Chapter Text
“Aww,” Hyunjin says, his smile is sickeningly kind and indulgent. Felix can’t help bristling. “You’re nesting.”
Felix leans out of the closet slightly, grabs the door and pulls it shut. The comforting blanket of darkness returns.
“Yah!” Hyunjin exclaims, scandalised. “That’s not very nice!”
Felix decides not to reply in hopes that Hyunjin will get the hint and leave him alone. The massive hint that is him hiding in the closet in the first place should have been enough, but when it comes to his nosy bandmates personal space is seldom respected.
Not that Felix has ever been good at that either. But he wishes for some space now.
Of course Hyunjin doesn’t get the hint, the closet door opens again, this time it’s only a crack and Hyunjin is kneeling so that they’re eye level. Felix whines before he can stop himself.
“Oh baby,” Hyunjin trills, he sneaks one of his hands into the closet and grasps blindly at Felix until he manages to wrap it around Felix’s ankle, an electric shock up over Felix’s body. It’s a simple touch but his head spins, his body feels oddly numb like he cut off circulation. “None of that, you’re okay.”
Felix is decidedly not okay. He wants Hyunjin gone out of his space and he wants the comfort of the closet to lull him to sleep until his body isn’t fucking with him anymore. He wants the fuzziness to go away and most of all he wants to come out of the closet and not have any of his problems anymore.
“Leave me alone,” he whines, uncaring about sounding polite and instead sounding like a little kid.
“No can do,” Hyunjin says, unaffected. “Everyone will be looking for you if you hide here for too long.”
“You found me,” Felix replies, squirming, trying to get Hyunjin to stop gripping his ankle but Hyunjin doesn’t budge. “You can go. Tell them to leave me alone too.”
Hyunjin squeezes his ankle once because of the light shining behind his head Felix can't exactly see his expression but he figures it’s smug.
“It’s late, Lixie,” Hyunjin says, still overly indulgent, Felix kind of wants to bite him. “Everyone in your dorm will be worried. You can’t just run off like that, you gotta go home now.”
Felix doesn’t want to go home. It’s all wrong, the dorm smells weird and there isn’t enough noise to make it feel like people are even there.
“I’m fine here, Jinnie,” Felix tells Hyunjin, trying and failing to hold onto a last semblance of control. He’s going to start crying soon, he can tell, and normally that wouldn’t be so bad because he doesn’t usually mind an audience but he feels like a raw nerve, he wants to keep these emotions for himself.
Hyunjin doesn’t get to reply, his phone starts ringing and he finally pulls back and releases Felix’s ankle to answer his phone. “It’s Minho-hyung,” Hyunjin says, picking up.
“Have you seen Yongbok? I went to check on the kids and he isn’t in his room.” Felix doesn’t even have to strain to hear Minho, that’s how loud he is. He sounds so annoyed and almost frantic both Felix and Hyunjin wince.
This doesn’t bode well for Felix. At all.
“Don’t tell him where I am,” Felix hisses, waving frantically to Hyunjin to get him to shut up, Hyunjin only shoots him a wicked grin.
“Yeah he’s right here,” he says, triumphantly and like he isn’t selling Felix out. Minho’s wrath is legendary so he really is.The urge to bite only grows stronger.
“And pray tell where is ‘right here’?” Minho repeats, sounding acidic even through the phone. Felix really wishes Hyunjin would have his back, just this once.
“Chan-hyung’s closet,” Hyunjin repeats, snickering. Felix can’t find the humour in this situation. It isn’t funny to him and there are hot tears prickling at the back of his eyes, threatening to spill and make even more of a fool out of him.
“I’ll be right over. Tell him I’m bringing the spoon,” Minho hisses, then he abruptly ends the call.
Felix closes the closet door.
“You should come out now,” Hyunjin says, he tries to open the closet again but Felix holds onto the screw on the inside of the door with all his might. His fingertips ache but he wants to see Minho even less than he does Hyunjin if only because of the threat to his well-being the former brings. “He’s bringing the spoon.”
“I don’t want the spoon!” Felix whines and then he clamps his mouth shut because he sounds ridiculous to his own ears.
“Lixie,” Hyunjin sighs, apparently he’s over being indulgent. If Minho wasn’t on the way Felix would have hope that he could get away with spending a night in the closet. And really, that’s all he wants; just one night. Chan wouldn’t even have to know. If luck is even a bit kind to Felix Chan will spend his whole night in the studio as he frequently does.
