Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kuro prefers silence. He always comes on the school's rooftop to find some peace, away from his situation at home, classes at school and his thoughts about what happened to his life less than a year ago. He likes feeling the breeze against his skin and flowing through his crimson and black hair, closing his eyes so he could just pretend everything is fine, his sister isn't suffering in silence, his father isn't always away from home, he wasn't being beaten up every day before and after school. He knows all those things aren't possible to avoid, but, if for a few moments he can forget about them, he will.

He just needs something to go in the right way. Anything.

“Hey hey! Kuro-san, are you alive?”

Fuckin' loud , he thinks, right before opening his jade green eyes. Above him there is a huge guy, smiling at him, with his same uniform and red tie. 

First year, then.

He's smiling and acting friendly, but, seeing at how overexcited he is, Kuro can’t help but think there is something else behind that bright smile. After all, no one but Chiaki talks to him due to his scary appearance and the rumors about him, so at the very least this person had the guts to start a conversation with him.

“Who would ya be?” he stands up and looks straight ahead of him, since they had similar heights. His eyes are green too, but it's a shade that reminds him more of the clean, calm sea on a sunny day, rather than grass or trees.

Not that it matters. He just wants to know who he's dealing with.

“You don't know?” he rests a hand on his heart, gripping his uniform, “I'm hurt.”

Dramatic and annoying. Great.

Kuro snorts, inadvertently lowering his voice. “Ya lil' rich boys think I give a shit 'bout tellin' ya apart?”

“Ouch!” he drops the hand he had around his shirt and turns serious, “but, well, can't blame you. Madara Mikejima.”

Madara lends a hand, but Kuro hesitates. He has to be careful when he's making friends here, given what kind of reputation this school still has more and more every single day. What's more, he's already heard that name, somewhere.

He goes through his head, desperately trying to remember any useful information about that guy, because in no way someone like him goes unnoticed in a place like this. Madara Mikejima… he's sure Chiaki talked about him, so there is just one option possible.

He holds his hand, calmly and carefully. “Yer in that Ryuseitai unit.”

It's all he talks about aside from those shows, it has to be it.

Madara's lips curl into a content, happy smile as he shakes Kuro's hand. “So you do know me!”

Bingo.

“Nah, I just know someone who likes ya,” he quickly changes the topic, maybe out of habit to avoid talking about himself to people he doesn't know. “Why're ya talkin' with someone like me anyway?”

He wants to know, if he has to be honest. Not many people approach him, and the few who do aren’t all that keen on getting to actually know him.

Madara smiles and gets closer, enough that Kuro has to take a step back. “I think you're interesting, Kiryu Kuro-san.”

Kuro stares at him for a few seconds before pushing him away from him, as if to reject his curiosity. He thinks it’s weird, that someone that has pretty much everything would want anything to do with him to that degree. What did he even do to get his attention? Unless he’s from some sort of gang, he wouldn’t even know him, since he barely talks to anyone in that school. In addition to that, he just hangs by himself most of the time, since no unit there seemed fit for someone like him.

He doesn’t say anything to make him go away, though. 

So, he just stares at him, unsure of what to say. To that, Madara just giggles, before smiling again, looking back at him. “Do you truly want me to gooo?” He uses that high-pitched, annoying as hell, bright voice Kuro is starting to hate, and slowly walks towards him again. The way he watches him is unsettling, like a wolf watching a prey, just waiting to pierce its teeth through its flesh. Not that Kuro isn’t used to it, he got that look numerous times in the past, but this time is slightly different. There isn’t a slice of malice or ill intents towards him, that guy just wanted to talk to him and know him better that badly.

“ Man, this school sure is weird, ” Kuro finds himself thinking, but he lets Madara get closer and closer, until he stops on his own a few centimeters away from him. It’s still creepy to be stared at this close, but this time it wasn’t on his face and, most importantly, not in the span of a few seconds.

“It's pretty obvious you're just acting as some asshole who hates people, but we both know that's not true.” Madara states, raising a hand slowly, clearly making it visible and moving to lay it on Kuro’s shoulder with the same manner anyone would use with a wild animal.

Kuro catches it mid-air, clenching his hand around his wrist. “Why the fuck are ya treatin’ me like some dangerous dog, huh?”

“Sorry!” He yells, probably from the pain. Kuro lets him go immediately, afraid he’d hurt him in the same way he used to hurt so many other innocent people before him. He promised he would be behaving, but some bad habits take some time to disappear. Despite that, Madara continues to apologize, not really minding his now red wrist. “I’m so sorry, Kuro-san!”

“Ain’t an animal,” he just pretends to ignore what just happened, simply because he feels that turning a new leaf isn’t as easy as people told him. He’s been beating people up for so long that it feels like a second nature now, and he hates himself for it. Most of all, though, he hates himself because his mother had to die to make him stop. He’ll never forgive himself for it.

Madara hums, taking back his attention to him. “You're a horrible actor, though,” he smiles again, taking back his hand and looking at him almost fondly, for some reason, “not like it's not a bad thing.”

Something about his voice is different, but Kuro can’t put his finger on it. It’s almost like he doesn’t care all that much that he can hurt him to that extent even when he’s not putting much attention on what he’s doing, and that is… odd, to say the least. Even for this school’s standards.

Kuro gently takes the hand he hurt, checking if he imagined his red skin around where he grabbed him, but it’s still there. He just doesn’t care. “Yer different from the other people here.”

“Am I?” He answers almost like they were playing with each other, without taking his eyes off of him, but in a much childlike way than before. Judging from the little he knows and sees in front of him, he’s just thrilled someone like Kuro took it far enough to hurt him. He’s big, tall, he can tolerate pain to some extent and he’s not afraid of someone using brute force on him. Most importantly, though, he sees all of this as a challenge, some sort of game he finally feels like he could lose.

He’s not a delinquent or he would have heard of him at some point, but he definitely took at least a couple of blows in the past. It’s something he can feel, just by judging at all the colors that surround him. He has something so… deep, dark red about him. It’s not a positive color at all, but he doesn’t see himself with positive colors either. Red and dark purple just aren’t all that bright to be considered good colors. The same thing goes for Madara’s– dark green and deep red– and he isn’t exactly thrilled about it.

“Ya stink of blood and dirt,” Kuro doesn’t let go of his hand, but he stares into those playful eyes of his, way too joyful to be truly expressing of the real person behind those pupils, “yer pretty strong too, I bet.”

As if he isn’t waiting for anything else, he swiftly turns his hand around Kuro’s, gripping his wrist, this time, just to let him know he can turn the tides at any moment, if he’s not focused enough. “Wanna have a little fight, Kuro-san?”

Kuro doesn’t even answer. He uses his other hand to press on the injured bit of the hand anchored to his wrist, effectively freeing himself from his grip, and kicks Madara away from him, enough to take a few steps forward to close their distance again. As a response, he gets a kick in the stomach, which causes him to fall back a couple of steps.

It hurt. A lot, to be honest.

That’s right, he’s strong and he can match up to his own strength without problems. Kuro finds himself smiling as he dodges a punch directed at his face, maybe because he missed fighting with someone that could compete with him in every way, or maybe only for the thrill that fighting gives him. He feels bad thinking about it, but nothing else gives him the adrenaline and utter satisfaction a good fistfight does.

Madara finally manages to pin him to the ground, face against the concrete, pushing him down with his own body. “Not backing down yet?”

“Ya talk too much,” Kuro manages to kick him on the side quickly enough to send him rolling down– not for too long, but it’s the time he needs to stand up again, and his momentary confusion helps him to punch him hard enough to form a bruise on his bottom lip. He feels guilty about it and he’s about to stop the fight, but Madara’s smile stops him. 

He’s having fun, bleeding lip or not.

Upon seeing that, realization strikes him right there and then. He’s like him. He acts like a friendly, nice guy, but he loves fighting as much as he does, especially with challenging opponents. Kuro smiles right back at him, just in time to block another blow. 

“Give up, Mikejima,” he calls by his name for the first time, just to demonstrate he has some sort of interest in him too now, “yer not gonna win.”

Madara tries to hurt him in some way, probably to get back at him for the broken lip, but all he can do is watch him dodge his attack or meet his hands and arms in some sort of block. It goes back and forth for a while, before Kuro takes his arm with a hand, kicks the lower part of his leg and presses on his back with his knee, keeping his hands well blocked behind him.

He looks at him, almost amused. “So?”

“Ah,” Madara huffs, “I yield, I yield! You're so strong, Kuro-san!”

Hearing those words is enough for Kuro to free him from the hold he’s keeping him in, standing up again and lending a helping hand to him too. Madara smiles and immediately takes it, only to hug him as soon as he’s standing. “I had so much fun! We should do it again sometime.” He closes his eyes too, laying almost completely on him.

On his part, Kuro feels like he has to shove him aside, but he did have fun as well, fighting with him. It was refreshing and challenging, and he feels like he now understands more who he is. He thought he was like one of those nice and mean rich kids that relied on their family’s money because, well, a good part of the students there are like that, but that’s not the truth, for him at least. He’s competitive, he likes fighting, he actually listens and answers to him, he doesn’t really care all that much about money.

He’s someone Kuro would like to hang out with.

“See ya tomorrow, then?” He turns towards him when he feels him getting up from his body, looking a little insecure. He isn’t that good at this, but he wants to see him again.

