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“Hey Will, can I talk to you about something?”
Will turns his head to look at Mike, standing next to him. They’re both leaning against the side of the pizza delivery van somewhere in southern Utah, waiting for Jonathan and Argyle to return from the truck stop showers. After being on the road for three days, showering wasn’t just a commodity; it was a necessity. Even though there were enough shower spaces available for all of them, Jonathan insisted on a buddy system for guarding the van and keeping watch for any FBI agents that, from experience, were known to spring up out of nowhere.
Will thought it was a smart idea- he knew it was- it was being alone with Mike that he found himself against. He knew he’d done a pretty bad job of hiding his feelings lately, but could you blame him? He hadn’t seen Mike in over a year and now they were gallivanting across the country together in a van, and his self-control was hanging by a thread. He just wanted this to be over with before he did something stupid like confessing his feelings or trying to kiss him, so he focused on blending in the background and hiding his feelings through safety in numbers, a plan that was going just great until now, until him and Mike were alone.
“Sure,” Will said, his heart hammering. “What’s up?” When Mike hesitated, Will’s heart sped up more. Mike never hesitates. He never stares at the ground like he is now, brows furrowed, searching for the right word. He just says what he means without much thought. “You can tell me,” Will says to fill the silence, trying his best to sound like a supportive friend and not like he’s three seconds away from a panic attack. “We’re friends, remember? Best friends.” He pauses, clearing his throat. “Friends for life.” Say friends one more time, his brain says. Maybe it’ll save you.
Mike is still staring at the ground, at the sandy parking lot beneath their feet. “Friends?” he repeats.
Will feels sweat break out on the back of his neck. “Of course, I-” he takes a deep breath. “Friends, yeah.”
The silence ticks by like hours. Just when Will is about to do something stupid like throw in another “friends”, Mike breaks out in a grin, finally looking up at him. “Okay, good. I thought you were mad at me.”
“Mad at you?”
“Yeah. You keep staring at me from a distance, like you’re mad or plotting my demise or something.”
Will’s cheeks go red and he quickly looks away, staring ahead at the gas station in front of them. “Sorry.”
“No, don’t apologize,” Mike laughs breezily. “If anything, I should be apologizing. Because my first one might not have been good enough. That’s what I was worried about. I mean it was a year and I hardly said anything to you, only a few half-assed letters and maybe one phone call. And I know you said it was fine and everything, but I still feel like shit about it. And I should, because it was a shitty thing to do. So I’m sorry, again.”
Will forces a smile, trying to ignore the way his heart was still racing. “I accept… again.”
They both laugh at that, the tension momentarily dissolved. Across the street, a red pickup truck pulls out of the gas station. Will watches it go, feeling lighter.
“Now I just have to apologize to El.” Mike says next to him. Will looks at him and sees his face has gone from carefree to stressed again.
“Hey, it’s like I said. As soon as you see her again, just tell her what you want to say. You’ll have the chance.”
“But then it’ll happen again,” Mike blurts out. Will’s eyes widen. “Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay.”
“It’s just-” Mike lowers his voice. “It’s like, I think we’re fine, but then we’re suddenly not and I have no idea what went wrong or how to fix it. And if I do fix it, it’s like we have another fight a week later.” He huffs, frustrated. “I don’t know what she wants from me. I try my best but…” he trails off, and Will can tell he’s upset. “I just can’t.”
“Can’t what?”
“Can’t do it. It’s not-” Mike glances at him quickly. “It’s not like it is with you.”
Will freezes. “With- with me?”
“Yeah,” Mike says casually, like he didn’t just drop a world-changing implication. “It’s so easy. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we do fight.” He frowns slightly. “But we can communicate and fix it. We’re a team. It’s always been that way.”
“It has,” Will nods, not knowing what to say. So he keeps doing what he’s always done. Letting Mike talk and work through his thoughts and offering advice when needed, but more often than not, Mike comes to his own conclusions anyway. So he decides to stay as neutral as possible and see where this was headed because honestly, he didn’t have a fucking clue. And he wasn’t sure if his heart could take it.
“I mean, with El, I never know what she wants,” Mike continues. “But with you, it’s so simple. I always know what you want.”
Will smiles cynically, looking down. Not always. When he looks back up, Mike is watching him intently. He quickly schools his features. “You could ask her what she wants.”