“C’mon out now, Lix,” Hyunjin coaxes through the door. “It’ll be better if you’re already out when hyung shows up. He might spare you.”
Fat chance. Minho is relentless and he never spares anyone if he’s already on his path of destruction. He’s like a sentient tank.
“I don’t want to come out,” Felix repeats, he’s running out of words fast and his mouth feels funny. “And I don’t want the spoon.”
Unfortunately Minho makes an entrance just then, Felix sounds ridiculous to him too.
“You should’ve thought about that before you disappeared on me.” Minho sounds stern and Felix wishes he could make himself disappear fully. His fingers are straining against the screw harder because he knows Minho won’t have a problem just pulling him from the closet by the ear. He will take the door of its hinges if it comes to it. “Now come out of there so I can whack you.”
“No!”
“Lee Yongbok, it’s almost 1 AM, you better come out of that closet this instant.”
Felix can’t see Minho’s face but he knows it’s serious now, he’s one hundred percent sure he’s going to get the spoon if he even puts one toe out.
“Hyung,” he whines, trying to appeal to Minho’s cold heart.
Minho does not care one bit, Felix’s hold on the door is weak and pathetic already but Minho doesn’t even try to spare his feelings and yanks the door open in one smooth motion.
He’s poised to yank Felix out too but something about the way Felix is wrapped up and covered stops him short.
“Hwang Hyunjin!” Minho scolds, which is unexpected but not unwelcome, Felix likes it better when Minho’s wrath isn’t directed at him. “You should’ve mentioned that he was nesting.” His tone changes into something more soft and sympathetic. Felix wants to bite him too.
“I’m not nesting!” Felix protests, from the depths of the closet, covered by a layer of Bang Chan’s hoodies and t-shirts. Hyunjin yelps, after Minho has dealt out one precise smack with the spoon. Which serves him right but makes Felix fear for himself.
“What are you doing then, Bbokie?” The nickname sets Felix at ease, even if just minimally. He can see Hyunjin is pouting and rubbing his upper arm still so he’s not foolish enough to think that Minho won’t use the spoon on him but Minho makes him feel safe.
“I’m taking a nap,” Felix declares, not caring about how childish he sounds. He still wants to be left alone and if it costs him his dignity that’s fine too. The light filtering into the closet burns his eyes and there is something in his chest that’s bursting to bubble up. He needs them to leave soon or else he’ll make a spectacle out of himself.
“Oh Bbokie,” Minho coos, gently. “You can’t nest in Chan-hyung’s closet. This is an alpha’s room, Yongbokkie. This isn’t the place for this, okay?” He reaches a hand into the closet and blindly finds Felix’s hip. He squeezes him lightly.
Perhaps it’s because Minho is an alpha too but his touch soothes Felix a little. It feels better than Hyunjin’s touch, which is mean and unfair. Tears shoot into his eyes.
“M’sorry, Hyunjinnie,” Felix hiccups, Minho squeezes again.
“Huh?” Hyunjin sounds like he’s highly amused.
“I wasn’t very nice,” Felix explains, or tries to, the hiccups don’t make it easy.
“I wouldn’t be either if someone came into my nest,” Hyunjin says, empathically and maybe even a little too enthusiastically. He sounds like murder for trespassing like that is appropriate. Even though he has no nesting experience. Not like Felix does. Yet.
“I’m not nesting!” Felix whines, trying to keep himself on track, he can’t have them thinking it’s that. He can’t. It’s too many implications and heavy feelings. And it’s too omega when he’s trying so hard not to be.
“Okay, okay,” Minho says, leaning into the closet. His scent was okay seconds ago but now it’s getting on everything, everywhere. Felix’s nose protests, his sense protests, his whole body feels like he’s going to melt or explode into tiny particles. Minho’s scent is usually calming, something that washes over Felix like a soothing blanket.
It’s so nice. But it’s not what Felix wants.
Felix scrambles backwards in a last ditch attempt at controlling the situation but Chan’s closet may be a black void but it isn’t endlessly deep, he knocks into the back with quite some force, it shakes around him.
“Hey, hey, Yongbok-ah,” Minho soothes, like Felix is a spooked pony. His voice has dropped in volume, there is nothing commanding about it anymore. And even though Felix is all the way in the back of the closet he can still see that Hyunjin isn’t smiling anymore.