Madara warmly smiles at him, one of those calm smiles full of colors that could paint a beautiful sunset out of a completely white canvas. “Of course.”

---

The few weeks Kuro spent hanging out with Madara had been incredibly normal, they just sat and talked for a while, sometimes walking around the school or practicing fighting or running, something Kuro found Madara was incredibly good at. Not that he’s bad at something, as far as he’s concerned. He learns incredibly quickly, and often excels at whatever he wants to learn without trying more than two or three times.

He’s a prodigy, there’s no other way Kuro can call him.

Despite that and how much he enjoys spending time with him, though, he’s still one of the most annoying people on the entire planet. His voice is always loud, he's always moving back and forth, he doesn't know the concept of vital space and he always tries to get on Kuro's shoulders, for some reason.

“Kuro-san!”

When he hears him, it's too late. They're both on the ground in less than a second, only because Madara dashed and jumped on Kuro without him noticing. 

Luckily, neither of them was badly hurt from the impact on the concrete, but Madara refuses to move from where he's laying. Kuro can't see him from this position since he's facing the ground, but he's sure he's enjoying this, laughing and giggling at the situation.

“So yer crazy,” he huffs, after he realizes he can't move from where he is, “nice t'know.”

“Aww, I thought you could catch me.”

“Yer taller than me, how should I master that?”

Madara laughs again at that retort, maybe because that's what he was waiting for, maybe just for how much fun he's having. Either way, Kuro finds it annoying.

“Dunno,” Madara finally stands up, leaving space for Kuro to follow him. As soon as he's on his feet, though, he's met with the same pretty face invading his personal space. This time, he gently grabs his forearms, completely focusing on that one action.

It's weird, he won't lie, but he's still not uncomfortable. They've touched each other's bodies plenty of times already due to their fights, and that was an innocent touch.

Kuro watches Madara smile at him, one of those teasing smiles that precede an incredibly stupid comment about his body. “Use your stroooong arms like you always do to shove me into the ground, for example!”

Yeah. Exactly.

He just huffs a little annoyed, but he doesn't push him away. If he had to do that every single time, they wouldn't even meet in the first place. “Can't use my strong arms if someone falls on me all of a sudden.”

Madara uses a kind smile this time, before taking his hand and turning, pointing ahead of him. “Let's walk around!” He looks at Kuro again with the face of an excited child, and he can do nothing but let him lead the way.

They walk and talk about meaningless things, before Madara stops and falls on him by resting his hands over his shoulders and trusting him completely. This time, Kuro catches him and he doesn't even move much from where he stands, he just does enough to keep him standing.

“You're so warm today,” Madara mumbles behind his ear, hugging him closer. Kuro just lets him without many retorts or teasing about it. He understood very quickly how affectionate he is and how useless it is to try to push him away.  “You know, strong arms are good for hugs, too,” he adds, as the redhead just limits himself to hugging him back for now.

Not that he hates hugs, but there is something about Madara not letting him go that makes his stomach turn and ache. He doesn’t feel necessarily bad about it, he just knows they can’t stay like that all day, especially with the brunette being as famous as he is among students. “Are ya gonna stay there the whole day?” He lets out, softening his hold on the other’s back.

“I want you aaaaall for me today!” Madara yells, smiling and laughing at him, a few centimeters from his face. By now, Kuro doesn’t even mind how close to people he usually is whenever he expresses his emotions.

Still, it’s weird. He feels like he’s forcing his smiles and he’s being closer than usual, as if to search for someone to hold onto.

He wants to tell him he can trust him, even if they've known each other only for a month or so. He's already helping him by just being around, and he wants to help him too, if he's able to.

“Somethin' happened?” He ends up asking, not sure whether or not he could push himself into his life as abruptly as he wants to.

“Nothing!” he smiles brightly, but Kuro catches a glimpse of melancholy in his voice. It's covered by layers of lies and fake truths, but it was loud and clear to his ears.

He looks lonely. He always holds onto him like he has nowhere else to go, keeping conversations going, searching for him even when he's not waiting for anyone. It all makes him upset, just by thinking about how much Madara yearns for someone's company.

Or, maybe, just his.

Madara hugs him again, clinging on his jacket. “I just loooove your hugs!” He rests his cheek on his shoulder, a gesture so full of trust that Kuro wasn't too sure of what he should do.

In the end, he just hugs him back, but he makes sure to keep him close to him. He wants to let him know he's there if he needs someone, that he'll find time for him.

He feels Madara relax for a few seconds, maybe an indicator that it worked, that he only wanted some kind of support from someone because he isn't feeling too well.

Kuro is happy to give him that kind of affection. Weirdly, he already cares about him, partly because he's an interesting guy and partly because he's always looked out for him, in a sense, despite he isn't obligated to. It feels… nice, being cared for by someone that had no obligation to do that.

Madara giggles under his breath before taking a step back and just holding his hand again. This time it's a softer, kinder gesture, and Kuro doesn't mind it at all. He likes it, even.

“This is weird,” he blurts out, barely realizing what his brain was thinking.

As a response, Madara smiles without taking his eyes off of him, and starts to walk in the same direction as before, gently pulling him with him again. He doesn't say a word, and Kuro doesn't ask him anything, mainly because, at this point, he has to look at him.

His eyes are of a calm, yet cold, green with some light blue undertones, as if the ocean and the earth collapsed together and formed some kind of semi-solid liquid that danced right in front of him. Being the main focus of those eyes feels almost like he can't take his own off of him either.

They don't talk for a few more minutes, the only motion being Madara slightly slinging his and Kuro's arm left and right and continuing to walk towards something. Kuro doesn’t know what he wants to do, but he’s not afraid to find out either. At this point, he knows he can trust him, at least when activities are involved.

It was stupid of him to even think he could, in retrospect.

Before he realizes, his feet are off the ground and Madara is swinging his body in the air. He would try to rebel and push him away, but his arms are on his sides, too trapped by Madara's to move. He can't do anything but close his eyes, hoping it would be over soon, since his little problem with sudden and fast motion in the air.

As soon as he feels the ground again, he falls and holds his head with his hands, trying to breathe at a normal pace again. It's not the first time it happened, he dealt with it numerous times in the past, that's why he avoids vehicles.

“Kuro-san…” comes Madara's voice, slightly worried, “are you okay?”

“It's nothing.” Kuro shrugs it off, but the feeling of the other at his side stops him from standing up again. He has a hand on his shoulder and looks like he just hurt him permanently and irreparably. 

To that, he just huffs. “Don't make that face.”

Madara doesn't back down, and instead invades his personal space again. “I'm sorry! I didn't want you to hurt you.”

Kuro half smiles, relieved he cares as much as he does and he honestly admits it too, even if it's not his fault. “Don't worry. 'S just motion sickness and ya only wanted to play around. Don't apologize.” He reaches out a hand and puts it on his head, slightly brushing his hair. 

Madara doesn't reject it, but he looks at him with a confused glare. Still, he doesn't move, as he's still feeling guilty for what he's done. Eventually, he just comes closer and hugs him from a little above him, much more gently than before.

Resting against him and hugging him back isn't hard, and Kuro finds himself to ease into the gesture that holds so much more affection than he expected Madara to ever give him, especially after knowing him for a relatively short amount of time.

“I just wanted to hug you, actually.” Madara whispers, right before pushing away. He takes Kuro's hands and looks back at him, straight into his dark green eyes. “So, sorry,” he smiles, in a yet different way, more genuine and earnest.

He likes that smile. It's the first time he thinks about it, really, but his smiles always look… fake. Made up. A part of a mask he puts on around everyone. He hates to think about how much Madara hides from the world, even if he's such a kind, caring person.

“Smile like that more.”

He blurts it out, without thinking. Madara looks at him a bit puzzled from what he just said. “Like that?” he repeats, trying to understand what he means.

Kuro sighs, just now realizing he will have to explain what he means. There's nothing worse in the world, in his opinion. “Not your fake, bittersweet smile. Your honest one.”

To that, Madara falls silent.

He looks at him almost scared, almost as if he was just busted by someone else to steal a great treasure. To be completely honest, Kuro doesn't understand why he would look like that, sometimes. He points out something that looks obvious to him, and he just stops talking, even if he still has a lot to say.

Then, he'd start talking again, impressed with his intuitions, whatever that may mean.

“You're the first one asking me that, you know?” He smiles honestly again and talks with a more relaxed tone than before.

Madara looks at him, his gentle eyes completely focused on him, pushing him to smile too, even if he still doesn't understand why he's so happy to know how much he notices about him. 

He doesn't even know how he understands him, but he does. He's always been perceptive of everything happening around him, especially how and why people behave in a certain way. His mother said it was a gift that he had to use to help people. He somehow helped a few people, but he hurt so many others that the few good deeds he made didn't matter anymore.

Maybe, Madara could be someone he could help too. Maybe, he could wash away some of the blood stains by being his friend. He wants to be his friend already, anyway.

“'Cause I prefer seein' ya sad rather than fakin' to be all fine and dandy in front o'me.” He only says in the end, relaxing in the sitting position he's in.

Kuro notices Madara looking at him as he sits down next to him, but he doesn't say anything. He just turns, to find him smiling softly at him, his green eyes shining, weakly lit by the sunlight.

He huffs, closing his eyes as if he has to process that very simple request. “Okay,” he only breathes, before hugging Kuro again.