Mike sighs, looking out at the parking lot. “That doesn’t work. You probably don’t know this, but girls are complicated and they never mean what they say.”
You probably don’t know this. Was that supposed to mean what he thought it did? That he didn’t have experience with girls and never would? He has a sudden flashback to when he was fighting with Mike about him ditching D&D to hang with El, and Mike responded with, “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls.” Shit, did he always know? Why did he have to be so fucking obvious?
“Will?” Mike is saying. “Will?”
Will blinks quickly. Did he zone out? “Yeah, sorry.”
Mike looks suddenly nervous. “I only said the girls thing because you’ve never dated anyone, I assume. Right? I didn’t-” he cuts himself off and goes quiet, something Will’s never seen him do before.
Will stares at him. “No, yeah, no. I get what you mean.” He shakes his head. Will get a grip and say something. “I… yeah. Makes sense.” He internally facepalms. Way to look suspicious.
Mike doesn’t say anything and they stay there for a moment, just looking at each other. Mike’s chest is rising and falling quickly. Why is he so nervous? What is going on? Mike swallows thickly and looks away. “So who’s this girl El said you made a painting for?”
What? “El said that?”
“She wrote it in one of her letters. Said you’ve been working on it a lot.” There’s something in Mike’s voice that Will can’t place.
Will’s mind starts racing. El knew about his painting? That it was for someone he liked who may or may not be Mike? Maybe this was his golden ticket out. She did say it was a girl after all, so he should just play along, redeem himself from his absolutely suspicious response earlier. “Yeah. Um, there’s a girl.”
Mike turns to him in surprise, as if he can’t believe it’s true. Will’s almost offended. “Really?”
Will nods. “It’s not a big deal though.”
Mike scoffs. “Sounds like a big deal if you went out of your way to make a whole painting for her.” He’s refusing to look at him, focusing instead on some point in the distance.
Will blinks. What the hell? He’s had to watch Mike get El gifts, go on dates with her, heck, they were even on a mission to save her now. And Mike can’t handle a painting? A part of him lights up at the chance to finally have his own person to brag about, to show off, to have around. For so long he’s been Will Byers, always tagging along and wanting to play D&D while everyone is off doing adult things. Fuck it, he was growing up too, so why not prove it?
“Yeah,” he lies. “I’ve liked her for a while now.” Mike clenches his jaw. “She’s pretty. Dark hair. Pale skin. You’d like her.”
“I’m sure I would,” Mike mutters, still not looking at him. Will is starting to get annoyed. Did Mike think he was lying? That he wasn’t capable of having a real relationship? That he couldn’t be anything other than a guy who plays board games and watches Sunday morning cartoons?
“You’re not the only one who can get girls you know,” he can’t help himself from saying.
“I never said you couldn’t get girls.”
“You implied it.”
“When?”
Will pauses, taking in Mike’s crossed arms and dark eyes. “Why are you mad right now?”
“I’m not mad, Will.”
“Then what-”
“I’m just saying, don’t get distracted. The last thing we need is you obsessing over some girl when we have real things to worry about.”
Will’s eyebrows shot up. “Obsessing over some girl? Do you even hear yourself? That’s all you’ve done for the past year!”
“I’m just saying, if we were on a trek to a top-secret base in Nevada, the last thing I would do is bring a romantic painting with me.”
Will freezes. Shit. How was he supposed to explain that? “It reminds me of her.”
“Of course,” Mike rolls his eyes.
Suddenly, Will is angry. He’s done nothing but support Mike and Eleven this past year, which is probably 10x harder for him than the average person, and here Mike can’t even support his own, albeit fictional, crush. Maybe this is the acid test for friendship. Seeing if the other will be happy for you when you find someone you like. If it is, Mike is failing, hard. “I thought you’d be happy for me.”
“Well I thought-” Mike cuts himself off suddenly, the second time that evening. “Forget it.”
“What-”
“I said forget it.”
Will closes his mouth, opens it, and closes it again, at a loss for words. What the hell was going on? Usually he can follow Mike’s thoughts, sometimes even predict what he was going to say before he said it, but this time he was lost. He tried to come up with a reasonable conclusion. Maybe he was jealous because his own relationship wasn’t working out? Or maybe he was lashing out because he was afraid El was hurt in a lab somewhere? Or maybe… he didn’t even let himself think about the last option, that Mike was in any way reciprocating his feelings. With Mike noticing Will’s stares, the whole “With El, it’s not like it is with you” thing and him getting mad about the mystery girl at the end, it held a bit more credence than the other theories but still, he didn’t let himself go there. Because if he did, he wouldn’t stop. And that was something that would actually distract from their mission.