He’s done it now, Felix thinks despondently, upset that he made things hard again. He had hoped the closet would help make him into less of a nuisance;stored away and out of the way. But clearly he’s not doing a good job.
“Yongbok,” Minho sighs, he sounds tired. Which makes sense, Felix feels worse suddenly, when he realises Minho’s already in his pyjamas, he’s wearing a cardigan over his silk shirt but he’s clearly ready for bed. And now he’s here, in Chan’s room, trying to lure Felix out of a closet instead of sleeping.
Felix whimpers in lieu of speaking. Which is another embarrassment entirely.
He wishes Chan’s hoodies would finally do their job and smother him. Something, anything to get him out of this embarrassing situation.
Hyunjin, of course, coos. Some of that earlier anger returns and Felix instantly regrets apologising at all. Minho takes care of it by pulling Hyunjin’s hair, Hyunjin yelps and casts Minho a betrayed glance.
“Cut it out, Jinnie,” he says but it’s perfunctory, he doesn’t sound like he actually disagrees with how openly endeared Hyunjin is. Felix fumes silently and tries to scramble backwards even more.
“Sorry, Felix,” Hyunjin says. Felix is long past that, he’s trying to curl up into a ball now. The hope that they will leave him here is practically gone but Felix will make it harder for them. To make a point.
“Please come out, Lixie,” Hyunjin pleads, gently. “It’s very late.”
Felix shakes his head, he’s got his hands tucked behind his knees, his ball-y-fication almost complete.
“Here look,” Minho says, practically babbling. The spoon clatters to the floor. “I’m even putting the spoon down.”
Felix is beyond caring about that now. Something inside of him is calling to him like the closet is a siren and he’s just some poor sailor, dying of scurvy and a lack of human touch. Whether Minho brought a spoon or a machete, Felix can’t muster even a little bit of a protest anymore.
His nose hurts and burns like he’s smelling melting rubber or burnt coffee and the hairs on his arms are standing up straight like he’s Spider-Man sensing danger. All he knows is that everything is wrong and Minho and Hyunjin need to leave.
But they won’t. Because they are good roommates and bandmates and friends and they don’t know what’s going on inside of Felix’s body. Or mind.
In a last ditch effort, Felix twists until his face is pressed against the cold wood of the closet. His movement knocks one of Chan’s hoodies loose and it falls, hanger and all, onto Felix’s head.
It’s a total relief.
Something about Chan’s scent, the familiarity or the comfort it brings calms Felix. Maybe it’s because it’s only one scent, Felix can really only smell Minho and Hyunjin if he strains now with the hoodie covering his nose.
Minho notices his newfound calm almost immediately. “Oh, Bbokie,” he coos, this time Felix doesn’t bristle because Minho sounds sincere. “What if you took some of hyung’s clothes with you? Would that work?”
If being left alone isn’t an option then taking Chan’s closet may be the way to go.
“Yeah,” Hyunjin says, reaching inside again. “Let’s do that, let’s take some sweaters from the void.” He finds Felix and strokes one hand down his back. Felix shivers but it’s pleasant now that he has Chan’s scent clouding his senses. It’s like an anaesthetic or a drug.
Minho gets to work and begins pulling things out and making a small pile.
Maybe it’s because they haven’t used the word nesting again or maybe it’s just how good Chan’s scent works to make Felix pliant but he doesn’t protest when Minho moves onto pulling him out. First Minho rolls Felix over and then he gently pulls him up by the shoulders until they both are able to grip him.
He’s out of the closet in no time, Chan’s hoodie is still draped over his head so he must be a sight. Pathetic, mostly. But neither Minho nor Hyunjin comment on it.
“Do you want me to carry you?” Minho asks, he’s unbearably gentle and so unlike himself that Felix wants to burst into tears again.
As tempting as a piggyback ride is Felix fears he will get too much of Minho’s scent again.
“No hyung,” he says, muffled by the hoodie.
“If you want to walk you have to move that a little bit,” Minho says, he sounds amused now and Felix can’t even begrudge it, the mental image he has of himself is hilarious, or would be if it was any other time. “You’ll knock into walls otherwise.”
He’s got a point, it’s not like he can smell with his eyes.
“That’s better,” Minho says, voice lilting.
