before the gloom of emotions can come back.

"Oh, someone's serious about giving his friend a Christmas present,” Kai wiggles his eyebrows.

"Shut up, brat,” Taehyun rolls his eyes. “I was bluffing before, I bought presents for everyone."

"Hyung, you're such a softie," Kai coos, pinching Taehyun’s cheek with more strength than necessary. "Spending money on the important people in your life. That’s such a hyung thing to do.”

Taehyun huffs, rubbing his cheek. "Will you help me?"

"Secondhand or a new one?" Kai says, taking one of the candies from inside the jar close to the cashier that Taehyun usually gives to nice kids who say his hair is cool or looks like a chocolate and vanilla ice cream.

"Whatever's cheaper."

Yeonjun is important enough to get a new leather jacket, but Taehyun still isn't getting paid enough to buy a new one if the price is out of his paycheck.

“Are you doing something on Christmas?” Taehyun asks as soon as Yeonjun approaches the counter, another night spent in Flavoroso.

Yeonjun’s presence is so constant now that no one else notices when he arrives, acting like he’s any other employee, nothing more than a creation of Taehyun’s mind. Yeonjun spends the entire night shift sitting on the counter’s stall, making up things on the spot to talk with Taehyun, stopping only when the older has to serve a customer. Amidst the talking, Yeonjun takes control of the jukebox, choosing songs without caring that other customers might complain. Sometimes, he orders something from the menu just to have another reason to stay — he even pays for it and leaves tips especially for Taehyun, a wink in his direction while he puts a few coins inside the jar.

Taehyun overhead Beomgyu whispering to Heeseung last week that the only reason Yeonjun keeps coming everyday to the diner is because Taehyun works here. When he heard that he didn’t believe it, but now he’s slowly changing his mind, even if the rational part of his brain says that it’s unlikely. Yeonjun must have another reason for coming here that often, right?

“Why do you ask?” Yeonjun fiddles with the straw of his strawberry milkshake, the characteristic smile on his lips.

Here’s the biggest problem when it comes to Yeonjun, Taehyun never knows exactly how to act around him. He doesn’t know how to say things in a way that Yeonjun can understand exactly what he wants, but wants the words to have another meaning that only they will know. Taehyun isn’t insecure when it comes to his looks, but he doesn’t really know what Yeonjun thinks of him — his flirting isn’t something to take seriously, Yeonjun always flirts with everyone. A part of Taehyun keeps reminding him over and over again that Yeonjun isn’t the type to be with only one person, he carries a large collection of broken hearts in his back as proof of it. Taehyun doesn’t want to be another heart in his collection, what Yeonjun wants remains a mystery to him.

Taehyun wishes it was easier, that he could say all he feels to Yeonjun and give an end to the weight of feelings above his back that seem to get heavier every time he sees the boy approaching the counter.

“Mom and aunt are throwing a Christmas party. Well, it’s not really a party, more of a family celebration, the four of us. In this case, Soobin is the fourth person. It’s the first time they’ll make real food, but I don’t think it’ll taste that good since none of them are good cooks,” Taehyun babbles, something he realized he does a lot around Yeonjun ever since their moment on prom night. “Anyways, they said I could invite someone if I wanted.”

“Hyung, are you inviting me to meet your mother?” Yeonjun gasps, putting a hand on his chest. “Before taking me out for dinner?”

“You dine here for free almost every night.” Taehyun rolls his eyes affectionately. “We’ve had enough dinners together already.”

“I meant on a date, hyung.” Yeonjun puts the straw in his mouth and takes a long sip of the milkshake, never breaking eye-contact with Taehyun.

“Why would we go on a date?” He sputters, followed by an embarrassed laugh while he looks at the partially full diner. Taehyun isn’t embarrassed of Yeonjun or the idea of going on a date, but he’s still not that open about his sexuality to talk about this topic in front of a bunch of strangers.

“I don’t know, hyung,” Yeonjun shrugs. “You tell me.”

The slight disappointment in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed by Taehyun’s sharp ears, but he’s still not brave enough to call Yeonjun on a date or be so open about what he feels when it comes to the younger.

“Anyways, I’m sure Soobin will bring Beomgyu and Kai, so you don’t need to worry about being the only out-of-family person there.”

“Hyung, Hueningie is not in town,” Yeonjun says, head leaning in his hand. “He always spends Christmas with his grandparents in Busan.”

“Oh, that’s a bummer,” he comments, blushing slightly for assuming that Kai was available to come — he should’ve double checked that information before telling Yeonjun. “Well, I think Beomgyu will come.” 

For his luck, Beomgyu is walking to where they are right in that moment, his hair shaggy as always, the tiredness an permanent emotion on his face — but lately it didn’t go unnoticed how his eyes is shining a little bit more, especially when Taehyun sees the boy looking at the beads bracelet on his wrist. Soobin has been doing the same thing, both equally enamored by Kai’s early Christmas gift. They’re probably not together yet, but they’re much further ahead than Taehyun and his abnormal crush on Yeonjun.

“Hey, Beomgyu,” Taehyun calls when Beomgyu is approaching the kitchen opening, plates full of pancakes and waffles waiting for him to deliver to tables.

“Hyung, can’t talk right now,” he says, picking the two plates.

“I just wanted to know if you’re gonna spend Christmas in my aunt’s house,” Taehyun asks before Beomgyu can go away.

“Oh, it’s not gonna happen, hyung,” Beomgyu says, sounding apologetic. “My family is very restrict with holidays, we always have to spend them together as a family. My dad has these weird conventional family image he likes to show to others. I’m sorry.”

“It’s nothing, don’t worry.” Taehyun smiles in reassurance, bidding goodbye to the boy and watching him go away with the plates in hand. Sometimes he’s glad he got the counter position, walking around as a waiter looks tiresome. He turns back to look at Yeonjun, who’s already staring at him with raised brows. “You know, you don’t have to come to my family’s Christmas celebration.” Taehyun sighs, defeated. It was a terrible idea from the beginning. “You must have other plans for that date. Besides, it’s not like we’re close enough for me to—”

“Who says we’re not close?” Yeonjun interrupts, raising an accusatory brow.

“We are?” Taehyun ventures aloud, turning away to the cashier where two customers are waiting.

“‘course.” Yeonjun cracks a smile, the type that makes Taehyun’s heart get giddy. “Hyung is the first on the list of people I’d call to rescue me if I get beat up out there like the old times.”

“I hope that’s a good thing,” Taehyun laughs. That’s the most Yeonjun thing he has ever heard in all these months of knowing the boy.

Yeonjun stands up from the stool he was sitting on, stretching his arms upward. Taehyun notices he’s wearing a navy blue knitted sweater with a denim jacket, his leather jacket never seen on his body ever since those douchebags from his school stole it. If it weren’t for his boots and the always colored locks in his hair — it’s red this month, very Christmassy of him —, people might not even recognize him on the streets. Taehyun thinks he looks good anyway, but maybe that’s the embarrassingly-in-love part inside him talking.

“About the invitation to your family’s Christmas party,” Yeonjun starts, catching Taehyun’s attention. He blushes upon being caught staring at the glimpse of skin in Yeonjun’s belly when he was stretching. Taehyun is five minutes from freaking out in the diner and kissing Yeonjun square on the lips in front of everyone.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, really,” he says eagerly, not wanting Yeonjun to feel obligated to come only because Taehyun invited him to, he can handle a holiday sulking to the sound of Christmas carols while pretending everything is fine. Taehyun goes back to the place he was before, staring at the brownish foam that’s sticking to the bottom of the milkshake glass. “I won’t be sad or anything if you don’t go.”

Yeonjun tips his head to the side. “Hyung, do you want me to go?”

“I—” Taehyun stops, taking a deep breath. He wants Yeonjun to go, he wants it so much. It’s so easy to say, just a few words that won’t hurt anyone. He can do it, he knows he can. “Yes, I want you to go,” he breathes out after the words could choke him.

“Then I’ll go.”

“That’s not how it works,” Taehyun complains. “You can’t go just because I want you to. It’s about what you want too, that’s the priority.”

“But I want to go to your family’s Christmas party,” Yeonjun pouts.

Taehyun gapes, eyes widened. “You want to go?”

“You really think I’d miss homemade food and bad Christmas carols? Count me in, hyung.” Yeonjun grins.  “Besides, it’s way better than watching the same Christmas specials on TV by myself.”

“That’s nice,” Taehyun says, still a little stunned that Yeonjun genuinely wants to spend Christmas with him. “I mean, not you watching Christmas specials by yourself, but the other part. The wanting to spend Christmas with my family part,” he adds, laughing nervously.

Yeonjun huffs a laugh. “Just tell me where, I’ll be there by seven.”

Taehyun acts almost automatically after Yeonjun’s words, writing down the address of his aunt’s house on one of the sheets of his notepad and handing it to Yeonjun. Their fingers brush, even if it doesn’t light the same spark from the first time, it still makes Taehyun hold his breath for a second. Never in his nineteen years alive, Taehyun has held his breath over something as meaningless as fingers brushing. Yeonjun seems to have the power of bringing weird and new sensations to Taehyun. Yeonjun puts the piece of paper away in his pants pocket, leaning a little on the counter to get closer to Taehyun’s face.

“Don’t think that just because I’m going to your family’s house you’re getting away from taking me out to dinner sometime, hyung,” Yeonjun says in a low tone, words meant only for Taehyun to listen. He touches the tip of Taehyun’s nose with a forefinger, walking out of the diner.

Taehyun stares at the door, flabbergasted by the touch, the tip of his nose tingling. Later, when the diner is about to close and he’s cleaning the tables, he wonders if it was a good idea to invite hurricane Yeonjun to his family’s Christmas party.

In all the scenarios he created in his head since talking to Yeonjun that September afternoon, he never pictured the boy standing in the front door of his aunt’s house, a horrible red sweater the same shade of the highlights in his hair, a small bundle in his left hand. Yeonjun has a big, bright smile on his lips, his whole face beaming under the yellowish light of the porch, little snowflakes stuck in his hair. Yeonjun looks like a dream that turned into reality. Taehyun almost questions if he’s dozing off on the couch, dreaming of silly Christmas scenarios involving them.

“Hyung, hi,” Yeonjun greets. It’s the first time since they started this unusual friendship that Yeonjun greets him properly. “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, Yeonjun,” he replies, making room for Yeonjun to enter the house.

As always, he’s wearing his usual boots, the sight of them bringing a sense of comfort to Taehyun. It’s weird to see Yeonjun in a different place, out of their comfort zone that is the diner. A good weird, Taehyun wonders why they never met anywhere other than the diner. Yeonjun shakes his head like a dog, brushing off snowflakes that stick to his hair. Taehyun involuntarily smiles as he closes the door behind him, looking at Yeonjun as if expecting him to disappear. He never thought he’d see Yeonjun here, standing in the hall of his aunt’s house, looking at everything around with twinkling, curious eyes.

Yeonjun walks over to a wall with a few pictures of Soobin and his aunt, whistling. “It’s a nice house you have.”

“It’s not my house,” he says, standing in the same spot. “We’re living here for a while. At least it was supposed to be for a while, but I don’t think we’re leaving anytime soon.”

“It’s easier to say it’s your house, hyung,” Soobin chimes in, coming down the stairs with some records in hand, wearing the hideous sweater Taehyun’s mother tried to knit a few days ago. Taehyun is also wearing one, but he’d rather pretend he’s not. Both boys turn toward Soobin, stopping a few steps at the end of the stairs, staring at Yeonjun as if he were the wrong piece in the puzzle.

“‘sup nerd,” Yeonjun greets in a teasing tone, smirking.

“Hey bonehead,” Soobin greets back with an eye roll. He points a finger at Yeonjun, saying in an almost accusatory tone, “Didn’t know you were invited.”

“Told you yesterday he was coming, before your all-important pre-Christmas D&D match,” Taehyun butts in, looking at Soobin with furrowed brows.

Yeonjun winks at Soobin. “The party needed a good attraction, that’s why hyung called me.”

“I didn’t know you can hire clowns at Christmas too,” he mocks.

“‘course you can. You’re right here, aren’t you?” Yeonjun retorts in equal mockery, his smile never faltering.

