Chapter Text
anon user 1 added xx people to the chat
anon user 1 change their name to Connie
Connie name the chat help plz
anon user 2
it is two fucking am this better be important
Connie
guys
can someone let me in the dorms
guys i locked myself out
forgor my key
anon user 3
imagine getting locked out before the school year officially starts 💀
Connie
omg shut up you neighing asshole
anon user 5
connie you are going to tell me you didnt wake me up because you added everyone you know to a gc to ask to get let into the BOYS dorm
girls. to get into the boys dorm
Connie
um
shit
my bad annie
anon user 2
annie?
anon user 4
as your acquaintance i beg you please think about things for more than two seconds before you do them
Connie
no
HOLY SHIT
anon user 4
wait what?
Connie
guys i think theres a ghost
i saw a white figure
only for a second tho
anon user 2
I think thats annie
i saw her leave our dorm
Connie
oh
FUCK FUCK FJCBKDKF
HELO
SOS
wow shes rlly fast
PLWSEAW
INMTOO PRERT TO DWE
anon user 2
annie is just girlbossing
dont stop her
or ur sexist
anon user 3
who even r u
I dont have your contact
anon user 2
wow sexist much
anon user 3
HUH??@&^@&(@&??@@*(
DO YOU EVEN HAVE ME??e#@o
anon user 2
no lol
I dont have a lot of these contacts actually
anon user 4
I have a few from orientation, thats it
I’m marco!
anon user 4 changed their name to Marco
anon user 3
who
anon user 2
he just said his fucking name are you stupid
also hey im hitch ;)
anon user 3
tf kind of name is that
Marco changed anon user 2’s name to Hitch
Marco
how are you guys arguing you just met
also connie are you okay?
Connie
i am sofucking scared rn
annie has been staring at me for the past two minutes
i think i pissed my pants
deadass
Hitch
ew tmi
also i’d like to hear YOUR name huh 🤨
anon user 3
its jean
NOT like the pants it's zh-awn kinda
Hitch
like john
Hitch changed anon user 3’s name to John
John
NO
Marco changed John’s name to Jean
Marco
hi jean! i believe we have a few classes together actually
we should all go to sleep
if not for our sakes, for our roommates
Jean
speaking of which
connie how are your pants
Connie
bro fucking niagara falls up in here
Jean
idk why i even asked
Marco
Is annie still there?
Connie
shes leaving thank god
im gonna have nightmares fr
WAIT
Jean
oh god what
Connie
i still need into the dorm
Jean
im going to fucking sleep
Hitch
same
Marco
i guess i can help connie
Connie
I LOVE YOU MARCO
youre all fake friends except marco
Hitch
dont really know him like that to be offended
Connie
omg guys maybe we can use this gc for homework help
hello?
okay tough crowd
Jean
go to bed
.
anon user 6
what the fuck
anon user 6 changed their name to Ymir
anon user 7
oh
Ymir
problem?
anon user 7
no i just
i think i know you kinda
Ymir
word?
anon user 7
you are the “fat fucking lesbian” right? from orientation?
Ymir
fuck ya
you?
anon user 7
um
Ymir
what
anon user 7
bertholdt
Ymir
that. certainly is a name
wait
arent you that one really fucking tall kid who hung out with the big brawny himbo guy?
anon user changed their name to Bertholdt
Bertholdt
yea…?
himbo?
Ymir
said what i said
i dont get how you wear sweaters all the time tho its hot as balls esp with the dumb uniform
Bertholdt
idk theyre comfy
i have to get ready
bye
Ymir
booooooo
alr who else is here
anon user 8
hi!!!!!!!
Ymir
ah yea
i totally know you, anon user 8
😐
anon user 8
so mean T-T
im sasha!!!!!!!!
anon user 8 changed their name to Sasha
Ymir
thats familiar
what room are you?
Sasha
1043 :D
Ymir
i knew it
1045! are you the brunette?
Sasha
YESSS I AM!!!
WE SHOULD GET BREAKFAST TOGETHER
Ymir
alr but we are waiting for historia
Sasha
historia??
Ymir
my roommate
and girlfriend <3333
so if any of you touch her ill kill you <333333
Sasha
OMG CUTEEEE
and scary D:
i knew she had a girlfriend but i didnt know it was you!!
Ymir
wait you know her?
Sasha
ya i met her yesterday!
weird that i havent seen u
Ymir
school just started
idk how connie even got enough numbers at orientation alone to add them all to this gc
anon user 9
jesus christ this is what gave me my notifications??
Sasha
sorryyyyyyyy
Ymir
i am not sorry
anon user 10
well arent you nice
Ymir
reiner.
