Chapter Text
Another day, another unsuccessful attempt at begging. Ranboo, yet again, returned to the group empty-handed, hungry as ever.
"Ranboo, you suck at this," Tommy commented coldly.
"That was rude." The tall boy replied, sitting down with the rest of their small group.
"Well, I'm sorry! I'm just hangry right now..."
"I believe we all are, Tommy." Tubbo was sitting with them on the cold concrete in the only place they could even remotely call home; the alleyway, home to a dumpster, between a flower shop and the post office. "That's no reason to be mean."
"Face it, we haven't eaten anything – excluding the rotten and unripe fruit in weeks. We're not gonna survive much longer." Tommy pulled his legs closer to his body, picking up tiny rocks from the cracks on the ground.
"Tommy, stop being so pessimistic. Niki promised us bread, alongside her arrival, and we should be inclined to believe her." Ranboo trusted her more than he should. Niki was a young woman, one of few who responded to their begging. She told exciting stories of superheroes and supervillains, somehow managing to put a smile on their faces every time, even if they all knew superheroes didn’t exist. Even if they were, perhaps, they wouldn't be rotting in this absolute hellscape.
"We… could steal." Tubbo simply offered.
"Are you crazy? We'd get caught, no doubt. Worst case scenario, we'd get beaten."
"Now, who's being the pessimist? Stealing is our only chance at this point. Only. Chance. " Standing up, Tommy put on a hooded coat with a stain that was probably thrown away by some privileged rich kid.
“Woah, Tommy, you're not actually gonna try that, right? I only suggested it 'cause I didn't know what else to say," Tubbo protested, grabbing the torn hem of Tommy's pant leg.
"Exactly, and there's nothing else to say. Now let me go, I can start with-"
“Tommy, just stop."
“What? I’m just saying! We have nothing else to do, and if we have to resort to stealing to survive, then I’ll fucking do it!” The brunette and half white, half black-haired boys looked at each other, shocked at what their friend had just said, until finally, one of the young boys spoke up, “Alright, so, where do we start?”
“TUBBO! You’re not seriously considering this, right!? We can’t steal !” Ranboo was fazed by the fact his best friends would even THINK about stealing.
After a lot of arguing and fair points finally, “Fine! I only agreed to this… only because you all are my best friends.”
“We’re your only friends,” Tommy countered.
“...” Only silence could be heard as Tommy said his last word.
“Raccoon boy’s got a point,” Tubbo stood up, searching their area for anything he could use as a bag or a pocket.
“Hey- Hey! Since when was I a raccoon?!”
“Oh, there are many similarities. Many.” Ranboo laughed, standing up too.
“Like what?!”
“Ok, so first off-” Ranboo continued and pretended to count.
“Alright, alright, stop!”
“I barely even said anything.” Ranboo grinned slyly. “Now, shall we get going?”
“I guess we can start at that food truck on the corner of Summit Lane and Quarry Blvd.”
“The one across the Rich Bitches pre-school?” Tommy said abruptly.
“Yep!”
The three looked at each other with uncertainty, until finally, the trio’s eyes locked onto each other’s. “LET’S GO AND TRAUMATISE SOME 4-YEAR-OLDS!”
“FUCK THEIR PARENTS!” Tommy shouted.
The older two stared at Tommy in response.
“Too much?”
“Too much.”
“Alright, so, here’s the plan.” Tommy led. “You two ask the guy for… honestly, whatever, it doesn’t matter. Just take your time deciding, preferably. Then, here comes the amazing excitement! You’ll simply look in our pockets and pretend to look for nonexistent money. While that happens, I’ll sneak through the back and take some. Got it?”
“Doesn’t this plan… only need two people, instead?” Ranboo asked.
“Do you want to just sit here, waiting uselessly?”
After Ranboo’s hesitation, he slowly replied with two words: “Fair point.”
“Tommy, you’ll only have a small amount of time to do this, so you go and be stealthy, ok?” Tubbo said.
