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It started because his teacher was an ass, plain and simple. Steve hadn't planned anything, didn't think much further than being pissed off, because Mister Pierce, his chemistry teacher just kept doing it, even five weeks into term already. It wasn't his fault he was tiny for his age, but that didn't mean it was alright for his teacher to overlook him on purpose. And it couldn't be anything other than him being an ass, with Steves hand up in the air and his occasional "Me, Mister Pierce!"
But he was ignored, as always, even when he had the sinking suspicion that he was the only one even remotely knowing what the man was talking about. He was never given a chance to proof it.
He opened the book he had lend from the school on the page they were on right now and started to squibble furiously, because fuck it, he surely was the only one in his class that understood what Pierce was talking about and he could show them. If anyone ever bothered to look, that is, because no one really did and yeah, Steve already resigned himself to be the outsider until he hit his growth spurt, but that didn't mean he had to play dumb, too.
As he finished most of the page was written over, barring a tiny corner where he didn't have anything left to say, sporting the easiest solutions to the problems they were just going over, Steve making sure even the dumbest idiot in his class could understand it, just to show that he would be the better teacher.
He regretted it as soon as he finished. This was school property he just vandalized. He was a horrible person.
---
It was pure coincident that landed Steve with the same book the next class, but that didn't change the fact that he had to grin at the little letters and the tiny smiley face in the formerly blank corner.
Lifesaver!
The feeling of him and his efforts being appreciated - which didn't happen all that often, really - was pretty nice and even though the other didn't know who he was thanking, it didn't smother the warm fuzz in his belly.
So what, he thought. He wasn't hurting anyone, right? And if he could help someone that was otherwise struggling to understand the exercises no one could blame him for a little writing in a school book. Without even trying to answer Pierce, it would be fruitless anyway, he made to work on the next pages, making sure to explain it as simple as he could.
---
It went on like life always did over the next few weeks. Steve floated between the school and his home, not doing anything else other than taking a few walks through the neighbourhood, because there was only so much you could do without having friends without growing depressed. Most fun things were only fun when you could share them and the blond teen didn't want to dwell too long on the fact that he had no social contacts besides his mum. And, okay, maybe he could count his pen pal a little bit, too, because he still wrote with him, even if it was mostly equations and formulas and explanations on his part. It still got a little more personal every time he opened the book, which he looked for specificly by now, so no one else was able to read what they wrote in it. It wasn't exactly a hardship either, because he was always the first in the class room.
Saved me hours this weekend, pal! Best friend says thanks for getting enough into my head to make it to her birthday party on time.
Belated happy birthday from me, then.
Wow, six words directly to her and she loves you more than me, already, I can totally tell by her look. Stop that right now, I don't think my ego could take it to lose against a fucking book.
I'm a real boy, jerk! And thanks, now I feel like Pinocchio. And of course she's allowed to love me as much as she wants to. Now stop being a brat and read chapter three, it's going to help you with this problems.
And tell her I love her too.
So not cool, you don't even know her. She could be hideous with a hunchback and bushy eyebrows for all you know!
I, on the other hand, am devilishly handsome and you should really start to proclaim your undying love to me.
Yeah, helped a lot. Thanks, mate!
She doesn't need to be hot to be loved, dumbass. Everyones beautiful all on their own!
That was so sappy I don't even have words for it.
She forces me to inform you that she is, in fact, smoking hot and could, despite that, still kick my ass any time of the day. Which is terribly true, I'm afraid. She's a ninja.
Doesn't change the fact that she just has to find her own imaginary friend, I'm not sharing you!
I have the strong urge to repeat myself. I'm a real boy!
Tell yourself whatever you need, pal, but at the end of the day the halfblood prince is still just very much a figment of JKs imagination.
I'm not the halfblood prince either!
He sat in the library, still smiling a little from his last chemistry class - and that wasn't something he ever thought he would be able to say - as he worked through todays history homework, thinking from time to time about the book that sat in the cupboard of the classroom, waiting to be picked up by a boy that could make Harry Potter references. He'd say someone like that was definitely a keeper - not that he knew all that much about this business - what with all the flirting, if the other wasn't right to some extent - at the end of the day they were both nothing more than a few words in a book. Doesn't exactly stop him from getting attached, though.
Someone sat down at the desk he was occupying in an out of the way corner and it startled him enough to look up from his essay. It was a red haired girl with stoic features, but undeniably beautiful and the blonde even knew her name - Natasha Romanov. She was kind of famous after she beat up some bullies who were harrassing a few of the younger years. Steve always admired her, wishing he could do something like that. They were both equally tiny, it was just unfair that she could and Steve had to settle on words when a similiar situation arised.
