I'm a Wreck (When I'm Without You)

The Palmetto State Foxes were having a movie night together. It was quite an unusual sight. Normally, after they played a game on Friday, the team would split into two halves. Andrew's lot would drive up to Columbia and the upperclassmen would hold their own party in Palmetto. But sometimes, like this Saturday, they would all stay in and celebrate together.

Because of the constant rain that week, the team had stayed inside and decided on a calm, almost small celebration. Most of them were still pretty winded from the game and everyone was in some form of a relaxed position on the couches. Even Andrew was splayed on one of the big armchairs and – to almost everyone's surprise – had Neil cuddled up to him. The striker was exhausted, practically dosing in the blond's arms. His head was laying against Andrew's shoulders, his naked feet tucked under the chair cushions and his arms crossed in front of him. When the other Foxes had first noticed their position only 10 minutes into the first movie, they had cooed at the obvious display of affection, and Allison – feeling brave – had even snapped a photo. Although, after receiving a stern glare from Andrew, they had redirected their attention back to the TV.

The goalkeeper didn't care much for the movies, though. Most of the time he only tagged along, because Neil liked them. Since the redhead had never had the opportunity before to enjoy things like movies or video games, the team had taken it upon themselves to introduce him to them. Andrew himself found most of them stupid and could think of many more enjoyable things to do than spend his Saturday evening squeezed into one small room with all of his teammates and watching various Disney movies.

But, if he was being honest, having Neil in his arms and being able to feel his steady heartbeat made Andrew's stomach flutter. Both of them had come a long way in the last year. Neil stopped running every time something was wrong and actually started working on his self-esteem. He still wouldn't talk to Betsy, but he was working on it himself and the Foxes were more than supportive. Andrew, too, had gotten better. He started allowing casual touches and slowly got more comfortable with affectionate words. Especially after noticing how Neil reacted to them, the blond had wanted to get better, now more than ever. And even though he never would admit it out loud, he was proud of how far both of them had come.

The redhead sighed in his sleep and snuggled closer to Andrew, which made the blond instantly tighten his hold on the young man. "Damn, it really won't stop pouring, huh?", muttered Matt loud enough for everyone to hear. Allison groaned. "I'm going to sink in with my high heels tomorrow, won't I? Everything will be muddy." Her complaint caught Kevin's attention. "But the court will stay dry, so practice still stands." "Shut up, Kevin!", snapped Aaron and took a long sip from his beer. Kevin looked like he wanted to start arguing, but Dan quickly smothered his face with a pillow. "We're watching a movie. Everyone be quiet."

After that, the team settled again and a comfortable silence hung over the common room. The only sounds one could hear were someone rustling through the popcorn bowl, the occasional noisy sip from a beer bottle, and the voices from the TV. Only a few minutes later though, the silence was broken by a rumble of loud thunder and the crack of lightning. The noise woke Neil, who instantly shot up from his slouched position and got a panicked look on his face, beginning to hyperventilate. The Foxes watched in shock, as the redhead's eyes seemed to frantically search for something in the room before a faraway look settled over them and he started to shake.

Andrew instantly was on high alert. He, too, sat up straight and tried to cut off all physical contact with the striker. "Junkie.", said the blond, watching Neil like a hawk, cataloging every twitch and micro-expression, while trying to get his attention. His hands were curled into tight fists at his side. "Hey, Neil.", tried Andrew again, but the striker was too deep in his panic, obviously caught in a flashback. Nicky, who was totally freaked out at the sight before him, spoke up: "Andrew! Do something! What is wrong with him?" It was Renee who answered. "Nicky, calm down. Let Andrew handle it." Her words would have been harsh, had she not spoken them in her typical serene voice.

At that point, even Andrew began to look somewhat nervous, irritated at getting ignored. In a last attempt to get Neil's attention, the blond grabbed the back of his neck and stated, with a newfound intensity: "Abram." That did it and with a desperate gasp for air, Neil's eyes snapped to Andrew's.

"You're in Palmetto. Your name is Neil Abram Josten. You're safe. We're safe. Everything's okay." Neil nodded at Andrew's words, tightening his grip on Andrew's sweater, taking a moment to make sure the other was alright. He was still shaking, but his breathing had calmed down a little. Then, shockingly loud in the silent room, echoed a desperate sob. Over Neil's face were suddenly streaming tears and his lithe body was trembling with the force of his sobs, the situation clearly having just caught up to him.

The Foxes hadn't ever seen Neil like that. So open and vulnerable, crying in front of other people. It made their hearts ache. The striker had endured so many terrible things and they didn't know how to help, how to make it better. And even though they knew Andrew wasn't the monster they had made him out to be, they still hadn't thought that he'd be a big help with Neil's flashbacks and panic attacks.

