Work Text:
Kylo Ren stared at himself in the floor-length mirror that hung on the wall of his quarters. His eyes were drawn to his chest and hips, searching for a hint of the soft curves beneath his clothes. The horizontal pleats and flared cut of his tunic accentuated his broad shoulders and implied the illusion, not the truth, of a narrow waist.
He turned to the side and inspected his profile, smiling with satisfaction at the how the bulk of his arms filled his sleeves and the straight line that led down his torso. The smile faded as he closed his eyes and recited the ancient words, unheard by another since the death of his grandfather and his master.
"Peace is a lie. There is only Passion.
Through Passion, I gain Strength.
Through Strength, I gain Power.
Through Power, I gain Victory.
Through Victory my chains are Broken.
The Force shall free me."
He lifted his helmet and lowered it over his head, keeping his eyes closed until he heard the click of it locking into place. With his face now hidden, he looked into the darkness that concealed his eyes and repeated, "The Force shall free me."
"I'll only be gone a week, two at most," Leia said as she stood in front of her bedroom mirror and adjusted her skirt, her hair arranged in an elaborate braided updo. "Your father should be back before then."
Breha let out a quiet breath and swung her feet over the edge of her parent's bed. Just because her father should be back before her mother didn't mean that he would . If past experience was any indication, her father wouldn't be home until many days after her mother's return, and her mother's trip would be closer to the two-week estimation, if it didn't exceed that.
"Why can't I come with you?" she asked, dragging out the syllables into a desperate whine. She kicked her bare feet in annoyance, enjoying the muted thud they made when they met the bed frame.
Leia's eyes met hers in the mirror as her fingers expertly fastened the metal backs onto her earrings. Her tone was neutral, but that didn't stop the words from piercing Breha's heart.
"It's not a vacation Breha, it's work."
Breha looked down at her fingers and picked at the skin around her nails. They were mostly healed since her mother returned from her most recent trip. She had even painted her nails sage green in an attempt to please her mother, and she had refrained from attacking the skin around her nails so as not to fleck the paint. Leia hadn't noticed her concession, or if she had she didn't mention it. As she dug the nail of her index finger into the cuticle of her thumb she felt the tell-tale prickle in her eyes. Breha squeezed her eyes shut. She was not going to cry.
"I still want to come with you."
Leia turned to face her daughter, an understanding smile on her lips. She walked over to her bed and sat beside her before lifting her hand to gently brush her long hair back from her face and tucking it behind her ear.
"When you're older, you'll wish you could stay home instead of traveling."
Breha resisted the urge to roll her eyes. All she wanted was to be with her parents. They were the ones that insisted on traveling constantly, leaving her alone with the nanny droid. She felt herself withdrawing, shuttering her emotions like windows.
Please don’t leave.
Breha felt the knot in her stomach uncoil as her mother ran her fingers through her hair. She felt warm and safe, swaddled in Leia’s love and attention. All of her mother’s responsibilities forgotten, her focus solely on her daughter.
Breha wished this moment could last forever, but she was never so lucky.
C-3PO's stilted words crackled through the intercom, "Senator Organa, your shuttle is here."
With a sigh, Leia stood up and gently mussed Breha’s hair before pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. Breha stared at the patterned rug at the foot of her parent's bed. Her eyes focused on a swirl of green as her mother walked across the room, before pausing and turning slightly to face her in the doorway.
"I'll be back soon, before you can miss me," Leia promised. She stood silently, waiting for Breha to reply.
Time passed - she was unsure how long - it could have been days, years, seconds. The only sound was the faint hum of the many electronics wired into the walls. Breha knew Leia was waiting for her to speak, but she kept her lips pressed together. She willed herself to feel nothing, her body numb.
Finally, she heard her mother's footsteps retreat down the hall, then the faint sound of the front door opening and closing as she left.
Once she was sure her mother was truly gone, she felt sadness flood her body. Her waist length hair tumbled over her left shoulder as her body shook with restrained sobs. Loneliness surged up inside her, wrapping its cold fingers around her neck. As she wallowed in her misery, the icy cold grip on her heart melted into hot liquid that bubbled up to the surface. Her skin was flushed pink and itchy, she wanted to claw at her arms and peel it off layer by layer. The lump in her throat slid down into her stomach and snared her insides, pulling them taut.
She was completely and utterly alone.
Why did they always leave? Why didn't they love her?
The words started as a chant inside her head, before graduating to a whisper as she exhaled.
Gradually, they got louder until she was screaming, her eyes clenched shut, her hands balled into fists at her side. The anger inside her threatened to spill out, she couldn't contain it. With a final shout she felt it overflow and wash over everything around her, bathing the room in red. As the roar of blood pounding in her ears subsided, she opened her eyes, chest heaving.
Staring back she saw her reflection split in two. The mirror was cracked, fissures trailing diagonally before diverging into splinters across her face. The left side of the mirror hung on the wall, but the bottom right corner had cleaved off and lay on the floor. She stared at the spiderweb pattern crisscrossing the glass, still hanging on its hook, her reflection unchanged. Wide doe eyes, wet with tears, her long raven hair cascading over her shoulder due to her refusal to braid it – much to her mother’s chagrin. Her cheeks were pink from exertion, and her lips red as she grimaced.
She was as beautiful as her mother, and she hated it.
Breha glanced down to the right, at the other half of the mirror that lay on the floor, propped up slightly against the wall. She could see her reflection here too, but because of the angle she looked like a stranger. Her long hair was pushed behind her right shoulder, giving the illusion of a shorter hairstyle that was popular among boys her age. The intense brown eyes that stared back at her still resembled her mother's, but they were those of an adult. There was no trace of the usual discomfort at seeing her reflection. The angle accentuated her jawline and made her look older, enhancing her resemblance to her father.
She had never wanted anything more.
She slipped off the bed and crawled to the chunk of glass, picking it up and cradling it in her hands. Her heart thudded in her chest as she examined her reflection up close.
A deep voice echoed in her head as she looked between the fractured girl on the wall and the unbreakable man in her hands.
That is who you are. This is who you will become.