"I heard you were good at chemistry. I need help. Our teacher is an asshole and doesn't manage to explain anything so that anyone understands it." she said without beating around the bush, already getting her notepad and working sheets out of her bag.
For a second he asked himself if she knew about his book and his pen pal, but then quickly reeled back, because everyone thought of him as a nerd, it wasn't that much of a mental leap to assume he was good at that particular subject. That doesn't make this situation any more real, he thought, because this in front of him was Natasha Romanov and the blonde wasn't sure of his own name for a second there.
"Can we start, then?" she asked calmly and shook Steve out of the little shock trance he fell in.
"Uhm - yeah - uh - sure." he stuttered quite unattractively, trying to calm himself down before the redhead could think of him as a bubbling fool. Way to go there, Rogers, he thought cynically.
And just like that it was a thing now to learn with Natasha in the library almost every day after school. He still wasn't sure how it came to that.
---
Got any kickass spells for me, princeling? Got this giant dickhead two rows in front of me I'd like to knock down a peg or two.
For the last time, I am not the halfblood prince.
And on the next page
Silly little muggle like you wouldn't appreciate my spellwork anyway.
The next time he opened the book the whole page around his words was drawn full of little hearts and he had to bite his hand to stop himself from giggling like a little girl. He was only half succesful.
---
James Buchanan "Just call me Bucky" Barnes, Natashas best friend, was loud and obnoxious and a force to be reckoned with. Whenever he joined them in the library they didn't get any work done until she pinned him with a look that clearly stated "another word and you're dead". It wasn't just the fact that he talked so much, or so loudly, or that the stories he told were always laced with so much swearing that Steves cheeks were colored a permanent pink. Even when he was silently working next to them he still got this presence that just demanded attention.
Or, of course, it could just be Steve. No one else seemed to so much as look at him the moment he shut his mouth. He had the feeling he was in serious trouble.
---
What's your name?
Not telling you!
And if I told you first?
Shut up, you still got work to do. Pages fifty seven to sixty one should explain everything you need to know.
---
It went on like life always did over the next few weeks, but there was now a serious difference to what his life normally looked like. He had friends. And yes, maybe that was something completely normal to most everyone, but Steve always was that sickly kid that had to stay home a lot, that missed too much social life to bother with and was just small enough to overlook completely. This sensation, having a set meeting place, always someone to talk to and Bucky - alright, maybe he should tone it down a little, because he never had to be overly subtle before and he needed to learn that as quickly as possible. But the point was, quiet clearly, that he was absolutely content with his life right now, hopeless crush on Bucky Barnes included and yes, that not-quiet-aknowledged-clearly-not-a-real-crush on his pen pal too. Not everything had to be perfect for the blonde to appreciate things as they were. He wasn't alone anymore and he relished every fluttering feeling he got every time Bucky so much as looked at him.
---
Christmas was celebrated with his mom and, for the first time ever, he needed to buy more than one gift because he met up with his friends just after family celebrations were over for everyone. And then came New Years, celebrated at Clints, Natashas boyfriend, with a few others Steve didn't know and if he wanted to kiss Bucky, instead of that drunk girl who threw herself at him - and really, who would have thought - than no one needed to know.
He missed his pen pal.
---
Missed you.
You too. Still determined not to tell me your name? Still have mistletoe lying around, I could give you a late christmas kiss.
You start to wear me down.
Good. Not much longer and I find you.
It didn't feel very proper as he shivered in anticipation. Right now it was all fun and games and he hoped it lasted a little longer. He didn't want it to stop, but that was a given the moment his mysterious friend learned who it was he was writing such things to. Steve just hoped it wouldn't be a complete disaster and at least he would have his friends then, wouldn't he?
---
Fuck yeah, got a B on my exam! You know, I would kiss you as a thank you.
Congratulations! It's good to hear that it pays off!
Don't think I don't know what you're doing, love.
---
We could have so much fun together.
Or you wouldn't want to speak to me ever again.
I'm halfway in love with you already, there is nothing you could do to change that. Not in a negative way.
I wouldn't be so sure.
Have a little faith in me, love. And what if I'm not the guy you want?
You'd always be the guy I want.
---
With his time spend in the company of Bucky, Natasha and Clint Steve didn't feel quite as pathetic about his fullblown crush on his pen pal. On the other hand, it didn't make him feel good either, seeing that his crush on Bucky wasn't getting smaller in any way. He was a terrible person.
