Chapter Text
Alex looked up from his unfinished translation at the sound of quick, light footsteps pittering down the hallway before coming to an abrupt stop.
“Sir!” the kid said, immediately drawing the attention of every single person in the room. Alex set down his quill and straightened in his seat, watching the poor messenger boy squirm in the doorway, red in the face and obviously unnerved by all the eyes on him. He was young, Alex thought. Probably not even fourteen yet.
It took another tense moment for his father to rip his eyes away from the correspondence in front of him and grace the boy with his full attention; his borderline annoyed expression softened at once when he saw the kid. It was a subtle shift, and Alex doubted anyone but him and perhaps John even picked up on it.
“Yes?” he prompted, not unkindly, and that shocked the boy out of his dumbstruck state.
“Um, Sir, your- your son is here,” he said. Pa nodded, unsurprised, and Alex had to focus very hard to keep his feet planted and not give in to the urge to bounce his knees in excitement.
He hadn’t seen Jack in- God, it had been so long, too long–his last visit had been shortly after their father had bullied Alex into joining his staff, and that had been… almost two years ago now. Christ.
Alex couldn’t wait to finally see his brother’s idiot face again.
“Very good,” his father said and glanced back at his papers, scribbling something down. “Please show him to his room and return to your duties. The boy can find his own way around.”
“Yes, Sir,” he responded immediately, gave a twitchy salute, and scuttled away.
Alex bit back a smile and met John’s gaze across the room. His husband scrunched his nose up at him and flashed a smile–alright, adorable–but directed his attention back to his work soon after.
He wasn’t surprised about that. John tried not to let it show, but he was nervous, and perhaps rightly so, considering their track record with Alex’s family members finding out about their relationship in the past.
Alex himself couldn’t say he was entirely at ease with the idea of telling his brother about them, but he would be damned to keep him in the dark. No, Jack deserved to know. Needed to know, even, because Alex did very much plan on spending the rest of his life with John, and he couldn’t keep his husband hidden away from his brother for the next forty-odd years.
Their fellow aides shrugged the disturbance off and were immersed in their own tasks within seconds of the messenger boy hurrying off, but Alex spent the next few minutes only half focused, glancing up from his translation and over to the door without meaning to.
It took long, agonising minutes for Jack to finally make his entrance.
He stepped into the room with a knock on the doorframe and a smile that made the corners of his eyes crinkle in the exact same way Ma’s did.
“Good morning,” he said, almost annoyingly chipper for how early in the morning it still was, and raised his hand in a vague salute to the entire room. Their eyes met briefly, and Alex rolled his eyes when Jack winked at him in lieu of a proper, more familiar greeting, which would have to wait until later.
Still, he had to bite back a smile, his fingers tapping a quick rhythm into the wood of his desk at the pure and unfiltered joy coursing through his veins.
It had been so long it seemed unreal.
Alex usually couldn’t afford to dwell on the lingering, creeping emptiness in his chest that came from missing someone important. A unique kind of hurt, created from loving a person–but in moments like this, he realised just how fiercely he’d longed to see his brother again.
Jack crossed the room without paying any heed to the many sets of eyes on him, and stopped by their father’s desk. Pa rose from his chair and returned Jack’s nondescript gaze impassively, not even a hint of an emotion visible in his expression.
“Mister Custis,” he said, and from the corner of his eye, Alex saw Tilghman and Meade exchange a confused glance. He shook his head to himself, silently amused.
“General Washington,” Jack responded with a slight incline of his head.
They stared for another moment or two, the air growing stale with the aides’ collective unease–before both of them broke character for good.
Jack beamed at their father, and Pa’s serious expression split into a small but genuine smile as he grabbed Jack by the shoulder and hauled him into a firm embrace.
Old habits died hard, Alex thought, oddly endeared.
“It’s good to see you, Jack,” Pa murmured and let Jack pull away with a hint of reluctance. His hands lingered, though, and he briefly cupped Jack’s jaw like he used to do when they were kids and Pa returned home from a deployment, gently gripping each of them by the chin with a mumble of let me look at you. “How was your journey?”
Jack’s grin became crooked, and he gave a playful shrug of his shoulders. “Well, I didn’t die, so I would say it was quite a success.”
“How delightful,” he said, heavy with sarcasm.
Alex glanced around the room and had to bite his tongue to stop himself from bursting out laughing at the utter confusion written all over his colleagues’ faces. Their family… could be a lot to people unused to their shenanigans.
Pa patted Jack’s shoulder and sat back down with a drawn out sigh that settled into a small smile when Jack hopped up to sit on the edge of the desk without a thought, as he had made a habit of doing back home in Pa’s study when they were growing up.
Their father heaved a fondly annoyed sigh and moved an inkwell out of the way.