“We’re back, my dudes,” a voice calls from across the parking lot. Will looks up to see a freshly showered Argyle and Jonathan headed towards them.
“What are you wearing?” Will asks Argyle.
“This?” Argyle looks down at his fluffy white robe. “Man, this shit is like a cloud. And that shower was like the Amazonian river. It was a transformative experience.”
“That still doesn’t answer…”
“He stole it,” Jonathan explains.
“Ah,” Will nods.
“What’s got your goose?” Argyle asks Mike, seeing how he was sullenly looking to the side.
“What?” Mike huffs, seemingly out of patience for Argyle’s weird phrases.
Will steps forward. “He’s just tired. We all are,” he explains, although he didn’t know why he was defending him. If anything he should be the angry one after Mike dismissed his crush like that. Imagine if he did the same thing when Mike and El announced they were dating. Mike wouldn’t like that, would he? How many other double standards were there?
Jonathan is looking between them. “Did something happen?”
Will clears his throat. “Nope. All clear. No sudden FBI attacks or shooting sprees.”
“That’s not exactly what I…” Jonathan scratches the back of his head. “Never mind.” He pauses. “We should hurry up. With any luck we can get to the base before it gets dark.”
Will nods, going to grab his shower stuff. When he turns back, he sees Mike already walking toward the gas station. Will ignores the confused look Jonathan shoots him and starts chasing after him. “Mike, wait!” Mike started walking faster. “Jesus Christ, Mike. Seriously? Can we at least talk about this?”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Mike mutters. Now they’re at the gas station doors and Mike pushes them open, beelining toward the sign marked “showers.”
“We have to pay for…” Will starts but Mike doesn’t seem to hear him, disappearing behind the corner. He sighs and heads toward the counter, slapping a $20 down and waiting as the cashier slides him two keys. He grabs them and jogs to where Mike went, heart hammering. “Mike?” He sees him leaning against one of the doors, arms crossed, unable to get in without a key. He dangles it in front of him. “Need something?”
“Thanks,” Mike grumbles, going to grab it, but Will stops him.
“So we’re not going to talk about this?”
Mike sighs in frustration. “Talk about what?”
“Why you’re mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you, Will,” Mike says, resigned. “I’m mad at myself. For being stupid.”
“Is this about El again? Look, if you messed up you still have a chance to-”
“It’s not about El,” Mike’s voice goes quiet. “It’s about you.”
Will stares at him. Didn’t he just say it wasn’t about him? “Are you sure El is the confusing one in the relationship? Because you’re not making any sense.”
“Will, I think you know what I mean.” Mike has gone serious, more serious than he’s seen him on this trip, and his breathing stops. He can’t-
“What- what do you mean?” he chokes out.
Mike is looking at the floor. “I thought you kept looking at me because you were mad, but you said you weren’t.” Tell him you were mad. Tell him that’s the reason. “I see you staring at me all the time and it’s driving me insane.”
Driving him insane? Will feels the words like a punch in the gut. All of his stupid glances and attempts at flirting have just been annoying Mike. He feels tears sting the back of his eyes. “I’m sorry,” his voice breaks.
Mike looks up, alarmed at the change in demeanor. “Hey, I didn’t mean it in a bad way,” he rushes out. “I meant it like you’re driving me crazy, like you’re under my skin. I-” he cuts himself off. “Shit, I don’t know how to explain it.” He sounds panicked.
“You don’t have to,” Will shakes his head, his vision blurred. “I’ll stop.”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. Fuck. I can’t explain how I feel. I don’t know what I feel. Or what you feel,” he’s rambling and Will feels a tear slip down his cheek. He quickly wipes it away. Stop crying you idiot. “I’ve been away for a year and everything is so different now. With you and with El and I still care about her, obviously. She’s my girlfriend. I mean, we’ve been through so much stuff together. Crazy stuff. She’s…” he smiles slightly. “She’s El. I mean, what can I say?”
Will nods, even though inside his heart is breaking at the words. He looks down, taking a deep breath and trying to compose himself enough to survive more of Mike praising El’s name, but he can’t. He just can’t. A sob leaves his mouth before he can stop it and he covers his face with his hands, turning away. Get a fucking grip, Will. You can cry about this rejection another time. Just not now. Not here. Please.