“Don’t worry, I’ve – no, we’ve got this.” Tommy nodded. This was certainly the best idea I’ve ever had! He thought to himself.
“This is definitely and most certainly not going to end horribly!” Ranboo beamed.
“Dammit, Ranboo, you jinxed us,” Tommy teased, pulling the hood over his blond hair. “Now, go, go, go!” Ranboo let out a fond little chuckle.
“Quit it! Stop yelling.” Tubbo straightened his clothes, trying to look as presentable as possible without straight-up wearing a suit. Ranboo would straight-up wear a suit, though. Oh, yeah, he’d definitely straight-up wear a suit. “Ready? I suppose, look as normal as possible. Let’s head out into our adventure!” Tubbo declared while grabbing Ranboo’s wrist, pulling them out of the alleyway.
“You don’t need to be so aggressive.”
“I – What!? I’m not aggressive!”
Tubbo held Ranboo’s hand tightly as they approached the food truck, as if they were a couple. Wait, what did the food truck even sell? They’d never bothered to see, as they’d just get hungrier by looking. What are we ordering? Tubbo’s thoughts about this particular food truck and its mysterious food quickly came to a sudden halt when it was their turn to order… whatever they sold.
“All right, all right! What can I get you, boys?” The older man looked at them with kind eyes.
“Uhm… well, first! Do you have any menus? ‘Cause I don’t see any. And also, what exactly do you sell?” Tubbo asked.
“Well, well! We sell those popular hot dogs! And here! We can pull up a menu for you right now,” he began as he turned to leave. Wait, Tommy’s back there-! Ranboo thought.
Tubbo, however, was completely oblivious. Really? They sell hot dogs? It looks like a fuckin’ Mexican taco truck.
Ranboo gently elbowed Tubbo, mouthing Tommy , until he finally realised. “Uhh, no that’s ok, can I just have a chilli dog? Tubbo, what do you want?” Ranboo said. He was surprisingly good at acting.
“Regular with mustard? I dunno.”
“And how much would that be?” Ranboo said, cueing the latter part of the plan where they pretend to forget their money.
“In total, that’s £5.67. We accept any kind of payment.” He smiled. Prick, Tubbo thought.
Ranboo was the first to dig into his pockets (with holes in them, but you couldn’t see), looking for money that he knew didn’t exist. “Uhh, shoot, Tubbo – I don’t have money.”
“ What do you mean you don’t have money? I swear to god – if you owe me one more fucking pence…” Tubbo angrily responded, catching onto the plan. Tubbo, on the other hand, was not too great of an actor.
“Iforgotmycardinthecar,” Ranboo said quickly. He’s too good of an actor. He should have been in the theatre.
“You idi- Fine! Just one last time!” Tubbo also dug into his pockets for money that he was aware didn’t exist. “Aaaand I just remembered…” Wait, what the fuck was he supposed to say now? “I left my wallet… at home…” And especially compared to Ranboo, Tubbo was a shit actor.
“...What,” Ranboo said, less of a question and more of a statement. He turned to the food truck owner, who had been patiently listening to them fake argue. “I sincerely apologise, but we currently don’t have any money.”
“Ah, ah! That’s alright, just come again soon!” He smiled sweetly again, heading to the back.
Meanwhile, Tommy was grabbing anything he could find that was edible and shoving it into his torn tote bag. Shitshitshit-! Tommy barely had time to react.
“HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE!”
“MISSION FAILED! ABORT! ABORT! Tommy yelled, stuffing one last hot dog bun in his mouth, and he had to admit, it was so good too, before dashing out, with the food truck owner in tow. Despite how haphazard it seemed, Tommy paid careful attention to make sure his hood stayed on, where his face could not be seen.
“Already ahead of you!” Tubbo yelled.
“THEN WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU WAIT FOR MEEEEEE!”
“That’s not what I meant-!”
