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Byleth sat down along the shoreline of the river near the Garreg Mach Monastery. It was a bit of a walk to get back down the hill, but she found the spot she had wanted to track down. Well, maybe. The river’s terrain did kind of blend together, and it wasn’t like she’d been paying close attention when she was here the first time.
In truth, she hadn’t expected to take her fishing equipment on a walk down the hill, especially not in the dead of night. But it worked out. She couldn’t sleep anyway, and when she looked out at the moon’s position, she figured she’d be able to get to the spot and settle in for a round of fishing before sunrise.
The walk had been uneventful, even in the darkness. She remained on her guard the whole time – it was a force of habit by this point – but no wolves, no demonic beasts, no residual assassins or troops from the battle. In truth, she had kind of hoped for something to occupy her thoughts so she could replay the sequence in her head. Sleepless nights were not a particularly common thing for her, or at least they hadn’t been before meeting Sothis. Even then, her sleeplessness would stir the small mind-goddess into conversation.
Ever since returning from that realm of total darkness – Tomas called it “Zahras,” I think… – her sleepless nights were astoundingly lonely, and they seemed to increase since she got back from her five-year sleep. Part of her wondered if she’d overdone her rest and now she was having nights without sleep to make up for it.
She knew the real reason why, though. And it bothered her greatly.
And so, here the woman once known as “the Ashen Demon” for her perceived emotionlessness now sat – unsure of which emotions to process, which to mow through, and which to dismiss.
I wonder if this would have been easier if I had been in touch with my emotions from the beginning… Or maybe I was better off not noticing my feelings…
The idle thoughts passed through Byleth’s mind, triggering an anxiety feeling. She hated that anxiety feeling. It always made her want to fight, but there was nothing to fight. Byleth blew a lock of green hair out of her eyes and put her whole focus into the hook on her line.
She baited it with the same focus she put into hunting a large beast when the dining hall ran low on meat. Then, with break-net speed, the line was cast. It was not exactly the best cast, but she wasn’t exactly thinking about catching food at the moment. She had arrived before the fish were even likely to be active. She had time to re-cast.
For now, Byleth got herself comfortable and took a few deep breaths. Before she knew it, she had found a trance for herself, staring out at the line bouncing up and down. A sense of calm re-asserted itself as she tried allowing her idle thoughts to flow like the river itself.
She likely couldn’t have said how long she sat in a focused silence, but she could tell you what finally broke it. Footsteps could be heard coming down the hill. Byleth could tell from the way they were landing that they were from a physically light body, but they were deliberate. The person wasn’t trying to hide that they were coming, which put Byleth at ease. She knew it was someone she knew, and though she didn’t turn around, she had a fairly good idea who would be willing to leave the monastery before the sun was even visible to check on her.
“Really, my Teacher, the fact that you took all your fishing supplies is the least surprising thing about this. The fact that it’s not surprising concerns me. It means that I have come to consider a post-battle fishing expedition as an everyday occurrence.”
Byleth smiled at the attempt at humor, knowing the voice by heart. She turned to see the emperor – her former student – Edelgard awkwardly trying to step over the last part of rocky terrain to reach her. While she had been smart enough to wear flat-soled footwear on this journey, she still was wearing the full, red emperor’s dress she wore out in public every day. A thought passed through her mind as she realized how much time Edelgard likely had to spend putting that complex thing on just to walk around amongst the trees and darkness.
“I see you got dressed up. Is that for me, or should I be expecting the whole strike force?” Byleth said, teasingly.
Edelgard turned to the log Byleth was sitting on and inspected it, hoping she could brush off the tease and clear the blush off her face before Byleth noticed. “Well, as you may be aware, I am the emperor, and I didn’t know for certain how long I’d be out. It would be unbecoming for an emperor to not be in proper attire in front of her citizens first thing in the morning…”
“Then why no crown or makeup?”