“Not gonna hit you because of Christmas spirit and because my mom is in the next room,” Soobin huffs, walking down the last steps, bumping into Yeonjun’s shoulder as he passes to go to the living room. Yeonjun gives a loud laugh back, the same one he did the first time Taehyun saw him.

“Do you have some hate-love thing going on with him too?” Taehyun crossed his arms, raising one brow.

“Ew, no,” Yeonjun grimaces, attention back to the pictures on the wall. “I’m not Beoms, nor Hyuka. That’s just how Soobin and I normally talk whenever we bump into each other.”

Taehyun watches Yeonjun's curious eyes staring at all the pictures. He has no idea what’s so fascinating about a wall full of baby pictures of Soobin and some of his aunt, but something in Yeonjun’s eyes says that he finds it amazing. Taehyun can only smile.

“Are you going to spend all night staring at Soobin’s face on the wall?” Taehyun calls out.

“It’s impressive,” Yeonjun whistles once again. “Soobin always had a big head.”

Taehyun walks close to where Yeonjun is, taking a peek at the pictures. He’s been here for months and never paid too much attention to the pictures, nothing interesting in seeing the few pictures his aunt has alone with Soobin and a haul full of his young cousin's life. The opening that leads to the living room is right behind them. He faintly hears Soobin whining that he doesn’t have a big head amidst the opening instrumental of a Carpenters Christmas song.

“Now that you pointed it out, he sure had a big head when he was younger,” Taehyun says.

“I’m telling you, hyung,” Yeonjun laughs, something more contained and low, a contrast to his usual laugh. “You don’t have pictures of yourself?”

“My mom keeps my pictures somewhere else in her room,” Taehyun explains, turning to enter the living room. “It’s not our house, no reason to have my face plastered on the walls.”

Yeonjun seems to think for a second, before shrugging and moving away from the Soobin haul. “Yeah, whatever.”

The night passes in an unusual quietness and calm, taking Taehyun by surprise the whole time. He felt like a thread was about to break whenever his aunt or mom bombarded Yeonjun with questions, almost not giving him time to eat the dull mashed potatoes and slightly burnt meat. The embarrassing introductions and explanations of how they know each other and why Taehyun only makes friends with young people wasn’t as bad as he was expecting it’d be when he thought about it last night before sleeping. The only technically uncomfortable and bothersome moment was the hundred questions about himself that Yeonjun had to answer as if his life depended on it. Taehyun felt like sticking his head into the mashed potatoes until he drowned, but he survived supper and even received praises for having such a polite friend when he and his mother were putting the dirty dishes in the sink — he hears Soobin holding back a laugh as he puts his own dishes in the sink.

After supper, their bonding time is absolutely over and no one cares about each other’s presence anymore. His mother and aunt sat on chairs in the kitchen, drinking the expensive wine his mother won from someone at work and chatting away as they do whenever they have time. Soobin filled a plate with desserts, sitting in front of the TV with the phone on his ears, laughing and talking to someone while watching an old Christmas episode rerun of Full House. From the way he’s smiling and whispering things, Taehyun is sure that he’s either talking to Beomgyu or Kai.

Which leaves only Taehyun and Yeonjun, the older quickly pulling Yeonjun by the arm up the stairs to the room he shares with Soobin.

“I can’t believe you’re forced to share a room with him,” Yeonjun says, fiddling with the bookshelf where Soobin keeps some books that Taehyun has never seen him reading but apparently has been read more than once according to Kai.

“It’s that or live on the street,” Taehyun says, closing the bedroom door and locking it to make sure soobin doesn’t get in the way — even if he’s busy being lovey-dovey with one of his crushes, you’ll never sure when he’s going to barge in. “And it’s not that bad once you get used to it.”

“That’s a good point.” Yeonjun purses his lips, moving around the room bashfully, like he doesn’t know what to do. He gets closer to the bed, pointing at the bottom bunk with his head, “Is that where you sleep?”

Taehyun nods. “Soobin picked the top before I could get the chance.”

Yeonjun sits on the edge, restless hands brushing against the mattress, against his thighs, scratching the back of his neck, repeating the movements over and over again. It’s funny to see the usual confident boy acting like this, it almost gives Taehyun enough confidence to point out the change in demeanor, but he stays quiet. The small package he brought with him is on the bed, on top of the new sheets Taehyun laid out a few days ago. It’s equally strange to see Yeonjun here, sitting on his bed in the room he shares with his younger cousin. Yeonjun looks out of place, as if he doesn’t belong here. It’s alright, Taehyun feels like he doesn’t belong here too sometimes.

“I have a gift for you,” Taehyun says, disentangling himself from the door and walking over to his share of the wardrobe. He takes the wrapped package from inside, complete with a red bow and gift-paper with red-nosed reindeer patterns. Taehyun asked Kai to choose something more discreet, but the younger was adamant in coming full Christmas-style. The package is silly, but he hopes Yeonjun will smile when he sees it anyway.

Yeonjun’s eyes widen when he sees the package in Taehyun’s hand. “Hyung, you didn’t have to.”

“Don’t give that bullshit,” Taehyun grimaces.

“I mean it, you shouldn’t have bothered with it.”

“Yeonjun, shut up and let your hyung give you something for once.”

Taehyun walks over to the bed, standing in front of Yeonjun. He hands the package to the boy, a proud smile on his face for having bought something with his own money. All his money to be exact, the plan of buying a secondhand leather jacket was thrown to the wind when he saw a new one in a department store and decided it was the perfect present to Yeonjun — Kai’s gonna call him whipped for his whole life, but nothing matters except seeing Yeonjun happy. Said boy looks hesitant in accepting, hands shaky as he takes the package, taking his time to put it in his lap. Taehyun motions silently for him to unwrap the gift, anxiety gnawing his insides. Yeonjun takes one last look at the older before pulling the red bow, unwrapping the paper with the greatest care in the world.

“Taehyun-hyung, it’s a—” he begins, but can’t finish.

Taehyun smiles. “I hope you like it.”

“You have no idea how much I like it.” Yeonjun stretches out the brand new leather jacket that Taehyun spent all his paycheck on. Honestly, he doesn’t even care about the money spent anymore, the shine in Yeonjun’s eyes and the smile on his face is way worthy.

Yeonjun doesn't take his eyes off the jacket, not even for a second, expecting it to magically disappear under his nose like a mirage. He blinks sometimes, looking from the jacket to Taehyun, still unable to say anything about it besides how much he liked it, completely stunned by the gift. He holds the clothing in his lap delicately, a smile on his lips so warm that makes Taehyun melt under his sweater.

“This is the first time anyone has ever given me something like this,” he says softly, fingers brushing the leather carefully.

“What? A leather jacket?” Taehyun jokes.

“Something meaningful,” Yeonjun replies, not paying attention to the joke. “Something the person saw and bought with me in mind.”

Taehyun blushes, looking away to hide it. “It’s no problem.”

“Thank you, hyung.” Yeonjun’s eyes are full of gratitude and Taehyun feels like his heart is about to combust. “This means a lot to me. It’s the best present I could ever get.”

“Kai told me what those assholes did to your old jacket. I’m sorry about it, even if it’s so late,” Taehyun says, voice so low it could be misguided as a whisper. “Also sorry for making Kai tell me. I know you probably didn’t wanted me to know.”

“That’s not it, hyung.” Yeonjun sighs, his hands gripping the package harder. “I wanted to tell you, back on that day.”

“Why didn’t you?” Taehyun blurts out, coughing next to mask it. “Not that you need to feel forced to tell me everything that happens to you.”

“You can chill out, hyung. I’m not like Kai,” he chuckles, the sound too weak to be taken as a real chuckle. “I didn’t tell you because I was scared you’d get the situation wrong.”

Taehyun furrows his eyebrows. “Huh?”

“I didn’t wanted you to think I was having something with that girl,” Yeonjun mumbles. “The one that broke up with her boyfriend because of me. I didn’t wanted you to think we’re together.”

Taehyun freezes, his heart beating faster upon hearing the words. Yeonjun was worried about what he’d think, how he’d react over what happened — how he’d perceive the situation when knowing someone broke up a relationship because of Yeonjun. Hope lights inside him like a flickering flame, the lightest breath capable of blowing out, Yeonjun’s words acting as papers thrown to make the fire grow. Taehyun wants to say something, wants to gather the confidence he was sporting before and finally tell Yeonjun everything he’s keeping inside. But he can’t. He can’t tell him that he loves the boy, that he’d spend all his monthly paycheck on jackets and other presents if it makes Yeonjun smile so bright, that he wants to kiss him every time he sees him.

The only thing preventing the silence from spreading through the room is the muffled Christmas carol playing down in the living room. Taehyun slowly sits down next to Yeonjun, keeping a relatively large space between them. The space fits a curious Soobin, it bothers Taehyun for some reason. He doesn’t want to be away, doesn’t want to always have a barrier between them — even if it's invisible like the one in the middle of their bodies.

“My present’s gonna look lame compared to yours,” Yeonjun mumbles, scrunching his nose, eyes boring holes in the jacket on his lap.

“You didn’t have to get me something too,” Taehyun says, his throat closing around the words, almost choking on them.

Yeonjun chuckles. “You just told me to cut the bullshit and now do the same thing.”

“I’m the hyung here, I’m the one who needs to give gifts,” he retorts.

“You deserve gifts too, hyung,” Yeonjun says, the pout naturally forming in his lips. It’s cute, Taehyun has the urge to kiss it every single time.

“No matter what it is, I’ll love it,” Taehyun assures him, anxiety burning inside him while looking at the small package that lies lightly behind Yeonjun on the bed.

“What if it’s a free coupon for breakfast at Flavoroso?” Yeonjun asks, the playful tone back to his voice.

“Maybe I won’t like it that much,” Taehyun replies, grimacing. Yeonjun giggles, the deep sound making shivers run through his body. “But since you’re the one giving it to me, I’ll take it anyway.”

Yeonjun raises a brow. “So the rule is to like everything I give you even if it’s something bad?”

“More or less,” Taehyun shrugs.

“Hyung, aren’t you being a little too biased when it comes to me?”

Taehyun shrugs again, closing his mouth before he can say something embarrassing. Yeonjun smirks, turning back slightly so he can pick up the small package, carefully placing it in Taehyun’s lap and looking away. The blush in his ears and cheeks doesn’t go unnoticed, nor the way his hands are shaking lightly and he looks fidgeting. Taehyun smiles, picking up the package and holding it as carefully between his hands. He has no idea what it is, but the shape is strangely familiar to him. He doesn’t roam around, ripping the pinkish paper carelessly, a cassette tape showing under.

taehyun-hyung, scribbled in red pen with a little heart by the side. Yeonjun made him a mixtape. The same thing Taehyun sees guys and girls make to the ones they like whenever he visits the music store near the diner — “Such a cliché. Gosh, people don’t know how to be authentic,” Kai usually complains, but he himself made both Beomgyu and Soobin a mixtape with the handmade bracelets. Yeonjun took the time to choose songs for him, record them on a cassette tape in the backrooms of the music store and give it as a Christmas present for him.

“I know it’s cliché and very lame, but I had no idea what to give you. It’s not like you let out the things you like for me to pick up, so I took a chance on music,” Yeonjun babbles in a nervous tone, an embarrassed chuckle coming out next. “I don’t know the type of songs you like, so you probably gonna hate it,” he continues, fiddling with the jacket zipper. “I was gonna give it to you after Christmas, but since you invited me here, I thought it was the best time to give it. It’s nothing big, you know? Just some songs I listen to and I think you’ll like them.” He keeps going, suddenly stopping and widening his eyes, mortified that he’s been talking all this time. “I’m sorry for assuming that you’ll like them. Even if you don’t, it’s not a problem. Hyung can give it back to me and we can pretend—”

“Yeonjun,” Taehyun interrupts, the smile on his lips gradually growing whenever he looks at the tape in his hand. “I love it. It’s amazing.”

“You do?” Yeonjun asks, surprised.

“It’s the first time anyone has ever made me a mixtape,” he says, staring mesmerized at Yeonjun’s handwriting on the tape. A mixtape for him. Made for him, not just chosen from the pile it has on the record store. By someone he adores so much, someone he hopes is feeling the same way. It’s the first Christmas since his childhood that Taehyun gets happy to receive a present.

Yeonjun gapes. “You’re kidding.”

“Not a bit.”