Meanwhile, both Reed and Harrison looked like they were experiencing strong cramps in rather unpleasant areas.
Alex’s own smile slipped a little. One aspect he had forgotten about his brother’s visits was just how openly Jack could be their father’s son. He could hug him, tease him, annoy him, be familiar in a way Alex could never afford to be-
But that had been his own choice, he reminded himself. Pa would have had him legitimised thrice over already if Alex had just said the word; but he hadn’t, too afraid to live out his life stuck in his father’s shadow, and that was not Jack’s fault.
“So, how can I make myself useful?” Jack said.
Pa had already taken his quill back up, twirling it absentmindedly between his fingers as his eyes flitted over a page in front of him.
“Oh, I’m sure we’ll find plenty of things to keep you occupied,” he said, and, not even glancing up from his correspondence, went on, “Hamilton, if you would be so good as to find the young man something to do.”
Jack locked eyes with him from over his shoulder and wagged his eyebrows, and Alex had the sudden and inexplicable urge to throw something at him.
“Right away, Sir,” he responded and instead sorted through his own steadily growing pile of parchment to pull out some nice, mind-numbing lists for his darling brother to copy for the next few hours.
Jack leaned back in his chair with a sigh and shook out his aching hand.
The world outside the office windows grew dim with the approaching evening; they had worked all day with little breaks, and yet he somehow seemed to be the only one whose wrist was slowly but surely turning into jelly.
It was a matter of practice, he supposed. He would like to think that if he was used to writing all day, it also wouldn’t trouble him so.
Copying supply and request lists wasn’t especially challenging, but it sure became tedious after a few hours–he had no doubt that was the exact reason why his little brother had picked that specific task for him to do.
Incorrigible little rascal.
Jack rotated his twinging wrist and let his gaze drift around the room.
Several candles and lamps had been lit to counteract the retreating daylight. It gave the office an almost hazy quality, as if they were all working in a shared dream.
His eyes wandered over to Alex of their own accord, and he allowed himself a small smile as he watched his brother, certain no one was paying him any mind, anyway. Alex was zeroed in on the task at hand, lost in focus.
That had always been a talent of his. Focus. Determination.
It was still odd to see him like this even after all the time Jack had had to get used to this idea, Alex in a blue Continental Army coat, Alex with a green sash across his shoulder, making him easily recognisable as an aide de camp, Alex with bags under his eyes and a crease of stress or perhaps worry between his brows.
He didn’t think he would ever get used to that. His little brother, a soldier.
Just like their father.
A chair was pushed back with a quiet sound of wood scratching wood, and his attention snapped to the other side of the room at once.
One of the men had gotten up and was now approaching his father’s desk, a small stack of pages in hand. It took a few moments for the man’s name to return to him–Laurens. He’d met him before and thought him rather agreeable if he remembered correctly.
Jack watched Laurens lay the pages down on his father’s desk with a quiet Sir. They exchanged a few words in voices too low for him to understand, mindful of the men still at work around them, and Pa listened carefully, nodded his approval, looked upon the man with obvious fondness-
Huh. Fondness.
But Jack supposed that wasn’t too unusual. Despite his rough and weathered exterior, his father cared deep down. Always had.
It was to be expected that he would start caring about his aides, not as employees but as people, with how much time he spent with them.
Laurens said something that made Pa chuckle, and Jack jerked out of his contemplations.
“Back to work, son,” his father said with a shake of his head and an amused curl to his lips, and Laurens ventured back to his desk, smiling to himself.
Hm. He… seemed to really like him.
Well, he was part of the military family, after all, Jack reminded himself. Of course he liked him, Pa wouldn’t keep someone he couldn’t stand on his personal staff.
Jack sighed to himself and picked his quill back up.
Perhaps it was an odd thought to entertain, but a tiny, distant part of him wondered if his father liked and respected these men because they were ready to lay down their lives fighting to make their own nation, just as he himself was.
And sometimes… Jack wondered if his father thought him lacking because he was not.
Night had fallen at last, and Alex had wasted no time in grabbing his brother and dragging him off to the room he shared with John.
The very instant the door was closed and locked at their backs, Jack yanked him in and crushed him to his chest until Alex could hardly breathe, not that he cared very much about that. He returned the embrace with just as much ferocity, and they just stood there for a few long moments, clinging to each other.
“God, I missed your stupid face,” Jack said as he loosened his grip and let Alex take half a step backwards until they were face to face.
Alex huffed a laugh and slapped Jack’s shoulder, still too happy to see him to take any offence, or even to pretend to take offence.
“Right back at you,” he said and delighted in his brother’s low chuckle.
It didn’t take long for Jack to sober, though. He took him by the shoulders and looked him up and down, worry and something else he couldn’t place shining behind his eyes.