“Hey,” Mike’s voice is concerned. “Will, what’s going on?”
Will shakes his head, almost laughing despite himself. What’s going on? He really doesn’t know? “If you don’t know, then forget it.” He starts fumbling for his key, hands shaking. What was his shower number again? But before he can do anything, Mike spins him around so his back is against the wall, one hand on each shoulder.
“I know what’s going on.” Mike’s voice shakes. “And it’s driving me insane.”
“I-”
“In a good way. In a good way, I swear,” he says quickly, before Will can say anything. “Let me explain. Last year when you left for California, I couldn’t get you out of my head. I thought it was just because we’d been friends for so long, but it was too often and I…” he trails off. “I think that’s why I hardly reached out. Because I couldn’t let myself give into it.”
Will just stares at him in disbelief.
“And when I saw you looking at me all those times, I thought maybe you felt the same,” he glances at him quickly. “Which made my mind go on overdrive and…” He looks up at Will. “You do like me, right?”
Will nods quickly. “Yeah. I’ve liked you for a long time.”
“A long time?” Mike raises an eyebrow.
Will blushes. “You could say that.”
Mike breaks out into a grin. “Cool.”
“Cool.”
They stay like that for a second, smiling at each other, and Will feels like his heart could burst. There’s no way Mike likes him back. There’s no way this just happened. A fresh wave of tears springs to his eyes.
Mike’s voice goes soft. “Don’t cry.”
“I’m just happy,” Will sniffs. “I really never thought this would happen.”
“Hey, give yourself some credit,” Mike playfully knocks him on the arm. “You’re a real catch, Will Byers.”
“You’re not so bad yourself,” he replies shyly. Fuck, were they flirting right now?
Mike smiles at his response and for a second they just stare at each other. Mike’s eyes flit down to Will’s lips, hesitating, but then he pulls back, looking away. “Out of respect for El-”
“No, yeah, of course,” Will stutters out.
“And your girl back home.”
What? “My girl?”
Mike coughs. “The one with the dark hair and pale skin. Who’s pretty or whatever.”
Will feels a wave of satisfaction course through him. So he was jealous. “Yeah, about that…” he scratches the back of his head. “I may have, uh, lied about it being a girl. Because it was actually a boy.”
Mike’s eyes widen. “Oh, okay. No problem. So your boy back home then-” Will gives him a knowing look and then Mike realizes. “Your boy with the dark hair and pale skin, wait, so the painting’s for me?” He looks genuinely excited and Will nods, smiling. “And you brought it with you?”
Will nods again. “I’m not ready to show it yet, but sometime.”
Mike beams at him. “Sometime.”
Will looks away, thinking about the implication of the word. Sometime. After they find El, after things settle down, after they tell their friends. What will everyone think? What will El think? Shit, this is bad.
“Hey,” Mike cuts him off, seeing him overthinking. “Let’s just focus on right now, okay?” He holds out his hand and Will looks down at it, hesitating, but Mike nods in reassurance. So he takes his hand and their fingers interlock, and he melts at the feeling of Mike’s palm against his, all his worries draining out of him. God, he would do anything for this boy. “We should probably shower now,” Mike whispers. “They’re going to be wondering why we’re taking so long. Especially Jonathan, you know how he can be.”
Will nods, although the other guys were the last thing on his mind. “You’re right. We should go.” So they part ways and when Will walks down the hallway and finally shuts his door behind him, he lets out a breath, not knowing whether to laugh or cry or scream, but instead he does none of the above and just smiles, stepping into the warm embrace of the shower. And Argyle was right. This shower was one of the best of his life.
-
30 minutes later, they’re in the back of the van, the bumpy road under them lulling Will into a trance. He feels his eyelids start to droop and yawns, but before he can move to rest his head against the window, he feels wet hair tickling his neck and when he looks over, he realizes Mike is falling asleep on his shoulder. A smile spreads across his face before he can stop it and gently, he rests his head on top of his. In the rearview mirror, Jonathan gives him a knowing look although he pretends not to notice. That conversation is for another day. Now, all that matters is the feeling of warmth against him, the smell of Mike’s shampoo and the knowledge that no matter what happens next, he’ll be okay as long as he has Mike by his side.