On his part, Kuro just hugs him back, even if he doesn't understand why it means so much to him. If it does, though, he's going to support him and be there for him, in some way. 

Those past few days come flashing in his mind as he tries to understand how he got so close with him. Sure thing, he's the first person that can match him on the physical side, but it's way more than that now. He wants to spend time with him, he wants to see him, he cares about his well-being. It's surprisingly easy to talk to him, solely because he's intelligent and gets what he's saying even if he doesn't explain himself properly, so he doesn't even worry about it. Even then, he doesn't act cocky about it and helps him too, whenever he's in need of someone to talk to.

He's just… a really good friend.

At the same time, though, Kuro often doesn't understand a great deal about him, even if he doesn't voice his perplexities.

“Ain'tcha an interesting person.” He says all of a sudden, without a care in the world about how Madara would react. He knows he thinks a lot, he has so many thoughts going around in his head, so he's never surprised when it looks like he's going off topic. 

Instead, he replies normally. “I get that a lot.”

Even if he laughs, his voice sounds like he's spitting words, almost like they're being dragged out of his mouth. 

Kuro hates even only hearing it. 

“Why did it sound sad?” He asks, maybe too violently, but Madara doesn't bat an eye. He doesn't even know if he's being secretive because he doesn't want to tell him or because he's hiding yet another part of himself.

Even then, Kuro understands. It's not difficult to figure out, but he's been thinking about it for a good while. It's not the first time Madara tries to hide from him, anyway.

“I think I get it,” he starts, as relaxed as ever, “yer a prodigy, right? Everyone puts ya on a pedestal and expects the best results from ya.” He looks at him and he smiles for the first time in a long while, soft and warm, just like he did when he was a child. “'m not gonna do that. I just think yer fun to hang out with, ya ain't scared o'me and yer nice to talk to. So, just be yerself.”

Madara goes as far as smiling again, to then reply with a soft, kind and grateful voice Kuro never heard him use. “Thank you, Kuro-san,” he only whispers, sitting back without invading his space.

Kuro huffs, getting up and lending him a hand to do the same. He gives him a look too, before sighing and turning his back on him, his hands preparing already in the right place. Madara only giggles, before excitedly jumping on his shoulders.

This time, Kuro catches him without moving much, but makes him hop once or twice to better adjust his hands. Both times Madara doesn't let go of his shoulders, and eventually laces his arms around them and rests his head on them.

Kuro lets him do whatever he wants without telling him off, like he often does.

He's clingy, he likes to hug people, he knows it. He doesn't have any problems giving him that kind of treatment, even if it's a bit annoying at times. Then again, he's used to it now.

“When do ya have practice?” he asks, casually walking around. Madara isn't that heavy, but maybe that's because he's abnormally strong. He's always liked fighting as a way to express himself, and he's not going to stop practicing any time soon, but the fact that he could use his strength to do more than just hurt and fight makes him think.

He could help people. Protect them, even.

Madara's laughter and giggling against his ear, sounds of sheer excitement only because he was carrying him around like that make him realize that he can bring happiness to people as himself, without the need to change who he is.

“Kuro-saaaaan,” Madara whines, brushing Kuro's cheek with his finger, “are you listening to me?”

Kuro gestures a negative answer with his head. “Sorry. Got lost in my thoughts.”

“I said I don't have practice today.”

“So yer plan for today is just hang out on my shoulders?”

“Depends.” He rests his lips on his neck, probably searching for warmth. Kuro just hopes he doesn't feel how hot his skin became when he decided to do that. “You could talk about yourself.”

“I'm not the kinda guy who talks a lot,” he tries to finish it there, so he can focus on whatever is going on with his body right now. It feels like it's on fire, and he doesn't like it one bit.

It's not like he likes him, but that gesture feels so out of place he got way too embarrassed. Hence, his boiling skin and hoping Madara ignores it, or he'll never hear the end of it.

Luckily, his stomach makes a weird noise and Kuro whines immediately after, so Madara's attention is on something else entirely.

“Is that your stomach?” He asks, with a tone way too worried for Kuro's liking.

Maybe this isn't better than before at all.

"Maybe,” he tries to lie, but his insides turn in ways he couldn't stand for more than two seconds. “I haven't eaten today.” He says the truth in the end, only because he wants to help him and he's really, really hungry.

Madara smiles, before jumping off of his back. “I'll make you something, then.”

“Ya really don't hafta do that.”

“So you can die of hunger? Nuh-uh, I'll make you something.”

Kuro huffs, without enough energy to keep up with another argument. “Alright.”

He looks at him as he gets dragged around the school grounds, until they reach a stand selling takoyaki, with no one trying to sell them. Kuro raises his eyebrow at that, vividly hoping Madara wouldn't just steal them.

Madara just giggles, almost like he knows what he's thinking. “I'm not gonna steal anything, no worries.”

Maybe he looked at him a bit too judgemental.

As Madara goes and prepares what he needs to start cooking, he explains everything to Kuro, just to reassure him he isn't doing anything illegal. 

“This is a little job I accepted to help someone I know,” he says, already focused on cooking, “but count this as a gift from a friend.”

Kuro looks at him almost disgusted, only because he has to consider giving into his request. He's hungry and he's offering him food, he should just take it. Still, he feels like this is an unnecessary gesture to do for someone like him.

The fact that he called him ‘friend’ doesn't help either.

He wants them to be friends, obviously. Madara is someone he likes to hang out with, and it's easy to talk to him about pretty much anything. Even then, though, he doesn't know if being friends with him is the best outcome for him, especially when he has a target on his back.

Maybe they could be friends just on the school grounds for now. He can give himself that much, at least.

“Ya can cook well enough to sell them?” Kuro asks, getting closer to see what Madara is doing. It looks like he knows how to cook, but for some reason he didn't think he'd be able to, before he realizes who stands in front of him.

He's a prodigy. Of fuckin' course he can cook.

Madara smiles, proud of the focused gaze Kuro was giving him and the food he's preparing. “Impressed?”

“Slightly. Didn't know ya could cook.”

“I like cooking! Do you, Kuro-san?”

“Yeah, I always cook for my family.”

A small pause ensues between them, and Madara speaks up before Kuro could take that back. “And not for yourself?”

Kuro exhales and looks away, as if he has to avoid the question. It's not uncomfortable for him to answer, it's just hypocritical. He takes care of his family, without caring for himself. He knows that if he keeps it up, it could end in disaster.

Something could happen to him and his family would fall apart. His sister would suffer the consequences of his actions.

Even with that frightening thought, he avoids it. Sometimes he forgets, other times he doesn't have the strength to, or he simply doesn't think he can afford it.

“Well, that's fine!” Madara brightly smiles at him, for the hundredth time that day. He could honestly light up the dark with that smile, Kuro thinks. It's so bright and full of excitement, that he's without words every single time he sees it.

He almost wishes for it to never fade.

Something smelling way too good suddenly gets pushed under his nose, and Kuro is greeted by another bright smile. Madara lets him take the food, before softly and caringly ruffling his crimson red hair. “That's what I'm here for.”

Kuro almost melts under that gesture, it was something he hasn't experienced since he was a child, and it felt so affectionate and warm that he couldn't just ignore it. As a response, he just laces an arm around his waist, as if to thank him with a hug.

Madara giggles at that, and lets him sit on the ground, even if he's already eating his food.

It looks like he hasn't eaten in centuries. He devours everything on the plate, with a speed and avidity that were almost comical, but Madara imagined his situation was way more serious than anything else, given how willing he is to sacrifice his own health to think about his family.

He still doesn't know a thing about him, but he knows he went through a lot, he could see it in the way he approaches him and some topics. He avoids talking about mothers, for example. Something must have happened for him to be so dismissive about it, and it possibly can't be something good.

“You're not hungry, huh?” He teases, comfortably sitting next to him. Kuro immediately looks at him, as if to shut him up, but the traces of the food around his mouth only make him giggle.

Kuro doesn't even realize it, though, and starts talking with his mouth full, much to Madara's enjoyment. Despite that, he gestures to finish eating before answering, just to help him out to get the message out.

“I never said that,” he says, as soon as he finishes the food he has in his mouth, “I have to save as much money as I can to make sure my family doesn't end in the street. My old man does too much already.”

“So you gave up on eating?”

“I already use so much money for this stupid private school, I don't want to spend even more for other things.”

Madara can't help but gently rest a hand on his cheek, to which Kuro hisses immediately. He doesn't think it's because of the touch per se, but he doesn't ask, only out of kindness.

“Kuro-san…” he exhales, “it's food. You have to eat.” He turns to him, only to see him pout. He smiles and puts an arm around his shoulders, bringing him closer. “I can make you food for free whenever we meet, or take it from somewhere else.”

Kuro just huffs and turns his gaze away, muttering a tiny “I'm fine” before going on with his food, a little more impatiently this time.

“You can't keep this up,” Madara makes him look right in his eyes by forcefully turning his head towards him. Kuro stops eating, and just stares at him. His eyes seem to almost plead him to not listen to him, but he doesn’t say anything.

He hasn't known him for more than a month, but he can see he's a good person already. He just needs a little help to take care of himself more.

“Not even you can go much without food,” he breathes, almost afraid to be heard from someone else, “let me help you.” Kuro just grunts, shaking his head as violently as he could to let Madara go of his face and keep eating his food.

Madara, though, has always been a pretty stubborn individual.