Felix can’t say that he agrees, the light of the room, though dimmed, stings after the comforting darkness of the void.
“C’mon.”
Felix lets himself be manhandled onto his feet, happy to relinquish control, mainly because he wants to make sure that they know he isn’t pleased. At this point he’s got squatters rights over Chan’s closet, presentation or no presentation.
It’s not like Chan would mind. Felix knows how their leader is, he’s always happy to make space for any and all dongsaengs who come into his space, he’ll recognise Felix’s claim over his closet. Legally. Probably.
“I got you,” Minho says, gently steering Felix toward the vestibule. Still hazy, Felix only manages to nod. He wants to be in the closet. The next best thing is the hoodie but he’s already pressing it to his nose like he’s trying to shove it up into his skull to fill the empty space where his brain used to be.
Hyunjin trails after them holding Chan’s clothes and mercifully keeping quiet.
Felix didn’t notice Minho pick it up but Minho drops the spoon he brought on the island of the kitchen as they pass it.
“I didn’t really bring the spoon,” he explains, chuckling. “I just saw it here and thought it’d be funny.” It isn’t but Felix is too exhausted to point that out and Hyunjin is all too aware that he isn’t yet out of the line of fire, so he doesn’t either.
Their apartment is only one floor up, close enough that sometimes they can hear each other still. (Which is impressive and absolutely a testament to their neighbours’ patience since no one has complained yet). Minho takes Felix by the shoulders and carefully leads him into their place.
They pass their kitchen where Jeongin is sitting watching a video on his phone with headphones in. Briefly Felix hopes that Jeongin won’t notice but Hyunjin takes Jeongin’s obliviousness as an opportunity to try to spook him.
One of Chan’s shirts hits Jeongin’s back with perfect precision and then slowly slides off onto the floor. Now, any other day? A fine little moment. Felix doesn’t mind a bit of teasing between the members but seeing Chan’s tshirt on the sort of dirty (definitely occasionally mysteriously sticky) parquet sends his mind into a weird place. Jeongin barely flinches, which is the icing on the cake.
He whimpers. Again.
“Jinnie-ah,” Minho scolds, blindly pressing his hand over Chan’s hoodie to keep it over Felix’s nose. Felix isn’t quite sure if it helps at all but he’s grateful that he’s not being judged right now.
Jeongin poised to retaliate swivels around the chair, chopsticks raised like an actual weapon.
But when he sees Felix his mouth falls open in a perfectly shaped O.
“Lix-hyung?” he asks, honestly looking like Felix looks like he’s on his deathbed, he lowers his chopsticks.
“Sorry Felix,” Hyunjin says to Felix, to Jeongin he says, “he’s nesting.”
Felix’s problems are bigger now or else he would protest again. And he looks ridiculous already, whatever he’s going through, everyone thinking he’s nesting is probably a blessing.
“Ah,” Jeongin says, nodding like he understands even though he presented as an alpha half a minute ago and has taken to it like a fish to water.
Familiar envy spreads in Felix’s chest. He wants that too, instead he’s a mess. And Felix despises being a mess, he’s a virgo first and foremost and feeling out of control is the worst. And the whole omega thing is the most out of control he’s ever been.
He’s no longer a fan of surprises.
“Do you want a hug?” Jeongin offers, which is the first time anyone has offered one all evening. Usually, Felix would jump on the opportunity, especially since it’s Jeongin but the thought of being touched like that is horrible. Even Minho’s hands on his shoulders have started to feel like lead.
He shakes his head, the sleeves of Chan’s hoodie smack his ears.
“Oh it must be really bad then, huh?” Jeongin nods to himself, Felix thinks he looks like he’s taking mental notes. He’s running out of embarrassment fast, he’s approaching acceptance now but he’s not sure how he’ll feel when Jeongin brings this up in thesis format later.
“Yeah,” Hyunjin says, empathetically, for Felix.
Felix kind of wants to bite him again. At this point he should probably invest in a chew toy.
“Bed?” Minho asks, directs. It’s definitely an order even though it’s thinly veiled. That’s Minho-hyung talking, the one no one likes to mess with. Felix nods, despondent. This is his fate now, Minho’s at the wheel making the decisions because Felix’s hormones and overly sensitive nose have killed his last brain cell.
His room is cold and still smells like newly put together furniture. Hyunjin flicks on the light and then his room sparkles in all its bare glory.