“Hyung! If I had known this, I’d have made one for you months ago,” he says, perplexed by the acknowledgement that Taehyun never received something as ordinary as a mixtape.

Taehyun closes his eyes, his heart soaring. “You made me one now, that’s all that matters.”

He notices there’s a folded piece of paper inside the tape holder, a page ripped from a notebook. Taehyun carefully opens it, pulling the sheet out. Yeonjun is silently watching him, as if expecting his reaction after reading what’s written. To be sincere, Taehyun doesn’t understand much upon unfolding the paper, Yeonjun’s scrawling handwriting getting in the way a bit — it dawns on Taehyun that he never saw Yeonjun’s handwriting until this point, so many pieces of the boy still hidden from him, but Taehyun still has fallen deeper than he’s ever had before. When he understands everything, after re-reading three times to make sure, he can’t shake off the swarm of butterflies taking a leap inside his stomach. Taehyun feels like throwing up all the food he had a few hours ago, but in a good way. In fact, he’s tethering on vomiting his feelings all over Yeonjun.

taehyun-hyung, merry christmas! i hope you like the songs on this mixtape, even if theyre not your style. i think of you every time i listen to each one of them (especially madonna, and since im always listening to madonna that means im always thinking about you. by the time i gave you this mixtape, ill probably have said how much i like you. not as a friend. i love you way more than friends should love each other, hyung.

i hope we can kiss while angel is playing someday, it’s one of the fantasies i have with you that pops into my head whenever i listen to this one.

ps: remember when i said that alice in chains is good? i was lying. hyung, why do you like their songs? its just as bad as the smiths. i hope you can forgive me for lying. 

from your favorite boy, yeonjun.

Yeonjun coughs. “About what’s written, I—”

“Do you mean it?” Taehyun interrupts before Yeonjun can take the words back, before he gets all the butterflies from inside his stomach and plucks their wings off so they can no longer fly.

“I—” Yeonjun stops, swallowing any excuse he can give. “Yes, hyung. Every single word.”

Taehyun sighs, so deeply that all his relatives in other parts of the house may have heard. He closes his eyes, swimming in this weird feeling of being equally adored, the taste of what it feels like to be reciprocated. His mind is dizzy, fireworks going off in his ears, his heart beating as fast as it always does when it’s close to Yeonjun, the butterflies flapping their delicate wings in full motion. Yeonjun likes him. Yeonjun wants to kiss him. Taehyun doesn’t believe in miracles, but what he’s seeing right now is the well-known Christmas miracle.

“You really lied when you said Alice in Chains is good?” Taehyun says, trying to calm down his heart before it flees from his chest.

Yeonjun blinks at him. “Hyung, that’s the part you want to talk about?”

“Well, if you want to tell me more about your fantasy of kissing me while Angel is playing, I’m all ears.” Taehyun shrugs in faux nonchalance.

“Yeah,” Yeonjun blushes profoundly, chuckling nervously, “that part is a little—”

“I don’t have Madonna here, and I’m glad for that because I don’t like her songs that much,” Taehyun interrupts, a finger on Yeonjun’s lips to silence him. He watches the younger’s brows furrowing, unable to contain the smile that blooms on his own lips. “But how do you feel about kissing to the sound of Carpenters?”

Yeonjun takes a moment to understand what Taehyun said, his eyebrows shooting up and coming back to place. “Nothing sexier than kissing while Christmas carols are playing,” he says, lips brushing against Taehyun’s index finger with each uttered word. The urge to kiss those plump and soft lips burning harder inside Taehyun.

“In my opinion, it’s way better than kissing while—”

Taehyun doesn’t have time to finish, Yeonjun’s lips are on his in a blink of an eye. Just brushing against each other in a searing touch until Taehyun’s mind processes what’s happening and responds without delay. He puts his hands around the back of Yeonjun’s neck, pulling him close, finally breaking down the invisible wall between them. Yeonjun smiles before putting his hands on Taehyun's waist, his tongue licking Taehyun’s lips in a silent request. Taehyun opens his lips without having to be asked twice, the kiss deepening, tongues brushing against each other, exploring this new sensation. It’s a quiet kiss, none of the desperation they were feeling before reaching the surface. Taehyun is surprised how soft and easy it is to kiss Yeonjun, the calmness slowly giving an end to the craving going rampage inside him ever since he saw Yeonjun in the back of Flavoroso kissing that guy.

To the muffled sound of Merry Christmas Darling, Taehyun lets himself sigh deeply as his lips remain close to Yeonjun’s, bodies tangled to the point that there’s no room for anything other than the desire being satiated within them. Even if a mixtape made for him and spending the Christmas with the boy he’s in love is cool, Taehyun couldn’t ask for a better Christmas present than being able to kiss Yeonjun until they’re flushed and breathless, giggling and talking in hushed breathes, repeating it until someone comes after them — he hopes no one comes, so this never ends. Taehyun wants Christmas to last forever this year, if it means to be like this with Yeonjun forever.

Taehyun would be lying if he said that kissing Yeonjun is only good. It’s more than that, much more. Whenever their lips are together it’s like everything inside him lines up perfectly, no other feeling makes him as vivid as kissing Yeonjun everywhere and whenever he wants. They still keep it hidden obviously, Taehyun doesn’t want to get in trouble after having spent months waiting to do it. The world won’t change only because Taehyun wants to kiss Yeonjun whenever he sees him, being with a boy still isn't ideal in society's eyes. In the meantime, he enjoys the stolen kisses. He came to learn that Yeonjun is an avid kisser, the type that prides himself on drawing sweet sighs from Taehyun with his tongue, both always waiting for more, never settling for just one kiss. 

Taehyun isn’t ashamed to admit that nowadays he spends more time thinking about when he’ll kiss Yeonjun again rather than anything else.

They haven’t talked about what they are, where they stand in the labels that they could put in what they have. Taehyun couldn’t care less about it. Yeonjun keeps coming to the diner just as often, stays until the end of business hours to walk Taehyun home even if it’s not necessary, and obviously kisses him in some alley hidden behind garbage cans. For some, that would be the opposite of something nice, but it’s perfect in Taehyun’s view. It’s not something complicated, their feelings and how they see each other; there’s no reason to make it complicated. 

Taehyun likes Yeonjun, Yeonjun likes Taehyun, simple as that.

Yeonjun arrives early tonight, greeting Heeseung and Wooyoung, the two boys chatting excitedly with him when they notice the boy’s arrival. Beomgyu manages a wave and a complaint that Yeonjun should’ve told him the wrist size was from the matching bracelets he got, disappearing into the kitchen before Yeonjun got to the counter. Is some kind of silent agreement that all the other employees had to leave Taehyun and Yeonjun alone ever since everyone came back from the year-end holidays. He knows exactly what they’re doing, since it’s the same thing he does to the kitchen noonas, even if they spend most of the time alone in the kitchen rather than being bothered.

“You really should stop thinking Alice in Chains is good, hyung,” Yeonjun complains, scrunching his nose when he realizes that Man in the Box is playing on the jukebox.

“You’re actually the only person I know that doesn’t like them, just like you’re the only guy who hates The Smiths,” Taehyun comments, turning to the kitchen opening and picking up the plate of bacon and eggs that’s waiting to be served to a bearded man sitting closer. “Just so you know, I wasn’t the one who put that one on.”

“People with bad musical taste are everywhere among us,” Yeonjun huffs, leaning his head against the counter, ignoring the stares the bearded man throws at him.

By the time Taehyun finishes serving more coffee to customers on the counter, Alice in Chains has been replaced by a song he can’t recognize. Yeonjun never leaves the jukebox alone when he’s in the diner, everyone has given up trying to put on any other song when he’s present. He always complains about it, except to Heeseung and Yujin, avid Madonna fans as well. Another hobby Yeonjun has when he’s in the diner, is complain about Taehyun’s music taste, teasing him until he admits he liked the songs on his special mixtape.

He likes it, but he’ll rather eat his own arm than admit aloud that Lucky Star is a good song.

The song is upbeat, Yeonjun moves back and forth to it, dancing in his own way. His now turquoise locks sways softly as he sings and dances around the lounge. He pulls Heeseung by the arm and dances near the tables, singing the song as the boy giggles, letting Yeonjun move him whoever he wants, slowly warming up and singing together. Yeonjun has his next target in sight, Wooyoung finishing an order, eyes widening when Yeonjun holds him by the waist and they dance until they're close to the counter. A few customers laugh at Yeonjun’s little show, some move their heads to the music playing, some pretend nothing’s happening.

“Hyung, did you know that’s my favorite song?” Yeonjun says to him before spotting Beomgyu coming out of the kitchen, walking in dancing steps to the boy’s direction. Beomgyu spots Yeonjun’s smug grin and it’s about to turn around, but isn’t quick enough to run away from Yeonjun’s happiness.

Taehyun watches the whole scene, chin resting on his hand, smiling passionately. He’s so in love with Yeonjun that he can’t help but react this way whenever he sees the younger enjoying himself — it’s something that’s turning into a common occurrence when they’re together, but Taehyun still reacts the same way, always. Yeonjun makes faces while singing and dancing, ignoring Beomgyu’s grimace as he goes back and forth across the room with the boy in his arms. Something in Taehyun’s chest always warms up every time he sees Yeonjun so happy like this, so carefree. Taehyun couldn’t be more in love.

“Taehyun-hyung, please do something,” Beomgyu pleads as they pass near where he is behind the counter, desperation shining in his brown orbs.

Taehyun chuckles. “Sorry Gyu, nothing I can do. You know Choi Yeonjun better than me.”

The song comes to an end, Yeonjun eventually letting Beomgyu go, a sigh of relief leaving the other boy’s lips even if he’s trying to hide his smile. One of the customers near the jukebox is quick to put another song, this time something that Taehyun is happy to know. The man takes one look at Yeonjun, who’s frowning at him for putting something else before he had the chance to pick another song. Yeonjun knows he’ll have to wait until the song is over now, he walks over to the same stool he always sits on the counter — the one closer to the cashier, so he can keep looking and talking to Taehyun while he’s working.

Yeonjun’s panting a little, his smile and the sparkle in his eyes the same as when he was wandering around the diner. His hair is messy, still deadly handsome, always the mesmerizing type. Taehyun can feel his breath being taken away under Yeonjun’s beauty, especially when he’s wearing the jacket that he gave as a gift. Yeonjun hasn’t taken it off ever since he got it that night, it makes something in Taehyun’s chest bloom to think that the younger is walking around all the time with something he gave him.

“This song is good,” Yeonjun says, straining to say the words, breath slowly coming back to normal.

“It’s Queen,” Taehyun comments. It’s an incredible coincidence that the song playing explains exactly how he’s feeling at the moment.

“You like it?” Yeonjun asks, running a hand through his hair to tidy up the strands that are brushing against his face.

“Kai likes them a lot, I listen to it sometimes when he begs me for a whole day,” he says, standing near the cashier as he takes the money and thanks the customer with the same words. “My mother also likes them.”

“I was going to make a shitty comment about Kai’s music taste, but if Mrs. Kang likes them, then it’s good shit,” Yeonjun says.

“You need to stop shaming Kai for his music taste, it’s not that bad.”

Yeonjun pouts. “Hyung, stop picking Kai’s side, it makes me feel less like your favorite boy.”

“When did I say you were my favorite one?”

“Ouch, that hurts.” Yeonjun puts a hand on his chest. “I’ve been fighting so hard for the favorite boy spot.”

Taehyun shakes his head, crossing his arms. “There’s no such thing, Yeonjun. You’re fighting for something that doesn’t exist.”

“You’re telling me I don’t have a special place made only for me?” Yeonjun bats his eyelashes, looking so cute that Taehyun could melt only from the sight.

“You also need to stop boot-licking my mother,” Taehyun changes the topic, hoping the blush in his cheeks isn’t that visible under the yellowish lights. “She asked about you a few days ago.”

“She did?” Yeonjun sounds surprised, the whole cute-ish act from before forgotten as his eyes widen.

“Yes,” he nods, receiving the money from another customer and repeating the same words over again.

“What did she ask you?” Yeonjun asks, a hint of curiosity in his voice.

“What have you been up to, things mom usually asks about friends that boot-licks her,” Taehyun replies, smiling sideways.

“And what did you say?”

“I said you were getting your ass kicked around for breaking someone’s heart.”

“Oh, hyung, you know me so well,” Yeonjun smirks.