“Are they feeding you right?” he said, and Alex snorted.
“Rations are… well. Adequate, usually. We get by,” he replied, and Jack’s frown deepened. Alex went on before he could question it further, “So? How’s Nelly, how are the girls?”
The crinkle of his brow disappeared immediately, and a small but contagious smile conquered his features.
Asking about his family was a surefire way to get his mind off of literally anything else, but besides that, Alex was genuinely interested to hear how his sister-in-law and two nieces were doing. He so rarely got to see them these days.
“Oh, they’re doing beautifully,” he said with all the excitement Alex had missed for many months now. He steered them farther into the room, tired of standing by the door like they had no other place to be, and both of them rid themselves of their coats before sitting down in the chairs by the hearth. “Patsy started walking a couple months ago, and she’s gotten good at it, so now we’ve got two little whirlwinds to chase after–of course I’m doing most of the chasing as of now, because Nelly has to take it easy-”
Alex raised his brows, his mind immediately flying to one reason alone why Nelly would have to take it easy.
“Is she with child again?” he said, and Jack froze.
He blinked, gesturing uselessly. “Well-”
Alex leaned forward in his chair, bracing his elbows on his knees. “Again? Already?”
“There are exactly zero reasons for you to sound so incredulous right now-”
“Yeah, no, it’s just- goddamn, Jack, how many children do you need?” he said, flashing a grin that made Jack roll his eyes in a way that reminded him of Pa.
“Three is really not that many,” he said with a dismissive wave of his hand, and Alex snorted.
“Whatever you say. But. Congrats. You know I’m happy for you,” he said softly, and his brother returned his smile.
“Thank you, Alex.” He paused and tapped his foot once, pursing his lips in thought. “Don’t tell Pa, though.”
Alex couldn’t help it; he snorted, even if Jack looked a bit affronted. “What, are you trying to have a secret baby?”
“Obviously not,” he said with another impressive roll of his eyes. “I just don’t want him to know yet. You know he’s always on my ass about my finances, I don’t even want to imagine the lecture he would unleash if he knew we are having another child right now.”
Some of Alex’s good humour dissipated. “You’re not in trouble, though, are you? You’re doing well enough to support all five of you?”
Jack heaved a sigh and dropped his chin into his open palm. “Yeah, it’s- it’s going fine. I’m preparing to expand the plantation. It’s going well enough.” Another sigh that did nothing to settle Alex’s slight nerves. “But I didn’t come here to talk finances. How are you doing, Alex? It’s been forever, tell me what my favourite brother has been up to.”
Ah, yes. Favourite brother, as though Alex had any competition to begin with.
He hesitated, his lips parted.
This was the opening he had needed to bring up John and his own still rather recent marriage, but now that the moment had presented itself, his throat had become too tight for any words to make it past.
The same anxieties he had faced when he’d told their mother plagued him now, the nagging fear of ruining things between them, of Jack being disgusted or unsupportive-
Of losing the only sibling he had left.
God, he couldn’t do that again, not after Jemmy, after Patsy. He couldn’t cause their parents the heartbreak of a torn family, not after everything they’d already endured. Alex couldn’t even imagine what he would do if his older brother rejected his relationship, if he rejected him altogether.
What was there to do for him in that case?
Go cry to their father like a child?
He couldn’t even consider that possibility. Jack would understand, just how their parents did–more or less.
He had to.
Alex didn’t know what he would do if he didn’t.
He sucked in a deep, sudden breath and was unsurprised when his vision misted over on his next blink.
“Alex?” Jack watched him with obvious concern and straightened in his seat, letting his arm drop back down to the armrest. “Hey, what’s- are you alright?”
“Um,” he began, small and unsteady, and rubbed the back of his hand over his nose to disguise a sniffle. “I- I need you to promise that you won’t hate me, no matter what.”
God, what a childish demand to make. Promise you won’t be mad. Promise you won’t hate me. But he couldn’t help it, he needed to convince himself Jack would still be his brother even after he learned Alex was a sodomite, or else he would never be able to get the words off his tongue.
“What the fuck are you talking about? Of course I won’t hate you. Of course not, you’re my little brother, and nothing will ever change that. I promise.”
Alex opened his mouth, but still no words came out. The nausea hadn’t cleared away yet.
He bit his lip. “Pinky promise?”
Yes, he was childish. So what.
Jack huffed a fond if a bit tense laugh, the worry in his eyes softening. “Of course, Lexi.” The use of the old childhood nickname loosened the knot in the pit of his stomach, and his breath came a little easier. Jack raised his hand and offered him his outstretched little finger. “Pinky promise.”
He forced a small smile and reached out to hook their fingers together. Shook on it once.
Now it was legally binding in Alex’s book.
He took another deep breath as he folded his hands in his lap and forced his racing heart to calm.