“C’mon,” Minho says, nudging him to his unmade bed. He helps Felix under the covers, ever so careful not to jeopardise Felix’s makeshift textile smelling salt. When Felix is all tucked in, Hyunjin tentatively steps closer and dumps Chan’s other clothes on top of the Felix burrito.
Felix manages to make a noise of appreciation but that’s as much as he can muster right now. Minho helps arrange everything around Felix, like an actual nest but Felix doesn’t have it in him anymore to protest. Chan’s smell is helping and that’s all that matters to the beast inside of him.
“There you go, that’s better, right Yongbokkie?” Minho says, shrugging off his cardigan. “Will this help too?” He drapes it over Felix’s feet, far enough from Felix’s nose so that if it’s offensive he can just get rid of it.
In the emptiness of his room Minho’s scent isn’t oppressive anymore. In fact it’s honestly soothing. Hyunjin, ever attentive, follows suit; first he shrugs off his sweater and then he sheds his shirt. “It’s more concentrated,” he explains, dropping it next to Minho’s cardigan.
He’s right, because the shirt clung to his skin all day Hyunjin’s floral, earthiness immediately fills the room like a pleasant blanket of affection. Felix feels bad again for being unkind and worse yet for constantly thinking of biting him. Hyunjin is too good to him.
Tentatively, Felix pulls the shirt off his mouth and offers them both shy smiles. “Thank you,” he says.
Minho, perhaps because he can’t help himself, reaches out and pushes Felix’s hair out of his face. “You’re welcome Bbokie,” he says, tenderly. If Felix was in a better state of mind he’d devote more time analysing just how sweet Minho is being. “Please don’t run off again.”
Now that he’s sure that Felix is safe Minho looks satisfied. It’s one of those private expressions he rarely wears for outsiders. Felix has spotted it a few times and he associates it with Minho feeling like he’s done a good job taking care of his members.
In turn it makes him feel warm too.
Hyunjin briefly squeezes Felix’s knee and steps away from the bed.
“G’night,” Minho says, ushering Hyunjin out of the room.
“G’night,” Felix replies, feeling sleepy now that he’s covered in the scents of three of his friends.
They leave, Minho closes the door behind him. But they keep standing in front of his door for quite a bit. He can hear them talk, though they are keeping their voices low it filters through anyway.
“He went down easier than I thought he would,” Hyunjin says, voice soft. Felix wonders when they have started talking about him like he’s a child and when he’s started to lose enough ground to not mind that much.
He’s so tired.
Minho hums, Felix can tell he’s standing right in front of the door listening in on Felix.
“Just make sure the closet doesn’t smell like his distress anymore or we’ll have Chan-hyung come breaking down our door at 5AM,” Minho instructs softly, Felix feels bad immediately. He hadn’t even thought about the fact that if he’s this affected by scents the others might be too. He’s effectively scent-bombed Chan’s closet.
As he turns toward the wall, burying his face in Chan’s scent again he resolves to be more careful next time.
If he had thought that the others would let it go he would be disappointed right now. As it is Felix wakes up the next morning already knowing that he will not be able to escape teasing.
When he comes stumbling into the kitchen, desperate for some food Jeongin is already there (or may have never left, he’s in the same position as he was when Felix saw him last night). He sits in front of a bowl of what could’ve been breakfast surrounded by a mountain of pamphlets.
For a second Felix thinks Jeongin has turned to charity and is about to go on the streets. Animal welfare maybe, maknae supremacy most likely.
That is until Jeongin hands him one. On the front, in bold green letters it reads; So You’re Nesting. There are other words on it but Felix has already turned away, embarrassed and annoyed. “I wasn’t nesting.”
Jeongin tsks. “I’ve seen people nest. You were nesting,” he says, leaning back in the chair and holding the pamphlet out again.
Felix shakes his head and busies himself with pulling juice out of the fridge. It’s not what he usually drinks but he’s craving something sweet.
Minho comes in as Felix is gulping down the juice directly from the carton, suddenly unnervingly parched.
Characteristically, Minho crosses the room and gets into Felix’s space by acting like he isn’t even there, gobbling down juice like Felix is trying to drown himself.
“Are you feeling better?” he nonchalantly asks, as he reaches around Felix to get the milk.