“What can I say,” Taehyun moves back closer to Yeonjun, his body acting on its own. “I’m about to graduate with a degree in Yeonjunlogy.”

“I heard it’s a very relevant course these days,” he winks. “You made a great choice.”

“Can you guys stop flirting at the counter?” Beomgyu says, walking past them to take orders at the kitchen opening. “There’s people eating here. Stop being disgusting for God’s sake.”

“We’re not flirting,” Taehyun is fast to reply, his cheeks beginning to burn.

“You say as if you wouldn’t be flirting with Kai if he wasn’t here in my place,” Yeonjun replies casually. “You think I don’t know about your movie quotes filled with second meanings?”

“Shut up, dickhead,” Beomgyu huffs, suddenly embarrassed, his shaggy hair covering his flushed face slightly. “Just stop being lovey-dovey. Everyone can see how in love you both are, tone it down a bit.”

Yeonjun’s eyebrows furrow. “What’s wrong with people knowing I love Taehyun-hyung?”

“I’ll pretend you didn’t ask me that,” Beomgyu says, rolling his eyes as he holds two plates of egg sandwiches. “Also tell Kai to stop fucking telling you every single thing if he still wants to have one of his boyfriends.”

“Beoms, don’t be mean to him,” Yeonjun whines, looking at Beomgyu going away.

“Love?” Taehyun repeats in a question when Beomgyu is far, a whisper meant only for Yeonjun and him to hear.

Taehyun has never used the word with L aloud. It sounds more meaningful than saying he likes Yeonjun, that he has a crush on the boy. The L word has a greater meaning to him, way more than saying he has a crush or likes to be around that person. The L word entails that he’s surrendering entirely to that person, giving his heart away to be held by that someone. Taehyun has no problem in surrendering completely to Yeonjun, he’s only a few steps away from doing so anyways. But he’s always with that same thought in the back of his mind, a nagging thing that won’t allow him to carelessly love the boy in front of him. Is Yeonjun on the same page as him? Does Yeonjun see Taehyun the same way Taehyun sees him? Is this thing they have going on something he wants to turn into more? Or is Taehyun nothing but a fling that’s lasting longer than usual?

Yeonjun tilts his head as he looks back at Taehyun. “Is there any other feeling that explains it, hyung?”

“Yeonjun—”

“Taehyun-hyung, don’t you love me?”

He nearly chokes on air, beating his chest and coughing to cover it up. Yeonjun’s ease in saying it never fails to faze him, the boy always says things aloud for anyone to hear, fear setting in the pit of his stomach. It’s scary to hear Yeonjun say it, fear mixed with euphoria. Taehyun doesn’t need to think much to answer this, the answer has lived on the tip of his tongue all this time. He usually has to hold himself back from saying it aloud whenever he’s near Yeonjun, whenever he’s intoxicated by the gleam in his eyes and the breathtaking kisses he gives him.

Taehyun leans closer, looking to the sides to make sure no one is paying attention to them. “Of course I do, Yeonjun. But I think you—”

“Then I don’t see the problem in calling it love.”

“Yeonjun, do you love me?” Taehyun blurts out loud, forgetting for a second the place they are. Is easy to forget his surroundings whenever he’s staring into Yeonjun’s eyes, his personal haven. There’s nothing around them at that moment, the only thing that matters is knowing exactly how Yeonjun feels about him. He’s tired of uncertainty, of the what ifs. Taehyun wants full sentences that end in a period, he wants answers.

“I love you, Taehyun-hyung.” Yeonjun cracks the biggest smile he has ever seen, hand roaming above Taehyun’s on the counter until the space between them turns inexistent. “With every letter and syllable. With every meaning it has and it could possibly have. I love you, and it’s the only word I can find for what I feel for you.”

He leans in and gives Taehyun a kiss on the cheek, quick and disguised under something being whispered in his ear. The smile on Yeonjun’s lips makes his eyes close slightly, the mole under his eyes looking so kissable that Taehyun has to hold back from shower it with kisses — one of his favorite kiss spots on Yeonjun’s face, a place his lips connect to whenever their tired from making out on the bottom bunk before Soobin kicks the door and they them to find somewhere else to suck faces. Taehyun looks at this boy and another reason to be in love with him pops into his mind. At this point, every single thing about Yeonjun is becoming a reason to love him more and more. Taehyun sighs, the lyrics of Take My Breath Away floating in his mind and sounding like the perfect soundtrack to this special moment between them.

“Yeonjun, if you want to stay here, you’ll have to order something. Boss is in the house tonight,” Wooyoung says as he carries empty plates into the kitchen. He takes a look at both Yeonjun and Taehyun, shaking his head. “Taehyun-hyung, you look like an idiot in love. With all respect.”

Taehyun is an idiot in love, there’s no reason to be offended by the younger’s words. Taehyun is an idiot in love with Choi Yeonjun.

Taehyun is the only one who stays late that same night, responsible for closing up before leaving. And obviously, Yeonjun stays in the diner with him, even though it’s late and almost deserted on the streets. They never talk about Yeonjun’s life out of what he tells Taehyun, nothing but fleeting infos about his house and his father, his family isn’t a topic Yeonjun seems to like to talk all that much. Yeonjun is sitting in his favorite stool, pacing back and forth to the sound of a Pet Shop Boys song that Taehyun had no idea they had on the jukebox.

For some reason, Taehyun is restless as he finishes arranging the napkin holders. Not for some reason, there’s a very reasonable motive for him to be acting like that. He barely pays attention to the lyrics or the melody of the song, or anything rather than what Yeonjun said to him earlier. The reasonable motive for Taehyun to be jittery and unsettled is because of what Yeonjun had said, how he so openly said he loves him in the middle of a packed night shift.

It’s not a secret, Taehyun would be a fool if he hadn’t realized yet that Yeonjun is really in love with him, he shouldn’t be this affected by the natural course of things. However, it’s the first time Yeonjun says these three little words to him, so easily, so calmly, so naturally. Yeonjun said he likes him a bunch of times, showed his love by the way he kisses and compliments Taehyun all the time, by the way he holds his hand and listens eagerly to whatever Taehyun is talking about. But the truth is, Taehyun isn’t like Yeonjun. He’s not impulsive and confident enough to say those words, he’s more in the thinks-too-much-beforehand type of person. Yeonjun is in his own little words, and Taehyun can’t stop thinking about his words.

“I think this is one of the best Pet Shop Boys’ songs to ever exist,” Yeonjun says as the song is approaching its end. Taehyun hasn’t paid attention to the song for even a second.

“Yeah,” he replies vaguely, finishing filling the napkin holders.

“Earth to Taehyun-hyung?” Yeonjun snaps his fingers in front of his face. “You’re kinda far from here, aren’t you?” He chortles, the charming smile that always makes Taehyun melt all over greeting him.

“I’m just a little tired,” Taehyun lies, grabbing as much napkin holder as his hands can carry and walking over to the tables.

Yeonjun follows, walking quietly behind. “You don’t look that tired, hyung.”

“You truly have no idea how tiring is working here,” Taehyun sighs, carefully placing the metal holders on each of the tables. “Ask Beomgyu, you’ll get a whole presentation about how terrible it is to work the night shift on Flavoroso.”

“It’s not only that, there’s something else bothering you,” Yeonjun muses, his hand holding Taehuyun’s shoulder to make him stop. He’s startled by the unexpected touch, almost letting three napkin holders fall to the floor. Yeonjun looks worried, eyebrows slightly furrowed, mouth in a straight line. “Hyung, you know you can tell me anything, right? I can be a good listener for you.”

Taehyun takes a shaky breath, eyes closing and only opening when his head is lower, all he can see are his old sneakers and Yeonjun’s boots. He can’t look into Yeonjun’s eyes, not when his insecurities and fears are so clear on his own. It’s so easy to deflate whenever he’s this close to Yeonjun, the little confidence Taehyun managed to gather always melting. Taehyun can’t remember ever feeling this much for someone, heart beating so fast he feels dizzy at the sight of the boy, hands clamming and breathing being the most difficult thing to do. Taehyun loves Yeonjun, more than he could summarize in just three simple words.

“Were you serious?” Taehyun whispers, eyes still at the ground.

“About what?”

He looks up, immediately regretting it. Yeonjun is staring at him, worry mixed with confusion in his pretty cat-like eyes. Too late to turn back now, he can’t brush it aside and pretend nothing is bothering, Yeonjun already knows something is up. Taehyun will have to endure it.

“Earlier, when you said you love, did you mean it?” Taehyun blurts out, running over the words, all coming out as quickly as possible before he could stop himself.

Yeonjun puts his other hand on Taehyun’s shoulder, holding him in a soft touch. A touch that barely feels like one, lightness that could be mistaken for pillows on his shoulders. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know. I just—” Taehyun scrunches his nose, looking away at the empty tables. “I don’t know. I thought you were saying it for the sake of it,” he shrugs. “I mean, you must say that to all your friends too, right?”

“I’d never say that just for the sake of saying it,” Yeonjun licks his lips, raising one eyebrow. “Also, I don’t say I love my friends, nor do I kiss them all the time or want them to hold me tight while listening to my favorite songs.”

“About that, we need to stop the whole Madonna discography thing while we hang out. Her songs are getting stuck in my head,” Taehyun huffs in faux annoyance.

“But that’s a good thing,” Yeonjun smiles. “My Madonna brainwash is finally working.”

“Don’t count on it that much,” he scoffs. “Also, thanks for not breaking my heart like you do to everyone else.”

Taehyun feels the hand that was once on his shoulder moving to under his chin, pulling him face to face with the boy. Yeonjun has a serious look on his face, the pretty smile from before gone with no warning when it’ll return, and Taehyun is sure that everything they have will come to an end right now. Maybe he was hasty in saying that Choi Yeonjun won’t break his heart as well as he did to the others. Yeonjun stands still, silently staring at Taehyun. He can’t look away even if he wanted to, and Taehyun doesn’t want to.

“Hyung, I’d never break your heart, ever.” Yeonjun moves closer, kissing Taehyun straight on the lips this time, no reason to hesitate anymore, no prying eyes to judge them for showing how in love they are.

Wooyoung was completely wrong a few hours ago. Taehyun doesn’t look like an idiot in love, he is an idiot in love with Yeonjun. An idiot who wouldn’t mind having his heart broken by the boy in his arms, even if he keeps harping on the same string that he minds having his heart broken. Taehyun drops the napkin holders this time, not caring about the metallic sound they make when they hit the floor. He puts his hands around Yeonjun’s neck, playing with the hairs close to his nape, pulling him close. He doesn’t want another peck, he wants a real kiss like the ones they share before going their own ways. Tonight, he wants Yeonjun as close as possible, bathing in the feeling of being loved by this boy.

“I love you, so much,” Taehyun confesses after kisses exchanged inside the diner to the sound of Touch Me, another song he had no idea existed on the jukebox. It seems that a new song comes on every time Yeonjun is here, their soundtrack creating on itself. “Fuck, I really love you, Yeonjun.”

“That’s the first time you’re actually said that, hyung,” Yeonjun says, eyes widened in surprise, features merging in a beaming smile. Somewhere during the kiss his hands moved from Taehyun’s chin and shoulder to his waist, a featherlight touch that leaves Taehyun floating. Taehyun holds back the urge to kiss him again until he’s breathless and his lips are swollen and red.

“I didn’t want to be another idiot who says they love Choi Yeonjun and gets dumped the next day,” Taehyun giggles, the truth beneath the words something that only he can hear.

“To be sincere, I think it’s more likely for me to get dumped by you, hyung,” Yeonjun admits with a chuckle.

They both know that’s not true, the likelihood of such a thing happening is none. Taehyun smilles until his cheeks hurt and his eyes close, moving closer to kiss Yeonjun once again. It’s not something complicated, their feelings and how they see each other; there’s no reason to make it complicated. Things are simple, Taehyun loves Yeonjun, Yeonjun loves Taehyun, and they’re kissing in an empty diner at 1 a.m. while The Doors is playing. Nothing could be more perfect in Taehyun’s opinion.

Taehyun knows that something is wrong the moment Yeonjun enters the diner. First, it’s early afternoon, he neves comes at this time even if he finished school already. Second, no smile is plastered on his face, no shining eyes in Taehyun’s direction. Yeonjun walks with his head down, gaze lost in something else, body present but his mind is far away from here. He walks to the counter and sits down on one of the stools, not his favorite one this time, standing motionless while staring at the metal straw holder.