“Kuro-san,” he repeats, “I just wanna know you eat food, at least.”

Kuro huffs, turning towards him again. He looks at him for a couple of seconds, trying to make the best decision for everyone. He needs to eat, he can give him food for free without spending money, and he can still save money for his family. “Alright,” he surrenders, “I eat anything, so don't be picky, make the faste-”

“No way!” Madara gets in his face again, shortening the distance between their eyes to barely centimeters. Still, Kuro just moves back slightly. 

“I'll take something that gives you what you need to survive. You move a lot, you really need something that gives you energy.”

“It’s not necessary.”

He smiles, and falls back on the ground, farther from him. “It's fine. Let me take care of it.”

Kuro pouts, not sure of his answer. He doesn’t like being babied by someone he doesn’t really know, but it would be a weight off of his back. Plus, he doesn’t dislike spending time with him.

“‘m all yers,” he huffed at the end, almost like he was ashamed of admitting it.

The only result he gets is Madara trying to hug him, but falling on him instead as his warm and loud laugh intoxicated the air. Maybe, he finds himself thinking for the first time, it won’t be so bad staying at this school.

---

Fuck’s sake , Kuro thinks, resting his arm against his eyes, laying under the sunlight. The last couple of weeks have been a challenge, way more than the rest of the time they’ve lived without a fourth person in the house. He’s the only one who can look after the house and his sister, but doing that before and after going to school is all too exhausting. What’s more, sometimes he has to turn in homework and he never has enough energy to focus on it, since he can only pay attention to it after he puts his sister and father to bed.

“To think I have to look after that old man now…” Kuro exhales, lowering his head in defeat. He knows he has to look after his family in general, but putting to bed a man in his forties while he babbles about his deceased wife isn’t as easy as it might sound. Add to it that he was tipsy after taking a couple of drinks after work with his colleagues and his sister was watching all of it, and the whole thing was so much harder.

He had to leave his father on the couch, put his sister to bed and calm her down, to then think about his father. He was babbling about his mother, Kuro himself and his sister, saying how sorry he was that he wasn’t able to protect them. He tried to reassure him, saying it didn’t matter, but, for the first time in a long while, he was glad he was home.

“I’m so sorry ‘bout what I put on your shoulders,” he said as soon as his back was laying against the bed, “you’ve always been a good son, takin’ care of me and your sister, your mother too… I’m sorry I can’t do what she did too.”

“Sleep,” Kuro decided to shush him, “ya need it, if we want to stay alive.”

His father was so out of the normal stern, serious individual he usually was, Kuro was weirded out by it at first. Still, he wasn’t done talking, apparently.

“We’re so lucky to have you, Kuro,” he said, reaching a hand to gently pat his head in a similar way he did when he was just a child. “You’re the one holding this family together, exactly like she did.”

Kuro remembers that he finished putting him to bed, said goodnight and then went into his room, thinking about those words. Is he really similar to his mother? Keeping the family together? Does his father actually think everything he said or was it the alcohol? He hates not knowing for sure what those words actually meant, and maybe it’s childish getting angry at him for something as inconsequential as that, but he needs to know. His life is going downhill and he needs to at least know if his father still gives a damn about him.

He wanted him to be there when she died, instead of running off to work and leaving him and his sister to suffer on their own, alone. He remembers his sister asking him where Dad was sometimes, he remembers her asking him if he hated them and that’s why he always left them alone, he remembers her waking up in a panic and coming to him in the middle of the night to check if their father was still alive. He’s always had to be the bigger person, he knows it, but he couldn’t help but put the blame on him.

It’s not his fault, he’s trying, he’s doing the best he can to give them a better life, but he can’t shake away those memories either. He hurt them. He still can’t forgive that.

Every time he thinks about it he gets so angry and let down that he can’t find it in him to forgive him, or even treat him like his mother would have wanted. “Your father might look difficult to deal with at first,” he remembers she said, “but, please, treat him with the same kindness you’re giving me. He’s a good man, and he loves you kids.”

He ended up making that last promise to her, so now he has to fulfill it. He’d never forgive himself if he wouldn’t be able to do something even as simple as that.

“Kuro-san,” the far too familiar voice and gentle touch on his shoulder brings him back to reality, out of his mind. “You look lost in your thoughts, did something happen?”

Looking up, all he sees is a slightly worried Madara, his face slightly lit by the sun. He looks even brighter and warmer and he can't help but look at him in confusion, if nothing for what he was thinking about until a second before.

He promised to take care of his family and he doesn't shy away from it, but what motivation did Madara have? Why did he even take care of only him?

He has to ask.

“Mikejima…” he ponders about what to say first, just to make it seem like he wasn’t thinking about it for several days before, “no, nothing happened. What’s up?”

“Your food for today,” he hands it to him, before sitting next to him. He has something to eat too this time, which is a relief. Kuro almost feared he didn't eat for him.

“Say, Mikejima,” Kuro starts eating, but leads on the conversation in the best way he can, “why are ya doin' this?”

Madara turns to him with confused eyes. “What do you mean?”

“Taking care of me specifically. There are other people who need it more than I do.”

“Honestly, Kuro-san… I don't know either. You just stood out, that's all.”

“Stood out?”

“How can I say this…” Madara gestures with his hands in the air, acting somewhat troubled by that clarification. He doesn’t look serious at all, it’s more like he’s… embarrassed? He’s shying away from explaining his reasons, but it’s not a sensitive topic. Not in a negative way, anyway. He’s just secretive about it.

He pouts, finally turning to him again after avoiding his stare. “You don't hate one faction or the other, you're on either side. You talk with both delinquents and hard-working idols. No one else does that.”

Kuro, that until that moment leaned over to him, maybe unconsciously, relaxes back to his spot. He knows about the conditions of their school, of course, where the grand majority of the people there weren't really doing anything and there were hotspots for delinquents that regular students that actually did something aren't thrilled about. Not to talk about how much those good for nothing gain from the disastrous state of the school to advance without doing nothing while the people that actually put in the work necessary for success are being slammed down.

Of course he hates it.

At the same time, though, he understands both of them. He was a delinquent, he knows what drove him to become one, but he also knows what is motivating him to never go back to that kind of life again.

“Y'know, delinquents are delinquents 'cause society failed them,” he tells him, “the school is rotting and they feel like no one is helping them, so they help themselves, but they go down with this fucked up system too, since they benefit from it.”

Madara rests a hand on his cheek, his elbow on his thigh, and he looks at him with a gentle smile. “Was it the case with you too?”

“More or less,” he huffs, uncertain whether or not he should tell him already about the real reason he became a delinquent. “I was angry at somethin' I couldn't do anythin' 'bout.”

His mother's illness.

He learned of it shortly after starting middle school, and he was so angry he couldn't materially help her that the usual ways of letting out anger weren't enough anymore. He started hurting people and, as bad as some of them were, he had no right to do it for a personal problem. He dragged his entire family in it too, way too much for their own good. Because of that, he made all of them suffer, especially his mother. It’s something he will never forgive himself for.

“Don't you like it?” Madara asked, pointing to the food in his hand. 

Kuro looked at it, just now noticing he still has it without having really eaten it more than a couple of bites. “Just forgot.” He apologizes quickly and starts to eat it again, almost eagerly. “I can't think, talk and eat at the same time, but ya cook real good food,” he explains further after he finishes munching that last bite, just to make sure he understands he still greatly appreciates him.

That genuinely happy and relaxed smile appears again on Madara’s face, and Kuro can’t help but smile too, even if weakly and looking away from him almost instantaneously. Under his nose, though, he finds a meat bun that is offered to him. To that, he just looks at him with a confused glare.

“Extra for today,” he explains, “don't worry, I made it for my job. I couldn't sell this one, so I brought it to you.”

“Thanks.” Kuro yawns, taking the bun in his hand without thinking about it too much. He truly doesn’t have the strength to say something to make him keep it, even if he doesn’t want him to give everything to him without taking anything for himself.

Madara must have noticed, because he scoots over to sit closer to him and wraps an arm around his shoulders, as if to give him the permission to lay on him. “You look tired today,” he observes, “more than usual, I mean.”

Of course he noticed. He always notices everything. It was stupid of him to think he wouldn't.

“I didn't sleep 'cause of school,” he huffs, not even thinking about lying to him. It wouldn't serve either of them. “I had to give in some paper, but I couldn't work on it until my lil' sis went to bed.”

As a response, Madara pushes him down, just enough that he'd find his head laying on his thighs. Kuro was about to yell something at him, but the gentle touches he received on his hair pretty much immediately after that rough move shut him up.

It's nice, he finds himself thinking.

It's warm too, like everything Madara does. It reminds him of when his mother used to do that to him, just as lovingly and affectionately as he's doing now.

Kuro closes his eyes and turns his head towards him, as if he could start sleeping there at any moment. He doesn't know why he's comfortable enough to get all his defenses down only around him, but he is. Maybe it's a good thing or maybe it will get back at him in the future, but for now he's glad to have someone like Madara in his life.

Then, he realizes it's the first time he thinks about his mother without feeling horrible.

He exhales, almost relieved with the hope that, maybe, one day he will be able to remember his mother without feeling guilty of her death. He feels his stomach clenching and turning and his heart starting to race, a sign that now he feels horrible for thinking too much about it. He immediately buries his face in Madara's stomach and he feels him giggle, before petting his hair again.