“I’m married,” he blurted out before the tiny spark of courage died back down. “To a man.”
Jack stared back at him without a word, his eyes wide and his silence deafening.
Alex blew out a breath, itching to break the horrible silence, to get a reaction, any reaction, to know where they stood now.
“John. His name. John Laurens. You know him. He’s- I love him,” he rambled out, and Jack blinked. Cut his gaze away, stared at the ground for several inhumanly long seconds.
“Huh,” he said, and the silence returned.
“...huh?”
Jack raised a hand to rub at his brow, slow circular motions as if to alleviate a headache.
“Good God,” he breathed, and Alex would have been happy about getting more than huh, but he did not like the sound of this at all, and his stomach cramped so bad, sweat started beading on his brow.
His brother snapped his eyes back up to his face and gripped both his armrests so hard his knuckles turned white. “Does Pa know? God, he’s going to kill him.”
“I- what?” Alex said eloquently and wiped the back of his hand across his forehead, suddenly feeling way too warm.
“I’m almost certain Pa would kill a man for less, does- does Laurens know? About everything? You can’t just drop this on me, Alex, for the love of God, I need more information than this!”
“I- huh?” His initial dread and borderline panic were quickly being overtaken by candid confusion. What the actual fuck was even happening right now? “I, uh, yeah? I mean, both of them know? About everything? Pa did almost kill John once, but that’s in the past now. He gave John his blessing, even. He is- he’s very much aware. I am in fact wearing a wedding ring.” He raised his left hand and gestured meaningfully, his ring glinting in the orange light of the hearth. “I couldn’t have hidden that from Pa if I tried. Um. Ma knows, too, by the way.”
“Huh.”
Jack leaned back in his chair, eyes far away.
Alex opened his mouth, feeling yet again compelled to explain further, but Jack raised his hand and motioned for him to remain silent.
“That’s… a lot,” he said finally, fingers rubbing along his chin, eyes fixed to the ceiling beams.
“Yeah,” Alex agreed. He didn’t really know what else to say to that.
“So… everyone knows,” he said. Alex nodded. “And that guy loves you? He treats you well?”
A small smile stole onto his features. “He does.”
“Alright…” He shifted to sit on the edge of his chair, leaning towards him with his elbows planted on his knees and his hands linked between them. “I have a question.”
“Ask away,” he said, resisting the urge to make it into a question–this was just so bizarre, and Alex wasn’t quite sure how to handle it.
“Is this why you never went swimming with me and the lads back home after you hit puberty?”
“I beg your pardon?” Alex squeaked, shrinking back into his chair and sputtering from the sheer audacity, the nerve of that more than inappropriate question-
“Oh, my God, it is, isn’t it?” he said, a teasing grin curling his lips, eyes practically sparkling with mischief.
“No! It’s not-”
“Mhh, but I think it really is,” he cut in and straightened back up, crossing his arms over his chest, that goddamn infuriating grin not budging once. “That’s nothing to be ashamed of, trust me, I know how hard it is to resist certain urges-”
“Yeah, I’m sure you do, considering that you have your third child on the way in as many years!”
Jack blinked at him, his mouth half open, and Alex blinked back, only slightly horrified about what he had just insinuated about his brother.
They remained in pressing silence until-
Jack burst out laughing. His shoulders shook with a full belly-laugh, hearty and delighted–a sound Alex didn’t get to hear very often in general while at war.
He couldn’t help himself.
He joined in.
They sat there, giggling like fools, and just as one of them was about to calm down, the other set them off again, and the whole process started over.
When they finally managed to get themselves back under control, Alex’s belly ached from laughing so hard, his lungs strained for air, and there were tears pricking the corners of his eyes.
He hadn’t laughed like that in ages, and fuck, had that felt good.
“Hey, Alex,” Jack said, still flushed with merriment. “As long as you’re happy… I’m glad. Just promise me to be careful and look after yourself.”
His meaning was clear; don’t get caught. Alex sobered a bit, but he still felt warm and fuzzy all over.
“Oh, and you know I’m not huge on violence, but I will absolutely beat that guy up for you if you ever need me to.”
Alex snorted. He attempted to imagine Jack starting and winning a fistfight with John, and failed miserably. His brother was unfortunately no match for his husband, not even in an imaginary scenario.
“Thank you. I shall let you know if I ever require my wonderful husband, who I love very much, beat up,” he said, and Jack nodded his approval.
“Excellent.” He flashed an honest smile, and Alex returned it, the pitiful rest of his former nerves scuttling away. “Now, I think I still require some more information here. Please explain to me in detail what the fuck happened and how it happened.”
Oh, he could definitely do that, Alex thought and took a moment to make himself comfortable.
They would have to settle in for quite a tale.