“Hey, Yeonjun.” Taehyun calls out, approaching the far stool he chose to sit on.

“Oh, hi hyung,” he greets back, blinking repeatedly as if he had just been awakened from a hypnosis state.

“Thought you didn’t come to the diner in the afternoons,” Taehyun comments, pursuing his lips.

Yeonjun looks around, noticing the usually empty cafeteria. It’s two in the afternoon, one of the off-peak times at Flavoroso, the time the kitchen noonas use to play cards and taking turns on the jukebox while Taehyun sits boredly at the counter staring the door, waiting for a customer to show off just so can have something to do. He tried reading books, but the sound of the girls screeching laughter and shouts made him lose focus too easily. Yeonjun runs a hand through his hair, freshly dyed yellow locks that he made Taehyun help him dye it a few weeks ago — he discovered that it’s incredibly possible to dye hair using crepe paper, as weird as it sounds.

“My bad, I didn’t even notice it was so early,” Yeonjun mutters, leaning his elbows on the counter and propping his face between his hands.

“Junnie.” The nickname flows smoothly from his lips. It’s something he’s been experiencing with lately, calling Yeonjun by his name sounding too formal for the almost boyfriends label they decided to put into their relationship. It’s a cute nickname, always makes Yeonjun grin brightly. It doesn’t work this time, Taehyun’s eyebrows furrowing as he stares at his boyfriend's disquiet features. “Is everything okay?”

“I don’t know,” he breathes out.

Taehyun runs a hand through Yeonjun’s hair, messing it up slightly. “You know I’m here for whatever you need.”

Silence surrounds them, something Taehyun has lost the habit of having ever since they started to talk about everything and anything. The jukebox playing and Eunbi’s shouts and Yujin complaints acting as background noise, muffled outside their bubble. Taehyun continues looking worriedly at Yeonjun, said boy resting his face on his hands, staring distractedly at the counter. He can see that something is bothering Yeonjun, something bad must have happened for him to be like this. Taehyun can only think the worst, all things going back to the boy’s father — maybe he has been arrested or overdosed on heroin in some alleyway.

With time together, Yeonjun slowly opened the box where he keeped all the information about his life outside the diner. All things Taehyun knows about Yeonjun’s father are a bunch of parent-negligence and a childhood too hard for Yeonjun to talk about so openly. In short, Yeonjun’s father is nothing but an old-shoe that is never around. Yeonjun practically lives alone in a cheap apartment downtown, hardly seeing the man more than three times a week. Taehyun visited the place a few times per Yeonjun request, and even though the boy does a good job in keeping things organized and clean, it means nothing when his father comes home drunk and messes everything up. Taehyun can only imagine how hard living like this must be.

No One Like You plays on the jukebox, the only song Taehyun could choose from the four that Yujin and Eunbi took turns choosing. He had to put up with Simple Minds, Culture Club and two Madonna songs in a row — even if he kinda of likes her songs now, he’s not that adamant on listening to it unless Yeonjun is next to him —, until he could’ve taste of the only Scorpions song on the jukebox. He swings his foot lightly to the guitar chords, eyes never leaving Yeonjun’s motionless figure, waiting until he feels ready to talk. A lot of things have changed between them since Christmas, but Taehyun still doesn’t like to be intrusive or force people to say things to him.

“I’m moving,” Yeonjun says in a low tone that Taehyun can barely hear over the chorus of the song.

When Taehyun finally understands the weight of those words, he can't react with anything other than a long blink, wide-eyed and mouth dry. For a split second he thinks he didn't hear Yeonjun correctly, maybe he misunderstood the boy's words. Yeonjun keeps staring at the counter, not allowing Taehyun to see his eyes, to comfort him somehow.

"Moving?" Taehyun manages to spit out, words tasting like copper in his tongue.

Yeonjun nods. “I have no idea when, but that’s what I’ve been told.”

“Yeonjun, what do you mean?”

“My dad fucked up again, big time. We’re out of water at home now because he spent all the money on drugs again. Aunt called last night saying that she thinks it’d be better for me to move to a healthier and safer place for college. She wants me to move in with her,” he explains, sighing deeply.

“It doesn’t sound bad,” Taehyun tries to sound cheerful, even if the funny taste in his mouth from thinking about Yeonjun living somewhere else far keeps bothering him. A place too far for them to keep seeing each other so often and being together whenever they want.

The truth is that Taehyun can’t imagine his days without Yeonjun’s constant presence. Yeonjun is like the sun in this little planet called Taehyun, he needs it all the time. A day without Yeonjun is equivalent to a year without the sun.

“Yeah, it’d be nice to live in a better place,” Yeonjun reasons, trying to assure himself more than Taehyun.

“Where does your aunt live?” Taehyun asks before the question eats him alive.

He’s worried and he’s not ashamed to admit it. Taehyun obviously wants Yeonjun to live in a good place, a place where he doesn’t have to worry about being evicted or going back home without electricity because his father spends the little money they make on bullshit instead of paying rent and bills. At the same time, Taehyun doesn’t want Yeonjun to stay away, to be so far away from him. He knows it’s an ugly, selfish thought, but he can’t shake it away. He’s used to Yeonjun always being here, a phone call away sometimes, always ready to spend time together.

“That’s the problem, hyung,” he breathes, looking directly into Taehyun’s eyes for the first time since he got here. “She lives in LA. She wants me to travel there, across the ocean.”

Everything becomes white noise in Taehyun’s ears. The music, the words, the shouting from the kitchen, any other noise inside the diner, nothing but endlessly buzzing in Taehyun’s ears. His worry turns from despair into sadness and a bunch of other feelings, all at the same time, a dangerous mix. His head starts scenarios where Yeonjun is a breath away from breaking up with him, another one showing him a long-distance relationship that eventually ends when they get tired of each other, another where he’s the one who ends it all because he knows he won’t be able to take it. From all the scenarios, he knows the last one is the most close to reality.

“LA?” Taehyun repeats.

“She doesn’t know when, but she’s going to sort some things out and when it’s time, she’ll let me know everything.”

“That’s so…” Taehyun swallows, rubbing his hands on his naked arms, searching for the best word. “Sudden.”

“It could be months before it happens, even a year.” Yeonjun shrugs, biting his lip to mask his uneasiness. “Maybe I won’t even move in the end, hyung.”

“I think you should move,” he says, his selfish mind screaming otherwise. He can’t move this far away! Ask him to stay! Don’t let him go! Do something! Taehyun shakes his head, massaging his temples. “It’ll be so much better for you, Junnie. I’m sure your aunt’s gonna treat you way better.”

Yeonjun abruptly straightens on the stool, startling Taehyun. He doesn't hesitate to take one of the older’s hands, holding it as he runs his thumb across the palm. Yeonjun looks restless in a way Taehyun has never seen him look before. Yeonjun’s eyes run over everything behind the older before finally looking him in the eye again, everything way too clear in his iris for Taehyun to pretend he’s not seeing. They’re both thinking about the same thing, the only thing that matters with Yeonjun possibly moving out to LA.

“What about us, hyung?” Yeonjun is the one who asks, way more brave than Taehyun since the beginning.

“Good question,”  Taehyun sighs defeatedly. “I have no idea what to do.”

Yeonjun takes a deep breath, his fearful stare turning into hopeful, a faint smile tugging the corner of his mouth. It’s so different from all the smiles Taehyun is used to seeing when they’re together in the diner — he’s used to smug smiles, happy smiles, mischievous smiles, teasing smiles, all the types of smiles Yeonjun has given him along the months, but never this one. Things had been so good in the past month, easiness slipping in every crevice of their relationship. Just two boys in love, kissing everywhere possible, talking about music and movies, kissing some more and pretending that nothing matters besides their relationship. When did everything start to change so fast?

“We could keep this up, hyung,” Yeonjun says bashfully, the idea not sounding that possible to him. “Something long-distance.”

Taehyun sighs defeatedly once again. “I’m sorry, Junnie. I don’t think I can do that now.”

Yeonjun doesn’t seem disappointed by the answer, nodding in agreement. “I don’t think I can do it either.”

Silence again, this time not as pleasant as the one from before. It’s painful actually, hurting Taehyun as if someone gathered all the knives in the kitchen and slowly stabs him with them. Taehyun has an idea suddenly, the pain coming from all in his mind to something graspable, his chest tightening just from the thought. The idea isn’t what his heart wants, but unfortunately it’s the only solution he can think for now.

“We can think of something different, some options,” Yeonjun says thoughtfully, chewing his bottom lip. “Hyung, we could—”

“I think we should break-up,” Taehyun interrupts, his heart slowly cracking the moment the words come out.

Yeonjun’s eyes widen, rising from the stool. “What?”

“There’s nothing we can do, Junnie,” he says, running a hand through his hair, bumping into the clip he uses to secure his longer bangs out of his face. “We both know that this long-distance thing won’t last more than a few months, we’ve both already stated we’re not going to make it. There’s no other option.”

“Hyung, there’s got to be another option.”

“Junnie, baby, listen to me.” Taehyun closes his eyes tightly to hold back the tears wanting to come out. “There’s no other option, break-up is the best one we have. Please, don’t think it’s what I want, all I want least is for your relationship to end. I don’t want to suffer, I don’t want to miss you while you’re so far away, settle for a few monthly phone calls until we forget each other and end things way worse. I know you don’t want to suffer either or be sad about something that will only hurt us. It’s the best solution. Can’t you—”

“Taehyun-hyung, do you want me to stay?” Yeonjun asks before Taehyun can finish his painful blabbering, looking deep into his eyes, hands restless on the side of his body.

“Junnie—”

“Just answer me, hyung.”

“Of course I want you to stay.” Taehyun’s voice comes out slightly broken, choking on his own selfish desires. His body is already reacting to the break-up that will eventually happen, regardless of what Yeonjun has to say or how much he goes against it. Taehyun takes a deep breath, swallowing the lump in his throat unsuccessfully, before adding, “But I can’t do that with you. I can’t simply—”

“Then I’ll stay,” he interrupts, not caring what Taehyun had to say. “End of conversation.”

Yeonjun crosses his arms, the eye-contact never straying from both sides, his decision trying to get across. It’s not strong, no matter how much he pretends to be. Taehyun doesn’t want him to give up a better living just to be with him, to live the same way forever only because Taehyun can’t swallow his neediness and handle some phone-calls or letters rather than having Yeonjun close all the time. As much as Taehyun knows he’ll live for a long time in Seoul, he knows there’s always a possibility of his mother moving away somewhere. And then, Taehyun would be gone and Yeonjun would’ve wasted an unique opportunity. Taehyun can’t do this to him.

“Junnie, no.” Taehyun shakes his head, lips trembling. “You can’t give up a chance like that just because of me. You deserve a better place to live with people who care about you deeply. It’s not about me or us, it’s about what’s best for you.”

“Hyung, I don’t wanna leave,” Yeonjun whines, sounding desperate at this point. “I don’t wanna break-up.”

“I don’t want it either, but it’s the best option we have,” Taehyun says, a sob escaping his lips before he can stop it.

They stand there, silence finally managing to pop their bubble, no more safe haven when they’re together at the counter. They look at each other, Yeonjun with his arms crossed and a bewildered look on his face, Taehyun looking away to the counter and trying to hold back his tears. He doesn’t want to cry in front of Yeonjun, doesn’t want to give him any more reasons to give up the chance of a better life — he had no right to cry when he was the one who brought this option. His mind screams his selfish thoughts as loud as it can, screaming for him to accept Yeonjun’s decision to stay for him. Taehyun can’t act like a teenager anymore, it’s time to be an adult for once in his life.

“That’s it?” Yeonjun says after what feels like an eternity. “It’s over for us?”

“Yes, that’s it,” he whispers, lips trembling.

Yeonjun has nothing more to say, just turning around and walking straight to the door. Taehyun makes the mistake of looking in his direction while he’s leaving, spotting a teary-eyed Yeonjun going too far for him to reach. Taehyun holds his breath, the tears wanting to come out at all costs, but he doesn’t let them. Don’t cry in front of Yeonjun, he begs amidst all the other shouts inside his head telling him to go after the boy.