“I envy you, Kuro-san,” he starts talking, not really sure if he was still awake or not, “being able to take care of your family like you do… it's a gift!” He feels Kuro slightly get away from his spot, just to look at him, so he does the same. “Take care of yourself more, though. I can't always be there with you.”

“Thanks for that,” he sits up again, turning towards him again, “yer helpin' me so much, ya probably don't even realize it.”

He thinks about it.

He thinks about hugging him as thanks, but it seems such a little gesture for someone that has been helping him as much as Madara.

“You have to express the right kind of gratitude and love with the right gestures,” he remembers his mother saying once, right after he shook Shu's hand instead of hugging him like he wanted to. “If you're really grateful for what someone is doing for you, show it to them.”

That sentence stuck with him for a long while, and he didn't really understand what she meant by that, until now.

So, he sits up and kisses Madara on the cheek.

He watches as Madara snaps his head towards him and he can't help but giggle a bit at the sight. He's red everywhere and he doesn't even know what to say about it. Kuro didn't think he'd ever leave him speechless in the first place, so he saviours every single bit of it.

It is kind of hilarious.

“As thanks,” he manages to explain in between a couple of giggles. He turns serious again and looks at Madara, still with tints of pink and red on his nose and cheeks.

Cute , he thinks, before shooing away that same thought. Not the time.

“I mean it, though,” he says, weakly smiling at him. “I've never kissed anyone outside of my family, especially just to say thanks, yer just that special.”

Madara smiles after another second of confusion, and gets closer just to kiss him too, on the opposite cheek.

Kuro's face heats up a little, but he tries not to move too much so, if he was blushing, it wouldn't have been too obvious.

Not that it would have helped his case at this point.

“Thank you for being my friend too,” Madara whispers, before smiling at him again.

He smiles back, just because it's physically impossible to not smile back at him. Maybe he should start wondering why, but right now he's happy where he is, with that special person that makes him feel he can beat anything life throws at him.

---

“Don’t you ever think about how fleeting your life is?”

Kuro turns to look up to him from the floor he was laying against, with confused eyes. Sometimes Madara would just make the weirdest questions, but he'd tell him to forget about them immediately after, so he's surprised this time doesn't happen. He gives him time to take it back too, but all he hears is silence.

He sits up and tries to think about it, but nothing comes to mind.

“Have other things to think ‘bout,” he shrugs and hugs one leg with his arm, “ya think ‘bout that?”

Madara doesn't look at him, but stares at the horizon instead. “Sometimes.”

His voice looks sad, Kuro realizes, but he doesn't ask anything about it. Something tells him he has to wait for him to open up, before trying to get any sort of information about his personal life.

It's not like they've known each other for much, but spending almost all day in each other's company for over three months and a half helps him understand how much he can move around him.

Sometimes, it looks like he wants to get closer to him, but there are times where he treats him almost as a complete stranger, and Kuro still doesn't understand why. It irritates him, it feels like he's only around when he's in need to talk to someone and Kuro hates it.

He just wants him to be himself around him, and he doesn't even know why he's angry he isn't.

He doesn't know why he's furious whenever he acts like they just met and runs away from him. He doesn't know why he's mad whenever he forces a smile or a laugh. He doesn't know why he feels like shit when he looks sad like he does now, and it's driving him crazy.

He shouldn't care about him as much as he does, and he shouldn't be as happy as he is whenever he sees him laughing and saying the most annoying shit on the planet.

It doesn't make sense, unless…

A flick on his forehead makes him look up, only to find Madara crouching in front of him. “You looked lost in your thoughts.”

“I was thinking.”

“About?”

“Nothing much.”

Maybe I like you.

Kuro shakes his head, as if he wants that thought out of his head, but it results in pretty much the opposite and those few words start echoing inside his head.

He holds his head between his hands, trying to push away that thought. He truly doesn't need it right now.

“Hey…” Madara brushes a hand against his arm, carefully and lovingly, “did I say something wrong?”

Kuro's head snaps up, like some sort of knee-jerk reaction. “No!” He growls for the first time in a long while, and he lowers his head again, this time for the guilt.

“Sorry,” he breathes after a while, still refusing to look at him, “don't know what's goin' on.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Actually, can we set some rules for this whole… friendship we have?”

He uses that word with caution, since they never really talked about what they are, exactly. Kuro likes to think they're friends, at the very least, but he doesn't know what Madara sees him as. A toy, maybe. Something to pass the time with when he's bored.

He just hopes he won't throw him away.

“Why are you so unsure about it?” Madara kneels next to him then, still standing a bit above his head.

Kuro looks up with half lidded eyes, letting him move his hands between his shoulders and his cheeks. It was oddly comfortable being that close, even if he feels his body heat up all of a sudden. He's not blushing, but his presence makes him feel warm and safe.

He lets himself close his eyes for a second too long, taking in everything Madara is giving him. He's always so affectionate with him that it was difficult to believe he wanted to spend time with him, at the beginning.

It's not like they cared about each other then.

Now, though, he hopes he cares about him. He hopes he will stay with him. He hopes he will keep talking to him. He hopes he will still be there when he opens his eyes again.

“We're friends, Kuro-san! Say it proudly!” Madara yells, making him slam his eyes open. He's greeted with his giant, proud, warm smile, the one he grew to love so much.

He can't help but smile weakly too. “Thanks,” he breathes, “for sayin' it.”

Madara smiles again, before standing up and lending him a hand to get up as well. “Which are the rules?”

“Just one for now,” Kuro looks at him as soon as he's standing again, “heart on yer sleeve. Ya know I won’t judge ya.”

“I’ll agree if it goes both ways.”

“Sure thing.”

He sighs, and looks at him in the eye. Kuro braces himself, because nothing good for him ever came after that. “Why are you so devastated whenever you see me?”

Kuro closes his eyes and feels dizzy for a second, before he could reach out to hold Madara's shoulder. He notices there's something wrong, because he reaches out as well, keeping him steady.

After a few breaths, Kuro decides to open his eyes, but he never looks at Madara. “Ya remind me a lot of my mom,” he blurts out, as he clenches his hand around the fabric of Madara's jacket. “She was always happy, she talked all the time… Ya would have gotten along.”

Madara doesn't say anything, but, even then, Kuro starts shaking, ever so slightly, but enough for him to notice he needs to sit down.

A million apologies and thankful words flood Kuro's brain and he starts muttering some of them, only because Madara shouldn't deal with his own issues. Despite that, he never feels the hand on his arm leaving, and that's what makes him trip over the edge.

He starts crying.

He hasn't cried once all this time, but he starts crying right there, in front of Madara, shaking and begging for air in his lungs, tears burning on his skin and clenching his fists on Madara's uniform.

It's such a pitiful scene, Kuro wouldn't even blame Madara if he were to leave him.

Instead, he feels an arm around his shoulder, bringing him closer. “Kuro-san…” he whispers, as calmly as he can, “shh, it’s fine to cry.”

That just makes him cry louder and harder, his face completely buried in Madara's chest, his arms hugging him and keeping him as close as he possibly could, while he lets the kind touches around his hair calm him down. Those little gestures are enough to help him breathe normally again, along with the little shushes coming from his mouth.

He relaxes against him, closing his eyes, ready to fall asleep right then and there.

“Kuro-san, Kuro-san,” Madara calls, slightly shaking him with a hand on his shoulder, “you can’t fall asleep here.”

Kuro brushes his head left and right against his shirt, before he can sit back again, an annoyed whine coming out of his mouth as he does so. He sighs, still with his eyes closed, and feels as if an enormous weight was just pulled off his shoulders. He needed to cry, he realizes, and wonders why he didn't do it earlier.

Because I had to fill in for her , Kuro finds himself answering in his head, and she’d never cried in front of us.

His thoughts slow to a stop when his head is forcefully held up, a pair of hands on his cheeks keeping it in place. Kuro opens his eyes in a panic, but immediately relaxes when he sees Madara kindly smiling at him, gently brushing his thumbs just under his eyes to dry out his tears.

“Are you feeling better?” Madara asks, turning to fix his hair, which was messier than usual after crying like he did.

Kuro lets him, way too used to those little gestures already for his own liking. It’s not the first time they stand too close, or Madara treats him with kindness and care, or that he lets him do whatever he wants, either. The worst side to all this is that he likes it, and he knows all too well it’s not going to end decently for either of them.

Despite that and the overwhelming feeling that he doesn’t deserve anything as good as Madara, he can’t help himself but indulge in everything Madara wants to give him without asking for anything in return. Probably he likes him too, to some extent, but he doesn’t know how to act around him, given his situation at home and doesn’t want to put him in an inconvenient position.

He truly doesn’t deserve him.

“I promised myself I wouldn’t cry again,” Kuro lowers his head, praying Madara’s hands would follow him. They do, and he reluctantly keeps talking, only because he could feel tears ready to flow again at the sole thought of his mother. “I promised I’d be strong for my lil’ sis too, but-”

“It’s okay.” Madara doesn’t move him from that position, he just starts to draw little circles on his cheeks, in an attempt to calm him down. “You don’t have to carry the world on your shoulders. I’m here for you.”

Hearing such a soft, kind, reassuring voice while his mind is going off the rails, makes his mind replay every single memory he had of her, everything that happened after she was gone. His father working himself to exhaustion, his sister crying and pretending she wasn’t really dead, that she was still with them, himself not being able to get out of bed for days, before working all day every day for his family's well-being, risking to not pass the last year of middle school for how tired and busy he was every single day.