“Guys, stop bickering for god’s sake and just… hurry up and run !”
“That’s exactly what we’re doing!”
“Shut up!”
“Ranboo, you suck at this!”
“What did I do?!”
“We just need to lose him for a while,” Tubbo said, not as loud so that their chaser didn’t hear. “Just… for a while.”
“And how the fuck are we going to do that?!” Tommy snapped back.
“Hey,” Ranboo signalled for their attention. He subtly pointed to an area behind a tall apartment building, behind a dumpster. “That should at least buy us some time.” They ducked behind the dumpster, and there was a boy about their age sitting and picking between the cracks in the concrete. Poor guy, he looked as bad as they did. He gasped in surprise, and maybe out of fear.
“Sorry! No time! Got to go!” Tommy whisper-yelled, while Ranboo started his teleportation process.
“Can’t you hurry it up?” Tubbo whispered impatiently.
“Hush now, or it’ll go slower,” Ranboo looked tense as purple particles swirled around them, enveloping them until purple was all that was in their vision.
When their vision cleared, they were back to their gross and dirty alleyway between the flower shop and the post office that they called “home.”
Tommy leaned against the wall, relieved they weren’t caught. “Man, what a chase,” the blonde said nonchalantly.
“Tommy. TOMMY. How are you so calm, we almost got caught! Did you at least get a lot of food?” the smaller brunette asked, looking at his friend anxiously.
“Chill out, Tubbo, I got the goods–”
“Do you have to say it like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re dealing me some drugs.”
“Woah, man! Never knew you were one for open windows like that.”
“Anyway,” Ranboo interrupted. “We all good?”
“Not exactly!” the boy from before yelled, probably scared.
“What the fuck,” Tommy said. “Where’d you come from?”
“That was not intentional,” Ranboo stated.
“I have six questions: WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY AND HOW?!?!”
“Ranboo, why is he here?” Tommy asked.
“I don’t know!” Ranboo shouted. “Why are you here?”
“I DON’T KNOW!”
“WE DON’T KNOW EITHER!”
“Well, I think he accidentally teleported here with us. We’re at the equivalent of ‘home’ right now. I know it’s not much, but beggars can’t be choosers.” Tubbo explained maturely. “Now for introductions, I’m Tubbo, tall one’s Ranboo, obnoxious one’s Tommy-”
“Hey!”
“So, who are you?”
“Purpled. N-nice to meet you. U-uh, just curious, why exactly were you running?”
“Um…” Tubbo stammered. “Ranboo, you tell him.” he nudged the tall boy.
“Hey-” he sighed. “So we stole from a food truck, long story short we got caught.”
“Oh, speaking of that, Tommy, where's the food?” Tubbo said, now changing his attention to Tommy.
“Right here,” Tommy opened an old tote bag to reveal a ton of hot dogs, plus a bunch of sauce packets.
“I’m hanging around a bunch of thieves,” Purpled muttered, somewhat under his breath.
“Hey, this was our first time, ok?” Tubbo protested.
Tommy dug his hand into the bag and shoved a hot dog in his mouth. Honestly, best food he’d had since Niki.
“Hey, us too! Save us some!” Ranboo exclaimed. Tommy opened the mouth of the bag wider and Ranboo grabbed one for himself. Soon, they were all practically swallowing them, not thinking about rationing at all. Why save it when they could steal more?
Purpled looked from the side, looking like he wanted to say something, but he kept his mouth shut.
“Want one?” Tubbo offered. Purpled eyes lit up as he nodded, sticking his own hand in the bag.
Purpled looked at him until finally, “Y’know what, fuck it– I’ll eat your stolen hotdogs. What else am I gonna do, not eat them?”
“Agreed. But we’re already almost out now.” Ranboo commented.
“Do it again?” Tubbo asked.
“Do it again,” the other three all said at the same time, nodding.
And so, after another prepared plan, they commenced Plan Stealing-Hot-Dogs-For-Food yet again.