“I promised I wouldn’t break your heart, hyung,” Yeonjun sniffs, wiping his face with his hands. “In the end, it was you who broke mine.”

Yeonjun turns and walks out the door, leaving Taehyun alone in the huge empty diner with nothing but silence. There’s no more music playing, no sound coming from outside, no shouts and heated arguments about someone stealing in the kitchen. There’s no trace to remind Taehyun that he’s still inside Flavoroso. It’s like he’s being thrown into a parallel universe where there’s only him in the world. In this universe, Taehyun collapses as soon as reality reaches him, hurting himself with the thought that even though this was the best decision possible, it still hurts as much as a bad decision would do.

When night shift comes, Taehyun's locked in one of the bathroom stalls pretending to have a stomach ache while silently crying until his eyes burn and his nose gets stuffy. He wonders why break-ups aren't as easy as in the movies he watches with Soobin in the living room. Right now, there's absolutely nothing easy, only a burning pain in his chest and tears that don't stop falling. Taehyun can't stand crying anymore, but his eyes are not getting the memo, pouring harder if he tries to hold them back.

He can faintly hear the opening instrumental of Think of Me , he almost wails. This is by far one of Yeonjun's favorite songs from her, a song he made Taehyun listen to in his small room while they danced until they fell on the ground, kissing until they were breathless afterwards. Taehyun sobs loudly, not even the jukebox and the crowded diner could muffle the sound.

As he sits on the toilet lid, Taehyun wishes he could flush out all his feelings, more concretely than hypothetically.

If there’s something that Taehyun learned is that no one can teach you how to heal a broken heart — especially if you have broken your heart and your loved one simultaneously. If there was some column in the magazines his aunt usually reads, or some show on TV, or even something in a cereal box giving you five tips on how to get over the guy you like, Taehyun would be dealing with all this heartbreaker shenanigans way better than how he’s doing it so far.

It’s been a month since their fateful break-up in that afternoon where Taehyun decided that it’d be an awesome idea to wear his and Yeonjun’s heart like shoes and tap dance all over the diner’s checkered floor. From all options Taehyun has found to deal with this, the chosen one was not dealing with it. He asked for a vacation from his job, who happily gave him a month off as long as he works a few holidays when he gets back. He also decided to shut himself off from the world, staying home all day and only coming out to take out the trash or stretch his legs in the backyard. Taehyun spends his days in the living room watching reruns, eating whatever is in the cupboards and he cries before sleeping while listening to the mixtape Yeonjun made for him.

In spite of everything, he’s doing better than expected. It's one of the outright lies he likes to tell himself when he wakes up with blutched, reddish eyes.

Saturday comes once again, Taehyun is lying on his bunk bed with the blue curtains closed and a blanket almost covering his face, his eyes closed while the pretends to sleep — trying to not think about Yeonjun’s last words over and over until he starts sobbing and crying tears that he no longer has. Another typical Saturday since the break-up, no one will bother him for thinking he’s sleeping while he enjoys his pseudo-grief all alone.

Except that in a house where Choi Soobin lives, there’s never such thing as a moment alone. Especially when he knows about Taehyun’s break-up and makes a point of reminding him of it all the time.

“Man, you look like trash,” Soobin says almost shrilly, opening the curtains and letting the clear daylight enter the room. Taehyun pulls the blanket over his face, eyes burning at the sudden brightness and tiredness from another night crying until he falls asleep. He pulls the headphones away from his ears, still listening to the muffled sound of P.Y.T. The only song on the entire mixtape that is more Taehyun-like, even if it’s a Michael Jackson one — but he has to admit that lately he’s being a masochist by listening to the two Madonna songs on it on repeat.

“Hyung, aren’t you ashamed to be like this over a boy?” Soobin says dismissively, bordering on indignation.

“Fuck off, Soobin,” he groans, shutting his eyes harder.

“Don’t curse in my fucking house, hyung.” Soobin clicks his tongue. Taehyun hears him roaming across the room, heavy footsteps too characteristic to be unrecognizable. “Besides, I”m just saying you could be doing better things with your time than drowning in self-pity and crying over a boy.”

“Soobin, when you go through a break-up with one of your boyfriends, then I’ll give you permission to lecture me on how to deal with a break-up,” Taehyun retorts, getting angry.

Ever since he told Soobin that he broke up with Yeonjun, it’s always the same topic between them over and over. Soobin has never had his heart broken, nor experienced the pains of being the one to cut ties with someone you love. Soobin is happy in his happy relationship with Beomgyu and Kai — from what he heard the last time, Beomgyu was the one who man-up and bought matching rings for them, Soobin doesn’t take it from his fingers anytime. He’s not the best person to deal and help in this situation, but being a bother it’s his favorite pastime, so he makes a point to be Taehyun’s shoddy counselor. He keeps hearing Soobin walk a little further around the room, until he feels the blanket being pulled hard from his head.

“Jesus, hyung. You’re really stinking,” Soobin says, wrinkling his nose as he pushes the whole blanket away from Taehyun’s body.

Taehyun huffs. “Can you just leave me alone?”

“No,” he replies, pinching his nose. “You’re smelly, looking terrible and so burned out it’s actually pitiful. Not to mention you’ve been listening to this same goddamn mixtape for days. Hyung, I can’t take any more Madonna playing loudly early in the morning.”

“Whatchu talkin’ about, there’s no Madonna here,” Taehyun says, the walkman contradicting him soon after, playing Lucky Star. Soobin looks at him with a raised brown as he hears the muffled sound of Madonna’s voice. Taehyun groans, covering his eyes with his arm. “What do you want?”

“I want a lot of things.” Soobin’s voice comes out slightly nasally. “Right now, my priorities are to get you out of this bed, get you in a show, maybe punch you in the face a few times until you wake up to life and have my daily phone call with Kai. Necessarily in this order.”

Soobin can be incredibly annoying when he wants to, something he does with the same aptitude he has to play D&D.

Taehyun huffs. “What does me staying in bed have to do with your life, exactly?”

“Everything! Hyung, you’re the only company I have inside this house,” Soobin complains, pulling Taehyun by the foot. “And if I have to watch The Blue Lagoon during dinner with our moms, then so will you.”

Taehyun swings his foot until Soobin releases him, huffing and muttering curses that his aunt would be shocked to hear coming out of her precious baby’s mouth. Taehyun groans once more, pulling his arm away from his eyes and staring at Soobin, still lying on bed. There’s something about Soobin’s features that scream concern, but it’s so paltry underneath the scowling that it's almost imperceptible.

“I don’t wanna watch The Blue Lagoon.”

“You think I do?” Soobin retorts. “Besides, you’re not being a good influence lately.”

Taehyun rolls his eyes. “Fuck off, dude.”

“Come on hyung, you have to move on.”

“Better said than done,” he snorts.

“I know it’s not easy and that I’m not the best person to support you, but as long as you don’t wanna tell the two downstairs that you’re being a crybaby over a boy and coming out of the closet, I’m still your best and only option right now,” Soobin says, crossing his arms.

“As if punishing me with a break-up wasn’t enough, God decided to give me the world’s worst counselor ever,” Taehyun whines, hitting his head hard on the pillow.

“Actually, hyung put a break-up in your way, not God,” Soobin says matter-of-factly.

“Can you stop reminding me of that every time we talk about this, please?”

“The sooner you accept the truth, the better,” Soobin shrugs. “You can’t live indoors for the rest of your life, hyung.”

Taehyun raises a brow. “Who said I can’t?”

“Me, and your boss saying that in two weeks your vacation is over,” he replies, resting his hand on the bunk.

“Then let me enjoy the two weeks of whining that I still have left,” Taehyun says, turning his back to Soobin.

Soobin sighs, defeated. “Hyung, did you like him that much?”

Taehyun feels a lump forming in his throat as it always does when he’s about to cry, or when he hears Yeonjun’s name in passing, even the word being able to cause this reaction on him. He keeps his back to his cousin, trying to stifle his tears so his voice doesn’t come out broken. He can’t speak, no matter how hard he tries, words are too far from his grasp for him to explain to Soobin how much he liked, how much he still likes Yeonjun. It's a weakness, the type that makes Taehyun feel pathetic.

“You may not believe it, but I know what it’s like to really like someone this much,” Soobin says in a soft tone, completely different from the one he always uses when talking to Taehyun. “Maybe not the same way you do, since love is never the same for people. Maybe I won’t react the same pathetic way you’re doing when one of those two breaks my heart, but I can imagine what you’re going through. Hyung, I don’t know nor understand what you’re feeling, but I can imagine.”

Taehyun almost can’t believe what he heard, surprise brushing his sadness away for a few seconds. Soobin, who usually speaks with a slightly disdainfully playful tone and always jokes at Taehyun’s expense, is talking right now a whole sentence not full of ridiculous nicknames, swear words or jokes about Taehyun’s face. For the first time, Soobin says something that touches Taehyun’s heart and makes him feel anything other than the emotional pain inside him.

“I know you must be hurting, it can’t be easy to end things with the guy you like. It won’t do you any good to keep like this, I’m tired of having to lie to my aunt saying that you’re not home when you are,” Soobin continues, babbling like he usually does. The most Soobin thing he could do, an soft smile spreading in Taehyun’s lips. “Also, Beomgyu and Kai have been asking me about you, which is a very turn-off when we kiss, you know. Hyuka wants you to get well soon, Gyu says he’s coming here and punching the sadness out of you if you don’t come back to reality.”

Taehyun giggles, thinking of Beomgyu kicking the bedroom door open and pulling Taehyun out of his bunk as if he’s nothing more than a rag doll, Kai in tow asking him how he’s doing. Soobin’s words are slowly being absorbed into his brain, thinking a lot about the first nice conversation he had with his cousin ever since he talked about the break-up. Taehyun smiles weakly, turning to Soobin’s direction, looking at the tall boy with his hand resting on the bunk.

“I love him like I’ve never loved anyone before,” Taehyun finally swallows the lump and allows the words to flee. “I had crushes all the time, but I never wanted someone as much as I want Yeonjun. You have no idea how hard it is to find a guy who’s into you, who likes you the same way and doesn’t think it’s gross that you want to kiss other guys,” he takes a deep breath, the lump crawling back to his throat. “You probably can’t relate that much because it’s all new to you and you already lucked out having two guys into you, but it’s lonely being gay, Soobin. Things are never easy and it never gets easy, no matter how much you want it. I spent part of my life afraid, scared, always overthinking about what would happen if the wrong people found out, if Yeonjun didn’t like me, if he’d react negatively if I told him what I am. It never happened, things were always so easy with him. He always makes everything seem so easy, so simple, so… Yeonjun.”

Taehyun chuckles wetly, tears running down his cheek without him noticing. They don’t hurt like the ones he shed before, they bring him joy and sweet memories, bring him a sense of confidence. Taehyun finally has the courage to speak about the things he held inside, thinking and acting as easy and simple as Yeonjun does. He moves in the bed, coming to a sit position while hugging his knees and letting the tears wet his skin.

“I don’t want him to leave, Soobs. I don’t want to lose the one person who makes me feel like I’m not a freak for liking guys,” Taehyun confesses. “But I don’t want him to stay here either, I don’t want him to throw away the chance to have a better life, even if it’s so far away from me. I wish I hadn’t been so selfish and ended things. I wish I had waited to see how things would happen, but I was thinking only about myself even if I keep saying I was thinking about him too. I was afraid. I am afraid, so afraid.”

“You weren’t selfish, hyung,” Soobin assures him, but doesn’t come close to comfort him. “You were just a dumb hyung. Which means you were basically acting like your daily self.”

Taehyun rolls his eyes affectionately, smiling. “At this point I think you couldn’t take me seriously for once in your life even if you were in a life-death situation.”

“Hyung, I am taking you seriously,” Soobin huffs, drumming his fingers on the wood. “You were an idiot, I got it. It’s something that you might still have time to fix. And if it’s too late, it’s a learning experience for your future relationships.”

“You think there’s still time to fix things?” Taehyun asks, trying to mask his hope.

“Who knows,” he shrugs. “A little bear told me Yeonjun goes to the diner every day looking for you, but you haven’t heard from me.” Soobin pretends to zip his mouth, winking at Taehyun.