He’s always been on his own since then. He’s the one who filled her spot, for better or worse, and he knows he can’t dump it on anyone else. He’s not mad about it, he likes taking care of people, he’s always tried to since he was a kid, but that duty comes with the consequences of not being able to have a normal teenhood and he’s well aware of it.

Even then, even by knowing everything that comes with living in a single parent and poor family, he wants to have at least this. He wants to be friends with Madara and indulge in all the little touches and gestures and words he reserves for him. It’s only cruel, really, since he knows they won’t be able to be together. Even if he confessed, he’d just shut him down. There is no tangible future for them, maybe not even as friends.

Still, he’s never felt so accepted and loved by someone else that wasn’t part of his family, and not in the way Madara does.

“Shh, it’s fine,” his voice cuts through his thoughts again, and Kuro finally looks up. This time he had a calm and comforting smile, and kept the tiniest distance between them, just so he could catch his breath again. 

Kuro gently shakes his head, as if to give the sign to let go of him– something that Madara immediately understands and does, and inhales as much air as he can. His thoughts seem to dissipate faster and faster as he exhales slowly, calming down his heartbeat as well. Thinking about his mother still has that big of an effect on him and he couldn’t stand having those types of reactions in front of people that have nothing to do with it, but he’s still mourning. He can’t control his mind fully. Yet. He’s trying to, at least.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” he whispers, sliding to the edge of the roof and leaning back, on the iron railing behind him.

Madara does the same. “She won’t stop loving you for crying, Kuro-san.” He reassures him, before smiling brightly at him. “We’re still children, after all.”

Kuro squints his eyes and makes a sorrowful face at him, almost as if he feels guilty for the truth of his private life. He isn’t, he never did, he loves his family and would do anything to know they’re safe. All of it, though, comes at a price now that his mother is gone and they don’t have any real money to fall back on.

“I can’t afford it,” he just says, his voice almost breaking towards the end of that short sentence.

Madara doesn’t pay much attention to it. “Yes, you can, that’s why I’m here.” His face turns into something Kuro doesn’t think he’d ever see out of him. It’s almost angry, his eyes are void of whatever bright emotion they had a couple of seconds ago and his fists are so clenched his knuckles are turning white. It would be scary, if Kuro didn’t look like that every single day. All he takes from that is that he can get angry if there’s something upsetting him enough. The fact that it’s about him doesn’t help either of them, but it warms his heart, how much he cares about him.

He sighs in the end, and rests his head on Madara’s shoulder, as a way to calm him down. It weirdly works too, because he relaxes and rests his cheek on the top of his head. “You’re such a good person,” he says in a tone barely louder than a whisper, “and seeing how much you put yourself down is heartbreaking.”

Yer so fuckin’ stupid , Kuro finds himself thinking all of a sudden. He was so stupid to think Madara was playing around with him even now, after he went out of his way to get him food, know him, be the friend he thought he deserved. He’s the only other friend other than Chiaki who truly cares about him.

He’s the first friend who he can trust will never abandon him.

“‘preciate it,” he weakly laughs, “I mean it, yer the highlight of my day.”

Madara smiles, so warm and thankful that Kuro closes his eyes for a few seconds and takes in that moment, finally at ease enough to let himself be that close with him. Now he knows he won't do anything but what he thinks it's best for him, and it's more than enough.

Kuro exhales and yawns, visibly tired. “I’m exhausted now.”

“Just lay there and listen, then,” Madara smiles, “I’ll keep my voice down, so you can sleep too.”

He nods weakly, before he could feel a hand petting his hair. It's not his favourite thing in the world, but he likes it whenever Madara does it. He feels like he can relax if he's there.

“Well,” Madara exhales, “my mother doesn’t care that much ‘bout me. She usually sends me on missions to beat people up, been doing that ever since I can remember. She’s part of the Yakuza, so she’s not exactly a role model.”

Kuro pouts, pondering on what to say. He could sense there was something different about him, but he didn't imagine it was to this extent. Even then, he understands him. He has had to commit crimes, do bad things, hurt people. He won't leave him just because of that.

“Ya deserve better than that,” he looks at him without getting up from his shoulder, “yer so nice all the time, ya think ‘bout others, yer strong enough to be a good person in that environment… Yer really amazin’.”

Madara caresses his cheek with the back of his index finger, fondly and lovingly. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“You don’t even know how cute you are sometimes.”

“I think this is the first time someone calls me cute,” he tries to hide from him, burying his face in his neck, pouting the entire time. He doesn’t know how to feel about it, really. No one ever called him cute because of his aggressive appearance and low and raspy voice, so hearing it from Madara sounds… wrong. He isn’t uncomfortable, but a wave of feelings and the heat from Madara’s body are making him way too sleepy for him to stay awake any longer if someone didn’t talk to him.

So, he just changes the subject at hand. “Were ya sayin’ ‘bout yer mother?”

“Well, she sends me on all types of missions so I won’t cause trouble for her and her religious cult.” Madara explains, without furthering on the subject. Kuro blinks at the mention of cults, but he doesn’t ask about it. If he doesn’t add on to it at the beginning, then it means it must be because he doesn't want to talk about it.

Despite that, he's still worried about how deep he must be in it. If his parents are actively into this religious cult, then he has to be as well, whether he wants it or not.

Kuro personally doesn't think he's in a mess of those proportions on his free will. He's known Madara for a while and, even if he doesn't know him completely, he trusts his judgement. He's part of a unit based on heroes and his moral compass always points in all the right directions, a fact he believes every single day for how disposable and kind he is to him.

If that weren't true, then they wouldn't be talking in the first place.

Madara's smile turns into a sorrowful face, full of guilt and regret. “I feel like she sacrificed so much for me, but then she tells me I have no use for her when I'm just at home without carrying out missions for her.”

His voice is impregnated with sadness and wet with tears, and everything is black and red and purple, and Kuro can't stand seeing him so brought down and hearing him sound so beaten up from the person who's supposed to love him the most.

He clenches his fists, ready to go and punch something to just let it out, but Madara's hands around his own stop him from even thinking further.

Looking up, he only finds Madara smiling at him, almost acidly. ”She's not worth it, Kuro-san,” he whispers, warm and calm again, “believe me.”

“She still sounds horrible.”

“She wanted me to go abroad last week, but I asked her to stay here just for this year to be with you.”

To that, Kuro's head snaps towards him, with a puzzled look on his face. He knows what he means, he knows he likes him as much as he does, but a phrase like that was already more than that. Maybe it's about just their friendship, maybe about taking care of him, making sure he eats, but the phrasing was so unbelievably… romantic.

He still doesn't know if he thinks of him like that, but the fact that he doesn't mind being the one that phrase is directed at doesn't make him hope for another outcome either. Fucking stupid feelings.

“Don't risk yer life for me,” he says in the end, taking his hands just so they could both relax, nothing more and nothing less. He hopes.

Madara smiles and squeezes his hand, almost trying to reassure him “I’ll do a couple of extra trips out of the country next year, nothing serious.”

“I’ll miss ya.”

Kuro doesn't realize what he says right away. He just says it, and realizes after, once everything is already said and done. He hates his brain so much sometimes.

“I’ll call you, problem solved,” Madara smiles, somehow making what Kuro said sound way better. He's really glad he's here with him.

Although he wants to keep talking with him, his eyes keep closing and the heat from his body just ensures he could slip to sleep much easier. He yawns against Madara's neck, almost not noticing his hand over his shoulder in the meantime.

“‘kejima…” he whispers, “sorry I’m this tired.”

“Sleep, don’t worry ‘bout it.” He hugs him by pulling him closer from the shoulder his hand was on and leaves a kiss on his hair, only to make sure he knows it's really fine.

By then, Kuro was already half sleeping, but he whines at the unexpected touch, maybe unconsciously, but Madara smiles anyway. He leans to him, just enjoying the little moments like this they can make memories of.

---

Kuro opens his eyes in a place that isn't the roof. There isn't wind or stink of who knows what, but a nice smell of chocolate and everything around him is warmer and cozier. He turns around, noticing the cover on him and the couch he's resting on.

The cafeteria.

“Good morning!” Madara yells in his face after jumping in front of him.

As a result, Kuro whines and hides his face in his arms. “Tone it down…” he whispers, still unused to the light and sounds around him, especially loud ones.

He hears Madara giggle, before a hand gently starts petting his hair. At that point, after he felt it so many times, he knows that's his, so he just relaxes and tries to get his eyes more accustomed to the light. It's not as bright as he thought, but it does take him a good minute to adjust to it.

“Did ya carry me around?” he asks, slowly leaving his face alone so his eyes will get more and more used to that lighting.

Madara retreats his hand too and sits on the floor, Kuro's stare following all the way there. He's still on that couch, his hair is a mess and his hands are resting not too far from his face, relaxed and attentive. 

He smiles apologetically at that. “You don’t mind?”

“‘m too tired to care,” he huffs, right before yawning. He hides his face against the couch, trying to wear off the sleepiness. 

As soon as he raises his head, Madara rests his hand on Kuro's, slightly caressing it. “How are you feeling?”

The response he gets is that same hand turning and holding his, as a pair of green eyes focus on him again.