Sasha
wha
is that actually him
anon user 10
how the fuck did you
Ymir
could smell your cologne
anon user 10
its a phone?????
are you stalking me
also who are you
Ymir
why would i spend my time on that
Ymir change anon user 10’s name to Weiner
Weiner
fuck you
how do you change the names
guys
Bertholdt changed Weiner’s name to Reiner
Reiner
bertholdt youre a life saver
Ymir
thought you had to get ready??
Bertholdt
reiner and i are roommates
so
Ymir
thoughts and prayers bitch!
anon user 11
ymir i thought we agreed no being mean to people until i have coffee
Ymir
HISTORIA
sorry shawty bae <3
anon user 11 changed their name to Historia
Historia
its ok <3
Reiner
oh hey historia
Historia
hey reiner!
Ymir
explodes you with my mind
Reiner
what
Historia
YMIR
does it look like i have coffee in my hand
Ymir
fine
Jean
now that its not late i just wanna say
fat chance this is going to be used for homework help
Sasha
.
what homework
Ymir
PLEASE LMAOOOOO
Sasha
GUYS THIS IS A /SRS MOMENT WHAT HOMEOWKR
anon user 9
like you can talk horseboy
Jean
OI FUCK YOU
YOURE FUCKING EREN ARENT YOU
IT IS I CAN SEE YOU LAUGHING
anon user 12 changed anon user 9’s name to Eren
anon user 12 changed their name to Mikasa
Jean
oh hey mikasa
Mikasa
eren if you dont hurry tf up armin and i are ditching your ass for breakfast
Eren
WHAT
NO
IM HURRYING
armin wouldnt ditch me
Mikasa sent an attachment
Eren
GOD FUCK OK OK
IM GOING
Ymir
slay on getting ignored jean
Jean
fuck u
Marco
what room are you? we can walk together if youd like
Jean
yes actually
1048
Marco
wait
youre the really loud room
Sasha
huh????
Marco
omg arguing loud get your mind out of the gutter
Jean
oh
are we that loud?
Marco
um
Reiner
yes
Jean
fuck my bad
eren is just a piece of shit
Eren
FUCK OFF
Marco
yea my roommate is good friends with yours so hes kinda concerned
anyway ill wait for you!
Jean
thanks
anon user 13
alright eren told me to say hi so
hi
i am concerned
anon user 13 changed their name to Armin
Connie
ARMINNNNN
WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT WHEN I NEEDED YOU MOST
I NEEDED HELP
Marco
well i feel appreciated
stayed up an hour and everything
Connie
wait no marco i appreciate u
Armin
i was… sleeping?
because i did remembered my key
Connie
</3
Ymir
conmin breakup arc
jealous!marco 250k words slowburn strangers to friends to lovers
Reiner
was i supposed to understand that
Ymir
uncultured
bertholdt you understand right
i know youre here
i have the feeling you understand
Bertholdt
uh
no comment
Armin
conmin???
thats an awful ship name
1/10
Ymir
would you prefer armnie
armonnie
conarm
WAIT conarm is kinda good
Connie
what is a ship name
Marco
oh god
Hitch
glad to see this descended into chaos while i was gone
n e ways what are your homeroomssss
i have levi ackerman
Connie
NO WAY me too
Ymir
same actually
Armin
me too???
Jean
same for marco and i
Hitch
yall r shitting me
for real???
Reiner
bertl n i have him too
Historia
you guys will never guess my homeroom
Jean
how the fuck does everyone here have the same homeroom
Connie
I HAVE THE LUCK OF THE GODS
Sasha
oh god connie has an ego boost
Jean
everyone take cover
Connie
wow some friends smh
marco youre my new best friend
Marco
wha
Historia
so im guessing u guys knew each other beforehand?
Sasha
yea but no??? connie n i knew each other in middle school and we met jean over the summer
we decided hes the worst
we r now besties
Jean
when will the slander end
Hitch
never
so who all knows who already?
Marco
ummm
i knew ymir and historia
Historia
yes!!! we love marco
Ymir
hes ok
Marco
rude
Reiner
annie, bertl and i knew each other
Hitch
you guys knew annie?
Annie
pains in my ass
Reiner
we get along great
Bertholdt
annie kicks u on the regular
Reiner
WE GET ALONG GREAT
Bertholdt
ok
Ymir
denial 🙏
Armin
eren mikasa and i are childhood friends lol
and eren and mikasa are siblings!
Mikasa
adoptive siblings
Eren
why do you feel the need to specify
Mikasa
i dont want people to think im biologically related to your father
Ymir
HELPJADJA
Historia
relatable
Reiner
yall have dads? #deadbeat
Jean
relatable
Ymir
yall have alive biological parents lol
Mikasa
relatable
Annie
relatable
Connie
are yall OKAY?????
Hitch
clearly fucking not
Marco
why is everyone traumadumping
isnt it a little early in the friendship for this
Hitch
not if ur gay
Marco
true
Hitch
omg youre gay??
