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Update: My (43f) husband (43m) of 25 years cheated on me with his best friend/rival and I don’t know what to do now
Concluded
REMINDER: This is a repost sub. I am not the OP, just thought her situation was unique. Also aliens? OMG 😱 😳
Originally posted to r/relationships by u/patientwife37
Update: My (43f) husband (43m) of 25 years cheated on me with his best friend/rival and I don’t know what to do now
This is my first post on here so I apologize for any mistakes. A friend told me I should post on here, and may be able to get some advice. Anyone who has been through something similar who wants to help me get though this because honestly I am so lost. Im not good with technology, but I will do my best.
Some background info:
I met my husband when we were 14 and it was love at first sight. I knew he was the one and immediately asked him to marry me, which he agreed but he ran off on his own adventures. I wanted for him to come back but he never did. So I took it upon myself to find him. After some misunderstandings and road bumps, we were married.
We settled down together and he was wonderful. He stopped running off on adventures and I thought everything would be perfect forever. Well life has a funny way of getting back at you for being happy. A lot happened and it turns out my husband is an alien from a warrior race. He spends all his time training or running off trying to fight strong opponents.
I have tried everything I can to get him to stay, but nothing ever works for long. I did get him to farm for a bit after he left me for 7 years alone to raise our youngest son Goten (15). I was devastated but eventually he came back home and even brought me one million Zinni.
But soon he ran off to train because Vegeta was training and “getting stronger without him”. Vegeta is also an alien of the same race as my husband. They have been rivals since my oldest (Gohan) was 4.
I knew they spent a lot of time training together, but Vegeta seemed like a model husband and father. I even once made a joke that he should be my husband instead.
Now to the issue.
Like I said, they have been training together a lot. They spend a lot of time together in general and have saved each other’s lives more than once.
I apologize if I’m awkward for this part, I think it should stay private but I think it is relevant to the story. Now we have only been intimate three times during our marriage, once during our honeymoon when I had to explain how everything works to him (we were both virgins, but he was more sheltered than me) and once for the conception of both our sons. He never seemed interested in more, never once initiated any kind of contact. After the years went by I stopped expecting or trying to initiate anything myself. And if we are being honest I was also fine that way.
Now no one is blaming me, but I can’t help but wonder if things would have been different. They both have given the same dumb excuse that they’re stronger than a human, blah blah, but I know for a fact Vegeta and Bulma, his wife and my friend who suggested I post here, got a long like rabbits so I just don’t know what to think.
Sometimes I wonder if my Goku will come crawling back to me once the honeymoon phase is over. When will Vegeta get tired of Goku leaving his clothes everywhere and making a mess?
If anything I wonder if he will try to back to me for my cooking. I know no one feeds him as well as I do. When he was gone for years at a time and I wondered when he would return I often felt guilty for being relieved I didn’t have to take care of him anymore. It’s a lot expected of me to cook and clean for him and my boys everyday. Don’t get me wrong, I do and I do it well, but I’m getting older. It’s hard to make a meal that would normally feed 30 people just for him to not come home because he’s off galavanting across the globe doing kami knows what.
Does Vegeta know that he snores and sprawls across the bed? That he’s allergic to chores? I wonder how they will handle all of this when reality sets in.
I hope they’re happy. I hope it was worth it. All the blood sweat and tears I sacrificed for the last several decades seems to mean NOTHING to him. My daddy raised me right, but I can’t help but hope for a chance to look him dead in the eyes and show him the same pain he has made me go through.
I was loyal to him. I waited every time he left and was always completely faithful. I am honestly just crushed. Any and all advice would be helpful.
[Update 1] 2 weeks later
It must be me. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t strong enough, interesting enough, whatever I am lacking I wish he would just tell me. He hadn’t come crawling back and it’s been months. Should I even bother waiting? I waited years for him before I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by a few months.
I don’t know what I did to deserve this. I cooked for him. Cleaned for him. Raised his boys, and this is what I get? I’m not sure why I’m posting this here. Nothing really happened, but I just can’t help but feel devastated every time I lay down in our bed to sleep.
I start breakfast in the morning and realize Ive made far too much for just me and Goten. Maybe I should try to find a new hobby. I’ve never been been a type of person who meditates, but there’s got to be something out there to help me occupy my time. I’m a grandmother for crying out loud. I can’t just lay around feeling sorry for myself all the time.
Thank you for reading this and all the comments people have left so far. Sorry I can’t reply to them all, but I do appreciate all the support and stories of people who have gone through similar things.
Just to clarify, yes I said my husband is an alien. He is known as a Saiyan.
The reason he was gone for 7 years was because he was dead. He came back to life and we thought everything would be fine.
I can answer more questions if needed but I don’t know how relevant to my situation your questions will be, but I understand your curiosity.
[Update 2] 6 months later
It’s been a little while, but a lot has happened and a few people have asked for updates so I figured why not. To the people saying this is fake, all I can say is I wish…
I took some time to myself. Tried a few hobbies. My friend Bulma tried to get me to try dating but the methods and etiquette have changed so much and it was a bit overwhelming.
The biggest thing that happened is I finally spoke with my ex husband (the divorce finally went through) and I saw how the two of them interacted together. It was like nothing I’ve ever seen before. It was intense being near them. I understand the struggle against their natural magnetism now, I had refused to believe it before.
Goku doesn’t run off anymore. He’s been a great dad to the boys and has even volunteered on more than one occasion to help me out with things around the house that I’m not able to fix myself easily.
At first I was confused and hurt. But eventually I realized no matter what I did, I would never have been enough. I’m not a super strong battle crazed Saiyan warrior.
When that occurred to me, I cried a little, but when I was done for the first time I felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders.
After that things got much easier between the two of us, and we just kind of clicked. I was never happy with him, and he was never happy with me. We were incompatible.
When I realized that, I started thinking of our entire marriage and realized, when we married he didn’t know what being a husband meant. We were not on the same page from day one.
So I am still a little sad. I wish things could have been different. Perhaps at least he could have not cheated on me. He did apologize about that. He seemed pretty genuine about that.
Anyway just wanted to give everyone a little update. Please feel free to offer me advice still, or I can continue to answer your questions. I still get private messages asking me if Goku I’d really an alien. He is, when we met he was born with a tail even if you can believe that!
Reminder: I am not the original OP.