“Numb. Tired,” he smiles, carelessly and visibly for the first time, “happy yer still here.”

Madara smiles back, lowering his stare for a second before answering. “Wouldn’t leave you just like that.” His hand is more gentle too after those words, and Kuro can't help but smile to himself like an idiot.

He'd tell himself to shake it off, but he's tired and Madara is literally next to him, holding his hand, and he cares enough to carry him somewhere comfortable to sleep, all the while refusing to leave until he wakes up.

Looking at him from there, he could somehow see better the kind of person he is. He's kind and selfless, loving when he needs to and a normal teenager, the same as everyone else there.

People called him either a monster or treated him as a living legend, put him on the pedestal and expecting the impossible from him, but he's just what he looks like. A teenager that may have a crush on his friend and with a few hopes and dreams.

Same as all of them.

He feels his hand getting squeezed, and he looks at him, under a light he had yet to see. His face is relaxed as ever, his eyes are shining just by looking at their hands intertwined with each other. He's never seen him this vulnerable and open with him.

He wonders if he can tell him. Ask him, maybe, if he likes him or not. It's true they can't get together right now, but he wants to know if someone like Madara is truly interested in him more than their friendship.

Oh, fuck it.

“Ya like me, don’tcha?”

He blurts it out, making Madara snap his head, a little worried of what that may mean and of the consequences his answer will lead to. 

Instead of denying it, though, he just blushes a little and smiles at him. “Is it that obvious?” he asks, confirming what Kuro thought to be the case.

Sometimes, being impulsive and acting on a couple of feelings is a good thing, after all.

“Kinda,” he sighs and sits up, placing the cover on his lap. Madara sits next to him, and Kuro offers him a piece of the cloth he has in his hands, but he refuses, shaking his head.

Still, Kuro doesn't rest his hand, and waits for him to give up. With a sigh, Madara gently takes the cover, and lays it on his lap too, adjusting his body accordingly. 

In order to do that, though, he ends up almost pushing Kuro away, to which he responds with a laugh and rests his head on Madara's shoulder.

He doesn't even know how many times he's done that in the last two hours, but he just can't help it. It's easy, it's comfortable, it's warm and it's the only place he feels safe.

Safe from what, he doesn't know, but every time he's done that, he feels like a bright, warm feeling made its way through his stomach and made him feel like he could have this. He could lay quietly without worrying about anything else.

He knows Madara will take care of everything he can't think about.

All those responsibilities weren't a problem for him, really, but he can feel the weight he's carrying on his shoulders, and it's pushing him further and further into the ground. He is going to choose which one he can do, and he needs someone else to do the rest for him.

He can't ask his family, and his only other friend isn't capable of doing everything he needs him to do, so… Madara is the only option available.

You can't carry everything on your own.

Even just admitting it to himself was difficult. He's always been the one to take care of everything regarding Shu, his sister, his mother, now his father. Thinking that he couldn't do it anymore because he has himself to think about too now makes him feel useless.

Who is he to put himself first after all he's done? Who is he to ask Madara to take care of him because he's too tired to even think about it? Who is he to even think about his oh so complicated feelings for Madara when he has a family to take care of?

Who is he to not fulfill the promise he made to his mother? Or the one that his father asked him to keep?

No one.

Less than that, even.

He's a coward that is just now paying the price for his actions, and he fully intends on keeping his word. He will face what he did when he was a delinquent and when he was absent for his family.

His mother had to die for him to understand that, and he won't let it happen again.

There shouldn't be a 'next time I'll avoid it', he thinks, immediately closing his eyes in disgust, burying his face further into Madara's shoulder. He knows he must be acting weirdly, but thinking even for just a second about the last year or so makes him want to either yell at the sky or crawl in a ball and cry.

He's never done the second one with someone right there to sustain him, but there's a first time for everything. Madara looks like the only person he'd ever trust and care about enough to do it with.

A hand reaches out on his shoulders, keeping him close and still, but still soft enough to give him some extent of comfort, without feeling trapped or forced to stay there with him. He takes a deep breath and relaxes there, letting him take care of him once again.

He doesn't like to feel like a weight to other people, that's why he never wanted anyone to worry for him to that point. Madara, though, showed him it's not like that for him. He wants to take care of him because he genuinely worries and cares about him, and it's not a problem to rely on him.

He reminds him of his mother in that aspect too. 

“Kuro-san?” Madara tries to catch his attention as he always does, but his voice is much lower than usual. It's a little louder than a whisper, but too soft to be anything else.

“'m fine,” he answers, “just… don't leave.”

As he says it, his heart clenches, just because he makes a little request. It's selfish and stupid, he knows that, but he needs him to stay. If he goes away, he feels like he's going to start crying and yelling out of fear and frustration.

Everyone always left him. Shu, his mother, his father. He doesn't know if he can deal with Madara of all people leaving him too. He doesn't want it to happen, and he will do everything he can to prevent it.

Madara rests his lips on his hair, and Kuro freezes immediately. He doesn't know why, he's not afraid, but he still stops moving and breathing for a few seconds.

“Okay,” he whispers in the end, smiling big and bright.

Kuro looks at him for a couple of seconds, before hinting at a smile. It's so easy to just do that around him, he realizes. No matter how bad his life is, how much he struggles and fights to breathe above that layer of water that always tries to drown him, Madara is always there.

It's so frighteningly easy to talk to him about everything, to laugh with him, to tease him. To trust him.

“Yer the first person I properly told it to,” he says, looking at their interlocked hands. Madara is stroking the back of his hand with his thumb, and Kuro feels like he could just fall asleep there and rest forever.

Madara reaches out a hand, just to gently stroke his hair. He doesn't know if he did it as some sort of gesture of reassurance or not, but it soothes him even more. Kuro closes his eyes again, letting the rubbing on the back of his hand and the gentle caresses in his hair almost lull him to sleep.

Almost.

In fact, Madara's voice keeps him anchored to reality, without the need to fully fall asleep on him. “I'm honoured you think this highly of me, then.”

“It's not like that,” he sheepishly says, rubbing an eye with his free hand, “I just know I can trust ya.”

Over his shoulders, Madara's hand keeps him attached to him, and he whines when he feels his lips on his temple again. When he realizes what just happened, he peacefully smiles, resting his head back on his shoulder and freeing his hand, only to lightly grab his uniform near the other shoulder.

He doesn't care anymore. He doesn't think Madara ever cared either, by the way he's always acted with him. They kiss, hold hands and hug each other all the time, it doesn't make a difference if they end up together or not. They basically are anyway.

Still, Kuro doesn't want it to happen. He doesn't want Madara to get caught up in the mess that his life is. If he had a stable life, they'd probably be dating already right now.

Except he doesn't, so he's bound to hurt him, no matter what he does.

If he has to reject him to save him another thing to deal with for his sake, then he will. Even if it means he would give up on his own happiness.

“Kuro-san… can I tell you something?” Madara asks, breaking the concentration in Kuro's mind.

Kuro raises his head and looks at him, without letting go of his jacket. It isn't a firm grip, but it still catches Madara's attention. He doesn't know if that's what he wants yet, but he needs to feel his presence. He needs to know he's still there with him, and that he's willing to stay.

As a response, Madara held that hand with his own, keeping it there and steady. Kuro looked at it with a puzzled expression on his face, unconsciously leaning against him again. He notices only when Madara is barely a couple of centimeters away from his face.

“I don't really want to leave,” Madara whispers, looking at their hands with a soft smile on his face. “Not just now… You make me feel good enough that I want to stay.”

He feels like he's going to explode.

His heart is pounding out of his chest, and the only thing he can think about is how much he wants that instant to last forever.

In that moment, his body moves almost on his own, getting closer to Madara's. His free hand turns his face towards him and, without giving him the time to understand what is about to happen, he just kisses him.

Madara kisses him back almost immediately, carefully resting a hand on his cheek too. It's gentle and full of love, like every gesture he reserved for him, every word they shared only between them, every moment he passed with him.

He kisses him again, quicker than the last one, and chuckles in between, just for how fast Madara kisses him back. He could do this forever.

Madara kisses him again, and again, and again, eager to get more out of him. Kuro laughs and reciprocates every single one, locking his arms around his shoulders. 

With every little kiss, Madara pushes him back, until he's laying on the couch and he's kissing him from above him. He suddenly kisses him between his neck and jaw, and he hears him laugh a little more.

No wonder, he likes it. He likes hearing Kuro laughing and chuckling, that's not news, but it's the first time he's the direct cause of it.

He loves it so much that he slides his hands below his shirt and tries to tickle him a little, and the reaction he gets is way louder than he could have ever imagined. His hands try to push away Madara's, without much success.

Kuro-san is so ticklish, he thinks, before raising his hands and finally getting caught by Kuro, clenching his hands around his wrists. He's still smiling, and Madara can't help but lean down to steal another kiss.

Madara caresses his cheek as he sits down again, leaving him free to move again. Kuro follows suit, and sits back up next to him, before curiously staring at him. 

“Yer smiling like an idiot,” he states, getting only a laugh as a response. He cracks a smile as well, gently holding his hand again. “I love hearing you laugh, though.”

He looks at their hands, kindly squeezing Kuro's. “Do you?”