Edelgard stammered, trying to make an excuse before Byleth smiled and reached for her hand. Edelgard’s redding face looked her teacher in the eyes. Byleth said, “I’m glad you came. Come sit with me.”
Edelgard returned the smile and got herself comfortable. “I don’t suppose you brought your old poles with you?”
“No, I wasn’t expecting to see anyone. Even when we were at the academy, you only fished with me a couple times.”
Edelgard shrugged. “It wasn’t exactly a pastime of mine growing up, though my eldest brother did go from time to time, if memory serves. He always had it in his head that he may one day have to command troops in the field, and he wanted to master survival skills.”
“Did he ever catch anything?”
Edelgard thought about it longer than Byleth was expecting. “I honestly cannot say. If he did, the chances that he caught something that would have passed through our kitchens are next to zero. Nonetheless, I do recall him coming in periodically, smelling of the outdoors, after attempting to hunt or fish.” Edelgard chuckled to herself as she recalled the image.
Byleth returned the smile, happy to see Edelgard carry a positive memory from her childhood for a change. “He sounds like he was a dedicated person. I think I would have liked him.”
Edelgard’s eyes had a ghost of sadness in them as she continued to look out. “I think you would have too.”
The two went back to sitting in silence for a time. Now that Edelgard had given her a diversion from her thoughts, Byleth thought to pull back the line and re-cast. At this point the light of the upcoming dawn seemed imminent. The sky was still pitch black, but a hint of a shade change was at the tip of the horizon.
Edelgard was the one to break the silence. “So what made you come to the river? If you wanted to fish, you could have used the dock behind the monastery like normal.”
“I was awake almost the entire night after our war meeting ended. If I went to the dock, I’d have been sitting for an extra hour. The walk was… helpful.”
“Had you stayed at Garreg Mach, I likely wouldn’t have been awoken in the middle of the night by Hubert.”
A smirk creeped across Byleth’s face. “Oh, so that’s how you knew! Hubert can’t sleep either?”
Edelgard shook her head. “He has been taking on shifts monitoring the living quarters at night. After the invasion, he thought it necessary to give Shamir and Jeritza a more normalized sleep schedule.”
“That was really nice of him.”
“Don’t tell him you think that. He’ll just deny it,” Edelgard teased, before going into her Hubert impression. “ Kindness has nothing to do with it, Professor. I am simply seeking to best manage the resources available to Lady Edelgard.”
This started a fresh round of laughter from both of them. Edelgard could never get the base in her voice to sound remotely near Hubert’s, but seeing her contort her face into an exaggerated Hubert sneer just seemed so hilariously out of place. Eventually, Edelgard went back to prying. “You haven’t left the monastery in the middle of the night before. I have to assume something was different from sleepless nights in the past.”
Byleth nodded along before turning back to the river. She thought there was a bite, but it was just the ebb and flow of the river acting upon the line. She continued to stare out as she answered. “I think this is the part of the river I popped out of after the five years I slept.”
Byleth couldn’t see Edelgard’s eyes widen. “I see. I must admit I had wanted you to show me where you had been but thought it would have been intrusive.”
Byleth shrugged. “As I was waking back up, I had just a mess of feelings and broken thoughts. I can’t recall any thoughts until I had already reached the surface. But one thing I can recall was that I heard Sothis’s voice again.”
“The Goddess?!” Edelgard said with legitimate surprise in her voice. She knew from past conversations that Byleth had spoken with her before and were apparently on friendly terms for a while, but she had tried to put it to the back of her mind. “What did she say to you?”
Byleth became sad at this. “I can’t remember. I know I heard sadness in her voice… I think she urged me to wake up, but everything is just… flashes… I haven’t heard anything from her since we became one.
“That may have been the final thing she could say to me, and I can’t even remember.”
Edelgard placed a hand on Byleth’s left shoulder. “I can remember how all ten of my siblings died, but I can’t remember all the final words they gave. My eldest sister’s final moments… I blocked out completely. It can be maddening, and it makes you wonder if there was a final will offered at that moment. If she saw me now, am I following her final message? That’s why I resolved for so long to only look forward, to push toward the future.”
