Chapter Text
Washington: (About the Meta) Oh great, looks like it took one of our cycles. So, what do we do?
…
Delta: The Meta is most likely dangerously low on power, and will attempt to augment its energy in some way.
Washington: Then we need to get to it fast. But where?
Church: …
Caboose: …
Church: We uh, we might know where it’s going.
Red vs. Blue – Reconstruction Chapter 7
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Wash wrinkled his nose within his helmet as he glanced around the clearing; quietly cursing the fact that whoever had designed their armor had neglected to actually equip it with an air filter that eliminated smells. Trying to ignore the whiff of burnt flesh that drifted down from the hilltop, Wash turned his attention back to Delta and the simulation soldiers.
“…so yeah, if The Meta really needs to recharge, it’ll probably head to Zanzibar. There’s a fucking huge generator there. “ Church said, “But even if we know where it’s going, it doesn’t change the fact we can’t follow it. Too bad dude, but you should cut your losses and just go home. I’d say it was nice knowing you but that’d be a lie.” dropping a careless shrug, Church made to turn and leave. Wash ignored him as he scanned the surroundings once more. The glint of metal caught his eye and he paused.
“Wait.”
It was the remaining Mongoose that Church had piloted into a tree when they had first arrived. Relatively undamaged, one of its wheels rotated slowly in the wind. Church stopped from where he had started to make his way to the road, following Wash’s eye line to the mistreated cycle. Wash could see as his mind slowly whirred to the same inevitable conclusion his had.
“…You have got to be fucking kidding me.” Church stated.
“In the given circumstances, Agent Washington’s suggestion is the most practical one.” Delta piped up from where he hovered over Caboose’s shoulder. “Although it is not the ideal solution, if we move quickly we should be able to reach The Meta before it fully augments it’s power.”
“I don’t care if it’s the greatest idea since auto-targeting, I’m not cuddling up to two grown men on a Mongoose!” Church spat as Caboose nodded solemnly along.
“I think Church is right, if want cuddle we should do it on a bed, not on a small fluffy animal. Unless the bed has animal sheets, then that is alright.”
“What, Caboose-!” Church threw his hands up into the air in an appeal to an obviously sick God, before bringing one palm down on his helmet in a ringing face palm.
“Look, I don’t even care. There is no way I am getting on that cycle. No way.”
*
“This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done, and you are dumb for convincing me, and I am dumb for agreeing and Caboose you are just plain dumb.”
“Just don’t let go.” Wash replied.
Straddling the cycle, Wash rested his hands on the handlebars as Church grudgingly got on behind him, Caboose happily hopping on after to perch precariously on the back of the Mongoose. Delta had retreated back to his chip to run various battle scenarios and calculations in relative peace – there had been an initial argument over who would drive, but it was quickly solved after Delta pointed out that Church had crashed the Mongoose the last time he drove. Church had quickly shut up after that.
Church’s arms around Wash’s waist were surprisingly heavy, and as Wash twisted the throttle they leapt forward to clutch him in a death grip. Wash let out a slight wheeze and the arms loosened a bit. Opting not to comment, Wash revved the motor and took off after The Meta.
They drove on quietly after that, all lost within their thoughts, or, in Cabooses case, the fact that he was actually hugging Church. It was all going seemingly well until Caboose broke the silence.
“Church.”
“Church.”
Church twitched and clung tighter to Wash, attempting to increase the distance between himself and Caboose. “What?” he ground out.
“Church, I do not think that mongeese are meant to carry people.”
“And what gave you that bright idea?” Church replied bitingly.
Caboose paused and considered the question. “Well, my Mom always told me that storks were the one that carried babies. But she never mentioned mongeese, so I think that maybe we should not be riding this mongeese. A mongeese is not even a bird.”
“…Caboose, when we get back to Blood Gulch there really is a book we should read together.”
Caboose sat up, excited, “Does it have pictures?” He clapped his hands together “I do not think– Church!” Caboose teetered on the edge of the Mongoose, flailed, and attempted to grab back onto Church.
“What?” Church turned to glare at Caboose, and started as Caboose’s hands hooked onto his chest plate.
“I think the mongeese’s angry!” Falling further back, Caboose started to pull Church down with him.
“Wait, what are you-? Let go of me!” Church tightened his panicked grip on Wash’s waist, one of his arms falling free in his twisted position to awkwardly claw at Wash.
