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Alex knows.
He knows how this situation turns out. He knows how to resolve it and make everything go back to how it usually is. He steps into the living room where his mother and father wait for him on the couch. He was finally done with finals at university and accidentally confessed his anxiety the night before when he spilled juice all over his mother's work because he hasn't slept for weeks and was jittery.
"I'm so sorry." His mother said and stood up.
"It's alright, how could you have known? Why would you have known?" Alex answered, stepping slightly away from her. "It's not like it changes anything, right? I should still be accountable for my actions. No excuses. I'll just take a break and I'll be back to normal."
"Maybe Alex, but I think you need help. Professional help." His father came closer and put his hands up, like he was talking to a frightened animal. "This is not something that should be happening. I think you need more than just a break. This isn't normal."
"What would you know about normal? I'm tired of not being seen as normal. I'm sorry that I couldn't be your picture perfect flower child!" Alex shouted, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "I have ambitions, dad! You cannot deny me them! I am fully autonomous so you can't decide what I can and cannot do!"
"I know, Alex, but don't you think that this isn't healthy? Haven't you noticed a pattern?" His mother put a hand on his shoulder and unable to stop himself, Alex flinched. His mother gazed at him sadly and took her hand back. "Every couple of months, you do something that doesn't need to be done. You can take things one at a time. Maybe drop some clubs and a job. Alex, you know this."
Of course, Alex noticed. He was probably the most dramatic out of all his sisters. He would have a mental break down that required his father to restrain him and his mother to calm him down. Then he would have to apologize and pretend that all was well. Alex knew. Alex had to know. He couldn't be unaware of his own actions and consequences like his sisters.
"Alex knows. Alex knows. Well, you know what? What if Alex doesn't know? What if Alex is afraid that one day he'll wake up and find himself with no motivation whatsoever? That he won't care about anything?" Alex yelled, hands clasping behind his neck, a habit he picked up in his last year of high school.
"Alex, calm down. Alex doesn't need to know everything. All I think Alex should know is that we care about him a lot and only want to help. He should know that I love him for who he is." His father tried to gently grab his arm but Alex still wasn't done yet and wrenched himself away.
"You know what? Sometimes it doesn't feel like I'm even living with humans. It's like I live with a bunch of robots. It's always talk, talk, talk and 'we can resolve this without raising our voices'. What if I just want to raise my voice and go to sleep without pretending that this always works? I always pretend to be fine. I pretend that the talks we have work out. I have nightmares about uncle Ned, you know. I have nightmares about how I turn out to just be like him. How I might as well be him." Alex needed more space so he moved away further, he didn't know what he was even saying. Why was he saying this? Shouldn't this just be something that only he knew? He didn't need to worry his parents further by telling them stuff like this. "I want you to care enough to raise your voices and react without thinking because at that moment, your values don't matter."
His face was wet now, tears were streaming down and Alex let them, he didn't bother hiding it or wiping them. His chest was heaving from the confession and his hands could hardly be kept still. He was shaking and he was cold. He sat on the hard wooden floor, losing strength in his body the more he confessed and gave up.
"You can't ask this of us, Alex, you can't ask us to drop our beliefs. We would never ask that of you." His mother came closer and sat next to him. Familiar warm hands wiped his tears for him and ran through his hair, comfortingly.
Alex sobbed louder, grabbing his mothers wrists and looking her in the eyes. "Mom . . . "
He hesitated when he saw tears in both of his parents eyes. He saw the hurt and the concern. He saw that they only wanted him to be better. He could tell that this was uncharted territory for the both of them. They probably were grasping at straws just like him. They didn't know how to help him. They couldn't help him. They couldn't control his thoughts and they couldn't make the bad ones go away.
"Alex, are you okay?" Suddenly Andy was by him, looking down at where he sat despondently on the floor.
And Alex couldn't pretend anymore. He couldn't lie anymore, not to an innocent young soul. "No, Andy. I'm not okay."
"Oh . . . will you be okay?" Andy asked, nothing more than just a blonde jumbled mess in Alex's eyes.
Alex doesn't know.