Byleth turned her head slightly to see her. “What changed?”
“You disappeared for five years. To put you in the past, to forget about you, after everything you did for me… all the times you saved me… I couldn’t live with myself if I did that.”
Byleth wanted to nod in understanding, but felt herself wanting to share more. “Ever since I got back, I’ve had so many great reunions with you and the Eagles, but I’ve had so many sad reunions. Seeing Ignatz determined to hurt us when he used to be so gentle; the disgust I felt from Alois on the battlefield today; and the look of hurt on Flayn’s face when she had to fight me.”
“I saw she and Seteth flee the battlefield. I take it you broke her resolve to fight you and convinced her to leave?”
“Are you mad?”
Edelgard gave her the warmest smile she could muster. “Of course not. She was your student too. What she dealt with when our… rogue agents tried to run off with her was appalling. I wish there was a way she’d have sided with us in the Holy Tomb, but you and I both know it wasn’t going to happen…
She paused. “So I just… never tried. But I never wanted her to be hurt. I hope she and Seteth find peace somewhere, and maybe they’ll find a real place for themselves to be happy in the world after the– my teacher!”
Byleth finally broke and dove her face into her arms. She stopped herself from outright sobbing, but tears were clearly leaking out as she moved her head up to try speaking.
Edelgard waited until her breathing returned to normal before trying to talk to her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Byleth continued pointing her eyes into her arms and thighs. “All I’ve ever wanted to do was make people happy. I tried helping everyone in all the houses, but now I can’t help them all. I can’t save everybody. When Sothis got me out of that spell, she gave herself up to do it. And I keep wondering if things would have turned out better if she had gone in my place.”
Edelgard didn’t have words to respond at that moment. But she knew what she would have wanted in that moment. She put her arms around the former mercenary as she buried her head back in her arms and tried to compose herself. As the tremors in Byleth’s muscles returned to normal, and her breathing became stable again, Edelgard began piecing together what she wanted to say. It was difficult to organize, though, because there was so much she felt she needed to say. She gave Byleth another minute to look back up, and as she turned her reddened eyes back to the emperor, Edelgard moved to her lips and gave her a kiss. She hoped that the emotions she wanted to convey in words might be done through this act. She hoped Byleth could feel her trying to say, “I’m glad you’re the one who made it back, and I’m sure Sothis thinks so too,” because trying to state agreement out loud with the Goddess of Fodlan was a drawbridge she simply didn’t want to lower in her mind.
As she pulled back, Edelgard spoke the first thought that came into her head. “I prayed every day before my life came apart. I prayed as it was coming apart. I prayed as I watched my siblings die. It fell silent at the feet of the Goddess… So I resolved to get through without the help of others. I would create a world where everyone could have that chance. I thought any sacrifice would be worth it if I could just make sure no one was ever that helpless again. And I was fine going without anyone at my side.
“But then you stepped in front of that bandit for me. No one, not even the Goddess had stepped in to protect me, but you did it without hesitation and didn’t even know my name. I didn’t know how to respond to you, and as we went through the year, I became more certain that you were the epitome of love I thought was meant to come from the Goddess. I still think of you as the best person I’ve ever known.”
Edelgard was shocked at how vulnerable she was becoming – something that only ever seemed to happen with her teacher. Byleth put her right hand to Edelgard’s face while the other hand clasped on top of Edelgard’s shaking hands. Byleth wanted to respond, but it was clear Edelgard was trying to finish her thought, so she let her calm down and continue.
“That’s why I was sure you’d side with Rhea at the Holy Tomb. The weeks before, I kept thinking, “When she sees who you really are, she’ll hate you. When the truth about you comes out, she’ll hate you. When she sees the ugliness you hide, she’ll hate you.