Marco
yea
Hitch
connie im stealing your best friend
Connie
FUCK OFF HES MINE
Sasha
wow are we chopped liver
Jean
smh
Armin
marcos getting passed around like a ragdoll 😭
Marco
im just trying to eat my croissant
and failing
because someone keeps stealing bits of it
Jean
whoever could that be
hm
i wonder
Sasha
THEY HAVE CROISSANTS
Ymir
she ran off
praying for yall in the cafeteria
Connie
omg i just had an idea
Hitch
not sure if i like where this is going
Connie
wow
i was just gonna say we should add the rest of our homeroom when we meet them
Armin
i like that!
itll be a nice place to help with classes if someone misses a class or just needs help
Connie
oh but when i say it…
Eren
when have you ever needed help with any assignment armin
Armin
.
i was thinking abt others
Bertholdt
um
i hate to interrupt
but if you havent eaten yet you might want to
sasha is quite literally tearing the buffet apart
Reiner
i saw her unhinge her jaw like a snake
i can never unsee that
.
Connie added 4 people to the chat
Connie change anon user 13’s name to Marlowe
Connie change anon user 14’s name to Floch
Connie change anon user 15’s name to Mina
Connie change anon user 16’s name to Thomas
Connie
homeroom assembled!!
Mina
hi!!!
Thomas
hey
Connie
we should all do ice breakers
i dont know any tho
Hitch
you are so useless
everyone share a fun fact or something
Sasha
ME FIRST
ok hi hi!!!!!!!!!
im sasha annnnnnnd ive been the pie eating champion at my hometown for 3 years!
Thomas
oh wow
Mina
youre the potato girl
with shadis
Sasha
um
yes
not my best moment
Connie
ill go next
im connie (creator of the gc) and i choose to be bald its a lifestyle
before anyone asks
Ymir
this class sure has some interesting hairstyles
Hitch
speaking of
@ Marlowe you next bowl cut boy!
Marlowe
my name is right there
but okay
uh
i have a hamster
Hitch
WAIT YOU DO
SEND A PIC PLEASEPSALSLA
Marlowe sent an attachment
Sasha
HES SO CUTE
Hitch
THEY LET YOU HAVE A PET HERE
Marlowe
as long as my roommate was ok with it yea
Floch
i am said roommate
hi
floch (pronounced flock) and i like to disagree with people for fun
/hj
Ymir
felt
also i am ymir and i am a fat fucking lesbian
Thomas
are you the girl who shouted that at orientation omg
Ymir
omg
my legacy
Historia
im so proud of u
also before i forget my fun fact is that my dad doesn’t know i have access to his bank account
Mina
PLEASE WHAT
Marlowe
IS THAT LEGAL????
Historia
prob not but hes a capitalistic asshole who didnt raise me so who cares
Marlowe
fair
Mina
umm
i am mina!! and this is embarrassing but i collect stuffed animals
Sasha
ITS NOT EMBARRASSING
AS HER ROOMMATE I SAY THEYRE CUTE AF
Mina
awww ty
Thomas
ig ill go
thomas, and i was able to afford coming here by selling some of my pokemon card collection
Connie
that is fucking amazing
Armin
YOU PLAY POKEMON
Thomas
YES
Armin
MARCO WE HAVE ANOTHER ONE
Marco
nice!! :)
Thomas
i really dont trust that smile
Ymir
okay @everyone else speedrun fun facts
Armin
i once saw eren eat a rock with rage
Marco
jesus christ
i keep plants
Jean
ok uhhh
i can make really good omelettes
Reiner
technically im an only child but i have a little cousin who i consider my sister
Mina
cute!!! whats her name?
Reiner
gabi
@ Bertholdt go
Bertholdt
why do you do this to me
uhm
i uh
i sleep weird
Jean
tf does that mean
Connie
no time SPEEDRUN SPEEDRUN
Eren
i ate a rock once
Ymir
armin already said that
Eren
dammit
i stabbed a guy when i was 9
Ymir
WHAT
Floch
NINE??????
Historia
HOW DOES YOUR MIND GO FROM EATING A ROCK TO THAT
Marlowe
HOW MANY PEOPLE HERE ARE CRIMINALS
dont answer that
Eren
chill it was self defense 🙄
some guys were trying to kidnap mikasa
Reiner
THEY WERE TRYING TO WHAT
Hitch
what the fuck
Mikasa
you took my fun fact
um
eren gave me my scarf
Marco
im so sorry that happened
Mikasa
its whatever
family bonding ig
Jean
armin how did you survive being friends with these two
Armin
barely
Connie
@ Annie GO GO GO
Bertholdt
you really have no self preservation
Connie
no sir!
Annie
whatever
i like boxing
Connie
okay were all besties now
Ymir
sure buddy
Connie
huh
what does that mean