Yeonjun keeps going to the diner. Even after Taehyun has broken his heart in pieces and disappeared, Yeonjun is still looking for him. He feels a strange relief in his chest, the weights that were crushing his heart have been taken away. Taehyun can finally breathe properly, nothing holding him back anymore. He’s determined to make things right this time, to reach a mutual agreement and not decide by himself without giving Yeonjun a chance to choose. A relationship is a road that goes both ways, Taehyun needs to stop driving in the wrong-way and thinking accidents won’t happen.

Taehyun isn’t going to waste this chance, he’ll hold onto it tooth and nail.

“Since when did you get so good at counseling?” He asks, sitting up in bed.

“Borrowed some magazines from Beomgyu. He made me do some field research before coming here to talk,” Soobin snorts. “He has a whole collection of them, did you know that? And let me tell you, they do miracles in the whole how to deal with heartbreaks.”

He rolls his eyes again, getting up from the bed and giving Soobin a gentle nudge on the shoulder, receiving a grimace as answer. The age difference and distant cousins thing made them rarely show any kind of affection between each other, but for once Taehyun puts those things aside and embraces the taller boy in a tight hug. They stay like that for less than a minute, pulling away and awkwardly standing face to face. Taehyun wipes the remnants of tears from his cheeks with his palms and gives a reassuring smile to Soobin, a silent I’ll be fine, eventually. Soobin smiles back, dimples greeting him back to the real world.

Taehyun walks to the door and is about to leave, before he looks back to Soobin and teasingly says, “You call Beomgyu little bear?”

“Shut up, hyung,” Soobin blushes deeply. “I’m sure you have nicknames for Yeonjun too.”

“Nothing silly like little bear, ” he laughs at Soobin’s embarrassment. “What does he call you?”

Soobin looks away, muttering, “Baby bunny.”

Taehyun cackles, leaving the room in order to dodge a pillow thrown his way. He runs to the bathroom before Soobin can come after him, heaving and laughing inside the room. Things are not entirely well yet, but for the first time since that afternoon when he and Yeonjun broke up, Taehyun laughs and no longer feels his chest hurting. No more tears to cry, only smiles that don’t leave his lips and the flame of hope that he’ll be able to fix things before Yeonjun leaves for LA. Taehyun thought he couldn’t handle a long-distance relationship, but having no relationship with Yeonjun is a thousand times worse than enduring weekly phone calls and letters. If Yeonjun is willing to try, then Taehyun can do it too.

He can’t imagine living without Yeonjun and still have him, but it’s a thousand times worse to live without and not have Yeonjun at the same time.

Taehyun should’ve known that getting back together is another easy said than done thing. Ever since moving to Seoul, he’s learned the hard way that everything that involves feelings are more complicated than they seem.

He has recently returned to his job, working the same shifts and doing the same things he did before taking a month out. Taehyun spends lonely afternoons and busy evenings, to the sound of random music that Eunbi or Yujin or some customers put on the jukebox. In one day, he has already listened to Joy Division, Spandau Ballet and now The Smiths is playing under Wooyoung’s influence, who made it clear the jukebox was his tonight if no customer comes claiming it.

His routine is slowly getting back to how it was before, he’s feeling relatively well these days. There’s still a hole in his chest with a Yeonjun was here graffiti-ed with red paint, but things are getting better. He no longer cries when he hears Madonna and can even speak the boy’s name without feeling like someone is clutching his heart without mercy. Things are not totally better yet, but Taehyun ventures to say that he has made a fifteen percent progress in getting over Choi Yeonjun — his hopes of fixing things gradually being crushed. Going back to work at Flavoroso occupies his mind partially, especially on night shifts when it’s packed and he stays until late talking to his friends. Beomgyu’s been a nice presence to have around with his jokes and movies recommendations and constantly nags about his boyfriends.

Yeonjun hasn’t shown up ever since Taehyun came back. He admits that every time the doorbell rings, he looks up in the hope of seeing colorful locks, black boots and leather jacket, nothing but disappointment in the end. Taehyun almost believes that Yeonjun has already left, even if Beomgyu assures him that Yeonjun would never leave without saying goodbye or trying to mend things. Taehyun wishes he could think as positively as the boy’s been doing.

He knows deep down that Beomgyu is right. Yeonjun would never leave without saying goodbye even if he was extremely mad at him. He’s not like Taehyun, who would leave without caring and blame himself for months until he’d be ashamed enough to make a phone call and beg for forgiveness — not that he’s ever done that, but he’ll do it for this boy. Yeonjun isn’t like him, that’s why Taehyun likes him so much. Yeonjun is his complete opposite, he has a personality that by far isn’t compatible with Taehyun’s, but seems like the perfect match for him undoubtedly. They’re different poles of a magnet, pulled apart only to bump into each other again.

Taehyun finishes hanging up the orders Beomgyu has written down on the sheets, turning the small clothesline toward Eunbi, her long hair holded up with hairpins, sighing as she sees the waffle order for the tenth time in that evening. It’s the most popular dish in the diner, Taehyun can barely smell waffles without getting sick as he’s forced to carry them towards the customers seated in the counter. He hears the counter bell ringing to call him, another night in charge of the place — no one wants to stand here serving coffee and going through the cash register.

He turns around with closed eyes, a fake smile plastered on his face. “Good evening, how may I help you to—”

He didn't finish what he was about to say, surprise making all the words disappear from his mind. In front of him, the person he has been waiting so long to see again, in the same place where they talked for the first time. Yeonjun, black boots and the leather jacket Taehyun got him for Christmas, this time with burgundy highlights in his hair, a timid smile on his lips. It’s like seeing a mirage after hours walking in the desert. Taehyun can’t tell if the Yeonjun he’s seeing is real or a hallucination after so long without seeing him.

“Hey, hyung,” Yeonjun greets, sounding uneasy. His hands are hidden in his pockets, Taehyun can see that they’re fidgeting, his feet moving back and forth too.

“Junnie,” Taehyun breathes out, the nickname flowing easily out of him. He places the coffee jug next to the cashier before dropping it on the ground, hands trembling while he blinks to make sure that Yeonjun is really there.

“Hi,” he repeats, embarrassed this time, chewing on his lower lip. “How have you been, hyung?”

“Are you really here?” Taehyun asks, holding his breath.

“Yes,” he nods, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips until it fades quickly afterwards.

Taehyun sighs out of relief, taking a deep breath. He’s glad to see Yeonjun, to finally be able to say what he’s been reciting to himself ever since Soobin gave him a push back to reality. Now that Taehyun has the chance, the words are no longer that easy to be said aloud. He can only open and close his mouth, air coming out of him like a fish trying to breathe.

“I wanted—”

“I thought you left already,” Taehyun interrupts, blurting out whatever he can put out.

Yeonjun raises his brows. “You want me to leave, hyung?”

“No,” Taehyun replies a little louder than necessary, attracting the attention of a truck driver who’s sitting nearby with an egg sandwich and a coffee mug. Taehyun bows and mumbles an apology, Yeonjun’s low laughter echoing in his ears. “I haven’t seen you around anymore, thought you had already left for LA.”

“You think I’d leave without saying goodbye?” Yeonjun says.

“No, I don’t.”

“I came here to tell you something important, hyung.” Yeonjun changes the topic, hands trembling inside his pockets.

Taehyun closes his eyes tightly, heart beating faster inside his ribcage. “You came to say goodbye, I know.”

“No, I didn’t come for that,” he says, leaning his weight on his heels. “At least not today, not yet.”

That ridiculous spark of hope ignites once again inside Taehyun. “Junnie, I—”

“I’ve spent a week thinking about what I’m ‘bout to say, so please hyung, give me a chance to speak first before I shuffle off and accidentally say I’m dying to kiss you again instead of talking things out like responsible adults do,” Yeonjun interrupts, speaking loud enough for the man next to them to hear. The man grimaces, but Taehyun couldn’t care less about what he’s thinking. “So, I realized two days after you broke up with me that I can’t let things end like this, does that make sense? I mean, hyung had already broken up with me, what else could I do except accept it and try to move on?”

“Yes, Junnie. It makes sense.” Taehyun holds back the smile that’s fighting to appear on his lips.

“So there I was, sitting on my bed while listening to that damn Alice in Chains album you asked me to and all I think about is how you’re the best things that’s ever come into my life. I know it sounds cliché as fuck, but it’s the truth. Then I thought, I need to find hyung and tell him this stupid cliché and we can both laugh about how sappy I am,” Yeonjun babbles, eyebrows wiggling and a permanent pout in his lips. Charmingly as always. Taehyun wants to kiss him right then and there. “But I couldn’t find you anywhere. I could’ve gone to your house, but the thought of having to ask Soobin to call you would be too humiliating for both of us. Besides, what if you didn’t want to talk to me in the end? I was going to be double humiliated in front of your cousin.”

“Junnie, I’d talk to you even if you had taken me out of the closet to my mom,” Taehyun says, Yeonjun too focused on his own words to pay attention to anything else.

“While you were gone, I came every day hoping to run into you. I thought you didn’t want to see me anymore and things would stay this way until my departure. I swear that if you weren’t here today, I’d go straight to your door and kneel at Soobin’s feet to make him call you so we could talk it out,” Yeonjun continues, sounding more and more desperate. “I can’t do this anymore, hyung. Every fucking thing reminds me of you, everything I do reminds me of the time we spent together, the things we talked about, moments shared between us. It may sound corny and maybe a bit out of reality and a product of too many afternoons watching romance movies, but I can’t see myself without you. Taehyun-hyung, you’re everything to me.”

If Taehyun was speechless before, the words have completely evaporated and are coming out of his mouth in air form. He can only stare at Yeonjun, feeling the hole inside his chest healing by itself, nothing more than the sight of Yeonjun being the reason to enable his regeneration process. Yeonjun’s words, however rushed and clumsy, make Taehyun’s heart beat even faster, so fast he thinks it’ll eventually escape up his throat and fall directly into Yeonjun’s hands as a farewell gift to him.

Taehyun couldn’t be more in love with Choi Yeonjun.

“Even if you don’t want to get back, we can still be friends,” Yeonjun keeps saying, sheepishly. “Of course I’m going to slip up sometimes and it’ll take a while until I stop wanting to shower you with kisses all the time, but I can learn again to see you as a friend. I don’t want things to be like this anymore, not seeing you is starting to drive me crazy. I swear I’ve seen your shadow and heard your laughter in my room about three times a week.”

Taehyun laughs, a light sound that takes Yeonjun by surprise. It’s funny how at a moment like this, with Yeonjun pouring his heart out in relatively serious words, he makes it seem so simple. The words flow out of his mouth naturally, he doesn’t need to overthink or hesitate. Yeonjun has a way with words, they bend in the shape he wants, leaving a trace that spells out that he was the one saying it. Taehyun’s mind is filled with the shapes of Yeonjun’s words, and he couldn’t be more enamored.

“You’re… laughing?” Yeonjun asks, confused.

“Yeonjun, you really think I want to be your friend?” Taehyun asks back, still laughing. “I don’t want to be just your friend, Junnie. I want to kiss your mouth and call you mine even if you’re not. I want to be yours, and I don’t even care what you’ll do with it, as long as you keep me close.”

Before Yeonjun can say anything, Taehyun reaches out and takes his hand, bringing it close to him. He holds the boy’s hand tightly and carelessly, bringing it to his lips and giving a light peck on the back. If anyone in the diner is watching this personal moment between them, Taehyun doesn’t give a damn. It has taken Taehyun too long to have a moment like this again, he’s not going to waste it thinking about something as foolish as people seeing them. The bubble is coming up around them again, their safe haven brought back to life from ashes. Taehyun keeps his lips close to Yeonjun’s hand, ignoring the crowded place and the eyes that might be staring at them.

“Taehyun-hyung,” Yeonjun exhales, closing his eyes and opening the smile that Taehyun missed so much, the one he saw in his dreams before they became nightmares full of tears. “That’s good, because I don’t want to be just your friend either. Hyung, I’ll keep you the closest from now on.”

Taehyun moves Yeonjun’s hand away from his lips, but doesn’t let go. “It seems we’ve reached an agreement tonight, gentleman.”

“Would you be mad if I kissed you in front of all these people?” Yeonjun asks, leaning against the counter and getting his face close to Taehyun’s.

“Yes, I’m working,” he replies, rolling his eyes. “This job sucks but I like it. Don’t wanna lose it over something like kissing my boyfriend in front of kids.”