Not taking his eyes off of Neil, the blond placed a hand on the back of Neil's head and the swell of his back, after having received a small, short nod from the redhead. He whispered a quiet: "Shhh, Junkie. It's alright.", and tugged Neil into the curve of his body. The redhead's shoulders visibly relaxed and he sunk into the embrace. Neil's head was now nestled safely under Andrew's chin, his legs on both sides of Andrew's body making him ultimately sit on the blond's lap. Andrew continued to whisper sweet nothings into Neil's ear, while slowly stroking his back. He completely ignored the rest of the Foxes, who watched somewhat curious as the scene played before them. After a few minutes, Neil's sobs had stopped and only a few hiccups escaped every few seconds. The blond goalkeeper placed a loving kiss on the crown of Neil's hair.

"That. That is so sweet.", stated Allison and startled everyone else. "What the fuck!", answered Aaron with a disgusted sneer. "Oh, come on! You're only jealous. Plus, most of you owe me money, so pay up.", remarked Allison, facing all the Foxes. Andrew was somewhat relieved, that she didn't make a big deal out of Neil's flashback, but at the same time, he was annoyed about the attention and regretted leaving his knives in his drawer. If he could, he would take the striker and flee to their room, but the redhead had just calmed down, seemingly close to dosing off again and Andrew didn't want to disturb him.

He, himself, was exhausted. Even though he had his own fair share of panic attacks, witnessing Neil's always left him feeling scared and the blond hated it. He hated feeling weak and helpless, watching Neil struggle and not being able to take away his pain. A year ago, Andrew had violently denied having any type of feelings, but watching Neil now, pressed against his body, his long lashes touching his cheeks and his auburn curls falling onto his face, he can't deny any longer that he feels for Neil. Andrew wouldn't talk about the word love yet, because love was such a strong word and for people like Andrew, loving someone was a dangerous thing.

But Andrew liked Neil. He liked waking up beside the redhead, liked watching him train, liked relaxing with him in the dorms when the others were out. He liked the casual touches, liked the innocent kisses, liked sitting on a rooftop with Neil and sharing a cigarette, while just watching the other. And even though the blond hadn't ever wanted to settle with someone for the rest of his life, he found himself wishing for exactly that with Neil.

The Foxes were back to normal, chattering among themselves, bickering with each other. Although they were being louder than before, obviously trying to block out the sounds of the storm. Taking advantage of the fact that no one was – probably on purpose – paying attention to them, Andrew started whispering again.
"You scared them." "Only them?", murmured the striker back, with a tiny smirk on his lips. "Tch, don't try your luck, Junkie."
There was a small pause, where neither of them said something. "You helped. Knowing you were there, feeling you close, it made it better." "You're saying stupid things." "It's not stupid. I wouldn't have come this far without you. And I know you changed, too, for the better." "I really want to shut you up right now.", grumbled Andrew, burying his nose in Neil's hair. "Yeah? And how do you want to do that?", asked Neil in a teasing tone. Andrew huffed exasperatedly. "Yes or no, Junkie?" "Yes", came Neil's immediate answer.

For a moment, Andrew shuffled around, till he and Neil were sitting face to face again. The blond slowly placed his hands on Neil's cheeks and the redhead leaned into the touch. "Still yes?" "Still yes." With that confirmation, Andrew also leaned in and kissed Neil softly. At first, they weren't moving their lips, just basking in the closeness of each other, but then Neil let out an impatient whimper and, in a heartbeat, they were making out with each other, attacking their lips and completely forgetting their surroundings.

Neil's stomach was doing flips and a comfortable warmth spread through his body. Kissing Andrew always made him feel alive, made him feel like finally coming home. Instantly, Neil's hands found themselves buried in Andrew's hair. He wasn't tucking on them, not this time, but he always needed a distraction for them and after often not having had consent to touch somewhere else, it had become a habit to bury them in the thick blond hair.

"Hey! Get a room you two!", yelled Matt, clearly having to hold in his laughter, while Nicky whistled loudly. Immediately Andrew and Neil broke apart. The blond tightened his hold on Neil, not wanting him to turn around, not wanting the others to see Neil like only he was allowed to. Completely disheveled, with red, swollen-kissed lips and a dreamy look in his eyes. Instead of saying something, Andrew adjusted his grip on the striker and stood up, with Neil in his arms. Perplexed, Neil couldn't do anything else than just hold on. After having made two steps in the direction of the door, Matt spoke up again.

"Where are you going?" Andrew stopped, looking over his shoulder. "Getting a room, just like you said." Neil, having had a perfect view of the shocked faces the Foxes pulled, broke out into unfiltered laughter and didn't stop once, while Andrew finally stepped out of the room.