Intent to not stop drinking until he’s gotten to the last drop Felix barely nods. He’s lying, Minho knows it too. It’s like the closet is calling to him, Felix doesn’t want to be anywhere but the closet. The thought of going to the company to do normal things makes him itchy.
If Felix was honest he would admit to the fact that he’s woken up already planning on going back to Chan’s closet later. After schedules when Chan is still at the company and everyone else is distracted. Minho will be practising for one of his projects as well.
“He won’t read my pamphlet,” Jeongin complains, thrusting it out to Minho, petulant but playful. Felix is being teased again. Usually it would roll off his back (or at least only sting a little) but today it makes him bristle, it makes him almost angry. Rationally he recognises this as an overreaction but with the way the hairs on his arms suddenly stand up his emotional side hasn’t arrived at the same conclusion.
So when Minho accepts the pamphlet Felix puts the now half-empty juice back into the fridge and pivots away from Minho and then rushes out of the kitchen back to the safety of his room.
The door hasn’t even fallen shut yet but Felix already has his face buried in his little pile of clothes. It’s not just Chan’s scent now, it’s Minho’s and Hyunjin’s but Felix doesn’t even mind, in the privacy of his own room none of the scents are oppressive and awful, they’re comfortable.
Soothing.
Felix rolls over onto his stomach and pulls Minho’s cardigan around his shoulders like it’s a small blanket or a scarf. Honestly, it’s better than the real thing. Especially when the real thing holds pamphlets and reads pamphlets and then brings up the new information later.
Felix gets a whole fifteen minutes of bliss before there is a tentative knock to his door. Jeongin steps into the room without waiting for a reply. Felix knows it’s Jeongin by his scent. Like Hyunjin he’s a bit earthy but fresher; spring-like.
“Aww cute,” he says, softly, like he’s speaking to himself.
Felix really gets no respect around here.
Jeongin, like the supervillain he is, drops onto Felix’s bed and drapes himself across Felix’s back.
Felix, annoyed, bucks a little bit but Jeongin weighs a tonne now, he’s grown into a human made of lead. He doesn’t budge and eventually, quickly, Felix surrenders because Jeongin’s mass is comforting, he’s like a human weighted blanket.
Felix puts it down to early onset stockholm syndrome or prolonged exposure stockholm syndrome (considering their group history); admitting that an alpha’s weight is helping to soothe his crisis is one step closer to admitting that his presentation is a problem in the first place.
“In the pamphlet it says that nesting is a normal response to stress,” Jeongin starts, careful. “It says it’s perfectly natural, you don’t have to hide what you’re doing, y’know?”
Felix wants to melt or disappear into thin air. Anything other than this. He doesn’t want to have the birds and the bees talk with the maknae of his group. It was bad enough when his mum had the talk with him, Jeongin doing it is absolutely mortifying.
Felix shifts a little until he can roll over under Jeongin, until he’s only half covered by Jeongin’s body and they can look into each other’s eyes.
“Jeongin,” Felix says, slowly, seriously. “I don’t want to talk about it. Alright?”
Jeongin looks stricken for a moment, thrown off-kilter by Felix’s sudden firmness. Felix rarely tries to hyung anyone, and even less tells anyone off, which explains the surprise flitting across Jeongin’s face.
He nods. “That’s okay too, hyung,” he says, reaching out to tentatively rest his hand on Felix’s neck. “I’m sorry.” His hand is a warm weight on Felix’s neck, a welcome one.
Felix offers him a small smile. “Thank you,” he says, suddenly feeling tired again. It’s bone deep and awful. “M’tired,” he says, yawning.
They have practice later and Felix had plans to go to the company early for some extra dancing,hoping that it would bring him some equilibrium but now he’s too exhausted to even entertain the idea.
Jeongin hums, rubbing his hand along Felix’s shoulder. “Can I stay for a bit?”
Felix, because he has never said no to Jeongin, nods.
The closet stays on his mind as he goes through the day. Jeongin never strays far, not until he has vocal lessons. But then Hyunjin replaces him so Felix doesn’t get much peace.
Hyunjin keeps offering him snacks, eyes on him all the time. Felix is forced to accept everything quietly because he cannot think of anything worse than everyone else paying attention to him right now.
He’s lucky that the rest of his group tends to be varying degrees of oblivious, never too wrapped up to not pay attention when necessary but usually kind enough to back off until it becomes a problem. Felix is a problem to three out of seven band members and that’s enough where he is concerned so he accepts the doting without complaint.
