Chapter Text
With a gasp, Frodo cast himself to the ground.
Sam sat by him. To his surprise he felt tired but lighter, and his head seemed clear again. No more debates disturbed his mind, He knew all the arguments of despair and would not listen to them. His will was set, and only death would break it… the next day would be the day of doom, the day of final effort or disaster, the last step.
But would it come? The night seemed endless and timeless, minute after minute falling dead and adding up to no passing hour, bringing no change. Sam began to wonder if a second darkness had begun and no day would ever reappear. At last he groped for Frodo’s hand. It was cold and trembling. His master was shivering.
-J.R.R. Tolkien, ROTK, Mount Doom
“I didn’t ought to have left my blanket behind,” muttered Sam, and once more, took Frodo in his arms. He listened for a while to the rhythm of Frodo’s breath. It was quick and shallow, like the fraught movement of his eyes behind his eyelids. When he was trapped in these nightmares, there was nothing Sam could do.
Sam let out a frustrated sigh, and looked up the mountain. Its peak was obscured in black smoke- reek that would sting their lungs tomorrow. He looked to the western sky, searching for the hope of even one dim star- none would shine upon him this night, through the whorling smoke and shadow. Defeated, Sam turned once more to Frodo.
Here is my hope, Sam realized, his heart breaking for Frodo for the thousandth time. He brought a hand to Frodo’s face, and kissed his brow- and then his cheek-
Even covered in grime, and shadow knotted in his brow- even here, surrounded by fire, with not a hope left, Frodo was so beautiful.
Sam was too tired to hide from himself any longer. He was in love with Frodo. He could admit that now. He wanted to kiss him. He had wanted to kiss him since time out of mind, and he'd never stop wanting him.
Sam had thought he knew what beauty was. He’d grown up surrounded by beauty. But here, in his arms… was a beauty that endured. Sam wept, to think that it might finally be extinguished. And no one would know. No one would know what Frodo had done. The world would end in fire and shadow, and no one would know.
Sam had always wanted so much for Frodo. He had aways known Frodo had a destiny, just like his uncle Bilbo. And on this Quest, he had held on to a dream for them to pull through, and to see Frodo praised by all, in song and celebration. But there was no hope of that now.
I’m the only one here… I’m the only one who knows how wonderful he is. He pulled Frodo in against him, and held onto him tight.
I'm the only one left to love him.
Exhaustion and despair were finally coming down upon Sam, and he could feel himself tumble into an uneasy sleep. Tomorrow, they would meet their doom.
I want to be the one who loves him. There’s nothing left for me in this life- everything has fallen away- but I will love him. I will not stop loving him.
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