“Hey! What are you two idiots doing– Whoa!” Wash jerked the handlebars as Church’s free hand slapped over his visor, blocking his vision. The Mongoose jack-knifed underneath the three soldiers as they attempted to stay on and in control.
“Let go of me!” Church attempted to forcibly kick Caboose off of himself, lower body slipping free of the cycle.
“Move your hand, I can’t –!“ Wash’s head was forcibly jerked to the side as Church attempted not to die, hand securely fastened over Wash’s helmet. The Mongoose jerked towards the side, heading towards the ravine.
“OHGODOHGOD!”
“FUCKFUCKFUCK!”
“SON OF A BIIIIIIIIITCH!”
*
Wash opened his eyes to the soft filtering of light from the canopy above; blinking slowly he attempted to remember how he got there.
Ow.
That was right, after that little… fiasco on the Mongoose, they had been gone sailing over the ridge. Wash had flung himself off to avoid being crushed by the Mongoose – hopefully the others had done the same.
Wash turned his head slightly to the side, where he saw Church partially embedded in a bush. Caboose and the Mongoose were nowhere in sight. Judging his injures to not be too bad, Wash carefully staggered upright and slowly made his way over to where Church lay painfully twisted in the shrubbery. As he got closer Church groaned and juddered, coming too.
“Don’t move.” Wash ordered as he dropped down beside Church, giving him a once over with his eyes. He didn’t look too bad off, but Wash couldn’t be too careful. Deploying York’s healing unit, Wash surreptitiously checked Church’s vitals on his monitor. He frowned and tapped at his visor, as it reported no signs. The fall must have screwed with the settings.
Wash hissed through his teeth as he felt his injuries start to heal, his eyes squeezing shut. He opened them again as he heard the rustle of leaves next to him as Church sat up. Either he wasn’t that badly injured, or he was stronger than he looked. He focused his eyes back on Church to see him just as he began to stand up and move out of the unit’s range. Wash surged forward and grabbed his hand and Church let out a startled oath as Wash sharply pulled him back down next to him.
“What part of ‘don’t move’ don’t you understand? You won’t fully heal if you move out the unit’s range, and I don’t want to waste anymore time than we have –nngh.”
Wash let out another hiss and curled forward as he felt one of his ribs start to knit back together. Breathe whistling through his grit teeth, he took a deep breath as he felt the bone settle. Opening his eyes, he saw Church gazing at him with faint concern. He realized he was still gripping Church’s hand.
“Hey, are you okay?”
Wash squeezed his eyes shut again as he felt the next rib start to heal, hand gripping Church’s tighter as he rode the wave of pain.
“Yeah, just… just give me a second.”
Final rib set, Wash took another deep breath and released Church’s hand, tentatively running a hand up his flank. Not that he needed to, the unit had done its job perfectly as it always did. As he reached over to stow the unit he paused and glanced at Church.
“How about you?” Wash asked.
Church started.
“Ah, I’m fine. Totally healed.” He tapped a fist against his chest and nodded towards Wash enthusiastically.
Wash stared back dubiously.
Church twisted his head to the side, casting around the clearing for a distraction.
“Hey, where’s Caboose?” He asked.
Wash shrugged and scanned the clearing again.
“I’m not sure, he wasn’t here when I –“
“I am here!” Caboose strode through the brush, Mongoose held aloft above his head. Wash stared slack jawed.
“Caboose! What happened to you?” Church didn’t seem as fazed as Wash did over Caboose’s alarming display of strength.
“Well, while we were falling I figured I had better save the mongoose, since obviously it was trying to prove that it was a bird. Which was silly because mongeese are obviously not birds.” Caboose set the cycle onto the ground. It was surprisingly undamaged. “But when we landed the mongoose decided to go on an adventure, and since you two were both sleeping and I didn’t want to disturb you, I just went and saved the mongeese by myself.”
Wash cautiously walked towards Caboose and the Mongoose, not even bothering to consider how exactly Caboose was so injury free and apparently able to carry a cycle around as if it was a cartoon of milk.
“Uh, good job Caboose.” Wash slung a leg over the body of the Mongoose while Caboose beamed down at him. Resting his hands against the handlebars he felt Church settled behind him, hands loosely placed on his hips.
“We better get going if we want to still stop The Meta.”
Feeling the Mongoose dip as Caboose jumped on Wash paused.
“And this time, don’t let go.”
And released the throttle.