So he lets Hyunjin fuss and silently plans and schemes for later.
“Behave,” Hyunjin says to him when he’s picked up by one of their managers for something or other, Felix doesn’t really care to find out right now.
“You behave,” Felix replies, put out. He’s not a kid, no matter what Hyunjin seems to think.
Hyunjin gives him a reproachful look, close to scolding, Felix frowns. “Seungmin is waiting to go home, you should go with him.”
It’s a bit of a crass thing to say. Very alpha. Which Hyunjin isn’t, which makes it worse. Hyunjin has always treaded the fine line between instincts where the others are concerned. Felix doesn't appreciate it.
“I’ll do what I want,” Felix says, defiant. His chest hums with bees of indignation. Hyunjin and him haven’t fought in a while but Felix feels up for it today.
“You do look tired, Yongbok-ah,” their manager says, eyeing Felix critically. “I’ll text the driver to let him know to wait for you.”
“But–”
But Joohyuk is already on his phone, ignoring him. Felix has been at his mercy for a while now, ever since his presentation, this is nothing new.
“I’ll be home later tonight,” Hyunjin says, reassuringly, which it might be if Felix wasn’t mad at him. “Minho-hyung will definitely check on you too.” Again, this is meant reassuringly, Felix can tell by Hyunjin’s kind smile, but it comes off as a threat.
Felix pouts, defeated and annoyed and feeling off-kilter in a way he hasn’t felt in years.
“Do you wanna grab some food on the way?” Seungmin asks, tapping away at his phone. Felix is lucky to be going home with Seungmin, he’s apathetic in the best way sometimes.
“Nah, I’m good,” Felix says, keen to go home as quickly as possible.
Seungmin finally looks up, turning around in his seat and looking at Felix with a scowl. “You need to eat,” he says. “Are you getting sick?”
Felix slumps in his seat, annoyed and touched at the same time. “No,” he says, trying to sound nonchalant. “I’m just not hungry.”
Seungmin keeps scowling but he relents eventually. “I guess I’ll order something when we’re home.”
Felix hums, happy to not be on Seungmin’s radar either. He’s got plans for when he’s home, if Seungmin is distracted eating fried chicken Felix will have an easier time sneaking over to the other boys’ dorm.
The closet is calling to him and Felix is tired of not indulging it. He gets lucky with traffic too, which feels like fate. Felix sits in his seat, brimming with energy.
Felix goes through the motions when their driver drops them off, he follows Seungmin to their dorm, says some perfunctory stuff about wanting to game and slips into his room as quickly as he can.
He’s eager to get out of his clothes, to get rid of the awful smells of the practice rooms and strangers that clings to him. He sheds it all on the spot, like a little pile of awful and kicks it into a corner, for later when he’s ready to do laundry.
Then, like he’s running on autopilot, he puts on the clothes he stole yesterday. First he grabs one of Chan’s shirts and then he puts on Minho’s cardigan. A pang of sadness bubbles in his chest when he realises he doesn’t have a use for Hyunjin’s shirt and that he has to take a pair of his own sweats to complete the outfit.
Minho’s cardigan is long but not that long.
He can’t exactly Winnie-the-Pooh it, even if the other apartment is in the same building. He could take one of the other boy’s things; sweats, jumpers, even socks can be found anywhere in this house but he can’t risk Seungmin noticing what he’s doing.
He slips through the apartment like he’s an intruder, trying to be as quiet as possible. The only thing missing is spy music. Seungmin is in his room, lucky for Felix the door is closed. If he thinks about it he knows that if he got caught sneaking around like this it would be more suspicious than if he just walked normally. But something inside of him compels him to secrecy.
He pulls the front door shut with the utmost care and rushes to the stairs, excited and jittery at once. The other apartment is quiet too when Felix lets himself in but he knows not to let that fool him. Changbin and Jisung, if separated, are deceptively quiet and Changbin has this new thing where he likes to leave his door open so he can make sure everyone gets home.
Secretly, Felix thinks it’s separation anxiety but he won’t tell Changbin that because he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
Felix keeps tiptoeing mindful of Changbin and his keen nose and even keener ears. Since Chan, like Felix, snagged the smallest room in their dorms it’s at the end of the hall, tucked away. It’s nice for quiet but it’s not exactly conducive to successful sneaking.
