Work Text:
I am the very model of a teenage vampire slayer girl
I didn't want the job 'cause it plays havoc with my social whirl,
It's hard to have a boyfriend when you never know just who you'll fight -
Instead of watching movies, I patrol cemeteries at night.
I wish I had a normal life where all I had to worry 'bout
Was making sure that I was 'in', beyond a shadow of a doubt!
But slaying is my calling, and it's one thing I can do with ease...
And killing vamps and demons helps relieve aggressive tendencies.
Chorus:
Killing vamps and demons helps relieve aggressive tendencies!
Killing vamps and demons helps relieve aggressive tendencies!
Killing vamps and demons helps relieve aggressive tende-tendencies!
I'm very good at dealing with those evil, cursed, and even dead.
I've never cracked a book (although I've cracked one upon someone's head)
You'll find me in the library, a' practicing my 'slash and twirl'
I am the very model of a teenage vampire slayer girl.
Chorus:
We'll find her in the library, a' practicing her 'slash and twirl'
She is the very model of a teenage vampire slayer girl.
At Sunnydale High, I enjoy lots of visibility
Though now part of the 'dweebs', my reputation's got the best of me
I really didn't mean to burn the gym at my last school you know...
And beating up the jocks wasn't my fault, I thought I told you so.
I know our school is plagued with deaths and unexplained phenomena
But blame it on the Hellmouth - that's what Giles said has caused it all
Witches, vampires, werewolves, demons: lots of things I would not trust...
And if they're bad I'll stake 'em till there's nothing but a pile of dust
Chorus:
If they're bad she'll stake 'em till there's nothing but a pile of dust
If they're bad she'll stake 'em till there's nothing but a pile of dust
If they're bad she'll stake 'em till there's nothing but a pile of-pile of dust
I have a bag of nasty things to aid me in my slaying jaunts
I go out every night and try to catch the baddies in their haunts
My stylish clothes are wrecked, and my poor hair will no more hold a curl
I am the very model of a teenage vampire slayer girl
Chorus:
Her stylish clothes are wrecked, and her poor hair will no more hold a curl
She is the very model of a teenage vampire slayer girl
Though slaying is a dirty job, at least I know I'm not alone
I have a watcher, several friends, and Mom to wait for me at home
I used to have a vampire love, I slept with him, I have to tell
But when he lost his soul again; I staked and sent him straight to hell
But Giles has an evil past, with Ethan Raynes and now with Mom
My friends are fighting with each other, how can I remain so calm?
Things used to be just black and white but now the color gray abounds...
But I'll continue slaying vampires while I go upon my rounds
Chorus:
She'll continue slaying vampires while she goes upon her rounds
She'll continue slaying vampires while she goes upon her rounds
She'll continue slaying vampires while she goes upon her-'pon her rounds
I tried to run away but found that trouble seems to follow me
I couldn't get away from this if I had a lobotomy
But when I think of backing out I know I'm an ungrateful churl
I am the very model of a teenage vampire slayer girl
Chorus:
And when she thinks of backing out, she knows she's an ungrateful churl
She is the very model of a teenage vampire slayer girl