Yeonjun snorts. “I really wanted to kiss you, to make up for the time we lost in this stupid break-up.”

“I get off early tonight,” he comments, putting his index finger on Yeonjun’s lips, feeling the softness under it. “You can make up as much as you want later.”

Yeonjun’s smile doubles in size, his eyes turning into beautiful crescents. He gives a peck on Taehyun’s finger before walking away, still leaning on the counter. Taehyun notices that there’s late orders and empty coffee mugs on the counter waiting to be filled again, customers looking at him with shoot up eyebrows to let him know they want more. Taehyun was so distracted in this little bubble made of Yeonjun and him that for a moment he forgets he’s inside Flavoroso in one of the most packed nights ever. Taehyun picks up the coffee jug from the counter, he could really live forever in that bubble if Yeonjun keeps smiling that way.

“Taehyun-hyung, Did I ever mention that I’m completely in love with you?” Yeonjun shouts from his seat as Taehyun carries the jug to fill the empty cups. He cringes, slightly embarrassed as he serves coffee to a man with a large mustache. There’s no way people could’ve missed Yeonjun’s words or misunderstood the real meaning behind them. It’s totally a Yeonjun thing to do something like this.

I’m completely in love with you too, Taehyun thinks as he walks back to where Yeonjun is leaning, softly humming Can’t Fight This Feeling as he looks directly at him, reciting the words to him. A secret confession, something that only they need to know.

“Would hyung believe me if I said I thought ‘bout sending you thousands of letter if I left without talking to you,” Yeonjun says as he pulls Taehyun towards his room.

It’s strange to see Yeonjun’s room without most of his things. There’s suitcases and boxes on the floor with all his belongings, little things that make up Yeonjun’s easy-going and lovely personality. His record collection is probably in one of these boxes, along with clothes he rarely wears and some knick-knacks he wants to take with him even if it’s a bunch of old and useless things — he says they’re filled with memories to him, something to remind him of this place and the people he’s saying goodbye for awhile. He left his favorite Madonna record as a farewell gift for Taehyun along with a ring that belonged to his mother. Taehyun keeps everything in the bottom of his wardrobe side so Soobin doesn’t touch it. Taehyun has already won so many things from Yeonjun that he’ll soon have a whole section in his wardrobe dedicated to it.

“Is that so?” Taehyun teases, moving closer. “What if I never wrote back?”

“I’d send even more letters,” he says, biting his lower lip.

“Let’s be glad you won’t have to do this. Soobin loves to go through the mail,” Taehyun says. “He’d tease you for all eternity if he saw the corny things you’ll say to me in letters.”

Yeonjun grimaces. “Tell me again why Soobin has so much control over most things in the house?”

“Because it’s his house, duh,” he replies, pulling the leather jacket off Yeonjun’s body slowly, tossing it on top of a pile of boxes that’s close to them. “He feels more of a man doing it. And Beomgyu sends him letters from time to time but never tells him, so he waits to pick it before someone else does it.”

“He’s nosey, that’s what he is,” Yeonjun snorts, putting his hands on the back of Taehyun’s neck. “And Beoms is a corny motherfucker.”

“Junnie, I really don’t want to spend our last day together talking about Soobin and Beomgyu and Kai or their happy relationship,” Taehyun complains.

He feels something bubbling up inside him before things happen between them. Taehyun always gets this way when he’s with Yeonjun, especially when they’re about to kiss. He never tires of kissing the boy, that feeling of doing something for the first time always coming back, the anxiety and giddiness bubbling in his body. He runs a tongue over his lips, watching Yeonjun’s eyes follow the movement. Is easy to tease the younger, to have him eager to spend all their time kissing. Ever since they got back, Yeonjun’s been adamant on kissing Taehyun whenever and wherever, never sated when it comes to having the older close to him.

“I know something much better we can do, hyung,” Yeonjun hums, pulling Taehyun closer but not letting their lips touch, teasing the older until he gets annoyed and finally tears down the distance between them.

Their kisses are always calm at first, savoring each other to keep the sensation engraved in their minds from when they’re eventually too far. Taehyun groans softly when Yeonjun opens his mouth in a dreamy sigh, the hair close to his nape being pulled gently as their mouths move languidly as if they have all the time in the world. It almost feels like this isn’t their last time together, the last time their bodies will be this close. Taehyun doesn’t feel sad when he thinks about Yeonjun going away anymore, he knows things will be fine. They’ll make it work, they always do it.

As the kiss deepens, Taehyun takes control, sliding his tongue into Yeonjun’s mouth, priding in the way the younger relaxes completely, letting Taehyun control everything as he always does. There’s something victorious about being the person that makes Yeonjun react like this, that makes him ask for more that molds him with his own hands until Yeonjun has the shapes of Taehyun’s finger on his hips and colors made by his lips down his neck and collarbones. Taehyun is an artist, Yeonjun is a blank canvas, and the older is filled with ideas just waiting to be put on canvas.

Taehyun nips at his lips, showering Yeonjun with intense kisses that almost bruise, their lips glistening with saliva and swollen to the touch, but that only makes them want to keep kissing even more. Taehyun feels pleasure simmering in his veins, curling down in his spine every time they kiss like this, burning with desire and fervor. He feels like it’s never enough, he needs way more — he knows that Yeonjun feels the same way, considering the way he arches into him and whimpers.

Yeonjun stops only to pull Taehyun with him onto the bed, letting the boy fall on top of him with a breathless sigh. In these moments, he enjoys having Taehyun take care of him, doing whatever he pleases, satiating all the desires he feels whenever he’s near Taehyun. Things are simple when Taehyun is on top of him, kissing him warmly to the point of stealing his breath away and making him ask for even more. Things are always simple when Taehyun is close.

“Junnie, I love you,” Taehyun says, tucking a silver lock behind Yeonjun’s ear. He has no idea how Yeonjun’s hair can handle the almost monthly hair color changes, but it’s amazing how good he looks with any color. Yeonjun isn’t a blank canvas all the time, sometimes he’s a canvas filled with every possible color mixed together, so colorful it makes Taehyun feel like he’s diving into watercolors. “I love you so much.”

Taehyun doesn’t give Yeonjun a chance to answer or say how much he loves him back, bending down to capture his lips in another intense kiss, a muffled laugh escaping the younger’s lips before he returns the kiss. Today, Taehyun wants to do nothing but kiss Yeonjun until their lips get sore for days, remembering this moment whenever they close their eyes before going to sleep. Yeonjun is the only thing Taehyun wants to do and think about for today — for months, maybe even years. Yeonjun is a memory Taehyun wants to keep with him for a long time.

As the sun is about to rise, Taehyun gets up from the bed where he’s been lying with Yeonjun all night, kissing until they got tired and Yeonjun eventually nodded off. Taehyun picks up his denim jacket that Yeonjun threw to the floor at some point during their make-out session, wearing it automatically. He glances at Yeonjun, memorizing his calm, prominent features, thinking about how he could be lucky enough to be in love with such a handsome boy — to have this same handsome boy being in love with him.

He quietly moves closer to Yeonjun’s body, placing a lingering kiss on his soft forehead, hoping this won’t be the last time they’ll see each other and be together. He knows it won’t be, and even if it eventually happens, Taehyun knows things won’t have to change. If Yeonjun keeps loving him from across the ocean, Taehyun will do the same here. They know that nothing will change, they’re ready for whatever happens from now on. Things are simple, Taehyun intends to leave it that way for a long time.

Taehyun walks over to the leather jacket he has dropped on top of a box, picking it up in his arms and bringing it to his nose. He takes a long inhale, smelling the strong cologne mixed with the floral soap that Yeonjun uses, faintly smelling the mint shampoo the younger uses. He sniffs until the smell is stuck to his nostrils, carefully putting the jacket aside and taking something from his own pocket, smiling to himself.

A few days ago, Taehyun decided he should give Yeonjun a farewell gift too. At first, it was difficult to choose between the many ideas he had but couldn’t be done on time. Like a lamp being lit in his head, the perfect idea popped while he was lying on the couch watching Scent of a Woman with Soobin. The best gift for Yeonjun would be a mixtape, just like the one he carefully keeps in his room under his pillow. Not any mixtape, he didn’t want to put random and meaningless songs on the tape, he didn’t want it to be something Yeonjun would eventually forget — he knows he won’t forget, but he still wants it to be way more special.

After messing up two new cassette tapes, getting five song names wrong and having to ask Kai’s help and make him promise he wouldn’t talk about it to his boyfriends, he managed to finish his gift with Kai’s help and the list of songs in the jukebox at Flavoroso. Affectionately titled Y + T because Taehyun had no better title in his mind at the moment — he thought about I’m sorry I broke your heart the same way that dude broke your nose last year, but it was too long for the small space on the cassette tape. The mixtape is made of thirteen songs that would make Yeonjun remind of him whenever he hears them, reminiscing of the times they spent together. Taehyun is sure this is his best idea after the leather jacket he gave on Christmas to him, even if the idea wasn’t technically his.

He puts the mixtape carefully into the leather jacket’s pocket, along with a note he has written that he hopes will deliver the words he couldn’t utter even if he tried his best. Taehyun is learning in baby steps how to deal with feelings and demonstrate them beyond actions. There are things he still can’t say out loud, but he’s thankful that written words exist in such times. Moreover, he knows that Yeonjun doesn’t doubt his feelings, that Yeonjun knows very well that he’s equally loved, equally adored, equally wanted.

Taehyun walks to the door, taking one last look at the boy still in bed, sleeping peacefully. It may be the last time he’ll see Yeonjun, but he feels no sadness or tightness in his chest. He smiles with happiness for having the chance to love someone so much and have that love reciprocated in the same amount. For having the chance to feel normal when everyone points a finger and says that what he feels is wrong. For being the first person to break Choi Yeonjun’s heart — even if this isn’t a reason to be prideful, it’s a good inside joke between them. He feels happiness when looking at Yeonjun’s naked chest rising and falling peacefully, knowing he’ll wake up in a few hours and see his present, listening to it while taking his flight to LA, thinking of him as much as Taehyun will be thinking of him here in Seoul.

He's especially happy he had the chance to meet and fall in love with Choi Yeonjun. If he had to choose, he’d choose to fall in love with Yeonjun over and over again without thinking twice.

junnie

i’m sorry i left without saying goodbye, i just wouldn’t be able to do it without crying and i don’t wanna cry because i’m not sad. and i’m telling the truth this time, no matter how much you think i’m not. i hope you’re not sad either, because i know this won’t be the last time we see each other (i’m trying to think positive here, so don’t crush my hopes yet)

on this mixtape, you’ll find all the songs that played at the most special moments of your love journey. from the first time i saw you getting your ass kicked in the old diner, to the first time you spoke to me, to when we danced together on prom night, to when you told me you loved me so easily. these are special songs for me, i hope they become special for you too. when you miss me so much you feel like you can’t breathe, maybe remembering those moments while listening to the songs will bring you comfort like they did for me.

i guess we could call this mixtape our soundtrack. a movie about a gay boy and a bissexual boy who have nothing in common but end up falling in love and living a beautiful love story. sounds like an interesting plot, doesn’t it? i’d totally watch it on tv with my mom and aunt, while soobin shouts surprise when i come out to them (we still don’t talk about his sexuality, but beomgyu and kai are helping him find himself among the labels, i think it’s nice from them)

i love you very much, even if i don’t say what i feel all the time, i hope you never forget my feeling for you. or doubt them, please never doubt what i feel for you. they’re as real as the stars in the sky, my feelings for you. you’re the first person that makes me feel like i don’t have to blame myself for liking guys, for wanting to kiss them, wanting to be with one. you make me feel like myself, without any obstacles. you make everything seem so easy and i love that about you the most. i hope you never change this in you. life doesn’t have to be complicated all the time, right? let’s walk the simple paths always, hand in hand, next to each other.

i love you, i love you, i love you and if you want, i can write you a million letters saying it over and over again. let me tell you a secret, choi yeonjun: you’re the first person i have ever fallen completely in love, and i’m afraid this feeling will never change. in the old days i used to think, i hope he doesn’t break my heart, but in the end i was the first one to break choi yeonjun’s heart. does that make me someone special? i hope it does. someone special, only for you.

i know nothing is eternal, but let’s pretend we are. please don’t forget me, yeonjun.

yours, taehyun-hyung.