Felix makes it, thanks to the incessant call of the closet, inside he briefly contemplates locking the door to make sure no one can come in. He’s not planning to spend the whole night here, not if he wants to remain under the radar. Maybe just until Minho comes home, just in case he gets too invested and comes looking for Felix again.
Chan’s room is just like how Felix left it last night. The only thing different is the slight undercurrent of the scent neutralizer that Hyunjin had used. Felix’s insides protest at the thought of his scent being erased like that. It doesn’t feel right, like an insult or even something more grave.
He recognises that subconsciously it’s not just about a safe space with familiar scents but about a space where his scent gets to linger too. Like the olden times when they were all in the same dorm and things smelled just right.
Half of this distress is the fault of his presentation. Presenting late and during the peak of change is a dynamite combination for someone like Felix. He knows he feels things deeply; he likes routines, he likes how close he is with everyone and the new living arrangement took that away from him. Abruptly.
Chan’s closet is Felix’s constant. This hasn’t changed and when he closes the door on himself Felix can pretend like he’s still in the old dingy dorm, with the ugly curtain and the shoe tornado.
As he climbs into it, the closet shakes precariously because it’s not meant to house a human but Felix carries on, moving carefully until he’s curled up in the back on top of fallen sweaters. Sweatshirt sleeves hit his head but Felix doesn’t care.
He leans across the mess he’s made and pulls the door shut. As soon as the closet is dark something like a switch flips inside of Felix. He becomes boneless, limp like a puppet. Air escapes him like he’s a balloon.
Before he loses himself in it Felix reaches into his pocket to set an alarm, then he turns on flight mode and settles backwards. The hoodie above him falls off the hanger and Felix takes it, grateful for gravity.
Felix loses track of time, the closet’s darkness and the way Chan’s scent permeates everything, sending his brain into pleasant static. There is nothing but fuzziness.
He stays curled up for hours. When his alarm buzzes Felix doesn’t recognise the sound, not really. He can’t focus enough and his brain sends something like a ping of recall but it takes a while to make his hands work to find the source for the vibrations. It’s almost like his brain has decided to activate a Windows-esque screensaver mode.
He taps around in the dark until he finds his phone wedged between fallen sweaters, groaning.
Reality comes crashing down around him. If he wants to stay undetected he has to get out of the closet.
Felix thinks about finding the scent-neutraliser but the thought of erasing his scent again sends shivers down his spine. Something like bile rises in his throat, hot and prickly, like a bubble.
It’s like he wants to scream but not. He grits his teeth and crawls into Chan’s room before pathetically rolling onto the wooden floors, face first. He’s lucky no one's here to witness this display of utter gracefulness.
It’s not enough but there isn’t any more time Felix can spend here not if he wants to keep this his shameful secret (between him and three other people). He doesn’t want Chan to know that Felix is going through a scent-depraved-crisis courtesy of a lack of sharing the same dorm room. Yet.
If possible, he doesn’t want to tell Chan ever. Felix has some hope that he will get over it before he has to.
Felix only makes it four steps out of Chan’s room before another impulsive thought lights up the serotonin machine in his brain. Jisung’s door, god-bless his chaotic heart, is wide open. Felix didn’t pay attention earlier because of his one track mind but now he realises Jisung’s room is like an oasis of fabric.
Jisung’s closet is strewn about the room like he’s decided to do inventory. But what draws Felix’s attention is the fleece blanket that’s bundled up on the floor at the end of the bed. It’s dark blue with white stars and looks incredibly soft.
Felix doesn’t even try to talk himself out of taking it. It’s too inviting, like it’s calling to him just like Chan’s closet does and he’s nothing if not opportunistic.
As he pulls it off the floor a singular sock unravels and falls to the floor. Jisung’s scent; warm hazelnut with a hint of wood envelopes Felix like a cloud of comfort.
He’s so embarrassed by his own inability to function but even his burning hot cheeks can’t keep him from bundling the blanket up and slinking down the hallway like an actual robber
Briefly, he bemoans the fact that he can’t take anything that belongs to Changbin. His door is cracked, just enough that it isn’t fully closed, just how Changbin likes it when he’s keeping an ear out for everyone, Felix can't risk it in his frankensteined outfit with Jisung’s blanket pressed to his chest.
Later, soon, will have to do. And then he will have collected everyone’s clothes like Pokémon.