---
He got sick again, something bigger as a cold this time. He wasn't that sick in over a year and had harbored the hope of getting better altogether, his bodies health catching up with his mind, but now he felt as if he got a years worth illness combined stuffed in three weeks hospital. His mom was the only one he wanted to see, making sure the hospital stuff knew not to let anyone else in. He didn't want to scare his newfound friends away.
Natasha found her way in a couple of times anyway, but she brought a card game and no judgement, so it was as alright as it could be. At least Bucky didn't see him now.
---
Bucky Barnes
Steve didn't know how long he stopped breathing after he read that, the first day back in school after his hospital stay, still feeling weak and shaky, but determined to power through this morning.
He told the teacher he wasn't feeling so well and left to go home.
---
Bucky. His pen pal was Bucky! Of course he had spent the last months tearing himself up about having a crush on two different people, only for them being one and the same.
But now he was absolutely sure that his mate wouldn't like him like that, wouldn't want to kiss him and hold him. Bucky never gave any indication he saw Steve as more than a friend.
He stayed home for the rest of the week.
---
"You know, he isn't an idiot."
Steve gave a little yelp of sursprise, wrapping the giant towel around himself like a shield. He just came out of the shower and Natasha must have used the time to climb through his window that he had left ajar to get the stench of sickness and brooding out of his room.
"You land yourself in hospital and his mysterious little private tutor isn't sending any more love letters. Maybe he's a little slow, but he's not completely dense. He just didn't want to push you in case you really didn't want him to know who you are." she said from atop his bed, regarding him with a cool look.
"And now you know who he is and you still don't write back. You even went so far as to leave the school and barricade yourself into your room, not answering any of our calls or texts. I never took you for a coward, Rogers."
He wanted to bristle in indignation, but before he could even start he deflated. He was a petty little coward, wasn't he? And he hadn't thought about it that way. Of course Bucky would know, it wasn't exactly rocket science now.
"You know who he is and go to this lenghts to avoid him. Take a guess at what he is thinking right about now?" She stood up and came to stand in front of him.
"You really deserve each other, you know? Both pig headed idiots. At the start I thought it would be funny to see how long you would need to figure out the truth. And I wanted to get to know you, of course, because Bucky is my best friend and I won't stand aside while he falls in love with someone who doesn't deserve him. But now it isn't funny anymore, because you are hurting him so much I can barely be in your presence without punching you. So you will get dressed and then we go to him and you'll repair what damage you did, understood?" He could only nod.
---
Buckys mother had let them in and, being Natasha, they didn't wait for further invitations as she just waltzed into the boys room.
"Fuck off, Romanov. Do I fucking look like I want company?" Steve flinched back a little, but the girl clawed her way into his arm and shoved him forward.
"Brought you a present. You're not leaving this room until you talk about how hot you are for each other and do something about it. I'll wait outside until it gets too loud. Don't think I won't know when you fuck up." With that she was out and the door closed. Steve stood in the middle of the room, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Bucky grunted from his spot on the floor, back leant against his bed, in the process of doing homework, even though it was more scratched out than anything on his papers.
"You can get out of the window. Just jump to the tree and climb down. Gotta run then, of course, before Tasha notices.", the dark haired murmured, not looking up. He was strung tight like a bowstring, shoulders tense and unmoving and his breath was carefully controlled. Steve hated to see him this uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry." he said the first thing that came to his mind, but that just seemed to make it worse, so he continued quickly. "I never thought about it this way around, until Natasha told me. I thought - I just thought if you found out it was me, you wouldn't - well, and we couldn't be friends anymore. I panicked. I didn't think it through, because of course you already knew, but I just - I needed to get out and then - then I was just a coward."
While he spoke his mind Bucky looked up slowly, a little disbelieving, but his stature relaxed a bit, giving Steve the courage to sit down next to him. They stayed in silence for a few moments.
"I thought the fact that it was me disgusted you so much that you couldn't stand even being in the same school as me." the dark haired spoke lowly and the other looked at him in shock. Buckys eyes were sunken in and had dark rings under them, his face turned into some mix of careful happiness and wary hope. It broke Steves heart a little and he never wanted to see his friend like that ever again.
"I'm sorry." he said again. "So, so sorry. I should have thought about it, but I was just so afraid and - oh god, I'm a dumbass."
That got a little grin in return.
"Yeah you are." he agreed and laughed as Steve shoved him. He sat back up and grabbed his friends face in his hands without preamble, kissing him softly before the other could change his mind again.
Steve didn't see that happening. Ever.