“I was prepared to lose you that day, to feel my heart break that day… but it never came. You knew everything, and stayed with me anyway. I still don’t understand it, but I know this: I never would have thought about the past the way I do now without you, and I wouldn’t be as close with the Eagles without you.
“For what it’s worth, my Teacher, you saved me that day, and I’ll never not be grateful that you came back from the darkness that day.”
As Edelgard finished speaking, a memory came back to Byleth that she hadn’t thought of in some time…
“What do you think of this blend, my Teacher?”
Byleth sipped the berry-blended tea that Edelgard had prepared. She had already had a small serving of the rose petal blend and found this one to be much sweeter.
“I prefer the berry tea, for sure, though it’s an odd taste to drink hot.”
“It sounds like you might like a sweet-tasting tea that could blend easily with cream. Have you ever added milk or cream to your teas before?”
Byleth shook her head with her famously blank expression. “I usually would just drink what’s in front of me. It was about energy more than anything. Edelgard?”
“Yes, my Teacher?”
“Are you sure this is how you want to spend your day off? I’m grateful for your company, but I know Dimitri and Claude were meeting up today. You could have met with the other house leaders or other Eagles.”
Edelgard poured the hot water into a new teacup with the Seiros tea blend in it. “I speak and meet with the others plenty. You must have noticed that even despite our differences, Ingrid and I have taken to talking more, and it sounds like we both have been looking out for Lysithea in our spare time.
Byleth nodded along. “I guess it just surprised me. No one besides my father ever wanted to hang out with me in our mercenary group. And yet you’ve been taking time to have me try new tea blends, desserts, see the flowers…”
“I told you before that I would help you find favorite things since you had never considered such things. Surely you didn’t think that the princess of the Adrestian Empire would lie so brazenly to a school official.”
“I guess I just don’t see the value in it for you. I see it for myself. I feel… well, I feel. That’s new to me.”
“And that’s the value I see in it. Everyone deserves their own life. And everyone deserves to have their own identity. You’ve been nothing but kind to me as well as our whole house. I can think of nothing greater than helping you craft that identity for yourself.” She poured cream into the Seiros tea and stirred. “Try this.”
Byleth held the teacup to her mouth, before asking one more thing, somewhat timidly. “And if the person I become is someone you don’t like?”
“The person you become will stem from your heart. Having seen the kindness in your heart: What’s not to like? I’ll be happy to see you feel more comfortable in your own skin. That’s what’s important here.”
Byleth considered her words as she finally sipped the tea. “Oh! This feels smooth on my tongue. I like the taste of it. I think this one is it.”
She smiled as she said it, and the sight of it made Edelgard smile, knowing she had helped her teacher find some joy in this moment.
Byleth snapped back after blinking, a smile back on her face.
“What did you just remember, my Teacher?”
“My life has always been about helping others and making others happy. But that whole year, as much as you could, you wanted to help me be happy.”
“It’s what you deserve, my Teacher.”
“Even at the Holy Tomb, you accepted my decision, even though you expected me to leave you. Everyone always assumed I’d be around them. You helped me even as you planned for me to choose against you.”
Byleth moved in and gave a quick follow-up peck on Edelgard’s lips, bringing the blush back. “You’re not the bad person you think you are. In fact, I’m probably who I am because of your kindness and caring. You’re incredible.”
Byleth looked up behind Edelgard to see the edge of dawn finally breaking over the horizon. Edelgard turned to see the colors of the new day arriving.
“As I got close to betraying the Church of Seiros,” Edelgard said, “I covered my windows. I feared the dawn and the start of each day because it was one day closer to the day everyone would see me for who I am. Because of you, I don’t feel it as much anymore. I hope I can help you too.”
Byleth wrapped her arm around Edelgard and pulled her in. “You did.”
As they watched the sunrise, Edelgard, rested her exhausted head on Byleth’s shoulder. Byleth, equally exhausted, ended up resting her head on top of Edelgard’s shoulder. The two rested sitting up under the warm glow of the spring sunlight. They would never know how many, if any, fish actually bit on the line.