“It's a storm of warm colors,” he explains, looking ahead of him, trying to put what he sees into words. He hinted at his way of seeing the world already, and used it a couple of times around Madara as well. He perceives the world through colors, shades, hues, and he often can’t put them into words. Kuro told him that he learned the right words for some of them, but sometimes he can’t properly describe them for other people, so he just describes a situation that evokes the emotion he’s feeling or what he’s seeing.

It’s amazing, Madara has always thought so. Perceiving the reality around him through colors, a world where everything and everyone had a shade, and being able to describe it so well so other people could see it as well is something he doesn’t know if he’d be able to do.

Despite that, Kuro rarely talks without filters, for a reason he still doesn’t fully understand. Maybe he automatically translates what he means now, he must be used to people not understanding him, or maybe he just thinks he has to make himself clear with everyone.

He's used his language and expressed his unfiltered thoughts to Madara with no real problems on different occasions, though. For that, he's glad. He wants to know he can be himself around him.

“What does yellow mean?” Madara quietly asks, trying to not put pressure on Kuro.

He gestures with one hand, not really sure of what to respond. Madara wonders if anyone has ever asked him what his colors meant, and if he's the first one he opens up with something like this. “Just… yellow.” He turns and pouts at him, slightly embarrassed. “Don't laugh at me.”

Cute. He's so cute.

Madara giggles, before caressing his cheek with his free hand. “I'm not! But what does yellow mean?”

“It's a good color,” he exhales, trying to properly explain. “It means warmth and… a bunch of good stuff.”

Kuro looks away, almost unsure of what to say- or maybe of what he already said. Madara gives him a curious look, only because he’s never really seen him act shy, of all things.

Maybe he just doesn’t know him as much as he thinks he does.

Despite that, he doesn’t put pressure on his behavior. He may suspect why he acted like that, but even he doesn’t have the real truth in his hands unless he opens up to him. “It's fine if you can't explain it properly,” he smiles, “I just want to learn what you mean so I won't have to always ask you. How's blue?”

“Depends. Like every other color.”

“So I'll learn them with time?”

“Dunno. Maybe.”

Kuro shyly looks at him still, before laying his head on his shoulder again. He reaches out for his hand too, and quietly relaxes again, taking in everything Madara is giving him.

He's so warm and bright it felt like falling asleep bathed in the summer's sunlight.

Madara smiles, lovingly kissing his crimson hair. “I didn't think you liked me too,” he whispers, almost like he was apologizing for something he did.

Maybe because he didn't notice, Kuro thinks, but he thinks he's stupid either way. None of them is at fault for being afraid to lose what they had as friends.

Even if, he had to admit, that was stupid too.

“I didn't either,” Kuro answers, “guess I was just stupid.”

He finds himself a hand slapping his cheek, lightly, probably for the angle they were in. “You're not stupid. Stop saying that.”

Kuro raises his head and looks at him, almost surprised to see him that close. He kisses him on his cheek and takes his head with both of his hands, caressing his cheeks with his thumbs. “I really like ya. Yer the only one that makes me feel safe.”

It's almost a whisper, different from the usual tone he uses, even when he has to say something important to him. It's unsure, and Madara waits for the rest. It has to be something, because he's never been this abstract. It feels like he's pushing him away too, and he's never really done that.

“But I don't know if…” Kuro trails off momentarily, without completing his sentence before taking his hand with both of his, “and I don't wanna hurt ya.”

“But you like me, to some degree.”

“'Course I do.”

“Is it your family?”

“Partly,” Kuro nods, “I don't wanna get ya involved right now.”

Madara smiles, bright and radiant, “don't worry. As long as we still see each other, I'll be fine.”

Kuro feels his stomach turn and looks at the hand he was still holding, already full of scars from who knows what kind of encounters he had in his life. He doesn't want him to shoulder his problems too, but he doesn't want him to just say that he'll be okay when it isn't.

He knows it isn't, he can't give him what he needs right now, and he hates himself for it.

“I wish things weren't this complicated,” he breathes, half hoping he wouldn't hear it, but he knows it's useless. Madara's ears are, quite literally like the rest of the man, really fucking good.

He gets hugged by him immediately, so heavily and quickly that his head ends up on his thigh. He feels a hand rubbing up and down on his back and keeping him safe against his body, a few kisses on the top of his head, almost as if to give him some sort of reassurance.

Kuro's first instinct is to push him away, but he decides to relax instead, quietly resting his head on his thigh and letting him pet his hair. He could fall asleep right there, but he turns towards him, catching him with a relaxed smile on his face. It's cute, really, he believes it is, and he reaches out a hand to caress his cheek too. 

As a response, Madara gently grabs his wrist and kisses the palm of his hand. Kuro slightly giggles, just for how dramatically he decided to show that little affection towards him.

“Anyway,” he says, intertwining the fingers of their now jointed hands, “I'll wait for you to uncomplicate your situation! You're a master of needles and knots, right? You're soooo good at-”

“Say another word and I'll push ya off this damn couch.”

“Meanieee~” Madara pouts, before turning serious again. “But I do believe you'll find a way out. And if you want a hand, I'm always here.”

He nods and drags Madara's hand down, kissing the back of it. “I know.”

Madara playfully ruffles his hair again, as Kuro carefully grabs the hem of his uniform and drags him towards him. He catches his intentions, and he kisses him, soft and gentle, despite the weird position they're in.

“Thanks for everything yer doin',” Kuro whispers the second Madara's lips aren't on his own anymore. 

He gets a laugh as the only response. “What, kiss you?” A kiss on his lips, immediately reciprocated, “hug you?” One on his cheek, “listening to you?” A last one on his nose, that makes him giggle and rest his hand on Madara's cheeks. “I enjoy all of it! You should really stop kissing me back if you don't want to.”

“I want to, though,” Kuro gets up too, watching as Madara sits up again. He's still a little drowsy, so that sentence comes out as whiny and, in Madara's opinion, quite cute.

Kuro yawns, and Madara takes it as an opportunity to push him back on the couch, as playfully as he usually does, and looks at him from above. His hair is a mess as per usual, but he's peacefully smiling at him too, and he's not very well known for not having initiative.

As a result, he calmly climbs on him and kisses him again, staying there a little longer to give him a quick kiss on his neck. Kuro laughs and locks his arms around Madara's neck, resting there peacefully with his eyes closed.

“You're so cute when you're half asleep,” Madara states, trying to put an order to his rebellious hair with one hand.

Kuro avoids looking at him and whines before answering. “Shut up.”

Madara can't help but laugh about it, as silently as he can, while he still tries to get his hair to follow gravity. It doesn’t work, and Kuro knows it, but he enjoys seeing just how different his hands touch him now compared to when they first met three and a half months ago. They’re kind and careful, and everything they do, they do out of love and care. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get past how good it feels.

Of course, it wasn’t meant to last. It never did.

Kuro’s phone starts ringing, and all he does in response is groan. Unfortunately for him, Madara is already off of him in a few seconds and lends him a hand to sit back up, at least. He doesn’t take it, he just stares at him, letting the phone ring. He knows who it is, he knows he has to go to buy some groceries and pick up his sister, but he doesn’t want to give up on this just yet.

“Kuro-san…” Madara crouches next to him, his tone sweet and soft, maybe understanding the situation or maybe just thinking he’s still exhausted and sleepy, “answer the phone.”

He looks at him, searching for his hand with his own. “Don't wanna. I'm the happiest I've been in years right now.”

“Years?” Madara dares to ask, letting him play with his hand as much as he needs. He doesn’t really care, he even likes the way Kuro touches his skin. His hands are rough and full of signs of his days as a delinquent, but gentle at the same time. He loves getting touched by them.

“Yeah,” he exhales, “Mom's been ill for years, I had to do pretty much everything even before. Now's just harder 'cause I have to officially take her place. And there's one less working adult.”

Somehow, that doesn’t make it better. The knowledge that Kuro has been providing for his family that long and while a major change in his life was happening, makes his stomach turn in ways it never did before. “It isn’t fair” is all he can think about, but he does what he can to calm down and not give in to those feelings. He probably didn’t have a choice on the matter, and the last thing he wants is making him feel horrible for something he had no control over.

“Kuro-san,” he whispers in the end, “I want you to answer honestly. What was the last time you've been only thinking about yourself?”

It’s a question that’s been on his mind for a while. He knows how much he sacrifices for his family’s well-being– including refusing to be romantically involved with him in anything resembling a normal relationship, but he needs to know there was a time when he thought about himself.

Kuro shrugs, as if it was too long ago to even remember. “Dunno,” he looks at Madara’s hand, squeezing his own all of a sudden, “maybe six years ago. Primary school and all.”

Madara lowers his head and starts shaking it, slowing to a stop when he feels Kuro’s hand on the top of it, gently stroking his hair. “It’s fine, I can handle it. I’ve always had.” He states, almost to reassure him. He looks at him, before his phone rings again.

“Hafta go,” Kuro exhales, letting go of his hand and standing up again to leave and go to do what he had to. He gets on the floor, and leaves a soft and quick kiss on his cheek as a silent apology. “Sorry. See ya tomorrow.” He gets on his feet again and helps Madara to get up as well, before kissing him on his lips again. “Thanks for today,” he whispers, as soon as they part, to then leave in a hurry to do whatever he had to.

A pair of green eyes follow him until he disappears from sight and a relaxed smile appears on Madara’s face. For once, maybe, he can feel the happiness he’s always searched for himself with someone that truly understands him. He just hopes he won’t destroy everything again.